Firebird
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 12:55:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,452
|
Post by Firebird on Oct 27, 2014 7:52:02 GMT -5
Here's my thing: I hate the fact that SAHMs feel like they have to justify what they do. Having a parent at home all the time can be great for kids if the situation works for everyone. That's all that should matter.
A friend of mine who recently became a SAHM changed her job title to "CEO of Casa Smith" on her FB page. That kind of thing makes me crazy because I think being a SAHP is enough of a job in its own right, you don't have to make it seem like more by comparing it to running an entire company. I'm not a CEO either and I don't pretend to be.
What I hate most about the mommy wars are the way that they seem to make people feel like they have to justify what they do in ridiculous, exaggerated ways. And in reality that kind of justification just leads the way to more mockery on both sides.
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,909
|
Post by zibazinski on Oct 27, 2014 7:57:21 GMT -5
Friends do it to other friends and don't even mean to hurt. I can still remember years ago when my kids were little and it was summer so I wasn't working because I taught school and didnt teach summer school and before I worked at the auto dealership summers, my girlfriend calling up and leaving a message about how it must be nice t be supported by my husband so I can go out and spend his money all day long. I almost picked up the phone and left her a message saying that at least I didn't leave my 3 kids age 5 and under with a barely functional sister for $150 a week.
|
|
Firebird
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 12:55:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,452
|
Post by Firebird on Oct 27, 2014 8:01:51 GMT -5
I never know what to say to people that bring up their child's death. I want to acknowledge what they just said, but I don't want to say anything that might upset them.
"I'm so sorry for your loss" works just fine and is the most appropriate comment in 99.9% of situations, particularly if you don't know the person well. That's why police officers are taught to say it. Nothing you can say will make it better, but you can definitely make it worse by minimizing it or trying to come up with something you *think* they might want to hear on the fly.
I think you handled that situation well, Pink.
|
|
thyme4change
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 26, 2010 13:54:08 GMT -5
Posts: 40,749
|
Post by thyme4change on Oct 27, 2014 9:03:44 GMT -5
There are pro's and con's of all the choices we make. In any scenario, judging and nastiness doesn't help, but an honest conversation, without so much baggage might help people decide which choices will work best for their lives. Where is thyme, and who is this thoughtful poster working under her moniker What a way to start a Monday.
|
|
Firebird
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 12:55:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,452
|
Post by Firebird on Oct 27, 2014 9:17:05 GMT -5
It's easy to say hurtful things without realizing it.
True, but a lot of times people just don't think. I was reading a Facebook thread this weekend started by a mom of mixed-race children. Because her kids favor their father of a different race, people are constantly quizzing her about the processes around adoption/fostering (automatically assuming that she must have done one or both with her kids). They also ask if her kids are "hers."
Some stupid comments other respondents with mixed-race children shared:
"Why are you taking that little Asian girl?"
"Oh, are you Peter's nanny/babysitter?"
(At a doctor's office) "Can I see ID to prove you're Sam's mother?"
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,909
|
Post by zibazinski on Oct 27, 2014 9:17:33 GMT -5
I'm sure she never meant it to hurt me but after all these years, I still remember it. Mainly because she is so normally nice.
|
|
Chocolate Lover
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 15:54:19 GMT -5
Posts: 23,200
|
Post by Chocolate Lover on Oct 27, 2014 10:23:52 GMT -5
Gee, and comments like this are super helpful in building confidence... Well it isn't a friend's responsibility to build yours or anyone else's confidence. A person says they're a professional mom and somehow there's a backhanded insult in that? No different than a SAHP or SAHS saying they're the CEO of the Smith family. Should CEO's of actual corporations start looking for inference that somehow those "family CEO's" are implying they hold a more vital job than running a corporation? Why waste the emotional energy to take something in that is so meaningless to your life (your being the general population, not you specifically)? I'm assuming this friend didn't call Swamp unprofessional or dig at her being a lawyer. Like Goldengirl relayed it probably was some self-deprecating humor. Most people do it to some regard in areas of their life they lack confidence in or are uncomfortable with.
Here's an example where I say I see women as being too sensitive and I don't know, maybe just so biologically different than men. A friend buried their 14 month old daughter about 6 months ago. They now have a 2 month old daughter. A store clerk asked if the two month old is their first. Wife says no, we have a daughter in heaven. The clerk replies "I'm sorry, that must be hard for you." The wife chooses to be insulted that this clerk, who they knew all of fifteen seconds, was implying that the wife must be struggling and unable to deal with burying a child. The husband took the comment in as nothing more than the clerk acknowledging that the wife said they buried a child. No insult, no inference, no nothing else. The wife was worked up for days over it and why, what did that do for her?
