nutty
Well-Known Member
Joined: Mar 31, 2014 5:37:19 GMT -5
Posts: 1,166
|
Post by nutty on Apr 16, 2015 12:54:32 GMT -5
Nope, just the way I worded it, nothing hypocritical about it at all. I am speaking to what I know. I am a woman therefore I speak to mostly woman. The men I have spoken to have spoken to me about their woman and they call them crazy when I think what they have done, are doing is not so crazy. The few men who I have conversed with are still hung up on the divorce and bitter, it's all my personal experience and that is what I write from. I don't write to be PC or to be called hypocritical, I write what I have experienced.
|
|
andi9899
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 6, 2011 10:22:29 GMT -5
Posts: 31,332
|
Post by andi9899 on Apr 16, 2015 14:45:24 GMT -5
I am a white anglo saxon heterosexual middle aged male and don't really know how to go about getting a date. I am reasonably nice looking, have a job, am reasonably fit, don't have any drama. How do I find someone? That's the question of the day, the great mystery of the universe right there.
Why do losers appear to be beating off women with a stick, but "nice guys" that should be good on paper can't get a date?
I have my theories. Similar to how the women of these message boards say men say they want to be asked out but really don't, women often don't say what they mean either. Many say they want a nice stable guy with a good job, but in reality feel like someone like that is "boring." Stable and drama free is boring, and they want excitement. Plus it gives them a chance to "fix" a guy. Obviously not all women fall into this generalization, but I think many do. Coupled with the fact that I think many women out there having lingering daddy issues and low self esteem is why you see so many end up with losers.
I think there's also a cadre of women out there that have unrealistic expectations, a long laundry list of "must haves" that disqualify virtually every guy on the market.
Between these two groups, I can see how it would be hard for a "good guy" to find the right woman.
But that's just a theory. If I had an answer for you, I wouldn't be single.
Hell, I wish I could manage to find a stable drama free guy! I get the ones who see a strong independent woman and then want me to take care of them. Either that or they are as mature as a 13 yo girl and constantly want to create drama where there doesn't need to be.
|
|
justme
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 10, 2012 13:12:47 GMT -5
Posts: 14,618
|
Post by justme on Apr 16, 2015 15:24:10 GMT -5
I want a stable drama free guy that doesn't look at me like I'm crazy when I suggest we jump off a cliff into a lake or gets in the car when I show up at his place no questions asked.
|
|
MJ2.0
Senior Associate
Joined: Jul 24, 2014 10:27:09 GMT -5
Posts: 11,049
|
Post by MJ2.0 on Apr 16, 2015 15:45:03 GMT -5
Um...
|
|
Phoenix84
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 17, 2011 21:42:35 GMT -5
Posts: 10,056
|
Post by Phoenix84 on Apr 16, 2015 15:52:26 GMT -5
I want a stable drama free guy that doesn't look at me like I'm crazy when I suggest we jump off a cliff into a lake or gets in the car when I show up at his place no questions asked. Ok, that is a little creepy.
|
|
|
Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Apr 16, 2015 15:55:18 GMT -5
I want a stable drama free guy that doesn't look at me like I'm crazy when I suggest we jump off a cliff into a lake or gets in the car when I show up at his place no questions asked. Ok, that is a little creepy. Why? It's creepy to be spontaneous?
|
|
Robert not Bobby
Well-Known Member
Joined: Jan 29, 2013 17:45:55 GMT -5
Posts: 1,392
|
Post by Robert not Bobby on Apr 16, 2015 16:09:55 GMT -5
A while back, someone (I think it was beergut) made the argument that women overall had a harder time dating than men.
I thought that was a pretty bold statement, given that hasn't been my experience. But obviously I haven't experienced how the other half lives.
So, who do you think has it harder when it comes to dating? I think it is not so much a gender issue as it is a personality type issue. I am happy and look forward to meeting a new lady (that is all behind me now)...but of course, nervous to a degree. If you aren't slightly nervous and apprehensive, then you are numb. Get out there when you feel ready...and there will be plenty of frogs before you meet your prince, if that is what you are looking for.
|
|
Angel!
