skubikky
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Post by skubikky on Nov 12, 2015 13:50:46 GMT -5
Without this inherited money are you unable to do some of the things you've mentioned? Or, is DW hesitant to spend the money either way?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 12, 2015 14:27:50 GMT -5
It sounds like you two have money regardless of the inheritance. If you want a car go buy one.
My family is funny about money and I have an inheritance similar to your DW's. I would not buy my DH a car with it. I still view the money as my family members money, that they worked really hard for. The money was given to help me and my DD, not DH. That is just the way it is. Family member liked DH, but she didn't work for years so he could have a new car!
I expect DH to behave similarly. His family, his inheritance, his decision.
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Peace Of Mind
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Nov 12, 2015 15:19:17 GMT -5
What the thinking if two lower middle class long term (40yrs)happily married people come into a half million dollar inheritance and the one actually receiving the inheritance decides to put the money in the bank with the idea that this money will never be touched and will ultimately be left to the kids,the other partner has no say in the matter and thinks not spending some of the money is a colossal waste of life potential.. Be VERY nice to the kids! That would upset me/piss me off big time. That is a lot of money in my book! I've had two inheritances and I gladly share it with my DH and wanted his input in every way. I didn't spend it all nor did I make any decisions until a couple of years after receiving them (we are financially healthy and are pretty good savers) but I would never leave that much to my kids while we are both alive. Maximum I'd leave would be 1/2 but I'm pretty sure I'd not have liked my kids even that much.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 12, 2015 15:41:10 GMT -5
There is a possibility I will inherit about that much (it is nowhere in my planning though, I just acknowledge it as a strong possibility).
i think it could lead to divorce if both spouses don't agree what to do with it. We agreed that in case of any inheritances we each would get 10k to do with as we wished, then another 10k to go on a baller vacation and the rest goes into the market according to our asset allocation with the dividends/interest becoming part of our household income.
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jambo101
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Post by jambo101 on Nov 12, 2015 15:44:24 GMT -5
Concerning who controlled the finances over the course of the relationship while i actually go to the bank or go online to pay the bills it is her call on how much was paid and when, at the moment it would be nice to have a second car as i'm retired and she works so she has the car everyday but she has said no to a second car,evidently we cant afford even a second beater.. While i'm giving plenty of personal info on my situation the topic was really intended as a more general take on the situation of what would you do if your spouse came into this kind of money.
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HoneyBBQ
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Post by HoneyBBQ on Nov 12, 2015 16:06:44 GMT -5
Concerning who controlled the finances over the course of the relationship while i actually go to the bank or go online to pay the bills it is her call on how much was paid and when, at the moment it would be nice to have a second car as i'm retired and she works so she has the car everyday but she has said no to a second car,evidently we cant afford even a second beater.. While i'm giving plenty of personal info on my situation the topic was really intended as a more general take on the situation of what would you do if your spouse came into this kind of money. Well, in my case I care about the wants and desires of my spouse. So calling it happy fulfilling marriage without need of counseling sounds fishy to me.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Nov 12, 2015 16:09:17 GMT -5
Neither dh or I have a snowball's chance in hell of inheriting that much. Maybe, maybe we'd inherit $50k but that's doubtful. So I don't think I can comment on that.
My minivan is a 2006 and definitely is a beater. We do maintenance but do not worry about scratches and dents. We also don't have 220,000 miles on it!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 12, 2015 16:14:02 GMT -5
Concerning who controlled the finances over the course of the relationship while i actually go to the bank or go online to pay the bills it is her call on how much was paid and when, at the moment it would be nice to have a second car as i'm retired and she works so she has the car everyday but she has said no to a second car,evidently we cant afford even a second beater.. While i'm giving plenty of personal info on my situation the topic was really intended as a more general take on the situation of what would you do if your spouse came into this kind of money. Well, in my case I care about the wants and desires of my spouse. So calling it happy fulfilling marriage without need of counseling sounds fishy to me. Yeah. 500K in the bank aside. Saying no to a second car for you when you appear to make good money anyhow sounds a bit controlling.
