Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 10, 2014 11:23:54 GMT -5
Why do people in their 40s or 50s that are already "established" get married? By established, I mean own a home and have other investments. They also have their own employer health and retirement plans.
I could see if they wanted to have children some day, but these people don't want children. Also, I can see some people doing it for religious reasons, but the couple I know are not religious.
The things that make you go hhhmmmmm . . . .
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 10, 2014 11:25:40 GMT -5
Because they love each other?
<shit, I'm still a romantic>
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 10, 2014 11:27:13 GMT -5
to gain all the other legal protections that marriage offers.
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Baby Fawkes
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Post by Baby Fawkes on Nov 10, 2014 11:27:39 GMT -5
And there are certain provisions that are still afforded to spouses as opposed to 'domestic partners' (at least made a lot simpler) so there is a logistical angle on top of the love part.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 10, 2014 11:27:59 GMT -5
I am in love, but I don't want to get married because I have a nice retirement account and my house is almost paid for. I don't want to lose that! BF is also doing well by himself.
Maybe I am a pessimist because my parents were divorced.
IF I ever get married, there will be a prenuptial agreement. But, why get married?
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Nov 10, 2014 11:28:24 GMT -5
To Minnesota and Singlemom I don't recall getting married because I wanted DH's investments (not that he had any) and I am an atheist so the religious part didn't mean squat to me.
I wanted the legal protections and to DH marriage is a symbol of our devotion/commitment to each other. No way he would have been happy co-habituating with me.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 10, 2014 11:28:42 GMT -5
to gain all the other legal protections that marriage offers. Examples??
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ArchietheDragon
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Post by ArchietheDragon on Nov 10, 2014 11:30:24 GMT -5
because they are suckers.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 10, 2014 11:31:53 GMT -5
I am in love, but I don't want to get married because I have a nice retirement account and my house is almost paid for. I don't want to lose that! BF is also doing well by himself. Maybe I am a pessimist because my parents were divorced. IF I ever get married, there will be a prenuptial agreement. But, why get married? I was divorced twice! Yay me. What's yours when you get married stays yours, it's not marital property.
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HoneyBBQ
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Post by HoneyBBQ on Nov 10, 2014 11:40:05 GMT -5
to gain all the other legal protections that marriage offers. It is easier to get married, but you can legally do everything that marriage offers without the marriage aspect. Will POA joint accounts etc. To some people who aren't religious but are still devoted, there really isn't all that much to be gained by an actual marriage.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 10, 2014 11:40:27 GMT -5
to gain all the other legal protections that marriage offers. Examples?? Tax Benefits Filing joint income tax returns with the IRS and state taxing authorities. Creating a "family partnership" under federal tax laws, which allows you to divide business income among family members. Estate Planning Benefits Inheriting a share of your spouse's estate. Receiving an exemption from both estate taxes and gift taxes for all property you give or leave to your spouse. Creating life estate trusts that are restricted to married couples, including QTIP trusts, QDOT trusts, and marital deduction trusts. Obtaining priority if a conservator needs to be appointed for your spouse -- that is, someone to make financial and/or medical decisions on your spouse's behalf. Government Benefits Receiving Social Security, Medicare, and disability benefits for spouses. Receiving veterans' and military benefits for spouses, such as those for education, medical care, or special loans. Receiving public assistance benefits. Employment Benefits Obtaining insurance benefits through a spouse's employer. Taking family leave to care for your spouse during an illness. Receiving wages, workers' compensation, and retirement plan benefits for a deceased spouse. Taking bereavement leave if your spouse or one of your spouse's close relatives dies. Medical Benefits Visiting your spouse in a hospital intensive care unit or during restricted visiting hours in other parts of a medical facility. Making medical decisions for your spouse if he or she becomes incapacitated and unable to express wishes for treatment. Death Benefits Consenting to after-death examinations and procedures. Making burial or other final arrangements. Family Benefits Filing for stepparent or joint adoption. Applying for joint foster care rights. Receiving equitable division of property if you divorce. Receiving spousal or child support, child custody, and visitation if you divorce. Housing Benefits Living in neighborhoods zoned for "families only." Automatically renewing leases signed by your spouse. Consumer Benefits Receiving family rates for health, homeowners', auto, and other types of insurance. Receiving tuition discounts and permission to use school facilities. Other consumer discounts and incentives offered only to married couples or families. Other Legal Benefits and Protections Suing a third person for wrongful death of your spouse and loss of consortium (loss of intimacy). Suing a third person for offenses that interfere with the success of your marriage, such as alienation of affection and criminal conversation (these laws are available in only a few states). Claiming the marital communications privilege, which means a court can't force you to disclose the contents of confidential communications between you and your spouse during your marriage. Receiving crime victims' recovery benefits if your spouse is the victim of a crime. Obtaining immigration and residency benefits for noncitizen spouse. Visiting rights in jails and other places where visitors are restricted to immediate family. www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/marriage-rights-benefits-30190.html
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The Captain
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Post by The Captain on Nov 10, 2014 11:42:31 GMT -5
to gain all the other legal protections that marriage offers. Examples?? Having a sibling over-ride a "partner" on medical issues. Same for a parent or child over-riding a partner. I know of cases where families refused to allow a partner to see someone in the hospital and nursing home. If you are not married or related you don't have to right to demand access to someone. In the cases where this happened the motives were somewhat questionable IMHO.
