ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ
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Post by ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ on Sept 29, 2014 22:54:39 GMT -5
If a kid is acting up/screaming in a restaurant, disturbing other patrons, it's up to the parent (or adult) with them to tell them to mind their manners and be quiet (use their "indoor voices), and behave. If it continues, it's time for the parent or adult to remove them from the restaurant instead of letting them continue, instead of upsetting other diners from enjoying their meal.
Nothing worse than having a kid having a tantrum, or tearing around the restaurant while the adults stay oblivious. If the child with you can't behave and use their "indoor voice", they're not ready for public dining.
Even my 4 and 7 year old niece and nephew have been taught manners and quiet when in public - especially restaurants. No fussing or acting up.
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cronewitch
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Post by cronewitch on Sept 29, 2014 23:47:37 GMT -5
My great aunt had a grand daughter and great grand son come to visit for a week or so. The first day they went to lunch 3 year old boy in high chair, he was allowed to order what he wanted and they were waiting for food. He saw another kid get something else and wanted to change his order. He was loud and his mother was about to change it for him. Great grandma said I don't have to put up with this and went to the car. Soon grand daughter and great grandson came out, nobody got lunch. Next day they go to lunch again as they entered the restaurant the boy turned to great grandma and said "good, huh". Great grandmothers have low tolerance for brats, brat was a fast study.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Sept 30, 2014 7:27:06 GMT -5
If a kid is acting up/screaming in a restaurant, disturbing other patrons, it's up to the parent (or adult) with them to tell them to mind their manners and be quiet (use their "indoor voices), and behave. If it continues, it's time for the parent or adult to remove them from the restaurant instead of letting them continue, instead of upsetting other diners from enjoying their meal.
Nothing worse than having a kid having a tantrum, or tearing around the restaurant while the adults stay oblivious. If the child with you can't behave and use their "indoor voice", they're not ready for public dining.
Even my 4 and 7 year old niece and nephew have been taught manners and quiet when in public - especially restaurants. No fussing or acting up.
This is the problem, the parents wont remove their child from the place they are acting up in. When people glare, they're oblivious. Nothing will make these parents "parent" until it inconveniences them. I watched it in school and I watch it in real life. When no one would partner with a child who was never taught to control themselves in school and they had to sit out in partner games and went home and told mommy and daddy and I'd get the phone call, it was always my sad duty to report that I cannot legally force another child to be their child's partner and that their child's behavior has brought this on themselves. Usually the child straightened out then. When parents are asked to leave public places because they won't control their child, they will start making wiser choices as to when and where they go. I've seen stores, granted mom and pop stores, ask parents to leave because their child was out of of control. These parents get all huffy but the other adults clap and cheer. Then they get huffier because its not "kid friendly." Well, yes it is but you suck as a parent. That's what people are really saying. Don't freaking shop when it's nap time or they're hungry. Guess what? Kids change your life. It's a fact that good parents deal with. Bad parents don't. Now that no one will babysit the 4 year old including PAID babysitters, his parents are trying to get him to behave. Good luck with that. He's 4. His patterns are pretty much set. We babysat ONCE, he has no bedtime no meal time and he is out of control. I told him if he pooped his pants, he'd sit in it until his parents came home because I wasn't changing a 4 year olds diaper. They said they'd be gone for 2 hours and stretched it to almost 5. Last time we ever sat for them. Didnt tell them why, they should know but I doubt they do because its all about them. So their child thinks its all about him. A house full of selfish people. Good luck. Hope the baby isn't ruined by them but I doubt it has a prayer. They weren't even invited to come and stay at condo because bio grandma said kid was always out of control with no bedtime. She wasnt dealing with it, either. Bad/lazy parents raising a bad child. Very sad for the child. He's disliked because of his behavior and I don't think it's his fault but theirs. Former stepson actually called DF to complain about being ostracized because of his child and DF amazingly enough wasnt tactful and said he needed to step up to the plate and get that child under control and to not ruin the other one. I'm sure that went over well. ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/tongue.png)
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Nazgul Girl
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Post by Nazgul Girl on Sept 30, 2014 9:06:23 GMT -5
We won't sit at the narrow tables which are lined up a a long banquette seat (bench ) on one side and one or two chairs on the other anymore. We were at a California Pizza kitchen when the hostess pushed two of the narrow tables together right beside us, and proceeded to seat two mommies, two strollers 3 toddlers and two babies right beside us.
