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Post by Deleted on Aug 20, 2014 10:22:52 GMT -5
Well, shit, shit, shit. He just texted...first time in over a month. I'm ready to leave the state, want a bus ticket, why do you hate me, you shouldn't have my last name, you treated me like garbage, blah, blah, blah...not the important part. Next text: "Too many nights I sit and cry outside your window. Last night was even harder" Next text: "Baby girl needs to learn to sleep with her night lights...no reason to be up scared all night" I don't know if he is totally BSing me or what. But, from those statements he totally could have been somewhere. Or he could have just made some assumptions to make it sound good & get me to respond. DD has been sleeping with her light on forever, the only weird thing is last night she did wake up at some point & started screaming. I might be tempted to buy him that bus ticket to Texas. As for a restraining order. In our state you just have to be in fear and Women's Resources will do it all for you. I would think those texts would be enough if you really wanted to go that route.
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Aug 20, 2014 10:27:30 GMT -5
A bus ticket does get him the hell out of here & it will be hard for him to come back. I wish I knew what happened with the court case...did he somehow get the charges dropped or is he just running & has a warrant or what. Running could be good because he will never come back, unless there is enough to extradite & then he will be back eventually.
I did check the court docket, he has an appearance scheduled for the 26th for a civil matter, so I assume that is his eviction & he was telling the truth, this time.
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Aug 20, 2014 10:33:14 GMT -5
And yes, I am keeping everything in case I need it. I will look into a security system. Maybe I can borrow our work cameras and set them up on my fenceline for a night or two. It won't give me a live feed, but I can watch the video later & see if he really shows up. May ask the boss on that one.
No additional texts.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 20, 2014 10:35:23 GMT -5
Well, shit, shit, shit. He just texted...first time in over a month. I'm ready to leave the state, want a bus ticket, why do you hate me, you shouldn't have my last name, you treated me like garbage, blah, blah, blah...not the important part. Next text: "Too many nights I sit and cry outside your window. Last night was even harder" Next text: "Baby girl needs to learn to sleep with her night lights...no reason to be up scared all night" I don't know if he is totally BSing me or what. But, from those statements he totally could have been somewhere. Or he could have just made some assumptions to make it sound good & get me to respond. DD has been sleeping with her light on forever, the only weird thing is last night she did wake up at some point & started screaming. ignore. remember, you only respond to texts and emails about the kids.
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justme
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Post by justme on Aug 20, 2014 10:47:11 GMT -5
If your BF was over I would definitely thing your ex would have commented on that beyond a "last night was even harder" so I would think he wasn't there. But it's still scary nonetheless and I'd be treating it as if it was true.
Hopefully you already have - but make sure you've changed the locks since he lived there!
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Aug 20, 2014 11:04:37 GMT -5
And yes, I am keeping everything in case I need it. I will look into a security system. Maybe I can borrow our work cameras and set them up on my fenceline for a night or two. It won't give me a live feed, but I can watch the video later & see if he really shows up. May ask the boss on that one. No additional texts. See ìf the cameras can be mounted out of arms' reach, preferably near the roof looking down.
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The Captain
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Post by The Captain on Aug 20, 2014 11:45:48 GMT -5
I have two dogs, but they both know him, so not much help there. I would guess I can't get a restraining order on that. They wouldn't give me one when he was suicidal & I several times had to call 911 on him. This seems even less dire. Especially since my house backs to a park. So technically anyone can come "sit outside my window" because it is public property. No way he was in the back yard because the gates are locked & either I or the dogs would have heard that.. you need to keep accumulating this evidence. At some point - it is harassment/stalking. Just because incident 1 and 2 did not lead to a restraining order, doesn't mean that more evidence of this won't. Consult a lawyer on this. Figure out at which point a restraining order can be revisited in court, and continue to collect evidence. Texting someone that you are watching their house all night is pretty out there. Whether he was or not. . He is trying to mess with you, one way or another. Don't respond! I would install motion sensor lights outside for piece of mind. He's probably just trying to mess with you but why take chances? That way you will know for certain if someone was around.