So, how long before someone who has lost a child has to act as if it didn't upset them at all? How long do they have to overreact to every comment before they're just oversensitive? My SIL just buried her 15 month old son 3 months ago, how much longer does she get a little extra kindness? Of all the examples you could have picked from, THAT was what you chose to use? Women may be oversensitive rather often but men are completely oblivious to everything just as often.
|
|
vonna
Well-Known Member
Joined: Aug 11, 2012 15:58:51 GMT -5
Posts: 1,249
|
Post by vonna on Oct 27, 2014 11:09:00 GMT -5
Now that my kiddo is 20 and is self sufficient (although still living in my basement while going to school & working) you should see the heads explode when I say I went from being a stay at home mom to a stay at home wife. It just boggles the mind that I don't work outside the home, I don't have a small child, and my hubby is very happy that I'm home. Hubby & I were talking & joking around this weekend while celebrating our 21st anniversary, that it's been 20 years since it was about "us". Now we can pick up and do whatever we want whenever we want. We spent part of the weekend locked up in a cabin in the woods...wink wink nudge nudge. he was on vacation & we just kinda went "why the hell not? let's go!". Left kiddo a note & took off. I quit my part time job when my last kid graduated high school. I am rarely home, spending lots of time traveling all over the country. I guess I could call myself retired if someone wants to label as something, but I dont think of myself as old enough to be retired....not sure why that is more palatable to some than a SAHM or SAHW. I want to do my running around when Im still youngish...I dont see myself doing this when I get older. I called myself retired because I am retired. But I learned to call myself a SAHM in casual conversation, because somehow people seem to get offended if I call myself retired.
Not sure why that is, but SAHM is easy enough to say!!
|
|
vonna
Well-Known Member
Joined: Aug 11, 2012 15:58:51 GMT -5
Posts: 1,249
|
Post by vonna on Oct 27, 2014 11:11:29 GMT -5
I quit my part time job when my last kid graduated high school. I am rarely home, spending lots of time traveling all over the country. I guess I could call myself retired if someone wants to label as something, but I dont think of myself as old enough to be retired....not sure why that is more palatable to some than a SAHM or SAHW. I want to do my running around when Im still youngish...I dont see myself doing this when I get older. I'm sure lots of us would like to do that but not everyone can save enough money by age 50 to pay all their bills plus have money for travel....and some of us believe we should also help our kids with college. I don't know that retired is more palatable. if someone told me they were retired in their 40s and 50s I would think there was something wrong that they couldn't work a regular job.as far as the OP, since none of us were there, only the OP would know if she was joking around and it sounds like she wasn't. LOL! There is plenty "wrong" with DH and I, who are both in our forties and retired. As far as working a regular job, we just choose not to!
(ETA: oops! DH is actually in his 50"s now! My how time flies -- I'm still in my 40's though!)
|
|
greeniis10
Well-Known Member
Joined: May 9, 2012 12:27:09 GMT -5
Posts: 1,834
|
Post by greeniis10 on Oct 27, 2014 11:21:20 GMT -5
During a conversation with a SAHM, she mentioned "now that I've quit my job to become a professional mom."
I'm not sure why that just didn't set right with me. I don't give a crap who stays home, who works, or whatever family arrangement anyone has. As long as it works for them, good for them.
Is it an inference that those of us who work are amateur moms? I certainly feel like one.
Maybe it's just a weird phrase. I dunno, it's just one of those niggling things. No, it says NOTHING about you. It says a lot about the person who said it and their OWN feelings of deficiencies. Now to read the whole 3 pages. I'm behind today...
|
|
Sunnyday
Well-Known Member
Joined: Aug 3, 2013 0:36:39 GMT -5
Posts: 1,425
|
Post by Sunnyday on Oct 27, 2014 11:26:22 GMT -5
It seems like that it was said more in jest than anything. I know several retired people who call themselves, "professional [fill in their favourite pastime]" as a joke.
I don't think that they mean to devalue a professional golfer's actual profession.
I just think that it speaks to people's need to put people in categories. One of the first questions that I get when I meet people is "what do you do? what is your job?"
