swasat
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Post by swasat on Aug 14, 2014 11:00:54 GMT -5
Not me I have a friend who has been having quite a few issues with her 13yo DD. To summarize, DD is a wild child! Does not listen, screams, yells, disobeys, does not follow any rules (not even the most basic ones like putting her plate away after dinner), basically EVERYTHING is an uphill battle with her. Its been like that for at least 5 years now. Friend and her DH are at their wits end. They have tried everything and nothing works. So last week, there was drama at home yet again. DD wanted something or do something that the parents did not approve. Full blown drama ensued at the dinner table and in a fit of rage DD spit on my friend's face! Friend's DH got really really mad and slapped DD across the face then. What do you know....DD stomps upstairs and an hour later doorbell rings. Its two people from CPS. DD, apparantly called 911 with child abuse complaint, who then informed CPS. Here is the climax : When CPS asked the parents they didn't hold anythign back. Gave the detailed explanation. CPS agent sighs, and then thanks the parents for "actually parenting a child". They talked to DD, told her what they knew, confirmed facts with her and then let her know that they will not be taking any action because its obvious the slap wasn't "abuse". Its what she deserved for being that bad to family. So...what does NMSNM think??
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yogiii
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Post by yogiii on Aug 14, 2014 11:03:20 GMT -5
I'm terrified of having a teenager like that
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Abby Normal
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Post by Abby Normal on Aug 14, 2014 11:05:09 GMT -5
I think what is most sad is that some CPS people would have taken her side. Even worse is that she's probably acting out at school, and they don't have the ability to slap some sense into her.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Aug 14, 2014 11:09:42 GMT -5
Not abuse, but I hope I never slap or hit my kids. I also hope my kids don't go through that kind of stage.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Aug 14, 2014 11:09:44 GMT -5
I think it's about time a CPS person let a parent be a parent. I'm also terrified of my youngest one turning out like that. Hopefully he'll stay thin so I can not be outsized
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Aug 14, 2014 11:10:01 GMT -5
A friend of mine had something similar happen to him. His 13 year old daughter was being a brat. He was trying to talk to her and she turned her back on him to walk away. He Put his hand out to grabher shoulder to stop her and scratched her jaw with his fingernail, drawing blood.
Daughter called CPS, they came out to investigate. I believe that there was more than one visit involved.
Nothing like having a teenager try to hold you hostage with the threat of CPS.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 14, 2014 11:12:21 GMT -5
My aunt and uncle had one of their bratty teenage foster kids call CPS and say uncle was sexually abusing her. Boy, THAT was a cluster for a long time!
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swasat
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Post by swasat on Aug 14, 2014 11:18:47 GMT -5
I have fear that my 6yo DD may end up like this girl. So we are trying our level best to control errrrr....discipline her now.
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The Captain
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Post by The Captain on Aug 14, 2014 11:20:17 GMT -5
My aunt and uncle had one of their bratty teenage foster kids call CPS and say uncle was sexually abusing her. Boy, THAT was a cluster for a long time! THIS!!! is one of the main reasons DH and I won't foster. He had a coworker go through a similar experience who was helping out a family member.
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The Captain
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Post by The Captain on Aug 14, 2014 11:20:51 GMT -5
I think it's about time a CPS person let a parent be a parent. I'm also terrified of my youngest one turning out like that. Hopefully he'll stay thin so I can not be outsized dynamite comes in small packages. Just saying...
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greeniis10
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Post by greeniis10 on Aug 14, 2014 11:21:31 GMT -5
Has the DD been evaluated for an undiagnosed behavioral issue or something? I know there are plenty of just out of control children and maybe the parents contributed to it by not disciplining her when she was young or something (not judging; just trying to guess), but if the poor girl is truly struggling with an issue that could be helped I hope she gets some help!
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Aug 14, 2014 11:21:50 GMT -5
I think it's about time a CPS person let a parent be a parent. I'm also terrified of my youngest one turning out like that. Hopefully he'll stay thin so I can not be outsized dynamite comes in small packages. Just saying... I can send him back to his mom when he gets that way, right?
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Aug 14, 2014 11:24:05 GMT -5
Once again, I find it interesting that noone here thinks this is abuse. If he'd done it to his wife, it would have been domestic violence and battery. EVEN IF she spit in his face. But because the kid was underage she has less protections than an adult. Shameful.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 14, 2014 11:25:42 GMT -5
I was slapped a few times as a teenager. I had it coming.
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ArchietheDragon
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Post by ArchietheDragon on Aug 14, 2014 11:26:40 GMT -5
My mom slapped me once. I forget what age I was, 13 or 14 or something. I think it scared her as much as it startled me.
IMHO parents should not be slapping their kids, but shit happens and people make mistakes. I do not think it is good parenting, though.
