TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Jul 8, 2015 16:06:01 GMT -5
Is this an Ashton/demi situation? ?? No offense meant towards beergut, but I doubt he is Ashton Kutcher young ... to her Demi Moore old. They are within the same age I think, maybe 1-3 years off.
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beergut
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Post by beergut on Jul 9, 2015 0:23:31 GMT -5
Ah, but I am contributing, people just assumed the worst and ran with it, and I was amused by their reaction, so kept reading. My GF and I constantly talk, and a common question from both of us is, "Do you need more from me?" When she continually says 'no', what am I supposed to do? Force her to take money? There is also the issue that I have family and friends telling me I am way too generous with the her and with the kids. Given that I have people telling me I'm too generous, and people on here saying I'm not doing enough, I'd say the truth is somewhere in the middle. Edit to add: I'm assuming you are a single mom, so I'll ask your opinion. I feel the bio-dad doesn't do enough for his kids, as I've said on this thread multiple times. Knowing that, how much of a responsibility would you say I have to fill in for what is missing in their lives? You've already taken on the responsibility whether you admit it or not. The big question is do you want to continue to do so and can you get over the resentment? You pay for things for the kids, and SAY you don't mind, but then you SAY that you're annoyed dad gets off scot free. I understand feeling both, boy do I. I'm on both sides of the equation, my oldest is my DH's step child and I'm step mom to his boy. Neither of their other parents is worth putting out if they were on fire. (to us anyway, the kids might think differently ) Both have paid SOME child support, but not consistently or nearly enough monetarily in one case. (My ex's) You can resent it until it splits you up or you can decide the kids/relationship with their mom is worth it and move on. You dang sure can't get the ex to pay up. My 2 cents, for what it's worth. Good advice.
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beergut
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Gah!!!
Jul 9, 2015 0:29:09 GMT -5
Post by beergut on Jul 9, 2015 0:29:09 GMT -5
Actually, that isn't my stance. I do think your boyfriend (are you still with that guy?) is off, because while it is true that you would still have those bills with or without him there, he would have bills of his own that are gone now because he is living with you. Therefore, he needs to contribute. The purpose of the OP here was to vent. It is somewhat humorous that people automatically feel entitled to certain information even though I never asked for their help. Without going into too much detail, my cost of living before moving in with GF were very minimal. Since moving in with her, my monthly expenditures have more than tripled. There are always some things kids need that I'm happy to help with. It is a constant struggle, because I look at the fact that their father gets off with paying just child support, and I don't want to take on the financial burden of raising someone else's kids, and just take him off the hook. If we were married and I officially became their stepfather, that would be different, but we're not married now. But that is because you moved out of your parents' house to living with your girlfriend, correct? Everyone's living expenses were minimal when they lived with their parents. Believe it or not, my living expenses when I had my apartment and when I lived with my parents were virtually the same. My parents are awesome, but they don't let anyone live with them for free, even if I was moving to help with relatives. The things I like to do in life are relatively cheap. Adding three kids and a GF means you're doing a lot of activities you don't normally do, and your cost to do some things can quintuple. It used to be nothing for me to hop on a plane and go on a trip. Now that requires 5 tickets and 2 hotel rooms. It's a huge difference.
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beergut
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Gah!!!
Jul 9, 2015 0:30:10 GMT -5
Post by beergut on Jul 9, 2015 0:30:10 GMT -5
Is this an Ashton/demi situation? ?? No offense meant towards beergut, but I doubt he is Ashton Kutcher young ... to her Demi Moore old. They are within the same age I think, maybe 1-3 years off. We are 8 years apart, a constant source of amusement for her.
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Jul 9, 2015 7:02:22 GMT -5
No offense meant towards beergut, but I doubt he is Ashton Kutcher young ... to her Demi Moore old. They are within the same age I think, maybe 1-3 years off. We are 8 years apart, a constant source of amusement for her. I am watching your situation closely because my good friend is in a similar situation. He is 27 Childless and she is 34 with a 13 (boy) and 10 year old (girl). It has gotten pretty serious and he has gotten attached to the kids. Difference he is the one with the house and she rents, he wants to ask her to move in but worried about it turning into a sticky situation. The father does pay child support and have the kids Wednesday and Fridays so not absent like your case. But Father is expecting a baby in December with his new girlfriend. Also difference to you: my friend would like to eventually have his "own" kids, so if they do stay together and move on that would need to happen pretty fast since she is 34.
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zibazinski
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Gah!!!
Jul 9, 2015 9:06:54 GMT -5
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 9, 2015 9:06:54 GMT -5
Your friend is right to be concerned. It's one thing to ask a girlfriend to move out , it's entirely another when she has kids. Very difficult. That's how DH ended up married when he didn't want to be. He didn't care about breaking up with her but he felt guilty about making her kids homeless.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Jul 9, 2015 9:10:37 GMT -5
can we please pour gasoline over this thread and light a match to it?
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Jul 9, 2015 9:41:14 GMT -5
We are 8 years apart, a constant source of amusement for her. I am watching your situation closely because my good friend is in a similar situation. He is 27 Childless and she is 34 with a 13 (boy) and 10 year old (girl). It has gotten pretty serious and he has gotten attached to the kids. Difference he is the one with the house and she rents, he wants to ask her to move in but worried about it turning into a sticky situation. The father does pay child support and have the kids Wednesday and Fridays so not absent like your case. But Father is expecting a baby in December with his new girlfriend. Also difference to you: my friend would like to eventually have his "own" kids, so if they do stay together and move on that would need to happen pretty fast since she is 34. Have they talked about all this, especially the kids part? I'm 36 and knew as soon as I had Thing 2 15 years ago that I didn't want any more. At 34, you couldn't have paid me to have another one. And if she doesn't want another, is it a deal breaker?
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