MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Apr 15, 2015 10:54:24 GMT -5
Yea, but that was just one site. It's really low over all. (I honestly can't remember the last time a guy responded to me messaging first, though I do rarely do it anymore since it doesn't get results) And I have girl friends that rarely get any responses when they message first too. Even though if you ask a guy they'd "love" to have the girl message first and would respond they just don't. I get that guys have low response rates too, but there's definitely negative societal norms associated with women who make the first move (slut, desperate, crazy) that guys don't contend with. What does get results? Must be nice to post a profile and get emails rolling in. I do, but 90% are horndogs and uggos. I mean I don't think I'm that picky. In the looks dept. I just need you to be at least 5'11" (it's to the point now where I'm not even attracted to shorter guys), not be a smoker/drug user, and not be overweight. Those will immediate disqualify someone for me. Then I have to find you otherwise attractive, and I don't really have a type. ...and yes I have reached out first at times, and I do get mixed results. When I get dead air, I figure that I'm just not their type and keep it moving.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Apr 15, 2015 10:56:42 GMT -5
Lol the end of angels post pretty much sums it up. The better guys do in life the bigger their pool gets, but the better women do in life the smaller their pool gets. Yeah but then you encounter a lot of "good on paper" guys. I had the displeasure of talking to one of those for a couple of months (same guy that got into a physical altercation with his roommate while I was there). He's smart, ambitious, and has a great job in finance but emotionally he's about 15.
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tskeeter
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Post by tskeeter on Apr 15, 2015 11:31:26 GMT -5
But, to play devil's advocate, I can see how the opposite might be true as well.
Men have higher rates of crime/incarceration, so if you want to meet someone without a criminal record, it'll be harder if you're a woman.
Men earn fewer college degrees, so if you're looking for someone who's educated, you'll have a harder time if you're a woman.
There are literally fewer men in the general population than women. There is probably about 5% or so more women in the country than men, so by definition, a certain percent of women will be single. This ratio only gets worse as one ages, as men tend to die earlier than women. The ratio of men to women in the general population is likely to change significantly over the next few generations. With the dramatic increase in two income families over the last 40 yers or so, and the reduction in gender barriers to certain types of jobs, women now have a lifestyle that is more similar to men's lifestyle. I think that will cause some shifting in life expectancies.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Apr 15, 2015 11:41:57 GMT -5
Threads like this are a good reminder that I didn't miss out on anything by skipping the dating scene and ending up with DH (boyfriend #2).
It wasn't for lack of wanting a boyfriend or trying. Like Honey once guys got to know me they were gone.
I got told by several "well meaning" people that I was too assertive I needed to tone myself down b/c men don't like women who assert themselves. I also had it suggested to me on several occasions I needed to downplay my intelligence b/c men don't like it when women are smarter than them.
Screw that. If a guy can't handle me as I am then he isn't worth my time. I stayed single for a long time.
Despite all the warnings I managed to meet and marry someone despite my so called "man hating" traits. He wouldn't have me any other way.
I'd say men have it easier b/c in general if you are employed and can buy drinks you will end up with a "date" in some form. Women have it harder b/c the list men (again in general) have in their heads tends to fit a very narrow range unless you are willing to fake your personality.
I'd say anyone who is looking for a lifetime partner is going to have a harder time than people who are looking for something more casual. What I am willing to put up with for a fling isn't always something I'd put up with in a long term partner.
Women say that a guy who's gainfully employed and can buy drinks will get a date, but that hasn't been the case in my experience. But maybe it's beacuse I'm looking for long term, not a fling.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Apr 15, 2015 11:54:10 GMT -5
I think looking long term is harder for anyone.
If I just wanted to score there were plenty of guys waiting in the wings, especially when I was in my early 20's.
I wasn't looking for that so I ended up with a lot of guys crossed off my list from the get go. Then add on all my apparent "negative" attributes as a woman and it made things even harder.
If DH hadn't come along I'd probably still be single right now.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Apr 15, 2015 12:06:48 GMT -5
I think looking long term is harder for anyone. If I just wanted to score there were plenty of guys waiting in the wings, especially when I was in my early 20's. I wasn't looking for that so I ended up with a lot of guys crossed off my list from the get go. Then add on all my apparent "negative" attributes as a woman and it made things even harder. If DH hadn't come along I'd probably still be single right now. From your posts about your husband, it sounds like he is the type who prefers a "take charge" partner. You said his mother was pretty overbearing. He might be used to that.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Apr 15, 2015 12:09:38 GMT -5
You said his mother was pretty overbearing. He might be used to that
Thanks?
That kinda proves my point when I said that women are expected to behave a certain way. You automatically attributed me saying I am assertive to being an overbearing bitch.
