taz157
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Post by taz157 on Jul 6, 2014 22:01:31 GMT -5
My ILs had 4 kids (my DH is the youngest) and she loves the quite now!
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ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ
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Post by ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ on Jul 6, 2014 22:04:08 GMT -5
The choices you made to have kids are yours, Shooby - others made choices in the other direction (or had NO choice, as far as those who were UNABLE) - and yes, you are being the most judgmental person on this thread.
You've basically said that any family without children is a depressing, lonely, and empty existence. Some people enjoy their freedom - others have no choice if they have problems conceiving/adoption isn't an option.
You also said that the biological clock "kicks in" at some point. No, not for everyone.
You've basically said (without actually saying the words) that it's "abnormal" not to want/have kids. That it's our "duty" to have them and there must be something wrong with us if we choose not to.
You made your choice, and are happy with it - I made mine. Can't you just accept that, instead of putting down those whose choices in life aren't the same as yours?
I hope you don't express these feelings out loud to any real-life friends/co-workers who are childless (for whatever reason).
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 6, 2014 22:04:26 GMT -5
I don't care if somebody chooses to be childless. It is none of my business. I am not living their lives. Everybody has a reason for wanting or not wanting kids.
I, personally, love being a mom. I cannot imagine my life without my son. I would like to have more kids but don't think it will happen (not under the circumstances i would want). I also loved my life without a kid but i would have regretted not having a kid if i didn't have him.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 6, 2014 22:06:05 GMT -5
Your kids and DH aren't your accomplishments. And the phrase "nothing is more important than them" is really quite meaningless. People that have made really important contributions to society are not remembered for how many children they had. Accomplishments pale in comparison to your family. Tell that to the people that got saved because a doctor is a fantastic surgeon or someone found a cure to cancer or all those childless young men that died defeating invading forces in any major world war.
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tallguy
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Post by tallguy on Jul 6, 2014 22:07:05 GMT -5
You HAVE read her before, right?
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quince
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Post by quince on Jul 6, 2014 22:10:03 GMT -5
I have a husband and a kid and they are NOT my life. They are a wonderful part of my life, but there are other lovely parts of my life. I do not envy or pity child-free people. I also think there is a difference between childless and child-free. Childless: Wants kids, hasn't had them yet. Child-free: Reasoned out decision not to have kids, successful birth control! Yay!
I am looking forward to when my son is ready for a weekend (or a week...) at grandma's house, so I can be temporarily child-free again, with my husband's company. Before that happens, if I feel like it, I can always leave my son with my husband and spend a week on a solo-vacation.
Oooh....a full night's sleep...this bears consideration.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 6, 2014 22:10:28 GMT -5
"Accomplishments pale in comparison to your family."
So basically a person's biggest accomplishment is mating and breeding? Animals do that too you know. Honestly, the above sentence sounds like somebody who was not able to accomplish anything other than mating and breeding would say.
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Peace Of Mind
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Jul 6, 2014 22:11:07 GMT -5
Yes I find the homes of my childless friends very quiet and depressing. <snort> Then be sure and stay the heck out of my home. It's peaceful and cheerful, as far as I'm concerned. If you are finding the lifestyle choices of other people to be "depressing," perhaps some counseling or therapy might be helpful to you? So ! Whenever I had friends over that have never been here before they'd say "It's so peaceful here! How come?" After biting my tongue (I've been to their house ) I'd say "It must be a more quiet neighborhood here". I've accomplished lots of mating! Yay me!!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 6, 2014 22:15:31 GMT -5
My BIL and his wife have put up with a lot of "when are you going to have kids?" questions over the years, but they always knew they didn't want any and now they're darn near 50, been married 25 years and still happy as can be with their decision. They're both professionals that make a lot of money and they have so much freedom. They have a couple vacation homes, travel all the time, and still act like newlyweds, they're so into each other it's sickening. Plus, she still has the body of a woman in her 20's.
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swasat
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Post by swasat on Jul 6, 2014 22:16:33 GMT -5
Your kids and DH aren't your accomplishments. And the phrase "nothing is more important than them" is really quite meaningless. People that have made really important contributions to society are not remembered for how many children they had. Accomplishments pale in comparison to your family. Fiddle dee dee !!! ONLY if your ENTIRE being is defined by your family. Which is not the case for many people. I have kids, but I tell ya how happy I was even before I had them!! I had a great career, a great BF and a very fun life. Now I have two kids and they are accomplishments too, just different from my other accomplishments in life.
