zibazinski
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Gah!!!
Jul 5, 2015 11:46:07 GMT -5
Post by zibazinski on Jul 5, 2015 11:46:07 GMT -5
That's true and I'm sorry I did now. Once you start getting the whole story and the back story, it's more of a mutual mess. Both need to communicate more but both are afraid the other will leave or get kicked out. Which may not be the case at all. But hiding finances is not a good indication of a good relationship.
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Jul 5, 2015 11:46:59 GMT -5
I just think it's hard here sometimes. Some of us want to vent about a little thing and we just want people to pat us on the head and say, "I get it!". But then, it turns into this whole "YOU MUST CHANGE YOUR ENTIRE LIFE!" and a until the OP just goes away and/or people who make "suggestions" aka "this is the correct POV, now surrender!". (Not that I think beergut is going away and not that I think everyone else is doing the latter.)
Talking about money is taboo sometimes in our own homes and especially publicly. Sometimes I just want to vent here to get something out that I cannot get out elsewhere. I don't need my life changed.
<Chloe is done whining now and will go back to her morning.>
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suesinfl
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Post by suesinfl on Jul 5, 2015 11:47:35 GMT -5
When I first explained how imo his buying all the groceries may not have the impact on her budget that he thinks and how taking her on vacations may be causing her to spend money she might not have spent otherwise, he said that was good food for thought. So I don't think he's dug his heels in and refused to consider doing things differently.
I don't think it's bad that Beer is willing to give his GF's kids opportunities to do things they might not have been able to do if he wasn't around. I think it's nice. For MY boyfriend and MY kids, the requests and offers would need to come to me first. That's all I'm saying. I don't even think the GF is a gold-digger or whatever. It sounds like she just never learned to manage her money well because she hasn't had to. She's always had someone to back her up whenever something unexpected happened. That's where things are going to get sticky with their relationship, because partners are suppose to back each other up, but she has to learn that she can't just make messes and expect Beer to clean them up for her.
And as far as the posters saying that Beer is the kids' stepdad, I disagree. Being Mom's boyfriend for a year and moving in doesn't automatically mean a man is taking on the full role of stepdad. Just my opinion. I tried to write the above, but couldn't quite but the words together correctly.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Jul 5, 2015 13:40:58 GMT -5
I think they need to be more honest about what things are costing. What were Beer's bills before he moved in? What were the GF? What are they now?
They have set up their finances in a way that will breed resentment.
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debthaven
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Post by debthaven on Jul 5, 2015 18:25:52 GMT -5
Crap 13 pages in I finally decide to post and then I lost my post LOL.
Here is the short version:
I was in GF's position. I was alone with 3 kids when (now) DH came along 22 years ago. I did NOT want him to have ANY say in how I spent my money / CS, either on myself, or especially on my kids. So I made damn sure I didn't need to ask him for a dime. Like Beer's GF's ex, my ex was fairly absent, but he paid regular CS.
Initially, like Beer, DH paid for extras/treats. For the family as a whole though ... he never offered to pay for something for just one child (I'm not talking about birthday / Xmas gifts). A year into the relationship, no way would I have allowed that, let alone let a second kid approach Beer with a catalogue for another camp. A year later, none of us knew we would last.
Although DH DID start sleeping here, with the kids at home, a year into our relationship. I'm truly glad I wasn't as rigid as some of you about that! He would make them pancakes or a full English breakfast and he was fun and the kids were always THRILLED to wake up and find him here LOL. (I DO understand they wouldn't have been thrilled if there had been a "revolving door" of men ... but, there is a happy medium between zero men and a parade of men, and these kids are 13-17, IIFC.)
Beer is visibly a concerned and extremely generous person to be with a mom of 3 kids. GF must have a bunch of qualities too, but visibly, money management is not one of them LOL. Please forgive me but I'll be frank: I think she was very wrong to insist on taking that vacation. It really struck me that you recently justified it by saying 'she didn't want to make the trip twice in two days'. But IIRC, initially, you posted that YOU had offered to do one of those two arduous round trips.
It also struck me that she ABSOLUTELY didn't need to buy that "swag". She's the one with the three kids, so financially they are HER responsibility, and not yours. Yet when there was a conflict between you helping out your parents (with their dog), she opted to take that vacation anyway, without you. Despite the fact that YOU were paying for the kids' camps, and that the "incidentals" (which she should have been able to cover) turned out to be ... shopping. That REALLY bothers me. I'm sorry, but that sounds incredibly selfish on her part.
