Bob Ross
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 21, 2010 14:48:03 GMT -5
Posts: 5,883
|
Post by Bob Ross on May 8, 2014 9:51:20 GMT -5
Too bad your life didn't get flipped turned upside down, or I would've cheered you up with some Fresh Prince lyrics. As it stands, my condolences.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 9, 2024 12:23:31 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 8, 2014 9:52:18 GMT -5
Because people think that their spouse is going to change into the person "they know they can be" instead of seeing them as they really are.
|
|
tloonya
Junior Associate
What status?
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 16:22:13 GMT -5
Posts: 8,452
|
Post by tloonya on May 8, 2014 9:52:34 GMT -5
She doesn't think he is, she just proves he is by continuing her affair....err, taking a lover for 20 years. Thanks, Sybil#4. Exactly and not so much. She doesn't think that at all. She loves him. I think he is no good for nothing moron. I consider missionary position is a crime. And this is all he is capable of. And snoring. She is an angel. She had not left him, she brought up kids, she cured him from drinking, he thinks he worth something because of HER. And he is not. (MPL, FYI...she did not say it, I did... )
|
|
Angel!
Senior Associate
Politics Admin
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 11:44:08 GMT -5
Posts: 10,722
|
Post by Angel! on May 8, 2014 9:53:14 GMT -5
Because people that their spouse is going to change into the person "they know they can be" instead of seeing them as they really are. x 1,000
|
|
NancysSummerSip
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 19:19:42 GMT -5
Posts: 36,691
Today's Mood: Full of piss and vinegar
Favorite Drink: Anything with ice
Member is Online
|
Post by NancysSummerSip on May 8, 2014 9:53:49 GMT -5
OP wrote somewhere-quote: She has always had unhealthy relationships and interactions with men. She's a big flirt. She leads guys on. Most of her friends are men going all the way back to high school. She's never been particularly good at setting boundaries or showing self restraint. Quite simply she craves attention from men and always has.
And he married her...why? Anyone? The same reason many people marry: because they love someone, and think they can do so despite any flaws or faults. Or because they think marriage will change the other person (It never does). Or because they think they are the "right" person to make someone else change their ways (they aren't the "right" person; there is no such thing). And she's no angel. And she did not "cure" his drinking. There is no such thing. He's a recovering alcoholic, not a cured one. And if he quit on account of her, it won't last. You cannot quit an addiction for someone else. You have to do it for you; it's the only way recovery works long-term.
|
|
Bob Ross
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 21, 2010 14:48:03 GMT -5
Posts: 5,883
|
Post by Bob Ross on May 8, 2014 9:54:18 GMT -5
I consider missionary position is a crime. Loony's into hot carls.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 9, 2024 12:23:31 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 8, 2014 9:55:19 GMT -5
Among other things...
|
|
tloonya
Junior Associate
What status?
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 16:22:13 GMT -5
Posts: 8,452
|
Post by tloonya on May 8, 2014 9:57:54 GMT -5
OP wrote somewhere-quote: She has always had unhealthy relationships and interactions with men. She's a big flirt. She leads guys on. Most of her friends are men going all the way back to high school. She's never been particularly good at setting boundaries or showing self restraint. Quite simply she craves attention from men and always has.
And he married her...why? Anyone? The same reason many people marry: because they love someone, and think they can do so despite any flaws or faults. Or because they think marriage will change the other person (It never does). Or because they think they are the "right" person to make someone else change their ways (they aren't the "right" person; there is no such thing). The woman who has: 1. unhealthy relationships and interactions with men. 2. She's a big flirt. 3. She leads guys on. 4. She's never been particularly good at setting boundaries or showing self restraint. 5. Quite simply she craves attention from men and always has. ...is a slut! Who can change THAT
|
|
NancysSummerSip
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 19:19:42 GMT -5
Posts: 36,691
Today's Mood: Full of piss and vinegar
Favorite Drink: Anything with ice
Member is Online
|
Post by NancysSummerSip on May 8, 2014 10:03:35 GMT -5
The same reason many people marry: because they love someone, and think they can do so despite any flaws or faults. Or because they think marriage will change the other person (It never does). Or because they think they are the "right" person to make someone else change their ways (they aren't the "right" person; there is no such thing). The woman who has: 1. unhealthy relationships and interactions with men. 2. She's a big flirt. 3. She leads guys on. 4. She's never been particularly good at setting boundaries or showing self restraint. 5. Quite simply she craves attention from men and always has. ...is a slut! Who can change THAT No one except the person who is in this situation and wants to change it. That's the point most of us are making. The OP has to decide if he wants to invest time and effort into supporting her, the marriage and the work that will go into making those changes. Yes, people do change. But only if they understand a few things about themselves, such as what actually led to cheating in the first place, why their relationships have been unhealthy, why the need for so much attention to and from men. I don't think it will be possible for her to say, "OK, I'm done cheating" and that's it, just cold turkey. I said it before: the cheating isn't the problem, it's the symptom of a bigger problem.
