zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jan 26, 2015 16:08:46 GMT -5
No, they knew I was a teacher. I'm assuming they knew what school system. But sometimes these dates didn't go beyond a few dates. What if they'd been crazy stalkers? I couldn't risk it.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jan 26, 2015 16:10:23 GMT -5
As far as sex, that happened at HIS house. I lived close to where I worked. I didn't need neighbors seeing some guy leaving my house the next morning. Their children could be my students.
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Apple
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Post by Apple on Jan 26, 2015 16:11:35 GMT -5
I don't think it's unrealistic/unreasonable at all. Better than introducing your kid(s) a revolving door of guys. I'd rather deadend one relationship after a year than have the kid meet several "new friends"over the course of several years. My son is not a "test" that should be taken to make my life more convenient. There are always exceptions to the rule (maybe), but he is a person who ends up with his own relationship with his own hurt feelings if things go south.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 26, 2015 16:14:32 GMT -5
As far as sex, that happened at HIS house. I lived close to where I worked. I didn't need neighbors seeing some guy leaving my house the next morning. Their children could be my students. so you'll have sex with someone before you've known them a year but you won't tell them where you work?
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Apple
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Post by Apple on Jan 26, 2015 16:15:21 GMT -5
I'm not implying anyone here has a revolving door, but I saw that happen to way too many friends growing up. One friend seemed to have a "new dad" every year. I felt so bad for her because her heart would break just a little more with each one, until she just decided she would hate any man her mom introduced her to.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jan 26, 2015 16:21:47 GMT -5
No. I'm saying I would be and was very cautious while my kids were still minors. Both my kids are grateful I didnt parade one guy after another into their lives. They had friends who parents did. I started dating the one guy long term in April and I took him to my holiday party in December. But,yes, I was sleeping with him by then. But he had not met my kids by then and I had not met his.
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Jan 26, 2015 16:24:45 GMT -5
It's very easy to avoid kids. They're usually at the other parents or you meet someplace. I was very cautious about letting anyone know where I lived or exactly where I worked. well that's dandy if they have another parent's house to go to.... I was thinking the same thing, but opted not to comment on that point.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 26, 2015 16:24:52 GMT -5
why does everyone think that not waiting a year to introduce a guy equals parading one guy after another past them? do you not have friends that you have over for dinner or to watch a movie? how does your child know you're dating one and not the other? also, it was nice to not have to spend $50 on a sitter to go out for an evening and instead have someone over for dinner and then watch a movie after the kids went to bed.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jan 26, 2015 16:30:39 GMT -5
I believe the guy I dated and I were both just super cautious. Our kids wre our priority because the other parents involved did not put the kids first. If my kids had been very young, I may have handled it differently.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Jan 26, 2015 16:31:39 GMT -5
I tried dating a much younger guy and it didn't last long. I'd make references in conversation that were over his head because he hadn't even been born yet. Example, my family and I all pretty much live on the same street. I had made a joke that I live in Mayberry. He asked me where Mayberry was and if it was a small town because he'd never heard of it. I stick to men my age and older these days that I can actually have a conversation with. My ten year old knows about Mayberry, do I really live in the only place that it's still on tv 5 days a week? Network tv, right after the news. I doubt it. Maybe the boy I mentioned was just challenged. He was 23 at the time.
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Jan 26, 2015 16:32:38 GMT -5
I don't think it's unrealistic/unreasonable at all. Better than introducing your kid(s) a revolving door of guys. I'd rather deadend one relationship after a year than have the kid meet several "new friends"over the course of several years. My son is not a "test" that should be taken to make my life more convenient. There are always exceptions to the rule (maybe), but he is a person who ends up with his own relationship with his own hurt feelings if things go south. I guess I just see a big difference between introducing kids to someone & actually having that person having enough of a role in that child's life that they become attached.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jan 26, 2015 16:35:03 GMT -5
You have to know your kids. DD was so looking for a father figure that I just couldn't risk it. She'd been hurt enough.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Jan 26, 2015 16:38:09 GMT -5
I think it is okay to bring up kids on a first date, but I've known women who not only bring them up, but show off pictures. I think that is a terrific way to attract a pedophile. I agree that you shouldn't have anyone meet your kids until it has been a year. It is simply a safety issue. I don't understand the height issues. My GF and her two daughters are all taller than me when they wear heels. It isn't an issue for me, they're tall for females, people are going to notice. Might as well wear heels and give 'em something to look at. My deal breakers all had to do with intelligence. If you tell me "I don't like to read" or ask me to define a word I used in conversation, we're done talking. I'm not trying to be a snob, but I could never be with someone who intentionally limits their intellectual development. Yes, bc trying to learn a new word screams " I don't want to learn anything new" I always ask people for the meaning of the words I don't understand. Interestingly enough, some of them couldn't even explain it. So.....just bc you use certain words, doesn't scream "intelligence" either
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jan 26, 2015 16:44:02 GMT -5
Especially when you use them incorrectly!