It was World War Zoo. The mommies were loud and oblivious. The babies were crying. The toddlers were running all over the place, walking over to us ( just about 2 ft away ) on the banquette and poking me, trying to get DH to notice them, throwing bread, etc. Just wonderful. The mothers could have cared less.
Nope, no thanks, no seating at tables pushed really close together, and no banquette seating.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Sept 30, 2014 9:22:57 GMT -5
What nonsense! No one should have to put up with that abuse. That restaurant should have comped your meal at the very least.
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Nazgul Girl
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Post by Nazgul Girl on Sept 30, 2014 9:44:49 GMT -5
I think if the parents are trying their best to work with their screaming children, then they're doing all they can do. I think parents who bring the kids to a white-glove service restaurant are asking for trouble, and they should get a babysitter, yes indeed. I think that all kids have meltdowns, but it's not okay to just say, " My little angel is having a meltdown, so deal with it. " Ah, no, that would be you, the parent, who needs to deal with it.
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Nazgul Girl
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Post by Nazgul Girl on Sept 30, 2014 9:46:26 GMT -5
What nonsense! No one should have to put up with that abuse. That restaurant should have comped your meal at the very least. The restaurant was oblivious, too. We didn't go back for a good many years, because it's in a popular mall, and it's a mommy destination. When we did go back, they were quite rude when we said we wanted a booth all our own, and wanted to divide a big salad. We didn't go back for years more.....
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Sept 30, 2014 9:47:49 GMT -5
Tons of restaurants. I do reviews, good and bad, when we eat out now. I read others before trying a new place, too.
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Nazgul Girl
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Post by Nazgul Girl on Sept 30, 2014 9:49:16 GMT -5
When she was young, my DD tried a tantrum in a store about twice. We immediately left the store ( didn't go through checkout or anything ), and when we got home, I spanked her fanny. She learned fast. Never had a problem with tantrums after the age of 3 1/2. She knew tantrums=sore fanny.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Sept 30, 2014 9:50:01 GMT -5
I spoke to management in the California pizza kitchen in the international mall in Tampa. Server slipped DD his phone number. I ran a background check and he had a criminal record plus he lied about his age. I've never been back and I tell people the story.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Sept 30, 2014 9:53:11 GMT -5
No, I don't think it's wrong to request a different seat or leave due to a screaming kid, especially if their parents aren't doing anything.
I still remember several months ago grabbing dinner at Panda Express and there was a kid in the restaurant literally screaming and would not stop. It was the worst kind of scream too, the high pitched eardrum shattering scream that makes you cringe. His parents acted like they didn't notice.
Granted, this was basically a fast food place so I just ate quickly and left. But I did briefly consider going over there to tell the parents to shut their kid up. I generally don't mind kids, and I'm usually even willing to put up with crying kids. Normally when babies or young children cry, it doesn't last long, so I am fine with putting up with it for a while. But it's when it doesn't stop and the parents aren't taking any action that it starts to bug me.
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Nazgul Girl
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Post by Nazgul Girl on Sept 30, 2014 9:54:53 GMT -5
As a foster parent, for the sake of children everywhere, do NOT tell kids that if they are "bad" the police will take them away. Because sometimes the police have to come and take little kids away, and with very few exceptions, it has NOTHING to do with the kid. But if their parents have told them, or if their friends tell them, that the police take away kids who have been bad, guess who the kid thinks is responsible?
