More for the mommy wars

[swamp]

During a conversation with a SAHM, she mentioned "now that I've quit my job to become a professional mom."

I'm not sure why that just didn't set right with me.   I don't give a crap who stays home, who works, or whatever family arrangement anyone has. As long as it works for them, good for them.

Is it an inference that those of us who work are amateur moms?  I certainly feel like one.

Maybe it's just a weird phrase. I dunno, it's just one of those niggling things.

[Opti]

Probably because being a Mom doesn't have professional or amateur status.

It would also imply that Dads unless they stay home would be amateurs as well.

You probably did well to leave it alone. My guess is she came up with that

phrase to glorify her decision instead of noting stay at home spouses do more

than just childcare. (Or should.)

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Oct 26, 2014 12:32:15 GMT -5 swamp said:

During a conversation with a SAHM, she mentioned "now that I've quit my job to become a professional mom."

I'm not sure why that just didn't set right with me.   I don't give a crap who stays home, who works, or whatever family arrangement anyone has. As long as it works for them, good for them.

Is it an inference that those of us who work are amateur moms?  I certainly feel like one.

Maybe it's just a weird phrase. I dunno, it's just one of those niggling things.

You should have asked her where she got her degree.  Was it a 4 year program?

[thyme4change]

I suspect she is trying to make sure she still feels like she is contributing.  I can image I would go through some real soul-searching if I quit my job, even if I knew I was quitting for a great reason.  So often career success = personal success.  Maybe she just isn't fully comfortable with her decision yet.

Or, she is trying to be superior to you and is a total bitch, and you should have punched her.  

And, just for giggles, last night I flipped off a friend because we were talking about how 11 years ago, they did a thing on Tuesday mornings and I wasn't involved because I was working.  It was pretty funny.  

[thyme4change]

Oct 26, 2014 12:40:44 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

Oct 26, 2014 12:32:15 GMT -5 swamp said:

You should have asked her where she got her degree.  Was it a 4 year program?

Or told her that you have decided to keep you amateur status, so you can participate in the Mommy Olympics.  

[Ryan]

Oct 26, 2014 12:32:15 GMT -5 swamp said:

During a conversation with a SAHM, she mentioned "now that I've quit my job to become a professional mom."

I'm not sure why that just didn't set right with me.   I don't give a crap who stays home, who works, or whatever family arrangement anyone has. As long as it works for them, good for them.

Is it an inference that those of us who work are amateur moms?  I certainly feel like one.

Maybe it's just a weird phrase. I dunno, it's just one of those niggling things.

I doubt that she actually thinks she is a "professional" now.  I think you're taking her too seriously.

[swamp]

Oct 26, 2014 12:47:28 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

Oct 26, 2014 12:40:44 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

You should have asked her where she got her degree.  Was it a 4 year program?

Or told her that you have decided to keep you amateur status, so you can participate in the Mommy Olympics.  

is that sort of like a tough mudder run?

Run 10 miles through the woods carrying a whiny 2 year old while covered in vomit. Extra points if you don't lose the binky, the sippy cup, and the lovey?

[swamp]

Oct 26, 2014 12:48:47 GMT -5 Ryan said:

Oct 26, 2014 12:32:15 GMT -5 swamp said:

During a conversation with a SAHM, she mentioned "now that I've quit my job to become a professional mom."

I'm not sure why that just didn't set right with me.   I don't give a crap who stays home, who works, or whatever family arrangement anyone has. As long as it works for them, good for them.

Is it an inference that those of us who work are amateur moms?  I certainly feel like one.

Maybe it's just a weird phrase. I dunno, it's just one of those niggling things.

I doubt that she actually thinks she is a "professional" now.  I think you're taking her too seriously.

No, I think I actually don't give a shit what she calls herself.  I'm just looking for a topic to discuss. 

[Ryan]

Oct 26, 2014 13:00:41 GMT -5 swamp said:

Oct 26, 2014 12:48:47 GMT -5 Ryan said:

I doubt that she actually thinks she is a "professional" now.  I think you're taking her too seriously.

No, I think I actually don't give a shit what she calls herself.  I'm just looking for a topic to discuss. 

You seem like you do care despite you saying you don't care. Maybe you are jealous of her.

[thyme4change]

Oct 26, 2014 13:00:41 GMT -5 swamp said:

Oct 26, 2014 12:48:47 GMT -5 Ryan said:

No, I think I actually don't give a shit what she calls herself.  I'm just looking for a topic to discuss. 

Oh well..in that case.  You are terrible and your kids are going to grow up to be serial killers.  And, your job doesn't matter and all your income just goes into take-out food.  You shouldn't breed unless you plan to spend 86-thousand seconds per day, every day for 26 years catering to your special snowflake.  That is the only way they will grow up to be successful people who know they are loved.  

