tloonya
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What status?
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Post by tloonya on Jan 24, 2015 12:12:42 GMT -5
Do you want an advise or pet on a head? Suck it up and go cry in a corner because you are a bad, bad date. You are too choosy and not flexible. And funny about small things. Like height. And I am sure you are even funnier about small things that aren't height! That's an interesting dictionary you have where preferable means "I'm totally inflexible stay away cuz I'm a bad bad date". You got it!
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Jan 24, 2015 22:47:08 GMT -5
Someone who talks about their kids unless asked about them' generally is a bore with no outside interests. I was a person long before I had kids and I'm a person now. I have a lot of interests, travel, history, politics, where to score deals on things, restaurants, funny stories about people and things that have happened. If a potential date spent their whole time or most of it rambling on about their children, there'd not be another date. Sure I have interests outside of the kids. But when was the last time I really hot to pursue them. The only two things I really get to do just for me ia get a workout in and I do read. But everything else even if I get to do it is with the kids.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Jan 24, 2015 23:19:12 GMT -5
First of all, MJ, I am sorry you got divorced.
As far as sharing - I am a hypocrite. I preferred that guys shared everything, but I didn't divulge much about myself. Although, I really didn't have much to share. I didn't have kids, crazy exes, weird diseases, bad financial situations, etc. I was pretty much baggage free.
I don't see myself dating ever again, but if I did while my kids are this young - that would be a first date conversation, no doubt. Not even bc of the dealbreaker part. Bc if I need to cancel our second date, for example, it would most likely be bc of the kids - so I wouldn't want it to seem like an excuse.
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tallguy
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Post by tallguy on Jan 25, 2015 0:17:41 GMT -5
There. Fixed.
Oh, wait. What? You were talking about you? Never mind.
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zibazinski
Community Leader
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Post by zibazinski on Jan 25, 2015 9:15:10 GMT -5
Ugh, glad I dated people who had stuff to talk about. I'd find it equally boring if someone just talked about their job. I wonder when parents realize no one cares about their kids but them? If ever? I'm watching a woman who made her life her kids now faking health issues for attention because her kids are trying to escape her clutches. Needless to say, she's gradually being excluded by women who have lives outside of motherhood. Her husband is referred to as Saint David.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Jan 25, 2015 10:30:45 GMT -5
i am a very private person by nature and very rarely talk about my kids or family member in general. But I would absolutely bring up the fact that I have them, most likely, without even mentioning their names
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jan 25, 2015 10:33:45 GMT -5
I bring them up if asked. If not asked, I dont.
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Apple
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Always travel with a sense of humor
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Post by Apple on Jan 25, 2015 12:02:39 GMT -5
For me kids just come up in completely different ways... When I was on work travel recently, I found out one of the guys was moving to my area soon because he'd just got hired at a nearby location. He asked me about the best areas around here to live, and my reply was "I don't know if you have kids or not..." because my recommendation for where to move would be different depending on if you have kids--what age/activities are they interested in, if you don't have kids, you don't care about the schools, etc.
If someone were to ask "what's the latest movie you saw?", I may have an unusual answer and add "my son wanted to see it" if it was something completely "not my taste".
I think a lot of it is just finding points you have in common. Not everything has to be the same, but you find those points that do overlap, and having kids can be one of those (or just a deal breaker). My son is old enough now he may or may not be a deal breaker, but if he is, may as well mention him in some aspect, even if it is just "I took my son to see x play/movie a while ago, and it was better than I expected."
