happyhoix
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Post by happyhoix on Nov 18, 2014 12:35:40 GMT -5
And threads like that make me want "son(s)" vs girls because we won't have to deal with all the drama of a wedding. Boys are awesome but you don't escape the expense or drama - it just manifests at different times. You may not have to deal with the wedding drama, but that's OK since you will have dealt with all the boy growing up drama like them making a flame thrower out of a can of hairspray or breaking their leg when they fall out of the tree, etc. Or having them ask you in public in a very serious tone, "Mom, I know what 'junk' is on a boy [insert geographically accurate but incredibly awkward to watch pointing hand motion here], but that lady on the radio was talking about a girl having 'junk in the trunk.' Do girls have junk, too? Where is it?"
Mine fractured both elbows riding in a rock filled drainage ditch, broke an ankle sledding on sleet and running into a tree, broke an arm running across the playground and tripping over the sidewalk, burnt his leg on a friend's motorcycle muffler, and his most destructive act - stabbing Stretch Armstrong and letting his guts spill onto the carpet under his bed. Stretch Armstrongs' guts never come out of carpet, by the way. They harden into a black pool that cannot be removed from the carpet. You have to arrange the furniture over it until you replace the whole carpet. My three sisters and I never broke any bones and never wondered what was inside a Stretch Armstrong, so I have to assume girls might be less expensive to raise, at least when it comes to medical costs and carpet
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CarolinaKat
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Wedding
Nov 18, 2014 13:12:00 GMT -5
Post by CarolinaKat on Nov 18, 2014 13:12:00 GMT -5
Don't fathers of the bride have to do stuff? Or is it just the mother of the brides day? Dad walked me down the Aisle. We also did a Father/Daughter dance (Carolina Girls ). Other than that, he was Mr Social.Freaking.Butterfly. Floated around and talked to everyone. Went and hung out with DH and his brothers (I think he might have tied the groomsmen's ties). Hung out with DH's granddad. Ate like 3 pieces of cake. Played with all the babies. Danced with anyone he could get to dance (Dad's a terrible dancer but he has fun). His only 'real' responsibility was to walk me down the aisle and the dance. ETA: justme He gleefully wore a tux, but only with the condition that I let him wear a bow-tie. So, he got to wear a bow tie. DH wore a tux (Thank God, uniforms are creepy) and the groomsmen wore black suits. I bought them matching vests and ties. Bridesmaids were given a color, fabric, and dress length (in all there were 20+ options). They were given matching jewelry.
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justme
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Post by justme on Nov 18, 2014 13:40:23 GMT -5
Lol! My dad's the type that needs mom to check him over before they go out to make sure there's not stains or holes in his clothes. Somewhere where he has to dress up my mom has to specify things like button down shirt and sleeve length lol.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Nov 18, 2014 13:42:12 GMT -5
I think the old rule that the parents of the bride provide the whole wedding are not very trustworthy in this day and age. I am not ruling out doing the same amount for my girl as I am for my boy. Money or time. It seems like most weddings are paid either by the couple or shared across many payers.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Wedding
Nov 18, 2014 13:42:48 GMT -5
Post by Wisconsin Beth on Nov 18, 2014 13:42:48 GMT -5
My Dad wears suits to weddings and funeral. And lately funerals are more of a black pullover with a suit coat/blazer.
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CarolinaKat
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Wedding
Nov 18, 2014 14:18:46 GMT -5
Post by CarolinaKat on Nov 18, 2014 14:18:46 GMT -5
I think the old rule that the parents of the bride provide the whole wedding are not very trustworthy in this day and age. I am not ruling out doing the same amount for my girl as I am for my boy. Money or time. It seems like most weddings are paid either by the couple or shared across many payers. My parents paid for their wedding. It didn't seem right to ask them to pay for mine.
