NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Aug 12, 2014 12:58:04 GMT -5
He only communicates through email now. A while back he got really drunk one night & around midnight sent me dozens of texts, which I ignored. Then he started calling & when I finally answered he started yelling & throwing a damn fit. He had a modem that I needed to come pick up RIGHT NOW or he was going to smash it. I told him I didn't give a crap & wasn't going to wake up 3 kids to drive across town for something that I didn't need. Also told him when he acts like that it scares me because I don't know what he will do next. I seriously was up for the next 3 hours just pacing & checking on the kids because I was paranoid he might show up. So he has never texted or called since because he doesn't want to "scare me". Then made a big to do about how silly I am being & how could a guy with a hurt leg scare me. Also kept saying he wasn't yelling, I was just misunderstanding what he was saying. But, whatever. It has made my life easier that he doesn't call or text. Probably was smart enough to realize that if he kept it up I might have been able to go after him for harrassment and actually get a restraining order. And his behavior in this instance proves my point. Angel, keep track of dates, times and as much as you can, what he says and says he will do. And let's hope he leaves town instead of showing up for courts. The warrant will keep him away, though unfortunately, it won't stop the emails (you could always tell him that you will let the police know his whereabouts if he continues to contact you).
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 12, 2014 13:00:26 GMT -5
Was he awarded any time to see the kids at all?
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Aug 12, 2014 13:17:25 GMT -5
Nancy - I think the real argument is which will he regret MORE - going to the wedding or not going? Or maybe it's continuing contact vs stopping contact. Either way, it's not an easy or painless decision to make. True. I was looking at it from the health perspective...how much stress can he handle, is it worth it, will it do him more harm than good, etc. If the DD was at least willing to make an effort at honest contact and communication, rather than seeing him as a piggy bank, I'd be saying go for it 100%. But no amount of money, it seems, will buy the heart of this princess. I'd hate to see him make himself sicker hoping and waiting for her to realize that family means more than money. True.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Aug 12, 2014 13:18:26 GMT -5
So are they going to be able to come up with $35k+ for the wedding they are planning or is DF going to end up paying for it, or are they going to have to downgrade? Good questions. DF thinks they will invite fewer guests or pay for the rest. He SAYS he will not pay anymore than he has said he would. But I don't believe him. I don't believe him either and I've got no skin in the game.
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Aug 12, 2014 13:27:14 GMT -5
Was he awarded any time to see the kids at all? No, he has zero custody right now. He only sees them out of the goodness of my heart and I only will do supervised visits, which he complains about. He barely ever even asks to see them though. I just looked it up, the last time they saw him was July 19th for about an hour. He saw them on July 10th for about 3 minutes when I dropped off a letter he needed. Before that was Jun 28th for maybe 2 hours. Before that was sometime in mid-May. He has gotten to see them everytime he asks. Which makes it all the more annoying when I hear about how I am keeping his kids from him. I just reread the email & realized he asked for pictures of "you and the kids" & then talks about some picture of me that he loves I had just skimmed it the first time & didn't catch that.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 12, 2014 13:39:14 GMT -5
Then made a big to do about how silly I am being & how could a guy with a hurt leg scare me. Also kept saying he wasn't yelling, I was just misunderstanding what he was saying. Classic manipulative behavior.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Aug 12, 2014 14:01:56 GMT -5
Was he awarded any time to see the kids at all? No, he has zero custody right now. He only sees them out of the goodness of my heart and I only will do supervised visits, which he complains about. He barely ever even asks to see them though. I just looked it up, the last time they saw him was July 19th for about an hour. He saw them on July 10th for about 3 minutes when I dropped off a letter he needed. Before that was Jun 28th for maybe 2 hours. Before that was sometime in mid-May. He has gotten to see them everytime he asks. Which makes it all the more annoying when I hear about how I am keeping his kids from him. I just reread the email & realized he asked for pictures of "you and the kids" & then talks about some picture of me that he loves I had just skimmed it the first time & didn't catch that. OK, going back to my first response, in that case. No. Hell. No. He's playing your heartstrings like a honkytonk guitar and hoping you'll fall for the tune. Send the photos, if you think Swamp has a point, but delete yourself from them - and make sure he can see the edit. His request is creepy and stalkerish to me.
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finnime
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Post by finnime on Aug 12, 2014 14:07:57 GMT -5
I understand the urge to fight back, but they're his kids too, even if he's useless. If he asks for a picture, text him one with no comment. The judge doesn't like game playing. She needs to respond rationally to inquiries about the kids and let the rest go. she gets brownie points for keeping the focus on the kids. He looks like the nut case he has become.
