t-dog
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Post by t-dog on Sept 28, 2015 15:48:49 GMT -5
I should just accept the fact that dating is a horrendous process filled with mutes. Had a date that I thought went well, apparently not because not a word since (its been 2.5 weeks). Why can't men just communicate that they aren't interested.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Sept 28, 2015 15:59:37 GMT -5
I should just accept the fact that dating is a horrendous process filled with mutes. Had a date that I thought went well, apparently not because not a word since (its been 2.5 weeks). Why can't men just communicate that they aren't interested. I think he did in his own way.
Please stop getting so stressed out over dating. I know it is hard because I'm going through it, too. I have had some real awful dates, I have had guys like me that I wasn't interested in. I am currently "dating" a guy whose wife walked out on him and his children. We are very compatible but he has no free time because of the kids. It sucks because I really like him but I know what I want and need in a relationship and he can't provide it at this time.
So it goes both ways. When you meet the right guy it will just click...in the meantime, share your horror stories here because you will have some doozies (I can't be the only one!lol).
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Sept 28, 2015 16:03:30 GMT -5
I'm the Ghost Queen too, so don't think you're alone! I gave up on dating for a while... Still on that hiatus technically, but I'm just allowing myself to meet people naturally. If something comes of that, great. If not, whatever.
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t-dog
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Post by t-dog on Sept 28, 2015 16:05:52 GMT -5
Well, yes, I got the message. My point was why not just actually use words to communicate rather than silence. I figure by the time you are 50 you should know how to politely decline.
Glad to know I am not alone MJ2.0.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Sept 28, 2015 16:12:08 GMT -5
Well, yes, I got the message. My point was why not just actually use words to communicate rather than silence. I figure by the time you are 50 you should know how to politely decline.
Glad to know I am not alone MJ2.0. Dating has taught me that flakiness and assholiness has no age limit.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Sept 28, 2015 16:43:23 GMT -5
You aren't alone. I have dated some real losers. Just come here and vent. You may also get some amusement out of some of the rest of our stories.
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Peace Of Mind
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Sept 28, 2015 16:48:09 GMT -5
It's people in general IMO. People don’t hold themselves accountable anymore because they can hide behind their phones or computers.
I'm sorry that dating, and people suck!
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Sept 28, 2015 17:02:03 GMT -5
I'm never ever going down that road again. I have so many plans for my life and none of them include a man. Be grateful that you're free.
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t-dog
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Post by t-dog on Sept 28, 2015 17:29:41 GMT -5
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souldoubt
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Post by souldoubt on Sept 28, 2015 17:41:15 GMT -5
Dating sucks until you find the right person.
Also if someone is miserable or unhappy and their future plans don't include a partner there's an adult way to handle all of that...end it.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Sept 28, 2015 18:13:48 GMT -5
Dating sucks until you find the right person. Also if someone is miserable or unhappy and their future plans don't include a partner there's an adult way to handle all of that...end it. Did you just tell zib to kill her husband??
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weltschmerz
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Post by weltschmerz on Sept 28, 2015 18:24:57 GMT -5
I'm never ever going down that road again. I have so many plans for my life and none of them include a man. Be grateful that you're free. Wait...what? Your future doesn't include your brand new husband?
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Sept 28, 2015 18:25:34 GMT -5
It's people in general IMO. People don’t hold themselves accountable anymore because they can hide behind their phones or computers. I'm sorry that dating, and people suck! People don't hold themselves accountable bc they weren't raised to do so. And it's spills into all the areas of their lives.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Sept 28, 2015 19:21:58 GMT -5
No, I'm not going to leave hm or kill hm off but if I manage to ever get a life again, I'm sure not going to mess with it. I saw someone tonight at dialysis. She was physically in worse shape than me, so far, struggling with a man even in worse shape than DH, so far. Trying to lift his wheelchair into the back of her car after depositing him into the passenger seat where he made sure to let her know that it hurt him getting into it. Like she can help that. DH doesn't suffer in silence either and I'm sick to death of hearing him bitch about the 2 steps from garage into the house. Not my fault he isn't getting stronger but his and his lack of effort. Our in home PTA says he needs to work on it while she isn't here. Yup, she's right. Does he? Nope, he doesn't. My goal is to get him to be fully functional except for dialysis .. Then we can hopefully get on kidney list but if he keeps up with this poor pity me behavior, not going to make it on that list. This is my life and it sucks donkey balls. You think I'd ever willingly go down that road again? Our whole relationship has changed. i raised my children already. Looked forward to an adult/equal relationship. Oh, well. Ladies, the grass is not greener. Be happy and joyful.
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justme
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Post by justme on Sept 28, 2015 19:31:59 GMT -5
I'll commiserate!
