zibazinski
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Wedding
Nov 15, 2014 23:21:24 GMT -5
Post by zibazinski on Nov 15, 2014 23:21:24 GMT -5
Some of you know DFs bio is getting married next year. A platinum wedding. To the tune of over 50k. She came and told us she registered so we had a look at her list. Mind you, she is inviting over 250 people and that's her A list. She has registered for 26 items exactly. In other words, she wants cash. DF is mortified and I'm laughing my ass off. He totally blames her classless mother but thinks bio should know better because she was raised better. It's not like either of them have a house or anything or even have lived together to have that stuff already. She lives in an apt with a roommate and he lives with mommy and daddy. So this is how they plan to pay for their wedding? Honeymoon? Macy's has a cute thing called their DREAM FUND. I asked what was it about? Donate money. It's true, money does not buy class.
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busymom
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Post by busymom on Nov 15, 2014 23:25:24 GMT -5
I'm thinking you'll have to give us a full report on the wedding, like Carl did on his relative's wedding.
I feel badly for your DF. He must feel SO embarrassed! (Wasn't there a story recently on how the more you spend on a wedding, the less likely it is to last? Maybe print up a copy & send it to the bride...)
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Nov 15, 2014 23:58:49 GMT -5
Damn, I thought you were posting pics from YOUR wedding!!
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ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ
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Post by ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ on Nov 16, 2014 0:27:24 GMT -5
When did weddings become so out of hand elaborate, with high expectations of an elaborate ceremony, lavish gifts, and a party that lasts a few hours - with someone else footing the bill?
Most "material" brides/couples who expect their family and friends to fund their over-the-top lifestyle dream end up divorced, a couple of years after the big event.
I guess the tradition of a marriage has gone from a joining of two people in love, to who can put on the biggest show and reap the biggest treasure.
All I needed for my wedding was some simple planning, a pretty gown that I'd only wear once anyway, 3 bridesmaids whose dresses were created by a seamstress neighbor, rented tuxes for groom/groomsmen, a cake, flowers, and a catered dinner/reception. We got gifts we could actually use from the guests (as well as shower gifts for the smaller items), and more than a few cash gifts (Ukrainian wedding).
Lately it has to be as lavish and expensive as a grand ball at the Palace of Versailles - usually ending in failure - all done for show.
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NastyWoman
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Post by NastyWoman on Nov 16, 2014 0:30:30 GMT -5
I hope bio brat is prepared for receiving 225 toasters That's what I would give in case of such a glaring money grab!
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msventoux
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Post by msventoux on Nov 16, 2014 0:34:23 GMT -5
In theory they only do it once, so it must be showy to be memorable. However, I've known of a couple of bridezillas who are on #2 and above that thinks that each of their newer weddings should top their previous weddings. One is from a pretty rich family, but the other one is in debt above her eyeballs. Strangely enough I wasn't invited to the third wedding when I told her that she really should marry richer guys so she'd net enough from the divorce to pay off her debts and fully fund the next wedding.
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quince
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Post by quince on Nov 16, 2014 1:07:16 GMT -5
My husband and I registered for nothing, and were not expecting cash. We even advised those who asked that all we needed was well-wishes.
My husband's brother and his wife actually DID put "contribute to our house fund in lieu of purchasing registry gifts" on a website for their wedding- unless she has done that, I fail to see how this is a problem. I think it's BETTER not to make a wish list of things you want other people to buy you.
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Peace Of Mind
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Wedding
Nov 16, 2014 1:17:17 GMT -5
Post by Peace Of Mind on Nov 16, 2014 1:17:17 GMT -5
Ha! I thought you finally picked a date! We just got back from a wedding. It was at the Bella Collina in Montverde, FL. Holy cow was that place spectacular! I believe it started out at $40K and it kept getting higher until the final day and my bestie is the mother of the groom. She said she thinks it hit $60K. But we all had a fantastic time so I guess it was worth it. Their pictures will be stunning and they had about 5 photographers there working their butts off the entire time so I'm sure they will have covered everything for their memories. The food was good but not great which surprised us knowing the costs of that place but what a set up and venue! Here is the site Zib, for when you pick a date. www.bellacollina.com/ and they are starting to build homes there again if you are still looking. Sorry bio child is embarrassing your DF.