|
|
Wisconsin Beth
Distinguished Associate
No, we don't walk away. But when we're holding on to something precious, we run.
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 11:59:36 GMT -5
Posts: 30,626
|
Post by Wisconsin Beth on May 8, 2014 10:05:42 GMT -5
Abababa, you can always leave next week, next month, next year, etc. But once you leave there is likely no turning back. So I would give yourself time & do some counseling to figure out what you want. Don't make any really rash decisions that can't be undone. If after some time you realize that you don't love her or can't forgive her or that she will never change, then you can move on. Yep, counseling while you figure out what you can and cannot handle from her. Personally, I think her stopping counseling would make me reconsider everything. You haven't said she would but I thought I'd toss it out there. My BIL sent to a about 4-5 sessions of counseling. Based on my own experience in counseling, he quit just about at the time the therapist was asking him to start doing homework/work on himself. That wasn't a dealbreaker for his wife but for me, based on what I know of their relationship, it would have been for me. Everyone's got different tolerance levels and stuff so obviously mine are different that BIL's wife's.
|
|
tloonya
Junior Associate
What status?
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 16:22:13 GMT -5
Posts: 8,452
|
Post by tloonya on May 8, 2014 10:06:05 GMT -5
OP wrote somewhere-quote: She has always had unhealthy relationships and interactions with men. She's a big flirt. She leads guys on. Most of her friends are men going all the way back to high school. She's never been particularly good at setting boundaries or showing self restraint. Quite simply she craves attention from men and always has.
And he married her...why? Anyone? The same reason many people marry: because they love someone, and think they can do so despite any flaws or faults. Or because they think marriage will change the other person (It never does). Or because they think they are the "right" person to make someone else change their ways (they aren't the "right" person; there is no such thing). And she's no angel. And she did not "cure" his drinking. There is no such thing. He's a recovering alcoholic, not a cured one. And if he quit on account of her, it won't last. You cannot quit an addiction for someone else. You have to do it for you; it's the only way recovery works long-term. You know what I love about you posting? Is that you have NO idea but you are sure of things. He had been cured and out of it for 30 friggin years! He is 70 now, okey And YES she cured him because she was there for him making chicken soups and listening to his whining. And when he had his last scarry 'hang over' when he saw green little devils - she saved him and he got so scared that he quit. Because this coward moron wanted to live so badly... And YES one absolutely CAN quit for someone else...but it is another story...
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 9, 2024 12:23:31 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 8, 2014 10:08:19 GMT -5
Sounds like she falls under #1, Evil.. She is not evil. They are still married and he has no idea...because he is an ignorant stupid #$#&*&@!!! How is she evil? She needed sex! He wasn't listening!!! And still don't but now it is probably doesn't matter. Again, why did she stay married to him? Money? His charming personality? I don't get having partners on the side. I just don't. Then again, I might be just too loyal.
|
|
Angel!