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Aug 20, 2014 13:29:51 GMT -5
Ok, I don't know if this is sad or funny. He just texted that "she" (didn't call her his GF) was mad because he had her truck all night crying over me. -rofl-If it is true, I can't help but laugh although part of me feels really sorry for her. A while back (around the time I got full custody) when he got arrested (thanks to me ) he had another girl trying to take care of stuff for him. That was even sadder, but funny because she was trying to scam both me & him & I saw right through her. She kept trying to get me to bail him out. Honey, if I was the one that got him arrested do you think I will put up bail? But, then she didn't need bail money, she had the money, she just didn't want to put down her name or something. I don't remember her excuse. I do remember her saying it wasn't fair for the same person to put up the money & have to sign the bond . I actually offered to put down my name because the bail was really high - like 30,000 or maybe more & I knew there was no way in hell she had the money for a bond. It was too funny because she immediately turned it around that she needed the money too & she could get it, but had some excuse why she shouldn't have to put it up. Then she needed money because he owed her a bunch, I just said good luck with that & laughed & told her she was never getting her money back from him & I sure as hell wasn't covering his debts. Then she was trying to set up with another one of his friends with a truck to pick up all his stuff from my house. I told her that will happen when I hear it from him. Eventually talked to him & he said "hell no, don't give her my stuff". Then she needed his unemployment card because she needed to get his money off the card & bring it to him in jail. According to her "He said you have the card & will give it to me along with the pin number" -rofl-I don't have the card, don't know the pin & no way he told you to ask me for it. In a weird way I miss her. It was both hilarious & sad to see them both trying to use & take advantage of each other. I had never in my life met such a devious, coniving person, she just wasn't that good at it.
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greeniis10
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Post by greeniis10 on Aug 20, 2014 14:06:18 GMT -5
Where the previous times that you had to call 911 due to his suicidal threats while you were still married or while he was still living with you? I only ask because if it was, they are hesitant to grant a restraining order if they think you're going to stay with the guy. Now that you are divorced and living apart you may be able to get a restraining order based on the texts. Just a thought.
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Aug 20, 2014 14:23:58 GMT -5
Where the previous times that you had to call 911 due to his suicidal threats while you were still married or while he was still living with you? I only ask because if it was, they are hesitant to grant a restraining order if they think you're going to stay with the guy. Now that you are divorced and living apart you may be able to get a restraining order based on the texts. Just a thought. We were legally separated & we were not living together. He would just start calling or texting me at 2 AM with stuff like "Goodbye forever" "I am such and such bridge, about to jump" One time he came over really late & wanted stuff out of the garage & then only grabbed a rope & was acting all weird. He "faked" that suicide while on the phone with me while I was on another phone with 911. Not sure if he totally faked, according to him he had the rope around his neck & everything, IDK. They didn't find him that night & I didn't know for 2 days if he was ok, although at that point I assumed he would have been found had he actually killed himself. I don't know if it was just for attention, manipulate me into pitying him & ask him to come back, or if he was truly suicidal. But, I called 911 many times during that period & several times he actually got picked up. He was always mad at me for calling 911 & eventually stopped that game, so maybe it was manipulation & I wasn't playing right. The pity was he was always drunk off his ass, so they would throw him in the drunk tank overnight. He never got admitted to a hospital for any watch for suicidal threats. After the fake suicide I went & told the judge I am afraid & very, very afraid for my kids because he is a drunk & suicidal & I don't know what he might do if he truly decides to end it all. I said I was worried he might pick up the kids from daycare one day & do something really bad. Judge said no restraining order & said it was only an issue of custody. Honestly, part of me still has those concerns, especially if he is sitting outside the house at night. He could also be stalking the kids at school for all I know. His first text this morning actually referred to Robin Williams & ending up like him, but didn't go further than that.
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Aug 20, 2014 14:26:40 GMT -5
This would concern me that he actually was outside of your house last night since he had a vehicle to get himself there. I would contact the local police department and find out what you need to do to add a layer of protection for you and the kids. And I'm serious abuot asking them to add your street to the nighttime patrol. Good point. With transportation it was very possible. Creepy.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 20, 2014 14:30:34 GMT -5
It's interesting how different the courts are in different states. Here they are big on parental rights no matter what, but a restraining order would not be a problem in your situation. They kept pushing them on me when I didn't even really want one.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Aug 20, 2014 14:30:53 GMT -5
I think you mentioned a few posts back that according to your custody agreement he can't pick up the kids from school/daycare?
