quince
Senior Member
Joined: Sept 23, 2011 17:51:12 GMT -5
Posts: 2,699
|
Post by quince on Jun 4, 2014 11:09:58 GMT -5
My ex boyfriend- not a great guy. Verbally abusive, anger management issues, deadbeat. Blah, blah, blah.
In very poor health- nosedive of a decline after I left. I gave some assistance, and visited him every couple of weeks- he has not a lot of friends and no family- mostly due to his poor decisions, but it doesn't make dying alone any less sad. Visits ended when I moved out to CA, otherwise, they would continue.
He's not a wonderful person, but I loved him once, and it cost me very little to give him some company and minor assistance when he needed it.
|
|
Chocolate Lover
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 15:54:19 GMT -5
Posts: 23,200
|
Post by Chocolate Lover on Jun 4, 2014 11:21:59 GMT -5
I have no warm fuzzies for any of them. HS BF was a douche and most of what I learned from him was what NOT to do/put up with. He did find me on FB a while back, he hasn't changed one tiny little bit, so I unfriended him. XH I will share a planet with only because he's my DS's father. If he wasn't I'd be waiting on that bus to hit him. More of what not to do there.
|
|
Sam_2.0
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 15:42:45 GMT -5
Posts: 12,350
|
Post by Sam_2.0 on Jun 4, 2014 11:22:01 GMT -5
I always get curious about what they are doing now. I have feelings towards them, but it's not like I want to be back together with any of them. They were important parts of my life and will always be remembered fondly for that. I think it's because we are several years down the road so the pain has lessened and the good memories are what I held on to.
Still FB friends with one and we play Words with Friends all the time. His wife really can't stand me for some reason so we don't talk much IRL. The rest I have absolutely no contact with. Ex-fiancee joined the Navy after we broke up and he shipped out somewhere. Other college boyfriends grew up & got married just like I did. I wish them all well and hope things turned out great for their families. Every now & then I get curious and try to look them up on FB, but not very often.
There is one that seems to have fallen off the face of the earth somehow. He's the one I feel bad about since I know that I treated him terribly. He was always a loyal friend and really wanted to date me and I kept ignoring him. I never wonder what life would have been like with him, but I miss him and wish he was still around since he was such a great friend. But some things you can't go back to.
|
|
sheilaincali
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 17:55:24 GMT -5
Posts: 4,131
|
Post by sheilaincali on Jun 4, 2014 11:22:55 GMT -5
I am a little shocked at the animosity shown here by the women
Animosity works I guess. More of "complete indifference". My Ex's and I don't share any kids or property.
My ex husband (married for 4 months when I was 20) was verbally and mentally abusive so when I got the courage to leave him I never looked back.
I'm 38. I haven't seen or spoken to any of these guys in 20 years. I'm happy with my husband and my son so I don't feel the need to dwell on the past. Looking back they probably weren't healthy relationships so there's isn't a lot of nostalgia to look back fondly on.
|
|
muttleynfelix
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 15:32:52 GMT -5
Posts: 9,406
|
Post by muttleynfelix on Jun 4, 2014 11:29:02 GMT -5
I only had one long time boyfriend (9 months) before I met DH. I did have a high school boyfriends of 5 months, but he's gay. So nothing happened between us in high school (literally, all we did was hold hands in high school, no kissing). I'm facebook friends with him and his mom. She (in particular) has had a really hard life. I don't talk to him a lot, we really don't have anything in common any more. My college ex actually just contacted me 2 weeks ago. It was a little awkward. He was going to be in the next big town down the interstate from where I live for his sister-in-law's wedding. So, he was saying hey. We were only exclusive for 9 months, but we fooled around for 6 months before that and were f#ck buddies for a year after we broke up. We stayed friends for a while and started dating our respective spouses around the same time. But he got hurt because I didn't invite him to my wedding and I was a little peeved he asked me if he was better in bed than my now husband. We saw each other at a mutual friend's wedding while I was pregnant with my oldest. It was brief. My DH wasn't a fan of him. Actually, I wasn't either at that encounter. Anyway, we last slept together 10 years ago (probably today actually) and I started dating my DH just weeks later. We weren't suited to be together long term. If he and his wife were in the area, I would meet up with them so our kids could do a play date, but eh. He didn't get away. He was more than a friend, but not the love of my life. Some others that I dated briefly - a boy from college (before the college boyfriend) got Mono while we were dating and blamed me and we basically didn't talk again. One of my friends picked up the couple things i had in his room. Years later, my DH and I went up to the town I went to college in to hang out with my ex-roommate. Well her fiance was friends with this guy and we walk into her house and there he was. It was weird, but it made the friend's wedding a little easier (it was the wedding where DH met my ex boyfriend, yes we all hung out in the same circles). I have no feelings for this guy any more. A guy I dated very briefly as a distraction between my sophomore and junior years of college. He's the only guy I cheated on and I broke up with him over the phone. I was 20, he was 27. I was bored, he was looking for a wife. He was a farmer/seed salesman and I was going to be an engineer. Basically I was waiting to get back to school to start dating my college boyfriend since he didn't want to do the long distance (Arizona to Illinois) thing over the summer. I treated the farmer poorly. My dad even called me out on it. He knew while I liked the guy, I was using him and asked me what I was doing with him.....ummmmm I'm wanting some fun dad. I'm working 6am-3pm with the county. 4-8pm with you or going to class (with you) 6-8pm. Anyway, I didn't break up with him until I went back to school and after I had fooled around with the soon to be boyfriend. That is what I feel bad about.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 9, 2024 18:31:51 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 4, 2014 11:31:09 GMT -5
I feel nothing for my ex husband, but that was many years ago. I wish him the best. We were too young.
