MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Apr 22, 2015 19:01:52 GMT -5
Speaking of which, I'm hoping this latest guy just magically fades into the night. I really don't want to have THAT conversation.
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Apr 22, 2015 19:06:41 GMT -5
Okay shit, it was match.com and I just went back and mine says divorced and I am not. OMG I don't know how that happened. His said divorced for sure, I remember that.
Yeah I was like that too Pink, that came out of left field. That was even suckier than the "I don't think I want to be married anymore" from mine.
Angel I will ask him what his deal is because now I am interested in what his motive was. We text A LOT, there was never ANY sexual innuendo so not sure it would totally be about getting some, maybe he needed an ego boost. I know I did.
I am super fu%%ing outraged for Miss T. as well, my heart sunk and I was like WTF.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Apr 22, 2015 19:33:33 GMT -5
Okay shit, it was match.com and I just went back and mine says divorced and I am not. OMG I don't know how that happened. His said divorced for sure, I remember that. Yeah I was like that too Pink, that came out of left field. That was even suckier than the "I don't think I want to be married anymore" from mine. Angel I will ask him what his deal is because now I am interested in what his motive was. We text A LOT, there was never ANY sexual innuendo so not sure it would totally be about getting some, maybe he needed an ego boost. I know I did. I am super fu%%ing outraged for Miss T. as well, my heart sunk and I was like WTF. To be fair, I say I'm divorced even though it isn't final yet. Papers are filed so it is just waiting on the court. In my heart Im divorced so the rest is a technicality. Of course, re guy Im dating knows it isn't finalized yet Aww, don't be outraged for me. It was a shitty way to end a marriage but I'm much better off now. I don't want to be with someone whose heart and soul isn't into the relationship. I deserve someone who adores me, not someone who is with me because he feels stuck
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ArchietheDragon
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Post by ArchietheDragon on Apr 22, 2015 19:40:55 GMT -5
Okay shit, it was match.com and I just went back and mine says divorced and I am not. OMG I don't know how that happened. His said divorced for sure, I remember that. Yeah I was like that too Pink, that came out of left field. That was even suckier than the "I don't think I want to be married anymore" from mine. Angel I will ask him what his deal is because now I am interested in what his motive was. We text A LOT, there was never ANY sexual innuendo so not sure it would totally be about getting some, maybe he needed an ego boost. I know I did. I am super fu%%ing outraged for Miss T. as well, my heart sunk and I was like WTF. To be fair, I say I'm divorced even though it isn't final yet. Papers are filed so it is just waiting on the court. In my heart Im divorced so the rest is a technicality. Of course, re guy Im dating knows it isn't finalized yet Aww, don't be outraged for me. It was a shitty way to end a marriage but I'm much better off now. I don't want to be with someone whose heart and soul isn't into the relationship. I deserve someone who adores me, not someone who is with me because he feels stuck [ I'd hit it, tequila.
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Apr 22, 2015 19:43:39 GMT -5
Okay shit, it was match.com and I just went back and mine says divorced and I am not. OMG I don't know how that happened. His said divorced for sure, I remember that. Yeah I was like that too Pink, that came out of left field. That was even suckier than the "I don't think I want to be married anymore" from mine. Angel I will ask him what his deal is because now I am interested in what his motive was. We text A LOT, there was never ANY sexual innuendo so not sure it would totally be about getting some, maybe he needed an ego boost. I know I did. I am super fu%%ing outraged for Miss T. as well, my heart sunk and I was like WTF. Isn't your divorce final or really close? I don't think it is as big as deal on your end vs we split 2 weeks earlier. It just kills me someone would do that. I think it bothers me so much because separated, but not divorced is one of my dealbreakers. I'm not interested in someone who is only a few months split and might be trying to decide if they want to reconcile. With my luck I end up really liking someone and they decide they need to get back with their wife. I want the relationship over and the guy emotionally ready to move on. I know separated people may be ready to move on and divorced people can still reconcile, but it seems like those would be less likely. Maybe this guy is just seeing what's out there, testing the waters.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Apr 22, 2015 19:48:50 GMT -5
But seriously, I don't know what the hell my problem is in dating and trying to establish a relationship.
I'm college educated, have a stable job and make decent money, tall, not addicted to anything and don't have a criminal record. But I go out in the dating world and it's like I have two heads.
