Half a million inheiritance

[Deleted]

Nov 13, 2015 0:22:40 GMT -5 jambo101 said:

I'm not letting it come between us and we'll be together forever. Seems your path and my paths are very similar as we started with nothing and built a stable life together raised the kids and are now in our mid 60s.
Frustrating thing is all the things we dreamed about doing one day,the country cottage,the Rv, the winter condo in Florida,the trips to several destinations are now no longer possible due to my recent failing health,10 years ago she was given the key to fulfill those dreams,she chose to continue working and not use the key.

I'm now going to side with her, it is good she prevented fulfilling those dreams.  Here is why, you stated your pension is $2500/mo and her's is similar.  So once retired you will have $60K/yr income (most likely that means you make $75-100K/yr pre-retirement) .  Retiring 10 years earlier for those dreams would have blown the inheritance ($500K can't produce a $60K/yr+++ income stream plus afford Rv, Cottage, Condo, etc. above your current budget).  Now there would be no money expect the pensions.

All of the dreams have some level of being achievable (even if just renting it for a 1 wk vacation) on a $75-100K income with pensions for retirement and kids leaving the house.  Don't blame this on her.  

This isn't about the inheritance, there are bigger problems in your marriage and how money is handled in the relationship, as a second car on those incomes with kids now out of the house should not be an issue.  Where is all the money going as you have listed a dream situation for most people.  Pensions with survivor benefits producing $40-60K/yr of income.  Good jobs that paid well prior to that (at least 20 years to get that kind of pension).  No inheritance should be needed for any of the dreams.

[teen persuasion]

Nov 13, 2015 9:53:53 GMT -5 muttleynfelix said:

My dad came into about that much money after my Grandma died (assumed - based on previous conversations). They've done a variety of things with the money - gifted all of us kids money the last couple Christmases, my dad joined a flying club, and my guess is they invested a chunk between real estate and the stock market. There are things my mom had a say over and things she didn't (flying club/piolets license). Like with most things with my parents it was a good mix.

My DH will end up with about $8k from the sale of his mom's house and car. He wants to put it aside for our kids college. I agree, I just want it invested in his ROTH since he will be old enough to withdraw from it and it won't count against financial aid. He was on board with that.

If he is still alive when I inherit from my parents, he'll let me do what I want with the money, but I'll ask him what his thoughts or preferences are.

Sorry for going off-topic, but the bolded section above is not true, unfortunately.  The FAFSA specifically asks about non-taxable IRA distributions, and adds them back to available income.  It won't affect your taxes, but can affect your EFC.   Just thought muttleynfelix should know.

[Deleted]

Nov 13, 2015 14:40:29 GMT -5 teen persuasion said:

Nov 13, 2015 9:53:53 GMT -5 muttleynfelix said:

My dad came into about that much money after my Grandma died (assumed - based on previous conversations). They've done a variety of things with the money - gifted all of us kids money the last couple Christmases, my dad joined a flying club, and my guess is they invested a chunk between real estate and the stock market. There are things my mom had a say over and things she didn't (flying club/piolets license). Like with most things with my parents it was a good mix.

My DH will end up with about $8k from the sale of his mom's house and car. He wants to put it aside for our kids college. I agree, I just want it invested in his ROTH since he will be old enough to withdraw from it and it won't count against financial aid. He was on board with that.

If he is still alive when I inherit from my parents, he'll let me do what I want with the money, but I'll ask him what his thoughts or preferences are.

Sorry for going off-topic, but the bolded section above is not true, unfortunately.  The FAFSA specifically asks about non-taxable IRA distributions, and adds them back to available income.  It won't affect your taxes, but can affect your EFC.   Just thought muttleynfelix should know.

Well, you could always use it for the last year or withdraw after they graduate to pay off loans.  Then it's off the radar from FAFSA completely.

[teen persuasion]

Nov 13, 2015 14:55:29 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Nov 13, 2015 14:40:29 GMT -5 teen persuasion said:

Sorry for going off-topic, but the bolded section above is not true, unfortunately.  The FAFSA specifically asks about non-taxable IRA distributions, and adds them back to available income.  It won't affect your taxes, but can affect your EFC.   Just thought muttleynfelix should know.

