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Post by Deleted on Aug 19, 2014 10:07:14 GMT -5
If your kid is young enough to be in diapers, your kid is young enough that you should be attentive enough as a parent to not let them get into the street. Maybe if the parents caught a beating when this happens they'd watch over their kids a little better. It's not the kid who's misbehaving, it's the negligent parents. YOu have 2 kids less than 18 months apart. One's giving you the dandelions she picked from the grass. YOu look up and the younger one is in the street and less than 10 seconds ago he's picking dandelions too. How the fuck is that being negligent?! I'm not supposed to pay attention to the not quite 4 year old when the 2 year old is also picking dandelions? I don't even care if you only have one kid. Some kids are quick and nobody can be "on" continuously. My oldest used to actually leave the house when he was still in diapers...at NIGHT. After the first time we put a lock up near the top of the door, but even then I caught him a couple times piling up things by the door to get at it. Man, he was a stinker. Younger son doesn't even want to be in his room alone and usually crawls in with me sometime during the night.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Aug 19, 2014 10:09:56 GMT -5
Yeah my Mom had those hook and eye things at the top of her screen doors (still does actually) she says once we were about 4-5 they didn't keep us in but the noise we made getting a chair in place gave her a heads up.
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HoneyBBQ
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Post by HoneyBBQ on Aug 19, 2014 10:10:31 GMT -5
Yay, another way to blame mothers. LOL I actually thought it would be a biology thing rather than a blame thing. I'm not saying you in particular, and even if it's true (which it may be) it's just another thing we can mom-guilt ourselves over during pregnancy.
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Aug 19, 2014 10:46:37 GMT -5
Question: what age were your kids when you started yelling at them? This is a serious, non-judgement question.
DD's 2 and I think I've raised my voice at her in anger once (she was trying to hit the cat with the ipad and I just yelled her name because I was so shocked.)
I've never been very good about not yelling, so how little I've yelled has been unexpected to me. But I don't know if that's because she's not old enough to yell at?
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Aug 19, 2014 10:49:27 GMT -5
I've yelled their names when they're in other rooms or to stop them from doing something stupid but just yelling, no. DS would cry when he heard loud voices and noises and DD would be oblivious. Sigh. I see no reason to strain my vocal cords. My mom was a screamer and I thought she was crazy, which she was. I had no intention of my kids thinking that. Plus, yelling gets tuned out if used too often.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Aug 19, 2014 10:52:18 GMT -5
Ds was an angel until he was 3 and then.... , but I still don't think I yelled much until I had 2 unless it was something where I was scared that he would hurt himself. I still don't think I yell all that much, but it definitely happens. Usually when two little people are yelling at me, or when I'm trying to get them out the door and everything they do puts us that much farther from the goal.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Aug 19, 2014 10:55:18 GMT -5
I yelled at her when she was around 18 months and I saw her run by with a plastic bag on her head. I was so freaked out for her safety that I lost it.
It also depends I suppose on what you mean by yelling. My dad YELLS and I've promised myself to never get that way with Gwen. But I have raised my voice many times, loud enough to make her jump and realize I'm watching her.
The last time I actually yelled at her was last week at the Blank Park Zoo when she tried to go over the rope to pet the squirrel monkeys. I'd rather she be scared of me than get a body part bit off.
We talked it thru after I pulled her off the rope.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Aug 19, 2014 10:58:07 GMT -5
I yell way too much. Part of my weekend meltdown included "Why does no one listen unless I'm fucking yelling?" at the top of my lungs at my parents' trailer. Leading to the lovely hodgepodge of guilt, embarrassment, shame, realization that I'm horrible role model and frustration. Because part of what's going on is that the kids (and DH) do not listen when I use a regular voice. I'm seriously considering forcing myself to say something once and then (this is the hard part) keep my mouth shut. K's new to her Ariel doll spends the night in the rain because she refused to bring her in. Too bad.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Aug 19, 2014 10:59:44 GMT -5
I don't think that I yelled much until about 3.5. I don't like yelling, but he knows better and does it anyway. It is really hard not to lose your cool when you tell him that you are leaving the room to cool down and he starts crying, no, mommy don't leave. Ummmm honey if I don't leave it isn't going to be pretty.
I haven't really yelled at Jocelyn - maybe "barked" no, but not really yelled. SHe's only 18 months. The backtalking, saying she can't do things, and saying she doesn't need to use the potty before bed hasn't started yet.
