jkapp
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 23, 2010 12:05:08 GMT -5
Posts: 5,416
|
Post by jkapp on Aug 14, 2014 13:02:00 GMT -5
so when a husband and wife are fighting and emotions run high and it's just a smack, it's all good? Well, if my husband spit in my face, I'd probably smack him. Or, if wife spat in my face, she would have a few seconds to run while I drummed up the biggest loogie I could in retalitation!
|
|
jkapp
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 23, 2010 12:05:08 GMT -5
Posts: 5,416
|
Post by jkapp on Aug 14, 2014 13:05:14 GMT -5
There's a fundamental difference between an adult and a kid. A kid misbehaving needs to be disciplined and taught how to act correctly. Adults, at least in theory, should know better and be able to behave like adults.
I believe a slap doesn't 'teach' anything but that violence is an appropriate response to something you don't like. Wow, so you would have just sat there getting slobbered in spit all night then? I;m sure that would have taught her something...like she can do whatever she wants without any sort of consequences.
|
|
raeoflyte
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 3, 2011 15:43:53 GMT -5
Posts: 15,014
|
Post by raeoflyte on Aug 14, 2014 13:10:04 GMT -5
I believe a slap doesn't 'teach' anything but that violence is an appropriate response to something you don't like. Wow, so you would have just sat there getting slobbered in spit all night then? I;m sure that would have taught her something...like she can do whatever she wants without any sort of consequences. There are other ways the parents could and should have responded, and refusing to physically discipline does not mean there aren't consequences for poor behavior. Obviously this child is an extreme case, and I have no idea what I'd do in their shoes. Maybe have a therapist come to the house for starters to watch everything going on. Sent from my ADR6410LVW using proboards
|
|
Mardi Gras Audrey
Senior Member
So well rounded, I'm pointless...
Joined: Dec 25, 2010 18:49:31 GMT -5
Posts: 2,087
|
Post by Mardi Gras Audrey on Aug 14, 2014 13:12:22 GMT -5
I don't see anything wrong with what she did (the slap). Kids need to learn that if you do something to someone, you are going to get a reaction that you may not want. In this case, the DD assaulted the parent by spitting on her. The response to that is she got slapped. If an adult spit on another adult, they would get arrested for assault (or get their ass kicked). For a 13 year old, getting slapped is probably preferable to getting arrested (No record, quick feedback on the behavior, etc) or getting your ass kicked. Better to learn not to spit on people from mom and dad than after school with another girl who is going to rip her hair out, punch her, and scratch up her face.
Kids are not the same as adults. I'm not saying people should beat their kids up but sometimes the immediate response/punishment of a slap or spanking is what they need. It gets their attention and is pretty fast. You can't treat them like adults because they aren't adults. They don't have the maturity to understand why you don't do certain things (spitting on people, touching your siblings, grabbing hot stoves, etc). The alternative is what? Talk to them ground them, timeout, take away stuff? If that doesn't work, you want to treat them like an adult and have them arrested? That's what we do to adults. I would say most people don't want their 9 year olds to have an arrest record.
|
|
Tiny
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 21:22:34 GMT -5
Posts: 13,489
|
Post by Tiny on Aug 14, 2014 13:17:52 GMT -5
One slap is not abuse. With the daughter's behaviour and no history of the parents using corporal punishment I do not think they are abusing her. If the cops get called for a second slap I will re-evaluate. if a man slapped a woman once and it left a mark, if the police were called the man would be arrested for abuse Most likely ONLY if the woman again re-iterated to the cops that she got hit AND if she was willing to file charges. A dear friend lives in a neighborhood with alot of 2 and 3 flats (so people come and go). A couple years ago, across the street from her home was a couple that had atleast one loud arguement a week - the cops usually came once a month. Back then we were doing "TV/movie night" on Friday or Saturday nights so we could watch our fav shows together. I remember one night when it got really LOUD outside - and sure enough the couple had taken their fight outside. We went to watch from the window. Crazy screaming guy was trying to keep crazy screaming woman from leaving (Get back in the House you B$$%^) when he grabbed her arm swung her around and punched her in the stomach-- hard. By the time the cops arrived, the two of them were mostly just spitting expletives at each other. the cops separated them, and spent about an hour and then everybody 'made up' and went home. I suspect both of these people often traded blows and never got arrested for abuse... Thankfully, they've moved on to another apartment (or house?) and it's pretty quiet again on my friend's block.