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Ombud
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Wedding
Nov 16, 2014 4:16:34 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by Ombud on Nov 16, 2014 4:16:34 GMT -5
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tallguy
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Wedding
Nov 16, 2014 4:41:45 GMT -5
Post by tallguy on Nov 16, 2014 4:41:45 GMT -5
The last wedding I actually travelled to years ago had to have cost a fortune. Grand Wailea Resort on Maui over New Years'. Seaside Chapel there, complete with dove release. I think their room was $5000/night but I'm pretty sure they didn't have that room the whole time. The families were there for at least a week or two. I actually spent way more taking my family to that wedding than we spent on my own. But hey, it was a week on Maui in the middle of winter. It was worth it!
And to the best of my knowledge, the bride and groom paid for most if not all of it, including some of their families' travel expenses. Nor do I recall them even registering for gifts. No embarrassment necessary on anyone's part.
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Deleted
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Wedding
Nov 16, 2014 8:38:54 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on Nov 16, 2014 8:38:54 GMT -5
I hope bio brat is prepared for receiving 225 toasters That's what I would give in case of such a glaring money grab! This. As a guest, I find registries helpful because I know that if I get you something on the registry it's something you wanted, but IMO any guest may decide to buy something off the registry.
As for the Grand Wailea Resort wedding, I'm guessing the bride and groom got the $5,000/night room as a "comp". Hotels do very well on these weddings since the wedding guests usually stay there and of course they provide all the catering for the reception. I'm not enamored of destination weddings but that may be because I'm not a beach person. I love nature and swimming and the water and islands, but hanging out all day baking in the sun and drinking neon-colored drinks doesn't interest me. I'd have to be really close to the couple.
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ArchietheDragon
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Post by ArchietheDragon on Nov 16, 2014 9:08:26 GMT -5
We always give cash as a wedding present.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 16, 2014 9:09:07 GMT -5
and yet there are people who are going to say she's a greedy brat for actually having a registry.
and who the hell buys a toaster as a wedding gift? in my area growing up wedding gifts are either cash or china/crystal/silver from the registry. a toaster is a shower gift.
if they are basing their wedding/honeymoon on expecting cash from guests they're idiots, but that's not your problem.
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busymom
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Post by busymom on Nov 16, 2014 9:33:37 GMT -5
Actually, around here a toaster WOULD be considered a suitable gift. (Granted, in the Midwest, folks tend to give gifts the couple would actually use, rather than dust-catchers that only get brought out once or twice a year).
And, around here a wedding registry is seen mostly as a wish list. I can't wait to see how many sets of towels, & other practical gifts that the bride wigs out about...
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Deleted
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Wedding
Nov 16, 2014 9:38:40 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on Nov 16, 2014 9:38:40 GMT -5
Actually, around here a toaster WOULD be considered a suitable gift. (Granted, in the Midwest, folks tend to give gifts the couple would actually use, rather than dust-catchers that only get brought out once or twice a year).
And, around here a wedding registry is seen mostly as a wish list. I can't wait to see how many sets of towels, & other practical gifts that the bride wigs out about... doesn't one usually own a toaster by the time they get married? and I use my China more than once or twice a year....way more useful than a toaster that I would never use. as I said, in the northeast, toasters and towels and kitchen stuff are shower gifts, not wedding gifts. so if towels aren't on a bride's registry people are just going to go out and buy them because they feel like it not knowing if they need towels or if they're the right color, etc.?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 16, 2014 10:14:28 GMT -5
I don't know . . . 26 items doesn't sounds like that small a registry for me if one item is her entire china pattern, one item is her entire crystal pattern, etc. I'm not impressed with bridal couples who get the price gun and shoot the entire store. What's the point? They don't really want half the stuff on it, but the store encourages them to go nuts.
Stores even encourage them to register for "dummy" china patterns because the cost of their "real" china pattern might freak their guests out. A guest might shell out $100 for a place setting but refuse to shell out $100 for a cup/saucer because it seems so cheap. Then the couple can return it and get what they really wanted.
Why not enjoy the wedding, Zib? You aren't paying for it; he is. Your finances appear to be separate. I know you think he is being taken advantage of, but he helped create this young woman and her expectations. I know you blame the ex, but unless she has been funding everything out of her own pocket, your DF has helped his bio daughter to believe that she only deserves the best.
I'd back off personally. We want to hear the stories, and this is a safe place to vent. But in the end, it is his daughter and his money. He is probably enjoying this more than you think. Or to be honest, he would have put his foot down. No one can make the father pay $50,000 for the wedding. The court didn't write it into his child support decree.