Senior Associate
Politics Admin
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 11:44:08 GMT -5
Posts: 10,722
|
Post by Angel! on May 8, 2014 10:11:35 GMT -5
The same reason many people marry: because they love someone, and think they can do so despite any flaws or faults. Or because they think marriage will change the other person (It never does). Or because they think they are the "right" person to make someone else change their ways (they aren't the "right" person; there is no such thing). And she's no angel. And she did not "cure" his drinking. There is no such thing. He's a recovering alcoholic, not a cured one. And if he quit on account of her, it won't last. You cannot quit an addiction for someone else. You have to do it for you; it's the only way recovery works long-term. You know what I love about you posting? Is that you have NO idea but you are sure of things. He had been cured and out of it for 30 friggin years! He is 70 now, okey And YES she cured him because she was there for him making chicken soups and listening to his whining. And when he had his last scarry 'hang over' when he saw green little devils - she saved him and he got so scared that he quit. Because this coward moron wanted to live so badly... And YES one absolutely CAN quit for someone else...but it is another story... You clearly don't know much about addiction. If he quit, then he did it for himself because the green devils were a wakeup. Quitting for someone else never works. You eventually resent the person that has taken away all your fun & go back to using.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 9, 2024 12:23:31 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 8, 2014 10:13:02 GMT -5
You know what I love about you posting? Is that you have NO idea but you are sure of things. He had been cured and out of it for 30 friggin years! He is 70 now, okey And YES she cured him because she was there for him making chicken soups and listening to his whining. And when he had his last scarry 'hang over' when he saw green little devils - she saved him and he got so scared that he quit. Because this coward moron wanted to live so badly... And YES one absolutely CAN quit for someone else...but it is another story... You clearly don't know much about addiction. If he quit, then he did it for himself because the green devils were a wakeup. Quitting for someone else never works. You eventually resent the person that has taken away all your fun & go back to using.
|
|
tloonya
Junior Associate
What status?
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 16:22:13 GMT -5
Posts: 8,452
|
Post by tloonya on May 8, 2014 10:14:46 GMT -5
She is not evil. They are still married and he has no idea...because he is an ignorant stupid #$#&*&@!!! How is she evil? She needed sex! He wasn't listening!!! And still don't but now it is probably doesn't matter. Again, why did she stay married to him? Money? His charming personality? I don't get having partners on the side. I just don't. Then again, I might be just too loyal. I had been asking this question my whole life. For some reason she loved him or maybe she is such a dedicated mother that she stayed or maybe because back then it was so important to be married or...honestly I don't know. None of us knew nor understood. Her life was a turmoil. However after her kids grew up and settled and he stopped drinking - now they are a picture perfect family! And he believes he had done it all with his own hands. All bad is forgotten. Family with kids, grandkids, great grandkids...awesome!
|
|
abababa
New Member
Joined: May 5, 2014 19:55:18 GMT -5
Posts: 11
|
Post by abababa on May 8, 2014 10:24:06 GMT -5
Tloonya, I don't why I allow it, but you continue to make my blood boil. From what you type, you sound like someone that has a lot of your own issues to work out and could benefit from some serious soul searching and mental health intervention. But that's for you to figure out.
You don't know anything about my wife beyond what I've typed here and have no right to call her a slut. You continue to railroad and hijack this thread for your own selfish purposes. I'd prefer you 'get lost' but realize this is what I open myself up to by posting to an anonymous internet forum. Many other have posted useful insights and for the time being, I'm willing to put up with the rest.
|
|
NancysSummerSip
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 19:19:42 GMT -5
Posts: 36,691
Today's Mood: Full of piss and vinegar
Favorite Drink: Anything with ice
Member is Online
|
Post by NancysSummerSip on May 8, 2014 10:25:35 GMT -5
Tloonya, I don't why I allow it, but you continue to make my blood boil. From what you type, you sound like someone that has a lot of your own issues to work out and could benefit from some serious soul searching and mental health intervention. But that's for you to figure out. You don't know anything about my wife beyond what I've typed here and have no right to call her a slut. You continue to railroad and hijack this thread for your own selfish purposes. I'd prefer you 'get lost' but realize this is what I open myself up to by posting to an anonymous internet forum. Many other have posted useful insights and for the time being, I'm willing to put up with the rest. Thanks. Most of us are here for you. Regardless of your definition of a good outcome on this, we want you to seek it and find it and make it happen.
|
|
Wisconsin Beth
Distinguished Associate
No, we don't walk away. But when we're holding on to something precious, we run.
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 11:59:36 GMT -5
Posts: 30,626
|
Post by Wisconsin Beth on May 8, 2014 10:25:40 GMT -5
Tloonya, I don't why I allow it, but you continue to make my blood boil. From what you type, you sound like someone that has a lot of your own issues to work out and could benefit from some serious soul searching and mental health intervention. But that's for you to figure out. You don't know anything about my wife beyond what I've typed here and have no right to call her a slut. You continue to railroad and hijack this thread for your own selfish purposes. I'd prefer you 'get lost' but realize this is what I open myself up to by posting to an anonymous internet forum. Many other have posted useful insights and for the time being, I'm willing to put up with the rest. You can put her (or anyone except a mod) on ignore. You have to do it from your profile.
|
|
Angel!
