Deleted
Joined: Oct 12, 2024 3:21:02 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 15, 2015 21:19:24 GMT -5
Doxie started a thread before she left. I think it was about whether people look their age or not. A lot of us shared our pictures. Most deleted them soon after. Then the whole thread went poof when all the other doxie threads did. It was very nice to be able to put faces to the names and personalities here.
|
|
nutty
Well-Known Member
Joined: Mar 31, 2014 5:37:19 GMT -5
Posts: 1,166
|
Post by nutty on Apr 15, 2015 21:26:18 GMT -5
i would to get feedback but dont know how too.
|
|
Phoenix84
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 17, 2011 21:42:35 GMT -5
Posts: 10,056
|
Post by Phoenix84 on Apr 15, 2015 22:13:17 GMT -5
What does get results? Must be nice to post a profile and get emails rolling in. I do, but 90% are horndogs and uggos. I mean I don't think I'm that picky. In the looks dept. I just need you to be at least 5'11" (it's to the point now where I'm not even attracted to shorter guys), not be a smoker/drug user, and not be overweight. Those will immediate disqualify someone for me. Then I have to find you otherwise attractive, and I don't really have a type. ...and yes I have reached out first at times, and I do get mixed results. When I get dead air, I figure that I'm just not their type and keep it moving. Now I have the old Elvis Presley song stuck in my head "I aint nothin' but a hound dog" stuck in my head, except "hound dog" substituted with "horn dog."
|
|
Phoenix84
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 17, 2011 21:42:35 GMT -5
Posts: 10,056
|
Post by Phoenix84 on Apr 15, 2015 22:15:28 GMT -5
OMG.... I just found my ex on POF. I mean I guess I should be happy he's moving on but I was not prepared for that. POF?
|
|
Phoenix84
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 17, 2011 21:42:35 GMT -5
Posts: 10,056
|
Post by Phoenix84 on Apr 15, 2015 22:21:47 GMT -5
I am a white Anglo Saxon heterosexual middle aged male.
No one has it better than us. I am a white anglo saxon heterosexual middle aged male and don't really know how to go about getting a date. I am reasonably nice looking, have a job, am reasonably fit, don't have any drama. How do I find someone? That's the question of the day, the great mystery of the universe right there.
Why do losers appear to be beating off women with a stick, but "nice guys" that should be good on paper can't get a date?
I have my theories. Similar to how the women of these message boards say men say they want to be asked out but really don't, women often don't say what they mean either. Many say they want a nice stable guy with a good job, but in reality feel like someone like that is "boring." Stable and drama free is boring, and they want excitement. Plus it gives them a chance to "fix" a guy. Obviously not all women fall into this generalization, but I think many do. Coupled with the fact that I think many women out there having lingering daddy issues and low self esteem is why you see so many end up with losers.
I think there's also a cadre of women out there that have unrealistic expectations, a long laundry list of "must haves" that disqualify virtually every guy on the market.
Between these two groups, I can see how it would be hard for a "good guy" to find the right woman.
But that's just a theory. If I had an answer for you, I wouldn't be single.
|
|
Phoenix84
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 17, 2011 21:42:35 GMT -5
Posts: 10,056
|
Post by Phoenix84 on Apr 15, 2015 22:22:51 GMT -5
|
|
Angel!
Senior Associate
Politics Admin
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 11:44:08 GMT -5
Posts: 10,722
|
Post by Angel! on Apr 15, 2015 22:47:03 GMT -5
I am a white anglo saxon heterosexual middle aged male and don't really know how to go about getting a date. I am reasonably nice looking, have a job, am reasonably fit, don't have any drama. How do I find someone? That's the question of the day, the great mystery of the universe right there.
Why do losers appear to be beating off women with a stick, but "nice guys" that should be good on paper can't get a date?