You can have multiple accomplishments in your life, both in your family and your life outside of the family. The two are not mutually exclusive. Kids do not complete everyone, and they don't have to.
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ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ
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Post by ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ on Jul 6, 2014 22:18:26 GMT -5
Accomplishments pale in comparison to your family. Bullshit - that's your opinion.
Everyone makes their own choices in life - and some major accomplishments have been made in society - by people who either have or do not have kids - that's totally irrelevant to the topic..
And it's not even a point worth debating here - you just dragged that in to divert direction of the discussion - because many are finding your comments on the topic so ridiculous.
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swasat
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Post by swasat on Jul 6, 2014 22:19:44 GMT -5
And now we wait for her to play the victim and come out with accusations of "ganging up on her".........
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Jul 6, 2014 22:22:09 GMT -5
<snort> Then be sure and stay the heck out of my home. It's peaceful and cheerful, as far as I'm concerned. If you are finding the lifestyle choices of other people to be "depressing," perhaps some counseling or therapy might be helpful to you? So ! Whenever I had friends over that have never been here before they'd say "It's so peaceful here! How come?" After biting my tongue (I've been to their house ) I'd say "It must be a more quiet neighborhood here". I've accomplished lots of mating! Yay me!! The U.S. military in Florida thanks you for your service.
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movingforward
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Post by movingforward on Jul 6, 2014 22:25:57 GMT -5
I am 41 and no biological clock ticking. I have no desire to have children. If someone else thinks that isn't normal then screw them.
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movingforward
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Post by movingforward on Jul 6, 2014 22:31:24 GMT -5
I don't feel sorry for anyone who makes the choice that is right for them. I do; however, feel sorry for judgemental people who think their opinion should be everyone's opinion.
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cronewitch
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Post by cronewitch on Jul 6, 2014 22:35:44 GMT -5
I am barren and feel it was a major loss not having children. Being child free isn't the same as being childless since the first sounds like a choice.
I missed out on ever having a baby to watch grow or toddlers to watch develop and children as well as teens and young adults. Now I am missing out on having grandchildren and perhaps great grand children so there are many descendants I missed out on having.
My older brother got about 10 kids and now has 21 grand kids I can think of, some of his are adopted or step kids and adopted or step grand kids but he had so many people.
My little brother has 2 kids and 2 grand kids. His wife wanted more but his vasectomy prevented it so they were limited.
Their oldest grand sons are 22 and 18 now so soon maybe another generation if we can talk them into having children. The 22 yo is saying no, one 18 yo is going away on a mission the other 18 yo is carrying a genetic issue and scared to have kids, heading for college so it might be a while to get another generation.
I really wish I would have had children when I was young but now at 66 I am too old to want them. I will settle for being an aunt and great aunt and fifth wheel in my brother's families.
At least I saved a lot of money not raising children and didn't have to deal with problems parents have like my older brother lost 3 children in a fire and one special needs kid was unable to live at home so he had a lot of heart break with those 4.
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Peace Of Mind
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Jul 6, 2014 22:45:09 GMT -5
So ! Whenever I had friends over that have never been here before they'd say "It's so peaceful here! How come?" After biting my tongue (I've been to their house ) I'd say "It must be a more quiet neighborhood here". I've accomplished lots of mating! Yay me!! The U.S. military in Florida thanks you for your service. LOL! You do what you have to do for your country. I'm like McDonald's! I really should have a lit sign saying "Served 1,000,000,000".
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 6, 2014 22:46:17 GMT -5
My ILs had 4 kids (my DH is the youngest) and she loves the quite now! I have 2 kids and now that I live alone, yes, a nice quiet house is lovely! I never lived alone until both my kids were adults, and its still a wonderful novelty to me. I don't feel sorry for people that choose not to have children. I don't think its selfish or any other negative thing. I think it's honest and I respect honesty. I do feel sad for people that really want children and would probably be good parents, but things didn't work out for them.
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ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ
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Post by ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ on Jul 6, 2014 22:59:06 GMT -5
Sorry you couldn't have them since you wanted them - but I don't understand why you (or anyone else) would feel they should "talk them into having children".
As you stated, the 22 y/o is saying no, and the 18 year old is going away on mission (also too young to decide on his/her own at this point).
It's not up to you to "talk them into it" - it's their choice if they do or do not decide to have kids. The one with genetic issues also has a strong right to make their own decision whether to take the risk - or not - not you.
