tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Feb 11, 2014 15:48:33 GMT -5
Supervisers however behaving very well after yelling/cursing/treats etc. They return your money, refund you for more time then you originally anticipated to be refunded for, sending you gift certificates and calling your conversation 'delightful' and begging too call again anytime. I once was nearly getting manager's cell phone number. It was my cc processing center, we were almost related at the end.And you make yourself look like an ass in the end. <shrug> I can't remember the last time I needed to act like an ass (yelling or cursing) to get my point across and get what I came for (usually a refund or service done correctly), and in my experience it backfires....exactly what happened at the airport to the guy ahead of me. Are you aware of the fact that some people are more emotional than others? You said you can't remember. So you had in past? And now memory not as strong as it used to be, right?
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Feb 11, 2014 15:52:05 GMT -5
I never understood why people chose to homeschool their children. I was always worrying about lack of socialization and stuff like that. I totally get it now. Way too many landmines. I'd probably choose to do it myself. That way, if I acted crazy one day, I wouldn't have to worry about me treating my kid differently the next.
Kudos to all of you who navigate the mine field so well. I have it easy (except for the nail-clipping vet appointments). NONONO! Listen, my DD went to school happy and still happy as a college student. You just need me to go with you when you are ready. I'll take care all of it for you from the start! You just let them know at the first parent/teacher conference that you expect A LOT from them and you will be there for them if needed. Firmly, calmly...and you will be happy mother with happy child in best public school!
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Feb 11, 2014 15:55:34 GMT -5
Supervisers however behaving very well after yelling/cursing/treats etc. They return your money, refund you for more time then you originally anticipated to be refunded for, sending you gift certificates and calling your conversation 'delightful' and begging too call again anytime. I once was nearly getting manager's cell phone number. It was my cc processing center, we were almost related at the end.And you make yourself look like an ass in the end. <shrug> I can't remember the last time I needed to act like an ass (yelling or cursing) to get my point across and get what I came for (usually a refund or service done correctly), and in my experience it backfires....exactly what happened at the airport to the guy ahead of me. Are you aware of the fact that some people are more emotional than others? You said you can't remember. So you had in past? And now memory not as strong as it used to be, right? Being emotional is not the same as being an ass.
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Feb 11, 2014 15:56:39 GMT -5
Are you aware of the fact that some people are more emotional than others? You said you can't remember. So you had in past? And now memory not as strong as it used to be, right? Being emotional is not the same as being an ass. Did you just called me an ass?
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Green Eyed Lady
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Post by Green Eyed Lady on Feb 11, 2014 15:57:34 GMT -5
I never understood why people chose to homeschool their children. I was always worrying about lack of socialization and stuff like that. I totally get it now. Way too many landmines. I'd probably choose to do it myself. That way, if I acted crazy one day, I wouldn't have to worry about me treating my kid differently the next.
Kudos to all of you who navigate the mine field so well. I have it easy (except for the nail-clipping vet appointments). NONONO! Listen, my DD went to school happy and still happy as a college student. You just need me to go with you when you are ready. I'll take care all of it for you from the start! You just let them know at the first parent/teacher conference that you expect A LOT from them and you will be there for them if needed. Firmly, calmly...and you will be happy mother with happy child in best public school! LOL!! That would be fun, indeed! Looney and Gel against the world! They'd never be the same.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Feb 11, 2014 16:00:10 GMT -5
I have it easy (except for the nail-clipping vet appointments).
Let's say the vet accidently cuts to the quick when trimming the nails. How long do you think you'll remain a client if you yell and threaten to have his license revoked?
Being a calm rational person applies to any type of situation/conflict.
Yelling and issuing threats doesn't get you very far, especially if you do it repeatedly. If every issue is a major one people will adjust to your normal and no longer respond. You're up a shit creek if an actual major issue happens because you've used up all your ammo on the minor stuff.
Politics are in play everywhere you go. I'm not going to get much cooperation if I yell every time a student makes a mistake. I'm also not going to look good if I constantly run to my boss about every minor issue.
I save the raised voice/talking to my boss for when it counts. Those are my weapons to get across how serious something is. If I do it everytime the effectivness of those tools is lost.
Same thing applies when dealing with Gwen's teachers or anyone else I need to do business with for that matter. I want things solved in the fastest and most efficent way possible and ideally by working together. I do not escalate things unless the peaceful route fails or the situation is serious enough it calls for bypassing several steps.
I leave the bitching/teeth knashing for private time behind closed doors. It's not that I never yell/swear, I swear like a sailor when I'm mad all the time. It's I don't turn to those modes of expression to solve the problem.