Pop Tart is 11. She has been to a fairly nice Indian restaurant with us a couple times, but generally does well when included in conversation or given some other distraction. She rarely gets to take her Nintendo DS places with her, but if we think we're going somewhere she'll get bored and restless, it comes with us. (Sadly, she is one of those kids who will happily tune into a screen and turn her brain off any chance she gets.) If she were more of a reader, books would come with us. Still, for the most part, if we're out with her, we're at Old Spaghetti Factory, Red Robin, MAYBE Outback.
I have no problem with people who ask to be moved away from screaming kids in a restaurant.
But I also try not to judge the parents, or the adults with the child. Because it might not be their parent. I know nothing about their life. I have no idea why the kid is screaming, no idea what actions actually work to calm the child down, no idea if there are underlying medical reasons behind a kid being loud (like hearing loss), etc. And some people just don't have the luxury of being able to leave their kids elsewhere while they grocery shop for five years.
I think as a parent, you have a duty to make the right decisions for your child and family. If that means you don't take your kid(s) out to eat because they can't sit still, good on you. If it means you tag team taking the kid(s) out of the restaurant so you can both eat, go for it. But I also think kids are kids and sometimes they are a little loud, sometimes they go from angel to meltdown in less than 5 seconds, and sometimes, you don't have a partner to tag team with.
But most of the complaining on this thread is the very definition of privilege, of assuming that everyone has the same options you do, that you don't have to know their actual situation to know better than they do.
I am not claiming to be perfect. I judge people all the time. I try to be aware of it. I try to understand my own prejudices, but I know they are there. This just happens to be one place where I have fewer of them, due to experience with the foster care system. Shane, I had a very active kid. She was a handful. I had my share of tough times at restaurants and in church. I think to say that " the complaining on this thread is the very definition of privilege " is way off base. I can't even believe that you wrote that. I think most adults understand that children have their difficulties, right along with their parents. But, if the parents use their common sense as you do with Pop Tart, then the general public is understanding. If a child is luckless enough to have lousy parents who don't train them, teach them, feed them at regular times, give them a set bedtime, and expect everyone else to "tolerate" their offspring, then the kids are going to have a difficult life, and the parents are going to take a lot of flack.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Sept 30, 2014 10:04:19 GMT -5
I spoke to management in the California pizza kitchen in the international mall in Tampa. Server slipped DD his phone number. I ran a background check and he had a criminal record plus he lied about his age. I've never been back and I tell people the story. ![](http://syonidv.hodginsmedia.com/vsmileys/yikes.png)
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Sept 30, 2014 10:07:06 GMT -5
Freaky, huh? She was young enough to be flattered. I was with her at the time. He was cute, in her defense, but I had my suspicions. They were right. Something just was "off."
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Sept 30, 2014 10:08:21 GMT -5
I think if the parents are trying their best to work with their screaming children, then they're doing all they can do. I think parents who bring the kids to a white-glove service restaurant are asking for trouble, and they should get a babysitter, yes indeed. I think that all kids have meltdowns, but it's not okay to just say, " My little angel is having a meltdown, so deal with it. " Ah, no, that would be you, the parent, who needs to deal with it. Nope. If they are still inside the restaurant, then they are not doing "all they can do"
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Sept 30, 2014 10:11:15 GMT -5
True. I don't think it should be customers job to do managements. If management had a bunch of people stand up and leave, thereby losing a lot of business, then management would be forced to do their jobs.