ETA: I don't think you intended to say that, but read your post again carefully.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Apr 15, 2015 12:15:28 GMT -5
Open mouth, insert foot. ... or whatever the message board equivalent is.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Apr 15, 2015 12:16:37 GMT -5
I think this emoticon works nicely
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Apr 15, 2015 12:19:47 GMT -5
I think looking long term is harder for anyone. If I just wanted to score there were plenty of guys waiting in the wings, especially when I was in my early 20's. I wasn't looking for that so I ended up with a lot of guys crossed off my list from the get go. Then add on all my apparent "negative" attributes as a woman and it made things even harder. If DH hadn't come along I'd probably still be single right now. From your posts about your husband, it sounds like he is the type who prefers a "take charge" partner. You said his mother was pretty overbearing strong and assertive. He might be used to that. cleaned that mess up for you.
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billisonboard
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Post by billisonboard on Apr 15, 2015 12:26:08 GMT -5
I think looking long term is harder for anyone. If I just wanted to score there were plenty of guys waiting in the wings, especially when I was in my early 20's. I wasn't looking for that so I ended up with a lot of guys crossed off my list from the get go. Then add on all my apparent "negative" attributes as a woman and it made things even harder. If DH hadn't come along I'd probably still be single right now. From your posts about your husband, it sounds like he is the type who prefers a "take charge" partner. You said his mother was pretty overbearing. He might be used to that. You said his mother was pretty overbearing. He might be used to that
Thanks?
That kinda proves my point when I said that women are expected to behave a certain way. You automatically attributed me saying I am assertive to being an overbearing bitch.
ETA: I don't think you intended to say that, but read your post again carefully.
(drags phenoix84 to the man cave) only women are allowed to come to the conclusion and state that another woman is " an overbearing bitch"
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Apr 15, 2015 12:26:16 GMT -5
I get told I am too aloof and not receptive.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Apr 15, 2015 12:28:57 GMT -5
Stop giving away insider secrets bill!
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billisonboard
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Post by billisonboard on Apr 15, 2015 12:29:36 GMT -5
I get told I am too aloof and not receptive. Any basis for that assessment or are those who state it simply wrong?
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Apr 15, 2015 12:37:54 GMT -5
I do believe I am aloof/stand offish or how ever you would like to put it. My girlfriends have told me and I agree. It really hit home when a guy that liked me stop liking me because he told our mutual friend I was aloof. Maybe I am not aware of things as it has been 24 yrs, the same guy had liked me for months and I didn't notice. I am also not looking for long term, just fun and a few guys have changed their tune after and then I am told I am not receptive I however agree with that also.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Apr 15, 2015 13:08:11 GMT -5
Sorry if I offended you dramas, didn't mean it how it sounded.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Apr 15, 2015 13:11:13 GMT -5
Sorry if I offended you dramas, didn't mean it how it soundedDon't worry about it, you didn't offend me. That was one hell of a foot in mouth moment though.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Apr 15, 2015 14:20:46 GMT -5
Lol the end of angels post pretty much sums it up. The better guys do in life the bigger their pool gets, but the better women do in life the smaller their pool gets. Yeah but then you encounter a lot of "good on paper" guys. I had the displeasure of talking to one of those for a couple of months (same guy that got into a physical altercation with his roommate while I was there). He's smart, ambitious, and has a great job in finance but emotionally he's about 15. Ugh. I dated one of those too, only he is in IT. Otherwise I would think we were dating the same guy.
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mrnewengland
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Post by mrnewengland on Apr 15, 2015 14:39:21 GMT -5
I think Louis CK said it best:
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 15, 2015 18:48:18 GMT -5
I think which gender has it easier depends on age.
Young, attractive women with no children have it the easiest. If she's also intelligent, not only will men her age be interested in her, but men older than her will be interested also.
Late 20's and up, attractive men that have their shit together have it easier than women. I think that's when the numbers start to turn in favor of men. Women younger than him will be interested in him, women his age and probably older will be too.
In both cases, I think they have it easier because they are appealing to a broader range of age groups. Their initial appeal doesn't mean they're keepers, just that they have an easier time getting dates. Just my opinion.