Always take the high road if you're going to find yourself in court.
What Swamp said. I divorced a man with extreme issues, too. Email became our only form of communication; the judge really like the use of email, as he understood phones and other interactive media would only be a problem. With email, reply only to questions regarding the children, and relay only information about the children. Tell him by email evert two weeks when and where he can see the children, if he replies by the next day. If he doesn't reply, don't worry. If he does but says that won't work for him because he (is on a bender; is due in court; is out of the country) just reply with the next date and time convenient for you. Ignore every other thing in his email. Reply always with short, declarative sentences. When my XH got unhinged and spewed hate in his email, I ignored anything that didn't require a direct answer. If I had already sent an answer, I copied and pasted with a note that this information was sent date and time. It took a while, maybe a year. But I'm relatively sane now and my children are good. That's everything. Good luck.
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Aug 12, 2014 14:09:46 GMT -5
And his behavior in this instance proves my point. Yeah, he has pretty much gone nuts. I really do think he is bi-polar & I read that it often first appears in late 20's/early 30's for men. He wasn't nearly this bad even just 2 years ago. So whatever is wrong with him is clearly escalating. When he first started having problems he was still rational 98% of the time. I don't know if it is that he is bi-polar & it is getting worse or the more recent drugs have rotted his brain, but the stuff he says now is just crazy & completely irrational much of the time. He has literally stopped taking any responsibility for anything. Even the stuff in our past that he use to admit that he screwed up has somehow been warped in his brain and now basically nothing he has ever done is his fault in his opinion. It is astounding the stuff he now blames on me (or others). He seriously tried to convince me that the drug use wasn't a big deal "because you can't buy it anymore & therefore he can't use anymore". First, I don't actually believe that. Second, telling me that you don't use drugs due to availability issues isn't a good argument in why I should be ok with past drug use. That basically tells me you will use again when you can.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Aug 12, 2014 14:09:55 GMT -5
I had a coworker who sent pictures of the kids to the ex every week. She did it because she wanted to, but it certainly helped her court case when the ex went crazy and tried to say she was withholding the kids. She had over a year of email communication with zero response from him.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Aug 12, 2014 14:44:13 GMT -5
And his behavior in this instance proves my point. Yeah, he has pretty much gone nuts. I really do think he is bi-polar & I read that it often first appears in late 20's/early 30's for men. He wasn't nearly this bad even just 2 years ago. So whatever is wrong with him is clearly escalating. When he first started having problems he was still rational 98% of the time. I don't know if it is that he is bi-polar & it is getting worse or the more recent drugs have rotted his brain, but the stuff he says now is just crazy & completely irrational much of the time. He has literally stopped taking any responsibility for anything. Even the stuff in our past that he use to admit that he screwed up has somehow been warped in his brain and now basically nothing he has ever done is his fault in his opinion. It is astounding the stuff he now blames on me (or others). He seriously tried to convince me that the drug use wasn't a big deal "because you can't buy it anymore & therefore he can't use anymore". First, I don't actually believe that. Second, telling me that you don't use drugs due to availability issues isn't a good argument in why I should be ok with past drug use. That basically tells me you will use again when you can. He blames because he can. He blames because if it's not his fault, he cannot be held responsible, and therefore, the whole world has to put up with his crap. Case in point: He seriously tried to convince me that the drug use wasn't a big deal "because you can't buy it anymore & therefore he can't use anymore"What makes him think that just because he cannot buy it, doesn't mean it isn't still around? It may be a controlled substance, or a prescription-only med, or just not sold by the junkies in his part of town, but it's out there. If it's a street drug that makes money, it's out there. And chances are he's using something else in its place at this point. He'll say it's only recreational, or he only does it when he's tired/stressed/upset, or that it's your fault he uses because you sucked as a wife. I'll grant you that at this point, there may be a physical component here; the drugs may well have addled his noodle. Not your problem. He went down that path on his own. He's homeless, in pain, facing a court date and possible jail? Not your problem. Your job is to live your life and take care of your kids. He misses you and the kids NOW? Not your problem. He had his chance when you said "I do." He chose "I don't."
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Post by Deleted on Aug 12, 2014 14:49:17 GMT -5
He can't legally buy what he was using anymore, but there's still plenty out there to go around, it's been illegal here for a couple years but that just means you can't buy it at the corner store.