Well, you could always use it for the last year or withdraw after they graduate to pay off loans.  Then it's off the radar from FAFSA completely.

Good point - you could actually withdraw in the last 2 years, with the new rollback the FAFSA application to October using prior-prior year tax returns.

[lund]

You can take loans for the college student or have the college student take out loans, and then withdraw the money and pay the loans off after graduation. The only problems would be if there is a younger sibling who is in college or on the way in when the older one graduates, plus if there is interest on the loans during the college years.

The money staying in the IRA is not counted in the FAFSA.

Then there is the possibility of "pre-loading" the IRA, and during the college years redirect part or all of the money stream from going to retirement to going towards college-related expenses, such as tuition.

[muttleynfelix]

Nov 13, 2015 14:40:29 GMT -5 teen persuasion said:

Nov 13, 2015 9:53:53 GMT -5 muttleynfelix said:

My dad came into about that much money after my Grandma died (assumed - based on previous conversations). They've done a variety of things with the money - gifted all of us kids money the last couple Christmases, my dad joined a flying club, and my guess is they invested a chunk between real estate and the stock market. There are things my mom had a say over and things she didn't (flying club/piolets license). Like with most things with my parents it was a good mix.

My DH will end up with about $8k from the sale of his mom's house and car. He wants to put it aside for our kids college. I agree, I just want it invested in his ROTH since he will be old enough to withdraw from it and it won't count against financial aid. He was on board with that.

If he is still alive when I inherit from my parents, he'll let me do what I want with the money, but I'll ask him what his thoughts or preferences are.

Sorry for going off-topic, but the bolded section above is not true, unfortunately.  The FAFSA specifically asks about non-taxable IRA distributions, and adds them back to available income.  It won't affect your taxes, but can affect your EFC.   Just thought muttleynfelix should know.

Thanks. I was thinking more in terms of assets. I have a kindergartener, it isn't like college is really on my radar. .

[Deleted]

Nov 13, 2015 15:14:12 GMT -5 muttleynfelix said:

Nov 13, 2015 14:40:29 GMT -5 teen persuasion said:

Sorry for going off-topic, but the bolded section above is not true, unfortunately.  The FAFSA specifically asks about non-taxable IRA distributions, and adds them back to available income.  It won't affect your taxes, but can affect your EFC.   Just thought muttleynfelix should know.

Thanks. I was thinking more in terms of assets. I have a kindergartener, it isn't like college is really on my radar. .

 That's not very YM of you. 

[muttleynfelix]

Well, I never reached YM credentials.

[mojothehelpermonkey]

My brother and I each inherited about $175K when our dad passed away 10 years ago. Our situation was a little different because we were both in our 20s at the time. We both did some strange things. I deposited a $25K life insurance check through an ATM because I was worried that the bank teller would tell me I was lucky for getting a check that big (like what happened to my brother when he cashed his check). That check took forever to clear. I upgraded my car, but it was a legitimate beater with ripped seats and leaking power steering fluid. I also took a dream vacation and modestly improved my living situation. I then put the rest in a CD for a few years because I was financially illiterate and risk adverse. 
I am pretty sure my brother is back to being broke (although I secretly hope he put some money into a retirement account that he can't access). I don't really blame him for that. Our dad's death was especially traumatic for him, so I can understand why he maybe overdid it with the spending. Also, I lived far away and didn't really have many close friends at the time, so few people knew how much I inherited. My brother is a nice guy in a small town, so I imagine he bought lots of rounds for his friends.
Anyway, I still have a good chunk of my inheritance, and although I am not planning on passing it on to anyone, I am glad that I didn't blow it all. I am a fairly logical person, but I also feel like as long as I have that extra cushion of money it's like my dad is still looking out for me, even though he has been dead for over a decade.
Also with both of my parents, the death of their last parent really hit them hard, even though they were in their 40s and 60s. Spending money that you inherited can feel really awful sometimes, so I would cut her some slack for not wanting to buy a new car or lake house.