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phil5185
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Post by phil5185 on Nov 12, 2015 16:21:19 GMT -5
lol - now you're probably trolling us with this 'beater' stuff - but you ought not to be putting yourself on the road with unsafe, unreliable, poorly maintained cars. (Maybe your DW is the smart one? ) OK - DW inherited about $350k from an aunt a couple yrs ago. We're a decade or older than you, our kids are in their mid-40's - so we split it up and gifted it to them. We thought about investing it, growing it for a few years - but we thought what's the point of waiting, decided to give it directly to the kids and let them grow it - hopefully.
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jambo101
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Post by jambo101 on Nov 12, 2015 16:38:44 GMT -5
Maybe she is the smart one Phil as i've spent our 40 years together working in a factory putting every paycheck i made into our joint bank accounts.End result she has a half million in her account and i dont even have a personal account.
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quince
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Post by quince on Nov 12, 2015 17:02:00 GMT -5
No, her parents saved and then died, and that is why she has a half million in her account. she wasn't putting money she earned during your marriage into her personal account, was she? This would be a fair thing to object to.
If my spouse came through 500K through inheritance, it's totally his- he did nothing for it, I did nothing for it, his parents did something for it (or other relative) and they determined it should go to him, not him and his family, so their wishes for it put it into his hands...and that's fine. If we were about to lose our house to foreclosure and couldn't pay our medical bills, and he decided to sequester the money, I would have some unhappy thoughts toward him, but not if he declined to increase our luxuries.
If he came into 500K through lottery winnings or other success (tickets bought with joint funds, not inherited funds, if you'd like to refine the point of joint/separate money.), I would expect that we would share in the decision making of how the funds are spent.
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CCL
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Post by CCL on Nov 12, 2015 17:19:36 GMT -5
Did this just happen recently? Maybe she is still grieving/overwhelmed by the death of her benefactor?
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CCL
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Post by CCL on Nov 12, 2015 17:21:40 GMT -5
I'm sorry you're hurt by this. Money does strange things to people. DH's passing and how he let things be handled legally has hurt me as well and caused me to question things about our entire relationship. I have chosen to focus on the times we had as opposed to the negative. It's not easy, believe me. Sorry you are going through this.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Nov 12, 2015 17:21:56 GMT -5
Maybe she is the smart one Phil as i've spent our 40 years together working in a factory putting every paycheck i made into our joint bank accounts.End result she has a half million in her account and i dont even have a personal account. As she's still working, where is she putting her paycheck? Does she have a separate account that she puts it into? If something happens to her, as you've worked in a factory for 40 years, I'm assuming you have a pension. What happens to the pension if you die? Many times, the widow receives either nothing, or a fraction of what you received. Is it sufficient for her to live on?
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resolution
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Post by resolution on Nov 12, 2015 18:46:12 GMT -5
Maybe she is the smart one Phil as i've spent our 40 years together working in a factory putting every paycheck i made into our joint bank accounts.End result she has a half million in her account and i dont even have a personal account. DH and I both have everything in joint accounts except for the retirement, and we have roughly equal amounts in our IRAs. I wouldn't begrudge him keeping an inheritance separate.
However I wouldn't tolerate being stranded at home without a car when our normal finances would easily allow the purchase of one. Maybe because I was older and set in my ways when I married him, but I strongly value my independence and would go absolutely crazy with no way to leave the house, even if I didn't want to leave the house. I telecommute full time and seldom go anywhere during the day, but I still have my car in the garage just in case.
If I were in your situation I would sit down and have a serious talk about the need to buy another car from your regular income. If she insists on only one car even though you can easily afford two, I would drive her to work and drop her off and take the car back home so I could go places during the day, then pick her back up after work. This doesn't really have anything to do with the inheritance, it is an issue of prioritization, and if a car is not her priority than she should be the one to go without the car.