However, since then I have been involved with some that I can't stand now. Some bad experiences.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 9, 2024 18:31:51 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 4, 2014 11:33:04 GMT -5
I don't feel animosity. I feel friendly, or apathy. The only time animosity enters into my thinking of the past is occasional self flagulation... As in how could you have been so stupid...
And, maybe that is a bit of where the animosity some feel comes from, because we can just look at who they were, we'd have to look at who we were too... And that's not fun.
So, I'd rather just release it all, learn and let go...
|
|
achelois
Well-Known Member
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 9:55:44 GMT -5
Posts: 1,479
|
Post by achelois on Jun 4, 2014 13:03:30 GMT -5
I am a little shocked at the animosity shown here by the women. I thought you were all romantics at heart. Maybe that was the original problems for the ladies here. You were romantics and took it much more serious than the men in your lives I can understand the ex-husband scenerios. It is always a crash and serious emotional burn with them, but first loves, too?
Still on the first marriage, and we are still in love and happy going into the great grandchildren phase of life, so I cannot relate exactly with the situations of divorce. First and second love? Different story here. First love was more of puppy love and experimentation and discovery for both of us. I could not forget if I tried, and will always have fond memories. We came to the conclusion we were not the right mix for each other, without destroying ourselves over it. Have no clue how we actually accomplished that. Or, at least in my case, I thought we did. Maybe she is posting here and has posted what an idiot I was Have no clue where she is now, and I am not one for looking back, but will always be fond of her. Second love? Do not know if it was true love. Second thought ---could not have been. I was drafted, and we parted before I was actually in the service, because we did not know what would happen to us, so I guess it was not meant to be true love, although I still think of her. I know she married three years later and had three girls, but that is because we were raised in the same neighborhood and everyone knew each other. Other than the early years of her marriage, have no clue on her journey thru life.
Maybe it is a little different for men, if we are not "stalkers" in relationships, but I would never look up old lovers on facebook, etc, to see how things are going for them. I will just stick with the memories, but that's just me. The women on here have been very restrained. If you want to see animosity, go to any site that has articles on women's issues and read some comments posted by many of the men there.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 9, 2024 18:31:51 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 4, 2014 13:05:15 GMT -5
I don't feel animosity towards any of my Exes- not even my late ex-husband. He wrecked his own life and lost everything important to him. It was a waste of a brilliant mind and also some good qualities. He missed seeing DS grow into a wonderful young man and will never see his grandchild, or future grandchildren.
The rest- we were different people, different time. The one I could have married says he envies my travels- he's a workaholic (lawyer and CPA) who's supported first and second wives who were stay-at-home moms and he hustled to get 4 kids (3 from his first marriage plus stepson) through college. I just hope he retires soon and gets time to enjoy it, but at least I can see (via FB) what fun he's having with the grandkids and it makes me happy. The only one I cut off from my e-mail feed was one who keeps exhorting me to come back to the One True Faith (I was Roman Catholic, now Episcopalian) and then remarry DH in the Real Church now that my Ex is deceased. (The marriage service with 3 Episcopal priests officiating didn't count.) He's struggled with sporadic jobs and is fighting prostate cancer- another brilliant guy who never lived up to his promise- so I can't get angry at him but I can disconnect him from my life.
|
|
achelois
Well-Known Member
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 9:55:44 GMT -5
Posts: 1,479
|
Post by achelois on Jun 4, 2014 13:27:30 GMT -5
I do not feel hostile to either of my exes at this point. I try to feel sorry for them because, after all, it is THEIR loss
|
|
tloonya
Junior Associate
What status?