Went on a cruise with friends with a big local group. Met a guy the first night and we talked a lot, walked around with his arms around me or holding my hand, had his friends look for me, fell asleep on the pool deck with me gripping my arm with both hands, and let my friends talk his sunburnt drunk ass into shots and going to that nights party - even got my number on the second night cuz he has been looking for me all day.
A month later and I haven't heard from him. Either I somehow was really drunk and didn't read my number right in his phone or he decided not to call.
This weekend is a pub crawl put on by the group. Doubt I'd run into him.
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cronewitch
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Post by cronewitch on Sept 28, 2015 19:45:19 GMT -5
No, I'm not going to leave hm or kill hm off but if I manage to ever get a life again, I'm sure not going to mess with it. I saw someone tonight at dialysis. She was physically in worse shape than me, so far, struggling with a man even in worse shape than DH, so far. Trying to lift his wheelchair into the back of her car after depositing him into the passenger seat where he made sure to let her know that it hurt him getting into it. Like she can help that. DH doesn't suffer in silence either and I'm sick to death of hearing him bitch about the 2 steps from garage into the house. Not my fault he isn't getting stronger but his and his lack of effort. Our in home PTA says he needs to work on it while she isn't here. Yup, she's right. Does he? Nope, he doesn't. My goal is to get him to be fully functional except for dialysis .. Then we can hopefully get on kidney list but if he keeps up with this poor pity me behavior, not going to make it on that list. This is my life and it sucks donkey balls. You think I'd ever willingly go down that road again? Our whole relationship has changed. i raised my children already. Looked forward to an adult/equal relationship. Oh, well. Ladies, the grass is not greener. Be happy and joyful. Sorry new DH won't take better care of himself. Let me tell you about my cousin's husband. Two years ago he had a lung transplant. Before that he had to get into the best shape he could to get ready and be on the list. So June of 2013 he got a lung transplant. Now he looks so healthy and the entire family is doing things like running in 6K runs. His wife shows miniature horses with carts and he has started driving them in competition. He got a first granddaughter the month he had the transplant. She is showing mini horses too and was Cinderella with a wonderful carriage in pink. Her mother was a rodeo princess so she was born into being a horse person and loves them. She got 4 goats for her 2nd birthday because she wanted goats. The man would be dead now if he didn't get in great shape in 2013 but instead gets to grandfather a princess in the making and enjoy his family. He looks like he is spending time and energy keeping up his health, maybe he can live to see a great granddaughter someday and watch her work with horses. Tell DH they won't let him have a transplant if he doesn't get ready for it, they don't want to have failures so they waste organs they are too precious to waste.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Sept 28, 2015 20:09:07 GMT -5
He knows. He's seen and done everything so he doesn't care if he's trapped by dialysis. Plus, I don't think he cares if I'm trapped as well. I do care.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 28, 2015 20:22:35 GMT -5
Either I somehow was really drunk and didn't read my number right in his phone I'll vouch this can happen, back in the day I woke up a couple of times and only had 5 or 6 digits saved in my phone to a misspelled name. One came up to me several years later and asked why I never called
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justme
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Post by justme on Sept 28, 2015 20:25:36 GMT -5
Either I somehow was really drunk and didn't read my number right in his phone I'll vouch this can happen, back in the day I woke up a couple of times and only had 5 or 6 digits saved in my phone to a misspelled name. One came up to me several years later and asked why I never called Well I typed it in and then was cognizant enough to go through his contacts to double check. I wanted to make sure it was right, but I suppose one number could be off and I sometimes have a touch of dyslexia or something like it sometimes. Maybe he'll be there this weekend and I'll find out?
