nutty
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Post by nutty on Jul 7, 2014 12:28:33 GMT -5
Forget obviously no one is really reading what I posted because someone has already questioned if I moved out and now I am being accused of having swiss cheese, why on earth would I be lying about shit like this, peace y'all I will talk to my pals but I will come back and tell y'all how it was resolved.
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Jul 7, 2014 12:29:35 GMT -5
If you have questions PM me.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Jul 7, 2014 12:30:07 GMT -5
I am not going to argue on here with all you that wants to give me shit, I am going to get the attorney, she knows her stuff. That is what people are telling you to do. However, it is VERY rare that someone receive lifetime alimony and if they do, it is because of one of a couple reasons. Either the displaced spouse is disabled and unable to work OR that they contributed significantly to the partner's education (i.e. a wife putting her husband through medical school). If you get lifetime alimony for some reason, there is no guarantee that something won't happen that you might lose it. That is the reason why most of us on here are asking you what plans you are making for yourself so that you can support yourself. Hell, Nutty. I'm physically disabled. If I wanted to, I could sit on my ass and collect disability for the rest of my life. I can no longer do the job I trained and educated myself for 30 years to do. But I have decided that my brain still works, so this fall I go back into a field that is removed from my degree and experience because I know that it is the best chance for me to get a job......and I am a hell of a lot older than you are. I know you are getting hit by a lot of things and it is overwhelming. But you MUST figure out a way to work with this, you really don't have any other choice because this is for your future. Everyone here told you that your STBX was rolling over too easy.....and now you are starting to feel it yourself. Listen to your gut.....listen to us. There is a lot of collective wisdom on this board.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 7, 2014 12:31:33 GMT -5
We are in chap 13 no credit cards. My mother gave me me the money ti move out. All in all it was 756 to move out. I thought your DH gave you the money to move out. I thought he co-signed and paid for the apt., etc.
A more expensive lawyer isn't necessarily a better lawyer, Nutty . . . nor is one who tells you what you want to hear. Get some references from friends, etc. Did this one tell you how to pay the retainer, by the way? Maybe volunteer to take it out of your settlement?
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Jul 7, 2014 12:33:05 GMT -5
Yes, I am listening to you nice ones. At no point did I ever say that I was not working toward employment, I may have said it jokingly, but really I am young I will and can recover, it's all good. I feel better.
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The Captain
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Post by The Captain on Jul 7, 2014 12:34:30 GMT -5
I am not going to argue on here with all you that wants to give me shit, I am going to get the attorney, she knows her stuff. That is what people are telling you to do. However, it is VERY rare that someone receive lifetime alimony and if they do, it is because of one of a couple reasons. Either the displaced spouse is disabled and unable to work OR that they contributed significantly to the partner's education (i.e. a wife putting her husband through medical school). If you get lifetime alimony for some reason, there is no guarantee that something won't happen that you might lose it. That is the reason why most of us on here are asking you what plans you are making for yourself so that you can support yourself. Hell, Nutty. I'm physically disabled. If I wanted to, I could sit on my ass and collect disability for the rest of my life. I can no longer do the job I trained and educated myself for 30 years to do. But I have decided that my brain still works, so this fall I go back into a field that is removed from my degree and experience because I know that it is the best chance for me to get a job......and I am a hell of a lot older than you are. I know you are getting hit by a lot of things and it is overwhelming. But you MUST figure out a way to work with this, you really don't have any other choice because this is for your future. Everyone here told you that your STBX was rolling over too easy.....and now you are starting to feel it yourself. Listen to your gut.....listen to us. There is a lot of collective wisdom on this board. I had to quote this just so I could "like" it again.
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Jul 7, 2014 12:34:48 GMT -5
She didn't tell me what I wanted to hear, what she did tell me was a lot different than the other lawyer. I got a much better gut feeling from this one today. I trust my gut always, okay not always becasue I have made some epic bad decisions the last few months but I can't dwell.
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Jul 7, 2014 12:35:36 GMT -5
Ok for reals, I have to get off my ass. Will let you know how it turns out.
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The Captain
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Post by The Captain on Jul 7, 2014 12:39:19 GMT -5
She didn't tell me what I wanted to hear, what she did tell me was a lot different than the other lawyer. I got a much better gut feeling from this one today. I trust my gut always, okay not always becasue I have made some epic bad decisions the last few months but I can't dwell. Ok, so honest question here (really trying to help). You stated above you've gotten very different advice from two different lawyers. When I get that result when doing research I usually seek a third and/or fourth resource to try to get to a commonly agreed upon answer. With only two, different, opinions how can you know which one is right? I think the advice given to seek personal recommendations is a good one. Think of it like a medical opinion. If one doctor tells you that you're seriously ill and need treatment, and another doctor says you fine don't worry wouldn't you go for a third or fourth opinion?