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Oct 26, 2014 13:03:14 GMT -5 Ryan said:

Oct 26, 2014 13:00:41 GMT -5 swamp said:

No, I think I actually don't give a shit what she calls herself.  I'm just looking for a topic to discuss. 

You seem like you do care despite you saying you don't care. Maybe you are jealous of her.

Hell, this statement bothered ME and I have no skin in the game (no kids).  If a cohort of mine said something, I'd think that they were trying too hard to justify why they are no longer working outside the home.  Personally, I think it sounds stupid and hate that a woman would make so stupid a comment.

She has no need to do justify her actions.  I really doubt that there is any jealousy involved by the OP.

[swamp]

Oct 26, 2014 13:03:14 GMT -5 Ryan said:

Oct 26, 2014 13:00:41 GMT -5 swamp said:

No, I think I actually don't give a shit what she calls herself.  I'm just looking for a topic to discuss. 

You seem like you do care despite you saying you don't care. Maybe you are jealous of her.

I'm pretty sure I don't want to stay home with 4 kids.

[swamp]

Oct 26, 2014 13:05:06 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

Oct 26, 2014 13:00:41 GMT -5 swamp said:

No, I think I actually don't give a shit what she calls herself.  I'm just looking for a topic to discuss. 

Oh well..in that case.  You are terrible and your kids are going to grow up to be serial killers.  And, your job doesn't matter and all your income just goes into take-out food.  You shouldn't breed unless you plan to spend 86-thousand seconds per day, every day for 26 years catering to your special snowflake.  That is the only way they will grow up to be successful people who know they are loved.  

I spend my money on hookers and blow. Isn't that what working moms are supposed to spend it on?

[dannylion]

Yeah, that is sort of smug and annoying.  Sometimes it's fun to respond to annoying people by being annoying in return, but all innocent and interested and asking questions in an awed sort of tone, like you're really impressed. 

You could ask her what kind of certification program and testing she completed to achieve professional status.  Is a license required to be a professional mom?  If so, does she have to renew her license periodically to keep her professional status?  Did she get a certificate she could frame and hang on the wall?  Is there a uniform, or at least a cool hat? 

[Deleted]

Yeah, I'd find that off-putting. Does it imply that for those of us trying to combine motherhood and FT employment outside the home, kids are only a hobby?

But, in her defense, SAHMs get put down a lot, too, so maybe that's her built-in defense.

[Deleted]

Nothing good comes from the mommy wars.

[Deleted]

I guess foster parents might technically be called professional parents...

[thyme4change]

Oct 26, 2014 13:12:26 GMT -5 pooks said:

Nothing good comes from the mommy wars.

There are pro's and con's of all the choices we make.  In any scenario, judging and nastiness doesn't help, but an honest conversation, without so much baggage might help people decide which choices will work best for their lives. 

[imanangel]

Oct 26, 2014 13:08:17 GMT -5 swamp said:

Oct 26, 2014 13:03:14 GMT -5 Ryan said:

You seem like you do care despite you saying you don't care. Maybe you are jealous of her.

I'm pretty sure I don't want to stay home with 4 kids.

Dear God, just the thought makes me want to drink.

[sarcasticgirl]

Oct 26, 2014 13:09:14 GMT -5 swamp said:

Oct 26, 2014 13:05:06 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

Oh well..in that case.  You are terrible and your kids are going to grow up to be serial killers.  And, your job doesn't matter and all your income just goes into take-out food.  You shouldn't breed unless you plan to spend 86-thousand seconds per day, every day for 26 years catering to your special snowflake.  That is the only way they will grow up to be successful people who know they are loved.  

I spend my money on hookers and blow. Isn't that what working moms are supposed to spend it on?

shit... maybe now i DO want to become a mom! 

[Ryan]

Oct 26, 2014 13:18:32 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

Oct 26, 2014 13:12:26 GMT -5 pooks said:

Nothing good comes from the mommy wars.

There are pro's and con's of all the choices we make.  In any scenario, judging and nastiness doesn't help, but an honest conversation, without so much baggage might help people decide which choices will work best for their lives. 

People shouldn't be so sensitive like op. She seems to care a lot about stuff for someone that says she doesn't care. I think it's a defense mechanism #drphil

[steff]

Now that my kiddo is 20 and is self sufficient (although still living in my basement while going to school & working) you should see the heads explode when I say I went from being a stay at home mom to a stay at home wife.   It just boggles the mind that I don't work outside the home, I don't have a small child, and my hubby is very happy that I'm home. 

Hubby & I were talking & joking around this weekend while celebrating our 21st anniversary, that it's been 20 years since it was about "us".  Now we can pick up and do whatever we want whenever we want.  We spent part of the weekend locked up in a cabin in the woods...wink wink nudge nudge.  he was on vacation & we just kinda went "why the hell not?  let's go!".  Left kiddo a note & took off. 