Senior Associate
Politics Admin
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 11:44:08 GMT -5
Posts: 10,722
|
Post by Angel! on Apr 16, 2015 16:11:00 GMT -5
A while back, someone (I think it was beergut) made the argument that women overall had a harder time dating than men.
I thought that was a pretty bold statement, given that hasn't been my experience. But obviously I haven't experienced how the other half lives.
So, who do you think has it harder when it comes to dating? I think it is not so much a gender issue as it is a personality type issue. I am happy and look forward to meeting a new lady (that is all behind me now)...but of course, nervous to a degree. If you aren't slightly nervous and apprehensive, then you are numb. Get out there when you feel ready...and there will be plenty of frogs before you meet your prince, if that is what you are looking for. I'm pretty sure Phoenix is looking for a princess.
|
|
justme
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 10, 2012 13:12:47 GMT -5
Posts: 14,618
|
Post by justme on Apr 16, 2015 16:24:23 GMT -5
I want a stable drama free guy that doesn't look at me like I'm crazy when I suggest we jump off a cliff into a lake or gets in the car when I show up at his place no questions asked. Ok, that is a little creepy. What Mich said. It's not some rando that doesn't know me. Presumably someone in a relationship with me likes and trusts me and knows I only jump off cliffs not drive. I like heading off with no direction, GPS will get me home.
|
|
quince
Senior Member
Joined: Sept 23, 2011 17:51:12 GMT -5
Posts: 2,699
|
Post by quince on Apr 16, 2015 16:55:43 GMT -5
Spontaneous and "get in the car when I show up without notice and let me take you wherever I choose for as long as I want without providing any information" are not the same thing.
|
|
Angel!
Senior Associate
Politics Admin
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 11:44:08 GMT -5
Posts: 10,722
|
Post by Angel! on Apr 16, 2015 17:13:36 GMT -5
Spontaneous and "get in the car when I show up without notice and let me take you wherever I choose for as long as I want without providing any information" are not the same thing. I think the intent & her meaning are not creepy. The way she phrased it came off as creepy. Maybe because she listed such few requirements for a man, but they were oddly specific, that it came off as weird.
Better phrasing may have been "drama-free, spontaneous, and enjoys surprises"
|
|
t-dog
Senior Member
Joined: Mar 17, 2011 13:46:06 GMT -5
Posts: 2,016
|
Post by t-dog on Apr 16, 2015 17:19:52 GMT -5
MJ2.0 you are so right - with 2 post grad degrees and being upper 40's I gotta say women have it worse.
|
|
t-dog
Senior Member
Joined: Mar 17, 2011 13:46:06 GMT -5
Posts: 2,016
|
Post by t-dog on Apr 16, 2015 17:22:32 GMT -5
I am finding match to be virtually useless.
|
|
Phoenix84
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 17, 2011 21:42:35 GMT -5
Posts: 10,056
|
Post by Phoenix84 on Apr 16, 2015 17:50:19 GMT -5
Ok, that is a little creepy. Why? It's creepy to be spontaneous? *Justme drives up in her car*
Justme: Phoenix, get in, let's go.
Phoenix: Where are we going?
Justme: That's a question, I prefer to do these things no questions asked.
Phoenix: Okay, will we at least be back before 10:00? I have to go to work tomorrow.
Justme: *rolls eyes* yes, we'll be back before 10:00, we're just going to jump off a cliff.
Phoenix: *surprised stare*
Justme: Don't look at me like that, it's into a lake, come on let's go.
|
|
Phoenix84
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 17, 2011 21:42:35 GMT -5
Posts: 10,056
|
Post by Phoenix84 on Apr 16, 2015 17:53:12 GMT -5
Spontaneous and "get in the car when I show up without notice and let me take you wherever I choose for as long as I want without providing any information" are not the same thing. I think the intent & her meaning are not creepy. The way she phrased it came off as creepy. Maybe because she listed such few requirements for a man, but they were oddly specific, that it came off as weird.
