joke at the wrong freaking time

[beergut]

So Sunday morning, I wake up and the dog is definitely not himself. He's a pit/boxer mix who is very hyper, and is often bouncing off the walls when I come out of the bedroom in the morning. He is down on the floor, barely acknowledges my presence, and his mouth is literally dragging on the ground. 

He hasn't thrown up, he doesn't appear to be sick, but something is definitely wrong, so I decide to take him to the vet. This being Sunday, there is only one local vet open. GF is crazy about this dog, he is her 'other' son, so she agrees. 

Vet says they need to take x-rays, radiography, run some tests, yada yada yada, $400 bill, minimum. I am a little annoyed at the bill, but not surprised, so I pay it.

We leave for an hour for them to run tests and go to lunch, then come back.

They verified there is no obstruction (our original worry, he eats everything, including stealing a pork shoulder bone out of the trash last week), and think it might be an infection, so prescribe some antibiotics. This costs another $150.

So while I'm contemplating the fact that I have to go out of town the next day (yesterday) and that $550 was going to cover any costs on the trip, GF pipes up, "See, if we had a pool, I could float around all day while I keep an eye on him." Her desire to put a pool in the backyard has been a constant source of argument between us, because I don't swim anymore, and have no desire to pay for a pool. She was trying to make a joke about it, at the wrong freaking time. While I'm sitting there thinking about how I'm going to have to move some money around to make sure I'm covered for the trip, she is making a joke about another too damn expensive want she can't afford and hopes I will pay for. Gah!!

Of course, the irony is that last week she said she was 'tired of me paying for everything' when I offered to cover the cost of an exercise boot camp she goes to in the mornings. 

I know I'm at fault here, because she should be able to pay for her dog, that is part of pet ownership. I also know she couldn't afford to pay for the visit, and I can't bear to see a dog suffer. 

It is two days later, though, and her joke about the pool still has me stewing. I need to let it go. 


Goose faba

[Deleted]

Did you two have that conversation yet?

PS. She wasn't really joking

Sincerely,

Pink

[MJ2.0]

Yeah, that's one of those "it's a joke if you disagree, but it's for real if you agree" statements... Like men suggesting threesomes to their SOs.

[beergut]

Jul 21, 2015 18:56:38 GMT -5 @pinkcshmere said:

Did you two have that conversation yet?

PS. She wasn't really joking

Sincerely,

Pink

She says she has her budget all done on a spreadsheet at work. I asked her to bring a printout home, so we could compare budgets. 

All of this was forgotten last week when her 17 year old got into a car accident, ramming into someone from behind on the way home from work. Both airbags deployed, and it looks like she has totaled her 1995 Mustang convertible. Between GF freaking out about her oldest daughter getting into a car accident (and subtly implying what a jerk I am because I didn't jump into a car and drive an hour to calm her down after I found out the 17 yr old was okay), dealing with the insurance company, and making sure the three drivers in the house all have cars to get to work, it seems to have been forgotten. 

I'm well aware she isn't joking. She is going to find out that this is one argument she isn't going to win. If she wants a pool, she is going to have to pay for it herself. 

[Deleted]

Has it even been a month since the camp/vacation incidents? Between that and the dog, that's over $1k in unexpected expenses that you've covered in a short amount of time. Do things like this happen regularly?

Does she realize that it costs money to maintain a pool after the expense of putting one in? Does she think SHE can afford a pool or does she think YOU can afford one. I'm sorry, but after you'd saved my ass twice in a few weeks, I wouldn't even mention anything frivolous I wanted. Especially not something as expensive as a pool.

[Artemis Windsong]

Buy her a blow up kiddy pool, fill it, put her lawn chair by it then wish full filled.

[dannylion]

Is the dog all right?

[giramomma]

Jul 21, 2015 19:10:55 GMT -5 beergut said:

She says she has her budget all done on a spreadsheet at work. I asked her to bring a printout home, so we could compare budgets. 

All of this was forgotten last week when her 17 year old got into a car accident, ramming into someone from behind on the way home from work. Both airbags deployed, and it looks like she has totaled her 1995 Mustang convertible.

I didn't get a car worth that amount when I was 17. I was 31 before I got a car that was worth more than 5 or 6 grand.

