Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Dec 15, 2014 18:53:36 GMT -5
t-dog...when you least expect it, good things just may come your way.
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t-dog
Senior Member
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Post by t-dog on Dec 15, 2014 18:55:01 GMT -5
Tennesseer- that is exactly how this all started!
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dannylion
Junior Associate
Gravity is a harsh mistress
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Location: Miles over the madness horizon and accelerating
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Post by dannylion on Dec 15, 2014 18:58:36 GMT -5
You'll be fine, t-dog. You deserve to be treated well; you don't need to settle for less.
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Deleted
Joined: Oct 11, 2024 8:26:32 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Dec 15, 2014 19:06:21 GMT -5
@ezzie - maybe because this is the first guy I have dated since DH died my gut doesn't know how to read the signals. Dig deep, girl!!!
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t-dog
Senior Member
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Post by t-dog on Dec 15, 2014 19:13:08 GMT -5
I am trying @ezzie.
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milee
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Post by milee on Dec 15, 2014 20:15:05 GMT -5
I'm sorry this guy was such a jerk.
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Tennesseer
Member Emeritus
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Post by Tennesseer on Dec 15, 2014 20:27:28 GMT -5
Tennesseer- that is exactly how this all started! There is always more than one apple on the tree worth picking. Hang in there.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 15, 2014 21:14:29 GMT -5
Thanks techguy - I do get it logically as I said previously. That said it doesn't make it any easier to accept emotionally. The emotion you should be feeling right now is pissed off. Anyway, think of this guy as a good practice date.
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ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ
Community Leader
♡ ♡ BᏋՆᎥᏋᏉᏋ ♡ ♡
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Favorite Drink: Chilled White Zin
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Post by ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ on Dec 15, 2014 21:43:00 GMT -5
I'm still holding out for the next "Mr Right" since my DH passed away. I've dated, had long-term (more than a year) relationships, but I'm not willing to "settle" if everything doesn't mesh or if there are signals/red flags that indicate someone who's not fully into a permanent deal or a committed relationship.
I also won't be walked-over. If someone only wants a casual relationship, at least be up-front about it from the get-go, and don't waste someone's time leaving them hanging. I can do casual, but at least be honest if that's what it's going to be.
If someone can't be bothered to get in touch if plans change, don't waste my time & expect me to wait around sitting by the phone. Ain't gonna happen.
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NastyWoman
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Post by NastyWoman on Dec 15, 2014 21:43:02 GMT -5
t-dog does his behavior measure up to your DH's? Not asking whether he is the same/similar to your late DH but does he show you the same respect? If not, he's not worth it and there is someone who has to love you more than this jerk - far more - and that person is you. Being alone is not fun, but being disrespected and ignored in a relationship is far worse. Take care of yourself and this jerk.
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t-dog
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Post by t-dog on Dec 15, 2014 21:50:43 GMT -5
Xmas- since husband dive head first into a bottle no this one is nothing like him. I was in process of divorce when husband died.
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t-dog
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Post by t-dog on Dec 15, 2014 21:51:46 GMT -5
Later, I don't feel pissed off but rather very sad.
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msventoux
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Post by msventoux on Dec 15, 2014 22:06:25 GMT -5
Welcome to the wonderful world of dating. It may get better. It may get worse. But it's not a reflection on your worth as a person.
There's a ton of jerks out there. Personally, from experience, it's not better to put up with a jerk in hopes he'll see the light. The jerk has no need to change since he's getting what he wants and your self-esteem takes a tumble because you're settling for less than you deserve.
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NastyWoman
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Post by NastyWoman on Dec 15, 2014 22:14:00 GMT -5
Xmas- since husband dive head first into a bottle no this one is nothing like him. I was in process of divorce when husband died. Sorry to hear that about LH (Late Hubby), but with this one you can save yourself "the process". There is a total lack of respect for you and that is while he is sober!
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justme
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Post by justme on Dec 15, 2014 22:33:58 GMT -5
Bad things come when you least expect it too, but you just have to use it to perfect your ass kicking skills.
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t-dog
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Post by t-dog on Dec 15, 2014 22:48:44 GMT -5
Lol justme, guess I need to go all ninja, but just not quite there yet, still at the sad stage. Logically I know the whole hoots kiss a bunch of frogs before finding prince charming. Still doesn't make it easier to acknowledge that the frog is a frog.
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justme
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Post by justme on Dec 15, 2014 23:05:04 GMT -5
I feel you. I definitely haven't always been so quick to go ninja. Especially after getting attached to the guy. I'd like to think I'm better but it's been a while since I've gone on a date.
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Dec 16, 2014 0:09:18 GMT -5
Oh, boogery crap. (yes, I just made up that phrase just for you, t-dog.   This is not a healthy path to go down, not just for you, but for your son. This is not how you want to teach him how he should treat his potential partners. You deserve to be treated respectfully and your son needs to learn what that looks like. Put this guy's phone number in your blocked caller settings. Time to move on. You will find someone, just not this week. Hugs.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 16, 2014 2:03:42 GMT -5
This one just your practice run. Two more and then you will be ready for right guy who appreciate you best. Always something to learn about yourself from practice runs.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 16, 2014 9:29:09 GMT -5
Oh, boogery crap. (yes, I just made up that phrase just for you, t-dog. This is not a healthy path to go down, not just for you, but for your son. This is not how you want to teach him how he should treat his potential partners. You deserve to be treated respectfully and your son needs to learn what that looks like. Put this guy's phone number in your blocked caller settings. Time to move on. You will find someone, just not this week. Hugs. Really good points!!!!!!