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vonna
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Post by vonna on Nov 10, 2014 11:45:17 GMT -5
why get married?
If you have to ask, you probably shouldn't!!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 10, 2014 11:46:11 GMT -5
Tax Benefits Filing joint income tax returns with the IRS and state taxing authorities. Creating a "family partnership" under federal tax laws, which allows you to divide business income among family members. Estate Planning Benefits Inheriting a share of your spouse's estate. Receiving an exemption from both estate taxes and gift taxes for all property you give or leave to your spouse. Creating life estate trusts that are restricted to married couples, including QTIP trusts, QDOT trusts, and marital deduction trusts. Obtaining priority if a conservator needs to be appointed for your spouse -- that is, someone to make financial and/or medical decisions on your spouse's behalf. Government Benefits Receiving Social Security, Medicare, and disability benefits for spouses. Receiving veterans' and military benefits for spouses, such as those for education, medical care, or special loans. Receiving public assistance benefits. Employment Benefits Obtaining insurance benefits through a spouse's employer. Taking family leave to care for your spouse during an illness. Receiving wages, workers' compensation, and retirement plan benefits for a deceased spouse. Taking bereavement leave if your spouse or one of your spouse's close relatives dies. Medical Benefits Visiting your spouse in a hospital intensive care unit or during restricted visiting hours in other parts of a medical facility. Making medical decisions for your spouse if he or she becomes incapacitated and unable to express wishes for treatment. Death Benefits Consenting to after-death examinations and procedures. Making burial or other final arrangements. Family Benefits Filing for stepparent or joint adoption. Applying for joint foster care rights. Receiving equitable division of property if you divorce. Receiving spousal or child support, child custody, and visitation if you divorce. Housing Benefits Living in neighborhoods zoned for "families only." Automatically renewing leases signed by your spouse. Consumer Benefits Receiving family rates for health, homeowners', auto, and other types of insurance. Receiving tuition discounts and permission to use school facilities. Other consumer discounts and incentives offered only to married couples or families. Other Legal Benefits and Protections Suing a third person for wrongful death of your spouse and loss of consortium (loss of intimacy). Suing a third person for offenses that interfere with the success of your marriage, such as alienation of affection and criminal conversation (these laws are available in only a few states). Claiming the marital communications privilege, which means a court can't force you to disclose the contents of confidential communications between you and your spouse during your marriage. Receiving crime victims' recovery benefits if your spouse is the victim of a crime. Obtaining immigration and residency benefits for noncitizen spouse. Visiting rights in jails and other places where visitors are restricted to immediate family. Awesome list!
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Nov 10, 2014 11:50:06 GMT -5
why get married?
If you have to ask, you probably shouldn't!! Therefore, I wouldn't It's funny how many times when asked about how long I've been divorced I get the " you never remarried"? It's kinda like I grew another head all of a sudden. I just never saw the need too is what I answer.
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Nov 10, 2014 11:52:39 GMT -5
Having a sibling over-ride a "partner" on medical issues. Same for a parent or child over-riding a partner. I know of cases where families refused to allow a partner to see someone in the hospital and nursing home. If you are not married or related you don't have to right to demand access to someone. In the cases where this happened the motives were somewhat questionable IMHO. In the 2 cases I've witnessed is because the child/sibling was gay and the parents did not approve of their lifestyle. Being able to keep the partner away doing their kids illness was their way of getting the "last word" in a way. 1 she was lesbian and died of breast cancer - older like in her 40's and was my mom friend. They didn't even let her lover attend the funeral and per my mom they were together for over a decade. The other he was gay and died due to to. Motorcycle accident. Mother had the police escort boyfriend out of the hospital, kicked him out of son apartment (not on lease) and blamed him for her son being gay.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Nov 10, 2014 11:56:02 GMT -5
Visiting your spouse in a hospital intensive care unit or during restricted visiting hours in other parts of a medical facility. Making medical decisions for your spouse if he or she becomes incapacitated and unable to express wishes for treatment.
