Sunnyday
Well-Known Member
Joined: Aug 3, 2013 0:36:39 GMT -5
Posts: 1,425
|
Post by Sunnyday on Jun 3, 2014 18:44:38 GMT -5
A long time ago, a friend of mine told me that he felt nothing about his first girlfriend. His ex was part of our social group and he saw her at his house for hours on end almost every day. This was back in college when people could spend hours hanging out at other peoples' houses.
I never believed that you can feel absolutely nothing about someone that you were once head over heels in love with.
What about you guys? I think that we can feel something for someone without still being in love or holding a flame for that person.
My first boyfriend influenced me in so many ways. I was with him for three years at a very formative time in my life. I don't love him, but he's a part of me. And that 19-year old girl who is still a part of me still does love him. The 30ish old is not, but I have never been, am not now and never will be indifferent.
What do you feel about first loves, ex-wives, ex-husbands NOW after all the drama has ended and time has hopefully healed all wounds?
|
|
The Captain
Junior Associate
Hugs are good...
Joined: Jan 4, 2011 16:21:23 GMT -5
Posts: 8,717
Location: State of confusion
Favorite Drink: Whinnnne
|
Post by The Captain on Jun 3, 2014 18:53:45 GMT -5
I've never been into the whole dramatic breakup thing. All of my splits were amicable on both sides.
That said, and without trying to be all sappy, DH is the first (and only) one I ever really thought I was in love with.
|
|
Sunnyday
Well-Known Member
Joined: Aug 3, 2013 0:36:39 GMT -5
Posts: 1,425
|
Post by Sunnyday on Jun 3, 2014 18:55:15 GMT -5
I'm the one who left 2 out of 3 serious relationships and 2 out of 3 of my less serious relationships, and I am not indifferent to any one of them.
You don't even feel nostalgia?
|
|
Blonde Granny
Junior Associate
Joined: Jan 15, 2013 8:27:13 GMT -5
Posts: 6,919
Today's Mood: Alone in the world
Location: Wandering Aimlessly
Mini-Profile Name Color: 28e619
Mini-Profile Text Color: 3a9900
|
Post by Blonde Granny on Jun 3, 2014 18:59:41 GMT -5
First love was over 50 years ago.....I did find his HS senior picture on Classmates in the year book for 1961. I was surprised at the way he actually looked back then. When someone has a name of Bob Jones, you won't find him on Facebook either.
I met Dh a while later and we were married in 1964....except for the thrill of the hunt to find the ex boyfriends picture I'm really never thought about him all these years.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 9, 2024 18:22:45 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 3, 2014 19:00:50 GMT -5
Ex-husband, I feel nothing. I don't wish anything bad for him and I'm glad I was with him since he's the father of my children, but other than that, I gots nothing. I have a couple of exes I'm still fond of, but that's because we remained friends after we stopped dating. One of them has been one of my best friends for over a decade. Other guys I've dated, including my first love.... nothing. Except one guy that I'll probably always love. It's a done deal and we haven't talked in years but he'll always be special to me. Being with him made me believe in a certain kind of magic, things I thought only happened in sappy romance novels. He ruined me.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 9, 2024 18:22:45 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 3, 2014 19:02:49 GMT -5
Prior girlfriend to my wife we are friends on Facebook now... Feel nothing. We talk online and yeah, no fire getting started.
But I did wonder once what could have been/would have been if we stayed together.
|
|
resolution
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 13:09:56 GMT -5
Posts: 7,244
Mini-Profile Name Color: 305b2b
|
Post by resolution on Jun 3, 2014 19:08:10 GMT -5
I have lost touch with all of my ex boyfriends except for one. We dated for a few years but he wanted kids and I didn't. He got drunk one night and told me in detail his plan to date me until I was too old to have kids and then me for someone much younger. He was a work contact and I knew I would see him at work about once a month, so after he sobered up I managed a friendly parting.
We are still friends, although I seldom talk to him now that I moved. We would occasionally carpool to meetings, since he lived nearby. When I dated my husband long distance, he would watch my house for me while I was out of town.