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beergut
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Post by beergut on Apr 15, 2015 18:59:32 GMT -5
I think guys have it easier. They don't have to walk the societal tight rope that women do. I've known guy friends that complain about always having to ask a girl out and then turn around saying a girl is too needy because she asked him out on the second date. Guys complain about always messaging first in online dating but a vast majority of the time I did message first I never got a reply. (Yes I realize guys have a low return rate to but on a paid site I messaged at least 15 guys and the only one to respond responded with sorry have a gf now) And that's before even getting to the point in funding guys that aren't all beer, video games and getting laid. The societal tight rope conversation is an interesting one. While we can all say it is 2015, and a woman can ask whomever she wants out now, there are still social pressures to 'be a lady'. Slightly amusing story: I was out to dinner with the 16 yr old and 15 yr old. They both decide the boy working at the front counter is cute, and 15 yr old wants to ask him out. She walks up to him, pulls out her cell phone, and says, "Excuse me, I'm doing an online survey. Can you fill this out?" She had her cell contact info open. I thought it was a clever line, even though it didn't work (think he had a girlfriend already). When I told me mother this story, she remarked about how, "In her day, we didn't throw ourselves at boys". Well, asking for a number isn't throwing yourself at someone, it is just indicating interest. However, it does illustrate the social pressures women, even young women, still face. And any guy who says a girl is 'too needy' because she asked him out on the second date is an idiot.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Apr 15, 2015 19:00:41 GMT -5
OMG.... I just found my ex on POF. I mean I guess I should be happy he's moving on but I was not prepared for that.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Apr 15, 2015 19:01:28 GMT -5
If I had it to do over again I'd stay single period. It's no longer a sin to have children out of wedlock. Most women end up divorced and supporting them on their own anyway. At least I'd keep whatever I had, not have to split it with some guy. My kids would never be shuttled back and forth. Plus, I'd pick well from a sperm bank. Tall, smart, and blonde.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Apr 15, 2015 19:06:04 GMT -5
I think guys have it easier. They don't have to walk the societal tight rope that women do. I've known guy friends that complain about always having to ask a girl out and then turn around saying a girl is too needy because she asked him out on the second date. Guys complain about always messaging first in online dating but a vast majority of the time I did message first I never got a reply. (Yes I realize guys have a low return rate to but on a paid site I messaged at least 15 guys and the only one to respond responded with sorry have a gf now) And that's before even getting to the point in funding guys that aren't all beer, video games and getting laid. The societal tight rope conversation is an interesting one. While we can all say it is 2015, and a woman can ask whomever she wants out now, there are still social pressures to 'be a lady'. Slightly amusing story: I was out to dinner with the 16 yr old and 15 yr old. They both decide the boy working at the front counter is cute, and 15 yr old wants to ask him out. She walks up to him, pulls out her cell phone, and says, "Excuse me, I'm doing an online survey. Can you fill this out?" She had her cell contact info open. I thought it was a clever line, even though it didn't work (think he had a girlfriend already). When I told me mother this story, she remarked about how, "In her day, we didn't throw ourselves at boys". Well, asking for a number isn't throwing yourself at someone, it is just indicating interest. However, it does illustrate the social pressures women, even young women, still face. And any guy who says a girl is 'too needy' because she asked him out on the second date is an idiot. I have always been slightly aggressive with regard to dating - as in, I've never been afraid to make the first move. When I was younger it didn't really work out well - I guess the guys I liked weren't interested. My mom and other women around her age are all about letting him chase you.... well shouldn't you reciprocate some as well? When I was younger and dumber, there were lots of times where I did all the chasing. Looking back on it, I should have realized that I was putting in way more than I was getting and should have ended it.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Apr 15, 2015 19:19:49 GMT -5
I always think of the push me pull you idea. If you go after a guy, it doesn't work. If you act like "whatever" you can't beat guys off with a stick.
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Apr 15, 2015 19:48:26 GMT -5
OMG.... I just found my ex on POF. I mean I guess I should be happy he's moving on but I was not prepared for that. I never even thought of that. if you date a lot online, then eventually you will start virtually running into exs. Well that sounds awful.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 15, 2015 20:20:29 GMT -5
OMG.... I just found my ex on POF. I mean I guess I should be happy he's moving on but I was not prepared for that. Was he a perfect match for you? I think good looking people of all ages, situations have it the easiest. That and if men have good jobs/money and if women act classy and are smart they are the winners, regardless. If dating requires computer skills and being on those sites I'd be screwed and not in a good way! I better keep DH or just do it the old fashioned way. Cheat first and then see if he's a keeper. I'm kidding. Kind of. Young, pretty, shapely women are attractive period. Middle-aged pretty, shapely women look good for their age. I think men have the advantage there, they don't usually get the "for their age" tacked on like women do. They're just attractive. I've never been on a dating site. I'm pretty sure you need a picture and I don't like taking pictures.
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Apr 15, 2015 20:38:02 GMT -5
Never did find out for sure if ex had someone in the wings but i would be interested to see what kind of women are interested in him and what he is interested in.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 15, 2015 21:07:07 GMT -5
I am a white Anglo Saxon heterosexual middle aged male.
No one has it better than us. I am a white anglo saxon heterosexual middle aged male and don't really know how to go about getting a date. I am reasonably nice looking, have a job, am reasonably fit, don't have any drama. How do I find someone?
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Apr 15, 2015 21:11:38 GMT -5
I think we should all put our pics up to see if we are well preserved or hot.
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