To me, this one is near the top of the list and that would go double if I were older when I wanted to get married. I would want to make sure my spouse could always visit me.
The idea of DH not being able to visit me in hospital if my family (hypothetically) didn't want him to is truly heartbreaking.
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The Captain
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Post by The Captain on Nov 10, 2014 12:09:17 GMT -5
Having a sibling over-ride a "partner" on medical issues. Same for a parent or child over-riding a partner. I know of cases where families refused to allow a partner to see someone in the hospital and nursing home. If you are not married or related you don't have to right to demand access to someone. In the cases where this happened the motives were somewhat questionable IMHO. In the 2 cases I've witnessed is because the child/sibling was gay and the parents did not approve of their lifestyle. Being able to keep the partner away doing their kids illness was their way of getting the "last word" in a way. 1 she was lesbian and died of breast cancer - older like in her 40's and was my mom friend. They didn't even let her lover attend the funeral and per my mom they were together for over a decade. The other he was gay and died due to to. Motorcycle accident. Mother had the police escort boyfriend out of the hospital, kicked him out of son apartment (not on lease) and blamed him for her son being gay. Both times I've seen this is when the kids were keeping a live in "girlfriend" from the Dad once he went into a nursing home or hospital because they were sure she was trying to steal his money (their inheritance). To do them justice, in both cases she was...a bit young for him and had lived off him for a few years after she moved in with him. One did take good care of him though, so who is to say? The other, I didn't really know enough to say. In both cases the Dad had developed dementia/memory issues and, while the girlfriends claimed Dad told them he changed the will, he never did.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 10, 2014 12:13:41 GMT -5
Having a sibling over-ride a "partner" on medical issues. Same for a parent or child over-riding a partner. I know of cases where families refused to allow a partner to see someone in the hospital and nursing home. If you are not married or related you don't have to right to demand access to someone. In the cases where this happened the motives were somewhat questionable IMHO. hmmm . . . . I'm his Medical POA and Financial POA. Also, we are each other's beneficiaries. My will states he can have my house.
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vonna
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Post by vonna on Nov 10, 2014 12:17:26 GMT -5
Having a sibling over-ride a "partner" on medical issues. Same for a parent or child over-riding a partner. I know of cases where families refused to allow a partner to see someone in the hospital and nursing home. If you are not married or related you don't have to right to demand access to someone. In the cases where this happened the motives were somewhat questionable IMHO. hmmm . . . . I'm his Medical POA and Financial POA. Also, we are each other's beneficiaries. My will states he can have my house. If your lives are that intertwined, then why not get married?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 10, 2014 12:19:02 GMT -5
Tax Benefits Filing joint income tax returns with the IRS and state taxing authorities. Creating a "family partnership" under federal tax laws, which allows you to divide business income among family members. Estate Planning Benefits Inheriting a share of your spouse's estate. Receiving an exemption from both estate taxes and gift taxes for all property you give or leave to your spouse. Creating life estate trusts that are restricted to married couples, including QTIP trusts, QDOT trusts, and marital deduction trusts. Obtaining priority if a conservator needs to be appointed for your spouse -- that is, someone to make financial and/or medical decisions on your spouse's behalf. Government Benefits Receiving Social Security, Medicare, and disability benefits for spouses. Receiving veterans' and military benefits for spouses, such as those for education, medical care, or special loans. Receiving public assistance benefits. Employment Benefits Obtaining insurance benefits through a spouse's employer. Taking family leave to care for your spouse during an illness. Receiving wages, workers' compensation, and retirement plan benefits for a deceased spouse. Taking bereavement leave if your spouse or one of your spouse's close relatives dies. Medical Benefits Visiting your spouse in a hospital intensive care unit or during restricted visiting hours in other parts of a medical facility. Making medical decisions for your spouse if he or she becomes incapacitated and unable to express wishes for treatment. Death Benefits Consenting to after-death examinations and procedures. Making burial or other final arrangements. Family Benefits Filing for stepparent or joint adoption. Applying for joint foster care rights. Receiving equitable division of property if you divorce. Receiving spousal or child support, child custody, and visitation if you divorce. Housing Benefits Living in neighborhoods zoned for "families only." Automatically renewing leases signed by your spouse. Consumer Benefits Receiving family rates for health, homeowners', auto, and other types of insurance. Receiving tuition discounts and permission to use school facilities. Other consumer discounts and incentives offered only to married couples or families. Other Legal Benefits and Protections Suing a third person for wrongful death of your spouse and loss of consortium (loss of intimacy). Suing a third person for offenses that interfere with the success of your marriage, such as alienation of affection and criminal conversation (these laws are available in only a few states). Claiming the marital communications privilege, which means a court can't force you to disclose the contents of confidential communications between you and your spouse during your marriage. Receiving crime victims' recovery benefits if your spouse is the victim of a crime. Obtaining immigration and residency benefits for noncitizen spouse. Visiting rights in jails and other places where visitors are restricted to immediate family. What ? My college failed to mention many of these when I was getting my accounting degree. LOL