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yogiii
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Post by yogiii on Aug 19, 2014 11:00:15 GMT -5
Ds was an angel until he was 3 and then.... , but I still don't think I yelled much until I had 2 unless it was something where I was scared that he would hurt himself. I still don't think I yell all that much, but it definitely happens. Usually when two little people are yelling at me, or when I'm trying to get them out the door and everything they do puts us that much farther from the goal. I was going to say something similar. Something in my brain exploded when I had two. Now that we've reached that mark when the little one is over 1, things are starting to swing back to "easier", my stress level is slowly going down, I have less little outbursts.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 19, 2014 11:00:52 GMT -5
I don't think I yelled much until there was more than one of them. What gets to me is when they start fighting in the van.
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Aug 19, 2014 11:01:22 GMT -5
Wow, you guys put way more thought into this stuff than we ever did. I have spanked each kid once I think. In both cases they were 2-3ish. Spanking was one or two open hand swats to the behind, and done more to get their attention than anything else. These days they lose internet access or the power chords to their computers when they misbehave, but we got lucky and have two great kids. To b fair, when your kids were 2-3 you were probably thinking more about passing sophomore English than whether spanking was a just punishment for your kids. LOL! Just about.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Aug 19, 2014 11:01:54 GMT -5
DH will tell Ben something 3 times, if after 3 times he is still being ignored, then he sends Ben to his room. Unfortunately, that doesn't really work when I'm saying go use the potty before bed because there is no way I'm letting him go to bed without using the potty. Although it seems the threat of diapers does work on Ben.
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Aug 19, 2014 11:05:33 GMT -5
I yell way too much. Part of my weekend meltdown included "Why does no one listen unless I'm fucking yelling?" at the top of my lungs at my parents' trailer. Leading to the lovely hodgepodge of guilt, embarrassment, shame, realization that I'm horrible role model and frustration. Because part of what's going on is that the kids (and DH) do not listen when I use a regular voice. I'm seriously considering forcing myself to say something once and then (this is the hard part) keep my mouth shut. K's new to her Ariel doll spends the night in the rain because she refused to bring her in. Too bad. This is where I'm trying to get to as well. I already do way too much reminding/asking things multiple times.
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violagirl
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Post by violagirl on Aug 19, 2014 11:12:41 GMT -5
My parents used different methods for all of us. We got an occasional swat on the butt with the fly swatter. It stung a bit but didn't really hurt. I don't recall too many occasions of being spanked. It was not their preferred method of getting our attention.
i don't think it is the spanking that gets a child's attention, it is the thought that it must be REALLY bad to get my Mom to hit me. I was never afraid of my mother, and it didn't take long for physical punishment to be ineffectual because she couldn't beat us hard enough for it to hurt. But as I said I don't think pain is the teacher- I think it is more the intensity of the parent.
i don't recall ever being spanked by my dad. He was more of a go to your room and then would come in later to talk. That worked better with me. Not sure though if the same method works for a two year old.
I suppose i am I am a positive reinforcer with my dogs so would probably try something similar with kids. Hmm my dogs have a reinforced automatic come. If you can program a dog to come racing to you when they hear that word, you could probably teach a young child. It works because it is an auto response, they are turning and coming before they even think. Anyone have a two year old I can practice clicker training?
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sheilaincali
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Post by sheilaincali on Aug 19, 2014 11:13:51 GMT -5
I probably "yelled" his name to get his attention if he was going to stick a fork in an outlet or something along those lines but other than that we don't Yell at DS. If I call his name to ask him a question and don't realize he has walked up behind me he'll tease me and say "jeez mom, you don't have to yell, I'm right here".
DH was yelled at a lot when he was growing up by his various stepfathers (who for the most part were drunks). Loud voices bring back bad childhood memories for him so we avoid yelling at our house. I'm realizing now that quite a bit of our parenting style has been basically "do the opposite" of what his mom/various stepdads did.
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Aug 19, 2014 11:22:47 GMT -5
I probably "yelled" his name to get his attention if he was going to stick a fork in an outlet or something along those lines but other than that we don't Yell at DS. If I call his name to ask him a question and don't realize he has walked up behind me he'll tease me and say "jeez mom, you don't have to yell, I'm right here".
DH was yelled at a lot when he was growing up by his various stepfathers (who for the most part were drunks). Loud voices bring back bad childhood memories for him so we avoid yelling at our house. I'm realizing now that quite a bit of our parenting style has been basically "do the opposite" of what his mom/various stepdads did.
Yeah, I think there's a difference between calling/shouting for attention and yelling. And your do the opposite strategy seems to have worked out pretty well!