|
|
swasat
Senior Member
Joined: Apr 13, 2011 9:34:28 GMT -5
Posts: 3,735
|
Post by swasat on Aug 14, 2014 13:21:30 GMT -5
Yeah, its not cut and dry for domestic abuse/violence. People just assume that everytime cops get called for those, they blindly believe everything and someone gets arrested.
Cops do talk to the offended and blamed parties, assess the situation and then make decision. Calling cops is not equal to them blindly arresting someone.
|
|
imanangel
Well-Known Member
Joined: Jun 8, 2014 12:18:00 GMT -5
Posts: 1,042
|
Post by imanangel on Aug 14, 2014 13:22:49 GMT -5
My 13 year old DD can be absolutely horrid. Yes, I have taken her to counseling. I have also gone to counseling with her. She doesn't like going to counseling because she says the counselor takes my side. I told her she could go by herself but she always says no, that she wants me to go with her. She likes to talk about how unfair she is treated. She will go on and on about how I tell her no about going to the movies with a boy that I don't know, but I will drive my son to post to hang out with his friends. She fails to see that 1. Her brother was 17 now 18. 2. He wasn't actually going to post to hang out with his friends. He was going to WORK and then meeting friends AFTER work! She thinks she should be allowed to do whatever he or her older sister (almost 20) are allowed to do. She got mad at me at the airport once and threw an absolute shit fit because she picked up a wine cooler type drink with her lunch. When we got to the table and I realized what it was, I wouldn't let her have it. Major drama ensued. She stomped and screamed at me and carried on like a 2 year old. Said I should let her have it since I didn't catch it before she bought it. She can be the most loving and fun child in the world as long as she is getting her own way. The minute I tell her no about something, she turns into a brat. If she also happens to be on her cycle, she is a horrid demon. She absolutely ruined our last trip to Germany because of her bratty behavior. I was so mortified by her public behavior. She got all her electronics taken away and grounded. She then decided she was going to go on a hunger strike. Of course I knew that wouldn't last long, but it sure stressed my husband out. She has also been told that until she can treat me with respect and behave in public, she will not be traveling with us or going to the store with me. My dear friend that has to be a saint has offered to watch her when we go away. Yes, I have already had her watch DD while we went away for the weekend. It may sound horrible, but I can only take so much verbal abuse. I need a break too.
She has been good for about a week. She is eating again and talking to me respectfully. I hope she outgrows this stage. There are days I have to tell her to go to her room and lock myself in the bathroom to refrain from slapping her.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 10, 2024 10:27:00 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 14, 2014 13:32:18 GMT -5
actually if there are signs that someone was hit/smacked/punched/etc., it's not up to the parties whether or not anyone is arrested or charged. that was changed years ago as women would frequently decline to press charges or change their mind.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 10, 2024 10:27:00 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 14, 2014 13:39:16 GMT -5
Nope. You definitely don't have to file charges. The county attorney does on your behalf. After the police came to my house and they determined I was afraid, it was out of my hands. Nothing even really happened. I could have screwed things up for them eventually in court, but that was 3 MONTHS later. Until then there was a no contact order.
|
|
busymom
Distinguished Associate
Why is the rum always gone? Oh...that's why.
Joined: Dec 25, 2010 21:09:36 GMT -5
Posts: 29,239
Mini-Profile Background: {"image":"https://cdn.nickpic.host/images/IPauJ5.jpg","color":""}
Mini-Profile Name Color: 0D317F
Mini-Profile Text Color: 0D317F
|
Post by busymom on Aug 14, 2014 13:43:46 GMT -5
I really don't have a problem with a quick swat on the butt for a kid who's totally out of control. Of course, I grew up in a large city that if you even LOOKED at the wrong person in the wrong way, they'd find you beaten up (or worse) in an alley after school.