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gacpa
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Post by gacpa on Nov 12, 2015 18:52:31 GMT -5
If you have been married a long time, and raised a family together and lived your lives together, then I can see your point. I think it would be a good gesture on her part to leave some to the kids, and spend some on herself, and give you some also.
I am not suggesting to go on a free for all blowout of spending all the money. But if you two have been together a long time, I think she should make the gesture of including you by sharing some of it with you.
My husband and I had nothing when we married and now we are very financially stable. It took both of us to make this happen. I handle our finances, but he is the one who makes the most money, so we have a joint effort going on here. We have been married 32 years, so we built this together.
I watched my uncle divorce his third wife because she would not share a lawsuit settlement with him. Now he is in his mid eighties and lives alone. She lives alone also. They would have both been better off if they had never received the money. They would still be together. Try not to let this come between you. It is not fun to be old and alone.
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lynnerself
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Post by lynnerself on Nov 12, 2015 19:35:40 GMT -5
I received an inheritance a little smaller than this 10 years ago. I decided to merge it entirely into joint accounts with my DH. (Married 30 years at that time.) Not without some trepidation however. It required a great deal of trust. My main concern being that if I died first, somehow this money would not get to my (our) son and daughter. I always meant to set something up with DS and DD as beneficiaries, but still have not got around to it. We have been common potters all of our marriage. My retirement depends on his pension. All money decisions have been made jointly. The inheritance allowed us to pay for the kids college and retire a few years early. Also indulgence in a new convertible and a trip to Europe (Mom would have approved ) We will probably inherit an even larger sum from DH parents. (Unless long term care eats it up) And he says those funds will be merged also. So far it is all working out. But as I said, it requires a great deal of belief in our relationship and each others integrity.
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Nov 12, 2015 20:52:05 GMT -5
For me personally, with my first husband, I would absolutely have kept it separate. He'd have blown any amount of money as fast as possible on goodness knows what that would have had no value to anyone else in the house. (I know you cannot tell, so I'll let you know that we're divorced.  
with my second (and hopefully last) husband, it would completely be a discussion and mutual decision. Either way the inheritance came in, we are fully common potters. The only caveat is that we both brought children into the marriage. Anything "left over" from the inheritance after we had both passed on would go to the children of the parent who inherited. My opinion on your situation, I'd be ticked about being stuck at home without a car with all of that sitting in a bank. Can you drive her to work and pick her up so you can have the car each day?
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Ombud
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Post by Ombud on Nov 12, 2015 21:05:41 GMT -5
Can you qualify for a car without the inheritance then use part of the proceeds to back fill that income gap? Driving her to work each day and picking her up would be too much of a hassle IMO
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phil5185
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Post by phil5185 on Nov 12, 2015 21:57:37 GMT -5
Off-topic. Another "kids-today" rant. Today folks pass up all kinds of entry-level work because it's not 'fulfilling', not in their 'career path' - and it's easier to accept the 99 weeks of unemployment welfare. Long ago, if work was available you signed up. The old guys who showed up every morning, pulled on dirty cover-alls, gloves, goggles, and stood at a noisy punch press all day didn't do it for 'fulfillment', they did it out of sense-of-duty. For 40 years. And provided for their families.
But you should go out buy a nice small-size 5-yr old pickup for $5k or $8k and get out of the house during the day while DW is at work.
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jambo101
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Post by jambo101 on Nov 12, 2015 23:55:45 GMT -5
Maybe she is the smart one Phil as i've spent our 40 years together working in a factory putting every paycheck i made into our joint bank accounts.End result she has a half million in her account and i dont even have a personal account. As she's still working, where is she putting her paycheck? Does she have a separate account that she puts it into? If something happens to her, as you've worked in a factory for 40 years, I'm assuming you have a pension. What happens to the pension if you die? Many times, the widow receives either nothing, or a fraction of what you received. Is it sufficient for her to live on? When i pass on she gets 80% of my pension until her final day,in conjunction with her own pension and her inheritance she will be quite wealthy IMO.