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swasat
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Post by swasat on Jul 7, 2014 12:40:24 GMT -5
Quote removed as post quoted has been removed. mmhmm, Administrator I don't think singlemominmd was being snarky or anything. Your story does a have a ton of loopholes in it. So, lets see.... AT first you said you ex gave you the money for apartment deposit and helped move you out. Then you say your MOM gave you the money. You say your ex has a TON of money, but at the same time you all filed Chapter 13?! You have always claimed to be the money mangaing person in your household. And now that you have moved out (not divorced yet mind you) you have absolutely no way to get funds? How did you manage the money if you are on none of the bank accounts? You initially claimed that you have a job already lined up. And now he pays your entire living expenses? What happened to the supposed job? You claimed you already have a lawyer. Now you are saying you only talked to one. Talking to a lawyer is not even remotely close to "having" a lawyer. Can you honestly not see why everyone is so confused by your story? You post a ton, but you post one liners, with hardly any information in it. How is anyone here supoosed to interpret anything? I am not trying to bring you down. Just trying to show you that your posts are mostly incoherent and you only want us to say what you want to hear. If you really want advice, then you need to be clear and consistent in telling us whats happening. And you need to be open to hearing other people's honest advice.
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Jul 7, 2014 12:40:43 GMT -5
yep will call two more.
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Jul 7, 2014 12:41:28 GMT -5
I know I know, used to texting sorry. Please if something is not making sence ask me in a PM, I am not lying, no reason too.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 7, 2014 12:42:00 GMT -5
I am young I will and can recover, it's all good. And you said it yourself!!! No judge is going to give lifetime alimony to a 40 year old woman that still have a good 25 years left in her to earn a living. You said it yourself; you are young and definitely not disabled. So if I were you I would stop planing or relying on lifetime alimony but more so on plan B on how to be self sufficient and support yourself. I know you want to stick it to your husband but be realistic. A lawyer can promise you the moon, the sky and the sun but doesn't mean they are going to deliver.
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Jul 7, 2014 12:42:04 GMT -5
Yeah I go from feeling sorry for myself to kicking myself in the ass to get going really quickly.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 7, 2014 12:43:29 GMT -5
Quote removed as post quoted has been removed. mmhmm, Administrator I don't think singlemominmd was being snarky or anything. Your story does a have a ton of loopholes in it. So, lets see.... AT first you said you ex gave you the money for apartment deposit and helped move you out. Then you say your MOM gave you the money. You say your ex has a TON of money, but at the same time you all filed Chapter 13?! You have always claimed to be the money mangaing person in your household. And now that you have moved out (not divorced yet mind you) you have absolutely no way to get funds? How did you manage the money if you are on none of the bank accounts? You initially claimed that you have a job already lined up. And now he pays your entire living expenses? What happened to the supposed job? You claimed you already have a lawyer. Now you are saying you only talked to one. Talking to a lawyer is not even remotely close to "having" a lawyer. Can you honestly not see why everyone is so confused by your story? You post a ton, but you post one liners, with hardly any information in it. How is anyone here supoosed to interpret anything? I am not trying to bring you down. Just trying to show you that your posts are mostly incoherent and you only want us to say what you want to hear. If you really want advice, then you need to be clear and consistent in telling us whats happening. And you need to be open to hearing other people's honest advice. Like I said: more holes than Swiss cheese
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 7, 2014 12:43:32 GMT -5
She didn't tell me what I wanted to hear, what she did tell me was a lot different than the other lawyer. I got a much better gut feeling from this one today. I trust my gut always, okay not always becasue I have made some epic bad decisions the last few months but I can't dwell. I'm curious about what this lawyer told you that was so different from what the first one said. Do you mind sharing?
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Nazgul Girl
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Post by Nazgul Girl on Jul 7, 2014 12:55:14 GMT -5
Yes and the lenght of the marriage entitles me to life time alimony. Sorry for all you haters on here, and please go away if you don't want to hear my shit. I was married to a relatively high-earner for about 24 years, and I can assure you that even a long-term marriage does not automatically entitle one to life-time alimony.
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Nazgul Girl
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Post by Nazgul Girl on Jul 7, 2014 12:57:43 GMT -5
Ok just talked to another lawyer who sounds awesome but she wants 4500 but she sounds very good and told me a few things that i was not aware of which made me go hmmm. Who wants to loan me some money...lol Well, we're still waiting for the $1000 that we loaned out two years ago to someone we're not related to be repaid, so sorry here, but the inn's full up and outta any sympathy loans . I do wish you well, and if t'were me, I'd go with the cheaper attorney.
