zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,909
|
Post by zibazinski on Sept 29, 2014 13:30:50 GMT -5
Parents have to be creative.
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,909
|
Post by zibazinski on Sept 29, 2014 13:33:00 GMT -5
Now I would have never threatened my children with something like zombies or monsters or the old age favorite, policemen. That doesn't mean I don't think the story of the giant behind the kitchen doors isn't funny but I have the kids who'd want to go see the giant.
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,909
|
Post by zibazinski on Sept 29, 2014 13:35:12 GMT -5
DD loved to fish but had a hissy about eating the fish that was caught. So I told her the fish we were eating came from Publix. I also threatened DS with the hounds of hell if he told her any different.
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,909
|
Post by zibazinski on Sept 29, 2014 13:36:51 GMT -5
It seems to be an older person line. I know my grandma used it.
|
|
ArchietheDragon
Junior Associate
Joined: Jul 7, 2014 14:29:23 GMT -5
Posts: 6,379
|
Post by ArchietheDragon on Sept 29, 2014 13:39:25 GMT -5
Ho Ho Ho...... Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy. Fake, fake, fake. Oh, the Horrors.
I too am a believer in being truthful to one's kids (or at least to figure selective omissions when need be). However there is a point where it becomes impractical and dogmatic. There is a difference between a little white lie and telling you kids the cops will take them away if they are bad..... Agreed. But in order for a story to have enough impact to control a kid's actions, that story has to really impact and scare the kid. And if my choices are 1. to scare my kid like that and have a random stranger think my kid acts well, or 2. not scare my kid and have a random stranger think my kid does not act well, I will take the later.
|
|
happyhoix
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Oct 7, 2011 7:22:42 GMT -5
Posts: 21,514
|
Post by happyhoix on Sept 29, 2014 13:42:35 GMT -5
Now I would have never threatened my children with something like zombies or monsters or the old age favorite, policemen. That doesn't mean I don't think the story of the giant behind the kitchen doors isn't funny but I have the kids who'd want to go see the giant. Well, it wouldn't have worked with my DS because he was a very shy little boy and intimidated in public spaces already; if he thought there were giants in the kitchen waiting to eat him if he screwed up he probably would never have wanted to go to a restaurant again.
|
|
gacpa
Familiar Member
Joined: Nov 19, 2013 16:08:06 GMT -5
Posts: 738
|
Post by gacpa on Sept 29, 2014 13:45:49 GMT -5
Wow, I am glad I found a good topic for everyone to share their thoughts.
I don't hate kids, but this was a temper tantrum type of scream and the parents were doing nothing to stop it. It was a family style BBQ casual restaurant and so yes, I expect to see kids and I expect to hear them once in a while also. This was past the point of being able to "grin and bear it" and "kids will be kids".
My parents would not tolerate bad behavior in public out of us. If we acted up in a restaurant, we were escorted outside for a spanking and got to sit in the car until we straightened up. Did not matter to Mom and Dad if it ruined dinner for everyone, we were not getting away with it.
I admit we did not eat out much when our son was small because I did not want to take a chance on him acting out. I understand parents who do want to eat out, but my gosh, make the kids behave!
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,909
|
Post by zibazinski on Sept 29, 2014 13:47:00 GMT -5
You have to know your kids. But if your kids can't behave in public, keep them private. Some can, some can't. Whether its shitty parenting or shitty kids, don't know, don't care. Just don't inflict them on others. Btw, their outside voices and screeching isn't welcome either so if you think it's "talking" or "laughing" you'd be wrong.
|
|
Wisconsin Beth
Distinguished Associate
No, we don't walk away. But when we're holding on to something precious, we run.
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 11:59:36 GMT -5
Posts: 30,626
|
Post by Wisconsin Beth on Sept 29, 2014 13:50:13 GMT -5
Now I would have never threatened my children with something like zombies or monsters or the old age favorite, policemen. That doesn't mean I don't think the story of the giant behind the kitchen doors isn't funny but I have the kids who'd want to go see the giant. Well, it wouldn't have worked with my DS because he was a very shy little boy and intimidated in public spaces already; if he thought there were giants in the kitchen waiting to eat him if he screwed up he probably would never have wanted to go to a restaurant again. Mine would more than likely kick up a fuss about wanting to see the giant or being scared of the giant. And I'd have to deal with nightmares during the night.
|
|
Sam_2.0
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 15:42:45 GMT -5
Posts: 12,350
|
Post by Sam_2.0 on Sept 29, 2014 13:54:30 GMT -5
We don't play into the Easter Bunny or Santa. DD's picked it up from others but we don't encourage it at all. And DH is big on making sure she knows policemen and firemen are here for our safety. He has her introduce herself to them when we are out & about and we stress that she can always ask them for help if she can't find mommy & daddy. But we have cops/firefighters in our families too so our close relationships with them probably change how we teach her to interact with them.