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sheilaincali
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Post by sheilaincali on Aug 14, 2014 11:30:07 GMT -5
A co-worker's daughter is like the girl described by swasat. She got in an argument with her mom over a dress to the spring semi formal. The daughter is a busty girl that already gets too much attention from boys (she was 13 at the time). They went shopping together and picked out a cute dress and bought it. Two days before the dance A announces that she wants a different dress and her mom said "No" because the new dress was pretty expensive and in her opinion inappropriate (showed way more skin than mom was comfortable with). Daughter was grounded for her reaction (which involved a lot of screaming and throwing things)
A got pissed and while mom was out running an errand called Grandma and asked her to come pick her up. So grandma goes to get her and brings her to her house. My friend gets home, finds her daughter gone with no note and calls her cell phone. Grandma answers the phone and tells the mom "A is staying with me for a few days for you to calm down". So J goes to see her daughter two days later and asks her to come home. A freaks out and starts screaming again.
At this point J's stepfather steps in and tells J to leave or he is calling the cops/CPS. She told him to go right ahead and they stood in the front yard waiting for the cops. Cops showed up and got the story. They told J to go home and come back for her daughter the next morning. Told A to shape up and change her attitude and be prepared to go home with her mother the next day. They also told A is she were their daughter she'd be grounded for a month. They then told Grandma that it would be in her best interest to maybe MYOB next time and to not get in the middle of it by picking A up and taking her away from her mother.
J went and picked her up the next morning. A went home with her and that was that. So far she has been behaving according to my co-worker (A's stepdad).
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greeniis10
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Post by greeniis10 on Aug 14, 2014 11:31:01 GMT -5
Weird - there are TWO threads with this same topic. I commented on the other one and wondered where my post was...
"Has the DD been evaluated for an undiagnosed behavioral issue or something? I know there are plenty of just out of control children and maybe the parents contributed to it by not disciplining her when she was young or something (not judging; just trying to guess), but if the poor girl is truly struggling with an issue that could be helped I hope she gets some help!"
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Aug 14, 2014 11:33:49 GMT -5
Once again, I find it interesting that noone here thinks this is abuse. If he'd done it to his wife, it would have been domestic violence and battery. EVEN IF she spit in his face. But because the kid was underage she has less protections than an adult. Shameful. I think that if the wife spit on him, that action would be considered assault as well. Not sure where things would shake out legally.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 14, 2014 11:38:42 GMT -5
Not me I have a friend who has been having quite a few issues with her 13yo DD. To summarize, DD is a wild child! Does not listen, screams, yells, disobeys, does not follow any rules (not even the most basic ones like putting her plate away after dinner), basically EVERYTHING is an uphill battle with her. Its been like that for at least 5 years now. Friend and her DH are at their wits end. They have tried everything and nothing works. So last week, there was drama at home yet again. DD wanted something or do something that the parents did not approve. Full blown drama ensued at the dinner table and in a fit of rage DD spit on my friend's face! Friend's DH got really really mad and slapped DD across the face then. What do you know....DD stomps upstairs and an hour later doorbell rings. Its two people from CPS. DD, apparantly called 911 with child abuse complaint, who then informed CPS. Here is the climax : When CPS asked the parents they didn't hold anythign back. Gave the detailed explanation. CPS agent sighs, and then thanks the parents for "actually parenting a child". They talked to DD, told her what they knew, confirmed facts with her and then let her know that they will not be taking any action because its obvious the slap wasn't "abuse". Its what she deserved for being that bad to family. So...what does NMSNM think?? Some kids today really think they have their parents over a barrel when it comes to CPS and abuse and some are using it to their advantage. I remember a case once where a high school girl, thinking that she'd be placed in the same group home her boyfriend was in, deliberately pushed her parents to the point of spanking her with a belt, leaving welts. CPS did take her from the home, but placed her in temporary foster care. It totally backfired on her and she was not a happy camper.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Aug 14, 2014 11:38:54 GMT -5
Weird - there are TWO threads with this same topic. I commented on the other one and wondered where my post was... "Has the DD been evaluated for an undiagnosed behavioral issue or something? I know there are plenty of just out of control children and maybe the parents contributed to it by not disciplining her when she was young or something (not judging; just trying to guess), but if the poor girl is truly struggling with an issue that could be helped I hope she gets some help!" Here there's teams to help parents and the kids cope. I know because DN#6 has/had them. She's in a residential home now
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Aug 14, 2014 11:43:19 GMT -5
Once again, I find it interesting that noone here thinks this is abuse. If he'd done it to his wife, it would have been domestic violence and battery. EVEN IF she spit in his face. But because the kid was underage she has less protections than an adult. Shameful. I don't disagree with you entirely, but if I spit in my husband's face and he open hand slapped me in reaction, I'm not sure if the police would file charges? I guess the difference is mom didn't slap her, dad did. My reason for not spanking or physically disciplining my kids is that I can't hit anyone else to solve a problem, why would I model that to my kids (who get in trouble for hitting). But I'll admit that there have been times that I have felt that pull and wondered what on earth to do besides spank ds. I never have, and really really hope that I never lose control like that. You make a good point. I don't like when I hear about people physically disciplining but I guess I feel like I shouldn't judge as long as they aren't leaving marks or resoerting to that over every infraction. Sent from my ADR6410LVW using proboards
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Aug 14, 2014 11:48:34 GMT -5
It sounds like both the parents and the child would benefit from some classes/counseling. I'm glad the parents weren't automatically charged with abuse/remove the kid, but if you aren't effectively handling things, outside help isn't a bad thing.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 14, 2014 11:49:57 GMT -5
Once again, I find it interesting that noone here thinks this is abuse. If he'd done it to his wife, it would have been domestic violence and battery. EVEN IF she spit in his face. But because the kid was underage she has less protections than an adult. Shameful. One slap is not abuse. With the daughter's behaviour and no history of the parents using corporal punishment I do not think they are abusing her. If the cops get called for a second slap I will re-evaluate.