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Nazgul Girl
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Post by Nazgul Girl on Sept 30, 2014 10:13:07 GMT -5
I think if the parents are trying their best to work with their screaming children, then they're doing all they can do. I think parents who bring the kids to a white-glove service restaurant are asking for trouble, and they should get a babysitter, yes indeed. I think that all kids have meltdowns, but it's not okay to just say, " My little angel is having a meltdown, so deal with it. " Ah, no, that would be you, the parent, who needs to deal with it. Nope. If they are still inside the restaurant, then they are not doing "all they can do" I disagree. If the baby is crying, and they're trying to sooth it, then I think that's fair. If the toddler is crawling on me and poking at me while I'm trying to eat, while leaving drool and breadcrumbs on my blouse, then they're not doing " all that they can do. " If the baby doesn't calm down and is still crying and screaming, then eventually, it needs to be taken out of the restaurant and burped or walked, etc. I don't think that if a baby wails the kid needs to be taken out right away.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Sept 30, 2014 10:18:57 GMT -5
Shane, I had a very active kid. She was a handful. I had my share of tough times at restaurants and in church. I think to say that " the complaining on this thread is the very definition of privilege " is way off base. I can't even believe that you wrote that. I think most adults understand that children have their difficulties, right along with their parents. But, if the parents use their common sense as you do with Pop Tart, then the general public is understanding. If a child is luckless enough to have lousy parents who don't train them, teach them, feed them at regular times, give them a set bedtime, and expect everyone else to "tolerate" their offspring, then the kids are going to have a difficult life, and the parents are going to take a lot of flack. Yeah, in my experience, if you're clearly working with the kid, people give you some leeway. A couple weeks back, my 6 year bawled her way though Kohl's. The kids needed long pants, I thought DD, at the age of 6, should have input into what colors/styles I bought. She and Cabe found toys they wanted right next to the clothing racks (Thanks Kohls'...) and she carried that damn Barbie car throughout the store, begging me for it. I said no the entire time. Cut short the trip too but had to buy the pants. I don't let the kids peek over the back of booths, no matter if it's fast food or not. I've hauled kids out of stores and I've stayed and let them have the temper tantrum (apologizing to people heading down the aisle - Thank God Woodman's has wide aisles...) and I've had fairly positive reactions in every case. People tend to get that you're trying. And they may very well be judging me. My problem is my kids, not what some person I've never met before is thinking about us.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Sept 30, 2014 10:19:34 GMT -5
Nope. If they are still inside the restaurant, then they are not doing "all they can do" I disagree. If the baby is crying, and they're trying to sooth it, then I think that's fair. If the toddler is crawling on me and poking at me while I'm trying to eat, while leaving drool and breadcrumbs on my blouse, then they're not doing " all that they can do. " If the baby doesn't calm down and is still crying and screaming, then eventually, it needs to be taken out of the restaurant and burped or walked, etc. I don't think that if a baby wails the kid needs to be taken out right away. Why does baby have to cry inside? Why can it not be taken outside? Why does it have to be "eventually'? Not to mention that it's much easier to sooth a baby without 50 people around.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 30, 2014 10:23:53 GMT -5
I do get a little annoyed when people just assume your kid is going to be a monster. I remember a guy on flight to FL sat down in the aisle seat in the row next to us, gave my son and I a dirty look, then asked to be moved (quite vocally). I was like WTH? My son was just short of 2 at the time and had been on a lot of flights. He just sits and watches his movies on his portable DVD and doesn't say a word. I've only had one bad flight with him and it was just a short island hopper one where he didn't have his own seat. Normally he does.
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Nazgul Girl
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Post by Nazgul Girl on Sept 30, 2014 10:26:27 GMT -5
Well, I think it's better not to disrupt the whole dinner with the family if the baby lets out a yawp or a yell. I'm only applying this to infants. Sometimes, just picking up the baby and cuddling it, or applying the pacifier works very effectively. I think that being flexible around others is the best way to go, unless the baby is inconsolable, or the kids are being awful. JMO ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/smiley.png) . Yes, sometimes it's best to take the kid outside. I liked to try other things first, but we were out the door within the first five minutes if DD was inconsolable.