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Nov 10, 2014 12:19:30 GMT -5
I struggle with this question myself. After I got married, I didn't magically feel different. My commitment to my husband didn't just automatically appear during the ceremony, it was already there way beforehand. There is an element of societal and religious blessing for shacking up. . As I get older, I see some of the other, legal benefits. But ultimately, it comes down to commitment, and looking at how many divorces there are, it seems that level of commitment is separate from marriage status.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Nov 10, 2014 12:20:19 GMT -5
It is easier to get married, but you can legally do everything that marriage offers without the marriage aspect. Will POA joint accounts etc. To some people who aren't religious but are still devoted, there really isn't all that much to be gained by an actual marriage. This. My BIL is getting married and his SO are tying the knot. They will be 35 and 42. The big thing is insurance. The want to have kids and she needs to get on a better health insurance plan. I don't think she has a maternity rider, and at 42.5, she doesn't have the luxury of waiting the year before getting pregnant. I am happy for them. But I'm not sure why they are getting married, other than to keep up proper appearances (she's from the south.) My BIL isn't religious. He gets the kids if we die. I knew that they then would no longer be raised in any faith. But, at 42, do you really need to be proper? I also got burned trying to use my wedding to make others happy. So, I'm not sure I would recommend that course of action to others, including my own kids. The kid thing is a whole other ball of wax.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 10, 2014 12:23:33 GMT -5
hmmm . . . . I'm his Medical POA and Financial POA. Also, we are each other's beneficiaries. My will states he can have my house. If your lives are that intertwined, then why not get married? His immediate family is, let's say "welfare people". He does not want them getting everything and then spending it on stupid stuff.
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HoneyBBQ
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Post by HoneyBBQ on Nov 10, 2014 12:24:20 GMT -5
You can definitely have kids and not be married.
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cronewitch
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Post by cronewitch on Nov 10, 2014 12:26:22 GMT -5
to gain all the other legal protections that marriage offers. It is easier to get married, but you can legally do everything that marriage offers without the marriage aspect. Will POA joint accounts etc. To some people who aren't religious but are still devoted, there really isn't all that much to be gained by an actual marriage. Not everything like collecting on the other's SS. I was married, now collecting on his SS even after divorce. I know people who shacked up longer than 10 years one even had 4 children with one and after they broke up and she got old she didn't get SS because she hadn't worked. Also since I am not married I won't collect part of his pension when he dies and can't be on his health insurance. My relationship is what I call Insignificant not SO, we don't share accounts or debts. We don't marry because we are in a community property state and don't like the laws. I have considered marriage because he would like me to collect some of his pension when he dies. He thinks living together without marriage is a sin, but has been willing to do it for me, I don't believe in religion. Another reason old people might marry is so the children and grandchildren accept the new person as family. Teaching a 5 year old to call a man grandma's boyfriend might be confusing. My great nephew called my boyfriend Uncle when he was little, we were together 10 years before the boy was born, he didn't get that he wasn't related in any way.
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Nov 10, 2014 12:27:28 GMT -5
Guess I missed that chapter in the charm book
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HoneyBBQ
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Post by HoneyBBQ on Nov 10, 2014 12:28:53 GMT -5
Good point, chrone. I don't care about SS because I have my own.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 10, 2014 12:30:34 GMT -5
My grandmother married for the third time at 82...to an older man. Their marriage lasted 11 years. He passed away and she died 10 days later. It was the third husband she outlived and she always said she couldn't live with that pain again.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 10, 2014 12:34:46 GMT -5
Good point, chrone. I don't care about SS because I have my own. I have my own SS too. I am a very independent person.
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