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Nazgul Girl
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Post by Nazgul Girl on Jul 7, 2014 13:00:38 GMT -5
Obviously I was talking to a FL lawyer who knows this stuff, she said absolutely so lets not talk about that again. About what stuff ? Whether you'd get lifetime alimony ? Pretty sure you're not going to get lifetime alimony.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Jul 7, 2014 13:08:47 GMT -5
A small section from the larger statute on alimony in Florida:
The 2013 Florida Statutes Title VI CIVIL PRACTICE AND PROCEDURE Chapter 61 DISSOLUTION OF MARRIAGE; SUPPORT; TIME-SHARING View Entire Chapter 61.08 Alimony.— (1) In a proceeding for dissolution of marriage, the court may grant alimony to either party, which alimony may be bridge-the-gap, rehabilitative, durational, or permanent in nature or any combination of these forms of alimony. In any award of alimony, the court may order periodic payments or payments in lump sum or both. The court may consider the adultery of either spouse and the circumstances thereof in determining the amount of alimony, if any, to be awarded. In all dissolution actions, the court shall include findings of fact relative to the factors enumerated in subsection (2) supporting an award or denial of alimony.
(8) Permanent alimony may be awarded to provide for the needs and necessities of life as they were established during the marriage of the parties for a party who lacks the financial ability to meet his or her needs and necessities of life following a dissolution of marriage. Permanent alimony may be awarded following a marriage of long duration if such an award is appropriate upon consideration of the factors set forth in subsection (2), following a marriage of moderate duration if such an award is appropriate based upon clear and convincing evidence after consideration of the factors set forth in subsection (2), or following a marriage of short duration if there are written findings of exceptional circumstances. In awarding permanent alimony, the court shall include a finding that no other form of alimony is fair and reasonable under the circumstances of the parties. An award of permanent alimony terminates upon the death of either party or upon the remarriage of the party receiving alimony. An award may be modified or terminated based upon a substantial change in circumstances or upon the existence of a supportive relationship in accordance with s. 61.14.
Note: the bolding above is mine. Naggie's marriage falls into the "long duration" definition (17 years or longer), but note the word "may". You can meet all the criteria necessary for permanent alimony, and the judge can still deny it. And it terminates when the payor dies. And it can be modified based on "substantial change." Meaning his retirement, job loss or disability.
I've said this before. Don't feather your nest with what someone else drops. Take it and save it. Make it your EF.The sooner you get used to not having those funds to spend, the hungrier you get to make your own money.
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Jul 7, 2014 13:13:01 GMT -5
Yes and the lenght of the marriage entitles me to life time alimony. Sorry for all you haters on here, and please go away if you don't want to hear my shit. No judge in this day and age is still giving our life time alimony unless they are still stuck in the dark ages. Apparently FL is still stuck in the dark ages... articles.sun-sentinel.com/2013-09-22/news/fl-florida-permanent-alimony-reform-20130922_1_permanent-alimony-archaic-divorce-law-family-law-attorney...although they are working to change that. It could be he offered 23 years to avoid possible lifetime alimony. The only thing I question Nutty is keeping the house & splitting 50% profits at time of sale & getting 25% of retirement at retirement. These could be a really bad deals for you because a lot could happen in the mean time. Split the assets now & only be tied to him on the alimony thing. That way there are no surprises down the road.
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Ombud
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Post by Ombud on Jul 7, 2014 13:22:39 GMT -5
It could be he offered 23 years to avoid possible lifetime alimony. I don't live in Florida. We both still live in California. But I was taken back to court when he wanted more. Could the ex take OP back for --say-- 5 yrs alimony if / when his circumstances change and still keep the property split??
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Nazgul Girl
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Post by Nazgul Girl on Jul 7, 2014 13:26:47 GMT -5
Take the 23-year alimony offer, but take your fifty percent part of the retirement assets now, and keep them sheltered. Do not spend them under any circumstances. Also, try to get an inflation rider in the divorce decree, say 2 % a year for the 23 years. Also, since at this point, you aren't self-sufficient, try to get the legal expenses of your side of the divorce paid by your husband, with the proviso that you don't run them up.
You might want to leave him with the house. How can you maintain it if you don't have sufficient funds to pay an attorney ?
This is all down to the wire on negotiating the best business deal that you can.
It's all very reality-based and something you should consider carefully. Good luck and I do truly hope that you can turn things around for yourself.
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Jul 7, 2014 13:28:48 GMT -5
It could be he offered 23 years to avoid possible lifetime alimony. I don't live in Florida. We both still live in California. But I was taken back to court when he wanted more. Could the ex take OP back for --say-- 5 yrs alimony if / when his circumstances change and still keep the property split?? I have no idea. It sounds like if there is a significant change in circumstance he could. The thing about the property is once it is split, then it is done, so you can't really go back years later and change it usually. Although in this case for some reason they aren't splitting the house until it is sold, so maybe that could be changed & they aren't splitting retirement until retirement, so maybe that could be changed. Both of these seem like really bad moves IMO. You want the split done now.