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zibazinski
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Wedding
Nov 18, 2014 17:02:49 GMT -5
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Post by zibazinski on Nov 18, 2014 17:02:49 GMT -5
He paid everything for both kids. Stepson and stepdaughter. Big bucks on both, he tells me. Stepdaughters was at a California winery. Stepsons wife has a huge family that all came from another country, besides the ones here that live out of state, and it was expected that he pay for housing and feeding them while they were here since they bought tickets to come. He feels he's getting off easy this time financially but the backlash is going to be ugly. He's basically saying bio isn't getting as much spent on her as he spent on her siblings. Somehow that'll be my fault, too.
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NancysSummerSip
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Wedding
Nov 18, 2014 17:18:32 GMT -5
Post by NancysSummerSip on Nov 18, 2014 17:18:32 GMT -5
He paid everything for both kids. Stepson and stepdaughter. Big bucks on both, he tells me. Stepdaughters was at a California winery. Stepsons wife has a huge family that all came from another country, besides the ones here that live out of state, and it was expected that he pay for housing and feeding them while they were here since they bought tickets to come. He feels he's getting off easy this time financially but the backlash is going to be ugly. He's basically saying bio isn't getting as much spent on her as he spent on her siblings. Somehow that'll be my fault, too. No, it won't. She may finger you as being the one at fault, but you're only the victim if you set yourself up with the big target painted on your butt and a sign that says "Kick here" pinned above it. Turn it around on her. Don't accept that treatment, unless you really enjoy martyrdom. Tell her she can stick her complaints in your handy-dandy "bitch box." Yes, that's right. Instead of a suggestion box, you have a bitch box. In fact, you could make one for her. Something sparkly and shiny. Every time she has a complaint, issue or otherwise bad thing to say to or about you, tell her to write it out and stick it in the bitch box. When it's full, she can give it to you and you promise to read what she wrote. Of course, what you would actually do is light the grill and the whole thing into it. And then toast marshmallows.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Nov 18, 2014 19:04:02 GMT -5
Well, there's a long time before the wedding. I have to admit, if I go, I will for sure have a smile on my face. For various reasons.
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Ombud
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Nov 18, 2014 19:18:37 GMT -5
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Post by Ombud on Nov 18, 2014 19:18:37 GMT -5
People are going to talk bad about you if you go or don't go - but it is a lot harder to talk bad about someone when you are looking them in the eye. If you are super gracious and charming, someone will say "Hmmm - that wasn't what I was expecting at all." DITTO
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Ombud
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Post by Ombud on Nov 18, 2014 19:19:35 GMT -5
And threads like that make me want "son(s)" vs girls because we won't have to deal with all the drama of a wedding. Just show up, smile and be pleasant! And write the check to pay for it all
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 19, 2014 0:34:28 GMT -5
Well, if I buy her towels set, I will remove 6 out of 12 things on her Macy's list and not have spent a hundred bucks even if I added the bath mat which she forgot to. So that leaves 6 items for others to buy. It's apparent that she wants money not gifts for her wedding. I would get it if she had been living with the guy and they had a place of their own for awhile but they have nothing. He really has nothing, living with mom and dad, and she has stuff from college. Not even sheets are on the registery! He sleeps in a twin and she does, too! Weird. She wants cash to buy her own stuff cheaper and not tell guests where she is buying it. Ikea and Walmart?
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lisamomof4
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Post by lisamomof4 on Nov 19, 2014 2:52:58 GMT -5
zib sorry for all the wedding pain basic fact of life weddings= crazy bs....the flavor can change from wedding to wedding but it's there i myself am suffering from wedding ptsd. we are currently in the middle of wedding hell and i can tell you there is no right answer...no matter what you do someone will be pissed . stand your ground on the things that matter to you, day of hit the spa and look fantastic that's always the best 'revenge'....as far as 'duties' there is the walk down the aisle, toast at dinner and father/daughter dance...there is no requirement of him dancing with ex...at DD2's wedding we had our table, then table with dh's father, then grooms family, then my mom and her current, then my bio father and his current, then table with my ex-step? and table with adopt-dad...and the appropriate family members and siblings as where they fit best. don't over stress yourself, day of she won't notice if you are there or not...she will only be thinking about herself
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Nov 19, 2014 6:24:15 GMT -5
I thought gifting money was common at weddings? I guess not.
