Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Aug 21, 2014 6:54:46 GMT -5
Maybe? I have no idea. I would hope that my husband would realize the inappropriateness of his feelings and put the kabash on it. But I said, I don't see it as as much of a threat as a reciprocated love. Sent from my Nexus 4 using proboards I have to disagree. The fact that the only thing stopping my husband from having an affair is that the other woman isn't interested wouldn't make it ok. It would be my husband's desire to do it in the first place that would hurt me/piss me off.
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sarcasticgirl
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Post by sarcasticgirl on Aug 21, 2014 7:27:37 GMT -5
Maybe? I have no idea. I would hope that my husband would realize the inappropriateness of his feelings and put the kabash on it. But I said, I don't see it as as much of a threat as a reciprocated love. Sent from my Nexus 4 using proboards I have to disagree. The fact that the only thing stopping my husband from having an affair is that the other woman isn't interested wouldn't make it ok. It would be my husband's desire to do it in the first place that would hurt me/piss me off. I am stating how *I* feel... you can't disagree with how I would feel about a situation, unless you think I am lying... you can feel differently about the same situation in your own life. however, you are escalating the situation from "my husband realized he is in love with someone and they don't feel the same" to "the only thing keeping my man from jumping her bones is her not letting him" I do think those can be two very different things. One is more of a threat than the other- to me. and no one has to agree with me. I realize that may be a foreign concept on this board... i simply don't care to force my opinion upon everyone else.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Aug 21, 2014 10:51:08 GMT -5
however, you are escalating the situation from "my husband realized he is in love with someone and they don't feel the same" to "the only thing keeping my man from jumping her bones is her not letting him" I do think those can be two very different things. One is more of a threat than the other- to me.
Just curious - what's the difference between those two in your eyes? To me they sound pretty much the same.
I honestly don't know how I'd feel in this situation. I'm really not a jealous person but it's partially because I've never had reason to be.
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quince
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Post by quince on Aug 21, 2014 11:04:11 GMT -5
I think the difference between my the two might be that even if the other person felt the same, I'm pretty sure that a husband could keep the commitment of exclusive bone-jumping because....they made a commitment. It is possible for two people to want to have sex with each other and not do it.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Aug 21, 2014 11:08:28 GMT -5
Ah, okay, I get it now. From the way it was initially worded, both situations sounded to me like he was pursuing this girl and she was turning him down. Thanks for clarifying.
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cktc
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Post by cktc on Aug 21, 2014 12:13:02 GMT -5
I don’t really care about labels. If my partner is lying, sneaking, showboating, disparaging, sending pictures of his junk, or generally acting like a dingus, and want’s a pat on the back and some more privacy because he hasn’t wet his willy yet, I’ll be moving along.
If I was somehow behaving in a way that made my partner uncomfortable, I wouldn’t get defensive and demand trust based on prior behavior. I would figure out a way to reassure him, whether that was including him more, or ending a less important relationship. It’s really not that big of a deal if you don’t have ulterior motives. I expect the same level of respect that I would give.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Aug 21, 2014 16:41:24 GMT -5
I have to disagree. The fact that the only thing stopping my husband from having an affair is that the other woman isn't interested wouldn't make it ok. It would be my husband's desire to do it in the first place that would hurt me/piss me off. I am stating how *I* feel... you can't disagree with how I would feel about a situation, unless you think I am lying... you can feel differently about the same situation in your own life. however, you are escalating the situation from "my husband realized he is in love with someone and they don't feel the same" to "the only thing keeping my man from jumping her bones is her not letting him" I do think those can be two very different things. One is more of a threat than the other- to me. and no one has to agree with me. I realize that may be a foreign concept on this board... i simply don't care to force my opinion upon everyone else. Umm....I simply don't care enough to argue semantics
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sarcasticgirl
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Post by sarcasticgirl on Aug 21, 2014 20:06:50 GMT -5
I would have to think that I'd be more upset about my husband fantasizing about the cute blonde saleslady at work than about Megan Fox, but it's not something that has ever come up, so I'm not really sure. Unlike Firebird, I am an extremely jealous person... but DH has never given me a reason to be jealous. Sometimes I almost wish he would . I think a little jealousy can be healthy. I am not a jealous person at all, neither is DH. In fact we were just laughing about this at dinner, our waitress was super cute and I mentioned it to dh and said "her butt looks amazing in those shorts!" He said he hasn't noticed so I told him to look next time she walks by. He laughed and commented about the fact that it is our anniversary and I am telling him to check out someone else's ass lol But I think you have a good point about a little jealousy can be healthy. Seeing someone else interested in your partner gives you that little bit of extra desire. It doesn't necessarily have to be jealousy... But something that reminds you that your spouse is attractive and charming etc to others can crank up the list a little on your end. Sent from my Nexus 10
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 21, 2014 20:34:27 GMT -5
I don't get that. I often read or hear women bragging about checking out other women and commenting on the hot ones. To me it seems like a degrading thing to do. You never hear a man bragging about commenting on hot men to his wife.