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Wisconsin Beth
Distinguished Associate
No, we don't walk away. But when we're holding on to something precious, we run.
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Dec 16, 2014 9:40:50 GMT -5
t-dog, the hard truth is that if he was interested in you and wanted to spend time with you, he would make time to do so, no games, no disappearing with no explanation, no making a date and then not showing up. He would be the one making the effort to see you and making the time to see you. He would not seek you out only when he didn't have anything else to do that he found more interesting. It is not that you are not interesting or worth someone's time, it is that he is not worth your time.
I think this is one of those cases where past performance is, in fact, an indicator of future performance. You can probably expect more of the same if you continue to pursue a relationship with him. He has shown you what he is and how he values you. You need to decide whether you will accept that.
I think you deserve better. I'm wondering what would happen if T-dog left planning up to him. I know measuring isn't a good way to have a healthy relationship but I look at this and wonder - does he plan things? Ask t-dog to dinner, a movie, whatever? And t-dog, I'm really sorry you're hurting.
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wanttofire
Initiate Member
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Post by wanttofire on Dec 16, 2014 13:04:28 GMT -5
Ahh I do not miss dating. I would stay married just so that I don't have to date again. LOL. You know what to do, you know he's not worth your time. Your heart will tell you different or maybe not your heart but the "hope" that maybe its meant to work out. Knowing what I know, he's a loser. When you like someone you can't stop thinking about that person.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 16, 2014 19:15:40 GMT -5
Not having dated in a while is not really a big deal. There is more to life and many people have very happy productive lives without it.
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Dec 16, 2014 19:37:19 GMT -5
@backtobbq it took so long for there to be a first time that I guess I question if there is to be a next time. Logically I know there will be, but the heart doesn't necessarily agree with the brain right now. Oh sweetie, it's not you. You really do deserve better. Trust me on this one.
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kittensaver
Junior Associate
We cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love. - Mother Teresa
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Post by kittensaver on Dec 16, 2014 19:53:18 GMT -5
Thanks plugginaway - I need to build up more confidence to believe that there is in fact someone out there for me. t-dog! There is TOTALLY someone WONDERFUL out there for you! You just have to remember (or possibly re-learn?) that dating is a "numbers game" - pure and simple. Yeah it's hard sometimes to put yourself out there, but more guys you try out the better your chances of finding the right one
Because I'm a gardener, I liken it to thinning seedlings in a vegetable plot: you plant at least three seeds in each hole because it greatly increases your chances of getting seedlings/sprouts. But when more than one seedling comes up, at some point you will need to pull out (or snip off) the weakest plant(s) in order to let the strongest one thrive. And you have to be non-emotional/non-sentimental about it. Three plants are NOT going to survive (let alone thrive) in the same spot. If you're not a least a little ruthless about thinning you will never get a food crop.
Dating is the same way. Sometimes ya gotta be ruthless (I prefer to called it Clear-Eyed or Focused on a Goal) when weeding through potential dates in order to find the good one. But how are you going to find the good one unless you scatter your interest far and wide, and work your way through the weeds (and the weak seedlings)? And if you put yourself out there, unfortunately you will find plenty of weakling seedlings and obnoxious weeds.
I KNOW you were hoping he wasn't a weed I know you were hoping he was a seedling that was going to grow and thrive. Sorry it didn't turn out that way So go ahead and be a little ruthless and snip him off - unsentimentally He is merely a lesson along the path to the Right Guy. It's not you - it's him. Trust me.
I'm cheering for you, t-dog!
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plugginaway22
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Post by plugginaway22 on Dec 17, 2014 7:07:51 GMT -5
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 17, 2014 10:29:59 GMT -5
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billisonboard
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Post by billisonboard on Dec 17, 2014 10:32:41 GMT -5
My favorite is "don't settle". As if some one isn't settling for you. (Those who are absolutely perfect are of course exempt from this.)
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kittensaver
Junior Associate
We cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love. - Mother Teresa
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Post by kittensaver on Dec 17, 2014 10:47:09 GMT -5
I got this routine repeatedly. Also - the old saw 'when you stop looking, love will find you'. Well - I stopped looking 15 years ago, so far, nothing's happening. But I really see all this "some wonderful is out there" presented as a certainty - it's just an extension of the cinderella/snow white/waiting on prince charming to save the day. Well excuuuuuuuuuuuuse me, but since when does encouraging t-dog by telling her there's a good guy out there for her (because there absolutely IS ONE, if she wants one and looks long enough) tantamount to spouting some unrealistic prince charming fairy tale There are plenty of good men out there that have *nothing* to do with sugar-coated fantasies. As a matter of fact, there are plenty of good hearted, honest, hard-working, caring men who complain that they can't find a "good" woman because all they run into are gold-diggers, narcissists, social-climbing drama queens, drug users, etc etc, Men have the exact same complains about women, yanno . Just because you haven't found someone doesn't mean t-dog won't. Sorry.
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kittensaver
Junior Associate
We cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love. - Mother Teresa
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Post by kittensaver on Dec 17, 2014 10:58:18 GMT -5
Well excuuuuuuuuuuuuse me, but since when does encouraging t-dog by telling her there's a good guy out there for her ( because there absolutely IS ONE, if she wants one and looks long enough) tantamount to spouting some unrealistic prince charming fairy tale Yes - and Pinocchio will absolutely be a real boy one day if he is good enough and tries hard enough. I am sincerely sorry to hear that life and relationships are such a downer for you
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