That child has somehow never learned respect. Whether she might be EBD, or just a bad seed, I hope she figures it out now, before the consequences become a lot worse...
|
|
sheilaincali
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 17:55:24 GMT -5
Posts: 4,131
|
Post by sheilaincali on Aug 14, 2014 14:04:05 GMT -5
DH is very anti spanking. He was regularly beaten as a kid and paddled by teachers. He still has flashbacks and triggers that bring all of those bad memories to the surface. It would never cross his mind to slap DS across the face. Of course to be fair- it would never cross DS' mind to spit on his dad or me.
I feel for those of you raising dramatic (stressful? difficult?) children. Forgive me use of the word "dramatic" not sure what is the proper politically correct term.
I don't understand physical violence being used to deter physical violence. It's that whole "I'm going to smack you to teach you not to smack me". Seems counterproductive to me.
|
|
TheHaitian
Senior Associate
Joined: Jul 27, 2014 19:39:10 GMT -5
Posts: 10,144
|
Post by TheHaitian on Aug 14, 2014 14:06:28 GMT -5
Nothing like having a teenager try to hold you hostage with the threat of CPS. I dunno... When one of my cousin tried that with my uncle and aunt they told CPS in front of her: take her, if she is not going to live by our rules she might as well not live here. But she lives all her crap behind because they bought them and they weren't hers. After CPS talked to my cousin, how foster is not a fairy take, won't get her own room, forget the nice things she have, day at mall etc... Someway somehow it made sense to her and she got her shit together. I would just bring my kids to Haiti and beat the crap out if them... Good luck calling CPS now you little punk!
|
|
sheilaincali
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 17:55:24 GMT -5
Posts: 4,131
|
Post by sheilaincali on Aug 14, 2014 14:08:29 GMT -5
I would just bring my kids to Haiti and beat the crap out if them... Good luck calling CPS now you little punk!
I'm really hoping you are kidding and trying to be funny here. (PS_ you missed the mark because that was not a funny thing to say IMO)
|
|
Formerly SK
Senior Member
Joined: Feb 27, 2011 14:23:13 GMT -5
Posts: 3,255
|
Post by Formerly SK on Aug 14, 2014 14:10:26 GMT -5
My 13 year old DD can be absolutely horrid. Yes, I have taken her to counseling. I have also gone to counseling with her. She doesn't like going to counseling because she says the counselor takes my side. I told her she could go by herself but she always says no, that she wants me to go with her. She likes to talk about how unfair she is treated. She will go on and on about how I tell her no about going to the movies with a boy that I don't know, but I will drive my son to post to hang out with his friends. She fails to see that 1. Her brother was 17 now 18. 2. He wasn't actually going to post to hang out with his friends. He was going to WORK and then meeting friends AFTER work! She thinks she should be allowed to do whatever he or her older sister (almost 20) are allowed to do. She got mad at me at the airport once and threw an absolute shit fit because she picked up a wine cooler type drink with her lunch. When we got to the table and I realized what it was, I wouldn't let her have it. Major drama ensued. She stomped and screamed at me and carried on like a 2 year old. Said I should let her have it since I didn't catch it before she bought it. She can be the most loving and fun child in the world as long as she is getting her own way. The minute I tell her no about something, she turns into a brat. If she also happens to be on her cycle, she is a horrid demon. She absolutely ruined our last trip to Germany because of her bratty behavior. I was so mortified by her public behavior. She got all her electronics taken away and grounded. She then decided she was going to go on a hunger strike. Of course I knew that wouldn't last long, but it sure stressed my husband out. She has also been told that until she can treat me with respect and behave in public, she will not be traveling with us or going to the store with me. My dear friend that has to be a saint has offered to watch her when we go away. Yes, I have already had her watch DD while we went away for the weekend. It may sound horrible, but I can only take so much verbal abuse. I need a break too.
She has been good for about a week. She is eating again and talking to me respectfully. I hope she outgrows this stage. There are days I have to tell her to go to her room and lock myself in the bathroom to refrain from slapping her.