If that is the case, then you should talk to them about the situation. You don't have to go into the gory details but they should be made aware that your ex has been claiming to stalk the school.
My daycare will not release Gwen to anyone who has not been approved to pick her up and will call the cops if need be.
Same with the schools. The teacher/principal will stay with the child until an approved person picks them up.
I know that creates a bit of extra work for them but better they know so if God forbid your ex did show up at the school they are prepared to deal with it.
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Aug 20, 2014 14:35:11 GMT -5
It's interesting how different the courts are in different states. Here they are big on parental rights no matter what, but a restraining order would not be a problem in your situation. They kept pushing them on me when I didn't even really want one. Yeah, I sat down with a guy from Tessa & everything & he walked me through the paperwork & said it shouldn't be an issue. That was the second time I tried. Got no where the first time either. Unfortunately I think there has to be a true threat or event. I don't particularly want either to happen. I think if I do tell the police though, they will do a few drivebys & I know they will cruise through the park too.
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Aug 20, 2014 14:43:44 GMT -5
I think you mentioned a few posts back that according to your custody agreement he can't pick up the kids from school/daycare? If that is the case, then you should talk to them about the situation. You don't have to go into the gory details but they should be made aware that your ex has been claiming to stalk the school. My daycare will not release Gwen to anyone who has not been approved to pick her up and will call the cops if need be. Same with the schools. The teacher/principal will stay with the child until an approved person picks them up. I know that creates a bit of extra work for them but better they know so if God forbid your ex did show up at the school they are prepared to deal with it. Yeah, they know. I just have less faith in an elementary school keeping good watch. The daycares are all over it & no way he would be allowed to just walk out with them. On the plus side, he doesn't even know where DD goes. The good thing is DS2 gets on a bus after school everyday & they call me if they were supposed to pick him up & can't find him - I was bad & tested this once, I wanted to know that they really did this & checked their list. Honestly that is my only real concern is the time between when he walks out the building & gets on that bus. DS2 & DD have also been talked to quite a bit about telling a teacher & calling mom if Dad shows up. So hopefully that really sinks in. Luckily DS2 is really good at following directions.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Aug 20, 2014 14:47:02 GMT -5
Honestly that is my only real concern is the time between when he walks out the building & gets on that bus.
Would the teacher be willing to walk him to the bus?
I would ask the worst the teacher would tell you is no, but if she said yes it'd give you some extra peace of mind.
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greeniis10
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Post by greeniis10 on Aug 20, 2014 15:01:45 GMT -5
Sheeeesh, what a mess! Thank you for your response to my question. It's crazy how much these crazies have in common! My ex did so many of the same things. Having been through it, I fully believe you are doing everything you possibly can at this time. Stay strong and keep it up! Good job on also knowing the difference between his empty threats and what he is actually capable of, but being prepared for BOTH. That's one of the hardest parts. In the midst of all this, (try to) slow down, take deep breaths and enjoy every single moment of your kids being kids! That is one of my biggest regrets: I was SO overwhelmed with trying to keep us safe, dealing with restraining orders and court dates that I "missed" a lot of my kids' childhoods. I was physically present, but certainly not mentally.
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Aug 20, 2014 16:25:00 GMT -5
Angel, to me it sounds like your ex is using the threats of suicide as a way to manipulate/control you. I don't think someone who is truly suicidal would be as confrontational about it as he is being. And when you're not reacting the way he wants you to, he tries a different tack... I think you are probably right. That is probably why he would get mad when I would just call 911.
