Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 15, 2014 13:48:18 GMT -5
It seemed relevant, so I wouldn't have considered it a hijack. Even more relevant I have now gotten 2 emails filled with...I never should have loved you, you are evil, I can't stop crying, I was so sad I didn't get to wave at DS1 today, tell the kids goodbye forever & tell them it is because their mother is selfish, it isn't fair you took my kids, etc, etc, etc. My favorite was the last line "I am done trying to be the bigger man" I just replied with "Let me know when you would like to see or talk to the kids" Hey! I've got those. Well...usually texts, but still. The very same thing! I hate you. You're evil. You're destroying the kids. I'm going to kill myself. You're not worth it. You're the loser. I'm going to kill you. I love you. I'm sorry. I hate myself.
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The Captain
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Post by The Captain on Aug 15, 2014 13:58:14 GMT -5
Good GAWD (and Angel and MPL - please realize I'm trying to lighten this up) You could seriously write a script for these dudes, yanno - word for word: I'll change... We are good for each other... I can't live without you... The kids deserve both parents... The good times outweight the bad... Maybe we should list them all out and pass that around to everyone. It'll save them the effort of thinking of something new and all you have to do is take a pen and cross each line off as he says it...
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swamp
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THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
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Post by swamp on Aug 15, 2014 14:04:08 GMT -5
Good GAWD (and Angel and MPL - please realize I'm trying to lighten this up) You could seriously write a script for these dudes, yanno - word for word: I'll change... We are good for each other... I can't live without you... The kids deserve both parents... The good times outweight the bad... Maybe we should list them all out and pass that around to everyone. It'll save them the effort of thinking of something new and all you have to do is take a pen and cross each line off as he says it... we can play idiot bingo.
Fill up a card with the relevant phrases. first one to get them all checked off wins a bottle of wine.
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Aug 15, 2014 14:16:13 GMT -5
It seemed relevant, so I wouldn't have considered it a hijack. Even more relevant I have now gotten 2 emails filled with...I never should have loved you, you are evil, I can't stop crying, I was so sad I didn't get to wave at DS1 today, tell the kids goodbye forever & tell them it is because their mother is selfish, it isn't fair you took my kids, etc, etc, etc. My favorite was the last line "I am done trying to be the bigger man" I just replied with "Let me know when you would like to see or talk to the kids" he didn't ask, did he? you shouldn't have responded at all! Argh! No he didn't ask. I thought that was supposed to be my response no matter what he said. I'm confused and no good at this!
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Aug 15, 2014 14:16:49 GMT -5
If he asks a question about the kids, answer it. If he is just talking at you, ignore it. But you're doing fine.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 15, 2014 14:33:39 GMT -5
You are setting boundaries - but also engaging in ongoing "whos at fault", etc. Don't do that. When he makes a reasonable request - like photos - send them without fanfare. When he makes accusations or other unwanted communications - either don't respond - or only respond with the appropriate response such as "you may call the kids when you like". It's a process to disengage, so keep distancing yourself. Thanks, I know you are right & I need to try harder. It is just soooo hard not to reply when he is being an ass & baiting me. I am doing better though & have successfully ignored so many emails & casual statements that I use to respond to. Didn't ask where the hell he was suppossedly waiting & didn't ask why he wasn't living with his new GF, although I am curious about both. From here forward, since I feel I have made it clear that I am done communicating outside of issues regardin the kids, hopefully I will be much better. I did feel bad disengaging without at least telling him I was doing so. I've had to disengage from a crazy person and it really is hard to not respond when they're baiting you. Just keep moving forward and it will get easier to ignore the foolishness. Do you think he will do something else to try to get your attention if you stick to your boundaries? Some people that do that kind of stuff don't respond well to being ignored. That shouldn't deter you, but it's something to think about.