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Aug 19, 2014 11:30:00 GMT -5
DH's yelling has gotten obnoxious at times. DS1 doesn't seem to respond to you otherwise, though. The yelling did correspond to having the 2 kids vs just 1. I really don't dig it.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Aug 19, 2014 11:32:19 GMT -5
I've yelled at Babybird - usually only when we're outside so she can hear me and know I'm serious, i.e. "[BABYBIRD], DO NOT RUN INTO THE STREET! STOP!" It's pretty much never in anger. Stern tone, yes. Yelling, no. I know what it's like to be yelled at in anger by a parent. It's not pretty and it really sticks with you.
I don't kid myself that I'll never yell at her but I intend to do it as little as I possibly can and apologize to her afterward.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Aug 19, 2014 11:39:05 GMT -5
I'm realizing now that quite a bit of our parenting style has been basically "do the opposite" of what his mom/various stepdads did.
Sounds like that was a pretty sound strategy. Your DH's "parents" sound like nutcases.
The older I get the more I realize how lucky I am to have had good people for parents. It definitely wasn't all rosy good times, but I always had my mom and I know my dad did the best he could with me. I cut him a lot of slack now that I'm a parent myself.
Plenty of people aren't "great" parents but they are good people and they do the best they can.
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yogiii
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Post by yogiii on Aug 19, 2014 11:43:09 GMT -5
The times I've yelled at DS, he's typically doing something annoying and my stress level is at 11. Baby was already screaming at the top of her lungs and he decided to join in just for fun or something along those lines. Yes, he was annoying but my reaction was out of stress, he wasn't being a jerk or doing something dangerous. After those "episodes" I've sat down with him, explained why I don't like that particular behavior, explained that I shouldn't have reacted that way, apologize, ask him to please get my attention in another way if he needs me (you know, asking nicely like a normal person, which can be hard for a 3.5-4 year old). He isn't an angel but he isn't a bad kid and typically the times he has acted out it's been because he's trying to get his fair share of the attention. That's why I don't think I ever yelled before having two. And the times I have yelled, I feel exteme guilt. I'm not perfect and I'm not proud when I snap at him but it does happen on occasion. Hopefully he "learns" that all people make mistakes and we're just doing the best we can here.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Aug 19, 2014 12:19:16 GMT -5
I was an only. Ex was one of four. He says and did turn the volume up on radio when kids started yelling. If they got louder so did the radio. Finally the kids would stop and basically wtf about the radio being so loud. Then they were told to drown out your noise and they would actually stop-for awhile anyway.
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ArchietheDragon
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Post by ArchietheDragon on Aug 19, 2014 12:24:42 GMT -5
The Dragon household has A LOT of yelling these days. Older daughter is driving us crazy and younger daughter doesn't friggen listen.
Both Mrs and Mr Dragon yell and yell and yell.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 19, 2014 12:25:57 GMT -5
The Dragon household has A LOT of yelling these days. Older daughter is driving us crazy and younger daughter doesn't friggen listen. Both Mrs and Mr Dragon yell and yell and yell. Do you blow fire?
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Aug 19, 2014 12:30:54 GMT -5
The Dragon household has A LOT of yelling these days. Older daughter is driving us crazy and younger daughter doesn't friggen listen. Both Mrs and Mr Dragon yell and yell and yell. HOw old are they again?
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Aug 19, 2014 12:32:22 GMT -5
Blowing fire! Now THAT would get your point across much better than a timeout or a swat on fanny. Of course then the kids will misbehave to see fire come out again. No winning this one.
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ArchietheDragon
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Post by ArchietheDragon on Aug 19, 2014 12:34:13 GMT -5
The Dragon household has A LOT of yelling these days. Older daughter is driving us crazy and younger daughter doesn't friggen listen. Both Mrs and Mr Dragon yell and yell and yell. Do you blow fire? That would be helpful.
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ArchietheDragon
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Post by ArchietheDragon on Aug 19, 2014 12:34:29 GMT -5
The Dragon household has A LOT of yelling these days. Older daughter is driving us crazy and younger daughter doesn't friggen listen. Both Mrs and Mr Dragon yell and yell and yell. HOw old are they again? 5.5 2.5 .16
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Aug 19, 2014 12:39:02 GMT -5
Lots of hugs Archie. I'd like to say it gets better but I'm assured by others that it just gets different.
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gs11rmb
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Post by gs11rmb on Aug 19, 2014 12:47:14 GMT -5
I didn't start yelling until my oldest was about 4, she's now 6. I haven't yelled at the 2 year old yet. My oldest has been driving me crazy recently, she is so stubborn and doesn't seem to realize that she'll end up doing what I told her to do but after various consequences have been enforced. One particular highlight was when I yelled at the top of my lungs "Stop yelling"!!! Mother of the year award?
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