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resolution
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Post by resolution on Nov 12, 2015 23:57:20 GMT -5
Phil, the 99 weeks ended in 2012. UI has been back to 26 weeks for several years now.
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jambo101
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Post by jambo101 on Nov 12, 2015 23:59:34 GMT -5
Maybe she is the smart one Phil as i've spent our 40 years together working in a factory putting every paycheck i made into our joint bank accounts.End result she has a half million in her account and i dont even have a personal account. DH and I both have everything in joint accounts except for the retirement, and we have roughly equal amounts in our IRAs. I wouldn't begrudge him keeping an inheritance separate.
However I wouldn't tolerate being stranded at home without a car when our normal finances would easily allow the purchase of one. Maybe because I was older and set in my ways when I married him, but I strongly value my independence and would go absolutely crazy with no way to leave the house, even if I didn't want to leave the house. I telecommute full time and seldom go anywhere during the day, but I still have my car in the garage just in case.
If I were in your situation I would sit down and have a serious talk about the need to buy another car from your regular income. If she insists on only one car even though you can easily afford two, I would drive her to work and drop her off and take the car back home so I could go places during the day, then pick her back up after work. This doesn't really have anything to do with the inheritance, it is an issue of prioritization, and if a car is not her priority than she should be the one to go without the car.
Problem is she is an adviser in a school board and may have to go to up to 4 schools per day. Also recently my health has deteriorated to the point where a personal car is no longer as necessary as it once was and definitely not worth the arguments that would arise if i just went out and bought a car with out her approving the purchase.
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resolution
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Post by resolution on Nov 13, 2015 0:01:25 GMT -5
DH and I both have everything in joint accounts except for the retirement, and we have roughly equal amounts in our IRAs. I wouldn't begrudge him keeping an inheritance separate.
However I wouldn't tolerate being stranded at home without a car when our normal finances would easily allow the purchase of one. Maybe because I was older and set in my ways when I married him, but I strongly value my independence and would go absolutely crazy with no way to leave the house, even if I didn't want to leave the house. I telecommute full time and seldom go anywhere during the day, but I still have my car in the garage just in case.
If I were in your situation I would sit down and have a serious talk about the need to buy another car from your regular income. If she insists on only one car even though you can easily afford two, I would drive her to work and drop her off and take the car back home so I could go places during the day, then pick her back up after work. This doesn't really have anything to do with the inheritance, it is an issue of prioritization, and if a car is not her priority than she should be the one to go without the car.
Problem is she is an advisor in a school board and may have to go to up to 4 schools per day. Then she may see the need for a second car once you drop her off at work and leave with it.
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jambo101
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Post by jambo101 on Nov 13, 2015 0:22:40 GMT -5
If you have been married a long time, and raised a family together and lived your lives together, then I can see your point. I think it would be a good gesture on her part to leave some to the kids, and spend some on herself, and give you some also. I am not suggesting to go on a free for all blowout of spending all the money. But if you two have been together a long time, I think she should make the gesture of including you by sharing some of it with you. My husband and I had nothing when we married and now we are very financially stable. It took both of us to make this happen. I handle our finances, but he is the one who makes the most money, so we have a joint effort going on here. We have been married 32 years, so we built this together. I watched my uncle divorce his third wife because she would not share a lawsuit settlement with him. Now he is in his mid eighties and lives alone. She lives alone also. They would have both been better off if they had never received the money. They would still be together. Try not to let this come between you. It is not fun to be old and alone. I'm not letting it come between us and we'll be together forever. Seems your path and my paths are very similar as we started with nothing and built a stable life together raised the kids and are now in our mid 60s. Frustrating thing is all the things we dreamed about doing one day,the country cottage,the Rv, the winter condo in Florida,the trips to several destinations are now no longer possible due to my recent failing health,10 years ago she was given the key to fulfill those dreams,she chose to continue working and not use the key.