If I had an answer for you, I wouldn't be single.
plenty of fish - pof.com
It's a dating website. When I looked at it, it seemed like it was more for hookups rather than finding real relationships. But, I never joined or spent a lot of time on it, so I could be mistaken. I only looked when I first started even thinking about dating & at that time I wasn't impressed with any of the profiles I saw. It made me rethink the whole trying to date thing for quite a while.
|
|
Phoenix84
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 17, 2011 21:42:35 GMT -5
Posts: 10,056
|
Post by Phoenix84 on Apr 15, 2015 22:49:30 GMT -5
That's the question of the day, the great mystery of the universe right there.
Why do losers appear to be beating off women with a stick, but "nice guys" that should be good on paper can't get a date?
If I had an answer for you, I wouldn't be single.
plenty of fish - pof.com
It's a dating website. When I looked at it, it seemed like it was more for hookups rather than finding real relationships. But, I never joined or spent a lot of time on it, so I could be mistaken. I only looked when I first started even thinking about dating & at that time I wasn't impressed with any of the profiles I saw. It made me rethink the whole trying to date thing for quite a while.
I've always stuck to paid dating websites. I know many balk at paying, but I figure if someone is willing to shell out $50 or whatever, then they're serious about dating.
|
|
quince
Senior Member
Joined: Sept 23, 2011 17:51:12 GMT -5
Posts: 2,699
|
Post by quince on Apr 16, 2015 1:26:47 GMT -5
I just asked my husband who has it easier when dating. He has no idea. I think the problem is that very few people have experience from both sides, and those people have other factors that make things challenging and would skew the results anyway.
Neither of us have dated much. I have a vague idea that most people go out on first dates with more than two or three people in their lifetime, and have to ask/be asked out by even more than those, but neither of us has direct experience with that kind of thing.
Thank goodness. Sounds difficult.
|
|
Peace Of Mind
Senior Associate
[font color="#8f2520"]~ Drinks Well With Others ~[/font]
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 16:53:02 GMT -5
Posts: 15,554
Location: Paradise
|
Post by Peace Of Mind on Apr 16, 2015 1:44:09 GMT -5
Was he a perfect match for you? I think good looking people of all ages, situations have it the easiest. That and if men have good jobs/money and if women act classy and are smart they are the winners, regardless. If dating requires computer skills and being on those sites I'd be screwed and not in a good way! I better keep DH or just do it the old fashioned way. Cheat first and then see if he's a keeper. I'm kidding. Kind of. Young, pretty, shapely women are attractive period. Middle-aged pretty, shapely women look good for their age. I think men have the advantage there, they don't usually get the "for their age" tacked on like women do. They're just attractive. I've never been on a dating site. I'm pretty sure you need a picture and I don't like taking pictures. LOL! I said that very thing about men looking good for being older men on the other thread. All of the people I know when discussing older men or older women say the same thing so maybe it depends on the people. In our group of friends many of us are 4-10 years older than our husbands so maybe we aren't the average but age is not an issue around here. Being a good person and attracted to that person is. I'm also the type of woman who prefers the man to initiate so they would have it harder. I've not been single in a bagillion years so I could be wrong but I still prefer the man to be the man and the woman being the woman who gets to say yes or no if/when they initiate. Right now I say no and add "I'm married. Dammit!" if they are cute. ETA: I deleted the "cheating" part in my original post because I was kidding and didn't want to upset those that may have dealt with that in RL.
|
|
Tennesseer
Member Emeritus
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 21:58:42 GMT -5
Posts: 64,544
|
Post by Tennesseer on Apr 16, 2015 6:56:28 GMT -5
deminmaine sad: "Even the term seems kind of silly- right there with "Boy"friend and "girl"friend. It is a construct that is in many ways modelled for the young" Why is it that if a man uses the terms 'boyfriend' or 'girlfriend', or a woman uses the term 'boyfriend', it is pretty much assumed they use those words in a romantic sense. But if a woman uses the term 'girlfriend', it is most often assumed the usage of the word means someone who is a non-romantic friend of the woman.
|
|
nutty
Well-Known Member
Joined: Mar 31, 2014 5:37:19 GMT -5
Posts: 1,166
|
Post by nutty on Apr 16, 2015 7:48:10 GMT -5
Men are damaged by divorce, a few can still be bitter 10 years on. Also men see "crazy woman" when I believe it's normal fears and normal baggage. They expect a clean psyche and its not going to happen with a lot of women over 30.
|
|
justme
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 10, 2012 13:12:47 GMT -5
Posts: 14,618
|
Post by justme on Apr 16, 2015 7:53:21 GMT -5
Probably because guys never use boy friend in a platonic sense and make a point not to. At least the ones I've been around. And I know for some of them it was to completely avoid anything that might make them sound gay. Also that they most often use the term guys.
