The Captain
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Post by The Captain on Aug 14, 2014 11:59:26 GMT -5
(Please oh please let DD continue to be the respectful, reasonable person that she is )
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Aug 14, 2014 12:03:13 GMT -5
But they HAVE been actively working with her. She is a demon's spawn, always been like that. No matter what they tried, it hasn't worked. They have worked with scool counselors, tried taking her to counselling. She does not go. Ends up in another full blown tantrum and drama. I do believe that sometimes parents can reach their wit's end too.Absolutely. I know I feel like I reach it with my DS once a month. YOu mean it gets better than being at one's wit's ends daily?!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 14, 2014 12:06:16 GMT -5
Absolutely. I know I feel like I reach it with my DS once a month. YOu mean it gets better than being at one's wit's ends daily?! No kidding! Nearly every single morning at our house is a stress filled battle to get out the door.
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swasat
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Post by swasat on Aug 14, 2014 12:09:04 GMT -5
What is it with the younger kids anyway? I know Swamp struggles with attitude from her younger DD, my younger DD can drive me bonkers pretty quickly, beerwench had problems with her DD too, MPL's younger DS is having issues... Makes me think parenting second kids is doomed
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justme
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Post by justme on Aug 14, 2014 12:13:42 GMT -5
There's such a thing as being arrested for child abuse, but when it comes to adults I think it's just domestic violence. Probably just semantics.
And yes, spitting in someone's face is assault/battery as much as hitting them when it comes to the law.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Aug 14, 2014 12:15:30 GMT -5
Glad CPS was able to take the common sense approach.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Aug 14, 2014 12:16:59 GMT -5
My aunt and uncle had one of their bratty teenage foster kids call CPS and say uncle was sexually abusing her. Boy, THAT was a cluster for a long time! What happened with that?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 14, 2014 12:20:33 GMT -5
What is it with the younger kids anyway? I know Swamp struggles with attitude from her younger DD, my younger DD can drive me bonkers pretty quickly, beerwench had problems with her DD too, MPL's younger DS is having issues... Makes me think parenting second kids is doomed I need a male version of this old nursery rhyme for my younger son. There was a little girl who had a little curl, right in the middle of her forehead. When she was good, she was very, very good. But when she was bad she was horrid!
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Green Eyed Lady
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Post by Green Eyed Lady on Aug 14, 2014 12:20:49 GMT -5
Oh man. I cringe whem I read these threads. I can't even imagine what would have happened to me had I spat in my mother's face. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have lived long enough to get to the telephone.
I don't believe in hitting for any reason - adult or child. That being said, my parents didn't have the problems with us as others describe having with their kids. I'm absolutely SURE most of our good behavior was a result of pure and unadulterated fear. I'm pretty certain that's not exactly a good thing....but it worked. We didn't spit or mouth off or defy and I suppose that was the point.
Sure, on occasion, we lost our minds and did something stupid and maybe that's what happened to this dad. A single instance of losing control didn't make us bad kids and I don't think it makes him a bad dad either - nor is it a reason to remove the child from their custody. IMO, they got this one right.
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greeniis10
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Post by greeniis10 on Aug 14, 2014 12:23:14 GMT -5
The Captain, yep, there is an older DB. My friend is stumped. Two kids, same household, same rules, same upbringing, they actively try to treat both kids the same, and yet the poor boy gets sidelined most times because of his younger sister's drama queen mode. I feel bad for all of them (well maybe not for the DD ) She is a real demon's spawn. That's really, really sad. I hope they can get some help. I (thankfully) have never dealt with anything like that, but I tend to believe that if a child is acting like that they are desperately screaming out for help, but do not know or understand what they need. The DD may have some deeper issue (learning disability or even hidden physical issue: hearing loss, trouble seeing) that she's hidden so well that no one knows. Kids are masters at learning to fit in even if it is the worst thing they can do.
