finnime
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Post by finnime on Feb 4, 2015 0:27:02 GMT -5
I admit to my powerlessness here - I am depressed. I have Depression. And it's affecting my work, how my boss views me, everything, and it's getting worse - can't focus or communicate smoothly.
I need to work; I'm only 55. DH has yet another surgery on his foot/ankle Thursday, another round in the fight begun last July. Unbelievable.
I've mentioned to my boss that I tend to depression before, but not owned up to this sludge stopping me. And I'm a project manager in IT. In healthcare.
So WWYD? I do have a shrink, who helps a lot; seen him for years. But it takes time. And I just can't propel myself forward right now.
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Baby Fawkes
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Post by Baby Fawkes on Feb 4, 2015 0:31:09 GMT -5
I don't have any solid advice, but hopefully others may have experience to help you out. It's cliched, but hang in there and you'll eventually come out the other end just fine.
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bobosensei
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Post by bobosensei on Feb 4, 2015 0:35:01 GMT -5
If you aren't on medication get some. Even if you are opposed to this way to treat depression just use it until whatever the shrink is doing has time to work.
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tallguy
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Post by tallguy on Feb 4, 2015 0:39:13 GMT -5
Have you looked into ECT? There are good results for a lot of people. It can be expensive without good insurance coverage, but if you can take the time off (two or three days a week for three or four weeks) it may help tremendously. Good luck however you proceed.
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finnime
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Post by finnime on Feb 4, 2015 0:41:03 GMT -5
Yes, i'm on meds. Two of them for years; recently he added a third as a sort of short-term boost. It helps I think, but my wires are still crossing. I know I'm not responding "normally" to others; I feel flat.
Why can't I just work - why do I have to be cheerful, too?!!
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finnime
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Post by finnime on Feb 4, 2015 0:43:38 GMT -5
Have you looked into ECT? There are good results for a lot of people. It can be expensive without good insurance coverage, but if you can take the time off (two or three days a week for three or four weeks) it may help tremendously. Good luck however you proceed. I am in bad shape. ECT actuallysounds appealing. Depression is sedition inside your self - and can't be called forth by ordinary black magic.
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tallguy
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Post by tallguy on Feb 4, 2015 0:47:24 GMT -5
I know someone who went through it. They are tremendously improved after the series of procedures. They are still taking some medications, and are going to start going back to a therapist, but still doing much better than before.
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finnime
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Post by finnime on Feb 4, 2015 0:50:42 GMT -5
I know someone who went through it. They are tremendously improved after the series of procedures. Has the person been better for some time now?
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tallguy
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Post by tallguy on Feb 4, 2015 0:53:10 GMT -5
The treatments were last summer, but yes, they are doing much better.
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msventoux
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Post by msventoux on Feb 4, 2015 0:54:29 GMT -5
I'm so sorry you're having such a rough time. The stress of dealing with your husband's medical issues has to be an enormous stressor. Is it possible that menopause may be a factor? I don't think depression is uncommon during that time and the hormonal changes wreak havoc with everything. Have you had a full medical workup? There might be other medical or hormonal issues contributing to everything and changing your reactions to your typical dosages of meds. It might be time to reevaluate what you're taking. Good luck and best wishes to you and your husband during this time.
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lurkyloo
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Post by lurkyloo on Feb 4, 2015 1:03:05 GMT -5
I'm linking to thebloggess' main post on depression. She has a list toward the end of things to consider. But mostly I like both her humor and her tagline, "Depression lies". It covers so much in two words... thebloggess.com/2014/01/strange-and-beautiful/It's hard to function when your brain is working against you. Are you in a northerly climate/haven't seen the sun much lately? Vitamin D should be pretty easy to try. And keeping your medication balanced can be a struggle but is definitely worthwhile. We're rooting for you.
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bean29
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Post by bean29 on Feb 4, 2015 5:02:14 GMT -5
Have you looked into ECT? There are good results for a lot of people. It can be expensive without good insurance coverage, but if you can take the time off (two or three days a week for three or four weeks) it may help tremendously. Good luck however you proceed. I am in bad shape. ECT actuallysounds appealing. Depression is sedition inside your self - and can't be called forth by ordinary black magic. Please Go to the website for the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill and research this. My family considered it for Dad several years ago. Drs. Suggested it, Mom was reluctant b/c she said my Dad's brother received a similar treatment years ago and my Dad felt his brother was worse afterwards. The NAMI.Org site presents positive and inconclusive info. I am sure there is other information about other options for you too.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Feb 4, 2015 7:04:56 GMT -5
Honestly, I would be careful about broadcasting your depression too loudly at work. Sometimes you just have to fake it, especially at work. So, just keep going one day at a time. However, I think you should at least consider some Talk therapy and trying to work through some of the issues in your life. You are already on medication and maybe you need to get that tweaked but counseling is also valuable in helping you learn good coping strategies so please do not skimp on that.