I honestly don't use girl friend much myself. Probably a mix between the girls being easier to say and me not hanging out with a bunch of girls often. If I'm hanging out with just one I use her name.
|
|
MJ2.0
Senior Associate
Joined: Jul 24, 2014 10:27:09 GMT -5
Posts: 11,049
|
Post by MJ2.0 on Apr 16, 2015 8:08:59 GMT -5
Men are damaged by divorce, a few can still be bitter 10 years on. Also men see "crazy woman" when I believe it's normal fears and normal baggage. They expect a clean psyche and its not going to happen with a lot of women over 30. I don't care how old you are, EVERYONE has baggage because virtually everyone in your life affects how you view and treat your relationships.
|
|
nutty
Well-Known Member
Joined: Mar 31, 2014 5:37:19 GMT -5
Posts: 1,166
|
Post by nutty on Apr 16, 2015 8:17:18 GMT -5
True MJ.
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,912
|
Post by zibazinski on Apr 16, 2015 9:17:26 GMT -5
Well, I wouldn't be interested in someone who held a job whenever and had just about nothing saved and they're in their fifties. I've worked hard my whole life and worked jobs I'd rather not have and have zero desire to deal with someone who thinks working is for chumps. But then again, if I outlive DF and single again, I will date but no one is moving in or staying the night even, let alone thinking I'm going to subsidize their lifestyle. Nurse with a purse comes to mind.
|
|
emma1420
Senior Member
Joined: Jan 28, 2011 15:35:45 GMT -5
Posts: 2,430
|
Post by emma1420 on Apr 16, 2015 9:48:21 GMT -5
I am a white anglo saxon heterosexual middle aged male and don't really know how to go about getting a date. I am reasonably nice looking, have a job, am reasonably fit, don't have any drama. How do I find someone? That's the question of the day, the great mystery of the universe right there.
Why do losers appear to be beating off women with a stick, but "nice guys" that should be good on paper can't get a date?
I have my theories. Similar to how the women of these message boards say men say they want to be asked out but really don't, women often don't say what they mean either. Many say they want a nice stable guy with a good job, but in reality feel like someone like that is "boring." Stable and drama free is boring, and they want excitement. Plus it gives them a chance to "fix" a guy. Obviously not all women fall into this generalization, but I think many do. Coupled with the fact that I think many women out there having lingering daddy issues and low self esteem is why you see so many end up with losers.
I think there's also a cadre of women out there that have unrealistic expectations, a long laundry list of "must haves" that disqualify virtually every guy on the market.
Between these two groups, I can see how it would be hard for a "good guy" to find the right woman.
But that's just a theory. If I had an answer for you, I wouldn't be single.
I think a lot of women prefer nice guys, or at least I do. However, once you get to a certain age I think the nice guys who aren't taken tend to be more reserved (which is probably why they haven't been snatched up). And I know I find it very difficult to interpret between a nice guy being nice and a nice guy who is attracted to me, especially if they aren't very direct about asking me out. this isn't a big deal for online dating, but when you meet people you work with and/or are friends of friends, mixing up the signals can cause a lot of grief later on.
|
|
Angel!
Senior Associate
Politics Admin
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 11:44:08 GMT -5
Posts: 10,722
|
Post by Angel! on Apr 16, 2015 9:51:08 GMT -5
plenty of fish - pof.com
It's a dating website. When I looked at it, it seemed like it was more for hookups rather than finding real relationships. But, I never joined or spent a lot of time on it, so I could be mistaken. I only looked when I first started even thinking about dating & at that time I wasn't impressed with any of the profiles I saw. It made me rethink the whole trying to date thing for quite a while.