It's hard to say something that people can't relate to. Kills the conversation. Humor usually goes a long way in most situations.
|
|
HoneyBBQ
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 27, 2010 10:36:09 GMT -5
Posts: 5,395
Mini-Profile Background: {"image":"","color":"3b444e"}
|
Post by HoneyBBQ on Oct 27, 2014 11:28:45 GMT -5
I guess I would have taken it as a joke and nothing more.
At least if I knew the person and knew they weren't prone to mean spirited or passive aggressive remarks.
I think at the minimum it's reflecting more about her and where she came from than you and what you are doing. YMMV.
|
|
Angel!
Senior Associate
Politics Admin
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 11:44:08 GMT -5
Posts: 10,722
|
Post by Angel! on Oct 27, 2014 11:30:51 GMT -5
It's easy to say hurtful things without realizing it.
True, but a lot of times people just don't think. I was reading a Facebook thread this weekend started by a mom of mixed-race children. Because her kids favor their father of a different race, people are constantly quizzing her about the processes around adoption/fostering (automatically assuming that she must have done one or both with her kids). They also ask if her kids are "hers." Some stupid comments other respondents with mixed-race children shared: "Why are you taking that little Asian girl?" "Oh, are you Peter's nanny/babysitter?" (At a doctor's office) "Can I see ID to prove you're Sam's mother?" I think I must look very unapproachable. I've never had anyone say anything stupid about my kids, although mixed race kids are fairly common around here. I've also never run into the strangers rubbing my pregnant belly thing either. So I think something about me just says, don't be a moron or I will bite your head off.
|
|
Firebird
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 12:55:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,452
|
Post by Firebird on Oct 27, 2014 11:33:44 GMT -5
Angel, I didn't know your kids were mixed race. I never had any strangers rub my pregnant belly either. Thankfully. Resting Bitch Face FTW!!!
|
|
drivingaround
Established Member
Joined: Feb 26, 2011 21:38:18 GMT -5
Posts: 295
|
Post by drivingaround on Oct 27, 2014 11:36:09 GMT -5
Well it isn't a friend's responsibility to build yours or anyone else's confidence. A person says they're a professional mom and somehow there's a backhanded insult in that? No different than a SAHP or SAHS saying they're the CEO of the Smith family. Should CEO's of actual corporations start looking for inference that somehow those "family CEO's" are implying they hold a more vital job than running a corporation? Why waste the emotional energy to take something in that is so meaningless to your life (your being the general population, not you specifically)? I'm assuming this friend didn't call Swamp unprofessional or dig at her being a lawyer. Like Goldengirl relayed it probably was some self-deprecating humor. Most people do it to some regard in areas of their life they lack confidence in or are uncomfortable with.
Here's an example where I say I see women as being too sensitive and I don't know, maybe just so biologically different than men. A friend buried their 14 month old daughter about 6 months ago. They now have a 2 month old daughter. A store clerk asked if the two month old is their first. Wife says no, we have a daughter in heaven. The clerk replies "I'm sorry, that must be hard for you." The wife chooses to be insulted that this clerk, who they knew all of fifteen seconds, was implying that the wife must be struggling and unable to deal with burying a child. The husband took the comment in as nothing more than the clerk acknowledging that the wife said they buried a child. No insult, no inference, no nothing else. The wife was worked up for days over it and why, what did that do for her?
Are you seriously criticizing a woman who lost a baby 6 months ago and is currently 2 months postpartum for being too sensitive? I just. Wow. I will be crystal clear I am not criticizing her on being overly sensitive at losing a child. They buried their f&^%$ child and are in incredible pain. We're all in amazement at what they're dealing with and people make stupid comments about how lucky they are to have a replacement daughter. Could you imagine getting those types of comments? As if their first daughter was somehow less? My example was specifically the reaction to the clerks reply. There was no way to take what the clerk said as any other way than an acknowledgment they lost their daughter. The wife's reaction was sensitive, it wasn't that she was upset at losing her daughter it was that she believed this clerk was somehow speaking negatively of her dealing with the loss. Yeah, saying "I'm sorry" has some hidden meaning that she sucks at handling grief. Give me a break.
|
|
Firebird
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 12:55:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,452
|
Post by Firebird on Oct 27, 2014 11:39:55 GMT -5
Yeah, saying "I'm sorry" has some hidden meaning that she sucks at handling grief. Give me a break.
I don't think anyone was faulting the clerk's comment, but rather taking issue with the part where you use the mom's reaction as an example of women being oversensitive.