[jambo101]

Rukh you paint a dire picture but in reality a country cottage up here in Quebec can be had for under a $100K and it will retain its value if not appreciate and also can be passed on to the kids,something we all can enjoy.
A new car for our needs can be had for under $20K, and a good used car for under $10K.
Theres also the inevitability of my inheritance yet to come it should be around $300K
So i dont equate spending some of my wifes inheritance on the dreams we both shared and talked about over the years as leaving us totally broke.
You certainly make it sound like we have a lot of money but your estimate for my wife is before taxes and is really around $40K That combined pre tax $100K maybe happening now but for most of our lives it was half that , it also fails to take into consideration the 10 years my wife didnt work and the many years she worked part time to accrue the seniority required to work full time..so Where did all the money go that we worked for over our lives?I dont know but i suspect Kids/food/trips and vacations,and life in general took a large chunk of it,that said we've spent our lives together debt free so we arent inclined to be spendthrifts and are used to living within our means....

[CCL]

Nov 12, 2015 21:57:37 GMT -5 phil5185 said:

Maybe she is the smart one Phil as i've spent our 40 years together working in a factory putting every paycheck i made into our joint bank accounts.

Off-topic.  Another "kids-today" rant.  Today folks pass up all kinds of entry-level work because it's not 'fulfilling', not in their 'career path' - and it's easier to accept the 99 weeks of unemployment welfare.   Long ago, if work was available you signed up.  The old guys who showed up every morning, pulled on dirty cover-alls, gloves, goggles, and stood at a noisy punch press all day didn't do it for 'fulfillment', they did it out of sense-of-duty.  For 40 years. And provided for their families. 

But you should go out buy a nice small-size 5-yr old pickup for $5k or $8k and get out of the house during the day while DW is at work.

You seem to have access to a lot of well-priced used cars. I'd buy one for that price too.

[Ombud]

Nov 14, 2015 10:17:12 GMT -5 CCL said:

Nov 12, 2015 21:57:37 GMT -5 phil5185 said:

go out buy a nice small-size 5-yr old pickup for $5k or $8k

You seem to have access to a lot of well-priced used cars. I'd buy one for that price too.

They're out there in my area too. DD's 2006 Honda Civic Hybrid was 6k -- 8k inc warranty / previously unpaid insurance / paid 6 months insurance

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Nov 14, 2015 10:17:12 GMT -5 CCL said:

Nov 12, 2015 21:57:37 GMT -5 phil5185 said:

Off-topic.  Another "kids-today" rant.  Today folks pass up all kinds of entry-level work because it's not 'fulfilling', not in their 'career path' - and it's easier to accept the 99 weeks of unemployment welfare.   Long ago, if work was available you signed up.  The old guys who showed up every morning, pulled on dirty cover-alls, gloves, goggles, and stood at a noisy punch press all day didn't do it for 'fulfillment', they did it out of sense-of-duty.  For 40 years. And provided for their families. 

But you should go out buy a nice small-size 5-yr old pickup for $5k or $8k and get out of the house during the day while DW is at work.

You seem to have access to a lot of well-priced used cars. I'd buy one for that price too.

Yeah.....I thought that too.  Around here, a 5 year old pick up would be around 2-3x Phil's cost.  Hell, TD is selling his 14 year, 180k Subaru for $5000!  I wouldn't buy a car with this many miles, but he has a buyer for it.

[Ombud]

So I guess certified used car prices are going up?

2 here under 8: m.walnutcreekhonda.com/#Vehicle44426725-Picture-Gallery-Page

Only 81 here & 2 under 5 inc a 2006 Honda Civic: www.concordhonda.com/bargain/Honda/2004-Honda-Civic-fc1f20470a0e0ae827064cd482d909f9.htm

30 here but hard to define for under 8k: www.autocomnissanofwalnutcreek.com/bargain-inventory/index.htm

Point being, they're out there.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Nov 14, 2015 11:20:37 GMT -5 Ombud said:

So I guess certified used car prices are going up?

2 here under 8: m.walnutcreekhonda.com/#Vehicle44426725-Picture-Gallery-Page

Only 81 here & 2 under 5 inc a 2006 Honda Civic: www.concordhonda.com/bargain/Honda/2004-Honda-Civic-fc1f20470a0e0ae827064cd482d909f9.htm

30 here but hard to define for under 8k: www.autocomnissanofwalnutcreek.com/bargain-inventory/index.htm

Point being, they're out there.

