Deleted
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Wedding
Nov 17, 2014 16:13:38 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on Nov 17, 2014 16:13:38 GMT -5
I don't want to ruin her day, the bride's. I may not like or trust her but it's her day. And is it possible bio brat will have kids? Rule No. 1: Don't pi*s off the person who will control access to your grandchildren.
When DS married, I made all the bouquets, which involved transporting a car full of flowers 3.5 miles up to the wedding site and finishing them the next day. The florist reminded me not to leave them in a hot car in the trunk! We kept them in buckets in the back seat. That was one fragrant car. DDIL is so sweet she probably would have forgiven me if I'd had to rustle up bouquets from flowers at HyVee at the last minute, but I'm glad it didn't come to that.
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jeep108
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Wedding
Nov 17, 2014 16:14:34 GMT -5
Post by jeep108 on Nov 17, 2014 16:14:34 GMT -5
True that. Do parents who are paying for portion of wedding even buy gifts? Or are huge checks toward wedding costs considered the "gift?" Since my kids aren't married, no clue My parents paid for my wedding, no gift.
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happyhoix
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Post by happyhoix on Nov 17, 2014 16:25:05 GMT -5
In HIS mind, if I don't go, he thinks she will think she can still call the shots the way she always has. He already told Her he would not dance with her mother. To not even put him in that situation. My EXs parents were divorced and it was only us that danced the bridal dance to OUR song so it was a non issue. But no way would his parents have danced togerher. EXs dad remarried of course but his mom didn't. Awkward. Yeah but he's putting you in the shitty position of sitting there with a fake smile plastered on your face while you know half the people in the room are saying bad things about you because of the poisonous ex-wife and step daughter. It would be kinder to you if he left you at home to watch a good movie in your slippers while you drank whatever adult beverage you prefer, and let him deal with the drama of his ex-wife and daughter. I think his desire to protect you from an awkward situation ought to outweigh his desire to show his daughter she's not the boss of him, myself.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Nov 17, 2014 16:34:17 GMT -5
Yup, sheets are out. I'm not about to ask her the sleeping arrangements. I hope the Mom brings a date. . But she won't because that would not be in keeping with her new "pining" persona. How do I disappear at rehearsal dinner? Where do I sit? What do I do with myself when I know so few people and those who didn't take sides, will be careful that day to be on HER side so as to not ruin her day. The Mom's not the daughters. I'm going to be the turd in the punch bowl. In bio's mind, if it weren't for me, her parents would have reconciled. She might even be right. My presence there reminds her that her fantasy isn't real. I don't want to ruin her day, the bride's. I may not like or trust her but it's her day. You don't disappear. Why should you? OK, I know it's the brat's day, but it still isn't right, fair or expected to have the person who is important to her dad, AKA The Big Banker Man, blend into the background like a pair of old drapes. Her fantasy reference the wedding day has nothing to do with you, unless you make it so. If she decides to make an issue of it, then as the saying goes, not your circus, not your monkeys. If you try to walk the tightrope too carefully, it won't work. You'll insult someone, one way or the other. If she's that pissy about your existence, then let's face it, you've already mortally wounded her poor little soul to the point where it cannot be healed. Sit with whomever looks like fun. Find the people with the umbrella drinks in hand and wearing the wildest outfits. You might give the brat a fit or two, but heck, if her fantasy is already that easily spoiled, you might as well go ahead and bury it.