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sarcasticgirl
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Post by sarcasticgirl on Aug 21, 2014 21:16:37 GMT -5
I don't get that. I often read or hear women bragging about checking out other women and commenting on the hot ones. To me it seems like a degrading thing to do. You never hear a man bragging about commenting on hot men to his wife. I find it interesting that you see this as "bragging"... This isn't an accomplishment, how is this even something to brag about? I am just stating exactly what happened. I also make comments on men, children and dogs. I don't find commenting on someone's physique degrading at all. There were no sexual comments or jokes or anything gross about it. She clearly works out and she was cut and looked amazing in something most people cant pull off. I am certainly never offended when someone tells me my butt looks great in my jeans or my arms look great in my sleeveless top or anything of the like and I have gotten nothing but positivity when I pass along a similar comment. And my husband has commented on other men... Always with the same phrase "I'm secure in my manhood so I can say that that is a good looking dude" Sent from my Nexus 10
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 21, 2014 21:58:32 GMT -5
You were telling the story to prove how you aren't jealous at all. Definitely strikes me as something you do to prove just how unjealous you are.
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Peace Of Mind
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[font color="#8f2520"]~ Drinks Well With Others ~[/font]
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Aug 21, 2014 22:15:50 GMT -5
LMAO! I just emailed DH this Video (see below) for his pleasure. He is out of town or I would have called him in to watch it with me. When we were first dating and were young and immature both DH and I were jealous. We aren't at all now because we trust each other. Plus we're old and nobody wants us - that we'd want. For your viewing pleasure - this girl is tiny but she is all strength and beauty:
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ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ
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Post by ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ on Aug 22, 2014 1:37:49 GMT -5
Sounds to me like she's very self-assured, and confident in her relationship with her DH and doesn't see other women as a threat or him even wanting to look at someone else the way he looks at her.
Huh? I seldom comment on other people's appearance (Male or Female) because it doesn't reflect on me or them or make me more or less self-confident. If I'm out with female friends (or with DH in the past) or male friends now, and I see an attractive woman, I might comment on how great she looks or what great skin she has, etc etc, or he might comment on a male about what a great physique or how well toned he is but it's just idle chat - and means nothing. It rarely happens or even comes up in conversation.
How is either degrading? And to whom?
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sarcasticgirl
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Post by sarcasticgirl on Aug 22, 2014 6:38:05 GMT -5
You were telling the story to prove how you aren't jealous at all. Definitely strikes me as something you do to prove just how unjealous you are. i am telling the story to provide an example. And no, i don't calculate my actions to "prove" anything. That is ridiculously stupid. I am exactly who I am and am certainly not going to go out of my way to pretend otherwise. I would have made the exact same comment if I were with someone else who was not my husband. You are making a lot of degrading judgments based on who knows what... Sent from my Nexus 4 using proboards
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geenamercile
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Post by geenamercile on Aug 22, 2014 6:55:18 GMT -5
My DH and I will comment on other people to each other, specially when we see some who is the others type since we are both pretty far from the other's types.
In the time of our relationship we have both had "crushes" on other people. Those times when you meet someone, you respect them and if you were single you could see how you might test run it to see if it would become love. I don't believe in love at first sight but I do think you can develop an attraction rather quickly. But we have always been honest in that with each other. Some of those have just left our lives and some have fizzled down into friendships. But over all honesty and trust are the most important things.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 22, 2014 8:05:10 GMT -5
Did you miss the part where I said pointing out hot women to men seems degrading to me? There is a huge difference between saying someone looks good (which I do often, to the person themselves) and saying "hey honey, look at that woman and lust after her ass/bust/whatever"
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Aug 22, 2014 8:08:32 GMT -5
I notice attractive women more often than dh, and he is more likely to notice attractive men. For us it's equally being attracted to a person, and wanting to duplicate those traits in ourselves.
Sent from my ADR6410LVW using proboards
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Aug 22, 2014 8:44:28 GMT -5
DF has a " pass " for Jennifer Aniston or Meg Ryan. Heck, I'd sleep with them, too!!
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Aug 22, 2014 8:54:03 GMT -5
Noops. Only if penetration is involved like you didn't know it
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Aug 22, 2014 9:00:47 GMT -5
Oh, I've missed Loony!!
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Aug 22, 2014 9:06:51 GMT -5
This is an interesting topic! I ask that you all remember the PG13 guidelines and don't let this get too carried away or too graphic.
Thanks
BG- YM & YMOT Administrator If I was the one who started it I would be gone forever
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Aug 22, 2014 9:09:51 GMT -5
I have a friend who's bones I would jump anytime if we weren't married both to other people. But I am not jumping. So is it cheating?
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Aug 22, 2014 9:45:21 GMT -5
I don't get that. I often read or hear women bragging about checking out other women and commenting on the hot ones. To me it seems like a degrading thing to do. You never hear a man bragging about commenting on hot men to his wife.
I actually have tried to stop commenting on people's physique altogether, especially out loud. Not because all comments are automatically degrading but because it's something I'm trying to work on in myself.