These are 10+ year old cars, not the 5 year $5000 unicorn that Phil regularly talks about.  Hell, I can sell my 8 year old car for about 3/4 of what I paid for it in 2007!

[mroped]

Nov 14, 2015 11:20:37 GMT -5 Ombud said:

So I guess certified used car prices are going up?

2 here under 8: m.walnutcreekhonda.com/#Vehicle44426725-Picture-Gallery-Page

Only 81 here & 2 under 5 inc a 2006 Honda Civic: 

Point being, they're out there.

So a 2006 Honda Civic qualifies as a 5 yrs old vehicle? That's some pretty crapy arithmetic!

And Phil, where in Gods name do you find this cheap oh, so cheap pickups?
Two years ago, I traded in my 6 yrs old GMC WT, with standard cab, long bed, small V8. 100,600 miles and other than that excellent shape. The dealer gave me $10K credit and agree to reduce the price of the one I was buying by another $3k so a grand total of $13k.
That, for trade in value only. Retail you'd be looking at $15-$17k.

Can you find a really cheap reliable vehicle on Craig's List? Sure but the seller turns out to be some creep looking for some cheap date. 

KIA, one of the cheapest vehicles is more than $5k 5-6 yrs old and high mileage.
Is it possible that you used the search results on car prices in the 90s?

[Ombud]

Nov 14, 2015 11:38:37 GMT -5 mroped said:

Nov 14, 2015 11:20:37 GMT -5 Ombud said:

So I guess certified used car prices are going up?

2 here under 8: m.walnutcreekhonda.com/#Vehicle44426725-Picture-Gallery-Page

Only 81 here & 2 under 5 inc a 2006 Honda Civic: 

Point being, they're out there.

So a 2006 Honda Civic qualifies as a 5 yrs old vehicle? That's some pretty crapy arithmetic!

LOL No it's under 5k. And as long as I can get it certified with an extended 36k warranty included, all's good

This is in response to whether someone with 2500 mo income can find a used vehicle costing 2-3× monthly income without dipping into inheritance. They're out there

[jambo101]

This topic is not about used cars but how couples deal with large inheritances.

[Ombud]

Legally, it's her money. Granted she should ask for input but I'm leaving mine to the kids as well. That said, one of the things you wanted was a vehicle hence my post that:

someone with 2500 mo income can find a used vehicle costing 2-3× monthly income without dipping into inheritance

So it's not her blocking the purchase of a 2nd vehicle which makes that as part of your 'wish list' strange IMO

If a couple wasn't common potters before, no way in hell should they be afterwards.

If they were, then another problem is going on and I reiterate counseling might be in order

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Nov 14, 2015 13:16:30 GMT -5 jambo101 said:

This topic is not about used cars but how couples deal with large inheritances.

Actually, YOU were the one that brought up the topic about not having a second 'beater' car, Jimbo.  

Also, if you stick around here long enough, you will soon see that threads frequently go off topic.  However, this really isn't that far off topic from the additional information that you provided.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Nov 14, 2015 13:30:08 GMT -5 Ombud said:

Legally, it's her money. Granted she should ask for input but I'm leaving mine to the kids as well. That said, one of the things you wanted was a vehicle hence my post that:

someone with 2500 mo income can find a used vehicle costing 2-3× monthly income without dipping into inheritance

So it's not her blocking the purchase of a 2nd vehicle which makes that as part of your 'wish list' strange IMO

If a couple wasn't common potters before, no way in hell should they be afterwards.

If they were, then another problem is going on and I reiterate counseling might be in order

Which kind of makes me curious as to why his wife is obstructing the purchase of a second car.  With health issues, she might be concerned that those may be a problem with him driving and this is one way of making sure that he doesn't try to drive when his health issues may be a problem.  

[Deleted]

Nov 14, 2015 9:11:05 GMT -5 jambo101 said:

so Where did all the money go that we worked for over our lives?I dont know but i suspect Kids/food/trips and vacations,and life in general took a large chunk of it,that said we've spent our lives together debt free so we arent inclined to be spendthrifts and are used to living within our means....