We don't tell DD white lies to get her to behave. We stress consequences - good choices get good consequences, and bad choices have bad consequences. If she's being terrible when we are out in public we first will try to take her out to correct the behavior. If she doesn't correct, then she knows the consequence is that we leave and our fun time out ends. We do have snacks handy and we let her watch shows or play games on our phones if the wait has been really long and she's getting too antsy.
And we absolutely don't allow her to roam around the restaurant unattended! That's the best way to trip a server and annoy the hell out of everyone else. She has to learn to sit in her seat and be patient while we wait for our turn to order and then to eat.
|
|
muttleynfelix
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 15:32:52 GMT -5
Posts: 9,406
|
Post by muttleynfelix on Sept 29, 2014 13:54:42 GMT -5
Do people really need stories to keep your kids in-line in public? My kids aren't angels, but they aren't little hellions (I don't think) .... of course we give them goldfish crackers while we grocery shop. So they are pretty content while grocery shopping and other than church, we don't get out on a regular basis. If we are out to eat, we work with them to sit still, but we also include them in conversations if we are out. If DD starts babbling to us, we talk to her and ask her opinion. We talk to DS, try to have a conversation with him. We try not to take them out at nap time and we rarely go out in the evenings. That seems to really help the all out meltdowns. They aren't starving and they aren't overtired. We've had to meet family members for supper on occasion and that makes me so paranoid because as bed time approaches my kids behavior does worse. But typically we are meeting someone they love, so they love to sit on that family member's lap and that helps.
|
|
steff
Senior Associate
I'll sleep when I'm dead
Joined: Dec 30, 2010 17:34:24 GMT -5
Posts: 10,779
|
Post by steff on Sept 29, 2014 14:00:08 GMT -5
When my kiddo was little, we only took him to places where being loud wasn't a big deal. If we choose a sit down restaurant over fast food, then we went during off hours. my hubby works nights, so we could go to "dinner" at 3 pm. We had a great sit down burger place that we loved & we would go in the middle of the afternoon when the place was empty. As long as there were no other customers, kiddo could be loud & we'd let him play cars in an empty booth across from us. If there was anyone else in the place, then he had to sit with us & keep the noise down.
My kiddo learned real quick that when we say something we mean it. He threw ONE fit in a grocery store & never saw the inside of a grocery store with me again until he was almost 10. he threw a fit ONCE waiting for a table at a Chinese restaurant. He didn't see the inside of a sit down place for almost a year. so when we took him out & said, it's empty, you can be loud, he understood. If there were others & we said, other people are here, you have to be quiet and stay in your seat or we go home, he sat his happy butt down & behaved. He knew that we had no problem picking up and going home at the drop of a hat and that he wasn't going to get to go again for a longggggggggg time. By age 6-7, we could go eat anywhere & he would behave & use only his inside voice. he knew if he wanted to run & yell that it was to be done at fast food in the play area, not even in the dining room area.
I remember going out to dinner with my cousin, his wife & their 2 kids. their kids were screamers, runners, and generally little shits. I'll never forget my kiddo looking at them & saying "you know we're not in McDonalds right?". My cousins wife about had a shit fit. I laughed. never been out to dinner with them again.
|
|
muttleynfelix
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 15:32:52 GMT -5
Posts: 9,406
|
Post by muttleynfelix on Sept 29, 2014 14:02:09 GMT -5
Agreed. But in order for a story to have enough impact to control a kid's actions, that story has to really impact and scare the kid. And if my choices are 1. to scare my kid like that and have a random stranger think my kid acts well, or 2. not scare my kid and have a random stranger think my kid does not act well, I will take the later. Well of course you know already that I prefer 3. Don't put the kid in the situation until he is mature enough to handle it.
The poor little guy was pretty hyper. For him to sit still for that long was really agony- and about impossible. He's not gonna have fun. I'm not gonna have fun. Probably everybody nearby has a diminished experience as well because of the tension. Why do it at all, and spend money to boot?
He was taught the way to behave in that type of situation, and when he was old enough to do it we all enjoyed it. Seems reasonable to me.