Senior Associate
Politics Admin
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 11:44:08 GMT -5
Posts: 10,722
|
Post by Angel! on May 8, 2014 10:30:16 GMT -5
Tloonya, I don't why I allow it, but you continue to make my blood boil. From what you type, you sound like someone that has a lot of your own issues to work out and could benefit from some serious soul searching and mental health intervention. But that's for you to figure out. You don't know anything about my wife beyond what I've typed here and have no right to call her a slut. You continue to railroad and hijack this thread for your own selfish purposes. I'd prefer you 'get lost' but realize this is what I open myself up to by posting to an anonymous internet forum. Many other have posted useful insights and for the time being, I'm willing to put up with the rest. Just ignore her. Not everyone is going to understand or be helpful on a board like this. Some people just want to be an ass & make you feel worse. I think it is due to a lack of empathy.
|
|
sheilaincali
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 17:55:24 GMT -5
Posts: 4,131
|
Post by sheilaincali on May 8, 2014 10:59:38 GMT -5
OP- given what you have said about your wife- her 180 turn, wanting to work on things, etc. I think it's a good idea for her to do some self-inspection and try to answer the WHY's of her behaviors. There maybe an underlying issue as to why she behaves the way she does with men.
I understand your reluctance to just go right back into your previous relationship status. I hit that point a couple of times with DH. That self-doubt as to whether you are making the right decision or not. Only time and careful consideration will give you your answer.
|
|
tloonya
Junior Associate
What status?
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 16:22:13 GMT -5
Posts: 8,452
|
Post by tloonya on May 8, 2014 11:15:00 GMT -5
Tloonya, I don't why I allow it, but you continue to make my blood boil. From what you type, you sound like someone that has a lot of your own issues to work out and could benefit from some serious soul searching and mental health intervention. But that's for you to figure out. You don't know anything about my wife beyond what I've typed here and have no right to call her a slut. You continue to railroad and hijack this thread for your own selfish purposes. I'd prefer you 'get lost' but realize this is what I open myself up to by posting to an anonymous internet forum. Many other have posted useful insights and for the time being, I'm willing to put up with the rest. You are not the only one, aba. And I do. Have issues. But I do not want to work them out. I love my issues. And I had never said your wife is a slut. I said it is description of one. Put me on ignore and I won't bother you. Unless you feeling I am right about some things...
|
|
taz157
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 20:50:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,936
|
Post by taz157 on May 8, 2014 11:23:57 GMT -5
Tloonya, I don't why I allow it, but you continue to make my blood boil. From what you type, you sound like someone that has a lot of your own issues to work out and could benefit from some serious soul searching and mental health intervention. But that's for you to figure out. You don't know anything about my wife beyond what I've typed here and have no right to call her a slut. You continue to railroad and hijack this thread for your own selfish purposes. I'd prefer you 'get lost' but realize this is what I open myself up to by posting to an anonymous internet forum. Many other have posted useful insights and for the time being, I'm willing to put up with the rest. Thanks. Most of us are here for you. Regardless of your definition of a good outcome on this, we want you to seek it and find it and make it happen. Yeah that! FWIW, I can handle Tlooney much better on ignore.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 9, 2024 12:23:31 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 8, 2014 11:33:08 GMT -5
OP back. Things have kind of turned a 180 the last couple of days. I think reality is finally hitting my wife. She suddenly wants to work things out and change a lot of her behaviors. Maybe the future we had sounds a lot better than what she's been doing. The guy pretty much admitted he saw no future between them. Earlier post: Abababa, I'm going to be really honest. I think talking is very powerful and useful, but I also rely a lot on actions and body language to tell how things truly stand in vital situations. If words and actions don't match, and a lot is on the line, I trust actions and body language levels above words. Without knowing the full details, the bolded stuff above would would pop some serious warning flags for me personally. That it took a couple days for her to come around to trying and being serious, and part of the current equation is that the other guy said that your wife and him had no future together. The combination seems rocky to me, especially if her long standing personality is such that she kind of enjoys the thrill of the chase and lots of attention. People are diverse, a good number do just like hunting more than having. The recent words and recent actions are jarring, it sounds like. I think you're considering things well, getting counseling, sorting feelings out and taking stuff one day at a time. Trying to do things carefully. I do worry though, since the posted timeline and circumstances don't give an encouraging reading for sincerity from what I can tell. This is just my assessment, so please take this with a good dose of salt. I can't judge the situation, only you can, but I guess... being a cautious person I think I'd move slowly, watching for maybe clear actions, given what's been posted. Money where the mouth is, so to speak. Good luck with this, whichever direction you go
|
|
tloonya
Junior Associate
What status?