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bean29
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Post by bean29 on Sept 28, 2015 20:27:47 GMT -5
No, I'm not going to leave hm or kill hm off but if I manage to ever get a life again, I'm sure not going to mess with it. I saw someone tonight at dialysis. She was physically in worse shape than me, so far, struggling with a man even in worse shape than DH, so far. Trying to lift his wheelchair into the back of her car after depositing him into the passenger seat where he made sure to let her know that it hurt him getting into it. Like she can help that. DH doesn't suffer in silence either and I'm sick to death of hearing him bitch about the 2 steps from garage into the house. Not my fault he isn't getting stronger but his and his lack of effort. Our in home PTA says he needs to work on it while she isn't here. Yup, she's right. Does he? Nope, he doesn't. My goal is to get him to be fully functional except for dialysis .. Then we can hopefully get on kidney list but if he keeps up with this poor pity me behavior, not going to make it on that list. This is my life and it sucks donkey balls. You think I'd ever willingly go down that road again? Our whole relationship has changed. i raised my children already. Looked forward to an adult/equal relationship. Oh, well. Ladies, the grass is not greener. Be happy and joyful. Zib, I watched my Mom live through something similar with my Dad. Dad's cousin did the same for her DH, several of Mom's friends did the same for their husbands. They did not do much to relieve her physical burdens, but they provided a world of emotional and practical advice/relief. Dad Really Loved my Mom, but we watched him demand constant attention as she cared for him. For years if Mom was hosting a holiday (she preferred this to the logistics of transporting Dad) I went the day before and helped her clean. I started doing this because I noticed every time Mom started to do something like sweep or Mop, Dad was hollering he was thirsty or he wanted the channel changed or whatever. (Dad suffered from something similar to ALS). Hugs. My DH is high maintenance. However this relationship ends, I foresee being single to the end of my Days. Sometimes being Alone is attractive. I do wish you (all) the richness of friendships my Mom has. Mom is always going to lunch, a concert, church events and even traveling with her friends.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Sept 28, 2015 21:13:19 GMT -5
I'll commiserate! Went on a cruise with friends with a big local group. Met a guy the first night and we talked a lot, walked around with his arms around me or holding my hand, had his friends look for me, fell asleep on the pool deck with me gripping my arm with both hands, and let my friends talk his sunburnt drunk ass into shots and going to that nights party - even got my number on the second night cuz he has been looking for me all day. A month later and I haven't heard from him. Either I somehow was really drunk and didn't read my number right in his phone or he decided not to call. This weekend is a pub crawl put on by the group. Doubt I'd run into him. Whenever a guy didn't call me, I always assumed they lost their phone, my phone number or were too scared to call. Plenty of other guys out there, so it didn't concern me one bit. It most definitely never had anything to do with not actually being interested in me. No idea where I get off with that kind of confidence, but you should try it. Play it cool and don't even bring it up if you should meet again. I had a night like yours once and the guy called I think about two weeks later. This guy thought I was waiting and counting each day he didn't call and was shocked when after he acknowledged how long it had been, I said has it been that long, I've been busy traveling out of state for work. We ended up dating for two years.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Sept 28, 2015 21:48:37 GMT -5
No, I'm not going to leave hm or kill hm off but if I manage to ever get a life again, I'm sure not going to mess with it. I saw someone tonight at dialysis. She was physically in worse shape than me, so far, struggling with a man even in worse shape than DH, so far. Trying to lift his wheelchair into the back of her car after depositing him into the passenger seat where he made sure to let her know that it hurt him getting into it. Like she can help that. DH doesn't suffer in silence either and I'm sick to death of hearing him bitch about the 2 steps from garage into the house. Not my fault he isn't getting stronger but his and his lack of effort. Our in home PTA says he needs to work on it while she isn't here. Yup, she's right. Does he? Nope, he doesn't. My goal is to get him to be fully functional except for dialysis .. Then we can hopefully get on kidney list but if he keeps up with this poor pity me behavior, not going to make it on that list. This is my life and it sucks donkey balls. You think I'd ever willingly go down that road again? Our whole relationship has changed. i raised my children already. Looked forward to an adult/equal relationship. Oh, well. Ladies, the grass is not greener. Be happy and joyful. Zib, I watched my Mom live through something similar with my Dad. Dad's cousin did the same for her DH, several of Mom's friends did the same for their husbands. They did not do much to relieve her physical burdens, but they provided a world of emotional and practical advice/relief. Dad Really Loved my Mom, but we watched him demand constant attention as she cared for him. For years if Mom was hosting a holiday (she preferred this to the logistics of transporting Dad) I went the day before and helped her clean. I started doing this because I noticed every time Mom started to do something like sweep or Mop, Dad was hollering he was thirsty or he wanted the channel changed or whatever. (Dad suffered from something similar to ALS). Hugs. My DH is high maintenance. However this relationship ends, I foresee being single to the end of my Days. Sometimes being Alone is attractive. I do wish you (all) the richness of friendships my Mom has. Mom is always going to lunch, a concert, church events and even traveling with her friends. Little by little I'm losing my friendsup here Im not giving up yet but I find it funny-not-that all his doctors are so interested in his physical and mental health but even when I say I'm sad, depressed, even occasionally have thoughts of dioxide, it's met with an "oh well" and a very perfunctory "you're doing such a great job." I've stopped being polite about their stupid comments. I give them the "you're a fucking moron" look and leave their presence. I saw pictures of myself at Princesses wedding and almost died from shock. I've aged 30 years.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Sept 28, 2015 21:49:13 GMT -5
Suicide
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on Sept 28, 2015 22:00:39 GMT -5
Zib - I'm sorry for what you and DH are going through. I hope you can take care of yourself and DH gets his head out of his ass stat.