Better phrasing may have been "drama-free, spontaneous, and enjoys surprises"
Pretty much this. Being pretty unspecific about what she wanted in a man, but then getting very specific about jumping off a cliff and no questions being asked about the whole affair.
|
|
Phoenix84
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 17, 2011 21:42:35 GMT -5
Posts: 10,056
|
Post by Phoenix84 on Apr 16, 2015 17:57:04 GMT -5
Spontaneous and "get in the car when I show up without notice and let me take you wherever I choose for as long as I want without providing any information" are not the same thing. I think it's fine to want to go an unspecific road trip. But a minimal amount of planning would be prudent. At least let me make sure I'm not going to miss work and pack a bag.
|
|
Tennesseer
Member Emeritus
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 21:58:42 GMT -5
Posts: 64,544
|
Post by Tennesseer on Apr 16, 2015 18:08:03 GMT -5
I want a stable drama free guy that doesn't look at me like I'm crazy when I suggest we jump off a cliff into a lake or gets in the car when I show up at his place no questions asked. I get it. " Yes! Live! Life's a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death!"Auntie Mame.
|
|
fatbear
Initiate Member
Joined: Jun 1, 2012 17:46:47 GMT -5
Posts: 56
|
Post by fatbear on Apr 17, 2015 15:19:57 GMT -5
I also don't necessarily equate education with intelligence. x 1,000 A college degree in no way makes someone intelligent. And in general I could see that more education could hurt women & help men. Men don't want to feel inferior in a relationship & a woman with a higher education or higher income is a threat. I think if you are older & especially if you have a kid, dating is far harder for women. But, I suppose there are strikes against anyone, it just varies depending on your sex. For women these would make it harder: - average to poor looks- kids - High income - High education For men: - Unstable job - Low income - low education That is all I can think of, but I'm sure there are a lot more. You're forgetting the tacit requirements most women have for men such as being interesting, attractive, etc... Those requirements likely act as a more effective filter than the requirements you listed. Also, I disagree with the poor looks affecting women too much. I suspect it mostly affects them when they try to date significantly more attractive people than they are. They might not realize it because they think they are hotter than they are.
|
|
nutty
Well-Known Member
Joined: Mar 31, 2014 5:37:19 GMT -5
Posts: 1,166
|
Post by nutty on Apr 20, 2015 21:31:26 GMT -5
I have actually found someone that has not sent me dic pics, has not initiated and sexting and has a job, car and house. We started out emailing on match.com, now we are texting. We were due to meet last week but I had to cancel. We are meeting tomorrow. It has been about 3 or 4 weeks of communicating.
|
|
Phoenix84
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 17, 2011 21:42:35 GMT -5
Posts: 10,056
|
Post by Phoenix84 on Apr 20, 2015 21:37:59 GMT -5
I'm not sure if anyone is still reading this thread, but here's a couple of things I think women need to know about their dating profiles, from a guy's perspective.
1. If you don't want to get generic e-mails that are "cut and copied" don't make your profile as bland as dry toast. I see most dating profiles don't really contain any substance. Saying things like "I'm down to earth and intelligent" "I enjoy going out and staying in" and "I'm looking for an honest guy" doesn't really tell me anything. I want a hook, an angle, something I can use to strike up a conversation. Have you taken any interesting trips? Do you have any unusual hobbies? Are you not from the area? Anything that gives something to talk about.
2. I don't know what it is about women, but they LOVE posting pictures of themselves with a whole gaggle of other women. It's annoying when all the pictures are of a group of women and I have to sift through them and try to guess who's common to all of them. I'm not sure why women do this, I'm interested in you, not your friends. I think women associate "success" with having lots of friends or something.
|
|
nutty
Well-Known Member
Joined: Mar 31, 2014 5:37:19 GMT -5
Posts: 1,166
|
Post by nutty on Apr 20, 2015 21:47:45 GMT -5
The guy I got in touch with had a few photos of him in funny hats, so I emailed him and said that he looked like a fun guy and it went from there. I honestly couldnt tell you how or what or why it happened as I was getting 0 responses from anyone. I do believe though to know your number, I know this sounds silly but a 6 is not going to get interest from a 9 male, it is what it is. As online sites are mostly visual at first stay within your own attractiveness level.
