Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Dec 10, 2014 21:22:44 GMT -5
I have no horse in this race, but I do think it's rather crappy that the friend can talk about what she does 9-5 M-F and how hard it is or her future plans etc but because one stays at home during 9-5 M-F they can't complain about what's hard or talk about their future plans of all the future 9-5 time for the rest of their life. I think once you say "you have it easier than I do" you cross the line. Just my opinion, of course. And while I say on it that I believe staying home to be so much easier (having lived both, that is my opinion) I wouldn't say that to a real life friend that stayed home.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Dec 10, 2014 21:23:14 GMT -5
I know I am late to the party and we have moved onto the normal us v them thing - but I have a saying - what people say to you has way, way more to do with what they are going through vs. what you actually just said. Clearly your friend is struggling with time, or money or stress or all of the above. You can reach out to her and not talk about your situation at all - just say "Is everything okay with you?" Maybe she is not telling you the whole story. Very good point.
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justme
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Post by justme on Dec 10, 2014 21:24:16 GMT -5
I have no horse in this race, but I do think it's rather crappy that the friend can talk about what she does 9-5 M-F and how hard it is or her future plans etc but because one stays at home during 9-5 M-F they can't complain about what's hard or talk about their future plans of all the future 9-5 time for the rest of their life. I think once you say "you have it easier than I do" you cross the line. Just my opinion, of course. And while I say on it that I believe staying home to be so much easier (having lived both, that is my opinion) I wouldn't say that to a real life friend that stayed home. True. But the convo seems to have been going pretty bad before that point.
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NastyWoman
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Post by NastyWoman on Dec 10, 2014 21:32:25 GMT -5
I have no horse in this race, but I do think it's rather crappy that the friend can talk about what she does 9-5 M-F and how hard it is or her future plans etc but because one stays at home during 9-5 M-F they can't complain about what's hard or talk about their future plans of all the future 9-5 time for the rest of their life. I think once you say "you have it easier than I do" you cross the line. Just my opinion, of course. And while I say on it that I believe staying home to be so much easier (having lived both, that is my opinion) I wouldn't say that to a real life friend that stayed home. That would be true except for this statement: "... However my friend gets summers off of work and she has been acting truly miserable throughout those summers. Her kids are very difficult for her to handle and she would call me in tears all the time. She is in a career she loves. Quite honestly I think her issue is she wants to be a SAHM with her kids in childcare LOL. I was caught so off guard only because I know how unhappy she was when she was/is home for extended periods with her children. She even talked about getting help (doctors) at one point." Seems like SAHP is only difficult when friend does so... ![](http://syonidv.hodginsmedia.com/vsmileys/idunno.gif)
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Dec 10, 2014 21:34:36 GMT -5
I think once you say "you have it easier than I do" you cross the line. Just my opinion, of course. And while I say on it that I believe staying home to be so much easier (having lived both, that is my opinion) I wouldn't say that to a real life friend that stayed home. True. But the convo seems to have been going pretty bad before that point. Could be.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Dec 10, 2014 21:36:55 GMT -5
I think once you say "you have it easier than I do" you cross the line. Just my opinion, of course. And while I say on it that I believe staying home to be so much easier (having lived both, that is my opinion) I wouldn't say that to a real life friend that stayed home. That would be true except for this statement: "... However my friend gets summers off of work and she has been acting truly miserable throughout those summers. Her kids are very difficult for her to handle and she would call me in tears all the time. She is in a career she loves. Quite honestly I think her issue is she wants to be a SAHM with her kids in childcare LOL. I was caught so off guard only because I know how unhappy she was when she was/is home for extended periods with her children. She even talked about getting help (doctors) at one point." Seems like SAHP is only difficult when friend does so... ![](http://syonidv.hodginsmedia.com/vsmileys/idunno.gif) I don't know. My kids were a handful but I never wished I didn't have them home with me when I was home. Even a bad day with the kids beats a bad day at the office. Again...just my opinion
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imanangel
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Post by imanangel on Dec 11, 2014 0:42:52 GMT -5
If a friend can't have a conversation about her own life without you thinking it's all about you then you need to grow up. Or get help mentally for being a narcissist. If the friend had just lost a baby, and you know that, you obviously wouldn't say anything to upset them. There is no way to know what every person's issue is unless they tell you. If you are so upset about your situation then discuss it. But it doesn't mean the other person can't have their own situations that they want to discuss or their own feelings about said topic. That's bullshit! OMG! Get out of my head, Peace Of Mind Will you be my new BFF? ![](http://syonidv.hodginsmedia.com/vsmileys/pray.gif) Seriously, sometimes I think I am missing the "girl" gene because I just don't understand how some women relate/communicate/talk with each other and I have fairly strong social skills otherwise. Friendship is a give and take. *I* get to bitch today and you offer support. *You* get to bitch tomorrow, and I will return the support you offered today. None of our bitching is a personal attack on the other. (Unless it is, LOL.) How hard can that be ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/huh.gif) I am missing the female gene as well. That is probably why I have more guy friends than female. Guys don't get all butt hurt over every little thing!