OMG...I can't even comprehend a 13yo thinking it's OK to drink a wine cooler at lunch. You have my sympathies. I think I'll go hug my 8yo while she's still sane.
|
|
TheHaitian
Senior Associate
Joined: Jul 27, 2014 19:39:10 GMT -5
Posts: 10,144
|
Post by TheHaitian on Aug 14, 2014 14:14:57 GMT -5
I would just bring my kids to Haiti and beat the crap out if them... Good luck calling CPS now you little punk!
I'm really hoping you are kidding and trying to be funny here. (PS_ you missed the mark because that was not a funny thing to say IMO) I am dead serious!!! You can chose your way to rehabilitate a bad teen (therapy, counseling, family time) and I will pick my way (old school plain respect your elders or get smacked). There is more than 1 way to handle the situation. But yeah once my kids start losing himself or herself in the American way and get half as bad as my cousin ... We are overdue for a trip to the homeland.
|
|
justme
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 10, 2012 13:12:47 GMT -5
Posts: 14,618
|
Post by justme on Aug 14, 2014 14:22:26 GMT -5
Erm - not so sure that parenting style will fly when it comes to foster if you guys go that way.
|
|
sheilaincali
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 17:55:24 GMT -5
Posts: 4,131
|
Post by sheilaincali on Aug 14, 2014 14:24:43 GMT -5
Carl- Wow. So let me get this straight. If your future kids get out of control you are going to board a plane and fly them to another country so you can legally beat the crap out of them?
I don't have a way to "rehabilitate a bad teen" because my kid is actually a really great kid but I seriously doubt that flying him to another country so I could smack him around would make my list of options.
How exactly does your wife feel about this? Is she on board with the "fly them to Haiti so I can beat them and mock them for their inability to call CPS" plan?
|
|
jkapp
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 23, 2010 12:05:08 GMT -5
Posts: 5,416
|
Post by jkapp on Aug 14, 2014 14:28:38 GMT -5
DH is very anti spanking. He was regularly beaten as a kid and paddled by teachers. He still has flashbacks and triggers that bring all of those bad memories to the surface. It would never cross his mind to slap DS across the face. Of course to be fair- it would never cross DS' mind to spit on his dad or me.
I feel for those of you raising dramatic (stressful? difficult?) children. Forgive me use of the word "dramatic" not sure what is the proper politically correct term.
I don't understand physical violence being used to deter physical violence. It's that whole "I'm going to smack you to teach you not to smack me". Seems counterproductive to me.
I'm curious as to how the anti-spanking crowd would handle a child like this? I've seen kids like this and there's no talking to them, so I'm not sure what you would think would work? Here are some possible ideas that I've seen used, and following them are the exact responses from the kids involved: "You're grounded!" her response: God, I fucking hate you! "We don't spit/hit people in this family!" her response: Whatever! "Go to your room!" her response: No, and you can't make me. Fuck you! And a counselor? Pfft, they only work if the child understands their behavior is wrong and that they need to change (just like any counseling, for child or adult).
|
|
Angel!
Senior Associate
Politics Admin
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 11:44:08 GMT -5
Posts: 10,722
|
Post by Angel! on Aug 14, 2014 14:32:51 GMT -5
so when a husband and wife are fighting and emotions run high and it's just a smack, it's all good? Well, if my husband spit in my face, I'd probably smack him. I tried that....I mostly missed & then he punched me. The day kind of went downhill from there. I could see momentarily losing control & slapping if a 13 year old spit on me. It isn't right at all, but neither is someone that age choosing to spit on you. I thought it was a state-by-state issue, but my state also does the automatic charges if domestic violence is evident. FWIW, I did not get charged for trying to slap him even though I fully admitted to it & that was his reasoning for punching me.
|
|
Artemis Windsong
Senior Associate
The love in me salutes the love in you. M. Williamson
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 19:32:12 GMT -5
Posts: 12,401
Today's Mood: Twinkling
Location: Wishing Star
Favorite Drink: Fresh, clean cold bottled water.