GF needs to learn to manage her money. If she feels ashamed at what happened, I think that's understandable. It shouldn't have happened.
If Beer is indeed spending all or most of his time there (is he?), IMO he needs to contribute to the RUNNING of the household, and not just the "extras". If he's really there all the time or nearly all the time, he needs to contribute and his contribution needs to be factored into the expenses of running the house. Will that help the GF budget better? Dunno. That remains to be seen.
Hopefully this situation will make you both think about what you want for the future, and get on the same page.
I wish you the best of luck.
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debthaven
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Gah!!!
Jul 5, 2015 18:46:38 GMT -5
Post by debthaven on Jul 5, 2015 18:46:38 GMT -5
Beer, I know you're not there yet, and you may never be, but I just wanted to mention this.
DH (my keeper DH lol) started hanging around 22 years ago. My ex and I had bought this house 8 years before that, we were co-owners.
Long story short, DH bought my ex out of his half of the house 6 years later, a year after our son was born, so 16 years ago.
We did everything ass-backwards ... he moved in, we had a kid, he bought my ex out of this house, and then we got married. LOL.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Jul 5, 2015 18:57:46 GMT -5
Crap 13 pages in I finally decide to post and then I lost my post LOL. Here is the short version: I was in GF's position. I was alone with 3 kids when (now) DH came along 22 years ago. I did NOT want him to have ANY say in how I spent my money / CS, either on myself, or especially on my kids. So I made damn sure I didn't need to ask him for a dime. Like Beer's GF's ex, my ex was fairly absent, but he paid regular CS. Initially, like Beer, DH paid for extras/treats. For the family as a whole though ... he never offered to pay for something for just one child (I'm not talking about birthday / Xmas gifts). A year into the relationship, no way would I have allowed that, let alone let a second kid approach Beer with a catalogue for another camp. A year later, none of us knew we would last. Although DH DID start sleeping here, with the kids at home, a year into our relationship. I'm truly glad I wasn't as rigid as some of you about that! He would make them pancakes or a full English breakfast and he was fun and the kids were always THRILLED to wake up and find him here LOL. (I DO understand they wouldn't have been thrilled if there had been a "revolving door" of men ... but, there is a happy medium between zero men and a parade of men, and these kids are 13-17, IIFC.) Beer is visibly a concerned and extremely generous person to be with a mom of 3 kids. GF must have a bunch of qualities too, but visibly, money management is not one of them LOL. Please forgive me but I'll be frank: I think she was very wrong to insist on taking that vacation. It really struck me that you recently justified it by saying 'she didn't want to make the trip twice in two days'. But IIRC, initially, you posted that YOU had offered to do one of those two arduous round trips. It also struck me that she ABSOLUTELY didn't need to buy that "swag". She's the one with the three kids, so financially they are HER responsibility, and not yours. Yet when there was a conflict between you helping out your parents (with their dog), she opted to take that vacation anyway, without you. Despite the fact that YOU were paying for the kids' camps, and that the "incidentals" (which she should have been able to cover) turned out to be ... shopping. That REALLY bothers me. I'm sorry, but that sounds incredibly selfish on her part. GF needs to learn to manage her money. If she feels ashamed at what happened, I think that's understandable. It shouldn't have happened. If Beer is indeed spending all or most of his time there (is he?), IMO he needs to contribute to the RUNNING of the household, and not just the "extras". If he's really there all the time or nearly all the time, he needs to contribute and his contribution needs to be factored into the expenses of running the house. Will that help the GF budget better? Dunno. Hopefully this situation will make you both think about what you want for the future, and get on the same page. I wish you the best of luck. But did your bf at the time live with you rent free for a year+? Yes, beer lives there and only contributes to groceries and vacations of his choosing. I am actually surprised his gf feels guilty when asking for help, I would feel entitled.
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debthaven
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Gah!!!
Jul 5, 2015 19:06:30 GMT -5
Post by debthaven on Jul 5, 2015 19:06:30 GMT -5
But did your bf at the time live with you rent free for a year+?
Yes, he did sort of. No rent, no expenses, just "extras". First he spent a couple of nights a week, then 3 or 4, then 5 or 6. It was very gradual. He had a 1BR apt, I had a house with 3 kids in it. After a year, I preferred to let him stay here without "charging" him rather than to farm my kids out so I could spend some nights with my love.
Since you seem shocked by my post, what's your deadline? At what point do you tell a bf or gf, you've spent X nights over the last Y months, now you need to start contributing to this household!