And it doesn't matter even if he couldn't, he's still an active addict and he'll replace with something else.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Aug 12, 2014 14:54:15 GMT -5
Was it spice? That stuff is seriously dangerous, especially since it was marketed as a legal "safer" alternative to marijuana. I'd take a weed user any day.
One of DH's cousins started smoking it because it didn't show up on a drug test like marijuana... he had some sort of psychological break (his mom found him riding the lawnmower around in a circle for hours, practically catatonic). It's been at least a year and he's still not right. I don't know what's in it, but it's not good.
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Aug 12, 2014 15:03:10 GMT -5
Yeah, it was spice. Maybe it did just break his brain because he is seriously not the same person he was 2 years ago, not even close. He has been hospitalized with some sort of seizure reaction twice now, although I think it has happened on additional occassions when he was alone. That shit is scary.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Aug 12, 2014 15:12:09 GMT -5
What the heck is spice?
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Post by Deleted on Aug 12, 2014 15:15:10 GMT -5
Spice/K2. This is what my ex was using as an alternative soon after we got married because he thought it would be better than risking something illegal once he had a family. Well, it seriously messed him up. He would just do bizarre crazy things. It even scared him and 6 months later he quit, but it was really hard. It's addictive, not like weed. I know he has other things going on with the bipolar, and it was a couple years, but I wonder how much using that stuff contributed to his break too.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 12, 2014 15:15:38 GMT -5
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Aug 12, 2014 15:15:51 GMT -5
Synthetic Marijuana, also known as K2
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Aug 12, 2014 15:17:56 GMT -5
Well, I'm clueless. But I also didnt know sudafed was used to make meth.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 12, 2014 15:23:04 GMT -5
You used to just be able to buy it at the gas stations around here. Everyone thought it was great because "hey, it doesn't show up on drug tests and it's not illegal!" It's basically some herbs sprayed with a lot of toxic chemicals. When they first made it illegal, the makers would just change up what they sprayed it with a little and it was "legal" again. I don't know how they finally got around it where they've been keeping it off the shelves, but I think you can still order it online easy enough and for sure get it on the streets.
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Aug 12, 2014 15:30:18 GMT -5
I remember the first time I really saw him messed up on it, it was about a year ago. I was out shopping with the kids & he called me to ask for a ride because a labor/temp job called for him. So I get there like 20 minutes later & he is sitting in the garage doing nothing. He looks really confused & asks why I am there. I tell him that I was there to give him a ride to his job. He looks even more confused & says, "how did you know about the job". So after a few minutes of this bizarre conversation I tell him to go get ready & I will wait with the kids in the car. Sit in the car for a while & finally wonder what is taking so long. He is standing in the kitchen not moving, just staring into space. Has done nothing to get ready since he walked in. I say something about getting ready & he says "oh, is that what I am supposed to be doing, ok" This went on for a while longer. Each time he literally would forget what was happening within about a minute of us talking. I finally gave up and left with the kids. Screw dealing with that shit.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Aug 12, 2014 15:35:05 GMT -5
Thank god you and the kids are away from this.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Aug 12, 2014 15:36:00 GMT -5
From www.drugfree.org/drug-guide/k2-spice/K2 – Spice What are the street names/slang terms? The most common names for synthetic marijuana are K2 and Spice, but it is also sold as Bliss, Black Mamba, Bombay Blue, Blaze, Genie, Spice, Zohai, JWH -018, -073, -250, Yucatan Fire, Skunk and Moon Rocks. What is synthetic marijuana? K2 or Spice is a mixture of herbs, spices or shredded plant material that is typically sprayed with a synthetic compound chemically similar to THC, the psychoactive ingredient in marijuana. What does it look like? K2 is typically sold in small, silvery plastic bags of dried leaves and marketed as incense that can be smoked. It is said to resemble potpourri. How is it used? K2 products are usually smoked in joints or pipes, but some users make it into a tea. What are its short term effects? Short term effects include loss of control, lack of pain response, increased agitation, pale skin, seizures, vomiting, profuse sweating, uncontrolled / spastic body movements, elevated blood pressure, heart rate and palpitations. The onset of this drug is 3-5 minutes, and the duration of the high is 1-8 hours. In addition to physical signs of use, users may experience: dysphoria, severe paranoia, delusions, hallucinations and increased agitation. What are its long term effects? Unknown What is its federal classification? On March 1, 2011, DEA published a final order in the Federal Register temporarily placing five synthetic cannabinoids into Schedule I of the CSA. As a result of this order, the full effect of the CSA and its implementing regulations including criminal, civil and administrative penalties, sanctions, and regulatory controls of Schedule I substances will be imposed on the manufacture, distribution, possession, importation and exportation of these synthetic cannabinoids.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Aug 12, 2014 15:41:43 GMT -5
I was wondering if it could be another street drug known as "bath salts": (from WebMD) -
"Ivory Wave," "Purple Wave," Vanilla Sky," and "Bliss" are among the many street names of so-called designer drugs known as “bath salts,” which have sparked thousands of calls to poison centers across the U.S. These drugs contain synthetic chemicals that are similar to amphetamines. Some, but not all, of the chemicals used to make them are illegal.