Very frustrating. Those qualities are good, and on the boards you come across as a nice guy, but I gotta ask.....Are you fun to be around? I like men that know how to handle business but also know how to relax and have fun. Someone that can make me smile or laugh is preferable to someone that's uptight and serious all the time. I'm not saying I think you're uptight or always serious, I'm asking. I think I can be fun to be around, and funny. I'm usually not a comedian all the time, but can crack a joke every once and a while. I have tried to "lighten up" over the past few years in regards to my dating life.
But that's the kind of assessment that's very subjective and hard to give to one's self.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Apr 22, 2015 21:58:48 GMT -5
I think I must have just been lucky when it came to dating. Except for the time that I took to decide where I was at in relation to dating and what I wanted, I never had much of an issue. But, I actually didn't care whether I dated or didn't. I like my own company and I enjoy being alone. I'm never lonely. Ummm....you are pretty good looking, so that might have something to do with it
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Apr 22, 2015 22:00:55 GMT -5
A while back, someone (I think it was beergut) made the argument that women overall had a harder time dating than men.
I thought that was a pretty bold statement, given that hasn't been my experience. But obviously I haven't experienced how the other half lives.
So, who do you think has it harder when it comes to dating? I'd say that women of a certain education level (higher than a Bachelors degree) and age range (over 30) have a more difficult time dating than younger or less educated women. But men with unstable job situations ("unstable" doesn't necessarily refer to the size of their paycheck) will have a pretty hard time finding someone for more than a booty call. My husband, while wasn't so much threatened by my education and job, was very skeptical that I would be OK being SAHM after we had kids. Now days he brags about my Master's degree like it is his personal accomplishment.
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msventoux
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Post by msventoux on Apr 22, 2015 22:01:44 GMT -5
I think I must have just been lucky when it came to dating. Except for the time that I took to decide where I was at in relation to dating and what I wanted, I never had much of an issue. But, I actually didn't care whether I dated or didn't. I like my own company and I enjoy being alone. I'm never lonely. Ummm....you are pretty good looking, so that might have something to do with it Blondes have more fun. (Wanders off to look at hair dye.)
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Apr 22, 2015 22:02:47 GMT -5
I looked so crappy as a blond. Yeah, I had oodles of fun getting all "blondiness" out of my hair
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Apr 22, 2015 22:20:50 GMT -5
[It was hard for about 4 days. Then I realized he is a douche and I can do better. I made a plan, got a house and moved on with my life. I'm not one for pity parties. You are amazing! If I was strong like you, then I probably wouldn't have ended up in a such a bad relationship. Instead I spent years trying to save a doomed relationship convinced that I could somehow fix it (fix him). Although, then I wouldn't have my little munchkins, so I can't really regret anything. Exactly this in my case too. But I will tell you, you will come out strong in the end. I promise. My ex wasn't an addict, he was abusive. I spent a long time looking over my shoulder after we split. But nowadays, I'm a pretty bad broad! I also have the most amazing kids as a result. Even if they do make me want to beat them half the time. I would do it all over again just to get them out of it.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Apr 22, 2015 22:35:48 GMT -5
It's interesting that women with kids seem to be a turn off b/c whenever DH out and about with the kids he has women swarm all over him. He said he would have babysat his nephews more often if he'd known babies were such chick magnets. Even happens to my dad! I ran into my parents at the Farmer's Market and had Gwen with me. She was about 4 months old at the time. My dad volunteered to hold her while I got out my billfold. This huge swarm of women came down upon him cooing over his new baby. He turned beet red and muttered it was not his baby, it was mine and handed her off to me like a hot potato. I told him he should be flattered that he apparently looks young enough to be a new daddy. This is totally true. Whenever my coworker is out with his kids women fawn over him. I guess it's something about him being able to take them out in his own even when they were babies. Not always. I don't date men with kids. Flame all you want. But if I am talking to a guy I'm interested in and he says he has kids at home, I'm not interested anymore. Part of the reason I usually date way older men. Their kids are grown. I have enough to deal with with my own kids.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Apr 22, 2015 22:51:51 GMT -5
I'm college educated, have a stable job and make decent money, tall, not addicted to anything and don't have a criminal record.
How YOU doin!