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zibazinski
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Wedding
Nov 17, 2014 17:02:50 GMT -5
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Post by zibazinski on Nov 17, 2014 17:02:50 GMT -5
Bio is very much planning to have kids. DF is counting on it. I hope by wedding time something happens to resolve this.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Nov 17, 2014 17:14:34 GMT -5
Bio is very much planning to have kids. DF is counting on it. I hope by wedding time something happens to resolve this. I would not bet the registry on it. At this point, her tunnel vision is likely very much zeroed in on herself. Just go, find some suitably crazy people to sit with and enjoy. You'll know they are the right people to sit with when you see them rolling their eyes at the proceedings. Translation: they are just as floored as you are by what's going on. And do the same at the wedding, assuming you have a choice of where to spend your time. Obviously, you'll likely be assigned a seat in the beginning. But with 250 invitees, there will be plenty of places to hide and people to talk to. Get up and make it a point to visit every table and find someone interesting. And make an elaborate point of telling those who are not aware of it who you are: "I'm not just the father of the bride's significant other; I'm the love, the light and the skirt he chases at night." "Yes, I'm the one DD talks about. I keep DF's home fires lit and Lord, does it ever get hot in that bedroom."
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Peace Of Mind
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Nov 17, 2014 17:14:57 GMT -5
Zib, go to that wedding and reception, be gracious and don't lower yourself to all of this b.s.! Hold your head high and smile and be pleasant and prove all of them wrong that want to believe you suck.
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zibazinski
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Wedding
Nov 17, 2014 20:33:12 GMT -5
Post by zibazinski on Nov 17, 2014 20:33:12 GMT -5
I'd just like to have ONE friend to be with. Sigh.
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Blonde Granny
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Wedding
Nov 17, 2014 20:39:53 GMT -5
Post by Blonde Granny on Nov 17, 2014 20:39:53 GMT -5
Our only child married their only child (what fun that has been)....we paid for half the wedding, the rehearsal dinner , (that was 2500.00 ) and their gift from us was their 1week honeymoon in Cozumel. I would do it again today, but it cost us far more as the grooms parents than it did the brides parents.
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billisonboard
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Post by billisonboard on Nov 17, 2014 20:41:45 GMT -5
I'd just like to have ONE friend to be with. Sigh. Take a look at the invite list and make one.
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Ombud
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Post by Ombud on Nov 17, 2014 21:13:37 GMT -5
Our only child married their only child (what fun that has been)....we paid for half the wedding, the rehearsal dinner , (that was 2500.00 ) and their gift from us was their 1week honeymoon in Cozumel. I would do it again today, but it cost us far more as the grooms parents than it did the brides parents. For DS & DDIL, the bride's family bought a bottle of wine at the rehearsal dinner ... my x paid zip. I have deep pockets apparently and his siblings were upset that I wasn't more cordial to them (1st time I'd seen them since 10 yrs prior to divorce)
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justme
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Post by justme on Nov 17, 2014 21:51:55 GMT -5
Now I'm wondering what The Captain had to do to acheive spinster status and get the good stuff. Since I am the only cousin still single and only one other only has a gf vs. more permanent name. Can I register for nice shoes like Carrie Bradshaw Ooh what about a singlemoon, that'd be fun.
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zibazinski
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Nov 17, 2014 22:12:08 GMT -5
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Post by zibazinski on Nov 17, 2014 22:12:08 GMT -5
We have not seen the guest list or been privy to anything other than the estimated cost, her bridal registry, and the expectation of a check that's probably double of what he plans to write.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 18, 2014 0:49:01 GMT -5
True that. Do parents who are paying for portion of wedding even buy gifts? Or are huge checks toward wedding costs considered the "gift?" Since my kids aren't married, no clue I paid my daughter's wedding. She did not want a gift in addition to that. I offered new refrigerator because she needs one, but she said I paid enough and up to them to do the rest. Never imagined to hear those words from her.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Nov 18, 2014 8:16:34 GMT -5
I'm on the "go" side. Sure - it isn't what you want to be doing, but there are lots of reasons.