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Ombud
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Post by Ombud on Jul 7, 2014 13:34:54 GMT -5
Yeah. That's the problem. He grants 23 yrs alimony for a more favorable property split then readjusts when he's able to get a better financial deal.
Nutty, it's perfectly normal to need to lash out. And I guess faceless people here are better for you to be angry with right now
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Nazgul Girl
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Post by Nazgul Girl on Jul 7, 2014 13:41:00 GMT -5
Quote removed as post quoted has been removed. mmhmm, Administrator Sorry Naggie, but in my opinion, nobody's been an ass to you. I'm sure you do feel that you're being put upon, but you wanted ideas, and you're getting them. You have had advice from some people who are well-educated, have experienced divorce, or both. Unfortunately, you have posted some conflicting-seeming info, and it's hard to follow everything, so I'm sure you'll pardon your people who are trying to help you for being confused. Not to worry. You'll figure out something, I'll bet.
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Jul 7, 2014 13:42:26 GMT -5
Nutty, remember you can lock the thread if you don't like the direction it has taken or would like to end the conversation.
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Jul 7, 2014 13:44:41 GMT -5
Oookay, folks. nutty, you are not to call people names; nor, are you to tell others to STFU. That is against our CoC. I understand you're undergoing significant difficulties but nobody here caused that and should not be insulted because you're in the position you're in. Knock it off with the name-calling. I'm going to remove some posts and some quotes. mmhmm, Administrator
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Jul 7, 2014 13:47:50 GMT -5
Morning, so I want to get all the advice I can and keep it here. Obviously I have a lawyer but don't want to miss anything.
This was what Nutty posted in the OP.
She wants advice, but only wants us to post what she wants to hear and if you don't, you're an ass.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Jul 7, 2014 14:04:44 GMT -5
A small section from the larger statute on alimony in Florida: The 2013 Florida Statutes Title VI CIVIL PRACTICE AND PROCEDURE Chapter 61 DISSOLUTION OF MARRIAGE; SUPPORT; TIME-SHARING View Entire Chapter 61.08 Alimony.— (1) In a proceeding for dissolution of marriage, the court may grant alimony to either party, which alimony may be bridge-the-gap, rehabilitative, durational, or permanent in nature or any combination of these forms of alimony. In any award of alimony, the court may order periodic payments or payments in lump sum or both. The court may consider the adultery of either spouse and the circumstances thereof in determining the amount of alimony, if any, to be awarded. In all dissolution actions, the court shall include findings of fact relative to the factors enumerated in subsection (2) supporting an award or denial of alimony. (8) Permanent alimony may be awarded to provide for the needs and necessities of life as they were established during the marriage of the parties for a party who lacks the financial ability to meet his or her needs and necessities of life following a dissolution of marriage. Permanent alimony may be awarded following a marriage of long duration if such an award is appropriate upon consideration of the factors set forth in subsection (2), following a marriage of moderate duration if such an award is appropriate based upon clear and convincing evidence after consideration of the factors set forth in subsection (2), or following a marriage of short duration if there are written findings of exceptional circumstances. In awarding permanent alimony, the court shall include a finding that no other form of alimony is fair and reasonable under the circumstances of the parties. An award of permanent alimony terminates upon the death of either party or upon the remarriage of the party receiving alimony. An award may be modified or terminated based upon a substantial change in circumstances or upon the existence of a supportive relationship in accordance with s. 61.14. Note: the bolding above is mine. Naggie's marriage falls into the "long duration" definition (17 years or longer), but note the word "may". You can meet all the criteria necessary for permanent alimony, and the judge can still deny it. And it terminates when the payor dies. And it can be modified based on "substantial change." Meaning his retirement, job loss or disability. I've said this before. Don't feather your nest with what someone else drops. Take it and save it. Make it your EF.The sooner you get used to not having those funds to spend, the hungrier you get to make your own money. I think that's great advice, Nancy . Thanks. If possible, no woman should be dependent on any man for money, and vice versa, no matter how much money is involved or how "perfect" the relationship is. Partners die, move on, kick partners out or go back to the judge and get agreements altered or thrown out. You cannot depend on another person to prop up your house, so to speak. If life throws you a major curve ball, you step up, step back, duck or jump. Or risk getting smack topside the head. As Mich has pointed out, even a major setback, like the once she has experienced, is not an excuse for engaging in thumb-twiddling, crying and living life out of control.
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