|
|
andi9899
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 6, 2011 10:22:29 GMT -5
Posts: 31,332
|
Post by andi9899 on Apr 20, 2015 22:16:08 GMT -5
I have actually found someone that has not sent me dic pics, has not initiated and sexting and has a job, car and house. We started out emailing on match.com, now we are texting. We were due to meet last week but I had to cancel. We are meeting tomorrow. It has been about 3 or 4 weeks of communicating. Good luck! Let us know what happens!
|
|
MJ2.0
Senior Associate
Joined: Jul 24, 2014 10:27:09 GMT -5
Posts: 11,049
|
Post by MJ2.0 on Apr 21, 2015 9:40:31 GMT -5
yeah, I'm curious too! I realized that I need to cut the nice one I've been seeing loose. He's a great guy, but the physical chemistry just isn't there. I was afraid that would happen.
|
|
andi9899
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 6, 2011 10:22:29 GMT -5
Posts: 31,332
|
Post by andi9899 on Apr 21, 2015 9:42:35 GMT -5
yeah, I'm curious too! I realized that I need to cut the nice one I've been seeing loose. He's a great guy, but the physical chemistry just isn't there. I was afraid that would happen. That sucks. But better now than later. Is this a different one from the guy that had the altercation with the roommate?
|
|
MJ2.0
Senior Associate
Joined: Jul 24, 2014 10:27:09 GMT -5
Posts: 11,049
|
Post by MJ2.0 on Apr 21, 2015 9:56:52 GMT -5
the one that got into a fight with his roommate has moved to Austin, TX so he's gone for good. This one lives about an hour from me. We went on four dates. He's a great guy, but there are other things lacking that are pretty important to me.
|
|
justme
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 10, 2012 13:12:47 GMT -5
Posts: 14,618
|
Post by justme on Apr 21, 2015 10:00:37 GMT -5
I'm not sure if anyone is still reading this thread, but here's a couple of things I think women need to know about their dating profiles, from a guy's perspective.
1. If you don't want to get generic e-mails that are "cut and copied" don't make your profile as bland as dry toast. I see most dating profiles don't really contain any substance. Saying things like "I'm down to earth and intelligent" "I enjoy going out and staying in" and "I'm looking for an honest guy" doesn't really tell me anything. I want a hook, an angle, something I can use to strike up a conversation. Have you taken any interesting trips? Do you have any unusual hobbies? Are you not from the area? Anything that gives something to talk about.
2. I don't know what it is about women, but they LOVE posting pictures of themselves with a whole gaggle of other women. It's annoying when all the pictures are of a group of women and I have to sift through them and try to guess who's common to all of them. I'm not sure why women do this, I'm interested in you, not your friends. I think women associate "success" with having lots of friends or something. Guys do the same thing with pictures all the time. My friends and I will play the guess which one is the guy game if we're together. Invariably it is never the attractive ones in the photo. The only reasoning I can think of is they don't expect the girls to look at the other photos?
|
|
MJ2.0
Senior Associate
Joined: Jul 24, 2014 10:27:09 GMT -5
Posts: 11,049
|
Post by MJ2.0 on Apr 21, 2015 10:04:52 GMT -5
I'm not sure if anyone is still reading this thread, but here's a couple of things I think women need to know about their dating profiles, from a guy's perspective.
1. If you don't want to get generic e-mails that are "cut and copied" don't make your profile as bland as dry toast. I see most dating profiles don't really contain any substance. Saying things like "I'm down to earth and intelligent" "I enjoy going out and staying in" and "I'm looking for an honest guy" doesn't really tell me anything. I want a hook, an angle, something I can use to strike up a conversation. Have you taken any interesting trips? Do you have any unusual hobbies? Are you not from the area? Anything that gives something to talk about.