Also, take care of yourself. If your life seems to be spinning to fast, are there things you can cut out right now? Maybe you have too many things on your plate and if so you might need to back off of somethings and give yourself more time for yourself.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Feb 4, 2015 8:03:04 GMT -5
What would I do?
I'd consider finding another shrink. It is possible that the relationship no longer working for you. Sometimes, a fresh perspective can help. I also don't do well with talk therapy. I only get results with CBT therapy.
I'd plug into NAMI.
When's the last time you've had a physical? Is your thyroid working properly?
What other kind of support network do you have? Do you belong to a faith and/or attend a place of worship? My church will provide meals, check in on folks when the chips are down. Can you get a visiting nurse type person in to help with your husband.
How can you reduce time/energy running the household? Some folks order groceries online. We have most of our finances on auto-pay. It takes me about 10 minutes a month to deal with our family finances. (It takes a lot longer to deal with my SE income.)
I'd go back to the basics. Even if you don't feel like eating, eat a healthy diet. Try to get some exercise, even if it simply parking your car further away from work or taking the stairs.
I'd also consider using some vacation time to take some 3 day weekends. Or if you can swing FMLA, I'd do that.
Also, make a list of 2-3 things that you need to get done that day. Just stop with that. Sometimes that helps me when I am overwhelmed.
I hope you can find all the help you need to get through this.
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cronewitch
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Post by cronewitch on Feb 4, 2015 8:04:53 GMT -5
Sunshine, fresh air and moving water. Go for a walk in the sun along a river trail or for a boat ride with wind in your hair. Take happy pills and talk to shrink too but nature has a way of cheering people up too. Look at puppies and baby birds or other happy things. Sometime spring helps this month crocuses will bloom and soon tulips. Doesn't solve real problems so keep working on that too but a 15 minute break outdoors can't hurt.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Feb 4, 2015 8:05:52 GMT -5
Why can't I just work - why do I have to be cheerful, too?!! This strikes me. There's very few people at work that are consistently cheerful day in and day out. We are expected to be polite to each other, to be courteous to each other. To be cheerful everyday. No. So, my answer to you would be, no you don't have to be cheerful.
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busymom
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Post by busymom on Feb 4, 2015 8:09:06 GMT -5
Is it possible you suffer from both depression AND SAD? This time of year is rough on me, even though the days are gradually getting longer, it doesn't happen fast enough! (It's TOO dark out.) I agree that maybe it's time to consider seeing a different therapist, too.
We're here for you!
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Feb 4, 2015 8:24:30 GMT -5
What would I do? I'd consider finding another shrink. It is possible that the relationship no longer working for you. Sometimes, a fresh perspective can help. I also don't do well with talk therapy. I only get results with CBT therapy. I'd plug into NAMI. When's the last time you've had a physical? Is your thyroid working properly? What other kind of support network do you have? Do you belong to a faith and/or attend a place of worship? My church will provide meals, check in on folks when the chips are down. Can you get a visiting nurse type person in to help with your husband. How can you reduce time/energy running the household? Some folks order groceries online. We have most of our finances on auto-pay. It takes me about 10 minutes a month to deal with our family finances. (It takes a lot longer to deal with my SE income.) I'd go back to the basics. Even if you don't feel like eating, eat a healthy diet. Try to get some exercise, even if it simply parking your car further away from work or taking the stairs. I'd also consider using some vacation time to take some 3 day weekends. Or if you can swing FMLA, I'd do that. Also, make a list of 2-3 things that you need to get done that day. Just stop with that. Sometimes that helps me when I am overwhelmed. I hope you can find all the help you need to get through this. Sucks that I can only like this post once. When I was deepest into my depression a few years ago, my therapist told me that I needed to do 1 thing just for me, at least once a week. Could be taking 5 minutes in the car to play my favorite song at top volume before picking up the kids from day care. Or some flowers at the grocery store when shopping. Just one thing that made me happier. It took a while but eventually doing that one thing DID make me happier. Plus the happy pills didn't hurt any. And be honest with your therapist. If you don't feel like this is working now, tell him/her that. You can't fix something when you don't know that it's broken.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 4, 2015 8:31:35 GMT -5
Why can't I just work - why do I have to be cheerful, too?!! This strikes me. There's very few people at work that are consistently cheerful day in and day out. We are expected to be polite to each other, to be courteous to each other. To be cheerful everyday. No. So, my answer to you would be, no you don't have to be cheerful. I'll add my limited experience with antidepressants. I had PPD pretty bad after DS#2 and they put me on meds. They were great for a while, then around 6 months, I got to the point where I felt as you describe. Flat. I didn't have bouts of overwhelming unhappiness, but I didn't have any periods of joy either. It was like the meds just took all the extremes out bad and good. The final straw was when I attended my grandmother's funeral and couldn't cry. That's when I decided to wean myself off them. Not saying this is what you should do, but I do wonder if the meds aren't contributing and something should be done there.