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 16:22:13 GMT -5
Posts: 8,452
|
Post by tloonya on Jun 4, 2014 13:33:33 GMT -5
I do understand where OP is coming from. It is totally understandable that people do feel something when everything is over. However I am more of waking up and going 'shit! what am I doing here with this moron?' and no, there is no feelings left and I don't even know why!!! It is like...what have I ever saw in this person?
Of course considering above said I would not having any leftovers feelings if I had met him anywhere.
Some people are just romantic and some...well...
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,912
|
Post by zibazinski on Jun 4, 2014 14:08:21 GMT -5
I'm glad for FB. Just luck and divine intervention that DF got on two weeks before I asked DD to see who in my past was on there!!
|
|
HoneyBBQ
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 27, 2010 10:36:09 GMT -5
Posts: 5,395
Mini-Profile Background: {"image":"","color":"3b444e"}
|
Post by HoneyBBQ on Jun 4, 2014 14:13:16 GMT -5
I just had a BBQ at my house with my high school sweetheart and his wife. He's a nice guy and I like his wife, probably more than him. We're all friends. I love them all. We go camping together, etc. NBD. I am friendly with some of my other exes, others I don't talk to at all. It just sort of depended how the relationship ended and what kind of person they were (are). I'm not sentimental at all.
|
|
cronewitch
Junior Associate
I identify as a post-menopausal childless cat lady and I vote.
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 21:44:20 GMT -5
Posts: 5,979
|
Post by cronewitch on Jun 4, 2014 14:37:10 GMT -5
First romance ended when he went to the Navy, never heard from him again. It was 1966 I wonder if he lived through the war but don't really care about him. He called when I wasn't home and told my mom his deferment was over and he wanted his ring back. She told him I lost the ring and was at church on a Wednesday night, I am sure he didn't believe her but it was true. First marriage 1967 divorce 1984, I felt really bad for him losing me . I couldn't live with him and he couldn't get along without me but I left him anyhow. At first I missed his family and friends but then they weren't important anymore. I felt like I should take care of him but couldn't the first couple of years. He was an alcoholic who didn't have anything because I left him and he wasn't working and lost everything. After 2 years he got out of treatment and started to make a new life and I started talking to him again. I bought him a bookcase and gave him a used tv and drove him a couple of places to help him get on his feet. Then he owed me some old money and refused to pay me so I never spoke to him again. I lost all respect for him, I heard he married a couple more times then died. I didn't feel good or bad about his death.
|
|
Angel!
Senior Associate
Politics Admin
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 11:44:08 GMT -5
Posts: 10,722
|
Post by Angel! on Jun 4, 2014 14:46:21 GMT -5
I am pretty apathetic about my ex's. I hope the best for them, but don't really care. I have some fond memories and some not so fond memories of all of them, but not really nostalgia. I am a different person than I was with either of my 2 longest relationships (6 years & 9 years), so it is more a reminder of who I once was.
I will say my apathy towards my exH is slowly turning more towards hatred. It isn't what I want, but he keeps pushing my buttons on purpose. I am really tired of hearing about how I don't know anything about love & marriage, am depriving my children of having a father, etc. Or the attempts to hurt me by telling me his is going to get a new girlfriend, get a new wife, have a threesome...those are just more sad than anything because I literally don't care what he chooses to do at this point. I feel sorry for him and hope he finds happiness, but if he can't, he needs to stop directing his anger at me.
|
|
Sunnyday
Well-Known Member
Joined: Aug 3, 2013 0:36:39 GMT -5
Posts: 1,425
|
Post by Sunnyday on Jun 4, 2014 14:47:23 GMT -5
Maybe I a like ZIb, when it's over its over, you are dead to me, I dont waste time with do overs. Who wants a do over? I think that you can care about a person, especially if you stay with friends with them and still never want anything to do with them romantically. People care about friends, right?? In your case, nutty, he would be dead to me too. But for other people, when a relationship fizzles out and all the drama (if there were any) is water under the bridge, you still feel absolutely nothing as if there were a stranger on the street. The ex that I had where it ended badly still affects me. He shaped who I am for the worst in many ways. I recognize that, and the good thing was that I learned what I didn't want. And it was a lesson that had to be learned, even there are gentler ways to learn them. I don't have affection, but I remembered that even though he loved me all wrong. He truly loved me. And that means something. Otherwise, remembering him is painful because I can't believe that i was ever such a door mat. And btw if you want them dead, then you're NOT indifferent.