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jan 25, 2015 12:11:48 GMT -5
Ugh, glad I dated people who had stuff to talk about. I'd find it equally boring if someone just talked about their job. I wonder when parents realize no one cares about their kids but them? If ever? I'm watching a woman who made her life her kids now faking health issues for attention because her kids are trying to escape her clutches. Needless to say, she's gradually being excluded by women who have lives outside of motherhood. Her husband is referred to as Saint David. I have to say, if I were to date a man who appeared to hate children as much as you do, it would be our first and last date. I'm not someone who sits and only talks about my kids but the fact is, I have kids and they are a major part of my life. If someone would get annoyed at the mere mention of my children, I would know this isn't he person for me. If anyone spoke about my children the way you speak about your husbands children I would have dropped them a long time ago
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zibazinski
Community Leader
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Post by zibazinski on Jan 25, 2015 19:16:13 GMT -5
Yes, you've made that clear.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Jan 25, 2015 21:36:38 GMT -5
Ugh, glad I dated people who had stuff to talk about. I'd find it equally boring if someone just talked about their job. I wonder when parents realize no one cares about their kids but them? If ever? I'm watching a woman who made her life her kids now faking health issues for attention because her kids are trying to escape her clutches. Needless to say, she's gradually being excluded by women who have lives outside of motherhood. Her husband is referred to as Saint David. I like hearing about other people's kids. Even before I had kids I liked to hear about other people's kids.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jan 25, 2015 21:52:32 GMT -5
Ugh, glad I dated people who had stuff to talk about. I'd find it equally boring if someone just talked about their job. I wonder when parents realize no one cares about their kids but them? If ever? I'm watching a woman who made her life her kids now faking health issues for attention because her kids are trying to escape her clutches. Needless to say, she's gradually being excluded by women who have lives outside of motherhood. Her husband is referred to as Saint David. I like hearing about other people's kids. Even before I had kids I liked to hear about other people's kids. Me too. Don't get me wrong, if kids are the only thing a person can talk about that is an issue. But look at our board, we all talk about our kids now and then.
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beergut
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Post by beergut on Jan 26, 2015 4:51:35 GMT -5
I think it is okay to bring up kids on a first date, but I've known women who not only bring them up, but show off pictures. I think that is a terrific way to attract a pedophile. I agree that you shouldn't have anyone meet your kids until it has been a year. It is simply a safety issue. I don't understand the height issues. My GF and her two daughters are all taller than me when they wear heels. It isn't an issue for me, they're tall for females, people are going to notice. Might as well wear heels and give 'em something to look at. My deal breakers all had to do with intelligence. If you tell me "I don't like to read" or ask me to define a word I used in conversation, we're done talking. I'm not trying to be a snob, but I could never be with someone who intentionally limits their intellectual development.
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zibazinski
Community Leader
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Post by zibazinski on Jan 26, 2015 7:23:59 GMT -5
This is why I know DD and her current won't last. He's a nice enough guy but not too bright. She's heard me over the years complain about dumb guys and now she is doing the same thing. She actually told me his GPA in criminal justice. Oh, boy. I'd have never told anyone if that was my GPA. .
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CarolinaKat
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Post by CarolinaKat on Jan 26, 2015 9:29:02 GMT -5
I don't know - I mean I can go on for a while talking about various topics and interests that have nothing to do with DS. No kidding. People were are people who happen to also be before they were parents. Talk about interesting things. fixed
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Jan 26, 2015 10:37:45 GMT -5
I tried dating a much younger guy and it didn't last long. I'd make references in conversation that were over his head because he hadn't even been born yet. Example, my family and I all pretty much live on the same street. I had made a joke that I live in Mayberry. He asked me where Mayberry was and if it was a small town because he'd never heard of it. I stick to men my age and older these days that I can actually have a conversation with.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Jan 26, 2015 14:48:31 GMT -5
I tried dating a much younger guy and it didn't last long. I'd make references in conversation that were over his head because he hadn't even been born yet. Example, my family and I all pretty much live on the same street. I had made a joke that I live in Mayberry. He asked me where Mayberry was and if it was a small town because he'd never heard of it. I stick to men my age and older these days that I can actually have a conversation with. My ten year old knows about Mayberry, do I really live in the only place that it's still on tv 5 days a week? Network tv, right after the news.
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milee
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Post by milee on Jan 26, 2015 14:56:39 GMT -5
My ten year old knows about Mayberry, do I really live in the only place that it's still on tv 5 days a week? Network tv, right after the news. Do you happen to live in Hell? Because watching the Andy Griffith show 5 nights a week sounds like something that would be ruled illegal torture under the Geneva Convention.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Jan 26, 2015 15:00:14 GMT -5
My ten year old knows about Mayberry, do I really live in the only place that it's still on tv 5 days a week? Network tv, right after the news. Do you happen to live in Hell? Because watching the Andy Griffith show 5 nights a week sounds like something that would be ruled illegal torture under the Geneva Convention. No, just north of most of FL but south of I 10 Andy doesn't bother me that much, I just can't even remember when it has been on my tv locally. They run through all the seasons and start back over at the beginning.