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 16:22:13 GMT -5
Posts: 8,452
|
Post by tloonya on May 8, 2014 11:43:00 GMT -5
Thanks. Most of us are here for you. Regardless of your definition of a good outcome on this, we want you to seek it and find it and make it happen. Yeah that! FWIW, I can handle Tlooney much better on ignore. If I could only ignore myself
|
|
greeniis10
Well-Known Member
Joined: May 9, 2012 12:27:09 GMT -5
Posts: 1,834
Member is Online
|
Post by greeniis10 on May 8, 2014 11:43:39 GMT -5
Abababa, sounds like you've made some breakthroughs, so good for you! Yes, your wife does need to get to the root of her behaviors but she has to change for HER, not just to save your marriage. So, if she doesn't change or relapses, please know that's not YOUR fault, nor is it because she doesn't love you "enough". It means that she needs to make permanent changes in order to have ANY healthy relationships. Good luck!
And, as usual, things are getting out of hand simply because Tloonya uses words or phrases that the majority of us wouldn't, but it doesn't mean she's mean or malicious. Simply a misunderstanding of language at times.
|
|
abababa
New Member
Joined: May 5, 2014 19:55:18 GMT -5
Posts: 11
|
Post by abababa on May 8, 2014 12:12:19 GMT -5
OP back. Things have kind of turned a 180 the last couple of days. I think reality is finally hitting my wife. She suddenly wants to work things out and change a lot of her behaviors. Maybe the future we had sounds a lot better than what she's been doing. The guy pretty much admitted he saw no future between them.Abababa, I'm going to be really honest. I think talking is very powerful and useful, but I also rely a lot on actions and body language to tell how things truly stand in vital situations. If words and actions don't match, and a lot is on the line, I trust actions and body language levels above words. Without knowing the full details, the bolded stuff above would would pop some serious warning flags for me personally. That it took a couple days for her to come around to trying and being serious, and part of the current equation is that the other guy said that your wife and him had no future together. I agree. Part of it was that I was trying to take things too fast right at first when I went into desperation mode and now maybe she's doing a bit of the same on her end. I comforted her on the issue of the breakup with the other guy. I asked her if things would be a lot different right now if he said he loved her and wanted to be with her, yada, yada, yada. It made her uncomfortable, sure. I have no doubt that it caused the more immediate 180 and if she hadn't gotten her own kick in the gut from him, she probably would have waffled much longer. She has stopped being defensive. She's taken the passwords off her phone and computer and it trying to be much more honest. She hasn't gotten to the stage of openly volunteering information and maybe I'm not even ready for that either. I've kind of gone into uber focused mode on me, her and us. I'm pretty good at focusing all of my energy on basically one thing and ignoring everything else. No, not healthy either. I was doing it with work before. It was my coping mechanism when I sensed issues with our marriage. Now I've completely put work on hold and I'm spending all my time and energy processing what's happened. Hopefully I don't get fired in the meantime...
|
|
NomoreDramaQ1015
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
Posts: 48,086
Member is Online
|
Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on May 8, 2014 12:14:18 GMT -5
She hasn't gotten to the stage of openly volunteering information and maybe I'm not even ready for that either.