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msventoux
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Post by msventoux on Apr 22, 2015 23:07:45 GMT -5
This is totally true. Whenever my coworker is out with his kids women fawn over him. I guess it's something about him being able to take them out in his own even when they were babies. Not always. I don't date men with kids. Flame all you want. But if I am talking to a guy I'm interested in and he says he has kids at home, I'm not interested anymore. Part of the reason I usually date way older men. Their kids are grown. I have enough to deal with with my own kids. I don't want kids or want to be around a significant others kids. On the other hand, I couldn't be with someone who wasn't a good dad to his kids and would allow a romantic relationship to get in the way of his responsibilities. So no dating anyone with kids. Life's hard enough without putting yourself in a position like that. Plus, crazy exes are bad enough. Crazy exes who are also baby mamas are a whole 'nother level of crazy to deal with that I don't have the energy or patience for.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Apr 22, 2015 23:21:43 GMT -5
Not always. I don't date men with kids. Flame all you want. But if I am talking to a guy I'm interested in and he says he has kids at home, I'm not interested anymore. Part of the reason I usually date way older men. Their kids are grown. I have enough to deal with with my own kids. I don't want kids or want to be around a significant others kids. On the other hand, I couldn't be with someone who wasn't a good dad to his kids and would allow a romantic relationship to get in the way of his responsibilities. So no dating anyone with kids. Life's hard enough without putting yourself in a position like that. Plus, crazy exes are bad enough. Crazy exes who are also baby mamas are a whole 'nother level of crazy to deal with that I don't have the energy or patience for. Exactly! I dated a guy with kids one time. He told me his baby mama and him weren't the best of friends but civil. I thought it was ok. After a while I saw how much hurting each other was to them and they used that poor kid as a pawn to do so. They caused some serious issues to this kid in the process. The drama was so bad that the kid ended up in a mental hospital. I didn't want mine subjected to that and flew the coop! I sometimes wonder how that poor kid ended up, but I'm not about to initiate contact with his dad. He texted me a few times to try to get back, but I told him to stop and then ignored him.
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Apr 23, 2015 1:17:38 GMT -5
I was pretty much looking for a guy with kids. I felt like a guy around my age without kids wouldn't get how busy I am or understand when I have to cancel dates because a kid is sick.
If I didn't have full custody with limited babysitting options I probably would have felt different. But as it was I wanted someone who had done the kid thing and would know what he was getting into. Someone who would get that a last minute weekend trip was never going to be an option and that you can't call me at noon and expect I will be able to go to a movie that same evening.
My only problem is I generally don't like other people's kid, so I wasn't sure how that was going to turn out.
But I totally get the finding men with kids a turn on. I emailed the guy I did because he mentioned in his profile that the last book he read was Divergent and he read it because his daughter asked him to. I thought that was so sweet and showed he was he an involved father. Plus, he was cute and we had other stuff in common, that comment just put him over the top.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Apr 23, 2015 5:06:34 GMT -5
My ex and I have a 3/4 split with DS so sure, I can be spontaneous - but only on certain days of the week!
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Apr 23, 2015 7:42:55 GMT -5
I don't want to date men with young children either. I could probably handle high schoolers but nothing younger. Mine are launched so just not interested.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 23, 2015 7:46:00 GMT -5
I'd have to find a guy willing to just go out every other Saturday from 11-6. Then again, I'm always so thrilled for that time to clean the house without someone messing it up at the same time, that I'm not sure I'd want to give it up to go out.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Apr 23, 2015 7:56:38 GMT -5
Eh, im not that good looking. Women that look good in Florida are a dime a dozen.
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PK Bucko
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Post by PK Bucko on Apr 23, 2015 9:36:03 GMT -5
Oops...It was my 20th wedding anniversary but 25th high school reunion. I must have screwed the two up It was hard for about 4 days. Then I realized he is a douche and I can do better. I made a plan, got a house and moved on with my life. I'm not one for pity parties. The hardest part is the kids. I feel bad for them. He doesn't much want to be a father anymore, either. He must be having one hell of a mid life crisis! Wow. I still have problems. Everybody handles it differently. My ex and I separated 3 years ago and divorced 2 years ago. It still screws with me. Nowhere near as bad as it used to, but every now and then it's like it happened five minutes ago. I guess all I'm saying is don't feel like you're alone or wrong for it. From all of the people I talked with about this, the time it takes to "move on" is subjective. There's no given timetable.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Apr 23, 2015 9:58:48 GMT -5
Wow. I still have problems. Everybody handles it differently. My ex and I separated 3 years ago and divorced 2 years ago. It still screws with me. Nowhere near as bad as it used to, but every now and then it's like it happened five minutes ago. I guess all I'm saying is don't feel like you're alone or wrong for it. From all of the people I talked with about this, the time it takes to "move on" is subjective. There's no given timetable. I agree with that statement. We all have different personalities and I also think how/why we got divorced comes into play, too. L
May we all have very happy lives...because that is the best revenge
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Apr 24, 2015 21:21:11 GMT -5
Well, rather than speculate, here's some actual data.
www.businessinsider.com/likelihood-of-getting-a-response-in-online-dating-men-vs-women-2013-7
It was actually pretty interesting. I was surprised that women are more likely to respond to younger men than older men.