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milee
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Post by milee on Jan 26, 2015 15:02:50 GMT -5
Do you happen to live in Hell? Because watching the Andy Griffith show 5 nights a week sounds like something that would be ruled illegal torture under the Geneva Convention. No, just north of most of FL but south of I 10 OK, that explains it. We do some weird stuff in Florida.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Jan 26, 2015 15:05:30 GMT -5
No, just north of most of FL but south of I 10 OK, that explains it. We do some weird stuff in Florida. Understatement of the century
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Jan 26, 2015 15:16:20 GMT -5
I agree that you shouldn't have anyone meet your kids until it has been a year. It is simply a safety issue. Sounds good in theory, but in practice that can be incredibly unrealistic.
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Wisconsin Beth
Distinguished Associate
No, we don't walk away. But when we're holding on to something precious, we run.
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jan 26, 2015 15:19:03 GMT -5
I like hearing about other people's kids. Even before I had kids I liked to hear about other people's kids. Me too. Don't get me wrong, if kids are the only thing a person can talk about that is an issue. But look at our board, we all talk about our kids now and then. Does it help when I admit to having damn little conversation that doesn't include my kids? They say admitting a problem is the first step, right?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 26, 2015 15:33:45 GMT -5
I agree that you shouldn't have anyone meet your kids until it has been a year. It is simply a safety issue. Sounds good in theory, but in practice that can be incredibly unrealistic. I'm sorry, but I thinking dating for a year before introducing your kids is ridiculous....
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Jan 26, 2015 15:50:17 GMT -5
Sounds good in theory, but in practice that can be incredibly unrealistic. I'm sorry, but I thinking dating for a year before introducing your kids is ridiculous.... I would think not getting along with the other person's kids or not liking the way the person your dating interacts with your kids (or their own kids) would be something you would want to discover early on. I don't know about others, but someone else's kid being a terror would be a deal-breaker for me & I would hate to wait a year to find out the relationship is a dead-end.
Also logistically, I am just thinking the awkwardness of getting picked up or dropped off from a date & saying "you can't come in, I don't want you to meet my kids".
I don't think they should be alone together or need to spend a significant amount of time together, but not even meeting is crazy.
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zibazinski
Community Leader
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Post by zibazinski on Jan 26, 2015 15:55:24 GMT -5
It's very easy to avoid kids. They're usually at the other parents or you meet someplace. I was very cautious about letting anyone know where I lived or exactly where I worked.
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Jan 26, 2015 15:59:13 GMT -5
It's very easy to avoid kids. They're usually at the other parents or you meet someplace. I was very cautious about letting anyone know where I lived or exactly where I worked. For a whole year?
ETA - I am not debating the being cautious about dating & having them meet your kids. I am arguing that it shouldn't have to be a year before they meet.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 26, 2015 16:05:13 GMT -5
It's very easy to avoid kids. They're usually at the other parents or you meet someplace. I was very cautious about letting anyone know where I lived or exactly where I worked. well that's dandy if they have another parent's house to go to....
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 26, 2015 16:06:10 GMT -5
It's very easy to avoid kids. They're usually at the other parents or you meet someplace. I was very cautious about letting anyone know where I lived or exactly where I worked. For a whole year?
ETA - I am not debating the being cautious about dating & having them meet your kids. I am arguing that it shouldn't have to be a year before they meet.
honestly, it it takes a year before you tell someone where you work, I question your sanity. we've already done this in another thread but if I can't tell someone where I work then why the hell am I dating them. are you also waiting a year to have sex?
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jan 26, 2015 16:06:53 GMT -5
Actually the guy I dated for many years had that rule. His kids got attached to a girl he dated and when they stopped seeing each other, the kids were very upset. I was fine with it. It actually didn't end up being a whole year but pretty close. I was more cautious with mine. DD was too much needing a father figure. I had to be very careful.
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