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Aug 20, 2014 17:35:50 GMT -5
Aha! Per Nancy's advice I have discovered that the case has a motions hearing in late September. So not dropped, just delayed. Our court systems are so weird. The accident was back in February and it has now been drug out at least 7 months.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Aug 20, 2014 19:14:58 GMT -5
When I taught we all had walkie talkies and I had my cell phone on me. So if a parent started walking toward me or my class I immediately got on the walkie talkie. Because parents were not allowed on school grounds except for the office area after signing in. No way would school have sent parent out to get child. I'd have been notified and sent two kids with the child to be released to parent. Because students always have to be with another student. I was outside in PE department. The doors to school are locked from outside except for one which is right by office. No one gets past that. Students leave as a group, usually with safety patrol, if not an adult, and are escorted to bus.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 20, 2014 19:29:41 GMT -5
Our school is not nearly that strict. You put on a list who can pick up your kids, but I know it never gets checked. Daycare would call me in a minute if ex showed up to get DS, but school...eh. I doubt it.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Aug 20, 2014 20:52:34 GMT -5
They damn well better be that strict. That is serious shit to be screwing around with. I think you'd be surprised. I'd make appt w principal and make them aware of court documents or copies of them and that if someone other than your designated people access your child, you will hold them responsible.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Aug 21, 2014 9:11:12 GMT -5
Our school is not nearly that strict. You put on a list who can pick up your kids, but I know it never gets checked. Daycare would call me in a minute if ex showed up to get DS, but school...eh. I doubt it. For K4 and K5, the kids being picked up are corralled in the cafeteria. Parents line up and when your kid sees you, they get up and go to their "checker" who asks who's picking you up and mark it down. Anyone not picked up by 4pm goes to the office and they start making phone calls. The "checker" is usually a teacher but sometimes was one of the parents. And they have a clipboard with everyone's name on it. Last year my MIL did the vast majority of the pickups so when I did they were really really surprised. Kids taking the bus walk down the hall with a teacher. I'm not sure if he/she walks them to the bus or stops at the glass doors - I never paid attention once they were past me. I have no idea how this is going to work with a K4 kid and a 1st grader.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 21, 2014 9:23:17 GMT -5
Our school is not nearly that strict. You put on a list who can pick up your kids, but I know it never gets checked. Daycare would call me in a minute if ex showed up to get DS, but school...eh. I doubt it. For K4 and K5, the kids being picked up are corralled in the cafeteria. Parents line up and when your kid sees you, they get up and go to their "checker" who asks who's picking you up and mark it down. Anyone not picked up by 4pm goes to the office and they start making phone calls. The "checker" is usually a teacher but sometimes was one of the parents. And they have a clipboard with everyone's name on it. Last year my MIL did the vast majority of the pickups so when I did they were really really surprised. Kids taking the bus walk down the hall with a teacher. I'm not sure if he/she walks them to the bus or stops at the glass doors - I never paid attention once they were past me. I have no idea how this is going to work with a K4 kid and a 1st grader. Our pick up kids are outside all ready to go and there is no sign out. Just teachers making sure they don't run off. They take them all outside at 2:15 and if they aren't picked up by 2:30 they go back inside and are checked into after school care. After school care has a sheet that you have to sign them out on, but there is no sheet saying who can pick them up. Bus kids just go out with the pick up kids and get on the bus. Of course, it's a small school (about 250 Kids from preschool through 8th grade), so I know everyone and they know me and I imagine it's the same with most parents.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Aug 21, 2014 9:27:57 GMT -5
Ours is around 650 kids from K4 to 5th grade. And it's not like this is a small town either.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Aug 21, 2014 9:50:21 GMT -5
Aha! Per Nancy's advice I have discovered that the case has a motions hearing in late September. So not dropped, just delayed. Our court systems are so weird. The accident was back in February and it has now been drug out at least 7 months. A lot of the process has to do with what judges and how many judges are available at any given time, what courts have trials scheduled, etc. I'm sorry it's a motions hearing, because that means there's more to go after that. It means he cannot get the heck outta the area until then, or risk a warrant. So all his threats to hop a bus are pretty much empty threats, unless he truly means to skip out on the court date. Will the police go get him on that kind of warrant? Not likely, unless there is bail posted, and the bail bondsman wants the money back. But as I posted earlier, with a warrant over his head, he's toast. He cannot work, get a driver's license, get stopped driving for any reason, or do anything that would risk a background check. So if he gets tossed out on his keester as a result of the eviction, he won't be able to rent anything under his own name (the eviction history alone can prevent that, along with the rest of his arrest history). He'll have to find someplace to stay. As long as it isn't anywhere near you.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 21, 2014 9:56:02 GMT -5
Soooo....he can still go to TX. He'll just not be able to come back if he does?
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