zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Dec 31, 2014 10:18:45 GMT -5
Because there's always one person who needs to be heard.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Dec 31, 2014 10:20:05 GMT -5
It's the occasional playing on special occasions that keeps him in his place.
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kittensaver
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We cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love. - Mother Teresa
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Post by kittensaver on Dec 31, 2014 13:34:46 GMT -5
Only if you let it be. He is asking you to support not only him, but the entire family on your income alone. You have the power here to insist on what you want to insist on. And - out to the universe here - why is that when men make the money - women feel they have no power, and whent he woman makes the money - she feels no power tip toeing around the man's ego? A question for the ages and the sages here. You are asking the wrong person because I make 2X what my wife makes and she got all the power. Heck she carries my balls in her purse and only let me take them out to play on special occasions. Yeah, but the difference is: you apparently like it that way
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Dec 31, 2014 14:10:02 GMT -5
I'm more worried that this sets the stage for him to start to living off someone else process. I've seen it happen before it was even acceptable for a man to do this. Twice. Both times it ended badly. He needs help and it bothers me that he makes no effort to get said help. That's "out of the question" but living off his wife isn't? Not very "manly" if that's the reason he won't get professional help. Nowadays it happens more often and sometimes the spouse is on board with it but if they are not, it should be totally off the table. Even the photographer waited until both kids were on their own.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Dec 31, 2014 14:16:57 GMT -5
Yeah I don't care for the 'I am too manly" to get help for whatever medical issue is they have excuse.
You're not being manly, you're being cowardly. Going to the doctor means you have to face the fact you have a problem and deal with it as opposed to burying your head in the sand.
He won't get to use "I'm depressed' as an excuse not to get control of his life and start living in reality rather than fantasizing about being an Ebay picker. He also won't be able to throw that up as a defense if this proposition falls flat on its face.
Which is why I would make it an ultimatum he go and I'd follow thru if he didn't. If this is as great an idea as he thinks it is he should have no problems with jumping thru whatever hoops you set in front of him to make sure this isn't just an impulse that will fall apart during the next depressive episode.
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swamp
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THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
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Post by swamp on Dec 31, 2014 14:23:56 GMT -5
I have my own business. I don't work for The Man. I work for The Men. The courts, judges, clients, banks, state bar, etc. etc. If he thinks setting up a business is a way to avoid The Man, he's delusional.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Dec 31, 2014 14:30:00 GMT -5
If he thinks setting up a business is a way to avoid The Man, he's delusional. Maybe he's talked to PBP too many times.
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swamp
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THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
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Post by swamp on Dec 31, 2014 14:35:31 GMT -5
If he thinks setting up a business is a way to avoid The Man, he's delusional. Maybe he's talked to PBP too many times. I have a feeling his wife does all the dealings with The Man, so he has time to pontificate about his avoidance of The Man.
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Post by Amateur Genealogist on Dec 31, 2014 14:46:16 GMT -5
Taking your budget, I pulled out all the essentials that I'm guessing are necessary & difficult to cut:
mortgage/escrow $1,711 groceries & household supplies 572 (You may be able to cut this, but if you cut dining out & school lunches, this may be hard to drop significantly) student loan 471 auto loan 331 auto fuel 276 EF savings 250 auto maintenance/registration 160 afterschool childcare 150 (maybe??) auto insurance 124 LTD & life insurance 116 electric 97 landline/internet 82 (left for the ebay business) gas 34 garbage 18 TOTAL $4,392
Does your income alone cover that? My guess is no based on your income split, but it would depend on the various deductions & such. My guess is you can't even cover the basic, basics without additional income from him. And you will hate this budget, this leaves room for nothing fun. She might be able to cover it all, it will come close, it won't be fun but she just might. She said she grossed 74k ... so that comes to $6,167/month Now depending on if she contributes to her own pension or not and withholding/deductions it will come really close! Well, it's definitely not pretty and I'll probably hate it this year. Maybe I need to get angrier. My net is only $4,200/month, but I get paid bi-weekly, so I can factor in an extra $4,200/year. We usually don't owe much in taxes each year, so I'm guessing I'm having way more withheld and DH not enough. If our income drops significantly, I will have to figure out exemptions better to fix it, which may increase my take-home pay a little. We keep all our money together now - no his and mine accounts or splitting of finances. It slowly got messed up over the years from changing deductions/exceptions. Actually, maybe I should get that cleaned up now. I also may be able to pick up some part-time summer work (I work in the schools). Monthly, I could probably cut groceries by $100 easily, even with school lunches (I haven't been vigilant about cost when grocery shopping). Also, I just freed up another $132/month by changing home insurance and cutting a couple other things. In the summer, there are no childcare expenses, and next fall, it'll drop to $75/month. A worse case scenario (financially speaking) is that this has to carry on long term because he is unemployable due to his depression in which case we'd downsize and use the proceeds (assuming I pay off the second mortgage sometime in mid-2016) to help with living expenses. I am going to talk to him about depression and my concerns. That will be our exciting New Year's plans.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 31, 2014 14:50:42 GMT -5
I agree that you don't get to use depression as an excuse and then not see a doctor about it.
I wouldn't under withhold until you have figured out husbands taxes for new business... I have a feeling he won't be putting back what he needs to for taxes.