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Aug 15, 2014 14:43:24 GMT -5
Thanks, I know you are right & I need to try harder. It is just soooo hard not to reply when he is being an ass & baiting me. I am doing better though & have successfully ignored so many emails & casual statements that I use to respond to. Didn't ask where the hell he was suppossedly waiting & didn't ask why he wasn't living with his new GF, although I am curious about both. From here forward, since I feel I have made it clear that I am done communicating outside of issues regardin the kids, hopefully I will be much better. I did feel bad disengaging without at least telling him I was doing so. I've had to disengage from a crazy person and it really is hard to not respond when they're baiting you. Just keep moving forward and it will get easier to ignore the foolishness. Do you think he will do something else to try to get your attention if you stick to your boundaries? Some people that do that kind of stuff don't respond well to being ignored. That shouldn't deter you, but it's something to think about. I honestly don't know. That is why I always use to respond. Better to have a drunk guy yell at you on the phone than a drunk guy show up at your door because you ignored the phone. I feel like he won't because quite a bit of time has passed for him to at least start accepting the divorce, but I could be wrong
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Peace Of Mind
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Aug 15, 2014 14:49:44 GMT -5
he didn't ask, did he? you shouldn't have responded at all! Argh! No he didn't ask. I thought that was supposed to be my response no matter what he said. I'm confused and no good at this! You are still emotionally involved so you will need more time. Feel free to ask us first and we'll be glad to help and remain respectful so he hopefully won't show up at your door. But none of us are emotionally involved so we can keep calm in our responses. Except this part... HE'S NUTS AND STOP TALKING TO HIM!! Ok - I'm ready to respond in a calm manner now.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 15, 2014 18:08:34 GMT -5
Thanks, I know you are right & I need to try harder. It is just soooo hard not to reply when he is being an ass & baiting me. I am doing better though & have successfully ignored so many emails & casual statements that I use to respond to. Didn't ask where the hell he was suppossedly waiting & didn't ask why he wasn't living with his new GF, although I am curious about both. From here forward, since I feel I have made it clear that I am done communicating outside of issues regardin the kids, hopefully I will be much better. I did feel bad disengaging without at least telling him I was doing so. I've had to disengage from a crazy person and it really is hard to not respond when they're baiting you. Just keep moving forward and it will get easier to ignore the foolishness.
Do you think he will do something else to try to get your attention if you stick to your boundaries? Some people that do that kind of stuff don't respond well to being ignored. That shouldn't deter you, but it's something to think about. Not responding to the crazy was a lot easier for me than not responding now when he's acting good.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 15, 2014 20:03:09 GMT -5
Unless HE specifically asks to see the kids or asks for pictures, i wouldnt respond. Dont assume anything. He is saying everything only to manipulate you. You shouldnt have to interpret his emails. If he is not asking to see the kids, then dont interpret that as wanting to see the kids (even if you really know). The more you respond, the more he will bother you. I am sorry you are going through this.
I am counting my blessings that no matter how much i dislike my ex and things he has done, stalking/bothering has never been something he did.
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Works4me
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Post by Works4me on Aug 15, 2014 20:11:35 GMT -5
I think that "Let me know when you would like to see or talk to the kids" is a perfect reply to anything he says - even the "woe is me" emails. It is brief, succinct and accurate - perfect "lather, rinse, repeat" reply.
As far as recovery, it does take time but look how far you have come in the last few years!
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ZaireinHD
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Post by ZaireinHD on Aug 16, 2014 1:43:14 GMT -5
GEEZ Angel this is ALOT to deal with! However I must give you a pat on the back because it appears you are handling your situation great! oh and your x- is a weirdo! emotional train wreck!
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imanangel
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Post by imanangel on Aug 16, 2014 7:21:11 GMT -5
Good GAWD (and Angel and MPL - please realize I'm trying to lighten this up) You could seriously write a script for these dudes, yanno - word for word: I'll change... We are good for each other... I can't live without you... The kids deserve both parents... The good times outweight the bad... Maybe we should list them all out and pass that around to everyone. It'll save them the effort of thinking of something new and all you have to do is take a pen and cross each line off as he says it... we can play idiot bingo.
Fill up a card with the relevant phrases. first one to get them all checked off wins a bottle of wine.
I was going to suggest a drinking game, but I am thinking now we would ALL get pretty trashed very quickly with these two douchecanoes!
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Aug 16, 2014 7:55:20 GMT -5
We used to play a bingo game during teacher meetings. Not very nice but hearing the same old shit over and over again got really old.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 16, 2014 10:05:55 GMT -5
It seemed relevant, so I wouldn't have considered it a hijack. Even more relevant I have now gotten 2 emails filled with...I never should have loved you, you are evil, I can't stop crying, I was so sad I didn't get to wave at DS1 today, tell the kids goodbye forever & tell them it is because their mother is selfish, it isn't fair you took my kids, etc, etc, etc. My favorite was the last line "I am done trying to be the bigger man" I just replied with "Let me know when you would like to see or talk to the kids" yup, got lots of those....usually just replied 'you do whatever you need to, got to go now'.
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ZaireinHD
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Post by ZaireinHD on Aug 17, 2014 23:40:00 GMT -5
phew!! found it
question if / when he gets evicted - is there a plan not to let him live with you?
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Aug 18, 2014 8:37:21 GMT -5
phew!! found it question if / when he gets evicted - is there a plan not to let him live with you? There is a plan. It's called a court date and some jail time the week before. Timing is everything, I tell ya.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 18, 2014 9:17:38 GMT -5
Angel! is he working again? How did he get an apartment in the first place? I thought he was unemployed and just crashing at friend's houses?