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Jan 26, 2015 17:46:17 GMT -5
Actually the guy I dated for many years had that rule. His kids got attached to a girl he dated and when they stopped seeing each other, the kids were very upset. I was fine with it. It actually didn't end up being a whole year but pretty close. I was more cautious with mine. DD was too much needing a father figure. I had to be very careful. This is one of the reasons why I say they should wait a while before meeting kids. I don't need to parade a bunch of men into DS's life, and I don't want him to attach to every single one. If I think the relationship is really getting serious, that's when it's time. I'd say somewhere around the 5-6 month mark. I agree now that a year is a bit too long.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jan 26, 2015 18:28:23 GMT -5
Yes, well, it swings both ways. I got very attached to HIS kids and I miss them.
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CarolinaKat
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Post by CarolinaKat on Jan 27, 2015 8:10:45 GMT -5
I tried dating a much younger guy and it didn't last long. I'd make references in conversation that were over his head because he hadn't even been born yet. Example, my family and I all pretty much live on the same street. I had made a joke that I live in Mayberry. He asked me where Mayberry was and if it was a small town because he'd never heard of it. I stick to men my age and older these days that I can actually have a conversation with. My ten year old knows about Mayberry, do I really live in the only place that it's still on tv 5 days a week? Network tv, right after the news. Between all the over the air channels I get (do not have cable or satellite) pretty sure we get Andy at least 6 days a week
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Bob Ross
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Post by Bob Ross on Jan 28, 2015 16:54:31 GMT -5
Actually the guy I dated for many years had that rule. His kids got attached to a girl he dated and when they stopped seeing each other, the kids were very upset. I was fine with it. It actually didn't end up being a whole year but pretty close. I was more cautious with mine. DD was too much needing a father figure. I had to be very careful. This is one of the reasons why I say they should wait a while before meeting kids. I don't need to parade a bunch of men into DS's life, and I don't want him to attach to every single one. If I think the relationship is really getting serious, that's when it's time. I'd say somewhere around the 5-6 month mark. I agree now that a year is a bit too long. Aw, c'mon. So many kids don't even have one dad nowadays. I see no problem in spoiling him with multiple dads. There could be creepy dad, meathead dad, hairy dad...basically a dad for every character played by Rob Lowe in those GEICO commercials.
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beergut
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Post by beergut on Jan 29, 2015 23:05:10 GMT -5
Sounds good in theory, but in practice that can be incredibly unrealistic. I'm sorry, but I thinking dating for a year before introducing your kids is ridiculous.... Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, you don't have to agree with mine. I don't think it is fair to have several different people paraded through a kid's life for them to potentially bond with, and then lose when it doesn't work out. I also think this protects the other party, as they aren't put in a situation where they are staying with you because they care for the kids. I think if a relationship is going to work or not, you'll be able to tell within a year. I also think it is possible to ascertain what kind of parent a person is/what kind of kids they have without directly meeting them. I don't have to meet someone's kids to know if they put their children first in their lives, which is the way it is supposed to be.
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beergut
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Post by beergut on Jan 29, 2015 23:12:40 GMT -5
I think it is okay to bring up kids on a first date, but I've known women who not only bring them up, but show off pictures. I think that is a terrific way to attract a pedophile. I agree that you shouldn't have anyone meet your kids until it has been a year. It is simply a safety issue. I don't understand the height issues. My GF and her two daughters are all taller than me when they wear heels. It isn't an issue for me, they're tall for females, people are going to notice. Might as well wear heels and give 'em something to look at. My deal breakers all had to do with intelligence. If you tell me "I don't like to read" or ask me to define a word I used in conversation, we're done talking. I'm not trying to be a snob, but I could never be with someone who intentionally limits their intellectual development. Yes, bc trying to learn a new word screams " I don't want to learn anything new" I always ask people for the meaning of the words I don't understand. Interestingly enough, some of them couldn't even explain it. So.....just bc you use certain words, doesn't scream "intelligence" either The "intentionally limits their intellectual development" part is more about people who tell me "I don't like to read." As for asking me to define a word used in a conversation, I've had women ask me three or four times in a conversation to stop and define something. When I'm talking to teenagers, like my nieces when they were little, or my GF's daughters now, that is acceptable and expected. When I'm talking to women, that is a major turn off. If you're talking to someone who doesn't know the meaning of words he is using in a conversation, he is an idiot.