But it is pretty clear that men are at a pretty big disadvantage online:
"So the first thing: Comparing men and women responding to people their own age, Women respond to men 4% of the time while men respond to women around 18% of the time.
What does this mean? Generally speaking, an average straight man will have to send 25 messages to women his own age procure one response, while the average straight woman will have to send 5 messages.
That's fascinating, and also could be an explanation — men sending a lot more messages than women — for the disparity.
But also let's look at what other conclusions we can draw. -Straight dudes' best bet is to just pursue the Mrs. Robinson situation. There's an 8-10% likelihood a woman 10-8 years your senior will respond to a message, double the rate for your own peers.
- Ladies, there's at worst a 1 in 6 chance any man will respond to your message regardless of your age, so just go for it. Rob a cradle or raid a grave, it really doesn't matter to men.
- For men of a certain age: The New York Jets have better odds of going to the Superbowl this year than you do of getting a response to a message sent to someone ten years your junior."
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Apr 24, 2015 21:24:29 GMT -5
So, overall, women are likely to get almost 5x as many responses to e-mails they send out as a man does when contacting someone their own age.
So all those blanket e-mails that guys send out, this might be a reason why.
So it's pretty clear that men have a far harder time dating (online at least) than women.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Apr 24, 2015 21:41:10 GMT -5
A response could be anything from "hey sexy" to "you're not my type", so that's not a good enough measure of success.
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Apr 24, 2015 22:12:09 GMT -5
So all those blanket e-mails that guys send out, this might be a reason why.
So it's pretty clear that men have a far harder time dating (online at least) than women. Or are the blanket emails the reason women rarely respond. Is it the cause or the effect.
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justme
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Post by justme on Apr 25, 2015 10:00:14 GMT -5
When someone sends me a message that says "hi" or something graphic relating to sex or just a damn winky face that all counts as a message I'm not responding too.
The more inundated I am with messages the less likely I am to respond and honestly if I get enough gross messages in a short time frame I won't log in so a month or so. So all those messages count as me not responding even though they choose to send it to someone that hasn't been online in a while. I've also done it after a string of nothing but one word messages too.
Case in point I got tired of one site and didn't log in for over a month. I didn't respond to a message from a guy i did respond to a few months later on another site.
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tallguy
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Post by tallguy on Apr 27, 2015 2:15:36 GMT -5
That may be true. I was persuaded to create an online profile. I don't log on very often, but it seemed like almost every time I did I got either a "xxxxxx wants to meet you," a "xxxxxx has made you a Favorite," or a message from somebody. (Yes, I understand women get a lot more responses, but how many of those are from men worth responding to...?) I've met more than a dozen after e-mail exchanges and I don't think there was even one of those that I messaged first. In fact, there may be only six or seven that I messaged first at all.
Women certainly have MORE options. They don't necessarily have BETTER options. Most men are either clueless, stupid, or jerks.
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Apr 27, 2015 6:54:58 GMT -5
I look for tall guys, I have no idea why, I like tall guys. I am hanging with a few.
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justme
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Post by justme on Apr 27, 2015 7:55:08 GMT -5
So Sat I had a blind quadruple date. Two married couples, my bff and her live in, and then me and this guy. He knew everyone but me I only knew my bff. It went pretty well and apparently he told bff's bf that I'm awesome. I'll take that . Though it was a little much with both of them stoked. Her bf mentioned a couple of times how cute we looked together and how it seemed we had good banter. Lol! They are supposed to pass on my number so we'll see what happens. They think he's back in their town (an hour or two from me depending) but not sure if it's permanent as he previously lived in mine. Other potential probs is the bf let it slip that he's divorced w a young kid. Not sure how long divorced, but I'm guessing not much since his/their house just sold.
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