|
|
nutty
Well-Known Member
Joined: Mar 31, 2014 5:37:19 GMT -5
Posts: 1,166
|
Post by nutty on Jun 4, 2014 14:56:19 GMT -5
Maybe do-over wasn't quite the correct word. I guess I meant that when it's over it's over for me, I no longer put time or effort into the whys and such.
|
|
Sunnyday
Well-Known Member
Joined: Aug 3, 2013 0:36:39 GMT -5
Posts: 1,425
|
Post by Sunnyday on Jun 4, 2014 15:02:09 GMT -5
I hate when thread monsters act up and hide posts... I have no idea what this means. can you explain what you mean?
|
|
midjd
Administrator
Your Money Admin
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 14:09:23 GMT -5
Posts: 17,720
|
Post by midjd on Jun 4, 2014 15:10:45 GMT -5
For an hour or so earlier, it kept saying there were new posts in the thread but when you clicked on the button it took you back to an old post. (I finally commented "where am I?" and the new ones showed up, so I deleted my comment).
|
|
Sunnyday
Well-Known Member
Joined: Aug 3, 2013 0:36:39 GMT -5
Posts: 1,425
|
Post by Sunnyday on Jun 4, 2014 15:16:22 GMT -5
For an hour or so earlier, it kept saying there were new posts in the thread but when you clicked on the button it took you back to an old post. (I finally commented "where am I?" and the new ones showed up, so I deleted my comment). Okay, it's just a glitch. I thought that someone was maliciously bumping up old posts.
|
|
NomoreDramaQ1015
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
Posts: 48,090
|
Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jun 4, 2014 15:23:38 GMT -5
I wouldn't say I feel nothing towards my HS sweetheart but it's been such a long time since we dated now that it's more like we are acquaintances. We've grown up a lot, we're totally different people than we were back in high school.
My second "boyfriend" I feel some guilt because we never reconciled our friendship, but as DH pointed out it wasn't like he went out of his way to mend fences either. So it is what it is.
We were good friends and I miss that, but dating each other was an absolute disaster. We were too much alike in all the wrong ways. It's probably a good thing it exploded when it did rather than progressing to us being adults and possibly adding sex into the mix.
|
|
kent
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 16:13:46 GMT -5
Posts: 3,594
|
Post by kent on Jun 4, 2014 17:55:45 GMT -5
My ex boyfriend- not a great guy. Verbally abusive, anger management issues, deadbeat. Blah, blah, blah. In very poor health- nosedive of a decline after I left. I gave some assistance, and visited him every couple of weeks- he has not a lot of friends and no family- mostly due to his poor decisions, but it doesn't make dying alone any less sad. Visits ended when I moved out to CA, otherwise, they would continue. He's not a wonderful person, but I loved him once, and it cost me very little to give him some company and minor assistance when he needed it. You did the right thing IMO - I call that being a REALLY good person.
|
|
Nazgul Girl
Junior Associate
Babysitting our new grandbaby 3 days a week !
Joined: Dec 25, 2010 23:25:02 GMT -5
Posts: 5,913
Today's Mood: excellent
|
Post by Nazgul Girl on Jun 4, 2014 18:17:15 GMT -5
Well, my first marriage ended amicably enough, and actually she found me on facebook a couple years ago and now we're friends but don't send emails or anything. I had such high hopes too, but I guess that's what happens when you're young and in ~love~. The engagement and wedding were perfect and it all went so fast!! I sent her note one day that said "do you want to get married?" and even put the little boxes that said "yes' and "no" because I knew how wishy-washy chicks can be . She said yes and then suggested the next day at recess. So that night when my mom went to the grocery store I went with her and bought a ring out of one of the vending machines for 25 cents which was like half a week's pay at the time . But it ended up having a little plastic spider on it which was VERY COOL !! And the next day we got married under the monkey bars during recess.
But then the troubles came. Turns out she didn't really like playing with hot wheels cars very much. And when she would agree to play Star Wars all she wanted to do was dress up the dolls action figures. Han Solo does NOT wear a dress !! And then the spider popped off the ring...that was like the straw that broke the camel's back. To be honest, I'm not even sure she wore the damn thing! I think she was trying to keep the wedding a secret from her family, but they were bound to find out sooner or later. Ya know what I mean?