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Feb 4, 2015 8:32:13 GMT -5
Sorry to hear you are suffering Depression and have things in your life that tend to make people unhappy. Sometimes people habituate to medications and they need to be changed.
Also make sure you are covering the basics. Drink enough liquid, consider getting up and having your head in the sun for at least 10 to 15 minutes a day at the same time. B vitamins, Calcium/Magnesium help me. I agree about the menopause thing as peri-menopause has screwed up my sleep and my mood.
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finnime
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Post by finnime on Feb 4, 2015 8:59:15 GMT -5
Is it possible that menopause may be a factor? I don't think depression is uncommon during that time and the hormonal changes wreak havoc with everything. Have you had a full medical workup? Good luck and best wishes to you and your husband during this time. My hormones aren't paused any more; I'm in meno-stop. Yes, I've had the medical workup (thank you for the advice); I applied for life insurance before my 55th birthday and they did a full physical. All chemistry is overtly good. I really appreciate the support.
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finnime
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Post by finnime on Feb 4, 2015 9:02:08 GMT -5
Honestly, I would be careful about broadcasting your depression too loudly at work. Sometimes you just have to fake it, especially at work.
That - that is one thing I fear. It may be too late already; my work performance has been sliding and I am really uncomfortable about it being tolerated for too long by my boss. Is it worse to give him more candid information and let the chips fall where they may, or just keep trudging on and hope to not lose it all?
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finnime
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Post by finnime on Feb 4, 2015 9:03:41 GMT -5
What would I do? I'd consider finding another shrink. It is possible that the relationship no longer working for you. Sometimes, a fresh perspective can help. I also don't do well with talk therapy. I only get results with CBT therapy. I'd plug into NAMI. When's the last time you've had a physical? Is your thyroid working properly? What other kind of support network do you have? Do you belong to a faith and/or attend a place of worship? My church will provide meals, check in on folks when the chips are down. Can you get a visiting nurse type person in to help with your husband. How can you reduce time/energy running the household? Some folks order groceries online. We have most of our finances on auto-pay. It takes me about 10 minutes a month to deal with our family finances. (It takes a lot longer to deal with my SE income.) I'd go back to the basics. Even if you don't feel like eating, eat a healthy diet. Try to get some exercise, even if it simply parking your car further away from work or taking the stairs. I'd also consider using some vacation time to take some 3 day weekends. Or if you can swing FMLA, I'd do that. Also, make a list of 2-3 things that you need to get done that day. Just stop with that. Sometimes that helps me when I am overwhelmed. I hope you can find all the help you need to get through this. Gira, I'm going to copy this and use it as a list. I need direction here. Thank you thank you.
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finnime
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Post by finnime on Feb 4, 2015 9:07:50 GMT -5
Is it possible you suffer from both depression AND SAD? This time of year is rough on me, even though the days are gradually getting longer, it doesn't happen fast enough! (It's TOO dark out.) I agree that maybe it's time to consider seeing a different therapist, too.
We're here for you! Maybe. Probably, SAD too. It also hits me in the early summer, btw. My shrink is a rare bird, a psychiatrist who also does the talk thing. Depression for me includes intense irritability, like a teenager. Maybe I need some physical outlet. Not sex, though. Not interested.