Glad to hear everyone is OK, though.

[obelisk]

Like it or not, you are the EF and the go to "fix it" person.  Nothing is going to change.  If your GF had an EF it would have been spend on the pool first.  She knows your soft spots and acts accordingly.  You need to put all your extra cash into an SP500 fund and then when the next emergency arises, let the GF know there is no extra cash laying around.  You will then soon see what she is made off when it comes to your money.

[Deleted]

Jul 21, 2015 19:25:22 GMT -5 Artemis Windsong said:

Buy her a blow up kiddy pool, fill it, put her lawn chair by it then wish full filled.

Maybe put a nicely chilled bottle of $3.99 moscato next to the chair to take the edge off

[busymom]

I've got one of those rectangular inflatable pools. The kids are too big for it now. Want it?

[MJ2.0]

Next time she brings it up, hit her with the

[milee]

This is another example of her behaving very predictably in reaction to your behavior. An except from Psychology Today:

"In behavioral terms, the ups and downs of relationships with unpredictable lovers can be explained by the unsexy term “partial reinforcement.” When you know that you’ll be rewarded consistently, you’ll learn a behavior quickly, but you’ll become a lazy responder. Lab animals who are rewarded every time they push a lever slow down because they know that the next time they want their reward, it will be waiting for them. However, if they don’t know when their next reinforcer is coming, they’ll keep pushing and pushing that lever in the hopes that one magic press will produce that delicious dried food pellet.

....

The take-away message from [another] study is clear. If you want to spike your lover’s dopamine levels, then only show up at random, unpredictable intervals."

You "reward" her requests for money by paying for things in an extremely inconsistent pattern.  Although you talk tough about budgets, you pay for other things on an unscheduled and unpredictable basis, depending on what strikes your fancy.  You are setting up a pattern of inconsistent rewards, which is more enticing and addictive than consistency.  So you are encouraging her to constantly ask for your financial help just like the lab rats who will keep pushing the lever when rewards are delivered on an inconsistent basis.  If you want her to stop asking and depending on you, you need to convey your spending plan and then be consistent in sticking to it. 

www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201211/the-lure-the-unpredictable-lover 

[Deleted]

He likes being an easy mark for in charge of all the discretionary household money decisions.

[beergut]

Jul 21, 2015 19:25:22 GMT -5 Artemis Windsong said:

Buy her a blow up kiddy pool, fill it, put her lawn chair by it then wish full filled.

I've offered to do that multiple times, and she keeps saying no.

[Deleted]

Jul 21, 2015 21:15:37 GMT -5 @tbird said:

Jul 21, 2015 19:10:55 GMT -5 beergut said:

She says she has her budget all done on a spreadsheet at work. I asked her to bring a printout home, so we could compare budgets. 

All of this was forgotten last week when her 17 year old got into a car accident, ramming into someone from behind on the way home from work. Both airbags deployed, and it looks like she has totaled her 1995 Mustang convertible. Between GF freaking out about her oldest daughter getting into a car accident (and subtly implying what a jerk I am because I didn't jump into a car and drive an hour to calm her down after I found out the 17 yr old was okay), dealing with the insurance company, and making sure the three drivers in the house all have cars to get to work, it seems to have been forgotten. 

I'm well aware she isn't joking. She is going to find out that this is one argument she isn't going to win. If she wants a pool, she is going to have to pay for it herself. 

stick a fork in it.

I'm calling this done.

Nah. I think he's going full WWBG.

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

I know I shouldn't have, but I chuckled at that, oped. 

[Deleted]

They live together. He pays for food and extras. Ie. he has set up his contributions to be variable and by request. Although he only tries to approve requests he desires, which causes her to be manipulative, it's a whole cycle.

[obelisk]

For someone that works in finance, what kind of household arrangement would you define it? 

[debthaven]

Beer you're only her BF now ... if you guys get married, it's probably going to get worse. MUCH worse. 

[msventoux]

Marriage makes everything better.  And what marriage doesn't cure, a baby will surely make better. 

[Opti]

Jul 21, 2015 19:37:59 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Jul 21, 2015 19:10:55 GMT -5 beergut said:

She says she has her budget all done on a spreadsheet at work. I asked her to bring a printout home, so we could compare budgets. 