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swasat
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Post by swasat on Aug 14, 2014 11:51:15 GMT -5
It sounds like both the parents and the child would benefit from some classes/counseling. I'm glad the parents weren't automatically charged with abuse/remove the kid, but if you aren't effectively handling things, outside help isn't a bad thing. But they HAVE been actively working with her. She is a demon's spawn, always been like that. No matter what they tried, it hasn't worked. They have worked with scool counselors, tried taking her to counselling. She does not go. Ends up in another full blown tantrum and drama. I do believe that sometimes parents can reach their wit's end too.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 14, 2014 11:51:23 GMT -5
Once again, I find it interesting that noone here thinks this is abuse. If he'd done it to his wife, it would have been domestic violence and battery. EVEN IF she spit in his face. But because the kid was underage she has less protections than an adult. Shameful. One slap is not abuse. With the daughter's behaviour and no history of the parents using corporal punishment I do not think they are abusing her. If the cops get called for a second slap I will re-evaluate. if a man slapped a woman once and it left a mark, if the police were called the man would be arrested for abuse
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The Captain
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Post by The Captain on Aug 14, 2014 11:53:02 GMT -5
Weird - there are TWO threads with this same topic. I commented on the other one and wondered where my post was... "Has the DD been evaluated for an undiagnosed behavioral issue or something? I know there are plenty of just out of control children and maybe the parents contributed to it by not disciplining her when she was young or something (not judging; just trying to guess), but if the poor girl is truly struggling with an issue that could be helped I hope she gets some help!" Greeniis10 - I merged the threads and deleted the duplicate OP at the request of swasat. (Captain - mod).
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 14, 2014 11:54:08 GMT -5
One slap is not abuse. With the daughter's behaviour and no history of the parents using corporal punishment I do not think they are abusing her. If the cops get called for a second slap I will re-evaluate. if a man slapped a woman once and it left a mark, if the police were called the man would be arrested for abuse If the woman had been acting like this teenager and had spit in his face I would still not consider it abuse. It might be assault but her spitting in his face would probably be assault as well.
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The Captain
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Post by The Captain on Aug 14, 2014 11:55:25 GMT -5
It sounds like both the parents and the child would benefit from some classes/counseling. I'm glad the parents weren't automatically charged with abuse/remove the kid, but if you aren't effectively handling things, outside help isn't a bad thing. But they HAVE been actively working with her. She is a demon's spawn, always been like that. No matter what they tried, it hasn't worked. They have worked with scool counselors, tried taking her to counselling. She does not go. Ends up in another full blown tantrum and drama. I do believe that sometimes parents can reach their wit's end too. Are there other children in the house? If so, I feel for them. It really sucks growing up with all that drama.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Aug 14, 2014 11:56:54 GMT -5
It sounds like both the parents and the child would benefit from some classes/counseling. I'm glad the parents weren't automatically charged with abuse/remove the kid, but if you aren't effectively handling things, outside help isn't a bad thing. But they HAVE been actively working with her. She is a demon's spawn, always been like that. No matter what they tried, it hasn't worked. They have worked with scool counselors, tried taking her to counselling. She does not go. Ends up in another full blown tantrum and drama. I do believe that sometimes parents can reach their wit's end too.Absolutely. I know I feel like I reach it with my DS once a month.
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swasat
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Post by swasat on Aug 14, 2014 11:58:30 GMT -5
The Captain, yep, there is an older DB. My friend is stumped. Two kids, same household, same rules, same upbringing, they actively try to treat both kids the same, and yet the poor boy gets sidelined most times because of his younger sister's drama queen mode. I feel bad for all of them (well maybe not for the DD ) She is a real demon's spawn.
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