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movingforward
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Post by movingforward on Sept 30, 2014 10:53:16 GMT -5
I have asked to move twice in a restaurant. Once I think we must have been sitting beside Archie's family - LOL! My biggest complaint is not really with kids at restaurants though. Every now and then you do get the 3 yr old throwing a temper tantrum or something but I have also certainly seen some kids who behave just fine in a restaurant. My complaint is really with parents who decide to take their 5 yr old to an adult movie (seen this more times than I can count), or a 2 yr old on a historical walking tour (yes, that happened to me), etc. I spent two hours on a historical walking tour straining to hear the tour guide over a screaming two year old. Not once did the parents decide that maybe they were making the other 15 people on this tour absolutely miserable. A movie theater in town finally caught a clue and now doesn't allow children under the age of 6 into ANY movie over a PG rating after the first show of the day. So all those ridiculous parents who want to take their kids to see movies like The Hangover will have to do it at 11AM in the morning. They are still shitty parents but at least the rest of us won't have to be exposed to knowing how many crappy parents there are letting their kids watch crap they shouldn't be.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Sept 30, 2014 10:57:36 GMT -5
I know I don't go out that often, but where do you all go that kids run wild? Where do parents think it is ok for their kids to run around in a restaurant? Where are parents able to ignore their children when they scream? We don't allow it at home, we certainly don't allow it out and about. While on vacation, we met up with a friend for supper with 2 of her 3 kids. So we had 4 kids between us and 3 adults. The boys would get loud and we would tell them to calm down, indoor voices. We met up with a friend for lunch at a mall in KC last winter with or 2 little girls. Her DD slept and my DD was happily entertained by borrowing my friends DH. I was at a birthday party with my kids and next door neighbor and our boys together can get rowdy, but if they got too loud we reprimanded them, told them to use indoor voices, etc. Eventually, they wanted to go eat outside and we told them to go for it. ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/tongue.png) But really, where are all these places where parents are just magically able to ignore their children. I'm not saying we don't have our bad days, we certainly have. But no massive meltdowns (in the restaurant). No letting things get out of hand. I'm sure some people will point out that I let my DD walk up and down the aisle at a church congregational meeting on Sunday. But she wasn't touching people and she was quiet (the nursery was closed so the nursery attendant could be a part of the meeting).
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Sept 30, 2014 10:59:28 GMT -5
This is what I perceive to be the main issue. We just assumed our lives would change when we had kids. We worked around it, got sitters or stayed home rather than expose our kids to situations they aren't able to cope with. Nowadays a lot of parents just drag their kids along but guess what? Kids haven't changed. They still need naps and food at regular times as well as environments suited to them. I can't tell you how many unhappy children/babies I saw at midnight in key west watching the shoe come down because, by god, their parents were entitled to not miss it or be inconvenienced by their children.
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movingforward
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Post by movingforward on Sept 30, 2014 11:00:50 GMT -5
I know I don't go out that often, but where do you all go that kids run wild? Where do parents think it is ok for their kids to run around in a restaurant? Where are parents able to ignore their children when they scream? We don't allow it at home, we certainly don't allow it out and about. While on vacation, we met up with a friend for supper with 2 of her 3 kids. So we had 4 kids between us and 3 adults. The boys would get loud and we would tell them to calm down, indoor voices. We met up with a friend for lunch at a mall in KC last winter with or 2 little girls. Her DD slept and my DD was happily entertained by borrowing my friends DH. I was at a birthday party with my kids and next door neighbor and our boys together can get rowdy, but if they got too loud we reprimanded them, told them to use indoor voices, etc. Eventually, they wanted to go eat outside and we told them to go for it. ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/tongue.png) But really, where are all these places where parents are just magically able to ignore their children. I'm not saying we don't have our bad days, we certainly have. But no massive meltdowns. No letting things get out of hand. I'm sure some people will point out that I let my DD walk up and down the aisle at a church congregational meeting on Sunday. But she wasn't touching people and she was quiet (the nursery was closed so the nursery attendant could be a part of the meeting). You are a good parent and probably hang around good parents. Your kids probably behave well but about 3 weeks ago (one of the two times I have asked to move in a restaurant), there were 3 kids chasing one another around a table of 9 adults. Not one of the adults said a single word to the kids. They just sat there talking and letting their kids annoy the hell out of everyone.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Sept 30, 2014 11:02:26 GMT -5