2. I don't know what it is about women, but they LOVE posting pictures of themselves with a whole gaggle of other women. It's annoying when all the pictures are of a group of women and I have to sift through them and try to guess who's common to all of them. I'm not sure why women do this, I'm interested in you, not your friends. I think women associate "success" with having lots of friends or something. Guys do the same thing with pictures all the time. My friends and I will play the guess which one is the guy game if we're out. Invariably it is never the attractive ones in the photo. The only reasoning I can think of is they don't expect the girls to look at the other photos? guys do the same thing with profiles as well. Everyone wants to look good but while employing the least amount of effort possible. I've also been seeing "why are you girls so shallow?" (uh, why are guys so shallow?!?!) and "looking for someone real plz" (as opposed to a blow-up doll, right?).
|
|
justme
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 10, 2012 13:12:47 GMT -5
Posts: 14,618
|
Post by justme on Apr 21, 2015 10:09:23 GMT -5
Guys do the same thing with pictures all the time. My friends and I will play the guess which one is the guy game if we're out. Invariably it is never the attractive ones in the photo. The only reasoning I can think of is they don't expect the girls to look at the other photos? guys do the same thing with profiles as well. Everyone wants to look good but while employing the least amount of effort possible. I've also been seeing "why are you girls so shallow?" (uh, why are guys so shallow?!?!) and "looking for someone real plz" (as opposed to a blow-up doll, right?). I love the ones where they admit to not putting anything in their profile but I should want to talk to them anyways.
|
|
MJ2.0
Senior Associate
Joined: Jul 24, 2014 10:27:09 GMT -5
Posts: 11,049
|
Post by MJ2.0 on Apr 21, 2015 10:11:42 GMT -5
YES!!! "Ugh, I hate filling these things out! Just message me." "Ask me and find out." I actually have seen some with just periods. If you want to provide no information, just use Tinder.
|
|
Angel!
Senior Associate
Politics Admin
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 11:44:08 GMT -5
Posts: 10,722
|
Post by Angel! on Apr 21, 2015 10:23:33 GMT -5
I'm not sure if anyone is still reading this thread, but here's a couple of things I think women need to know about their dating profiles, from a guy's perspective.
1. If you don't want to get generic e-mails that are "cut and copied" don't make your profile as bland as dry toast. I see most dating profiles don't really contain any substance. Saying things like "I'm down to earth and intelligent" "I enjoy going out and staying in" and "I'm looking for an honest guy" doesn't really tell me anything. I want a hook, an angle, something I can use to strike up a conversation. Have you taken any interesting trips? Do you have any unusual hobbies? Are you not from the area? Anything that gives something to talk about.
If there isn't much there, then talk about yourself. Make some sort of connection, ask questions. When I say generic copied & pasted I mean 1-2 sentences that say something like "I've noticed we have common interests, message me back so we can talk about them" That is absolutely copy & pasted, if not then you would note the common interest.
Then there are the messages like "Hi, I'm so&so, I liked your profile pic". Ummm, ok, what the hell do you want me to say back to that? If you can't come up with a better conversation starter, then I'm not going to bother to respond. It isn't that hard to find something in a profile to ask a question about. If there is literally nothing, then they probably aren't worth messaging.
But seriously ask a question about their job - I see you are a teacher, what do you teach? About an interest - I see you enjoy waterskiing, where have you gone waterskiing. It sounds like fun, I've always wanted to try it. Comment on a picture - I like the picture of you in the forest, where was that taken? I got one message that said "nice dog". Really? Write 2 more sentences & I would have responded - "He is beautiful, what breed is he? I have 2 dogs as well - a chocolate lab & a husky." It isn't much, but now you've started a conversation & given me a starting off point to respond.
I know it isn't easy sometimes, but if you can't bother to find something, they generally aren't going to bother to respond. It's like the guy that comes up to you in the bar & only says "hi". Then it becomes all awkward because you are thrown off guard & no one is propelling the conversation forward. When I was trying the online dating thing, I was 10 times more likely to respond to a guy that I only had so-so interest in, but that actually tried, than to respond to Mr. Perfect who could only bother to message "you're cute".
|
|