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swasat
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Post by swasat on Aug 14, 2014 12:23:36 GMT -5
What is it with the younger kids anyway? I know Swamp struggles with attitude from her younger DD, my younger DD can drive me bonkers pretty quickly, beerwench had problems with her DD too, MPL's younger DS is having issues... Makes me think parenting second kids is doomed I need a male version of this old nursery rhyme for my younger son. There was a little girl who had a little curl, right in the middle of her forehead. When she was good, she was very, very good. But when she was bad she was horrid!
There was a little girl who had a little curl, right in the middle of her forehead. When she was good, she was very, very good. But when she was bad she was horrid!The thing is that she was good very, very few times and coud drive her parents SO up the wall, they even started praying to the divine!!!Make it that and you describe my 6yo
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 14, 2014 12:24:31 GMT -5
My aunt and uncle had one of their bratty teenage foster kids call CPS and say uncle was sexually abusing her. Boy, THAT was a cluster for a long time! What happened with that? Well, all the kids that were in foster care AND their own kids were removed from the home while they investigated. Turns out she had done the same thing to a previous foster family, but just because she was lying once, didn't mean she was lying this time, so they had to give her the benefit of the doubt. Their own kids were returned fairly soon after, but the fosters never were. By the time it was worked out (several months) they had been settled somewhere else. There were never any charges, and they did foster and adopt more kids after that, but if I remember right it was a lot of red tape for nearly a year. The girl actually openly admitted she had lied later.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Aug 14, 2014 12:25:03 GMT -5
Once again, I find it interesting that noone here thinks this is abuse. If he'd done it to his wife, it would have been domestic violence and battery. EVEN IF she spit in his face. But because the kid was underage she has less protections than an adult. Shameful. There's a fundamental difference between an adult and a kid. A kid misbehaving needs to be disciplined and taught how to act correctly. Adults, at least in theory, should know better and be able to behave like adults.
I'm with Archie that in general I don't think hitting your kids is good parenting and should be avoided it if at all possible, but sometimes emotions run high and it happens. And there's a difference between a smack and beating the shit out of someone.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 14, 2014 12:29:28 GMT -5
Once again, I find it interesting that noone here thinks this is abuse. If he'd done it to his wife, it would have been domestic violence and battery. EVEN IF she spit in his face. But because the kid was underage she has less protections than an adult. Shameful. There's a fundamental difference between an adult and a kid. A kid misbehaving needs to be disciplined and taught how to act correctly. Adults, at least in theory, should know better and be able to behave like adults.
I'm with Archie that in general I don't think hitting your kids is good parenting and should be avoided it if at all possible, but sometimes emotions run high and it happens. And there's a difference between a smack and beating the shit out of someone.
so when a husband and wife are fighting and emotions run high and it's just a smack, it's all good?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 14, 2014 12:30:38 GMT -5
There's a fundamental difference between an adult and a kid. A kid misbehaving needs to be disciplined and taught how to act correctly. Adults, at least in theory, should know better and be able to behave like adults.
I'm with Archie that in general I don't think hitting your kids is good parenting and should be avoided it if at all possible, but sometimes emotions run high and it happens. And there's a difference between a smack and beating the shit out of someone.
so when a husband and wife are fighting and emotions run high and it's just a smack, it's all good? It stopped being good when someone spit in someone's face.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 14, 2014 12:30:53 GMT -5
There's a fundamental difference between an adult and a kid. A kid misbehaving needs to be disciplined and taught how to act correctly. Adults, at least in theory, should know better and be able to behave like adults.
I'm with Archie that in general I don't think hitting your kids is good parenting and should be avoided it if at all possible, but sometimes emotions run high and it happens. And there's a difference between a smack and beating the shit out of someone.
so when a husband and wife are fighting and emotions run high and it's just a smack, it's all good? Well, if my husband spit in my face, I'd probably smack him.
