Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Dec 15, 2014 16:14:25 GMT -5
yes, clearly accepting an invitation and then going underground is inconsiderate. Not responding to a text that basically said something along the lines of missed seeing you tonight, everything OK is inconsiderate. Woah...So you even followed up with a text after the missed meal & he didn't respond? Guy is a douche. Move on & don't look back. I'm really sorry it didn't work out, but you deserve so much better to be left hanging like that (several times?). It might take time, but eventually you will find someone that will be awesome & that will communicate & apologize profusely if they ever missed a date like that.
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HoneyBBQ
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Post by HoneyBBQ on Dec 15, 2014 16:22:12 GMT -5
What an asshole. Better luck next time.
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t-dog
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Post by t-dog on Dec 15, 2014 16:22:56 GMT -5
and while reading this thread guess who texts....sheesh. No apology but he did confirm he was at work and crazy busy all weekend.
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t-dog
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Post by t-dog on Dec 15, 2014 16:24:35 GMT -5
@backtobbq it took so long for there to be a first time that I guess I question if there is to be a next time. Logically I know there will be, but the heart doesn't necessarily agree with the brain right now.
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resolution
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Post by resolution on Dec 15, 2014 16:25:58 GMT -5
He's on his best behavior while he is courting you, so this is his best. If you establish that you will keep seeing him after he has behaved like this, it will go further downhill.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 15, 2014 16:27:06 GMT -5
@ t-dog - DON'T SETTLE! There are worse things than being alone.
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t-dog
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Post by t-dog on Dec 15, 2014 16:29:19 GMT -5
I know logically you all are right but that doesn't make it easier to accept.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Dec 15, 2014 16:33:23 GMT -5
No apology but he did confirm he was at work and crazy busy all weekend
I see people on their phones EVERYWHERE. There are plenty of times he could have stopped to text you. You didn't require he write a novel. Typing "Talk ltr" takes 20 seconds.
I have a feeling he's keeping his options open. He texts you when one of his other options doesn't work out.
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techguy
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Post by techguy on Dec 15, 2014 16:34:05 GMT -5
Maybe he's just not into you, t-dog?
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t-dog
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Post by t-dog on Dec 15, 2014 16:36:19 GMT -5
yep don't need a novel, just a quick text suffices. Like I said, logically I know you all are right - but still hard to accept. I am trying my best here but its a crappy time of year for me.
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t-dog
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Post by t-dog on Dec 15, 2014 16:37:19 GMT -5
Thanks techguy - I do get it logically as I said previously. That said it doesn't make it any easier to accept emotionally.
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Dec 15, 2014 16:37:52 GMT -5
@backtobbq it took so long for there to be a first time that I guess I question if there is to be a next time. Logically I know there will be, but the heart doesn't necessarily agree with the brain right now. The best idea would probably just be to let him go. He has shown he doesn't have enough respect to say he is sorry or to let you know he is going to miss a planned date.
But, if you aren't going to stop seeing him over this (because sometimes the heart wins), then call him out on his behavior right now. Don't wait for the right time or to talk in person. He treated you like crap, do not let it slide. Send him a text saying that it is incredibly disrespectful to miss a date without a word, regardless of how busy he has been. His response will tell you everything you need to know about him.
The fact you haven't received an apology for what happened should probably already tell you everything you need to know. But just in case you felt the need to respond, don't be nice or pretend nothing is wrong.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Dec 15, 2014 16:38:58 GMT -5
Unless he's an ER doctor who was somehow forced into working a 72-hour shift, there is zero excuse to miss a Thursday dinner and then not text about it until Monday. ESPECIALLY with no apology! I'd chew him out and delete his number. But I do understand that it's hard to make your heart accept what your brain already knows. And I'm sorry about the anniversary of your husband's death. That has to be tough, especially around the holidays.
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Dec 15, 2014 16:44:08 GMT -5
No apology but he did confirm he was at work and crazy busy all weekendI see people on their phones EVERYWHERE. There are plenty of times he could have stopped to text you. You didn't require he write a novel. Typing "Talk ltr" takes 20 seconds. I have a feeling he's keeping his options open. He texts you when one of his other options doesn't work out. Honestly, I would be more worried he is being manipulative or worse, trying to pull some sort of con. If you can find a woman that forgives you over & over for being a complete jerk, then they are probably desperate. Then I assume he knows you are a widow, which probably makes for an easier target in general. Find someone desperate enough that they overlook being treated like shit & they will probably do anything for you...like loan you money when you fall on hard times.