I've always stuck to paid dating websites. I know many balk at paying, but I figure if someone is willing to shell out $50 or whatever, then they're serious about dating. I think you are totally right on this. I also figure it means that they can afford to shell out the money & therefore aren't likely dead broke. Although I suppose they could be putting it on a CC & up to their eyeballs in debt. But at least they have a CC
|
|
Angel!
Senior Associate
Politics Admin
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 11:44:08 GMT -5
Posts: 10,722
|
Post by Angel! on Apr 16, 2015 9:56:04 GMT -5
Men are damaged by divorce, a few can still be bitter 10 years on. Also men see "crazy woman" when I believe it's normal fears and normal baggage. They expect a clean psyche and its not going to happen with a lot of women over 30. Interesting phrasing. Men are 'damaged', but women have 'normal baggage'. Do you not see a bit of hypocrisy that it bothers you that men find women damaged/crazy, when you find men damaged?
Everyone has baggage once you reach a certain age & it does damage some of us.
|
|
justme
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 10, 2012 13:12:47 GMT -5
Posts: 14,618
|
Post by justme on Apr 16, 2015 9:58:11 GMT -5
I've always stuck to paid dating websites. I know many balk at paying, but I figure if someone is willing to shell out $50 or whatever, then they're serious about dating. I think you are totally right on this. I also figure it means that they can afford to shell out the money & therefore aren't likely dead broke. Although I suppose they could be putting it on a CC & up to their eyeballs in debt. But at least they have a CC So I guess my friend and I aren't paid dating site material since neither of us got messages after shelling out all that money! Lmao
|
|
MJ2.0
Senior Associate
Joined: Jul 24, 2014 10:27:09 GMT -5
Posts: 11,049
|
Post by MJ2.0 on Apr 16, 2015 10:02:49 GMT -5
I tried a paid site for a month - I got the same types of mouth-breathers and creeps that I get on the free sites.
|
|
Phoenix84
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 17, 2011 21:42:35 GMT -5
Posts: 10,056
|
Post by Phoenix84 on Apr 16, 2015 10:09:31 GMT -5
Dang MJ, you are pretty harsh on the guys trying to get to know you. Have you even met most of these men?
I get it if you don't think they're right for you, but the name calling is a bit harsh. I occasionally get contacted by people I'm not interested in, but I don't feel the need to berate them and call them names.
Why the hostility? Why make it so personal?
|
|
MJ2.0
Senior Associate
Joined: Jul 24, 2014 10:27:09 GMT -5
Posts: 11,049
|
Post by MJ2.0 on Apr 16, 2015 10:23:19 GMT -5
I'm not angry. I was mainly just joking around, but I guess I'm getting tired of getting hit on by creeps.... at least online. I encountered a couple of crazies too, so that doesn't help. (One kept reaching out to me, once in a not-so-nice way so I just waited until he did something I could report him for and I reported him. The other kept messaging me so I blocked him. Then he created a new account and sent me a really mean message.) And no I haven't met them all, but I have given some of them I felt "meh" about a chance. Turns out I was right all along about the "meh" guys. Something about a person has to attract me physically - if not, it won't work. The "getting to know someone" process doesn't work the same with online dating as it does when you meet people in more traditional ways. I don't have to smile, nod, and make polite conversation with anyone I don't feel like talking to. That's nice, but I realize it also hurts me as I might come off better in person than I do online and I may not get that chance. LOL, I guess I don't get that many mouth-breathers, but I have weird standards. Sort of.
|
|
Angel!