You seem rather proud of being debt free, but that is hardly an accomplishment after a lifetime of working without accumulating any assets except one car you describe as a "beater" and money that came from an inheritance.  And now you want your wife to spend part of her money on the thought that you will get an inheritance later and you will save that one. 

[Mardi Gras Audrey]

What was her money situation growing up?  That will also play a part in how she treats the money and her willingness to spend it. Did she not have enough money or was relatively poor?  If so, this money in the bank could represent a "security blanket" of sorts and she doesn't want to spend any of it for fear of losing it.  

There may be some of that plus the emotional aspect of having the inheritance (She may not feel she "deserves it" because it came as an inheritance or that if it is still there, it is like having a piece of the person who died).

She may not be even aware of what she is doing or why she is doing it.  I grew up relatively poor (We had enough to eat but ate a lot of canned foods, mac & cheese, etc, we shopped at goodwill, etc).  I now have more money but find myself with difficulty spending it.  Reusing things to the nth degree, saving everything because I "may need it someday and may not have the $$ then to get it" is common behavior for me. Having money in the bank is like a security blanket and spending more than $50 can send me into a tizzy.

I also received an inheritance from my mom's family ~8 years ago (~$200k of cash/stocks).  My mom died when I was young and her family treated us badly (when we were kids) because they didn't like my dad. The fact that they left us money represented that they actually did care for us (they tried to get closer when we were teens/adults but it was hard because they weren't warm people and lived across the country).  It also represents a little of my mom, since we got nothing when she died (All her stuff went to her parents, who blamed my dad for her death at that time).  I haven't really spent any of it and would feel bad spending it on wants for myself/DH.  While I would give DH any last dollar I earned, that money still doesn't feel like mine and I wouldn't spend my "mom's" money on him. That money is sequestered and if I die, will go to any kids we have or my Sister, as she is the other descendant of my mom. 

There are a lot of emotions tied up in money and it isn't as simple as saying "we have the money to spend". 

[gooddecisions]

I've been looking for a decent used car for about a year. I would prefer a 2012, because really that's nearly 5 years old when you consider they were sold in 2011 and 2016 cars are already on the road.

Everyone wants more than 10 grand until they are closer to 10 years old. And, yes a 2006 would be 10 years old, not 5- big difference. It's not hard to find a decent used price on a 10 year old car, but really hard on anything newer than 6 years old.

[phil5185]

You seem rather proud of being debt free, but that is hardly an accomplishment after a lifetime of working without accumulating any assets accept one car you describe as a "beater" and money that came from an inheritance.

I saw that too - avoiding debt while spending every dime you earn is not really a good plan.  Setting part of your earnings aside for the future is needed, even in Canada where most needs are socialized across the population (taxes).

[8 Bit WWBG]

So... what are you going to end up doing?  Let's say she "pulls rank" on this one.  Legally there is nothing you can do about it.

What is your next move?

[zibazinski]

It's okay to feel hurt and fume over something you feel you're entitled to share in. Feelings are feelings, valid or not. Facts are she's not going to give you the money for whatever reason. You have a right to your feelings but not her money. When you get your inheritance, you can have the same choice.

[gooddecisions]

But he won't have the same choice. When she got her inheritance, it was 10 years ago and they were both still healthy. Now his health is declining to the point where he can't even drive a car anymore and may decline further by the time he gets his inheritance. Sure, he can choose to share it or keep it, but the ship has sailed as far as spending it on their dreams.

Tough situation.

[8 Bit WWBG]

FWIW, situations like this also make one realize that while big retirement accounts are great, there HAS to be balance while you still can.  I question whether or not it will be worthwhile to reach age 75 with millions in the bank, but so many doors now closed because I can no longer handle a fast car or a walk through wine country.  Yeah, the money for the 328i could grow to a million gajillion in 30 years.  But I bet my resent can grow way faster than any index fund!

[zibazinski]

There's a balance. I'm trying to find it myself. I want to see Europe before its turned into a total cesspool. I may be too late.