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Dec 11, 2014 1:02:28 GMT -5
I wonder if friend's husband, being conservative, still expects this friend to do all the housework and childrearing on her own even though she's working? That would make me cry... That would make me land in jail...just saying. ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/wink.png) Nah. That would make him land in the yard ... under his packed suitcase. ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/wink.png)
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Works4me
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Post by Works4me on Dec 11, 2014 1:37:13 GMT -5
Money on - is it possible that she is concerned about your finances? Does she maybe think that you really should be in the work-force, contributing to your family's financial situation? There are some people that think no matter how much money one has, more is always better. Has she ever commented on your financial situation in a negative way? I ask these questions not to be negative or critical but instead to present an alternative point of view.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Dec 11, 2014 10:36:37 GMT -5
I like to think of myself as a work outside the home mom/employee 9a-5p M-F and a stay at home mom 5p-9a M-F, all weekends, holidays, vacations and maternity leaves. All that non-working time at home or doing stuff with my kids has got to count for something. ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/smiley.png) I've never understood the "bored out of my mind" if not working comments. If they are little and not in school yet, the sky is the limit on all the activities and fun things to do. And, if they are in school, the sky is the limit on all the fun things and special projects you could do while they're gone. And if you're a home school teacher, well- you've got it the hardest. But, at least if you're bored on your own time, you don't have to sit at a desk, wiggling the mouse and watching the clock... That said, I can appreciate that what's easy or stimulating for some is hard or boring for others. Personality and temperament of you and the kids makes a difference. For me, during my time off- it's a lot easier keeping up with everything when it's not squeezed into the limited evening and weekend hours. So, I just smile and nod when somebody tells me how hard it is not working outside the home or how much easier I have it. If it comes up, I enthusiastically agree that I have great kids, a great job and a great life. I'm not sure if that means I'm winning the mompetition or losing. ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/wink.png)
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Dec 11, 2014 11:52:11 GMT -5
I stayed home for a year with my oldest and 4 months with my youngest. I loved it both times. I had a stretch of 6 months between the time I left one firm and went back to my original firm. The kids were older (youngest was going into kindergarten and my oldest was going into 2nd). We had the best summer but within a week of them heading to school I was bored out of my mind. There is only so much cleaning, exercising and cooking one can do. They started school in September and I was back to work by November. Not because being a SAHM was so difficult but because without the kids home there was nothing to do. See, this, I don't understand so much. You have no hobbies? No outside interests? No desire to volunteer or help others? That, honestly, surprises me. When the littlest goes to school full time, I expect DH to spend some time reading 5 years of magazines he's not gotten to, books he's been given and had no time to read, and start engaging in his hobbies again. I will also expect that he takes over more of the volunteer at school commitments and take over more of the drs/dentist/ortho appointment shuttling around. ETA: My list of things I want to do is like a mile long. Work really puts a crimp in my hobbies/interests.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Dec 11, 2014 14:20:53 GMT -5
I stayed home for a year with my oldest and 4 months with my youngest. I loved it both times. I had a stretch of 6 months between the time I left one firm and went back to my original firm. The kids were older (youngest was going into kindergarten and my oldest was going into 2nd). We had the best summer but within a week of them heading to school I was bored out of my mind. There is only so much cleaning, exercising and cooking one can do. They started school in September and I was back to work by November. Not because being a SAHM was so difficult but because without the kids home there was nothing to do. See, this, I don't understand so much. You have no hobbies? No outside interests? No desire to volunteer or help others? That, honestly, surprises me. When the littlest goes to school full time, I expect DH to spend some time reading 5 years of magazines he's not gotten to, books he's been given and had no time to read, and start engaging in his hobbies again. I will also expect that he takes over more of the volunteer at school commitments and take over more of the drs/dentist/ortho appointment shuttling around. ETA: My list of things I want to do is like a mile long. Work really puts a crimp in my hobbies/interests. I have hobbies...not 50 - 60 hours worth of hobbies. I honestly don't know what people do all day long...but I'm a Type A so maybe it is my personality
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 11, 2014 14:29:14 GMT -5
See, this, I don't understand so much. You have no hobbies? No outside interests? No desire to volunteer or help others? That, honestly, surprises me. When the littlest goes to school full time, I expect DH to spend some time reading 5 years of magazines he's not gotten to, books he's been given and had no time to read, and start engaging in his hobbies again. I will also expect that he takes over more of the volunteer at school commitments and take over more of the drs/dentist/ortho appointment shuttling around. ETA: My list of things I want to do is like a mile long. Work really puts a crimp in my hobbies/interests. I have hobbies...not 50 - 60 hours worth of hobbies. I honestly don't know what people do all day long...but I'm a Type A so maybe it is my personality
I could easily fill 50-60 hours a week with things I like/want to do. But, I'm one that can spend all day working outside in the garden or reading a book.