I do wish him the best and hope that he finds someone to give him kids. I had some suggestions on how I thought he could meet a nice woman that would fit with him, but he didn't want my suggestions, so another friend is working on it.
|
|
Sunnyday
Well-Known Member
Joined: Aug 3, 2013 0:36:39 GMT -5
Posts: 1,425
|
Post by Sunnyday on Jun 3, 2014 19:09:32 GMT -5
wow, you guys are really not sentimental at all!!! How can you spend a year or years with people? share your heart, your bed, and be completely indifferent?
|
|
resolution
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 13:09:56 GMT -5
Posts: 7,244
Mini-Profile Name Color: 305b2b
|
Post by resolution on Jun 3, 2014 19:14:43 GMT -5
wow, you guys are really not sentimental at all!!! How can you spend a year or years with people? share your heart, your bed, and be completely indifferent? Well in my case I was in a total rage inside, but I had broken a cardinal rule and dated someone from work. So I had to act professional until I started feeling it. Probably a year before I was genuinely happy to see him at a meeting and faked my way until then.
|
|
Sunnyday
Well-Known Member
Joined: Aug 3, 2013 0:36:39 GMT -5
Posts: 1,425
|
Post by Sunnyday on Jun 3, 2014 19:15:55 GMT -5
Okay for all you soulless people in long-term, serious relationships, do you think five years from now that you can feel indifferent to your current partner?
|
|
nutty
Well-Known Member
Joined: Mar 31, 2014 5:37:19 GMT -5
Posts: 1,166
|
Post by nutty on Jun 3, 2014 19:21:21 GMT -5
Apparently I kill all my ex boyfriends.
|
|
resolution
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 13:09:56 GMT -5
Posts: 7,244
Mini-Profile Name Color: 305b2b
|
Post by resolution on Jun 3, 2014 19:24:45 GMT -5
I like to think that I have a soul. My church teaches that I have one.
365 The unity of soul and body is so profound that one has to consider the soul to be the "form" of the body:234 i.e., it is because of its spiritual soul that the body made of matter becomes a living, human body; spirit and matter, in man, are not two natures united, but rather their union forms a single nature
|
|
midjd
Administrator
Your Money Admin
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 14:09:23 GMT -5
Posts: 17,720
|
Post by midjd on Jun 3, 2014 19:28:36 GMT -5
I dated a guy for 3.5 years in college. He moved to my hometown 2 summers in a row so we could be together (my family lived in IN, his lived in TN). He is a wonderful, kind person, and I treated him very shabbily toward the end. I just didn't love him the way he loved me. After we broke up we still kept in touch - he was my best friend for years and I couldn't just throw that away. He is married now and has a 3yo son. I'm guessing his wife is not a huge fan of mine because he very rarely speaks to me anymore (although he does "like" on FB the pics of my daughter). (We went from talking 3-4 times a week to about once every 6 months once he and his wife started dating). I do miss being able to talk to him about politics and music. And I miss his family - his mom was a mega-bitch, but his sisters and grandma were great. His nieces were 1 and 3 when we broke up, and are tweens now. I feel sad that I couldn't stay in their lives. I dated a lot of other people, but he is probably the only one for whom I feel true nostalgia. I think it's because we didn't break up for any bad reason - we were just two good people who weren't good together.
|
|
lazysundays
Familiar Member
http://triggur.livejournal.com/476376.html
Joined: Jun 27, 2011 21:14:01 GMT -5
Posts: 679
|
Post by lazysundays on Jun 3, 2014 19:31:11 GMT -5
I can't be around my two other serious relationships. One because he thinks I'm the one that got away, and the other because I'm afraid I might still think he's the one that got away even though I'm now happily married to my mr perfect.
|
|
Peace77
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 1:42:40 GMT -5
Posts: 3,992
|
Post by Peace77 on Jun 3, 2014 19:35:58 GMT -5
I'm the one who left 2 out of 3 serious relationships and 2 out of 3 of my less serious relationships, and I am not indifferent to any one of them. You don't even feel nostalgia? Nope. No nostalgia for the jerks and their abusive behavior.
|
|
lazysundays
Familiar Member
http://triggur.livejournal.com/476376.html
Joined: Jun 27, 2011 21:14:01 GMT -5
Posts: 679
|
Post by lazysundays on Jun 3, 2014 19:36:11 GMT -5
Ps- the only thing I miss about my very first BF was the way he was able to make my legs turn to jelly. That man really knows how to use his tongue and hands. oh the nostalgia indeed.
|
|
whoisjohngalt
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 14:12:07 GMT -5
Posts: 9,140
|
Post by whoisjohngalt on Jun 3, 2014 19:39:13 GMT -5
I am very nosy person so I am very curious as to how their lives turned out. But that's about it.