The clerk didn't do anything wrong. But the mom's "oversensitivity" on this topic is hardly a good example of the "women are so sensitive about everything OMG" stereotype (which I hate).
|
|
Pants
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 27, 2010 19:26:44 GMT -5
Posts: 7,579
|
Post by Pants on Oct 27, 2014 11:48:25 GMT -5
Are you seriously criticizing a woman who lost a baby 6 months ago and is currently 2 months postpartum for being too sensitive? I just. Wow. I will be crystal clear I am not criticizing her on being overly sensitive at losing a child. They buried their f&^%$ child and are in incredible pain. We're all in amazement at what they're dealing with and people make stupid comments about how lucky they are to have a replacement daughter. Could you imagine getting those types of comments? As if their first daughter was somehow less? My example was specifically the reaction to the clerks reply. There was no way to take what the clerk said as any other way than an acknowledgment they lost their daughter. The wife's reaction was sensitive, it wasn't that she was upset at losing her daughter it was that she believed this clerk was somehow speaking negatively of her dealing with the loss. Yeah, saying "I'm sorry" has some hidden meaning that she sucks at handling grief. Give me a break. Grief does not fit neatly into pockets. Going back to the whole "women are too sensitive" topic in general, despite this awful example - seriously, have you not seen how women are SOCIALIZED to be more sensitive than men? How girls are taught to be more aware and respectful of others' feelings than boys? The blanket statement "women are too sensitive" ignores the inherent sexism in that statement, the inherent privelege of judging something "too" anything, and the social structure that produces these conditions and then punishes women for them. In other words, your post is the epitome of sexist asshatery.
|
|
Angel!
Senior Associate
Politics Admin
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 11:44:08 GMT -5
Posts: 10,722
|
Post by Angel! on Oct 27, 2014 11:48:46 GMT -5
Angel, I didn't know your kids were mixed race. I never had any strangers rub my pregnant belly either. Thankfully. Resting Bitch Face FTW!!! I thought it was common knowledge, not that I expect you to track these things . Yeah, they are half black. It is pretty obvious that they aren't just lily white like me when you see us together. Although they also aren't as dark as many mixed race kids I know, so maybe people just think they are really tan or something. But, it seems really common to me anymore, so it just surprises me people are so idiotic.
|
|
Firebird
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 12:55:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,452
|
Post by Firebird on Oct 27, 2014 11:49:37 GMT -5
FB BSB - pants or no pants.
|
|
Firebird
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 12:55:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,452
|
Post by Firebird on Oct 27, 2014 11:51:59 GMT -5
I thought it was common knowledge, not that I expect you to track these thingsI was just saying the other day that someone should start a thread on "basic life stuff" so we all have a common point of reference on these things (I didn't even know about your third baby until fairly recently! )
|
|
drivingaround
Established Member
Joined: Feb 26, 2011 21:38:18 GMT -5
Posts: 295
|
Post by drivingaround on Oct 27, 2014 11:54:17 GMT -5
Well it isn't a friend's responsibility to build yours or anyone else's confidence. A person says they're a professional mom and somehow there's a backhanded insult in that? No different than a SAHP or SAHS saying they're the CEO of the Smith family. Should CEO's of actual corporations start looking for inference that somehow those "family CEO's" are implying they hold a more vital job than running a corporation? Why waste the emotional energy to take something in that is so meaningless to your life (your being the general population, not you specifically)? I'm assuming this friend didn't call Swamp unprofessional or dig at her being a lawyer. Like Goldengirl relayed it probably was some self-deprecating humor. Most people do it to some regard in areas of their life they lack confidence in or are uncomfortable with.
Here's an example where I say I see women as being too sensitive and I don't know, maybe just so biologically different than men. A friend buried their 14 month old daughter about 6 months ago. They now have a 2 month old daughter. A store clerk asked if the two month old is their first. Wife says no, we have a daughter in heaven. The clerk replies "I'm sorry, that must be hard for you." The wife chooses to be insulted that this clerk, who they knew all of fifteen seconds, was implying that the wife must be struggling and unable to deal with burying a child. The husband took the comment in as nothing more than the clerk acknowledging that the wife said they buried a child. No insult, no inference, no nothing else. The wife was worked up for days over it and why, what did that do for her?