Senior Associate
Politics Admin
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 11:44:08 GMT -5
Posts: 10,722
|
Post by Angel! on Apr 16, 2015 10:43:04 GMT -5
I think you are totally right on this. I also figure it means that they can afford to shell out the money & therefore aren't likely dead broke. Although I suppose they could be putting it on a CC & up to their eyeballs in debt. But at least they have a CC So I guess my friend and I aren't paid dating site material since neither of us got messages after shelling out all that money! Lmao That is so odd. I've only done match, but I received tons of messages. 80% weren't worth a reply such as, "I like your dog", & some were definitely a copy/paste message that they must throw at everyone: "I see from your profile that we have some interests in common. Message me back so we can get to know each other". And it isn't like I'm a great catch unless you literally only looked at my pics, maybe that was all some guys did. They didn't read far enough to see I was an engineer with 3 young kids & an atheist, so they didn't realize they should run far, far away.
I'll admit though, even the nice guys that messaged me, I wasn't interested in. So I messaged someone I was interested in. I figured why wait for the right guy to find me, especially given all the reasons in my profile to not message me.
Maybe some other sites are complete scams?? That would certainly explain why you wouldn't get any messages.
|
|
justme
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 10, 2012 13:12:47 GMT -5
Posts: 14,618
|
Post by justme on Apr 16, 2015 10:50:21 GMT -5
So I guess my friend and I aren't paid dating site material since neither of us got messages after shelling out all that money! Lmao That is so odd. I've only done match, but I received tons of messages. 80% weren't worth a reply such as, "I like your dog", & some were definitely a copy/paste message that they must throw at everyone: "I see from your profile that we have some interests in common. Message me back so we can get to know each other". And it isn't like I'm a great catch unless you literally only looked at my pics, maybe that was all some guys did. They didn't read far enough to see I was an engineer with 3 young kids & an atheist, so they didn't realize they should run far, far away.
I'll admit though, even the nice guys that messaged me, I wasn't interested in. So I messaged someone I was interested in. I figured why wait for the right guy to find me, especially given all the reasons in my profile to not message me.
Maybe some other sites are complete scams?? That would certainly explain why you wouldn't get any messages.
It was match. And I guess I should amend it, we didn't get any that weren't over 40 or under like 22. I might have gotten one or two from someone in my age range but really overweight.
|
|
|
Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Apr 16, 2015 10:55:17 GMT -5
I have my theories. Similar to how the women of these message boards say men say they want to be asked out but really don't, women often don't say what they mean either. Many say they want a nice stable guy with a good job, but in reality feel like someone like that is "boring." Stable and drama free is boring, and they want excitement. Plus it gives them a chance to "fix" a guy. Obviously not all women fall into this generalization, but I think many do. Coupled with the fact that I think many women out there having lingering daddy issues and low self esteem is why you see so many end up with losers.
Let me give you a great example of this. There was a guy in TX that I dated periodically. He was a nice, stable guy and I really REALLY tried to like him. It was one of these things where I just couldn't figure out why things didn't click for us.
One day, I was out by the pool and he came out and joined me. I had just gotten back from Paris, where I had gone by myself. I had the opportunity and jumped on it, and even though I was scared shitless to go by myself, I figured that I would never get so good an opportunity again - so went. So I was telling him about my trip, and his response was "I never, EVER could have done anything like this by myself, I need to go with someone". I asked him why, and if he had the same opportunity I had (free airfare) would he have jumped on it. He said "absolutely not, the first time I want to see Paris, it is with someone I love". All of a sudden it dawned on me why nothing ever clicked between us. He lived his life for the future, for this fictional love that he was going to meet, so went no where and did nothing (which really kind of decreased the size his world and opportunity to meet someone).
So I asked him what his ideal vacation would be, and his response was to go to some observatory, camp and check out the stars. So I asked him why he never did this, and again.....no one to go with him. The he proceeded to bitch about going on vacation with his sister and BIL....he did not want to go with them, but because he didn't want to go elsewhere by himself, he went and was unhappy.
It was at this point where I had an epiphany where I was NOT going to live my life like this, as I thought his attitude was incredibly sad. Nice guy, but I just couldn't get past the point where he was not confident enough to be able to go where he wanted and do what he wanted, and money was NOT a problem.
|
|
Angel!
