Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 6, 2014 19:08:01 GMT -5
Do you feel sorry for people that don't have kids?
Do you think they are missing out on something?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 6, 2014 19:11:20 GMT -5
I'm one of them and don't feel sorry for myself. I'm sure I'm missing lots of things. I'm good with that.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 6, 2014 19:14:18 GMT -5
Are you kidding? Days like today I envy them!
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Jul 6, 2014 19:15:51 GMT -5
My son and DIL told me before they got married that they didn't plan on having any children. After 20 yrs I doubt that is going to change. I don't feel sorry for anyone who doesn't have children. Geeze, just go thru some of the post on this board and it might make you never want children I'm an only child of an only child and I have an only child who has no children - runs in the family ETA: only referenced only children because we get the pitiful look poor you thing also. I had no intention of having more than one. He's my heart but I knew when to quit
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Jul 6, 2014 19:17:06 GMT -5
Yes I find the homes of my childless friends very quiet and depressing.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 6, 2014 19:19:11 GMT -5
I am child-free and never wanted children. Sometimes people act like they feel sorry for me. This weekend someone told me I would have been a good mother. I said "no I wouldn't have." Duh!
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Post by Deleted on Jul 6, 2014 19:21:40 GMT -5
Yes I find the homes of my childless friends very quiet and depressing. Oh, how I long for some quiet.... In all seriousness, I love my kids to death, and would never intentionally leave them locked in a hot car for 7 hours, but I could see being content and fulfilled as a child-free person too. I mean, had they never been born...I wouldn't want them gone now. Well...maybe for the afternoon...or a weekend.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Jul 6, 2014 19:21:58 GMT -5
I just cannot imagine the Quiet.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 6, 2014 19:22:10 GMT -5
I would only feel sorry for them if they felt sad about not having children.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Jul 6, 2014 19:22:33 GMT -5
And I don't Want too imagine it.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Jul 6, 2014 19:23:16 GMT -5
It seems very lonely.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 6, 2014 19:24:23 GMT -5
I just cannot imagine the Quiet. I can. It's heavenly. I love peace and solitude. It's why I live far from people!
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flamingo
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Post by flamingo on Jul 6, 2014 19:24:45 GMT -5
My DH and I are child-free. We don't even do well with pets, so I'm sure it's better for everyone that we remain childless. All kidding aside, I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything. We travel and lead full lives without adding children in the mix. We are happy and leading the lives we want to lead. I often get asked "Don't you feel bad for not giving your parents grandkids?" Nope, I don't. My brother is child-free as well. My parents don't seem to mind. The conversations I've had with them about it, they are on our "side" and fully support our decisions. I love my cousins children-that's enough for me!
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msventoux
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Post by msventoux on Jul 6, 2014 19:28:00 GMT -5
I'm one of them and don't feel sorry for myself. I'm sure I'm missing lots of things. I'm good with that. As someone with no kids I don't have a problem with whatever people choose that works best for them. But the evil part of me can't help but get a little bit of satisfaction from the current state of those few acquaintances who were the most militant about how I was ruining my life and you couldn't be a fulfilled, happy person without kids. Several of them are now trying to navigate the teen years and beyond and are dealing with issues ranging from normal teenage rebellion to teenage pregnancies, drugs, dropouts, etc. They're absolutely run ragged and some of their relationships haven't survived. I don't wish that on anyone, but I suspect they're not feeling quite so smug and fulfilled now. The flip side is there are a lot of friends and acquaintances who seem to be doing just fine and have the stereotypical happy, all-American family and are coping with whatever issues come up. I'm happy for them.
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morrisr2d2
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Post by morrisr2d2 on Jul 6, 2014 19:28:19 GMT -5
Hope you overcome your feeling sorry for us, cause I sure don't feel sorry for myself and I sure don't care what others think. I love playing the doting uncle!
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Jul 6, 2014 19:28:48 GMT -5
To each his own. But my kids and Dh are my life.
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dannylion
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Post by dannylion on Jul 6, 2014 19:30:53 GMT -5
I, too, am fine with being child-free. I never understood the thought patterns of children, even when I was a child. I do not think I would have been a good parent. Children baffle me. I see the enormous amount of hard work and emotional investment that my friends and relatives put into raising children, and I admire what they accomplished, but I am reasonably certain that I would have made a mess of the process, so it is just as well that I never had any children.
For those who cannot imagine life without children, good for you. People like me admire you from a distance and root for your success, but we are not like you. And I think that is probably all right.
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Artemis Windsong
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Post by Artemis Windsong on Jul 6, 2014 19:35:16 GMT -5
I have seen the ache of people who want children and cannot have them. The yearning of their parents who are desperate for grandchildren.
People who have made the decision of no children are fine with me and probably lead fulfilling lives as has been stated.
There are far too many parents who should not be parents.
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Nazgul Girl
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Post by Nazgul Girl on Jul 6, 2014 19:36:09 GMT -5
I think that if people are happy being childfree, then I'm pleased for them. If they're trying to conceive, and have not had success, then I feel kind of sorry for them. My DD is 34 and may never get married, but desperately wants a child. She's a devout Catholic and only wants a child within wedlock. We've discussed scenarios in her life with a husband and child/children, having a child out of wedlock, and never being able to, or not having, children.