ETA: and we all have our moments where we overreact. In those scenarios you apologize and move on ASAP. You don't continue to conduct business that way. That's when you become the "problem" parent/employee/client.
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milee
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Post by milee on Feb 11, 2014 16:07:55 GMT -5
You are not saying that unfortunate kids who have crazy parents will be not thought as well as kids of TPO clique? Because it is sound exactly what you are saying. And how about those kids who's parents I had not seen in my DDs school years...ever? That is exactly what I am saying. Schools aren't run by automated computers, they are run by people. People who have a huge amount of influence over how things work for your kid. Just a few examples:
1. For next year, if this is a school with more than one second grade class, which teacher/class will your child be assigned to? Every school has strong teachers and weak teachers and every parent wants their child in the class of the strong teachers. How does that happen? This process isn't random nor is it done by completely objective computer algorithms, it's done by the administrators. The first kids to be assigned to the strong teachers are the ones who have the best relationship with the administrators and the kids who have a demonstrated need for that teacher's skills. Guess who gets assigned to the crappy teachers?
2. Two kids are brought into the office after a playground scuffle. Child #1 says that child #2 hit her. Child #2 says that child #1 pushed her and called her a name. There are no witnesses and both children stick to their story. Which child do you think gets the benefit of the doubt? The kid who normally behaves well and has parents that work reasonably with the teachers and admins, that's who.
3. Assume you discover the whole incident described in the OP was a misunderstanding - the child actually didn't speak up in time, had an accident and hid the accident because she was embarrassed. The teacher knows that because she was there. She also knows you're the type of parent that goes off half-cocked before finding out the facts and that you're crazy enough to talk about involving the news over what should be a minor issue. How friendly do you think future dealings with that teacher are going to be? Teachers are human and maybe she unconsciously avoids that child or grades papers slightly more harshly in the future. Or maybe she's professional enough not to do that but just doesn't go the extra mile to help that child or reach out to you with future issues or opportunities because she doesn't want to have to deal with crazy?
As for the people who you don't see in school, that can be good, bad or neutral. They may have email contact you don't see or they may just be working and not need to be involved because their child is just fine. Don't worry about them. But do worry about yourself and the problems you can cause a child for the rest of her time at the school by acting silly and destroying the relationship with the teachers and admins.
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Green Eyed Lady
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Post by Green Eyed Lady on Feb 11, 2014 16:08:45 GMT -5
I have it easy (except for the nail-clipping vet appointments).
Let's say the vet accidently cuts to the quick when trimming the nails. How long do you think you'll remain a client if you yell and threaten to have his license revoked?
Being a calm rational person applies to any type of situation/conflict.
Yelling and issuing threats doesn't get you very far, especially if you do it repeatedly. If every issue is a major one people will adjust to your normal and no longer respond. You're up a shit creek if an actual major issue happens because you've used up all your ammo on the minor stuff.
Politics are in play everywhere you go. I'm not going to get much cooperation if I yell every time a student makes a mistake. I'm also not going to look good if I constantly run to my boss about every minor issue.
I save the raised voice/talking to my boss for when it counts. Those are my weapons to get across how serious something is. If I do it everytime the effectivness of those tools is lost.
Same thing applies when dealing with Gwen's teachers or anyone else I need to do business with for that matter. I want things solved in the fastest and most efficent way possible and ideally by working together. I do not escalate things unless the peaceful route fails or the situation is serious enough it calls for bypassing several steps.
I leave the bitching/teeth knashing for private time behind closed doors. It's not that I never yell/swear, I swear like a sailor when I'm mad all the time. It's I don't turn to those modes of expression to solve the problem. If the vet hurt my dog, my dog would eat him. I wouldn't have to do a thing. Seriously, of course I understand and agree with what you are saying. It's always better to deal with an issue in a calm and rational manner. However, I don't do that in every single instance and if anybody here says they have never lost their temper, I won't believe it for one minute. I can see that happening (for me) if I thought my child was being mistreated. Not saying it's right - just saying I can understand it.
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Green Eyed Lady
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Post by Green Eyed Lady on Feb 11, 2014 16:09:27 GMT -5
Sorry, Drama. I didn't see your "ETA" until after I posted. We said the same thing basically.
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moon/Laura
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Post by moon/Laura on Feb 11, 2014 16:17:39 GMT -5
though I don't see how any of what you wrote is relevant to whats in bold...I want to say that I am not usually the one to start. When I pick up the phone and I am asked to talk about energy rates I am politely (almost sexy) asking them 'would you, please, remove this phone number from your database?' and 1 out of 10 will apologize and hang up. However 9 out of 10 will try to continue the conversation trying to change my mind. Must I tell you how this is ending? It is not PG13..... <stuff i'm not addressing has been removed> Supervisers however behaving very well after yelling/cursing/treats etc. They return your money, refund you for more time then you originally anticipated to be refunded for, sending you gift certificates and calling your conversation 'delightful' and begging too call again anytime. so you have a habit of verbally abusing people in real life too? i guess that explains why you think it's ok to do it here!