We never go anywhere without the kids having a couple of matchbox cars. They can sit in their seat and push the cars between each other. Obviously, we go to family friendly places (and we have to make sure they don't get overly rambunctious).. But basically I would not take my 2 kids - ages 1.5 and 4.5 anywhere without having them something to do - coloring, matchbox cars, something. I can't sit still without having something to do. Why would I think my kids could do it?
|
|
HoneyBBQ
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 27, 2010 10:36:09 GMT -5
Posts: 5,395
Mini-Profile Background: {"image":"","color":"3b444e"}
|
Post by HoneyBBQ on Sept 29, 2014 14:11:17 GMT -5
Besides 'being lucky' I think there are a few other things that can be done to help kids be ABLE to handle situations in public like airplanes and restaurants.
1. Preparation. Bring cheerios to snack on and keep child quiet. I always bring 3 crayons with me and they can color on the kid's menu or on a paper. Or bring a book or a toy. It's not that hard to come prepared. On an airplane bring lots of snacks and new toys to keep them occupied.
2. State of mind. If child is crazy in the afternoon, probably they shouldn't be going to dinner that night. They need to have had exercise and be ready for some 'sit down' time, but not so exhausted they'll be insane.
3. Routine practice. We travel quite a bit, and usually all go together as a family since we work in the same field. Practice makes perfect. We refresh expectations often (indoor voices, you have to sit with your seatbelt on when this light is on, etc). Our child isn't perfect but she usually she gets over her tantrums pretty quickly without anyone's ears bleeding.
4. Don't sweat the small stuff. Have reasonable expectations. Leave a big tip if your kid makes a mess. It's not that hard. Obviously every child is different and it's not possible for ALL kids but this is what works for us.
|
|
raeoflyte
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 3, 2011 15:43:53 GMT -5
Posts: 14,973
|
Post by raeoflyte on Sept 29, 2014 14:32:47 GMT -5
There is, however, a difference in kids being a little loud and kids being totally uncontrolled and being allowed to scream at the top of their lungs and run wild. I can't think of many places I've been that were totally silent. This is what is hard to convey. Years ago we went to a Denny's with a friend and her 3 kids. Her youngest ran wild, and actually climbed up and over every single table and booth in the section of the smokers section of the restaurant that was closed. I chased after him for most of the night and did actually take him out to the car to sit with him when his behavior had gotten even worse. That was mortifying and we were astonished that mom was oblivious, but to be fair her life was a complete wreck at the time and I would imagine that behavior wouldn't have registered to her as a problem given everything else she was going through. She was completely broke and we bought all of their meals so its not like she made a habit of inflicting her brood on others. But for as outrageous as that is, I have also been out to restaurants dozens of times when the kids get a little loud or start the silverware tapping. We redirect them, and usually it works and we go about our meal, or we abandon ship as quickly as possible. There was a while that we asked for the check and to-go boxes when we ordered so we were extra prepared just in case. With 2 it hasn't been worth it to go out and pay to eat cold food so we don't try it much lately. But there are plenty of people who get irritated at any sound a child makes and those people drive me nuts. We're not taking the kids to fine dining. We take them to family run places, and at most Outback.
|
|
whoisjohngalt
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 14:12:07 GMT -5
Posts: 9,140
|
Post by whoisjohngalt on Sept 29, 2014 15:00:49 GMT -5
To answer the OP: No, you're aren't wrong to ask to be moved. That's fine. But afternoon at a BBQ joint screams "family environment" to me... pun intended. I imagine there were TVs on blaring football. I find that infinitely more annoying and distracting than children. We take my almost 3 yr old out to eat maybe 1x a week. We bring things to entertain her and read to her, etc.If she really starts screaming/yelling, one of us will take her out and try to calm her down. I have taken her to a restaurant with white table linens and cloth napkins before. It CAN be done. We do it regularly so that she has practice behaving in restaurants and knows what is expected of her. Seattle is a very family friendly place and there are several restaurants that have train tables and play areas IN the restaurant. We try to go to those more often than others, but she also knows how to behave in an 'adult' environment. Then again, my child has been on 8 or 10 round trip flights and we've never had a complaint voiced to us about her, either. Maybe we are just lucky. In places with family environment and TVs the kid has to be pretty damn loud to be heard at other tables. There is an Italian place we go to in MD that plays Italian music over the whole place. I think they do it so no one can hear anyone.
|
|
whoisjohngalt
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 14:12:07 GMT -5
Posts: 9,140
|
Post by whoisjohngalt on Sept 29, 2014 15:06:07 GMT -5
On a side note -I need to go and hug my children bc they've never done any of the things described on this thread.