There is one guy that I dated for 5 min that I think about from time to time. But I think it's mostly bc I was very mean to him while we were dating (I was going through some personal shit and took it out on him) and I would love to apologize to him.
|
|
giramomma
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Feb 3, 2011 11:25:27 GMT -5
Posts: 22,141
|
Post by giramomma on Jun 3, 2014 19:39:55 GMT -5
wow, you guys are really not sentimental at all!!! How can you spend a year or years with people? share your heart, your bed, and be completely indifferent? I didn't spend a year or years with anyone except my husband. When I was in HS and early in college, I dated to have fun. I didn't date to settle down or find someone to pair up with. When I was getting close to 21, I thought maybe I'd want to be married. And, it just worked out that my DH and I are compatible. He's the only person I've dated for more than 3 months. I don't think I could be completely indifferent to my H while we were co-parenting, should we divorce. After the last is in college, I could completely see letting go. In DH's first year of recovery, I was able to dis-engage enough that I could observe his behaviors like an outsider. But I had to to decide if it was in my best interest to stay married, and the only way I could do that is to pull away for a while and not allow myself to be vulnerable. In marriages with infidelity, there's something some folks call the plain of lethal flatness. www.survivinginfidelity.com/healing_library/reconciliation/lethal_flatness.asp You get stuck there too long, and it's entirely possible to feel nothing for your spouse.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 9, 2024 18:22:45 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 3, 2014 19:54:28 GMT -5
Ex-husband? We were married 25 years, and he is the father of my children. So I ask about him sometimes to my kids. I will always care about him, but I am not in love with him.
Ex-boyfriend? I was pissed at the time because we broke up over something really trivial that made it obvious that he had one foot out of the door. If I really thought about it, it would still piss me off. But I don't. I don't really care.
I did look my college boyfriend up once, but when I learned his kids were younger than my grandkids, he made me laugh.
|
|
souldoubt
Senior Member
Joined: Jan 4, 2011 11:57:14 GMT -5
Posts: 2,756
|
Post by souldoubt on Jun 3, 2014 20:05:59 GMT -5
Aside from my current gf I've only had one other serious relationship and that was the first girl I ever dated who was my first love. We dated for almost 3 years and I felt bad with how it ended because I ended it like an immature kid. Without getting into too many details she went through a lot in her family life (loss, very dysfunctional), went to live with a family member for a while and by the time she came back I was more interested hanging out with friends and killing brain cells than anything else. I don't feel like she's the one that got away or carry a flame for her but she deserved better from me as at the very least someone who cared about her as a person. I lost contact with her, ran into her some years later and was glad she was doing well but still couldn't bring myself to apologize even though she could tell there was something I wanted to say. Live and learn.
|
|
swamp
Community Leader
THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 16:03:22 GMT -5
Posts: 45,619
|
Post by swamp on Jun 3, 2014 20:08:40 GMT -5
wow, you guys are really not sentimental at all!!! How can you spend a year or years with people? share your heart, your bed, and be completely indifferent? I'm a cold hearted bitch?
|
|
JustLurkin
Well-Known Member
This is what you look like right now.
Joined: Dec 21, 2010 5:28:20 GMT -5
Posts: 1,109
|
Post by JustLurkin on Jun 3, 2014 20:36:42 GMT -5
I'm the one who left 2 out of 3 serious relationships and 2 out of 3 of my less serious relationships, and I am not indifferent to any one of them. You don't even feel nostalgia? Nope. No nostalgia for the jerks and their abusive behavior. I feel lucky I dodged some bullets!
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 9, 2024 18:22:45 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 3, 2014 20:41:35 GMT -5
I had a lot of relationships before I married at age 31. I'm on either FB, LinkedIn or both with a dozen or so of them and we occasionally trade e-mails. Right now, for example , I've gone into more detail on my retirement in personal e-mails than I have in social media.
My ex- husband was a different case. It ended badly and he knew how to push my buttons so I cut off contact with him. I worried about him and felt bad about how he'd ruined his life, though.