I chose to "go with the flow". I spent a BOMB on babysitting that year when we were hiding our relationship from my kids LOL. It helped that I didn't NEED DH to contribute financially, although my finances were indeed very tight in those days.
The other issue is, a guy with an apt (like Beer or my DH, although my DH owned his apt) probably has NO clue about the expenses of running a home at the beginning.
The best way I can formulate this is, sometimes even people who love each other can take time to get on the same page. It didn't happen instantly for us, but it happened.
ETA: I edited the first paragraph of my response.
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beergut
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Gah!!!
Jul 5, 2015 19:07:01 GMT -5
Post by beergut on Jul 5, 2015 19:07:01 GMT -5
The 17 yr old already has an IRA, and contributes to it every month. The 15 yr old has asked me for books on investing, and can't wait until she turns 16 so she can start working and start investing. She has already asked me to open a student account for her so she can begin saving the money she earns from babysitting. I am constantly lecturing them on the value of money, and the difference between wants and needs. I continually tell them that Disney is crap, there is no Prince Charming who will come and save you, so you have to be self-sufficient. The fact that I sent them to two overnight summer camps equals 'sugar daddy' to you makes me wonder what you did as a kid, and what you did with your kids. I went to overnight summer camps for band when I was in middle school, and we went off to band camp in high school. My parents paid for me to go, and they sure as hell weren't spoiling me by wanting me to have some fun doing something I enjoyed. # 1: Why is younger daughter asking you to open an account for her? Isn't her Mom the one that should do that? You have no legal standing. #2: Why are you "constantly lecturing them on the value of money and the difference between wants and needs"? Again, where's the Mom in all this? #3: Disney is crap and no Prince Charming? Seems to me YOU are Prince Charming, riding in on your white horse to save the little woman from certain financial disaster. But in a past post, you admitted she likely made more money than you do. #4: What I did as a kid is not relevant, I already said I'm from the past and like it or not, times have changed, mostly NOT for the better in some cases. #5: What I did with MY kid? He had his first job when he was 14 washing dishes in a restaurant. We turned his stock over to him when he turned 21, as this is the 44 y/o who still knows where his first nickel went. He's now married for 20 years, has 3 outstanding kids, owns a 6,000sf McMansion (do I need to go on)? And just so you'll know: his wife is an attorney who after the birth of their first child became a stay at home Mom.
As for the rest of the story: I'm 70 years old, been married to the same guy for 50+ years and retired now for 20 years. So please, no need to lecture me on what things I've done wrong. I'm certain my wrongs can top your wrongs!
I will now quietly back away from this thread.
Just to answer your questions: 1) GF didn't like the terms on student accounts at her bank, so we used mine. You don't need a legal standing to open a student account for someone else, or at least it didn't come up when I set one up for the 17 yr old. 2) Your son is 44, so it has been 29 years since he's been a teenager. I don't know how well you remember those years, but teenagers forget everything you tell them seemingly 5 minutes after you tell them. You have to continually remind them and reinforce important points. 3) There is no 'likely', she does make more money than me. I just manage my money a lot better, and because I have been single for so long, have a much larger cushion of savings. 4) If your experiences as a child were that kids don't go to camp because that is considered an unattainable luxury, that is relevant to this thread. It means our viewpoints on child-raising and what is appropriate for children are completely different. It doesn't make you wrong and me right, it just means we're not going to agree in this area. 5) I don't think owning a 6000 SF McMansion is something to brag about. What exactly do you need all that space for? How is his wife becoming a SAHM an accomplishment?
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swamp
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THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
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Post by swamp on Jul 5, 2015 19:14:30 GMT -5
Summer camp is a luxury? I had a pretty middle class upbringing and I usually wnet to some camp. My parents thought it was good for us to go,away for a week and learn new things/meet new people.
When I was a teen they sent me to swim camp. I got some fantastic coaching and it exposed me to,some coaches who then recruited me for college.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 5, 2015 19:14:38 GMT -5
beergut, I would lock this thread. It has passed its usefulness. You've gotten a lot of "good advice" and opinions on how to handle stuff. But I think the bashing of you and the bashing of the girlfriend means that it is past its prime.
Just my 2 cents.
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debthaven
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Gah!!!
Jul 5, 2015 19:18:14 GMT -5
Post by debthaven on Jul 5, 2015 19:18:14 GMT -5
I'm glad I finally posted before it gets locked, if it gets locked. :-)
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Jul 5, 2015 19:24:03 GMT -5
Last!