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swasat
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Post by swasat on Dec 11, 2014 14:35:56 GMT -5
I have hobbies...not 50 - 60 hours worth of hobbies. I honestly don't know what people do all day long...but I'm a Type A so maybe it is my personality
I could easily fill 50-60 hours a week with things I like/want to do. But, I'm one that can spend all day working outside in the garden or reading a book. I can too....but I think what Miss Tequila is saying is that doing the same kind of things over and over again would become tedious. For HER. I find household chores to be very mundane. I can see where she is coming from. I have a ton of hobbies too but I cannot seriously see myself crocheting daily, gardening daily, reading a book daily, doing needlework daily, taking a hike daily...... Hobbies, to me, are just that, hobbies. To be done in leisure time when the mood strikes.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Dec 11, 2014 14:41:59 GMT -5
I have hobbies...not 50 - 60 hours worth of hobbies. I honestly don't know what people do all day long...but I'm a Type A so maybe it is my personality
They can do whatever they want and hopefully it's something that makes them happy. But, I suspect no stay at home mom actually has 50-60 hours/week of time to fill up. If they are school age, they still have to get the kids up, fed and to school, probably handle follow-up with school activities, after school activities, homework activities, appointments, getting them from school and to whatever other activities. I'm guessing a SAHP might have 5-6 hours/day, if that- to work with and maybe only 1-2 hours once all the other responsibilities are handled. That's only enough time to get in a good work out and eat something. The only people who might actually have 50-60 hours/week to work with are either voluntarily or involuntarily unemployed with no children.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 11, 2014 14:51:29 GMT -5
I could easily fill 50-60 hours a week with things I like/want to do. But, I'm one that can spend all day working outside in the garden or reading a book. I can too....but I think what Miss Tequila is saying is that doing the same kind of things over and over again would become tedious. For HER. I find household chores to be very mundane. I can see where she is coming from. I have a ton of hobbies too but I cannot seriously see myself crocheting daily, gardening daily, reading a book daily, doing needlework daily, taking a hike daily...... Hobbies, to me, are just that, hobbies. To be done in leisure time when the mood strikes. Right, but if you have lots of hobbies, or a long to-do list around the house, then you're not doing the same thing every day. I was home for 3 years with my oldest, and I don't recall boredom ever being an issue. But, I'm one that can go for days and days without seeing another human being and not care.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Dec 11, 2014 15:00:51 GMT -5
I have hobbies...not 50 - 60 hours worth of hobbies. I honestly don't know what people do all day long...but I'm a Type A so maybe it is my personality
They can do whatever they want and hopefully it's something that makes them happy. But, I suspect no stay at home mom actually has 50-60 hours/week of time to fill up. If they are school age, they still have to get the kids up, fed and to school, probably handle follow-up with school activities, after school activities, homework activities, appointments, getting them from school and to whatever other activities. I'm guessing a SAHP might have 5-6 hours/day, if that- to work with and maybe only 1-2 hours once all the other responsibilities are handled. That's only enough time to get in a good work out and eat something. The only people who might actually have 50-60 hours/week to work with are either voluntarily or involuntarily unemployed with no children. My sister is a SAHM to 3 school age kids. The oldest 2 are in high school and that is just far enough away that she drives them everyday (the kids walk to Elementary school and Jr. High). She typically get back around 8:30 from dropping the kids off at school. Then she writes for a couple hours (she's a published romance writer, nothing to make a living on, but she's had over a dozen books published). Then she does her chores for the day - cleaning, laundry, yard work, cooking. THen she gets the kids - makes sure they are doing homework (there was an issue with that a couple years ago). They have activities that get shuffled around all evening. THen rinse and repeat. All 3 have ortho appointments today and then the youngest has choir concert tonight.