[thyme4change]

Oct 26, 2014 13:56:27 GMT -5 steff said:

Now that my kiddo is 20 and is self sufficient (although still living in my basement while going to school & working) you should see the heads explode when I say I went from being a stay at home mom to a stay at home wife.   It just boggles the mind that I don't work outside the home, I don't have a small child, and my hubby is very happy that I'm home. 

Hubby & I were talking & joking around this weekend while celebrating our 21st anniversary, that it's been 20 years since it was about "us".  Now we can pick up and do whatever we want whenever we want.  We spent part of the weekend locked up in a cabin in the woods...wink wink nudge nudge.  he was on vacation & we just kinda went "why the hell not?  let's go!".  Left kiddo a note & took off. 

I think I would have an easier time emotionally being a SAH-wife than a working mom.  If someone judges me for not working and not having kids, then they are judging my life.  If they are judging me for being a working mom, they are judging my children's life.  I'm over the danger zone of the mommy wars - but there are some real assholes out there that will gladly tell children that their parents are wrong and that they (the kids) are suffering for it.  If you've got a problem with me - take it up with me.  Don't tell my kids that their life would be better if I just cared enough to quit my job and be with them.  

[Deleted]

once my kids were all in school full time, I think being a SAHM would have been tons of fun....as long as I got to keep the cleaning person and had money to lunch out several times a week :-)

[Deleted]

Oh, they do that both ways. SAH are just ruining the kids by being overprotective.

[swamp]

Oct 26, 2014 13:55:11 GMT -5 Ryan said:

Oct 26, 2014 13:18:32 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

There are pro's and con's of all the choices we make.  In any scenario, judging and nastiness doesn't help, but an honest conversation, without so much baggage might help people decide which choices will work best for their lives. 

People shouldn't be so sensitive like op. She seems to care a lot about stuff for someone that says she doesn't care. I think it's a defense mechanism #drphil

<<snort>>

Yeah, I'm known here for my sensitivity.

[giramomma]

Oct 26, 2014 13:56:27 GMT -5 steff said:

Hubby & I were talking & joking around this weekend while celebrating our 21st anniversary, that it's been 20 years since it was about "us".  Now we can pick up and do whatever we want whenever we want.  We spent part of the weekend locked up in a cabin in the woods...wink wink nudge nudge.  he was on vacation & we just kinda went "why the hell not?  let's go!".  Left kiddo a note & took off. 

DH and I can't wait for this time in our lives. 

As for the rest, some people need outside validation for their choices. Actually, I think at some point, many of us need outside validation for our choices. Particularly the ones that we struggle with the most.

The phrasing of "professional mom." is just poor.

Lots of people say poor things when it comes to their kids or parenting.

Lots of moms in DD1's class ran for a seat on the PTA. As part of this, you submit a bio, provide answers about how you already volunteer in the school, why you want to do this, etc. One mom, in particular, said point blank that with a young child and a child in Kindy, she couldn't volunteer, ever. Because you know, young child at home. However, she could find the time to practice her Spanish for an upcoming trip to Spain (for pleasure) and go sailing in her free time when asked what she does in her free time.

I heard my BFF from college tell her kid "If you don't stop crying, I'll give you something to cry about." because her (spoiled) 3.5 year old was sleep deprived (no nap) and wanted to hang out with her mom (my BFF had to go into work unexpectedly and left me with three kids for more than the hour or two that was promised), and threw a tantrum over something silly.

I know I've said some poor things about parenting/being a parenting/being judgey about other parents..Heck, I used to love supernanny because I felt so much better about my kids and my parenting skills after I watched that show.

I've even stuck my foot in my own mouth once or twice.

Now, I just ignore.

[DagnyT]

She might have meant it jokingly. When I was a SAHM, some of my friends and I called ourselves "professional moms." We certainly did not intend to insult the working moms. It was just a joke, just like we would say, "I'm retired." I have been both a SAHM and a working mom. They both have their challenges and their rewards. Swamp, I hope she wasn't being snarky, and if she was, shame on her.

[gooddecisions]

One of the hardest parts of being a parent is not judging other parents. The comment wouldn't have bothered me. My neighbor's youngest just went off to kindergarten. She was super excited, but instead of asking her what she's going to do with all her "free" time, I just sincerely said "congratulations, you earned it". I probably would have told this woman, "congratulations on your new position" and chose not to be offended.

[NastyWoman]

You're all forgetting about the wonders of the internet! Maybe she found a website similar to the ones where you can become qualified to officiate at a wedding in 10 easy questions. Only her qualification is to pop out a dozen or so kids as a surrogate  -> voila, a professional mom  (shudder...)