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michelyn8
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Post by michelyn8 on Feb 4, 2015 9:09:48 GMT -5
Why can't I just work - why do I have to be cheerful, too?!! STOP trying to be cheerful because others expect you to - it just causes resentment on your part and can make your depression worse. I absolutely hate when others around me expect me to be Miss Mary Sunshine all the time. That's not my personality for one and two, I have suffered from mild depression since adolescence. If I feel down, I feel down and pretending I don't to make someone else feel better about themselves does nothing but make me feel worse. If you feel stressed out and down, accept that you feel that way and allow yourself some time to wallow. For me it really helped when I started allowing myself to have down periods and once I did, the worst spells subsided more quickly. Whenever a spell hits, I give myself one day to wallow. I found that by doing that, I usually worked through whatever it was that was making me feel down within a couple of hours. Instead of the internal battle of feeling down and telling myself I shouldn't because of this, that, or the other, I accept that there may be no exact reason for feeling depressed and that I just do. Once the pressure of having to find a reason for my mood is gone, I can think more logically and work through whatever may have triggered the spell. I'd also suggest taking a day off from work and family and do something that is just for you. If you want to stay home and be a couch potato do it. If you want to stay home and catch up on chores, then do that. No matter what you do just make sure its something YOU want to do and not something you feel you need to do for someone else.
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finnime
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Post by finnime on Feb 4, 2015 9:10:02 GMT -5
I can do this - liquids,B vitamins, calcium plus. OK. Drink enough liquid, consider getting up and having your head in the sun for at least 10 to 15 minutes a day at the same time. B vitamins, Calcium/Magnesium help me.
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busymom
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Post by busymom on Feb 4, 2015 9:12:45 GMT -5
Finn, I just started walking again this week (mostly because my blood pressure is up). Do you like walking, or are there any sports you've participated in the past that you'd enjoy doing again. Maybe golf, tennis or bowling? (I'm trying to think of sports that are still fun after age 40...) I agree that physical activity makes ME feel better!
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finnime
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Post by finnime on Feb 4, 2015 9:13:32 GMT -5
Why can't I just work - why do I have to be cheerful, too?!! STOP trying to be cheerful because others expect you to - it just causes resentment on your part and can make your depression worse. I absolutely hate when others around me expect me to be Miss Mary Sunshine all the time. That's not my personality for one and two, I have suffered from mild depression since adolescence. If I feel down, I feel down and pretending I don't to make someone else feel better about themselves does nothing but make me feel worse. If you feel stressed out and down, accept that you feel that way and allow yourself some time to wallow. For me it really helped when I started allowing myself to have down periods and once I did, the worst spells subsided more quickly. Whenever a spell hits, I give myself one day to wallow. I found that by doing that, I usually worked through whatever it was that was making me feel down within a couple of hours. Instead of the internal battle of feeling down and telling myself I shouldn't because of this, that, or the other, I accept that there may be no exact reason for feeling depressed and that I just do. Once the pressure of having to find a reason for my mood is gone, I can think more logically and work through whatever may have triggered the spell. I'd also suggest taking a day off from work and family and do something that is just for you. If you want to stay home and be a couch potato do it. If you want to stay home and catch up on chores, then do that. No matter what you do just make sure its something YOU want to do and not something you feel you need to do for someone else. That feels like relief to me. I've had a few bouts over my life of major depression. I'm afraid I'm going (have gone) into another. The energy needed to be nice is just more than I can deal. I'm sorry it hits you, too, but it helps to know you how you move through it. Has your work been affected?
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Feb 4, 2015 9:21:21 GMT -5
Honestly, I would be careful about broadcasting your depression too loudly at work. Sometimes you just have to fake it, especially at work.
That - that is one thing I fear. It may be too late already; my work performance has been sliding and I am really uncomfortable about it being tolerated for too long by my boss. Is it worse to give him more candid information and let the chips fall where they may, or just keep trudging on and hope to not lose it all? In my case (gov't IT), it was better to tell my bosses. They knew something was up, this put it on the table. It also meant that they felt they could ask questions (did you visit EAP, have you looked into FMLA? etc.), to a limited extent. Plus they cut me a bit of slack, when they could.
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finnime
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Post by finnime on Feb 4, 2015 9:30:54 GMT -5
Finn, I just started walking again this week (mostly because my blood pressure is up). Do you like walking, or are there any sports you've participated in the past that you'd enjoy doing again. Maybe golf, tennis or bowling? (I'm trying to think of sports that are still fun after age 40...) I agree that physical activity makes ME feel better! I used to walk. When I was younger, I even ran a few miles a day (slloooooooooowwwwwwwwwwww run). I stopped for the most part when my dog died last April. Sounds like a bad country song, doesn't it? - my love lives on (my sadness grows) once she, my dog died - my love lives on (my sadness grows ...
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