But the story has a happy ending . We were both able to move past it, and found out that we enjoyed playing together again and there was no hard feelings or anything.
Edit: That's a true story by the way, not just me trying to be a smartass as usual LoL. That's a cute story. A lady I knew 35 years ago had a similar one about her son and his sweetheart from the first grade. They got off the bus at "her" house because they were going to get married. They told her mother that they were going to get married that very day. Her mom looked sad and said that she was sorry, but it was raining and it was a Tuesday, and she could never have weddings at her house on rainy Tuesdays. Then she loaded both of the kids into her car and drove my friend's son home.
|
|
Nazgul Girl
Junior Associate
Babysitting our new grandbaby 3 days a week !
Joined: Dec 25, 2010 23:25:02 GMT -5
Posts: 5,913
Today's Mood: excellent
|
Post by Nazgul Girl on Jun 4, 2014 18:25:30 GMT -5
I have helped out my ex a couple of times, once, mainly, when his car broke down, and he couldn't reach AAA or his girlfrriend. ( I don't think he had paid his dues, but whatever ). He was okay during my aid ( he called me, and everyone told me not to help him, but I did ). But afterward, he said nasty things about me to our daughter. So, I'm not really sure what the whole point was in helping him . We were affable to each other during his sister's memorial service, and I was cordial to his wife, who has been worse to our daughter than he has, but overall, I choose to remember our few good years together, and not dwell on the negatives. My life is wonderful, and I live in the positive. I've moved on.
|
|
billisonboard
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 22:45:44 GMT -5
Posts: 38,230
Member is Online
|
Post by billisonboard on Jun 4, 2014 20:37:39 GMT -5
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 9, 2024 18:31:51 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 4, 2014 20:46:35 GMT -5
DH is my first and only love.
|
|
The Captain
Junior Associate
Hugs are good...
Joined: Jan 4, 2011 16:21:23 GMT -5
Posts: 8,717
Location: State of confusion
Favorite Drink: Whinnnne
|
Post by The Captain on Jun 5, 2014 8:10:01 GMT -5
DH is my first and only love. Come on Lone, you and I are supposed to be the non-sappy beoytches on the board!
|
|
Jake 48
Senior Member
keeping the faith
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 16:06:13 GMT -5
Posts: 3,337
|
Post by Jake 48 on Jun 5, 2014 9:22:50 GMT -5
First love in high school 2 1/2 yrs, she dumped me and broke my heart. I use her name on the various security questions that ask " high school sweetheart or childhood romance" for different accounts, so I would say she had a big impact on my life. I found out her parents had passed away last year and went to the cemetery to pay my respects, they were always nice to me. Never tried to run into her, I figure that ball is in her court, with the internet you can find anybody. Dated a couple of girls, nothing serious before DW1, with DW1 for 16 yrs before we divorced, 10 married. 2 great boys and a lot of good memories. she ended the marriage, an affair with a co worker, a miscarriage, not mine. Tried to make it work, she wanted out so it ended. She tried to get back together just before everything finalized but I had started dating DW2 and the damage was done so that was it. We kept it civil for the boys and it worked out in the long run,I probably talk to my ex about once a month about the kids and if she needed help with anything I will help her. Met DW2 while going through divorce with DW1, DW2 took a huge chance on dating me, still married on paper .DW2 is very independent and extremely intelligent. DW2 encouraged me to switch careers, took me on vacations,was buying my groceries so there was food in the house for the boys, she loves my boys as if they were her own. When we got married I gained DSD and while she gave a run for our money, she has grown up to be a responsible adult I love her as my own Now DW2 lives in MI, I'm in MA and I'm supporting her dream job in R& , living apart sucks, but we make it work
|
|
genericname
Established Member
Joined: Jan 31, 2013 11:36:33 GMT -5
Posts: 378
|
Post by genericname on Jun 5, 2014 9:29:38 GMT -5
First love, meh. I hear he's a math teacher now. Good for him.
My ex husband passed away several years ago. I feel sad for his family, but I am glad that he was able to move on and marry someone else who made him happy before he got sick. I hope he made his peace with life before his death. I didn't go to his funeral, because his widow was the jealous type and I didn't want to cause strife on a day when his family needed peace. I was conflicted, but ultimately felt his family's needs came before any "closure" I desired.
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,912
|
Post by zibazinski on Jun 5, 2014 9:32:52 GMT -5
I'd feel glad you didn't get stuck dealing with last illness. Ill bet DFs ex is doing the happy dance she's out of it.
|
|