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Deleted
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Wedding
Nov 16, 2014 10:24:14 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on Nov 16, 2014 10:24:14 GMT -5
I don't know . . . 26 items doesn't sounds like that small a registry for me if one item is her entire china pattern, one item is her entire crystal pattern, etc. I'm not impressed with bridal couples who get the price gun and shoot the entire store. What's the point? They don't really want half the stuff on it, but the store encourages them to go nuts.
Stores even encourage them to register for "dummy" china patterns because the cost of their "real" china pattern might freak their guests out. A guest might shell out $100 for a place setting but refuse to shell out $100 for a cup/saucer because it seems so cheap. Then the couple can return it and get what they really wanted.
Why not enjoy the wedding, Zib? You aren't paying for it; he is. Your finances appear to be separate. I know you think he is being taken advantage of, but he helped create this young woman and her expectations. I know you blame the ex, but unless she has been funding everything out of her own pocket, your DF has helped his bio daughter to believe that she only deserves the best.
I'd back off personally. We want to hear the stories, and this is a safe place to vent. But in the end, it is his daughter and his money. He is probably enjoying this more than you think. Or to be honest, he would have put his foot down. No one can make the father pay $50,000 for the wedding. The court didn't write it into his child support decree. and just a side note, registering for china is more than just one item - you register for the place setting but then you have to pick any serving pieces (bowls, platters, gravy boat, etc)....same with crystal (wine glasses, water glasses, etc.). so do people register for a 'dummy' pattern and then return all those for a credit towards what they really want?
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zibazinski
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Wedding
Nov 16, 2014 10:45:07 GMT -5
Post by zibazinski on Nov 16, 2014 10:45:07 GMT -5
He says he is paying for 25 per cent of it. At the time of the first estimate, that was $12,500. Mom says she is giving 10k plus her engagement ring. DF feels fiance got off cheap with that so should be willing to fork over 10-15k which is what he would have spent on a ring to suit princess. The rest is on fiance's parents or bride to be. It's going to get ugly and soon. DF is embarrassed because it's an obvious money grab. She isn't registered for China because she has her grandmas. She did register for silverware and everyday dishes. Some towels. No pots pans, sheets, nothing. registering for gifts is expected and traditional. But I do wonder about how people will feel when they go to buy a gift and there's nothing left to buy. Will they stroke a check or will they just buy some gift? What would you do?
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Deleted
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Wedding
Nov 16, 2014 10:48:58 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on Nov 16, 2014 10:48:58 GMT -5
He says he is paying for 25 per cent of it. At the time of the first estimate, that was $12,500. Mom says she is giving 10k plus her engagement ring. DF feels fiance got off cheap with that so should be willing to fork over 10-15k which is what he would have spent on a ring to suit princess. The rest is on fiance's parents or bride to be. It's going to get ugly and soon. DF is embarrassed because it's an obvious money grab. She isn't registered for China because she has her grandmas. She did register for silverware and everyday dishes. Some towels. No pots pans, sheets, nothing. registering for gifts is expected and traditional. But I do wonder about how people will feel when they go to buy a gift and there's nothing left to buy. Will they stroke a check or will they just buy some gift? What would you do?since I give cash for weddings, I wouldn't be looking at the registry for a wedding gift. if I was looking at it for a shower gift and there wasn't anything left in my price range, I would come up with something neutral on my own and include a gift receipt.
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zibazinski
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Wedding
Nov 16, 2014 11:09:21 GMT -5
Post by zibazinski on Nov 16, 2014 11:09:21 GMT -5
He actually said this was a SILVER wedding compared to what her peers are having. That she probably feels "cheated." Lord, help me.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Nov 16, 2014 11:16:22 GMT -5
In all my years and wisdom, nothing pisses people off more than weddings. If they are nice, then the people think the B&G are being showy and shallow. If they are simple, people feel cheated for having to go and not get a good enough party. If the bride wears a big fancy dress - it is insane to waste so much money. If she is wearing a cheap dress, pepole wonder why she couldn't do better than that. If they go to the courthouse, people are hurt that they weren't included. I can say something bad about every wedding I have ever been to. And it seems everyone else can too. Why are we all so mean?
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Wedding
Nov 16, 2014 11:21:04 GMT -5
Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Nov 16, 2014 11:21:04 GMT -5
Is this the only registry?