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HoneyBBQ
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Post by HoneyBBQ on Aug 14, 2014 12:32:09 GMT -5
Not abuse, but I hope I never slap or hit my kids. I also hope my kids don't go through that kind of stage. Sent from my ADR6410LVW using proboardsT \ I'm an athiest, but I pray every day for this.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 14, 2014 12:33:07 GMT -5
Well, all the kids that were in foster care AND their own kids were removed from the home while they investigated. Turns out she had done the same thing to a previous foster family, but just because she was lying once, didn't mean she was lying this time, so they had to give her the benefit of the doubt. Their own kids were returned fairly soon after, but the fosters never were. By the time it was worked out (several months) they had been settled somewhere else. There were never any charges, and they did foster and adopt more kids after that, but if I remember right it was a lot of red tape for nearly a year. The girl actually openly admitted she had lied later. This is why it is so hard to place teen girls. LGW called 911 to report me for child abuse once. GW knew that could mean she would move and it scared the bejesus out of her. Thank goodness LGW described exactly what happened and they didn't even need to do an investigation. That's when I knew she needed to move.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Aug 14, 2014 12:34:29 GMT -5
The Captain, yep, there is an older DB. My friend is stumped. Two kids, same household, same rules, same upbringing, they actively try to treat both kids the same, and yet the poor boy gets sidelined most times because of his younger sister's drama queen mode. I feel bad for all of them (well maybe not for the DD ) She is a real demon's spawn. That, once again, makes me wonder about nature vs nurture thing. Although, I don't know if having all the "same" is a good idea either. Unless kids are identical. I also think a lot of parents are trying to deal with how their children behave vs trying to teach their children how to behave and handle things. Which is not the same thing.
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HoneyBBQ
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Post by HoneyBBQ on Aug 14, 2014 12:35:20 GMT -5
Once again, I find it interesting that noone here thinks this is abuse. If he'd done it to his wife, it would have been domestic violence and battery. EVEN IF she spit in his face. But because the kid was underage she has less protections than an adult. Shameful. There's a fundamental difference between an adult and a kid. A kid misbehaving needs to be disciplined and taught how to act correctly. Adults, at least in theory, should know better and be able to behave like adults.
I believe a slap doesn't 'teach' anything but that violence is an appropriate response to something you don't like.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Aug 14, 2014 12:39:24 GMT -5
Once again, I find it interesting that noone here thinks this is abuse. If he'd done it to his wife, it would have been domestic violence and battery. EVEN IF she spit in his face. But because the kid was underage she has less protections than an adult. Shameful. There's a fundamental difference between an adult and a kid. A kid misbehaving needs to be disciplined and taught how to act correctly. Adults, at least in theory, should know better and be able to behave like adults.
I'm with Archie that in general I don't think hitting your kids is good parenting and should be avoided it if at all possible, but sometimes emotions run high and it happens. And there's a difference between a smack and beating the shit out of someone.
I think that's even more of an argument not to physically discipline kids. If my dh slaps me I have the life skills to deal with it. Kids don't and how they process it, and how they take that experience into adulthood are unknown. Sent from my ADR6410LVW using proboards
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Aug 14, 2014 12:40:11 GMT -5
There's a fundamental difference between an adult and a kid. A kid misbehaving needs to be disciplined and taught how to act correctly. Adults, at least in theory, should know better and be able to behave like adults.
I believe a slap doesn't 'teach' anything but that violence is an appropriate response to something you don't like. I agree, it's not good parenting or teaching anything. As I said though, shit happens and I don't consider one incident "abuse." To me, abuse implies an ongoing process of multiple incidents.
I'm not saying losing control in a heated moment is a good thing, quite the opposite. But I don't think one incident of someone losing control and slapping their kid is justification for taking the kids away and locking up the adult.
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Sam_2.0
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Post by Sam_2.0 on Aug 14, 2014 12:40:32 GMT -5
What is it with the younger kids anyway? I know Swamp struggles with attitude from her younger DD, my younger DD can drive me bonkers pretty quickly, beerwench had problems with her DD too, MPL's younger DS is having issues... Makes me think parenting second kids is doomed Dammit, don't tell me that! Ours is hatching in a couple of weeks now and you all have me scared!!