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kittensaver
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We cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love. - Mother Teresa
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Post by kittensaver on Dec 31, 2014 14:54:45 GMT -5
I agree that you don't get to use depression as an excuse and then not see a doctor about it.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Dec 31, 2014 17:21:41 GMT -5
She might be able to cover it all, it will come close, it won't be fun but she just might. She said she grossed 74k ... so that comes to $6,167/month Now depending on if she contributes to her own pension or not and withholding/deductions it will come really close! Well, it's definitely not pretty and I'll probably hate it this year. Maybe I need to get angrier. My net is only $4,200/month, but I get paid bi-weekly, so I can factor in an extra $4,200/year. We usually don't owe much in taxes each year, so I'm guessing I'm having way more withheld and DH not enough. If our income drops significantly, I will have to figure out exemptions better to fix it, which may increase my take-home pay a little. We keep all our money together now - no his and mine accounts or splitting of finances. It slowly got messed up over the years from changing deductions/exceptions. Actually, maybe I should get that cleaned up now. I also may be able to pick up some part-time summer work (I work in the schools). Monthly, I could probably cut groceries by $100 easily, even with school lunches (I haven't been vigilant about cost when grocery shopping). Also, I just freed up another $132/month by changing home insurance and cutting a couple other things. In the summer, there are no childcare expenses, and next fall, it'll drop to $75/month. A worse case scenario (financially speaking) is that this has to carry on long term because he is unemployable due to his depression in which case we'd downsize and use the proceeds (assuming I pay off the second mortgage sometime in mid-2016) to help with living expenses. I am going to talk to him about depression and my concerns. That will be our exciting New Year's plans. I think you are being proactive at looking at your finances. But, what exactly is he doing to help further this thing besides collecting inventory and being online? Not saying he isn't helping, but I am hearing a lot of YOU and you helping his dream, so are there things he is doing beyond this to help your dreams of your family issues so this isn't all on your shoulder?
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Dec 31, 2014 17:31:25 GMT -5
Does he really want to do this? Does he really want to quit his job? I mean deep down. Are you sure that you are just hearing him talk and not pushing him in that direction, when in reality he just wants to get the day off his chest? Not saying you are but take a step back. If you took a step back, would this happen without you? If you weren't helping him along, would he pick up the reigns and do this? If so, then fine. But, if it is you who is really pushing him along from behind, think twice.
There was a period when DH was unemployed. And, I spent a lot of time helping him with cover letters, pushing him to contact companies for interviews, etc. And, then I realized, why am I spending soo much time on this and not him? It wasn't that he wasn't motivated to find a job. He did, but in his own way, where he wanted on his own terms. We have to not do for other people what they can do for themselves. And, letting them do it or not do it and stepping back will tell you where the true motivation lies.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Dec 31, 2014 18:07:40 GMT -5
Except if he up and quits, she's stuck picking up the slack and there's a lot of it.
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Post by Amateur Genealogist on Dec 31, 2014 19:22:25 GMT -5
The inventory is piling up because he doesn't have enough time to get it all listed. It's legitimate backup as far as I can tell from watching him work - I don't think the shopping/listing balance of time seems off. He spends a lot more time working on the listings than he does shopping. It just doesn't take as much time to buy the stuff as it does to get it photographed and write a good listing. He will have to have inventory waiting to be listed no matter how big he decides to grow. He's actually making $19/hour on the stuff he's sold. Sorry. I had that figure wrong from before. That's after fees/shipping supplies, but before taxes . He is only including what has sold in that figure.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 31, 2014 19:29:10 GMT -5
Is he only using funds from what he sells to buy? So, minus taxes it's more like 12 or so an hour...
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justme
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Post by justme on Dec 31, 2014 19:33:50 GMT -5
Yea, uhh I'd probably tell him he can't buy anything new until what he has is gone.
Ask him to calculate the profit once he takes out the cost for all the inventory he has. Does he knew his average turn for inventory?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 31, 2014 19:44:23 GMT -5
Exactly... when he's treating this like a business and all his money is going to more inventory, he actually won't have any positive income.
But he isn't really treating it like a business at this point.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Dec 31, 2014 22:27:46 GMT -5
Hiding behind a computer and in the basement is a form of depression.
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whispering17
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Post by whispering17 on Jan 1, 2015 9:43:27 GMT -5
Has he thought of taking a 60 or 90 day leave of absence from his job to play at Ebay? If his "fun" job fails, he will have a paying job to go back to.
I would make sure most of the bills were handled and paid in full before you might get "stuck" paying for everything after he files for divorce and takes you to the cleaners. ( I hope, for your sake, that is NOT the case)
Red flags have gone up all over on this one for me.
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Jan 1, 2015 11:33:07 GMT -5
The inventory is piling up because he doesn't have enough time to get it all listed. It's legitimate backup as far as I can tell from watching him work - I don't think the shopping/listing balance of time seems off. He spends a lot more time working on the listings than he does shopping. It just doesn't take as much time to buy the stuff as it does to get it photographed and write a good listing. He will have to have inventory waiting to be listed no matter how big he decides to grow. He's actually making $19/hour on the stuff he's sold. Sorry. I had that figure wrong from before. That's after fees/shipping supplies, but before taxes . He is only including what has sold in that figure. I am assuming (hoping) that the $19 figure includes the cost to buy the items that he later sold. It can be easy to look at just the sales records and calculate "profit" forgetting that you had to pay for what you are selling. FWIW, I do know someone that does something similiar, although he is actually repairing broken stuff and selling at a huge profit. He makes about $40k/yr doing it. So it is possible, but not easy or everyone would do it.
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Post by Amateur Genealogist on Jan 1, 2015 16:51:54 GMT -5
He said "at the end of 2015" is when he wants to be ready to quit, but will work part-time somewhere during a transition phase. I'm actually hoping that he will lose interest in eBay for one reason or another or just decide that it's good enough as a side venture and not do it full time.
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