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Jul 5, 2015 19:25:12 GMT -5
But did your bf at the time live with you rent free for a year+?Yes, he did sort of. No rent, no expenses, just "extras". First he spent a couple of nights a week, then 3 or 4, then 5 or 6. It was very gradual. He had a 1BR apt, I had a house with 3 kids in it. After a year, I preferred to let him stay here without "charging" him rather than to farm my kids out so I could spend some nights with my love. Since you seem shocked by my post, what's your deadline? At what point do you tell a bf or gf, you've spent X nights over the last Y months, now you need to start contributing to this household! I chose to "go with the flow". I spent a BOMB on babysitting that year when we were hiding our relationship from my kids LOL. It helped that I didn't NEED DH to contribute financially, although my finances were indeed very tight in those days. The other issue is, a guy with an apt (like Beer or my DH, although my DH owned his apt) probably has NO clue about the expenses of running a home at the beginning. The best way I can formulate this is, sometimes even people who love each other can take time to get on the same page. It didn't happen instantly for us, but it happened. ETA: I edited the first paragraph of my response. Because his gf is obviously struggling financially while her boyfriend lives there rent-free. Beer doesn't pay rent anywhere else. He is able to save all the money that would otherwise go to monthly water, internet, power, rent, garbage, cable, gas, etc. so of course he has money for extras.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Jul 5, 2015 19:27:53 GMT -5
There is a huge difference in not paying anything because you still have your own place- even if you are spending most nights away and not having any housing bills at all.
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Jul 5, 2015 19:29:01 GMT -5
My $.02: I don't think there is enough information to judge whether beer contributes enough to the household or not. (IMO, it should be mutually beneficial, as in, both save a little by shacking up.) There's only enough information here to see that GF splurged when she couldn't really afford to. (Who goes on vacation without a cushion? Am I the only one paranoid about this?) Definitely get the money figured out before considering marriage.
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debthaven
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Post by debthaven on Jul 5, 2015 19:29:36 GMT -5
I may be mistaken, but I thought Beer was still renting.
If he's not, or even if he is, I agree, if he wants to continue living there, he should pay part of the expenses.
But relationships don't work on a formula. Relationships are hard, taking on stepkids is harder. There is no formula for this, they need to find their own way, and that may take some time.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 5, 2015 19:34:23 GMT -5
Summer camp is a luxury? I had a pretty middle class upbringing and I usually wnet to some camp. My parents thought it was good for us to go,away for a week and learn new things/meet new people. When I was a teen they sent me to swim camp. I got some fantastic coaching and it exposed me to,some coaches who then recruited me for college. Horse camp- 175$ 20 minutes away... several of daughters friends go. Video Game Development 600-800 an hour away... son goes alone. Camp may not be a luxury, but not all camps are equally accessible.
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debthaven
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Post by debthaven on Jul 5, 2015 19:35:07 GMT -5
Because his gf is obviously struggling financially while her boyfriend lives there rent-free.
Yet she earns more than he does, and she gets CS (as she should!)
To me there are two separate issues here: Beer's contributions (and I'm guessing he's rethinking those) and his GF's spendiness.
They are two separate issues. Given the issues he's mentioned, are you SURE that if Beer started contributing to the household rather than to extras / treats, his GF would suddenly be solvent with a large cushion in the bank?
Because I'm not.
Again, to me, there are two separate issues:
- Beer needs to contribute differently if he really lives there - If he still rents his own place and never stays there, he needs to think about that, and about how committed he is to the relationship - The GF needs to manage her own money and stop running to Dad / Beer for $500 she spent on "wants" (lamps, swag).
I don't see how that is so complicated. I don't see how those things are mutually exclusive.
Sorry it's late here I'm going to bed.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Jul 5, 2015 19:45:56 GMT -5
I may be mistaken, but I thought Beer was still renting. If he's not, or even if he is, I agree, if he wants to continue living there, he should pay part of the expenses. But relationships don't work on a formula. Relationships are hard, taking on stepkids is harder. There is no formula for this, they need to find their own way, and that may take some time. I'll let beer chime in here, but he was pretty clear on another post that he lives at her house and his contributions are limited to groceries and vacations. People struggling financially for all kinds of reasons. Maybe the house is too much for her to afford on her own. All we know is beer says she's bad with money.
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Lizard Queen
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Gah!!!