All of this was forgotten last week when her 17 year old got into a car accident, ramming into someone from behind on the way home from work. Both airbags deployed, and it looks like she has totaled her 1995 Mustang convertible.

I didn't get a car worth that amount when I was 17. I was 31 before I got a car that was worth more than 5 or 6 grand.

Glad to hear everyone is OK, though.

How much is a 1995 Mustang convertible worth in 2015? Its a twenty year old car. Depending on what 1995 Mustang it is exactly, mileage, condition, it might not be worth even $3K to a private buyer or it could be worth $20K or so if it was something cool.

(Convertibles are bad choices as first cars for most first time drivers because in a rollover accident it could be their head literally. Optimist public service announcement. )

[Opti]

Jul 21, 2015 21:52:46 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

I know I shouldn't have, but I chuckled at that, oped. 

Hey, I'm jealous. Perhaps I can pick up my very own version of WWBG or Beergut.

[Opti]

Jul 22, 2015 2:17:07 GMT -5 Ratchets said:

Jul 22, 2015 2:10:57 GMT -5 Opti said:

How much is a 1995 Mustang convertible worth in 2015? Its a twenty year old car. Depending on what 1995 Mustang it is exactly, mileage, condition, it might not be worth even $3K to a private buyer or it could be worth $20K or so if it was something cool.

(Convertibles are bad choices as first cars for most first time drivers because in a rollover accident it could be their head literally. Optimist public service announcement. )

I doubt if it's worth much.  I had a '71 mustang convertible in high school and it was broke down more than running LoL.  But that was 20-25 years ago, so now a 1995 would be the equivalent.  I'm sure hers is much nicer than the one I had, but it's still not worth a ton being that old. 

Correct. I was just pointing out that Giramomma's misconception on the worth of the car. Many people see Mustang Convertible and see $$, but do not really know the value based on age, condition, etc. There is also a huge difference between what you can sell a twenty year old car for privately and what you might pay at a dealer. A dealer might take a $2500-$3000 worth vehicle and sell it for $5-6K.

[obelisk]

A 1995 convertible mustang has minimal value.  What is the insurance payout if its fully insured?

So BG, how much is this going to cost you to replace the mustang with a safe/presentable car for the 17 year old?

Is it more than a swimming pool?

After all, the bio dad cannot be counted on, I wonder what his take on things are?

[toomuchreality]

Jul 21, 2015 21:38:31 GMT -5 beergut said:

Jul 21, 2015 19:25:22 GMT -5 Artemis Windsong said:

Buy her a blow up kiddy pool, fill it, put her lawn chair by it then wish full filled.

I've offered to do that multiple times, and she keeps saying no.

Years ago, but as a mom with 2 kids (1 & 12 yrs old) and no a/c at the time, I got the kids an above ground pool. Something like 18-24 inches deep and 8 feet across. Occasionally I'd take 1/2 day off work, leave the baby at the sitter and the older one at school, then I'd go home and float on my floater, in the pool. I'd call someone at my place of employment and ask them for the time. Then thank them, saying I needed to know if it was time to turn over yet! tee-hee-hee... 

I once had neighbors that put a blow up pool in their living room. The craziest part of this is that it was a rental apt and they lived on the second floor. I can't imagine doing that!

Either GF is not that desperate yet, or she still thinks she can talk you into having a pool put in.

How's the dog?

[zibazinski]

Does the 17 year old have a job? The insurance must be horrendous plus now an at fault accident complete with a ticket. So higher rates. Lovely.

[giramomma]

Too lazy to look up links, but as long as the mustang wasn't completely rusted out or didn't have 250,000 miles on it, I found ones online for about 4K. I googled, because curious of cost.

I still didn't drive a car that was worth more than 4K until I was in my 30's.

I'm going to also assume the car is worth more than $500-$1,000, because it seems like beer's GF likes the nicer things, and he's mentioned the girls are slightly spoiled.

Are we really going to assume the girl is driving a beater?

[Deleted]

1995

[Miss Tequila]

you sound just like WWBG a few years ago...before his marriage....it hasn't gotten any better