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Mardi Gras Audrey
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Post by Mardi Gras Audrey on Dec 11, 2014 15:49:41 GMT -5
I don't have any kids (so no dog in the fight) but I admire people who can be stay at home parents. I was at home for a few weeks between graduating school and finding a job and found myself doing pretty much nothing (Watched a lot of daytime TV though ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/tongue.png)   ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/wink.png) . The house was still a wreck (could have been spotless) and I didn't have motivation. What made it worse was I am naturally a night owl so I would be staying up all night then sleeping til 2 then watching tV. Coupled with the fact that I am an introvert (but one who gets depressed without some interaction(Does that make sense?)), staying at home allowed me to see no people and become depressed. I found working gives me enough people exposure to keep the depression away but not so much that it overwhelms the introvert in me (At work, we have a tasks to focus on and can just small talk a little).
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Dec 11, 2014 15:53:13 GMT -5
I have hobbies...not 50 - 60 hours worth of hobbies. I honestly don't know what people do all day long...but I'm a Type A so maybe it is my personality
I could easily fill 50-60 hours a week with things I like/want to do. But, I'm one that can spend all day working outside in the garden or reading a book. I can for a few days...then I go stir crazy. Like I said, it is just my personality. I'm a people person so I would go insane if I was just home by myself all day long, every day.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Dec 11, 2014 15:54:12 GMT -5
I could easily fill 50-60 hours a week with things I like/want to do. But, I'm one that can spend all day working outside in the garden or reading a book. I can too....but I think what Miss Tequila is saying is that doing the same kind of things over and over again would become tedious. For HER. I find household chores to be very mundane. I can see where she is coming from. I have a ton of hobbies too but I cannot seriously see myself crocheting daily, gardening daily, reading a book daily, doing needlework daily, taking a hike daily...... Hobbies, to me, are just that, hobbies. To be done in leisure time when the mood strikes. That is exactly what I was saying.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Dec 11, 2014 15:55:13 GMT -5
I can too....but I think what Miss Tequila is saying is that doing the same kind of things over and over again would become tedious. For HER. I find household chores to be very mundane. I can see where she is coming from. I have a ton of hobbies too but I cannot seriously see myself crocheting daily, gardening daily, reading a book daily, doing needlework daily, taking a hike daily...... Hobbies, to me, are just that, hobbies. To be done in leisure time when the mood strikes. Right, but if you have lots of hobbies, or a long to-do list around the house, then you're not doing the same thing every day. I was home for 3 years with my oldest, and I don't recall boredom ever being an issue. But, I'm one that can go for days and days without seeing another human being and not care. If I'm home with my kids I am fine. I loved being with the kids and we had all kinds of activities everyday...but being home alone everyday would drive me nuts
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 11, 2014 15:56:20 GMT -5
I wish sometimes I could be home by myself all day every day...or at least two days in a row... Ok, one day, I'll take one day...
Your understanding of life of a SAH person and the actual SAH persons I know vary significantly...
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Dec 11, 2014 16:03:06 GMT -5
I wish sometimes I could be home by myself all day every day...or at least two days in a row... Ok, one day, I'll take one day... Your understanding of life of a SAH person and the actual SAH persons I know vary significantly... I WAS a SAH person. Perhaps it is because I am not surrounded by a bunch of other SAH persons. Most of my friends are professionals who work a lot of hours. When my kids went to school I felt isolated. I am a people person so I found sitting home everyday to be incredibly boring. My house was spotless, dinner was cooked, I exercised but there wasn't much else to do.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 11, 2014 16:08:19 GMT -5
I could easily fill 50-60 hours a week with things I like/want to do. But, I'm one that can spend all day working outside in the garden or reading a book. I can for a few days...then I go stir crazy. Like I said, it is just my personality. I'm a people person so I would go insane if I was just home by myself all day long, every day. Yeah, that would make a difference. My Mom is the same way. I'm like my brother. He moved to a remote cabin in Alaska where in the winter it can be a month or more between trips to town for supplies and seeing another human. He's been there 3 years and says he's happier than he's ever been in his life.
