Ava
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Post by Ava on Feb 8, 2015 14:41:14 GMT -5
There is a huge stigma associated with depression. But it is actually a pretty common illness. It's something people don't want to admit or talk about. I have dealt with it for decades. Mine is mild, so I had the added issue that doctors don't take it seriously. But it can affect my quality of life if I'm not careful. I also suffer from SAD. What works better for me is surrounding myself with people I love and having goals to look forward to. Which is challenging because my best friend started a relationship and I almost don't see him anymore. My family lives very far, and I have very few friends here. I spend as much time with my family as I can, I go there for the holidays every year, and I always set up goals for myself. Right now I am finishing my MBA, looking for a new job, and getting ready for my mother's visit in a few months. Those things keep me going.
In your case, no, I wouldn't mention suffering from depression at work. You should talk to your doctor, get FMLA, and tell your manager you are taking time off through FMLA. I don't think letting your manager know too much about your personal life is a good idea.
Good luck.
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plugginaway22
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Post by plugginaway22 on Feb 8, 2015 14:42:49 GMT -5
I also recommend having your Dr. write the note for needed time off due to medical reason. If not your employer may confuse you requesting time off to deal with your spouse, when this is something different. Where I work, this also allows the employee to utilize our 'short-term' disability pay that is available. Best of luck to you.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Feb 8, 2015 14:55:05 GMT -5
I think people PRETEND to be understanding at work, but they really are not. Yes, maybe you are lucky and have a supportive work environment. I have worked with some great bosses but for the most part, I believe you are far better to off to keep these kinds of things to yourself. All that matters is Can You Show up Today and do your work? If you can, that is all they really care about. If you can't, then if you need to take a medical leave, then take a medical leave and/or get the help you need to continue to function. And, if you take a medical leave, it really isn't their business why per se if your doctor is willing to write that for you.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Feb 8, 2015 18:54:22 GMT -5
I would not do this without a written doctor's note, depending on your company's policy on how many days you can be off sick without one.
I, too, have found most managers will say they understand but all they really care about is that the work gets done.
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Artemis Windsong
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Post by Artemis Windsong on Feb 8, 2015 18:57:03 GMT -5
I timed the video at 30 to 40 minutes. It is well worth the time for some positive meditation. There is no direct sales pitch in it.
It is about a 6 phase meditation practice.
mindvalleyacademy.mvedit.com/featured/15-minute-mindhack
I hope this helps.
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Feb 8, 2015 19:55:56 GMT -5
If you feel that you really must share, tie it to your DHs health problems. That way, it's external. If you keep it on yourself, they may think that it will never improve and your career path could follow that, if you KWIM. It's not right, just a way to manage impressions, which can be BS that you have to, but it is what it is.
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weltschmerz
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Post by weltschmerz on Feb 9, 2015 2:04:19 GMT -5
I'm thinking of telling my manager tomorrow that major depression is dogging me due to number of stressors, and that I will / do need some time off - a week or so. I'm afraid he'll judge me harshly for this, but more afraid if I don't that he'll decide I'm an unmotivated mess. My benefits include full pay for sick time, with no days limit for salaried employees as of this calendar year. Or I may need to call it PTO. We'll see what happens next. Depression is nothing to be ashamed of. It's an illness. You wouldn't be afraid to be judged harshly if you had a few broken bones or going through chemo. If your medication isn't working, then it's time to try different ones. It's notoriously difficult to match up the right meds for each patient, and most doctors try until they find something that works. In the meantime, if you can get sick leave, take it. A week isn't going to cut it. Take as much time as you need. Good luck.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 9, 2015 4:27:53 GMT -5
If at all possible, identify and eliminate any unnecessary stressors from your lifestyle. Next, search for those coping tools to help deal with those stressors you cannot eliminate. Some of the people in your life will not understand, enough, why you must rearrange your lifestyle. Because you care about them, explain in general terms why you must and leave that be. Talk therapy can be wonderful and helps tremendously if it is a fit for you. Begin by making an appointment with a professional and keeping the date. Tell him/her exactly what you told us- Be selfish, and help yourself.
My heart goes out to you.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Feb 9, 2015 6:37:32 GMT -5
I'm thinking of telling my manager tomorrow that major depression is dogging me due to number of stressors, and that I will / do need some time off - a week or so. I'm afraid he'll judge me harshly for this, but more afraid if I don't that he'll decide I'm an unmotivated mess. My benefits include full pay for sick time, with no days limit for salaried employees as of this calendar year. Or I may need to call it PTO. We'll see what happens next. Depression is nothing to be ashamed of. It's an illness. You wouldn't be afraid to be judged harshly if you had a few broken bones or going through chemo. If your medication isn't working, then it's time to try different ones. It's notoriously difficult to match up the right meds for each patient, and most doctors try until they find something that works. In the meantime, if you can get sick leave, take it. A week isn't going to cut it. Take as much time as you need. Good luck.