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justme
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Post by justme on Sept 28, 2015 22:10:55 GMT -5
I'll commiserate! Went on a cruise with friends with a big local group. Met a guy the first night and we talked a lot, walked around with his arms around me or holding my hand, had his friends look for me, fell asleep on the pool deck with me gripping my arm with both hands, and let my friends talk his sunburnt drunk ass into shots and going to that nights party - even got my number on the second night cuz he has been looking for me all day. A month later and I haven't heard from him. Either I somehow was really drunk and didn't read my number right in his phone or he decided not to call. This weekend is a pub crawl put on by the group. Doubt I'd run into him. Whenever a guy didn't call me, I always assumed they lost their phone, my phone number or were too scared to call. Plenty of other guys out there, so it didn't concern me one bit. It most definitely never had anything to do with not actually being interested in me. No idea where I get off with that kind of confidence, but you should try it. Play it cool and don't even bring it up if you should meet again. I had a night like yours once and the guy called I think about two weeks later. This guy thought I was waiting and counting each day he didn't call and was shocked when after he acknowledged how long it had been, I said has it been that long, I've been busy traveling out of state for work. We ended up dating for two years. Well we did all have unlimited booze on the cruise and he asked after 11pm so I might have been more drunk than I thought. It might also be wishful thinking. Lol
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Lizard Queen
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103/2024
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Post by Lizard Queen on Sept 28, 2015 22:27:52 GMT -5
Zib, can you hire some more help for your DH? He may listen to someone else better about doing his PT. Plus, you need someone else to take over a bit of your burden.
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Peace Of Mind
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[font color="#8f2520"]~ Drinks Well With Others ~[/font]
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Sept 28, 2015 23:11:10 GMT -5
He knows. He's seen and done everything so he doesn't care if he's trapped by dialysis. Plus, I don't think he cares if I'm trapped as well. I do care. Zib, I watched my Mom live through something similar with my Dad. Dad's cousin did the same for her DH, several of Mom's friends did the same for their husbands. They did not do much to relieve her physical burdens, but they provided a world of emotional and practical advice/relief. Dad Really Loved my Mom, but we watched him demand constant attention as she cared for him. For years if Mom was hosting a holiday (she preferred this to the logistics of transporting Dad) I went the day before and helped her clean. I started doing this because I noticed every time Mom started to do something like sweep or Mop, Dad was hollering he was thirsty or he wanted the channel changed or whatever. (Dad suffered from something similar to ALS). Hugs. My DH is high maintenance. However this relationship ends, I foresee being single to the end of my Days. Sometimes being Alone is attractive. I do wish you (all) the richness of friendships my Mom has. Mom is always going to lunch, a concert, church events and even traveling with her friends. Little by little I'm losing my friendsup here Im not giving up yet but I find it funny-not-that all his doctors are so interested in his physical and mental health but even when I say I'm sad, depressed, even occasionally have thoughts of dioxide, it's met with an "oh well" and a very perfunctory "you're doing such a great job." I've stopped being polite about their stupid comments. I give them the "you're a fucking moron" look and leave their presence. I saw pictures of myself at Princesses wedding and almost died from shock. I've aged 30 years. Zib - I'm saying this with love and mean well so ignore me if this comes off wrong but you have GOT to step away from this situation for a few days. He has enough money that you can pay a top nurse/health care aide to fill in for you before you lose your mind. I don't recall you posting your vows but I don't believe there was anything in them that said you need to give up your life or happiness for your new husband's health every single day. Your well being is just as important as his and I know he wouldn't want you doing this under normal circumstances. He's just not thinking clearly right now as his situation is not normal at this time but I know he would not want this for you. And quite frankly you aren't doing him any good with being depressed and miserable and I'm sure you are not yourself right now. Get away and please do it soon before the winter weather gets bad or you may go mad. Then make it at least an every month or two "Zib time" where you get away to a spa, or whatever you enjoy, to regroup and relax and rest and eat properly. Let somebody spoil you for a few days and take care of you. And that! ^^ I just read further down so it's not just me. We are smart here so listen up, woman!
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Sept 29, 2015 8:32:36 GMT -5
You're all right. It's doing me in and I can see it. It's like a watching a train wreck. You can't turn away. He hated having a stranger in the house. But he may just have to get over that.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Sept 29, 2015 8:37:32 GMT -5
Oh. So last year I had a date with this guy. The date was for Friday and Friday came and went with no word from him. I got a phone call profusely apologizing to me on Monday. Seems he got arrested on Thursday and spent the weekend in jail. We didn't go out again after that.
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gs11rmb
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Post by gs11rmb on Sept 29, 2015 8:44:31 GMT -5
I'm going to echo everyone else's sentiments zibazinski. You are at least in the fortunate position where there is money to pay for good quality care for your husband. Not only would I recommend going away every month, I think you should hire someone to come in 2 or 3 days a week so that you can get out, relax and interact with friends. There's no reason why a nurse couldn't be with your husband at least one evening a week so that you can dine with friends, go to a movie, join a bookclub, etc. This might even be an incentive for your husband to work at his PT so that he can rejoin the world with you but, if not, you will have an escape. I hope your situation improves. Best wishes!
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