- Your DF will need support. This won't be fun for him either. You can be his one friend there. - People are going to talk bad about you if you go or don't go - but it is a lot harder to talk bad about someone when you are looking them in the eye. If you are super gracious and charming, someone will say "Hmmm - that wasn't what I was expecting at all." - You never know what will happen in the future. DSD may be a brat now, but one near-death experience or something might aid in her growing up and wanting to make amends. You don't want her to have additional reasons to just skip it and take her future love elsewhere.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Nov 18, 2014 8:25:39 GMT -5
Post by Wisconsin Beth on Nov 18, 2014 8:25:39 GMT -5
You also don't have to stay for the entire event either. You can catch a cab home sometime after the dancing starts.
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zibazinski
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Nov 18, 2014 8:30:05 GMT -5
Post by zibazinski on Nov 18, 2014 8:30:05 GMT -5
It's at a resort. I can just walk back to hotel room. You'd have thought DFs issues would have mellowed her but she only mellowed to get wedding money. Geez. How can anyone raise kids like that? Mine aren't perfect but this is over the top. At least FAKE caring. It'd fool him. Not that I like that idea but it'd make him feel better.
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The Captain
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Post by The Captain on Nov 18, 2014 9:23:48 GMT -5
Now I'm wondering what The Captain had to do to acheive spinster status and get the good stuff. Since I am the only cousin still single and only one other only has a gf vs. more permanent name. Can I register for nice shoes like Carrie Bradshaw Ooh what about a singlemoon, that'd be fun. Heh... In HS while my sister was dating several guys at a time I only "hung out" with one good male friend. I had NO INTEREST in romance as I knew I wanted to go to college and "ain't nobody got time for that!" . Pretty much the same in college, between my jobs and school I didn't really have the time or energy for romantic nonsense. I always made it pretty clear that I didn't need a man in my life to be happy and my Mom encouraged that be reminding me that I didn't need to get married to have nice things either. Note: By the end of my Freshman year in college three of my HS friends were already married, by the start of my junior year there were only two of us who were not married, yea - none of the married ones ever finished college and several are now, sadly, divorced. I think Mom may have been a wee bit worried that I'd think marriage was the only way to get nice things, wrong!
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Nov 18, 2014 9:31:06 GMT -5
You also don't have to stay for the entire event either. You can catch a cab home sometime after the dancing fighting and name-calling starts. Fixed that for ya. And Zib, you do have a friend there. You have DF. And you will make more friends there. That's the point. You're starting with (almost) nothing when you get there, so you have to look at it as having zero to lose. Like I said, find the crazy people and hang out with them. It won't be hard. Crazy attracts crazy. I mean, look at this board, for example.
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zibazinski
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Nov 18, 2014 9:49:57 GMT -5
Post by zibazinski on Nov 18, 2014 9:49:57 GMT -5
Don't fathers of the bride have to do stuff? Or is it just the mother of the brides day?
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NancysSummerSip
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Nov 18, 2014 10:06:57 GMT -5
Post by NancysSummerSip on Nov 18, 2014 10:06:57 GMT -5
Don't fathers of the bride have to do stuff? Or is it just the mother of the brides day? You mean besides doing the banker thing? My dad died long before mine or my brothers' weddings, so no clue there. My brother married twice, and the father of his first bride was a useless twit who was cheating on the mother of the bride for years. So he was not exactly welcome. Second time around, father of the bride was more useful. Their wedding was more of a community hall affair, and Father of the bride made desserts.
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zibazinski
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Nov 18, 2014 10:17:12 GMT -5
Post by zibazinski on Nov 18, 2014 10:17:12 GMT -5
He says he's been nothing but the banker for the last two. One was the stepsons. As soon as the bride to be's parents figured out that he'd pay for a wedding, it was all on him.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Nov 18, 2014 10:30:21 GMT -5
Post by Wisconsin Beth on Nov 18, 2014 10:30:21 GMT -5
Don't fathers of the bride have to do stuff? Or is it just the mother of the brides day? Dad walked me down the aisle and handed me off do DH. Did the same for my 2 sisters. At the reception, he had to dance with me. And I think I made him dance with Mom. He hates dancing and music so for him, this was agony to be gotten over with ASAP. Oh, and pictures. He needs to stand around for the assorted professional photos. In my family, that's like 30+ minutes and some are everyone, some are "the originals" i.e. no ILs or grandkids. But we don't do professional photos much so we want some variety in who is with whom. Mom's the check writer in our family so she's the one to make sure anything that she and Dad agreed to pay for gets paid. Mom got walked down the aisle and seated at the start of the wedding. Same deal with pictures. In my brother's wedding, Mom danced with brother while my SIL danced with her Dad.