If it were me I'd save that for counseling. Having a neutral third party there to keep the conversation on course really helps.
|
|
NancysSummerSip
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 19:19:42 GMT -5
Posts: 36,691
Today's Mood: Full of piss and vinegar
Favorite Drink: Anything with ice
Member is Online
|
Post by NancysSummerSip on May 8, 2014 12:17:42 GMT -5
Abababa, I'm going to be really honest. I think talking is very powerful and useful, but I also rely a lot on actions and body language to tell how things truly stand in vital situations. If words and actions don't match, and a lot is on the line, I trust actions and body language levels above words. Without knowing the full details, the bolded stuff above would would pop some serious warning flags for me personally. That it took a couple days for her to come around to trying and being serious, and part of the current equation is that the other guy said that your wife and him had no future together. I agree. Part of it was that I was trying to take things too fast right at first when I went into desperation mode and now maybe she's doing a bit of the same on her end. I comforted her on the issue of the breakup with the other guy. I asked her if things would be a lot different right now if he said he loved her and wanted to be with her, yada, yada, yada. It made her uncomfortable, sure. I have no doubt that it caused the more immediate 180 and if she hadn't gotten her own kick in the gut from him, she probably would have waffled much longer. She has stopped being defensive. She's taken the passwords off her phone and computer and it trying to be much more honest. She hasn't gotten to the stage of openly volunteering information and maybe I'm not even ready for that either. I've kind of gone into uber focused mode on me, her and us. I'm pretty good at focusing all of my energy on basically one thing and ignoring everything else. No, not healthy either. I was doing it with work before. It was my coping mechanism when I sensed issues with our marriage. Now I've completely put work on hold and I'm spending all my time and energy processing what's happened. Hopefully I don't get fired in the meantime... If you are close to your boss, or feel that you can trust him/her enough, you can let them know what's up at home. Not all the gory details, mind you. Just enough to let the boss know you aren't involved in something else that has your attention. But that's your call. And yes, I agree on the kick-in-the-gut to your wife. Same thing happened to my friend's wife. She headed off to be with the boyfriend, only to get his door slammed in her face. He thought of her as a fun fling, not a lifetime commitment, and told her so. Ouch. She ended up marrying someone else a bit later. She and current hubby are still together, but I'm told it is not a happy relationship. I think he's just a port in the storm until she finds someone else.
|
|
mmhmm
Administrator
It's a great pity the right of free speech isn't based on the obligation to say something sensible.
Joined: Dec 25, 2010 18:13:34 GMT -5
Posts: 31,770
Today's Mood: Saddened by Events
Location: Memory Lane
Favorite Drink: Water
|
Post by mmhmm on May 8, 2014 12:26:02 GMT -5
Tloonya, I don't why I allow it, but you continue to make my blood boil. From what you type, you sound like someone that has a lot of your own issues to work out and could benefit from some serious soul searching and mental health intervention. But that's for you to figure out. You don't know anything about my wife beyond what I've typed here and have no right to call her a slut. You continue to railroad and hijack this thread for your own selfish purposes. I'd prefer you 'get lost' but realize this is what I open myself up to by posting to an anonymous internet forum. Many other have posted useful insights and for the time being, I'm willing to put up with the rest. Abababa, you can put Tloonya on Ignore. That way, you won't have to read it. Go to her Profile by clicking on her user name. Then, click on the little cogwheel icon to the far right. Choose Block Poster from the dropdown menu. You can then post without the annoyance.
|
|
abababa
New Member
Joined: May 5, 2014 19:55:18 GMT -5
Posts: 11
|
Post by abababa on May 8, 2014 12:31:53 GMT -5
We have both begun to process some of the why, both together and separately. I don't know if any of you remember, but I posted a long rambling topic a few months ago about my wife stagnating in grad school (phd program) and it causing strain in our relationship. I'm not very good at searching old threads and that account was deleted at some point, so I didn't find it. Anyhow, I think it was a few months ago which would have been shortly after the affair started. I was clearly aware that something was wrong but was way off.
It bugs me now, but I even remember a couple of posters mentioning that she could be depressed and may need some mental health intervention. I brushed it off and said she had a very active social life and was happy person...well, turns out that was her putting on a front. She has struggled through grad school and developed a lot of insecurities as a result, and did become depressed. While she may have always been flirty and attention-craved around men, it wasn't until the grad school issues, insecurities and depression that she crossed that line and starting losing sight of boundaries. That's when she let go of her moral compass, her respect for our marriage, her respect for me, etc, etc.
I want to help her and do still love her. I can't help but feel partially responsible for not being more supportive of her through grad school. At the same time, I don't want to get hurt again. I don't want to get sucked in only to be devastated again. I'm really terrified of that.
|
|