I just got to a place where I really got sick of trying to ID the hottest girl the minute I walked in a room to see how I stacked up. That to me IS kind of degrading, and I know I'm not the only woman who does it.
Not exactly what we're talking about but it's sort of relevant. I still notice attractive people, obviously (male and female) but I try to not make that my main focus when I meet them.
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sarcasticgirl
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Post by sarcasticgirl on Aug 22, 2014 10:03:47 GMT -5
Did you miss the part where I said pointing out hot women to men seems degrading to me? There is a huge difference between saying someone looks good (which I do often, to the person themselves) and saying "hey honey, look at that woman and lust after her ass/bust/whatever" Um... I am not telling my husband to lust after her. Just like I am not telling my husband to list after a man when I point out he has really muscular arms or something. You have decided that our discussion has a sexual connotation. It absolutely doesn't. We are both able to talk about attractiveness in others without it being lustful. Sent from my Nexus 4 using proboards
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sarcasticgirl
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Post by sarcasticgirl on Aug 22, 2014 10:08:50 GMT -5
And just to clarify, I did just ask my husband what he thought my intentions were (we're driving across WI at the moment) and he said "you said she had a nice butt and told me to look... Just like you tell me someone has a dress you like and to look. You weren't telling me to oggle her."
Sent from my Nexus 4 using proboards
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Aug 22, 2014 10:09:20 GMT -5
You never hear a man bragging about commenting on hot men to his wifeDH thinks Roman Reigns on WWE is extremely attractive and can't figure out why I don't agree. We both agreed on Brad Pitt in Troy.
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cktc
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Post by cktc on Aug 22, 2014 11:33:31 GMT -5
I am not a jealous person at all, neither is DH. In fact we were just laughing about this at dinner, our waitress was super cute and I mentioned it to dh and said "her butt looks amazing in those shorts!" He said he hasn't noticed so I told him to look next time she walks by. He laughed and commented about the fact that it is our anniversary and I am telling him to check out someone else's ass lol Jealousy isn't something that happens in a vacuum. Your lack of jealousy is correlated to your partner's behavior, your previous experience in other relationships, and your own behavior. If your DH were leering at every girl that walked by, or texting with a "friend" throughout your dinner, you would probably feel differently. If you had been cheated on multiple times and hadn't gotten a handle on it, you might be triggering and projecting (and probably shouldn't be dating). If you had a wandering eye, and dishonesty was your default, you would have a harder time trusting others (and definitely shouldn't be married). You are both behaving in a trustworthy manner and you don't have a lot of baggage so you aren't jealous. Jealousy isn't a choice, or who you are, it is a feeling and a result of circumstance.
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ArchietheDragon
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Post by ArchietheDragon on Aug 22, 2014 11:34:36 GMT -5
I have a friend who's bones I would jump anytime if we weren't married both to other people. But I am not jumping. So is it cheating? I'm just touched to hear that you consider us friends.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Aug 22, 2014 11:56:17 GMT -5
I am not a jealous person at all, neither is DH. In fact we were just laughing about this at dinner, our waitress was super cute and I mentioned it to dh and said "her butt looks amazing in those shorts!" He said he hasn't noticed so I told him to look next time she walks by. He laughed and commented about the fact that it is our anniversary and I am telling him to check out someone else's ass lol Jealousy isn't something that happens in a vacuum. Your lack of jealousy is correlated to your partner's behavior, your previous experience in other relationships, and your own behavior. If your DH were leering at every girl that walked by, or texting with a "friend" throughout your dinner, you would probably feel differently. If you had been cheated on multiple times and hadn't gotten a handle on it, you might be triggering and projecting (and probably shouldn't be dating). If you had a wandering eye, and dishonesty was your default, you would have a harder time trusting others (and definitely shouldn't be married). You are both behaving in a trustworthy manner and you don't have a lot of baggage so you aren't jealous. Jealousy isn't a choice, or who you are, it is a feeling and a result of circumstance. Yes and no. I used to be very jealous because I was very insecure. When I got a handle on that, I no longer felt jealous if my partner found other people attractive, and he works in an industry dominated by young, attractive women so I've got lots of practice. If he cheated on me and it affected my self esteem I'd have to cut him loose. I just don't have the energy to deal with that. Since we have kids, cutting him loose wouldn't be easy, so let's hope he remains faithful for at least another 16 years.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Aug 22, 2014 12:03:41 GMT -5
Jealousy isn't a choice, or who you are, it is a feeling and a result of circumstance.
I agree and disagree. DH is extremely jealous and he always cites the fact that his HS sweetheart cheated on him. Okay, so that's the source of his hang-ups. I get it.
BUT DH is 41 years old now, I think it's high time to move past something that happened to him when he was 17 years old. Especially when I've been with him for 10 years now and never given any indication I would be unfaithful to him.
We had a huge fight before we got married because I told him I wasn't going to live with someone who expected me to pay for the sins of another woman for the rest of my life.
He's better than he used to be but he has his moments. I feel at this point he's actively choosing to hang onto ancient history.
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