|
Post by Artemis Windsong on Aug 14, 2014 14:34:28 GMT -5
My XSIL has a GrD who is parenting like the screaming teens to her children.
|
|
whoisjohngalt
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 14:12:07 GMT -5
Posts: 9,140
|
Post by whoisjohngalt on Aug 14, 2014 14:37:02 GMT -5
DH is very anti spanking. He was regularly beaten as a kid and paddled by teachers. He still has flashbacks and triggers that bring all of those bad memories to the surface. It would never cross his mind to slap DS across the face. Of course to be fair- it would never cross DS' mind to spit on his dad or me.
I feel for those of you raising dramatic (stressful? difficult?) children. Forgive me use of the word "dramatic" not sure what is the proper politically correct term.
I don't understand physical violence being used to deter physical violence. It's that whole "I'm going to smack you to teach you not to smack me". Seems counterproductive to me.
I'm curious as to how the anti-spanking crowd would handle a child like this? I've seen kids like this and there's no talking to them, so I'm not sure what you would think would work? Here are some possible ideas that I've seen used, and following them are the exact responses from the kids involved: "You're grounded!" her response: God, I fucking hate you! "We don't spit/hit people in this family!" her response: Whatever! "Go to your room!" her response: No, and you can't make me. Fuck you! And a counselor? Pfft, they only work if the child understands their behavior is wrong and that they need to change (just like any counseling, for child or adult). My kids are much younger than 13 so I don't know how I would handle a 13 yr old. I do know how I handled a 4 yr old that tried to hit and pinch me. I didn't spank him or even yelled at him, and he never did it again. And I don't care if I sound like a judgmental bitch but no kid wakes up at 13 and spits in their parents' face. It happens gradually, over the years. And while I am sure there are children who have some kind of disorder, neurological or whatever, I think a lot of times parents didn't pay attention to certain signs long before such incidents occur.
|
|
TheHaitian
Senior Associate
Joined: Jul 27, 2014 19:39:10 GMT -5
Posts: 10,144
|
Post by TheHaitian on Aug 14, 2014 14:40:53 GMT -5
Carl- Wow. So let me get this straight. If your future kids get out of control you are going to board a plane and fly them to another country so you can legally beat the crap out of them?
I don't have a way to "rehabilitate a bad teen" because my kid is actually a really great kid but I seriously doubt that flying him to another country so I could smack him around would make my list of options.
How exactly does your wife feel about this? Is she on board with the "fly them to Haiti so I can beat them and mock them for their inability to call CPS" plan? Off course it is easy for you to judge because you had a good "teen". I know the self destructive teens, I am related to them, they are the ones that fucked up so bad in their late teens ad early 20's (someone's later because they think the world owe them) that they will spend the rest of their lives paying for it. My step brother prime example: private school, great middle class life then the teens hit. He wanted to be in the hood (a kid that never knew the hood), and selling pot on the corner. First arrest before he was 16, kicked out of private school then kicked of public school. Now 26, no job, body covered of tattoos, arrest records, cannot secure a good job to support his two kids talking about how he regret his decisions. I love him but he has thrown away every opportunity my mom and step dad gave him. So yes, before my son or daughter become another statistic, another number on a sheet I will buy the ticket to Haiti to rehabilitate them. Judge away. Because you are going to judge anyway if I don't do nothing and they end up in jail, kids by 16 and another high school drop out on the government dole. Sorry, tiger mom has nothing on me and I will be damned if my kid(s) became just another statistic. But again that will not be a problem if our kids are like my wife and I. But I am ready and willing to make the hard decisions if we end up with a kid like a couple of my cousins, I will not let my teen or kid in their 20's throw away their future because they are too stupid to know WTF they are doing.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 10, 2024 10:27:00 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 14, 2014 14:41:19 GMT -5
I'm curious as to how the anti-spanking crowd would handle a child like this? I've seen kids like this and there's no talking to them, so I'm not sure what you would think would work? Here are some possible ideas that I've seen used, and following them are the exact responses from the kids involved: "You're grounded!" her response: God, I fucking hate you! "We don't spit/hit people in this family!" her response: Whatever! "Go to your room!" her response: No, and you can't make me. Fuck you! And a counselor? Pfft, they only work if the child understands their behavior is wrong and that they need to change (just like any counseling, for child or adult). My kids are much younger than 13 so I don't know how I would handle a 13 yr old. I do know how I handled a 4 yr old that tried to hit and pinch me. I didn't spank him or even yelled at him, and he never did it again.And I don't care if I sound like a judgmental bitch but no kid wakes up at 13 and spits in their parents' face. It happens gradually, over the years. And while I am sure there are children who have some kind of disorder, neurological or whatever, I think a lot of times parents didn't pay attention to certain signs long before such incidents occur. Well, that's not very helpful to those of us dealing with the issue presently.