This is the problem I have with Shooby's posts - she made her choice and feels it should be everyone's natural instinct - and then putting them down if their decision to have or not have kids differs from hers.
Is it up to you to decide if your grandkids have babies or not?
I don't see a positive result from trying to coerce/"talk someone into it" - it's the grandkids' choice - not yours or anyone else's.
.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Jul 6, 2014 23:05:49 GMT -5
To each his own. But my kids and Dh are my life. You see...I think that is sad, that you are so dependent upon someone else to make your life.
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Ryan
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Post by Ryan on Jul 6, 2014 23:07:26 GMT -5
I don't feel bad for people if they really didn't want them. Usually what I've seen is that one spouse feels very strongly about not having kids and the other one goes along for the ride. If they were married to someone else, they probably would have kids.
My wife has a couple friends like that. They grew up talking about their futures and families and all that, but then they ended up marrying people that didn't want kids and they just went along with it.
Having kids is A LOT of work, so if you're not up for it then you're not up for it.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Jul 6, 2014 23:14:59 GMT -5
Do you feel sorry for people that don't have kids? Do you think they are missing out on something? I feel bad for people who wanted to have children and couldn't Missing out? Well, yes, of course. But you can say that about ANYTHING. Anytime someone hasn't experienced something, they missed out on it. Doesn't make it bad, it's just a fact.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Jul 6, 2014 23:16:23 GMT -5
BTW, my husband gets a bit upset/confused when I say that neither my children nor him are my life.
I don't think it's healthy at all to have one thing/person to be "your life"
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Jul 6, 2014 23:23:05 GMT -5
I don't have kids, never wanted kids and having kids would have been a dealbreaker for me in a relationship. Most of the people who I know who are child free were never ambivalent about kids. Capitulating for a spouse didnt happen.
I can't ever remember a time where I wanted kids. Because of this, I made sure there were no accidents. If I had the proverbial biological clock, it was broken.
I have no regrets.
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Nazgul Girl
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Post by Nazgul Girl on Jul 7, 2014 0:15:44 GMT -5
I do feel that my life would have been a lot emptier if I had not had my daughter, and I still mourn the loss of my other two pregnancies which didn't come to term. If I had not had my DD when my first husband divorced me, I wouldn't have gotten to where I am today. She gave meaning to my life. But having a family was something that I always wanted. That being said, after the divorce I realized that I had to become more independent and develop a life wholly without a spouse, which I did. I dated DH ( my second husband ) for six years before we got married. I've been a lot happier without first husband's drama, and looking back with my more emotionally healthy perspective, I would have never dated him in the first place, much less married him. Who's to say that I would have had children with someone else ? I believe that if a person or a couple doesn't want children, that doesn't make them "lesser" than I who have reproduced. The attitude that a person is somehow an incomplete human if they've not had a child is pretty ridiculous.
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moneymaven
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Post by moneymaven on Jul 7, 2014 0:39:27 GMT -5
Yes, of course I do. Same as I feel for people who didn't go to college, or have the dorm life experience, or haven't traveled abroad, or haven't experienced volunteerism, or have no family in the state, or don't have relationships with their parents/siblings, or bought a house or a million other things that I feel have made my life richer. I don't think being childless equates to lesser people at all.
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chiver78
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Post by chiver78 on Jul 7, 2014 6:14:46 GMT -5
To each his own. But my kids and Dh are my life. that's the important point right there. I feel sorry for you that you feel you have to pity us that are child-free.
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kilroy
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Post by kilroy on Jul 7, 2014 6:17:35 GMT -5
I find it highly amusing every time Shooby posts "To each their own" when she so clearly feels otherwise.
Shooby, I can assure you that my childfree home is rarely quiet. It is full of music and laughter and fun and friends and the sounds of DH & I planning our next big trip somewhere. I personally think that it's people who say "my children/DH are my life" who are depressing. I am my own life, thank you very much.
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Cookies Galore
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Post by Cookies Galore on Jul 7, 2014 6:20:25 GMT -5
Hope you overcome your feeling sorry for us, cause I sure don't feel sorry for myself and I sure don't care what others think. I love playing the doting uncle! And that makes ME sad. How depressing. ;-) Gah! Quoted the wrong person!
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Cookies Galore
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Post by Cookies Galore on Jul 7, 2014 6:21:44 GMT -5
To each his own. But my kids and Dh are my life. I find you not having a life outside your kids extremely depressing and boring. To each their own!
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