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jambo101
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Post by jambo101 on Nov 13, 2015 0:37:04 GMT -5
The topic was meant as a general inquiry into peoples viewpoints/experiences/opinions on receiving a large inheritance, i gave some of my particular circumstance as an example but didnt really mean to convey the idea that it was to be all about my situation.I'm trying to answer all your questions about my situation but its rather time consuming and not really the original intended point of the topic. Thanks all for participating.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Nov 13, 2015 9:40:27 GMT -5
I could imagine that $500K, after 40 years of lower/middle income, seems an inhuman amount of money that could fulfill a lot of dreams long thought impossible. It doesn't mean someone is going to buy an Aston Martin, but surely there are a few things that were wanted and those hopes are dashed again.
Legally, it is separate, so if the inheritor wants to keep it that way, such is their legal right. But yes, the spouse who feels shafted is certainly likely to make her feelings known.
I suppose there are worse things than "setting it aside for the kids". Not saying that entirely justifies it, as the spouse should be involved, but it is worth considering. A lot of people who get that kind of windfall would go nuts with it.
I know someone who kept her inheritance separate because she knew her spouse would want to blow it on a boat. It sucks that she had to use that angle, but quite frankly she didn't come to that decision on a whim. It is easy and fun to be offended at the act of separating the inheritance, but only an enlightened few consider the years or decades of lingering issues that happened leading up to that decision.
I am probably going to inherit something, and it will likely be enough to do some cool stuff. I'll of course talk it over with DW, but if she is dead set on blowing it all and doesn't want to compromise... well... I won't compromise either, and I'll be the one who gets his way.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Nov 13, 2015 9:53:53 GMT -5
My dad came into about that much money after my Grandma died (assumed - based on previous conversations). They've done a variety of things with the money - gifted all of us kids money the last couple Christmases, my dad joined a flying club, and my guess is they invested a chunk between real estate and the stock market. There are things my mom had a say over and things she didn't (flying club/piolets license). Like with most things with my parents it was a good mix.
My DH will end up with about $8k from the sale of his mom's house and car. He wants to put it aside for our kids college. I agree, I just want it invested in his ROTH since he will be old enough to withdraw from it and it won't count against financial aid. He was on board with that.
If he is still alive when I inherit from my parents, he'll let me do what I want with the money, but I'll ask him what his thoughts or preferences are.
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Nov 13, 2015 10:21:07 GMT -5
I didn't inherit nearly as much when my dad died 4 years ago, but it was a good sum. It's still all there and then some. When my dad was alive, I always kind of knew I could turn to him for help if I needed it. I still can, with the money there. I can't if I blow it on stuff. It makes me feel so much more secure knowing that I have those resources readily available. Currently, if I die it would be split up between my husband and kids because I don't have other life insurance and they're young and DH would have to take care of them. When they're older and my other retirement savings are larger, it will all go to my kids so that I can give them the same peace of mind that my dad gave me. I have to take MRD's every year, so may have to do that with other funds instead, but I hope to be able to leave something similar so that they can get the same kind of security when I'm gone.
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cktc
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Post by cktc on Nov 13, 2015 12:34:49 GMT -5
I did this with my ex. We were both working and I rode the bus and walked, adding about an hour and a half a day to my commute. He "worked"* longer hours, so I started dropping him off and picking him up which only added an hour to my commute. That lasted about 4 months. Turns out it was okay for me not to have a car, but not him so we bought a second vehicle. *Of course in his case I later found out "work" included regular happy hour, dealing felony amounts of weed, and having an affair. As for the topic of the thread, my DH and I save and splurge in different areas. I can't imagine not seeking each other's input but it wouldn't surprise me if we ultimately didn't agree on how the other decided to spend an inheritance. He would probably want to retire early and nix all the fun stuff. I'd rather stay the course and increase the fun stuff.
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