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ZaireinHD
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Post by ZaireinHD on Aug 18, 2014 11:22:47 GMT -5
is that what he was doing - I missed that? I only remembered the one post of him getting close to being evicted.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Aug 18, 2014 12:13:36 GMT -5
is that what he was doing - I missed that? I only remembered the one post of him getting close to being evicted. He has court on the 18th of this month, with some possible jail time for good measure. One can only hope. Karma with bars.
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Aug 19, 2014 9:48:06 GMT -5
phew!! found it question if / when he gets evicted - is there a plan not to let him live with you? Hell no! Maybe that is what he is hoping when he keeps casually mentioning he is losing his place, but no way it is happening. To answer the other questions....He is not working right now. Supposedly he still has his job, but needs a doctor's approval to go back to work & he says the doctor won't let him work. Have no idea if that is at all true. I kind of find it hard to believe because he was messing up that job before his accident & missed several days of work...getting to high or just not feeling like going. He has his own place. He had started school back in January & a few days after his accident his student loan money came through. He had to drop school that semester & somehow managed to get some sort of medical excuse & was still eligible for loan money in the summer even though he dropped spring semester. So he has been living off the loans & grants. He told me he isn't eligible to go back in fall, so I am guessing he stopped going to class & has gotten kicked out. Also have no idea what really happened there. As far as court, I don't actually know what happened. His monday court date was removed from the system which I assume means he either took a deal on Friday or got it postponed somehow. If he took a deal it almost guaranteed should have involved jail time, but he isn't in jail right now. So, maybe they gave him some time & he is supposed to report in a week or something or there is another court day too far in the future to show up in the system. Or maybe he somehow got charges dropped He hasn't contacted me since the emails I mentioned last week.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Aug 19, 2014 10:06:01 GMT -5
is that what he was doing - I missed that? I only remembered the one post of him getting close to being evicted. He has court on the 18th of this month, with some possible jail time for good measure. One can only hope. Karma with bars. I doubt he'll get jail time but I'm really hoping that I'm just being a cynical cranky person today and am wrong.
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Aug 19, 2014 10:19:57 GMT -5
You are communicating way too much, you are not going to get any sence out of him, you are not going to get him to behave, you are not going to get him to act right. Stop communicating unless it is a direct question about the children.
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Aug 19, 2014 10:23:02 GMT -5
To answer the other questions....He is not working right now. Supposedly he still has his job, but needs a doctor's approval to go back to work & he says the doctor won't let him work. Have no idea if that is at all true. I kind of find it hard to believe because he was messing up that job before his accident & missed several days of work...getting to high or just not feeling like going.
He has his own place. He had started school back in January & a few days after his accident his student loan money came through. He had to drop school that semester & somehow managed to get some sort of medical excuse & was still eligible for loan money in the summer even though he dropped spring semester. So he has been living off the loans & grants. He told me he isn't eligible to go back in fall, so I am guessing he stopped going to class & has gotten kicked out. Also have no idea what really happened there.
As far as court, I don't actually know what happened. His monday court date was removed from the system which I assume means he either took a deal on Friday or got it postponed somehow. If he took a deal it almost guaranteed should have involved jail time, but he isn't in jail right now. So, maybe they gave him some time & he is supposed to report in a week or something or there is another court day too far in the future to show up in the system. Or maybe he somehow got charges dropped
THIS..If you didn't still care or like the attention or the drama you certainly wouldn't know this much information, either someone is telling you, in that case so I don't want to hear, you are asking someone or you are asking him. If he starts telling you, say I am not interested in your day to day life.