Maybe that is really jaded & far-fetched, but I don't believe anyone is too busy (or too stupid) that they don't send a text that they can't make dinner. There is something more going on. Whether it is multiple women or something worse, something is off by his behavior.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Dec 15, 2014 16:46:46 GMT -5
Oh Sweetie, you deserve so much better than the way he is treating you! Like someone said earlier, the early dating years is when it is supposed to be awesome...he can't treat you like shit until you are married (yes, I'm a little jaded!lol). him and move on...it is better to be alone than to be mistreated
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t-dog
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Post by t-dog on Dec 15, 2014 16:52:09 GMT -5
Thanks all. I'm trying to be logical about it all, just difficult where emotions are concerned.
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justme
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Post by justme on Dec 15, 2014 16:53:15 GMT -5
Ugh, my ex did stuff like that. News flash, he'd be on good behavior for a few weeks after I chewed him out than reverted to his old behavior.
I'm well lost of that child, though it seems he might be treating his next gf better...or one or the other is desperate.
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Dec 15, 2014 17:10:22 GMT -5
I'm a bit confused. If you invited him to dinner on Thursday to show up on Friday why did you text him instead of call him?
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souldoubt
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Post by souldoubt on Dec 15, 2014 17:13:57 GMT -5
Do yourself a favor and just move on. I realize it's emotional but not sure what else you need to see out of him. If you drag it out he'll give you excuses and/or say he'll work on things but you're holding onto something you've built up in your head as being better than it is. No matter how busy someone is if they're interested enough in someone they can make time.
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t-dog
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Post by t-dog on Dec 15, 2014 17:18:15 GMT -5
I am sure you are right souldoubt and I appreciate the perspective from everyone.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Dec 15, 2014 17:25:04 GMT -5
Move on! Don't look back! To my recollection, you haven't been seeing each other that long. So it's not like you are really invested in the guy. And if you think that putting up with that crap is in any way better than being alone, you need to be alone for a bit to work on you. You can't expect someone to love you if you don't love yourself. Sounds carpy right now, but it's best for you.
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t-dog
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Post by t-dog on Dec 15, 2014 17:26:54 GMT -5
@andi been seeing him since July. I know logically that I deserve to be treated better, but as I have said, emotionally its more difficult since I have been alone in terms of love interest for 5 years now and I have had quite enough of the alone time.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Dec 15, 2014 17:40:15 GMT -5
@andi been seeing him since July. I know logically that I deserve to be treated better, but as I have said, emotionally its more difficult since I have been alone in terms of love interest for 5 years now and I have had quite enough of the alone time. Are you against the idea of having a "friends with benefits" situation? Or are you looking for a long term relationship? I have been single for years and have a man who "meets a need" for me and then goes home. I don't want a relationship any time soon, so it works for me. I love being single! This situation is not for everyone, but maybe it will do until you find the right one for you.
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Dec 15, 2014 17:54:32 GMT -5
I just skimmed the beginning of the vent dating thread from July. If this is the same guy he's been showing t-dog from day one this is how he is.
The question should not be why is he the way he is. The question to be answered IMO is if this behavior is acceptable or not to t-dog, whether she's been alone for 1, 5, 10 or even 20 years?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 15, 2014 18:12:17 GMT -5
You all have been giving exceptional advice!!!! I dated many men after my divorce. I was a magnet for con artists, men that really cared nothing for me, men with emotional problems and just general creeps. I made a lot of excuses for their shortcomings. I shudder to think what would have happened if I had ended up with one of them. Certainly not in the content space or as financially secure place I am in now. My gut feelings saved me, but not before some heart break. What does your gut tell you, t-dog?
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t-dog
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Post by t-dog on Dec 15, 2014 18:32:58 GMT -5
@ezzie - maybe because this is the first guy I have dated since DH died my gut doesn't know how to read the signals.
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plugginaway22
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Post by plugginaway22 on Dec 15, 2014 18:39:05 GMT -5
How awful that he is treating you this way. No one deserves that. Please listen to everyone here and ditch him! There is someone else out there who is right for you!
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t-dog
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Post by t-dog on Dec 15, 2014 18:49:11 GMT -5
Thanks plugginaway - I need to build up more confidence to believe that there is in fact someone out there for me.
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dannylion
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Post by dannylion on Dec 15, 2014 18:49:56 GMT -5
t-dog, the hard truth is that if he was interested in you and wanted to spend time with you, he would make time to do so, no games, no disappearing with no explanation, no making a date and then not showing up. He would be the one making the effort to see you and making the time to see you. He would not seek you out only when he didn't have anything else to do that he found more interesting. It is not that you are not interesting or worth someone's time, it is that he is not worth your time.
I think this is one of those cases where past performance is, in fact, an indicator of future performance. You can probably expect more of the same if you continue to pursue a relationship with him. He has shown you what he is and how he values you. You need to decide whether you will accept that.
I think you deserve better.
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t-dog
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Post by t-dog on Dec 15, 2014 18:50:49 GMT -5
Thanks Dannylion. I am working on it.
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