So, how long before someone who has lost a child has to act as if it didn't upset them at all? How long do they have to overreact to every comment before they're just oversensitive? My SIL just buried her 15 month old son 3 months ago, how much longer does she get a little extra kindness? Of all the examples you could have picked from, THAT was what you chose to use? Women may be oversensitive rather often but men are completely oblivious to everything just as often. She and they can have as much time as they want. It doesn't matter if it is weeks, months or years. I hope we never stop talking about their daughter and remembering her short life. I also hope the kindness people have shown continues. I purposely picked this example as both the husband and wife were there so it wasn't as if the wife was retelling the story asking the husband how he would react. The husband isn't oblivious, it was his daughter too. He took the comment in as how thoughtful someone said I'm sorry. That's what I mean by she reacted sensitively because she took the comment in as a slight to her. Two people standing next to each were told the exact same thing and the reactions were on either end of the spectrum. I think it was nice the clerk said I'm sorry. So many people look at the ground or quickly change the subject. Why would being told "I'm sorry for your loss" be a dig at the wife? I am serious with my question, why in the world would she think the clerk was insulting her? The husband was dumbfounded at her reaction, we discussed this for weeks afterwards as he couldn't see where the issue was yet she wouldn't let it go. Again, I will be very clear it wasn't that she was grieving it was that she thought she was being insulted that had those around her confused at her reaction.
|
|
Firebird
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 12:55:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,452
|
Post by Firebird on Oct 27, 2014 11:59:22 GMT -5
Again, I will be very clear it wasn't that she was grieving it was that she thought she was being insulted that had those around her confused at her reaction.
What part of "her inaccurate interpretation of an innocent and kind comment from a stranger likely had to do with her grief because grief tends to distort reality" isn't sinking in for you?
|
|
Angel!
Senior Associate
Politics Admin
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 11:44:08 GMT -5
Posts: 10,722
|
Post by Angel! on Oct 27, 2014 12:01:34 GMT -5
So, how long before someone who has lost a child has to act as if it didn't upset them at all? How long do they have to overreact to every comment before they're just oversensitive? My SIL just buried her 15 month old son 3 months ago, how much longer does she get a little extra kindness? Of all the examples you could have picked from, THAT was what you chose to use? Women may be oversensitive rather often but men are completely oblivious to everything just as often. She and they can have as much time as they want. It doesn't matter if it is weeks, months or years. I hope we never stop talking about their daughter and remembering her short life. I also hope the kindness people have shown continues. I purposely picked this example as both the husband and wife were there so it wasn't as if the wife was retelling the story asking the husband how he would react. The husband isn't oblivious, it was his daughter too. He took the comment in as how thoughtful someone said I'm sorry. That's what I mean by she reacted sensitively because she took the comment in as a slight to her. Two people standing next to each were told the exact same thing and the reactions were on either end of the spectrum. I think it was nice the clerk said I'm sorry. So many people look at the ground or quickly change the subject. Why would being told "I'm sorry for your loss" be a dig at the wife? I am serious with my question, why in the world would she think the clerk was insulting her? The husband was dumbfounded at her reaction, we discussed this for weeks afterwards as he couldn't see where the issue was yet she wouldn't let it go. Again, I will be very clear it wasn't that she was grieving it was that she thought she was being insulted that had those around her confused at her reaction. This is why it is just better to not ask personal questions of random strangers. You never know when you might hit a hot button topic & piss someone off.
I still remember the woman that was joking around & kept asking me questions about my black eye. Do she really think that my black eye had anything besides a bad story behind it or that I really want to share it with a random stranger?
|
|
Chocolate Lover
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 15:54:19 GMT -5
Posts: 23,200
|
Post by Chocolate Lover on Oct 27, 2014 12:02:16 GMT -5
So, how long before someone who has lost a child has to act as if it didn't upset them at all? How long do they have to overreact to every comment before they're just oversensitive? My SIL just buried her 15 month old son 3 months ago, how much longer does she get a little extra kindness? Of all the examples you could have picked from, THAT was what you chose to use? Women may be oversensitive rather often but men are completely oblivious to everything just as often. She and they can have as much time as they want. It doesn't matter if it is weeks, months or years. I hope we never stop talking about their daughter and remembering her short life. I also hope the kindness people have shown continues. I purposely picked this example as both the husband and wife were there so it wasn't as if the wife was retelling the story asking the husband how he would react. The husband isn't oblivious, it was his daughter too. He took the comment in as how thoughtful someone said I'm sorry. That's what I mean by she reacted sensitively because she took the comment in as a slight to her. Two people standing next to each were told the exact same thing and the reactions were on either end of the spectrum. I think it was nice the clerk said I'm sorry. So many people look at the ground or quickly change the subject. Why would being told "I'm sorry for your loss" be a dig at the wife? I am serious with my question, why in the world would she think the clerk was insulting her? The husband was dumbfounded at her reaction, we discussed this for weeks afterwards as he couldn't see where the issue was yet she wouldn't let it go. Again, I will be very clear it wasn't that she was grieving it was that she thought she was being insulted that had those around her confused at her reaction. The woman is still in a ton of pain AND full of crazy hormonal changes at the moment, I'm amazed she hasn't done MORE things that have dumbfounded her husband. NO the clerk didn't say anything wrong, but I'm betting that maybe she took it as a judgement on her because she's beating herself up for doing this or that wrong. I have no idea what happened to their child so I can't say if she thinks she has herself to blame for her child's short life. You know the whole if I'd eaten better or done this right or better or whatever that moms do to themselves when their baby dies.