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,909
|
Post by zibazinski on Sept 29, 2014 15:12:32 GMT -5
We HAD one of those here and we used to go there when the one that is now 4 was younger and it was just him. Food was decent and the place was full of kids so one more chattering at top of lungs was a non issue. Funny enough, now they have 2 kids and are sick themselves, of the 4 year olds behavior. They can't hire a babysitter that will stay and family won't sit him so they either have to civilize him or stay home with him. So now when his behavior is an inconvenience to them, they're going to civilize him. If restaurants would start asking families with out of control kids to leave, then the inconvenience is on them, not others. Which is as it should be.
|
|
cronewitch
Junior Associate
I identify as a post-menopausal childless cat lady and I vote.
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 21:44:20 GMT -5
Posts: 5,979
|
Post by cronewitch on Sept 29, 2014 15:35:28 GMT -5
I took a little girl to the zoo once and she started to climb into the lion cage. I was afraid if I tried to catch her she would go faster. I said calmly,"they will eat you" she backed off. She really thought lions would eat children, I hope she isn't scared for life.
|
|
Green Eyed Lady
Senior Associate
Look inna eye! Always look inna eye!
Joined: Jan 23, 2012 11:23:55 GMT -5
Posts: 19,629
|
Post by Green Eyed Lady on Sept 29, 2014 15:42:13 GMT -5
This thread made me remember and laugh (again) about the time my brother threw a major temper tantrum in a grocery store. It was over bubble gum. He was way old enough to know better but was sure my mom wouldn't half kill him in front of people.
Boy...was he wrong.
|
|
Miss Tequila
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 10:13:45 GMT -5
Posts: 20,602
|
Post by Miss Tequila on Sept 29, 2014 15:42:26 GMT -5
I have kids and if I'm out to dinner I will ask to be moved if I'm near little kids. It is easier to get moved up front then wait to see if the kids are the ones that are allowed to stand up, bang off the chairs/booths, scream, etc. Some kids are well behaved but I don't want to put up with the ones that aren't.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Sept 28, 2024 17:45:42 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 29, 2014 15:48:48 GMT -5
I'm at the point where the kids don't even necessarily sit with me at a restaurant
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Sept 28, 2024 17:45:42 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 29, 2014 17:05:43 GMT -5
I don't have kids, I don't want kids, I don't like kids. What I do have is a hearing aid and a high tolerance for loud noises. Meaning I usually can't hear them. BUT, I will be goddamned if some asshole's precious little shit is standing up in the booth behind me screeching like a fucking hyena in the one working ear I have and the parents thinking "Oh aren't they just precious?!?!" NO they are not!!!! I have no hearing in one ear and would like to keep what's left in the other ear. If you don't want me to stab you in the head with my fork, just so you get the idea of what it sounds/feels like when your little shit is screeching, then shut it up!!! It is not cute to me or anyone else around us. And if I get one more present from the brat throwing things around the restaurant, they are going to be getting it whipped right back at their heads. I'm fine with picking up a baby's toy when they drop it, and yes, they have dropped it, but when it's a 6 to 12 year old who should know better throwing it in a temper tantrum, my tolerance goes down. Just ask my cousin's kids. They learned that the hard way. And from their aunt, not me.
My other favorite is when DH gets the dirty looks because he is trying to walk, such as it is, his disabled ass from the men's room to the table and some stupid little shits are in the middle the aisle running around.
I don't go to Chuck E. Cheese for a reason. McD's is done through the drive-through, when I go.
Of course, this is just me and my opinion and circumstances. Dinner out is NOT a right, it is a privilege. Just like getting a driver's license or having sex, whether you pay for it or not. If I'm paying a decent chunk of change for a meal out, I really don't think it's asking a lot that manners, remember those?, are practiced by the brats AND the parents.
|
|
HoneyBBQ
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 27, 2010 10:36:09 GMT -5
Posts: 5,395
Mini-Profile Background: {"image":"","color":"3b444e"}
|
Post by HoneyBBQ on Sept 29, 2014 17:48:44 GMT -5
|
|
achelois
Well-Known Member
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 9:55:44 GMT -5
Posts: 1,479
|
Post by achelois on Sept 29, 2014 19:38:51 GMT -5
Too bad kids don't come with mute buttons or volume controls. Serious design flaw, IMHO.
|
|
milee
Senior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2012 13:20:00 GMT -5
Posts: 12,344
|
Post by milee on Sept 29, 2014 19:57:52 GMT -5
Too bad kids don't come with mute buttons or volume controls. Serious design flaw, IMHO.
|
|
milee
Senior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2012 13:20:00 GMT -5
Posts: 12,344
|
Post by milee on Sept 29, 2014 19:59:44 GMT -5
Can't get my reply in that post for some reason.