I agree Welts, it is nothing to be ashamed of. However that doesn't mean you need to disclose the details of your medical issues to others. Some things are simply not their business.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 9, 2015 8:17:03 GMT -5
I'm thinking of telling my manager tomorrow that major depression is dogging me due to number of stressors, and that I will / do need some time off - a week or so. I'm afraid he'll judge me harshly for this, but more afraid if I don't that he'll decide I'm an unmotivated mess. My benefits include full pay for sick time, with no days limit for salaried employees as of this calendar year. Or I may need to call it PTO. We'll see what happens next. Depression is nothing to be ashamed of. It's an illness. You wouldn't be afraid to be judged harshly if you had a few broken bones or going through chemo. If your medication isn't working, then it's time to try different ones. It's notoriously difficult to match up the right meds for each patient, and most doctors try until they find something that works. In the meantime, if you can get sick leave, take it. A week isn't going to cut it. Take as much time as you need. Good luck.
I certainly didn't mean to imply that finnime should be ashamed of being depressed. I agree that there is nothing to be ashamed of. But unfortunately, some people do judge the illness differently from other illnesses because they don't understand that it is very real and that it can have a major negative impact on your life. They think you're just being lazy or making things up or exaggerating. That is why I encouraged the OP to think carefully about how much to share with the boss, not because I think being depressed is shameful. The OP has already expressed concerned about the boss judging because of the condition. When finnime is feeling better and not struggling so much with the depression, she can be a champion for educating people about depression and dispelling some of the myths, but right now she just needs to look after her own needs without adding any unnecessary stress. If I was open with my boss about it and got a negative or judgemental reaction, that would be even more stress I had to deal with, because now I'm worried about my job. Going through my doctor and using FMLA lessens some of the worry about the job if I do need some time off work. But that's just me.
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Feb 9, 2015 9:19:48 GMT -5
Of course depression is nothing to be ashamed of. I've been dealing with it most of my life. The problem is, not all people in the work world are understanding. Take a look at the thread about women facing barriers. There's nothing to be ashamed of about having a family either, but people in the work world will still count it against you. They are just looking out for numero uno, and that's not going to be you.
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finnime
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Post by finnime on Feb 10, 2015 8:17:45 GMT -5
Yesterday I spoke with my manager, partly because I'd had our admin confirm 30 minutes to meet already; boss is extremely busy. I took your advice, @pinkcshmere and Ava and Shooby. I told him this was very difficult for me, as I'm a painfully private person, then explained I had a medical issue and was adjusting to a medication change, and needed some time - a week or two - off. He was surprised; he'd thought something was off and asked why I didn't bring it up before. I just reiterated that it was uncomfortable for me to discuss such private things. Now I'll get something in writing from my doctor as you described, plugginaway22 and TheOtherMe. This took a huge toll on my energy. Now my laptop's HDD - a hybrid - is shot, so I'm using a very old machine I'd kept with many quirks. It's true too often even now that people don't understand depression, clinical depression. They conflate it with the blues. They are sure that mustering willpower is the real cure. It isn't.
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finnime
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Post by finnime on Feb 10, 2015 8:25:32 GMT -5
weltschmerz, this almost makes me cry, because it's so (and shouldn't be) problematically not true right now for too many. I don't feel like I can take that kind of risk when everything is already tinged with fearful matter.
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finnime
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Post by finnime on Feb 10, 2015 8:29:26 GMT -5
If at all possible, identify and eliminate any unnecessary stressors from your lifestyle. Next, search for those coping tools to help deal with those stressors you cannot eliminate. Some of the people in your life will not understand, enough, why you must rearrange your lifestyle. Because you care about them, explain in general terms why you must and leave that be. Talk therapy can be wonderful and helps tremendously if it is a fit for you. Begin by making an appointment with a professional and keeping the date. Tell him/her exactly what you told us- Be selfish, and help yourself. My heart goes out to you. I feel weepy, reading this. Your empathy is that strong.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 10, 2015 9:55:54 GMT -5
I think you did fine. You let him know that you're dealing with a medical issue that's causing what he's perceived to be as "something is off", without going into details because of your personal privacy concerns. What you've told him will be supported by what you get from your doctor. I do think we as employees should offer a reason when something legitimate is causing our work performance to slip or we're taking an unusual amount of time off work. Just sometimes it's not good to go into detail about that legitimate something. Several years ago I had to take off work for a court date. My supervisor at the time was a nosy, gossiping lady. I never told her anything I didn't have to. She kept bugging me, trying to find out why I had to go to court. "You must have gotten a speeding ticket", then she'd come back later, "you suing somebody?", and on and on. I just kept smiling and wouldn't answer. I was going to court because I'd filed a contempt of court complaint on my children's father for nonpayment of child support, which wasn't really a big deal. I just wouldn't tell her because she only wanted to know for her own personal, gossipy reasons. I've been depressed before, and I had that same supervisor for a while when it started. She knew I had a lot of things going on in my personal life because I'd had to request my work schedule be changed because of something I was dealing with with one of my children, I'd missed work because my children had had countless doctors appointments, both had been hospitalized and one had had surgery. A lot of the documentation for those things went straight to her(documentation is verrrry important at my job), so she was aware of those problems. When I started being treated for depression, that documentation did not go to her and I never gave her any details about it. Since I've dealt with depression before, I know it can be a bugabear. I sincerely hope things get better for you soon finnime.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Feb 10, 2015 10:01:08 GMT -5
He was surprised; he'd thought something was off and asked why I didn't bring it up before.