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Feb 11, 2014 16:20:03 GMT -5
though I don't see how any of what you wrote is relevant to whats in bold...I want to say that I am not usually the one to start. When I pick up the phone and I am asked to talk about energy rates I am politely (almost sexy) asking them 'would you, please, remove this phone number from your database?' and 1 out of 10 will apologize and hang up. However 9 out of 10 will try to continue the conversation trying to change my mind. Must I tell you how this is ending? It is not PG13..... <stuff i'm not addressing has been removed> Supervisers however behaving very well after yelling/cursing/treats etc. They return your money, refund you for more time then you originally anticipated to be refunded for, sending you gift certificates and calling your conversation 'delightful' and begging too call again anytime. so you have a habit of verbally abusing people in real life too? i guess that explains why you think it's ok to do it here! What are you talking about? I was just being called schizophrenic and ass. I do not recall calling ANY ONE here names like that!!! And as I said NO, I do not go off on people until they go off on me. Defense only!
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milee
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Post by milee on Feb 11, 2014 16:21:45 GMT -5
Also I had learned for years is that when you are talking to customer service people it is almost 99% of the times you will have to ask them to get to a superviser because if issue is little more complicated than 'my balance please' a lots of operators are becoming useless. Supervisers however behaving very well after yelling/cursing/treats etc. They return your money, refund you for more time then you originally anticipated to be refunded for, sending you gift certificates and calling your conversation 'delightful' and begging too call again anytime.
Sorry, I'm laughing so hard it's difficult to post. You do realize that dealing with the public school system staffed by people who have union protection and rock solid job security is slightly different than dealing with a "customer service" oriented company who wants you to do business with them, right?
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Feb 11, 2014 16:25:46 GMT -5
Being emotional is not the same as being an ass. Did you just called me an ass? No. The example Mich gave was someone being an ass. You said some people are more emotional than others. I said being emotional is not the same as being an ass.
I am a very emotional person. I cry at the drop of a hat, I'm ready to fight when someone implies I'm a liar or not doing my job, but being emotional doesn't give a right to be an ass to someone else.
ETA:
I've had moments when I have lost control over my emotions when talking to my boss. The last time I really lost it, I knew it was unreasonable and I kept trying to get them under control and I couldn't do it and I walked out on my boss trying to bring myself under control and even though I worked with him for 7+ years at that point, he was very unhappy with me and called me unprofessional. It was not a good moment.
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Feb 11, 2014 16:26:41 GMT -5
One of the things you learn as a parent is that what you do and say will impact your child. Other kids won't be allowed to befriend yours if their parents don't want to deal with you. Teachers will treat your child differently if you're one of those parents. Coaches will blacklist your kid if you're one of those parents. Seen that one a LOT, but sports parents be extra crazy. You have to pick your battles and be rational in how you approach problems. For routine things, it's almost always a bad idea to go full on nuclear crazy as the first option.
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moon/Laura
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Post by moon/Laura on Feb 11, 2014 16:38:00 GMT -5
No one actually called you schizophrenic, loony. they said that school personnel wouldn't know "if Loony even knows this child or is a schizophrenic off her meds." - meaning they don't know you from Adam. They don't know anything about you. You could be anyone off the street - and yes, possibly appear mentally ill in their eyes. but no one actually said that you were schizophrenic. they only said how you might be viewed by the school if you went in on a rampage you said you were going to do.
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sarcasticgirl
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Post by sarcasticgirl on Feb 11, 2014 16:41:45 GMT -5
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Feb 11, 2014 17:01:20 GMT -5
so you have a habit of verbally abusing people in real life too? i guess that explains why you think it's ok to do it here! What are you talking about? I was just being called schizophrenic and ass. I do not recall calling ANY ONE here names like that!!! And as I said NO, I do not go off on people until they go off on me. Defense only! As I told you in PMs, tloonya, nobody called you a schizophrenic! Nobody has called you an ass! Yes, you have called others names, as well.
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Rocky Mtn Saver
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Post by Rocky Mtn Saver on Feb 11, 2014 17:41:37 GMT -5
I love the fact that Loony is spelling 'schizophrenic' correctly but still has the word 'tomato' misspelled in her sig....