Jul 5, 2015 20:27:01 GMT -5
Post by Lizard Queen on Jul 5, 2015 20:27:01 GMT -5
Since we don't have numbers, I'm just going to make some wild guesses. Say, he pays $800 for groceries for the 5 of them each month. His additional presence in the household adds $300/month to the household expenses. BGF is ahead by $500/month with this arrangement. Let's say his household costs living alone would be $1000/month. He's slightly ahead with this arrangement as well. Is that enough for just a BF who is not on the title of the house, and has to put up with 4 roommates to boot? I think so. (This may vary with different costs, but like I mentioned previously, we don't have enough information to judge.) The structure of it may be awkward, but maybe less so than dividing every bill by a certain amount.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 5, 2015 20:30:13 GMT -5
Only IF she also used to pay 800 a month for groceries. IF she didn't eat as much/the same kinds of things pre beer, and she shopped sales and coupons, etc. She might have only been spending $400... so if he's adding $300 to the household, she's up $100.
And that doesn't count adding to expenses such as going on more vacations etc. Its quite possible she is not ahead at all with him living in the house.
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beergut
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Post by beergut on Jul 5, 2015 20:31:51 GMT -5
Crap 13 pages in I finally decide to post and then I lost my post LOL. Here is the short version: I was in GF's position. I was alone with 3 kids when (now) DH came along 22 years ago. I did NOT want him to have ANY say in how I spent my money / CS, either on myself, or especially on my kids. So I made damn sure I didn't need to ask him for a dime. Like Beer's GF's ex, my ex was fairly absent, but he paid regular CS. Initially, like Beer, DH paid for extras/treats. For the family as a whole though ... he never offered to pay for something for just one child (I'm not talking about birthday / Xmas gifts). A year into the relationship, no way would I have allowed that, let alone let a second kid approach Beer with a catalogue for another camp. A year later, none of us knew we would last. Although DH DID start sleeping here, with the kids at home, a year into our relationship. I'm truly glad I wasn't as rigid as some of you about that! He would make them pancakes or a full English breakfast and he was fun and the kids were always THRILLED to wake up and find him here LOL. (I DO understand they wouldn't have been thrilled if there had been a "revolving door" of men ... but, there is a happy medium between zero men and a parade of men, and these kids are 13-17, IIFC.) Beer is visibly a concerned and extremely generous person to be with a mom of 3 kids. GF must have a bunch of qualities too, but visibly, money management is not one of them LOL. Please forgive me but I'll be frank: I think she was very wrong to insist on taking that vacation. It really struck me that you recently justified it by saying 'she didn't want to make the trip twice in two days'. But IIRC, initially, you posted that YOU had offered to do one of those two arduous round trips. It also struck me that she ABSOLUTELY didn't need to buy that "swag". She's the one with the three kids, so financially they are HER responsibility, and not yours. Yet when there was a conflict between you helping out your parents (with their dog), she opted to take that vacation anyway, without you. Despite the fact that YOU were paying for the kids' camps, and that the "incidentals" (which she should have been able to cover) turned out to be ... shopping. That REALLY bothers me. I'm sorry, but that sounds incredibly selfish on her part. GF needs to learn to manage her money. If she feels ashamed at what happened, I think that's understandable. It shouldn't have happened. If Beer is indeed spending all or most of his time there (is he?), IMO he needs to contribute to the RUNNING of the household, and not just the "extras". If he's really there all the time or nearly all the time, he needs to contribute and his contribution needs to be factored into the expenses of running the house. Will that help the GF budget better? Dunno. That remains to be seen. Hopefully this situation will make you both think about what you want for the future, and get on the same page. I wish you the best of luck. I think your experience and my experience were very similar. When we started dating, I was initially staying over one night a week, and I'd leave before the kids woke up. Our places were an hour or 40 minutes apart, depending on whether or not you wanted to use a toll road. I would drive an hour, we'd go out to dinner and dancing, come back to her place for a few hours, then she'd wake me up and I'd drive an hour home. That progressed to me coming over and staying on the weekends. My general rule for women with kids was that they wouldn't meet me until we'd been together for a year, but the now-15 yr old spoiled that when she was 13, and was home for vacation break and up late one night. She met me a few weeks after we started dating. I then met the other kids. So much for that rule My other rule is that I wouldn't introduce anyone I was dating to my parents until I put a ring on her finger. After her sister died, my mother guilted me into letting her meet GF. "How would you feel if something happened to me, and I never met the love of your life?" She met my parents 6 months after we started dating, they met the kids 7 months after. She asked me to move in at 9 months, I think it was, and I moved in about a month after that, so 10 months. Not quite a year.