Senior Associate
Politics Admin
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 11:44:08 GMT -5
Posts: 10,722
|
Post by Angel! on Apr 16, 2015 11:10:39 GMT -5
That is so odd. I've only done match, but I received tons of messages. 80% weren't worth a reply such as, "I like your dog", & some were definitely a copy/paste message that they must throw at everyone: "I see from your profile that we have some interests in common. Message me back so we can get to know each other". And it isn't like I'm a great catch unless you literally only looked at my pics, maybe that was all some guys did. They didn't read far enough to see I was an engineer with 3 young kids & an atheist, so they didn't realize they should run far, far away.
I'll admit though, even the nice guys that messaged me, I wasn't interested in. So I messaged someone I was interested in. I figured why wait for the right guy to find me, especially given all the reasons in my profile to not message me.
Maybe some other sites are complete scams?? That would certainly explain why you wouldn't get any messages.
It was match. And I guess I should amend it, we didn't get any that weren't over 40 or under like 22. I might have gotten one or two from someone in my age range but really overweight. Wow. And your like the unicorn (I think) - aren't you low 30's without kids? My brother only wants to date women without kids & he complains that it is getting harder & harder to find them. Maybe guys see your profile & think you are too good to be true or unobtainable. Whereas a woman with 3 kids like me...yeah, she probably isn't too picky & is probably desperate, let's try for her.
Or maybe it's where you live. I live in a major city that is near another major city. Although I had a guy from several states away messaging me He seemed nice, so we talked for a bit, but just given the location I was never planning on anything beyond that.
|
|
justme
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 10, 2012 13:12:47 GMT -5
Posts: 14,618
|
Post by justme on Apr 16, 2015 11:16:29 GMT -5
It was match. And I guess I should amend it, we didn't get any that weren't over 40 or under like 22. I might have gotten one or two from someone in my age range but really overweight. Wow. And your like the unicorn (I think) - aren't you low 30's without kids? My brother only wants to date women without kids & he complains that it is getting harder & harder to find them. Maybe guys see your profile & think you are too good to be true or unobtainable. Whereas a woman with 3 kids like me...yeah, she probably isn't too picky & is probably desperate, let's try for her.
Or maybe it's where you live. I live in a major city that is near another major city. Although I had a guy from several states away messaging me He seemed nice, so we talked for a bit, but just given the location I was never planning on anything beyond that.
29, no kids, masters degree, good job. Though I am 5'10 so there's plenty of guys that say no to that. My city proper is a quarter million with 2million in the metropolitan area. I have no idea what my issue is.
|
|
Angel!
Senior Associate
Politics Admin
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 11:44:08 GMT -5
Posts: 10,722
|
Post by Angel! on Apr 16, 2015 11:31:05 GMT -5
Wow. And your like the unicorn (I think) - aren't you low 30's without kids? My brother only wants to date women without kids & he complains that it is getting harder & harder to find them. Maybe guys see your profile & think you are too good to be true or unobtainable. Whereas a woman with 3 kids like me...yeah, she probably isn't too picky & is probably desperate, let's try for her.
Or maybe it's where you live. I live in a major city that is near another major city. Although I had a guy from several states away messaging me He seemed nice, so we talked for a bit, but just given the location I was never planning on anything beyond that.
29, no kids, masters degree, good job. Though I am 5'10 so there's plenty of guys that say no to that. My city proper is a quarter million with 2million in the metropolitan area. I have no idea what my issue is. The 5'10" is probably what's getting you. You figure most guys what to be a few inches taller & you are around the average height of guys. So probably like 70+% of guys are searching for someone shorter than you & never even see your profile.
Then as was said earlier, the masters degree is probably not helping much either.
|
|
MJ2.0
Senior Associate
Joined: Jul 24, 2014 10:27:09 GMT -5
Posts: 11,049
|
Post by MJ2.0 on Apr 16, 2015 11:45:57 GMT -5
They just aren't ready for all your awesome. That's what I tell myself when things go south in the dating scene. That satisfies me for a while - which, funny enough, only two men have been able to do so far.
|
|