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moon/Laura
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Post by moon/Laura on Feb 11, 2014 17:47:37 GMT -5
I do not go off on people until they go off on me. Defense only! I call BS on that one. In this very thread you said you were going to give the school hell, did you not? and what, exactly, did the school do to YOU to warrant that? not a damn thing, so there is no "defense". while it's great you were concerned about the girl, it's still not your place to give them hell.
Likewise, no salesperson is going to behave in such a manner that you should need to resort to threats, name calling and cursing. if you don't want what they're selling, you tell them "no, thank you. I'm not interested", and then you hang up. period. you do not continue to engage them in conversation beyond that and you certainly don't need to abuse them! it's them who needs defense - against you!
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Feb 11, 2014 17:47:51 GMT -5
Look. If there was a problem. Mom should address it. Talk to the teacher, talk to the Principal etc. But, nowadays as soon as anything happens everyone goes apeshite and decides the teacher is some nasty arsehole that hates kids, blah, blah. It's ridiculous.
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Rocky Mtn Saver
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Post by Rocky Mtn Saver on Feb 11, 2014 18:15:40 GMT -5
Strangely, I've never had to go all PG-13 to get a solicitor to stop talking on the phone. I seem to always have the option of hanging up on them if they don't respond to my 'not interested'. Maybe it's just my phone that offers that option. I think those phones aren't given to schizophrenics so I didn't get one, sorry. If I hanged up on them they would call again. And again. And again. They have those phones you know...that call...same number more than once if they dial. I think yours does the same, doesn't it? Do you have an ability to stop that calling back on your phone? You lucky sonoffagan! Never had to, no one seems particularly interested in calling me multiple times. They call, I say no, and that seems to be the end of it. (I did have to have the phone company block one number years ago of a strange person who called several times) Perhaps they just love to argue with you!
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Feb 11, 2014 18:19:58 GMT -5
Ooh, I miss karma.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Feb 11, 2014 18:37:25 GMT -5
You know what? Nobody will allow an honest mistake. Every one wants a pound of flesh. Nobody will graciouly accept an apology. One time at Walmart I accidentally dinged someones car. The lady happened to be coming out. I went and told apologetically what happened , that I would take car of it via my insurance etc. This woman went absolutely apeshite screaming at me. This was years ago and I was young and I just burst into tears. Then she calmed down and I took care of it. Like yeah I purposely did that. I llearned since then that few people are reallycapable of accepting an apology anymore. And if u do try to truly apologize the person will then just launch into anothed diatribe all over again.
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Formerly SK
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Post by Formerly SK on Feb 11, 2014 18:47:18 GMT -5
This is a totally serious and non-judgmental question. As mentioned, I don't have kids and there is a whole lot I don't know when it comes to stuff like this. So here it is: Do you guys really worry that much about what the teachers and administrators talk about in regards to you and your parenting styles? Does what they may say amongst themselves factor into your decisions on what you choose to bring to the table? Do you eally worry so much about what they think of you? Absofreakinglutely.
Teachers and administrators are people, too. Most are professionals but all are people and form judgments based on their interactions with the parents. If you demonstrate that you are a parent that is rational and seeks to solve problems then over time, you and your child receive much better treatment and action than if you give off crazy or overreactive signals.
Not just in problem solving, but there are dozens of things in which the personal feeling of teachers and admins either makes your child's school experience more or less enjoyable. Classroom assignments, teacher assignments, subjective grades, presenting opportunities, mentoring, solving disputes between students are just a few of the examples of things in which the personal judgment of teachers and administrators come into play.
Be professional and reasonable and your child's experience - and, most importantly - your effectiveness is greatly improved. Act crazy and it's not only much harder for you to get things done but every single future judgment call is likely to go against you rather than for you.
x 1000. I work in an elementary school. Sure a parent can raise a ruckus over something, but we all remember that the woman was crazy and it often means we distance ourselves from the child to protect ourselves from craziness. Unfortunately, this means the child may not get chosen for things or is treated with cool professionalism rather than a nurturing/mentoring environment because we just don't know what will set a crazy woman off. Let me tell you, working with teachers/administrators as partners with respect and a joint mission gets you MUCH better results than anything else.
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Formerly SK
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Post by Formerly SK on Feb 11, 2014 19:03:12 GMT -5
Actually, I have a recent incident that fits this thread perfectly. The PTO (I'm a board member) held a clay class after school and we had too many kids sign up for the slots available. We specifically chose kids to attend who we knew came from helpful/nice families and told a few kids (who fell in the crazy family category) that the class was full so we couldn't accommodate them. We're too overworked and stressed running PTO events to deal with parent drama.
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