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Lizard Queen
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Gah!!!
Jul 5, 2015 20:36:52 GMT -5
Post by Lizard Queen on Jul 5, 2015 20:36:52 GMT -5
Only IF she also used to pay 800 a month for groceries. IF she didn't eat as much/the same kinds of things pre beer, and she shopped sales and coupons, etc. She might have only been spending $400... so if he's adding $300 to the household, she's up $100.
And that doesn't count adding to expenses such as going on more vacations etc. Its quite possible she is not ahead at all with him living in the house. Like I said, I'm making wild guesses. I'm guessing that he's adding $200 to the grocery bill and $100 to the other utilities. It could be totally different--it probably is.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 5, 2015 20:37:39 GMT -5
I don't think he knows either. That's the point we've been trying to make.
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giramomma
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Gah!!!
Jul 5, 2015 21:07:23 GMT -5
Post by giramomma on Jul 5, 2015 21:07:23 GMT -5
Just because I'm nosy... Have you talked $$ for a wedding yet. Who is going to pay? Are you beergut? Splitting the costs? Her parents footing the entire bill? I have been thinking that the church wedding may be a good bargaining chip. My motto would be "OK, do you want your kids to have more stuff, or do you want a church wedding? Would you rather have nice lamps, or a church wedding.." "You know, we could have that church wedding sooner if you save X % vs X percent." That might get her into saving habits/better financial mindset, while working towards a goal she really, really wants. I'd try to make it super concrete. "Ok, honey, you want to save $10K for the wedding. Let's each put 500/month into a savings account specifically for the wedding. We'll have it automatically taken out of our separate checking accounts the day the paycheck hits. That way, we'll never notice it's gone." After the wedding "Look how well you've done saving $500/month. The kids are still getting treats, and you got the wedding you wanted. Let's keep putting that money away in a savings account ..I'm sure we could find a good use for it in the future." Course, if her parents are paying all out for another wedding, this won't work at all...
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justme
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Post by justme on Jul 5, 2015 21:10:42 GMT -5
That sounds like a bad way for her to go right back to her spendthrift ways as soon as they get married. What is he going to bribe her with next to make her to save?
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Lizard Queen
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103/2024
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Gah!!!
Jul 5, 2015 21:27:52 GMT -5
Post by Lizard Queen on Jul 5, 2015 21:27:52 GMT -5
I don't think he knows either. That's the point we've been trying to make. Oh. It seemed to me that at least some people were implying that it was a shittily insufficient contribution. . I don't think that it is, necessarily. I do agree that they need to figure that out. Definitely before contemplating marriage. His role in supplying the fun stuff is also an interesting point made earlier. It might be that is the only way the fun stuff can happen, if she is so bad with money. Maybe not. Maybe they need to give GF a chance to figure it out.
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Deleted
Joined: Oct 6, 2024 20:25:38 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Jul 5, 2015 21:28:41 GMT -5
Gira- I think it's better to sit down together and figure out all the financials.
(And the day I put a wedding before my kids... Well... Married doesn't mean wedding necessarily.)
ll- I certainly don't assume his contribution is enough. It might be shortly insufficient. I couldn't know and he doesn't answer any of the questions which might indicate. I definitely think the manner/nature of contributions is problematic given the circumstances described.
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gooddecisions
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Joined: Dec 22, 2010 13:42:28 GMT -5
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Gah!!!
Jul 5, 2015 22:23:36 GMT -5
Post by gooddecisions on Jul 5, 2015 22:23:36 GMT -5
We just don't know. Beer hasn't addressed specifically how much he pays for groceries and extras and how it compares to what it would be living on his own. Or even if he is the type to court all of his non-live in girlfriends with dinner out and extras- like trips together.
if I were to totally make up her side, it could sound like:
dear ymam, I've been struggling financially for awhile. I am a single mom with 3 teenagers. I make good money, but it isn't enough to make ends meet. I have the most wonderful boyfriend who gave up his place and moved in 10 months ago. He is great with my children and even pays for groceries and vacations. I love that we have the privacy in the hotel rooms he pays for to give us alone time together, but that means new lingerie and clothes so I can look sexy for him. I still give the kids lunch money and money to go out to eat with friends. I buy my lunch a lot at work as well so that the entire food bill isn't his. I am ashamed every time it have to ask him for money. Should I ask him for more money for the household bills or will i lose him?
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