I know it is not uncommon to register at a couple different places. Many times, it is like Macy's and then someplace like Bed, Bath and Beyond, or Target.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Nov 16, 2014 11:23:22 GMT -5
Williams Sonoma, Macy's, and bed bath and beyond. Two things at BB and B. A dozen at Macy's. The rest at Williams Sonoma.
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Wedding
Nov 16, 2014 11:25:42 GMT -5
Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Nov 16, 2014 11:25:42 GMT -5
In all my years and wisdom, nothing pisses people off more than weddings. If they are nice, then the people think the B&G are being showy and shallow. If they are simple, people feel cheated for having to go and not get a good enough party. If the bride wears a big fancy dress - it is insane to waste so much money. If she is wearing a cheap dress, pepole wonder why she couldn't do better than that. If they go to the courthouse, people are hurt that they weren't included. I can say something bad about every wedding I have ever been to. And it seems everyone else can too. Why are we all so mean? I agree. Sometimes it seems like the bride and groom just can't do anything right. This is one place where it becomes very difficult to buck the family expectations....and conversely, the family pay for the bride's expectation. Hell, just take a look at the reality shows on TV. There are a plethora of them, grading how good they are, how expensive, etc.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 16, 2014 12:14:47 GMT -5
Actually, around here a toaster WOULD be considered a suitable gift. (Granted, in the Midwest, folks tend to give gifts the couple would actually use, rather than dust-catchers that only get brought out once or twice a year).
And, around here a wedding registry is seen mostly as a wish list. I can't wait to see how many sets of towels, & other practical gifts that the bride wigs out about... I got a toaster for my wedding, and towels, and board games and a cooler... All stuff we registered for. I would have been bummed had I got crystal and china.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 16, 2014 12:18:55 GMT -5
Actually, around here a toaster WOULD be considered a suitable gift. (Granted, in the Midwest, folks tend to give gifts the couple would actually use, rather than dust-catchers that only get brought out once or twice a year).
And, around here a wedding registry is seen mostly as a wish list. I can't wait to see how many sets of towels, & other practical gifts that the bride wigs out about... I got a toaster for my wedding, and towels, and board games and a cooler... All stuff we registered for. I would have been bummed had I got crystal and china. I got a toaster over and towels and everyday dishes and 2 picnic coolers for shower gifts....I registered for china and crystal - clearly it's what I wanted.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 16, 2014 12:25:05 GMT -5
I got a toaster for my wedding, and towels, and board games and a cooler... All stuff we registered for. I would have been bummed had I got crystal and china. I got a toaster over and towels and everyday dishes and 2 picnic coolers for shower gifts....I registered for china and crystal - clearly it's what I wanted. I didn't have a shower. The whole idea of them turns me off unless you're talking really young couple with nothing. I would have been fine with no gifts at the wedding too, but people feel obligated to get something, so I registered for things we could use.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Nov 16, 2014 12:28:09 GMT -5
I don't use my china monthly or anything, but now that I have been married 17 years (as of yesterday ) and the towels are gone, the coffee maker is long dead, the money I got is either spent or mixed in with all the money I have saved over the years and I can't even remember all the other stuff that has been broken or used up or whatever - I'm glad I have some really nice plates that remind me that a bunch of people loved me enough to buy bits and pieces for to come together and get a nice whole set. It is like a community thing - everyone who cared for me pooled their resources and gave me one big gift, and every Christmas when I pull it out I am reminded that I made a choice to marry, and I was supported by a group of people who wanted to see that happen, and for us to be happy. But, as I said - some people thought I was being silly for partaking in such an old fashioned thing like getting china. And if I hadn't, a bunch of people would have thought I was stupid for not getting china. Brides can't win.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 16, 2014 12:29:54 GMT -5
My towels outlasted my marriage.
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Deleted
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Wedding
Nov 16, 2014 12:33:28 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on Nov 16, 2014 12:33:28 GMT -5
I got a toaster over and towels and everyday dishes and 2 picnic coolers for shower gifts....I registered for china and crystal - clearly it's what I wanted. I didn't have a shower. The whole idea of them turns me off unless you're talking really young couple with nothing. I would have been fine with no gifts at the wedding too, but people feel obligated to get something, so I registered for things we could use. we grew up in 2 totally different worlds and obviously our wedding's reflect that.....and I use china and crystal so I'm not sure how I registered for things I couldn't or wouldn't use.
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