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skubikky
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Post by skubikky on Nov 18, 2014 10:41:40 GMT -5
He says he's been nothing but the banker for the last two. One was the stepsons. As soon as the bride to be's parents figured out that he'd pay for a wedding, it was all on him. Is he unfamiliar with the word "No"? People usually at some point don't follow through on doing things that they don't want to. Your DF probably deep down had his reasons for financing these weddings. In the end these were his decisions. If he truly didn't want to do those things he wouldn't have. I suspect that there is more than one side to these stories of your DF, his ex-wife and his children(step or otherwise). The fact is, they aren't going away. He comes with this family. Regardless of what you think of them, on some level their love and concern matters very much to him. Otherwise, he would just ignore them. But, as you've witnessed, that isn't the way it is. Remember too, that his daughter is not just a result of how her mother raised her but how her father raised her as well.
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justme
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Nov 18, 2014 10:43:20 GMT -5
Post by justme on Nov 18, 2014 10:43:20 GMT -5
Lol! I continuously threaten my dad with having to wear a tux (sometimes I say one with tails) whenever he's being a butt to me. Tell him that he'll even have to wear one at a beach wedding when no one else is.
Though the dance might be a good threat too.
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Deleted
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Nov 18, 2014 10:59:18 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on Nov 18, 2014 10:59:18 GMT -5
Lol! I continuously threaten my dad with having to wear a tux (sometimes I say one with tails) whenever he's being a butt to me. Tell him that he'll even have to wear one at a beach wedding when no one else is.
Though the dance might be a good threat too. [img src=" images.proboards.com/new/huh.gif" src="http://images.proboards.com/new/grin.png"]?? isn't that standard for a formal wedding?
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billisonboard
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Nov 18, 2014 11:26:39 GMT -5
Post by billisonboard on Nov 18, 2014 11:26:39 GMT -5
I'd just like to have ONE friend to be with. Sigh. We have not seen the guest list ...
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Nov 18, 2014 11:45:31 GMT -5
And threads like that make me want "son(s)" vs girls because we won't have to deal with all the drama of a wedding.
Just show up, smile and be pleasant!
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justme
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Post by justme on Nov 18, 2014 11:46:45 GMT -5
Lol! I continuously threaten my dad with having to wear a tux (sometimes I say one with tails) whenever he's being a butt to me. Tell him that he'll even have to wear one at a beach wedding when no one else is.
Though the dance might be a good threat too. [img src=" images.proboards.com/new/huh.gif" src="http://images.proboards.com/new/grin.png"]?? isn't that standard for a formal wedding? Yea, but I probably won't have a formal one. More like suits and ties. My dad doesn't even like that so much, so threatening him with bow ties and the whole nine yards is fun.
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milee
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Post by milee on Nov 18, 2014 11:58:34 GMT -5
And threads like that make me want "son(s)" vs girls because we won't have to deal with all the drama of a wedding. Boys are awesome but you don't escape the expense or drama - it just manifests at different times. You may not have to deal with the wedding drama, but that's OK since you will have dealt with all the boy growing up drama like them making a flame thrower out of a can of hairspray or breaking their leg when they fall out of the tree, etc. Or having them ask you in public in a very serious tone, "Mom, I know what 'junk' is on a boy [insert geographically accurate but incredibly awkward to watch pointing hand motion here], but that lady on the radio was talking about a girl having 'junk in the trunk.' Do girls have junk, too? Where is it?"
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