|
|
ArchietheDragon
Junior Associate
Joined: Jul 7, 2014 14:29:23 GMT -5
Posts: 6,379
|
Post by ArchietheDragon on Oct 27, 2014 12:02:23 GMT -5
She and they can have as much time as they want. It doesn't matter if it is weeks, months or years. I hope we never stop talking about their daughter and remembering her short life. I also hope the kindness people have shown continues. I purposely picked this example as both the husband and wife were there so it wasn't as if the wife was retelling the story asking the husband how he would react. The husband isn't oblivious, it was his daughter too. He took the comment in as how thoughtful someone said I'm sorry. That's what I mean by she reacted sensitively because she took the comment in as a slight to her. Two people standing next to each were told the exact same thing and the reactions were on either end of the spectrum. I think it was nice the clerk said I'm sorry. So many people look at the ground or quickly change the subject. Why would being told "I'm sorry for your loss" be a dig at the wife? I am serious with my question, why in the world would she think the clerk was insulting her? The husband was dumbfounded at her reaction, we discussed this for weeks afterwards as he couldn't see where the issue was yet she wouldn't let it go. Again, I will be very clear it wasn't that she was grieving it was that she thought she was being insulted that had those around her confused at her reaction. This is why it is just better to not ask personal questions of random strangers. You never know when you might hit a hot button topic & piss someone off. That is why I like the north east. people don't talk to each other.
|
|
Angel!
Senior Associate
Politics Admin
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 11:44:08 GMT -5
Posts: 10,722
|
Post by Angel! on Oct 27, 2014 12:02:56 GMT -5
Again, I will be very clear it wasn't that she was grieving it was that she thought she was being insulted that had those around her confused at her reaction.
What part of "her inaccurate interpretation of an innocent and kind comment from a stranger likely had to do with her grief because grief tends to distort reality" isn't sinking in for you? Don't forget about the possibility of PPD. Then just new mommy hormones can't make you crazy.
Sorry, but you get a pass in her situation regardless of what the clerk's intent was.
|
|
Firebird
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 12:55:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,452
|
Post by Firebird on Oct 27, 2014 12:03:29 GMT -5
There's a difference between "being oversensitive" and "being more sensitive than usual due to a period of unspeakable grief."
It's easy to misinterpret things when you're already feeling broken.
|
|
muttleynfelix
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 15:32:52 GMT -5
Posts: 9,406
|
Post by muttleynfelix on Oct 27, 2014 12:06:45 GMT -5
There's a difference between "being oversensitive" and "being more sensitive than usual due to a period of unspeakable grief." It's easy to misinterpret things when you're already feeling broken. Add in more than likely sleep deprived as well - that can make things sound different in your head than you they actually are.
|
|
Firebird
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 12:55:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,452
|
Post by Firebird on Oct 27, 2014 12:07:10 GMT -5
I still remember the woman that was joking around & kept asking me questions about my black eye. Do she really think that my black eye had anything besides a bad story behind it or that I really want to share it with a random stranger?
Was this someone you knew, or a stranger? I'd never ask a stranger about a black eye, but if it was a coworker or friend I would probably say something like, "OMG what happened to your eye? Are you okay?" Same as I would ask about a broken leg.
Honestly, my first thought would be some kind of accident, not domestic violence. Unless, of course, I already knew that person was having trouble at home.
|
|
Firebird
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 12:55:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,452
|
Post by Firebird on Oct 27, 2014 12:07:57 GMT -5
Good point about the hormones. I can't imagine taking care of a newborn while grieving my first baby. drivingaround, you are in a hole and you might want to stop digging. Just a friendly suggestion.
|
|