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Aug 19, 2014 10:31:14 GMT -5
THIS..If you didn't still care or like the attention or the drama you certainly wouldn't know this much information, either someone is telling you, in that case so I don't want to hear, you are asking someone or you are asking him. If he starts telling you, say I am not interested in your day to day life. All the court information I know from the internet. I don't ask him anything nor do I have any interest in asking his friends for info. The other stuff is mostly old news from quite a while ago, with the exception of the eviction on the 26th which he mentioned in a recent email.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Aug 19, 2014 10:32:30 GMT -5
To answer the other questions....He is not working right now. Supposedly he still has his job, but needs a doctor's approval to go back to work & he says the doctor won't let him work. Have no idea if that is at all true. I kind of find it hard to believe because he was messing up that job before his accident & missed several days of work...getting to high or just not feeling like going. He has his own place. He had started school back in January & a few days after his accident his student loan money came through. He had to drop school that semester & somehow managed to get some sort of medical excuse & was still eligible for loan money in the summer even though he dropped spring semester. So he has been living off the loans & grants. He told me he isn't eligible to go back in fall, so I am guessing he stopped going to class & has gotten kicked out. Also have no idea what really happened there. As far as court, I don't actually know what happened. His monday court date was removed from the system which I assume means he either took a deal on Friday or got it postponed somehow. If he took a deal it almost guaranteed should have involved jail time, but he isn't in jail right now. So, maybe they gave him some time & he is supposed to report in a week or something or there is another court day too far in the future to show up in the system. Or maybe he somehow got charges dropped THIS..If you didn't still care or like the attention or the drama you certainly wouldn't know this much information, either someone is telling you, in that case so I don't want to hear, you are asking someone or you are asking him. If he starts telling you, say I am not interested in your day to day life. Court dates are a matter of public record, Nutty. The OP doesn't need to ask what is happening, just check the court docket and that is usually available online. If you think about it, her knowing where her ex is is helpful. She has kids with him, so it gives her an idea of whether he has breathing space, or whether she needs to be concerned that he shows up on her doorstep looking for a place to sleep. In this case, knowing can keep her one step ahead of him.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 19, 2014 10:39:21 GMT -5
To answer the other questions....He is not working right now. Supposedly he still has his job, but needs a doctor's approval to go back to work & he says the doctor won't let him work. Have no idea if that is at all true. I kind of find it hard to believe because he was messing up that job before his accident & missed several days of work...getting to high or just not feeling like going. He has his own place. He had started school back in January & a few days after his accident his student loan money came through. He had to drop school that semester & somehow managed to get some sort of medical excuse & was still eligible for loan money in the summer even though he dropped spring semester. So he has been living off the loans & grants. He told me he isn't eligible to go back in fall, so I am guessing he stopped going to class & has gotten kicked out. Also have no idea what really happened there. As far as court, I don't actually know what happened. His monday court date was removed from the system which I assume means he either took a deal on Friday or got it postponed somehow. If he took a deal it almost guaranteed should have involved jail time, but he isn't in jail right now. So, maybe they gave him some time & he is supposed to report in a week or something or there is another court day too far in the future to show up in the system. Or maybe he somehow got charges dropped THIS..If you didn't still care or like the attention or the drama you certainly wouldn't know this much information, either someone is telling you, in that case so I don't want to hear, you are asking someone or you are asking him. If he starts telling you, say I am not interested in your day to day life. Court dates are a matter of public record, Nutty. The OP doesn't need to ask what is happening, just check the court docket and that is usually available online. If you think about it, her knowing where her ex is is helpful. She has kids with him, so it gives her an idea of whether he has breathing space, or whether she needs to be concerned that he shows up on her doorstep looking for a place to sleep. In this case, knowing can keep her one step ahead of him. I was just going to say the same thing. Being in the same situation, I want to know where his head is at. It would be a lot easier to just cut him out completely and walk away without the coparenting thing. I know Angel doesn't have to deal with that part since he apparently has no legal rights, but he definitely could just show up.
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Aug 19, 2014 10:42:19 GMT -5
My point was this
"He is not working right now. Supposedly he still has his job, but needs a doctor's approval to go back to work & he says the doctor won't let him work. Have no idea if that is at all true. I kind of find it hard to believe because he was messing up that job before his accident & missed several days of work...getting to high or just not feeling like going. He has his own place. He had started school back in January & a few days after his accident his student loan money came through. He had to drop school that semester & somehow managed to get some sort of medical excuse & was still eligible for loan money in the summer even though he dropped spring semester. So he has been living off the loans & grants. He told me he isn't eligible to go back in fall, so I am guessing he stopped going to class & has gotten kicked out. Also have no idea what really happened there."
The following can be explained by court records but also Angel is still thinking about him.
As far as court, I don't actually know what happened. His monday court date was removed from the system which I assume means he either took a deal on Friday or got it postponed somehow. If he took a deal it almost guaranteed should have involved jail time, but he isn't in jail right now. So, maybe they gave him some time & he is supposed to report in a week or something or there is another court day too far in the future to show up in the system. Or maybe he somehow got charges dropped
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Aug 19, 2014 10:43:51 GMT -5
If my husband showed up on my doorstep and I asked him to leave and he didn't I would be calling 911. If it's over, it's over. I understand there has to be some level of concern, but that's a whole lot of concern she is putting out for him for saying she is done.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 19, 2014 10:47:29 GMT -5
If my husband showed up on my doorstep and I asked him to leave and he didn't I would be calling 911. If it's over, it's over. I understand there has to be some level of concern, but that's a whole lot of concern she is putting out for him for saying she is done. All that you quoted were just questions people here had asked her and she had answered, so even we were curious. I don't think you quite get what it's like having an ex with mental health /drug issues.
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