I meant to type that I believe all new parents should be issued with a tranquilizer dart gun. Very handy. You could just shoot any misbehaving kids and quiet them down mid-run. Or, if things got bad enough, you could just shoot yourself.
|
|
TheOtherMe
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 14:40:52 GMT -5
Posts: 28,029
Mini-Profile Name Color: e619e6
|
Post by TheOtherMe on Sept 29, 2014 20:30:39 GMT -5
BIL used to take his kids outside if they started to misbehave. Niece is the one in our family with kids. If their father is along, they behave or else and they know it. When they were younger, he took them to the car to wait until my niece was finished with the meal and he didn't expect her to hurry. Only the misbehaving child had to leave, not both. Great niece can be a terror. DS has times when she tells her if she behaves like she did the last time she took her out, they are leaving. I have taken her out once. Trying to control her that one time was enough for me. I took some toys in her purse and restaurant gave her colors--they weren't the right colors that she wanted to use. I knew she was going to melt down, so I caught the waitress and told her to make it to go. This kid was known for melt downs when she was younger. I didn't have kids and don't regret it. I don't like kids kicking my seat on airplanes either.
|
|
shanendoah
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 19:44:48 GMT -5
Posts: 10,096
Mini-Profile Name Color: 0c3563
|
Post by shanendoah on Sept 29, 2014 21:54:00 GMT -5
As a foster parent, for the sake of children everywhere, do NOT tell kids that if they are "bad" the police will take them away. Because sometimes the police have to come and take little kids away, and with very few exceptions, it has NOTHING to do with the kid. But if their parents have told them, or if their friends tell them, that the police take away kids who have been bad, guess who the kid thinks is responsible?
Pop Tart is 11. She has been to a fairly nice Indian restaurant with us a couple times, but generally does well when included in conversation or given some other distraction. She rarely gets to take her Nintendo DS places with her, but if we think we're going somewhere she'll get bored and restless, it comes with us. (Sadly, she is one of those kids who will happily tune into a screen and turn her brain off any chance she gets.) If she were more of a reader, books would come with us. Still, for the most part, if we're out with her, we're at Old Spaghetti Factory, Red Robin, MAYBE Outback.
I have no problem with people who ask to be moved away from screaming kids in a restaurant.
But I also try not to judge the parents, or the adults with the child. Because it might not be their parent. I know nothing about their life. I have no idea why the kid is screaming, no idea what actions actually work to calm the child down, no idea if there are underlying medical reasons behind a kid being loud (like hearing loss), etc. And some people just don't have the luxury of being able to leave their kids elsewhere while they grocery shop for five years.
I think as a parent, you have a duty to make the right decisions for your child and family. If that means you don't take your kid(s) out to eat because they can't sit still, good on you. If it means you tag team taking the kid(s) out of the restaurant so you can both eat, go for it. But I also think kids are kids and sometimes they are a little loud, sometimes they go from angel to meltdown in less than 5 seconds, and sometimes, you don't have a partner to tag team with.
But most of the complaining on this thread is the very definition of privilege, of assuming that everyone has the same options you do, that you don't have to know their actual situation to know better than they do.
I am not claiming to be perfect. I judge people all the time. I try to be aware of it. I try to understand my own prejudices, but I know they are there. This just happens to be one place where I have fewer of them, due to experience with the foster care system.
|
|
andi9899
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 6, 2011 10:22:29 GMT -5
Posts: 31,286
|
Post by andi9899 on Sept 29, 2014 22:34:05 GMT -5
This thread made me remember and laugh (again) about the time my brother threw a major temper tantrum in a grocery store. It was over bubble gum. He was way old enough to know better but was sure my mom wouldn't half kill him in front of people. Boy...was he wrong. I did that too. I wanted something (don't remember what) that my mom wouldn't buy me. I started throwing a fit and she beat the crap out of me in the middle of the store. Of course, that was in the 80s when you could smack your kid in public.
|
|