What Are Bath Salts?
"Is this what we put in our bathtubs, like Epsom salts? No," says Zane Horowitz, MD, an ER doctor and medical director of the Oregon Poison Center. These drugs have nothing to do with real bath salts -- or "jewelry cleaner," or "plant food," or "phone screen cleaner," which they're also sometimes called, according to the National Institute on Drug Abuse. Exactly which chemicals are in the drugs isn't known. "The presumption is that most ‘bath salts’ are MDPV, or methylenedioxypyrovalerone, although newer... derivatives are being made by illegal street chemists," Horowitz says. "Nobody really knows, because there has been no way to test for these substances. However, that is changing, and some tests for certain of these chemicals have been developed."
What Do People Experience When They Take Bath Salts?
The effects can include agitation, paranoia, hallucinations, chest pain, increased pulse, high blood pressure, and suicidal thinking/behavior, Horowitz says. Suicidal thinking/behavior may last "even after the stimulatory effects of the drugs have worn off," Horowitz says. "At least for MDPV, there have been a few highly publicized suicides a few days after their use."
Are Bath Salts Illegal?
In July 2012, the Synthetic Drug Abuse Prevention Act made it illegal to possess, use, or distribute many of the chemicals used to make bath salts, including Mephedrone and MDPV. Methylone, another such chemical, remains under a DEA regulatory ban. In all, the law covers 26 chemicals, all of them ingredients in synthetic drugs.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Aug 12, 2014 15:43:21 GMT -5
I knew there was a reason I hated baths.
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Aug 12, 2014 16:04:38 GMT -5
Thank god you and the kids are away from this. Yeah, spice is the reason I finally completely ended our relationship. With the alcohol & other problems it always felt like we might be able to work through it. This stuff was just terrifying though. Spice is why when I say we will never get back together, I truly mean never. This stuff is too scary & even if he isn't using now (I honestly don't know if he is or not), I have no faith that he will ever stay clean. And I truly believe even just relapsing once something really, really bad might happen. The time he OD'ed at the lake he tried to attack his friend that had been smoking with him. Supposedly he had been clean for months when this happened. He remembers none of it. If he is in my house, what is to stop him from going after me or the kids in some delusional, paranoid rage? I just no longer trust him whatsoever. Now that I think back, his personality change & problems really did crop up around the same time he started smoking. Maybe it really was the spice that completely ruined him.
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Aug 12, 2014 16:08:22 GMT -5
I was wondering if it could be another street drug known as "bath salts": (from WebMD) -
Maybe. I know he was using spice, you could seriously just buy it over-the-counter back then. But, that doesn't mean he wasn't using other drugs also.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Aug 12, 2014 16:16:18 GMT -5
I was wondering if it could be another street drug known as "bath salts": (from WebMD) -
Maybe. I know he was using spice, you could seriously just buy it over-the-counter back then. But, that doesn't mean he wasn't using other drugs also. Judging from your description of his behavior, I think it's the spice that did it. And because the long-term effects are not well-known, his behavior could stay screwed up, even if he never uses again. Stay away. Stay far away. And keep the kids away. I have no issues with a parent who does whatever it takes to protect their children in a case like this. I'm not the meany many people think I am. On the contrary, I am all for fairness and equality when it comes to parental facetime, co-parenting, shared custody, etc. in the event of divorce. But when one parental unit goes down the yellow brick addiction road, all bets are off.
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The Captain
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Post by The Captain on Aug 12, 2014 16:20:06 GMT -5
I am learning way more about the shit that's out there (and presumably available to my kid) then I care to.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Aug 12, 2014 16:24:14 GMT -5
I am learning way more about the shit that's out there (and presumably available to my kid) then I care to. You and me both. A number of years ago, a prospective employer handed me an application which listed, among other things, illegal substances and asked if I had ever used any of them. I had no clue what some of them were. There was one called Special K. I wondered why he was asking me about my use of breakfast cereal.
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