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AgeOfEnlightenmentSCP
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Post by AgeOfEnlightenmentSCP on Dec 11, 2014 16:26:14 GMT -5
I hope you'll forgive me for not reading all 5 pages of this thread. I just want to say that I don't like the thread title because I've stopped using the term SAHM, and replaced it with FULL TIME mom / dad. I just feel its time to be honest and admit that there are two kinds of parent- full time, and part time. Some parents choose to work full time and parent part time, and others choose to work part time and/or not work and parent full time. ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/wink.png)
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 11, 2014 16:33:11 GMT -5
I wish sometimes I could be home by myself all day every day...or at least two days in a row... Ok, one day, I'll take one day... Your understanding of life of a SAH person and the actual SAH persons I know vary significantly... I WAS a SAH person. Perhaps it is because I am not surrounded by a bunch of other SAH persons. Most of my friends are professionals who work a lot of hours. When my kids went to school I felt isolated. I am a people person so I found sitting home everyday to be incredibly boring. My house was spotless, dinner was cooked, I exercised but there wasn't much else to do. I guess I'm just different. I don't see the 'at home' part of the label as mandatory. Not working for $ describes me better I guess ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/smiley.png) ... I'd never just sit home if I was bored, but I wouldn't assume the only alternative was full time work for pay.
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Dec 11, 2014 16:49:13 GMT -5
I don't have any kids (so no dog in the fight) but I admire people who can be stay at home parents. I was at home for a few weeks between graduating school and finding a job and found myself doing pretty much nothing (Watched a lot of daytime TV though ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/wink.png) . The house was still a wreck (could have been spotless) and I didn't have motivation. What made it worse was I am naturally a night owl so I would be staying up all night then sleeping til 2 then watching tV. Coupled with the fact that I am an introvert (but one who gets depressed without some interaction(Does that make sense?)), staying at home allowed me to see no people and become depressed. I found working gives me enough people exposure to keep the depression away but not so much that it overwhelms the introvert in me (At work, we have a tasks to focus on and can just small talk a little). Absolutely this. I lack internal motivation without some sort of required schedule. So I will sit on my ass in my pajamas watching TV all day even if my list of things to do is miles long. And because I lack motivation & because I am shy, I won't get out and socialize, which is depressing & lonely. I need to work some to get my ass in gear & get stuff done. I would be happier if I could get by working 20 hours per week, but that's life.
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Dec 11, 2014 16:52:45 GMT -5
I hope you'll forgive me for not reading all 5 pages of this thread. I just want to say that I don't like the thread title because I've stopped using the term SAHM, and replaced it with FULL TIME mom / dad. I just feel its time to be honest and admit that there are two kinds of parent- full time, and part time. Some parents choose to work full time and parent part time, and others choose to work part time and/or not work and parent full time. ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/wink.png)
Well that is just insulting BS. Since I am still the one that leaves work for doctors appointments, sick kids, field trips, holidays, school events, etc...then I'm going to not opt to call myself a part-time part. I am always a parents & always on-call, my kids just might be in school a few more hours of the day than yours on average.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 11, 2014 16:59:27 GMT -5
Nobody loves the Grammar Police but as someone else has mentioned, there is no need for apostrophes here. You are talking about SAHMs or Working Moms, in the PLURAL. Plurals don't take apostrophes, possessives do.
Sorry, but I can't help it. Word Crimes and all that LOL.
ETA: Moneymom, FYI, you can edit your OP.
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Formerly SK
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Post by Formerly SK on Dec 11, 2014 17:07:51 GMT -5
I wish sometimes I could be home by myself all day every day...or at least two days in a row... Ok, one day, I'll take one day... Your understanding of life of a SAH person and the actual SAH persons I know vary significantly... I WAS a SAH person. Perhaps it is because I am not surrounded by a bunch of other SAH persons. Most of my friends are professionals who work a lot of hours. When my kids went to school I felt isolated. I am a people person so I found sitting home everyday to be incredibly boring. My house was spotless, dinner was cooked, I exercised but there wasn't much else to do. What will you do when you retire? I think it's a bit sad that you couldn't come with half a dozen things to do during the few hours your kids were at school.
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