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,912
|
Post by zibazinski on Jun 3, 2014 20:41:45 GMT -5
Nope, I'm also a cold hearted bitch. When its over, it's over. You're dead to me.
|
|
NastyWoman
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 20:50:37 GMT -5
Posts: 14,875
Member is Online
|
Post by NastyWoman on Jun 3, 2014 20:42:49 GMT -5
I was married for so long (over 30 years) that I don't remember the ones that came before. My marriage was good for a long time until it was not. I will always have a soft spot for the father of my children and I wish him all the best. The guy I ended up divorcing on the other hand can go jump in the lake (or not - up to him) for all I care.
|
|
Nazgul Girl
Junior Associate
Babysitting our new grandbaby 3 days a week !
Joined: Dec 25, 2010 23:25:02 GMT -5
Posts: 5,913
Today's Mood: excellent
|
Post by Nazgul Girl on Jun 3, 2014 20:58:30 GMT -5
I feel very badly that the man that my first husband was when I first fell in love with him, married him, and spent the first few happy years of my married life with has turned into such a dark-souled, threatening, hating, angry personality. I still "love" the man I married, but he is gone, never to return. It's as if he never existed. He's changed that much. I may feel wistful once in awhile about him, but I certainly wouldn't want to be with him now. He's not a nice person, and he kept talking about wishing me dead so that he could collect on my life insurance policy. One injection with the right drug, and I would have been a goner. So, no, I don't think I'm soulless, but I'm not stupid, either. Plus, I've met the love of my life, and have been with him for the last sixteen years. I love him so much.
|
|
sarcasticgirl
Junior Associate
Joined: Jan 4, 2011 14:39:51 GMT -5
Posts: 5,155
Location: Chicago
|
Post by sarcasticgirl on Jun 3, 2014 21:07:46 GMT -5
I wasn't really a relationship type girl... I generally dated people for 2-3 months, got bored or annoyed and broke it off. My longest relationship before DH was 9 months. I wasn't interested in marriage so I didn't have a reason to stick with a relationship I wasn't 100% enjoying. I didn't really have any real major loves or have my heart broken. I cried over 1 guy but it was more because he cheated and I was devastated that someone I trusted would do that to me. Less over HIM. There is one person I had a relationship with and actually loved that I still have contact with. It was complicated and unconventional situation... But I don't have those feelings for him at all.
Sent from my Nexus 4 using proboards
|
|
Sunnyday
Well-Known Member
Joined: Aug 3, 2013 0:36:39 GMT -5
Posts: 1,425
|
Post by Sunnyday on Jun 3, 2014 21:26:41 GMT -5
I feel very badly that the man that my first husband was when I first fell in love with him, married him, and spent the first few happy years of my married life with has turned into such a dark-souled, threatening, hating, angry personality. I still "love" the man I married, but he is gone, never to return. It's as if he never existed. He's changed that much. I may feel wistful once in awhile about him, but I certainly wouldn't want to be with him now. He's not a nice person, and he kept talking about wishing me dead so that he could collect on my life insurance policy. One injection with the right drug, and I would have been a goner. So, no, I don't think I'm soulless, but I'm not stupid, either. Plus, I've met the love of my life, and have been with him for the last sixteen years. I love him so much. But see you feel sadness for him. You regret the man he was. That is hardly indifferent in my mind. I'm starting to think that I'm a sentimental sap compared to some of you. I have a box of stuff that my ex gave me. Some of the stuff are things from his childhood, he gave them to me to link his past with his present. It feels scandalous to throw them out. I don't want them, but i don't want to throw them out in the trash. I also feel sad when I see lost pictures or old family albums in antique stores. Wow, I am a sap
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 9, 2024 18:22:45 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 3, 2014 21:30:28 GMT -5
As to the hanging out thing, well, I think relationships tend to end because we realize we never were or have become something different than what we seemed to be to each other at first... So I don't see why you can't be friends with the 'new' person. Or leave them behind if they don't fit..
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 9, 2024 18:22:45 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 3, 2014 21:39:17 GMT -5
1st ex-husband, i feel nothing. 2nd ex-husband (father of my son), no good feelings. My first "love", also the first guy i was with sexually (i was also engaged to), i feel nothing, he is on my facebook but we don't even talk. Another long term (3+ years) ex-bf just got married. We have been friends for a long time now, i want nothing but the best for him, no feelings for him other than loving him like a brother. Although i think out of all my relationships, he was the most suitable one for me. Another long term ex (3+ yrs), we don't talk, no feelings, it was a bad relationship and ended badly (then he came back to propose, i refused).
|
|