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chiver78
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Post by chiver78 on Aug 14, 2014 12:41:01 GMT -5
Not me I have a friend who has been having quite a few issues with her 13yo DD. To summarize, DD is a wild child! Does not listen, screams, yells, disobeys, does not follow any rules (not even the most basic ones like putting her plate away after dinner), basically EVERYTHING is an uphill battle with her. Its been like that for at least 5 years now. Friend and her DH are at their wits end. They have tried everything and nothing works. So last week, there was drama at home yet again. DD wanted something or do something that the parents did not approve. Full blown drama ensued at the dinner table and in a fit of rage DD spit on my friend's face! Friend's DH got really really mad and slapped DD across the face then. What do you know....DD stomps upstairs and an hour later doorbell rings. Its two people from CPS. DD, apparantly called 911 with child abuse complaint, who then informed CPS. Here is the climax : When CPS asked the parents they didn't hold anythign back. Gave the detailed explanation. CPS agent sighs, and then thanks the parents for "actually parenting a child". They talked to DD, told her what they knew, confirmed facts with her and then let her know that they will not be taking any action because its obvious the slap wasn't "abuse". Its what she deserved for being that bad to family. So...what does NMSNM think?? my mom had a friend w/a daughter like that. her response to the CPS people was that she would slap her daughter across the face right in front of them if she called her a C again. the CPS people said thank you ma'am, have a nice night.
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The Captain
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Post by The Captain on Aug 14, 2014 12:41:15 GMT -5
The Captain, yep, there is an older DB. My friend is stumped. Two kids, same household, same rules, same upbringing, they actively try to treat both kids the same, and yet the poor boy gets sidelined most times because of his younger sister's drama queen mode. I feel bad for all of them (well maybe not for the DD ) She is a real demon's spawn. That sucks. I hope they are able to somehow work it out before she moves out.
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swasat
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Post by swasat on Aug 14, 2014 12:42:15 GMT -5
What is it with the younger kids anyway? I know Swamp struggles with attitude from her younger DD, my younger DD can drive me bonkers pretty quickly, beerwench had problems with her DD too, MPL's younger DS is having issues... Makes me think parenting second kids is doomed Dammit, don't tell me that! Ours is hatching in a couple of weeks now and you all have me scared!! If your first born is a handful then you can rest easy. As my mom used to say...... "You only get punished ONCE"
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Sam_2.0
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Post by Sam_2.0 on Aug 14, 2014 12:44:13 GMT -5
Dammit, don't tell me that! Ours is hatching in a couple of weeks now and you all have me scared!! If your first born is a handful then you can rest easy. As my mom used to say...... "You only get punished ONCE" Whew.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 14, 2014 12:47:58 GMT -5
What is it with the younger kids anyway? I know Swamp struggles with attitude from her younger DD, my younger DD can drive me bonkers pretty quickly, beerwench had problems with her DD too, MPL's younger DS is having issues... Makes me think parenting second kids is doomed Dammit, don't tell me that! Ours is hatching in a couple of weeks now and you all have me scared!! Don't get me wrong, my second is a complete joy sometimes, but he is so not like his brother at all. It's like they're opposites in practically everything. I thought I had the parenting thing down, and then this one comes along and shakes everything up. But yeah, lots of attitude. Not a STEM kid. He's going to go into acting. Drama, drama, drama!
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Aug 14, 2014 12:49:25 GMT -5
There's a fundamental difference between an adult and a kid. A kid misbehaving needs to be disciplined and taught how to act correctly. Adults, at least in theory, should know better and be able to behave like adults.
I'm with Archie that in general I don't think hitting your kids is good parenting and should be avoided it if at all possible, but sometimes emotions run high and it happens. And there's a difference between a smack and beating the shit out of someone.
so when a husband and wife are fighting and emotions run high and it's just a smack, it's all good? No, it's not all good. It's unacceptable. But I also think it's understandable that in tense situations people lose control and do things they later regret.
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Sam_2.0
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Post by Sam_2.0 on Aug 14, 2014 12:50:15 GMT -5
DH was the drama major (musical theater) and I was the STEM major (math). I figure one or the other of us should be able to handle what these kids can drum up
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