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Cookies Galore
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Nov 19, 2014 7:25:01 GMT -5
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Post by Cookies Galore on Nov 19, 2014 7:25:01 GMT -5
I thought gifting money was common at weddings? I guess not. Typically... Gifts = bridal shower (or engagement, some people like to buy you things for that. Hubs' boss and wife bought our wine glasses as soon as we registered) Money = wedding gift Some people brought gifts to the wedding. I didn't mind since we had someone taking the gifts/money home for us.
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zibazinski
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Nov 19, 2014 7:50:30 GMT -5
Post by zibazinski on Nov 19, 2014 7:50:30 GMT -5
It can be hard on parents or whomever to take gifts home from a reception. But it's still done. Cash has traditionally been an ethnic thing or someone unable to access a registry. I think as more people move away from china, crystal, and sterling silver flatware or just about anything that needs special care or polishing, cash will become more the "thing." Times change. Writing thank yous is also becoming a thing of the past and there are some people who really think a year is okay for a thank you. If they even bother doing them.
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Cookies Galore
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Post by Cookies Galore on Nov 19, 2014 8:08:51 GMT -5
Oh no no no! I had our thank yous out within a week! I didn't want to deposit a bunch of checks and have people grumbling about not getting a thank you. Shower thank yous were sent out within a week as well. There was gossip about how prompt I am. Lol.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Nov 19, 2014 8:45:37 GMT -5
Oh no no no! I had our thank yous out within a week! I didn't want to deposit a bunch of checks and have people grumbling about not getting a thank you. Shower thank yous were sent out within a week as well. There was gossip about how prompt I am. Lol. I had the same gossip.
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zibazinski
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Nov 19, 2014 9:08:57 GMT -5
Post by zibazinski on Nov 19, 2014 9:08:57 GMT -5
I liked getting gifts ahead of time. I think when I got back from my honeymoon, I had maybe a half dozen to write because of reception gifts. My mom sent acknowledgement of gift cards so that people knew their gift was received and then the Monday after my wedding, she sent out the thanks yous except for the gifts received at the wedding. Very easy to write a few at a time.
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Phoenix84
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Nov 19, 2014 23:42:16 GMT -5
Post by Phoenix84 on Nov 19, 2014 23:42:16 GMT -5
I think I bought something off the registry for my sister's wedding, but I don't think it was that expensive. I ended up paying for my own tux rental and paying for my own flight out there, so I paid more than enough for her wedding.
I did get a thank you note for attending and for the gift.
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ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ
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Wedding
Nov 19, 2014 23:56:55 GMT -5
Post by ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ on Nov 19, 2014 23:56:55 GMT -5
I thought gifting money was common at weddings? I guess not. It used to be a cultural thing. Russian/Ukrainian weddings, the guests would mostly give money gifts - sometimes the men would pay to dance with the bride and pin money to the dress (older days).
Now more people are giving monetary gifts at weddings (cheques in envelopes, etc) , so the bride/groom can use the money to purchase what they really want or need, instead of getting a bunch of stuff that'll sit in a cupboard or closet forever. Money can also be put toward a down-payment on a house, etc.
I married a Ukrainian - and though we got lots of gifts (crystal, household appliances, linens, china, etc etc), we were handed a lot of envelopes from his side of the family because that's basically how they do things.
They also tend to give larger gifts (the small appliances, linens, crystal, etc) as shower gifts. They sometimes hold huge showers at the church hall and even people you don't know show up.
When my (then future) MIL hosted a shower for me, I didn't even know most of the people there.
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