|
|
Angel!
Senior Associate
Politics Admin
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 11:44:08 GMT -5
Posts: 10,722
|
Post by Angel! on Aug 14, 2014 14:42:57 GMT -5
DH is very anti spanking. He was regularly beaten as a kid and paddled by teachers. He still has flashbacks and triggers that bring all of those bad memories to the surface. It would never cross his mind to slap DS across the face. Of course to be fair- it would never cross DS' mind to spit on his dad or me.
I feel for those of you raising dramatic (stressful? difficult?) children. Forgive me use of the word "dramatic" not sure what is the proper politically correct term.
I don't understand physical violence being used to deter physical violence. It's that whole "I'm going to smack you to teach you not to smack me". Seems counterproductive to me.
For the most part I agree. But there are times I am at my wit's end with DD & she will get a smack on the butt, usually when she is being carried kicking and screaming to her room. Maybe I am a bad parent, but at times I don't know how else to get through to her. Words when she is in that state are basically useless. "Go to your room" will get the reply "NO, YOU GO TO YOUR ROOM!!!" She is 3 & I am terrified of how she will behave at 13 because right now she is one of the most defiant children I have ever met at times. 98% of the time she is really good, but when she has a meltdown it is hell.
|
|
Angel!
Senior Associate
Politics Admin
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 11:44:08 GMT -5
Posts: 10,722
|
Post by Angel! on Aug 14, 2014 14:48:25 GMT -5
Carl- Wow. So let me get this straight. If your future kids get out of control you are going to board a plane and fly them to another country so you can legally beat the crap out of them?
I don't have a way to "rehabilitate a bad teen" because my kid is actually a really great kid but I seriously doubt that flying him to another country so I could smack him around would make my list of options.
How exactly does your wife feel about this? Is she on board with the "fly them to Haiti so I can beat them and mock them for their inability to call CPS" plan? Off course it is easy for you to judge because you had a good "teen". I know the self destructive teens, I am related to them, they are the ones that fucked up so bad in their late teens ad early 20's (someone's later because they think the world owe them) that they will spend the rest of their lives paying for it. My step brother prime example: private school, great middle class life then the teens hit. He wanted to be in the hood (a kid that never knew the hood), and selling pot on the corner. First arrest before he was 16, kicked out of private school then kicked of public school. Now 26, no job, body covered of tattoos, arrest records, cannot secure a good job to support his two kids talking about how he regret his decisions. I love him but he has thrown away every opportunity my mom and step dad gave him. So yes, before my son or daughter become another statistic, another number on a sheet I will buy the ticket to Haiti to rehabilitate them. Judge away. Because you are going to judge anyway if I don't do nothing and they end up in jail, kids by 16 and another high school drop out on the government dole. Sorry, tiger mom has nothing on me and I will be damned if my kid(s) became just another statistic. But again that will not be a problem if our kids are like my wife and I. But I am ready and willing to make the hard decisions if we end up with a kid like a couple of my cousins, I will not let my teen or kid in their 20's throw away their future because they are too stupid to know WTF they are doing. I think the problems with these kids started way before they were teens. Either parents ignore the problems or really don't see the signs until the kid is large enough to be totally out of control. So, I think beating the crap out of a 13 year old here or in Haiti is not going to do much & is bad parenting. I think realizing at 8 that the kid needs serious help before they ever get that bad is much better. And if that didn't work or wasn't an option, my kids would be going to some sort of bootcamp/military school program to get straightened out. FWIW, I am assuming DD's problems right now are because she is 3 and it has been a tough year for her. If she is still acting this poorly in a year from now, we will be going to counseling & whatever is necessary because at a certain point there is a bigger problem than toddler tantrums.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 10, 2024 10:27:00 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 14, 2014 14:49:06 GMT -5
There is something about a smack on the butt that snaps my 4 year old out of whatever the hell crazy world he's in. It's like hitting the reset button. He doesn't get one a lot, but definitely more than his brother did. His brother I could stick in his room or a corner and two minutes later he'd recomposed himself. Younger one will start throwing toys and tearing everything off his bed if I do that. He is getting better though.