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Jan 30, 2015 12:07:15 GMT -5
As far as sex, that happened at HIS house. I lived close to where I worked. I didn't need neighbors seeing some guy leaving my house the next morning. Their children could be my students. Did you HAD to had sex?
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jan 30, 2015 12:10:21 GMT -5
I'm assuming you mean did I HAVE to have sex? It's not easy to keep a man without it.
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HoneyBBQ
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Post by HoneyBBQ on Jan 30, 2015 12:18:11 GMT -5
No. I'm saying I would be and was very cautious while my kids were still minors. Both my kids are grateful I didnt parade one guy after another into their lives. They had friends who parents did. I started dating the one guy long term in April and I took him to my holiday party in December. But,yes, I was sleeping with him by then. But he had not met my kids by then and I had not met his. My mom had tons of boyfriends when I was young. Revolving door. Some I liked, some I didn't. Some moved in, some moved out. I won't say it traumatized me, but I do think it influenced me. It took me a long time as an adult to find the right person... and it took a lot of tries. I think I had my own revolving door for awhile... That said, if something happens to my spouse, I will be extremely careful with my daughter. Partnership is important, but parenting is imperative.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jan 30, 2015 12:20:31 GMT -5
Amen.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Jan 30, 2015 12:28:12 GMT -5
Yes, bc trying to learn a new word screams " I don't want to learn anything new" I always ask people for the meaning of the words I don't understand. Interestingly enough, some of them couldn't even explain it. So.....just bc you use certain words, doesn't scream "intelligence" either The "intentionally limits their intellectual development" part is more about people who tell me "I don't like to read." As for asking me to define a word used in a conversation, I've had women ask me three or four times in a conversation to stop and define something. When I'm talking to teenagers, like my nieces when they were little, or my GF's daughters now, that is acceptable and expected. When I'm talking to women, that is a major turn off. If you're talking to someone who doesn't know the meaning of words he is using in a conversation, he is an idiot. There are people in the world that just don't like reading, it doesn't make them stupid. I like to read, my sisters aren't readers for amusement kind of people. Neither are dumb. Then there are people that have learning disabilities, for whom reading is a major chore instead of fun. I assume they "don't like to read" either. Maybe I'm reading what you're saying in too narrow a frame but you sure do seem to be dismissing non readers as idiots.
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t-dog
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Post by t-dog on Jan 30, 2015 13:25:16 GMT -5
My biggie is communication. Dude I was seeing still hasn't said a word since kids moved to town. I do know he is alive since I saw him on the freeway last night. Hard to hide in your big ole company issued plumbing truck with your name stenciled on the driver and passenger doors. So he is alive, but still playing the ostrich with head in the sand. Jerk.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jan 30, 2015 13:50:53 GMT -5
My biggie is communication. Dude I was seeing still hasn't said a word since kids moved to town. I do know he is alive since I saw him on the freeway last night. Hard to hide in your big ole company issued plumbing truck with your name stenciled on the driver and passenger doors. So he is alive, but still playing the ostrich with head in the sand. Jerk. But he did communicate to you...he is no longer interested.
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t-dog
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Post by t-dog on Jan 30, 2015 14:00:52 GMT -5
Well clearly, Miss. T., what I meant was verbal communication. Yes, I got the message, but it would have been much appreciated if he had simply stated it. at 41 people should be able to own and express their decisions with words.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Jan 30, 2015 14:04:20 GMT -5
Well clearly, Miss. T., what I meant was verbal communication. Yes, I got the message, but it would have been much appreciated if he had simply stated it. at 41 people should be able to own and express their decisions with words. They should. But most people are assholes.
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t-dog
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Post by t-dog on Jan 30, 2015 14:29:15 GMT -5
I will admit I had a moment where I thought it would be fun to watch him squirm by placing a call to the plumbing company for an estimate (hey I really am looking at upgrading the bathroom) and requesting that he be the tech to come out. He went on and on about how much he hated doing estimates because there were no billable hours in them for him so he only got paid his hourly base rate. I giggled in my head for a couple minutes then moved on because I am an adult and recognize that it wouldn't be good behavior.
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