I've told her that I support her with whatever she decides, but she's got to be able to support her child if she chooses to have one alone. She agrees.
I do want grandchildren, but only if it's right for her. I've accepted that I'm happy with her single and childless, and happy for her married, with or without children.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Jul 6, 2014 19:40:52 GMT -5
I do think you have to meet life where its at. If it is in your cards , fine. If not then fine. You make a good life either way.
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vonna
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Post by vonna on Jul 6, 2014 19:40:58 GMT -5
I have kids that I love dearly! But I believe my life would be happy and fulfilling even if I had taken the childless route.
I don't define myself by my motherhood, but I, so far, am thoroughly enjoying it.
So - no, I do not feel sorry for people who choose to not have children.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Jul 6, 2014 19:42:35 GMT -5
However I do not think that child free people need to make disparaging comments about children either.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 6, 2014 19:47:32 GMT -5
My wife and I have been talking a lot about this lately... Try again for a kid, adopt or decide to remain child free. We are the type that would have a fulfilled life with or without children because we have many interests, things we like to do, travel, form of entertainment. But we also are not sure we want to close the door on parenthood for good. My wife always saw herself as a mom and she is just not ready to say goodbye to that, we have a baby room for crying out loud. I think there is a difference: - for those that wanted kids and couldn't conceive them: my heart aches for them because we went/are going through that. - for those that were certain they did not want kids: I applaud and admire them. Something about that certainty is respectful because we are trying to decide if we want kids because "we" want them or is it cultural, family or social expectations... I believe whichever road we go down we will be ok, heck we will be great. And please don't feel sorry for us... We will be doing it in style with or without kids
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 6, 2014 19:50:11 GMT -5
I feel sorry for those who want them and don't get them. I had one because the pill didnt work with antibiotics. I had the other because I didn't want to have one child. Totally selfish reasons. Both my kids aren't into having kids. I'm okay with that because not all investments pay dividends. The problem is also that idiots breed like rabbits so the ones that should have kids don't and those that shouldn't do, and have a lot of them. Soon there will be more takers than those to take from. I'm glad ill be dead by then. Btw, even those of us with kids judge shitty parents so childless or not, we are still judging you!
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Post by Deleted on Jul 6, 2014 19:50:24 GMT -5
To each his own. But my kids and Dh are my life. See that makes me feel sorry for you. I have a life all of my own. Right now a big part of it intersects with my foster daughters, but I have a life of my own too.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Jul 6, 2014 19:52:24 GMT -5
Sometimes thr biological clock doesn't start screaming till its later than u think. And what u want today isn't necessarily what u will want 5 yrs from now.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Jul 6, 2014 19:54:19 GMT -5
To each his own. But my kids and Dh are my life. See that makes me feel sorry for you. I have a life all of my own. Right now a big part of it intersects with my foster daughters, but I have a life of my own too. [br Feel "sorry" all u want. Dont care. I have many accomplishments in life apart from DH and my kids but in the end nothing is more important than them
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Post by ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ on Jul 6, 2014 20:19:39 GMT -5
Yes I find the homes of my childless friends very quiet and depressing. Why? I am childless, and our home was never quiet OR depressing.Translation: You just cannot imagine the Non-Chaos and lack of NoiseFar from lonely - we had our careers/work, tons family/extended family, tons of friends we socialized or traveled with and could do things at the drop of a hat if the mood struck us - like take vacations to nice places where you didn't have to make sure they were "kid-friendly "- or dining out at fine restaurants on weekends with nice china & silver instead of styro-boxes and kids' menus.
I also have 9 nieces/nephews + now great nieces/nephews - our friends had kids. Always had kids around at one time or another, so it's not like we we were isolated from them 24/7 - we just didn't have to deal with them on a daily basis. I/we knew from the get-go we wanted our careers, a nice home and travel - it was a mutual decision between us very early into the marriage. My biological clock didn't scream at me once - not even as much as a whimper.
Every couple makes their own choices, and I can live with theirs to have children, but many had a hard time understanding why we didn't have any. We were always being asked when we're going to start a family, or why don't we have any kids. I found the questioning back then very intrusive - especially when asked by casual acquaintances or someone I'd just met. I sure wouldn't ask someone I didn't know well why on earth they have kids - it's no different.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Jul 6, 2014 20:21:32 GMT -5
Why do u assume people with kids care if you have kids? We don't.
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Jul 6, 2014 20:23:28 GMT -5
I feel sorry for the people that want kids, but it never worked out for them. I do feel child-free people are missing out on something. That said, DH and I are also missing out right now since we do have kids. It's a big trade-off either way. I never realized how great kids were until I had a couple of my own. I was the youngest in my family and also the youngest grandchild on both sides, so I was never used to kids. I thought I didn't have any maternal instinct, as baby-sitting was torturous for me the few times I was urged to watch my older sister's girls. Then, I got a little dog, and felt that maybe I had some maternal instinct after all. Then, after I finally had kids and was amazed how much more rewarding they were than pets. They are amazing little people, and smarter at a few months than my dog ever was. This probably sounds dumb, but their ability to grow and learn so much (especially when they're still tiny babies) seems like a sort of super-power to me. Plus, they make Christmas so much more fun.
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