I do get a little annoyed when people just assume your kid is going to be a monster. I remember a guy on flight to FL sat down in the aisle seat in the row next to us, gave my son and I a dirty look, then asked to be moved (quite vocally). I was like WTH? My son was just short of 2 at the time and had been on a lot of flights. He just sits and watches his movies on his portable DVD and doesn't say a word. I've only had one bad flight with him and it was just a short island hopper one where he didn't have his own seat. Normally he does. ![](http://syonidv.hodginsmedia.com/vsmileys/yeahthat.gif) I got so many glares when I brought 8mo DD on a plane... she didn't cry once. She did giggle and clap her hands a few time, but if people find that annoying, they can GFT. The drunk guy in front of us who heckled the flight attendant every time she walked by was pretty irritating, but unfortunately, his parents were nowhere to be found. ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/wink.png)
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Sept 30, 2014 11:06:16 GMT -5
midjd - ![](http://syonidv.hodginsmedia.com/vsmileys/rofl.gif) I found people to be MUCH more accommodating when Babybird was 3 months old than they are now. Everyone at the airport cooed over my baby and thought she was so cute. Meanwhile giving the stink-eye to every toddler in sight. I wondered why at the time... ah, I long for the days of parental naivete.
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sam
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Post by sam on Sept 30, 2014 11:09:36 GMT -5
Personally, I don't have a problem with the parents trying to calm their kid before taking them outside. Sometimes going outside or leaving is what the kid wants. In that case, it won't solve the problem or teach them the right way to act. It's those that just ignore the bad behavior or act like it's cute that bothers me.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Sept 30, 2014 11:15:16 GMT -5
I do get a little annoyed when people just assume your kid is going to be a monster. I remember a guy on flight to FL sat down in the aisle seat in the row next to us, gave my son and I a dirty look, then asked to be moved (quite vocally). I was like WTH? My son was just short of 2 at the time and had been on a lot of flights. He just sits and watches his movies on his portable DVD and doesn't say a word. I've only had one bad flight with him and it was just a short island hopper one where he didn't have his own seat. Normally he does. ![](http://syonidv.hodginsmedia.com/vsmileys/yeahthat.gif) I got so many glares when I brought 8mo DD on a plane... she didn't cry once. She did giggle and clap her hands a few time, but if people find that annoying, they can GFT. The drunk guy in front of us who heckled the flight attendant every time she walked by was pretty irritating, but unfortunately, his parents were nowhere to be found. ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/wink.png) Yanno, there may be a solution to all the out-of-control adults on planes after all. Before boarding, they have to provide a name and phone number for adult next-of-kin; a parent, uncle, aunt or sibling. If they get wasted and rowdy, or just start the whole "it's-my-seat-I-paid-for-it-and-I-can-recline-if-I-wanna" rant, let them know that their listed kin will be called. Sheesh, if my dad were still here, and got a call like that, he'd be waiting on the tarmac for me. Not even in the terminal. On the tarmac, leather belt in hand.
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happyhoix
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Oct 7, 2011 7:22:42 GMT -5
Posts: 21,085
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Post by happyhoix on Sept 30, 2014 11:46:39 GMT -5
Actually, in my past job, every new hire had to go to a training class at one of our facilities, and for one of the classes, a new salesman was an ass on the plane there. Got drunk and rowdy, making rude comments to the stewardesses.
He gets to the city where the training class is, shows up for the first session, and is met at the door by one of the higher up sales guys and is promptly fired.
So airlines apparently can, and do, report back to businesses when their employees are getting really out of hand.
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