|
|
raeoflyte
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 3, 2011 15:43:53 GMT -5
Posts: 15,014
|
Post by raeoflyte on Aug 14, 2014 14:49:17 GMT -5
DH is very anti spanking. He was regularly beaten as a kid and paddled by teachers. He still has flashbacks and triggers that bring all of those bad memories to the surface. It would never cross his mind to slap DS across the face. Of course to be fair- it would never cross DS' mind to spit on his dad or me.
I feel for those of you raising dramatic (stressful? difficult?) children. Forgive me use of the word "dramatic" not sure what is the proper politically correct term.
I don't understand physical violence being used to deter physical violence. It's that whole "I'm going to smack you to teach you not to smack me". Seems counterproductive to me.
I'm curious as to how the anti-spanking crowd would handle a child like this? I've seen kids like this and there's no talking to them, so I'm not sure what you would think would work? Here are some possible ideas that I've seen used, and following them are the exact responses from the kids involved: "You're grounded!" her response: God, I fucking hate you! "We don't spit/hit people in this family!" her response: Whatever! "Go to your room!" her response: No, and you can't make me. Fuck you! And a counselor? Pfft, they only work if the child understands their behavior is wrong and that they need to change (just like any counseling, for child or adult). Take away all electronics, cancel cable or get rid of tv's all together, computer time only for homework in public room.of house, no allowance, dropped off at school and picked up.immediately afterwards, no rides anywhere else, strip her bedroom of everything but a bed.... All while trying to talk to the kid and help them learn to control their actions. Teaching kids who can't control their emotions that hitting is an acceptable solution to problems seems wrought with potential to backfire. Sent from my ADR6410LVW using proboards
|
|
TheHaitian
Senior Associate
Joined: Jul 27, 2014 19:39:10 GMT -5
Posts: 10,144
|
Post by TheHaitian on Aug 14, 2014 14:49:31 GMT -5
And I don't care if I sound like a judgmental bitch but no kid wakes up at 13 and spits in their parents' face. It happens gradually, over the years. And while I am sure there are children who have some kind of disorder, neurological or whatever, I think a lot of times parents didn't pay attention to certain signs long before such incidents occur. X 1,000 I am grateful that my wife, DMIL and I share the same values when it come to discipline. No it is not cute when little Johny at 1-2 year old start punching or bitting, you need to stop that right now. Or every time little Suzie at 3-5 throw a tantrum you let her have her way. You never correct or discipline them now at 14-15 you expect them to suddenly learn it is not ok and conform accordingly.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 10, 2024 10:27:00 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 14, 2014 14:50:41 GMT -5
I don't think any kids of Carl's will ever get to the point where they need to be hauled to Haiti.
|
|
midjd
Administrator
Your Money Admin
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 14:09:23 GMT -5
Posts: 17,720
|
Post by midjd on Aug 14, 2014 14:50:44 GMT -5
What is it with the younger kids anyway? I know Swamp struggles with attitude from her younger DD, my younger DD can drive me bonkers pretty quickly, beerwench had problems with her DD too, MPL's younger DS is having issues... Makes me think parenting second kids is doomed <<schedules hysterectomy>>
|
|