I think that is a good sign. It sounds like you've been a very loyal/hardworking employee up to this point by telling him about your medication you've let him know this isn't a sign of things to come but a very unusual circumstance.
I find usually that if you've been a dedicated employee for a good amount of time that your employer will work with you within reason.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Feb 10, 2015 10:52:37 GMT -5
We (ok, I) am nagging Minnesota Paint Lady into posting chicken pictures on the thread called "Fluffy Butt is a Daddy" She's hatched 2 sets of eggs last year (there's a thread somewhere) and FluffyButt is one of the roosters she kept. So if seeing pictures of chicks and chickens make you happy, you might want to check out the thread. There's only a couple of pictures now. There were lots on last year's thread.
Chickens are not everyone's happy place, I admit.
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finnime
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Post by finnime on Feb 10, 2015 11:51:46 GMT -5
I can't take this. I was fired today, this morning. Even after I told my boss that I needed some time off due to my health.
I'm filing for FML (it's paid) anyway, ignoring the "termination effective immediately" because I have a kind of crazy idea it will protect me somehow.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Feb 10, 2015 11:53:57 GMT -5
Oh geez I am so sorry finnime!
The fact that this came so quickly on the heels of you confiding you were depressed makes me wonder. Do you have a paper trail showing what you told your boss? Not sure how it would help you but I don't think it'd hurt to have it either.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Feb 10, 2015 11:57:07 GMT -5
That's appalling finnime. I'm so sorry that this happened on top of the depression.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Feb 10, 2015 11:59:13 GMT -5
Wow, I'm so sorry!
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finnime
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Post by finnime on Feb 10, 2015 12:03:14 GMT -5
We (ok, I) am nagging Minnesota Paint Lady into posting chicken pictures on the thread called "Fluffy Butt is a Daddy" She's hatched 2 sets of eggs last year (there's a thread somewhere) and FluffyButt is one of the roosters she kept. So if seeing pictures of chicks and chickens make you happy, you might want to check out the thread. There's only a couple of pictures now. There were lots on last year's thread. Chickens are not everyone's happy place, I admit. Thank you! And MPL. What's not to like about hens and chicks?
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finnime
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Post by finnime on Feb 10, 2015 12:05:00 GMT -5
This is so, so hard.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Feb 10, 2015 12:05:28 GMT -5
We (ok, I) am nagging Minnesota Paint Lady into posting chicken pictures on the thread called "Fluffy Butt is a Daddy" She's hatched 2 sets of eggs last year (there's a thread somewhere) and FluffyButt is one of the roosters she kept. So if seeing pictures of chicks and chickens make you happy, you might want to check out the thread. There's only a couple of pictures now. There were lots on last year's thread. Chickens are not everyone's happy place, I admit. Thank you! And MPL. What's not to like about hens and chicks? The noise at odark hundred! The previous thread is called Chickens! If you click on MPL's name, you can select threads she's created. It's about 1/2 down the page. I don't know how to link an old thread into a different thread.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Feb 10, 2015 12:06:19 GMT -5
Hugs. Lots and lots of hugs. And to repurpose a different smiley - with your employer as the horse.
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Feb 10, 2015 12:13:24 GMT -5
I can't take this. I was fired today, this morning. Even after I told my boss that I needed some time off due to my health. I'm filing for FML (it's paid) anyway, ignoring the "termination effective immediately" because I have a kind of crazy idea it will protect me somehow. Oh, finnime, I'm so very, very sorry. As though you didn't have enough on your shoulders, now there's this. I hope the filing for FML works in your favor. In the meantime, hon, please - just take some time to love yourself as we, here, love you. You've done nothing wrong. Being ill is not a sin and depression is an illness, just like diabetes or heart disease. My heart just breaks for you.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Feb 10, 2015 12:34:04 GMT -5
That is awful, finnime. I'm so sorry.
Did your employer give a reason for the termination? Seems like they could be on shaky legal grounds if you just yesterday asked for FML and your boss was amenable.
(Really demonstrates the dual definition of FML, too...)
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Jaguar
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Post by Jaguar on Feb 10, 2015 13:03:47 GMT -5
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Sam_2.0
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Post by Sam_2.0 on Feb 10, 2015 13:06:10 GMT -5
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weltschmerz
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Post by weltschmerz on Feb 10, 2015 13:10:22 GMT -5
I can't take this. I was fired today, this morning. Even after I told my boss that I needed some time off due to my health. I'm filing for FML (it's paid) anyway, ignoring the "termination effective immediately" because I have a kind of crazy idea it will protect me somehow. Is he allowed to do that? Maybe he's banking on the fact that you don't have the energy to go after him legally.
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