whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Feb 23, 2011 9:17:16 GMT -5
Wow, there you go being snarky again, all people were trying to do is help you and point out how you come off. No one was lecturing you (which is SUPER unusual for YM).
I am pregnant with my 3rd and I am not overly sensitive type, but if my mother or MIL said what you did even jokingly, they wouldn't be seeing my kids too much after that.
Lena
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michelyn8
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Post by michelyn8 on Feb 23, 2011 9:33:25 GMT -5
Do you know any middle kids? It seems like of my friends that have a middle, he or she is the "problem." I was always told the middle child was the easiest one - not as bossy as the oldest and not as spoiled as the youngest. And with one exception, that's the way it seems to be in my family.
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Post by justwhoever on Feb 23, 2011 9:34:17 GMT -5
Hey wait a minute. lol I'm the middle child! At least I think so. Mom had 4 kids but the last pregnancy she had twins. They are the babies and to this day, at 26, she STILL babies them! And my older sister, well mom could have retired by now with what she has done for my sister these years.
Just cause there is a middle doesn't mean they are doomed to be a loser or whatever else. lol I clearly see what my sibs are doing and think....Please for the love of ALL things HOLY let ME be adopted!
Between my mom and dad(he's my step dad really) they have 17 or 18 grandchildren. Not entirely sure because one of those "sisters" had 3 or 4 kids but she doesn't have any of them. So I really don't know those kids at all.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 23, 2011 9:34:53 GMT -5
No, Lena, I am not the one being snarky.
Congratulations on having a third child. I am happy for you.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Feb 23, 2011 9:35:18 GMT -5
All I know is what my friends say. To me their kids all seem fine but I don't raise them.
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sheilaincali
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Post by sheilaincali on Feb 23, 2011 9:38:09 GMT -5
I am a middle kid and I hate it. My older brother got everything first because he was the oldest. My younger sister got spoiled because she was the baby. And me I was always just the family b!tch. Any time I asked for any fairness or equality I was "whining and being a brat".
Being from a family of 4 is 100% the reason that my son is an only child. To the point that DH was snipped when DS was 2 years old. Now that my kid is nearly 13 I am even more certain that having 1 kid was the right choice for me.
FWIW_ I also have 8 nieces and nephews from my 3 siblings. There are times my dad will tell me "don't get me wrong I love all the little grandkids but it's kind of nice to just hang out with your son from time to time". The grandkids that live in town with us are all under the age of 6- with the obvious exception of my kid.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Feb 23, 2011 9:38:19 GMT -5
I have thought and my BFF says that she thinks it's because they have "no place" in the family. The baby is the baby, the oldest is the oldest. She's have stopped at 2 if number 2 had been a girl. She was lucky number 3 was but her number 2 does have some issues.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 23, 2011 9:41:35 GMT -5
I am the middle and I was my parents easiest.
My older brother was a stubborn, selfish mule My younger sister was a rebellious counter-culture type. I was the good one.
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Post by Savoir Faire-Demogague in NJ on Feb 23, 2011 9:45:01 GMT -5
I am missing the issue here? Are you intimately involved in your daughter's and son's marriages, giving and ensuring they have adequate supplies of birth control devices, and discussing their plans or lack thereof of vascectomies and/or tubal ligations?
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Post by Savoir Faire-Demogague in NJ on Feb 23, 2011 9:45:44 GMT -5
I was the good one. And obviously the most narcissistic and delusional...
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sheilaincali
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Post by sheilaincali on Feb 23, 2011 9:50:37 GMT -5
As an adult I am way easier for my parents. My 40 year old brother is married with 3 kids and receives a monthly stipend from my parents. My younger brother can't brush his teeth without mommy taking him to the dentist, paying the dentist and buying the toothbrush for him. My younger sister can't buy a dvd with out getting mommy and daddy's input and having them babysit the kids.
Don't get me wrong, I like most of my siblings and love my nieces and nephews but I personally feel that they are all too needy and need to let my parents relax a bit. At least one set of grandkids is at the house nearly every day. On the weekends they are there all day every day. To the point that mom and dad have to tell them to "go home, we have dinner reservations with friends" just to get them to leave.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 23, 2011 9:57:35 GMT -5
I was the good one. And obviously the most narcissistic and delusional... But at least I am awesome!
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Feb 23, 2011 9:57:48 GMT -5
I think the middles may just get used to being ignored. My EX is one of 4 and he always as does his other middle brother felt that the 2 of them were "superfluous" children. Dad loved the oldest and mom loved the baby. Both my EX and his brother were adamant about only having 2 children because of it.
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telephus44
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Post by telephus44 on Feb 23, 2011 10:00:41 GMT -5
This is just my own, biased, personal observation - but I think once you have 3 kids, it becomes harder to have Mom work outside the home. Daycare costs for 1 or 2 are manageable, but once you have the 3rd, the daycare costs plus all the "my kid is sick/has a dentist appt/school play" etc make it much harder.
So again, my own personal, biased, opinion - moms that want to be SAHM are having more children. Moms that work outside the home stick to 1 or 2. There's obviously a lot of strong feelings behind that observation.
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cael
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Post by cael on Feb 23, 2011 10:02:40 GMT -5
Wow, uh, I think OP was simply making a point/posing a question and she got jumped on. I don't see anything wrong with her saying this to an anonymous message board, and she's already stated she did not have any ill will toward her kids or grandkids. Don't think folks should jump on someone they don't even know in person and make assumptions. That said - my DF's sister has 4 kids and I think she's insane! They are the best nephews ever
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 23, 2011 10:04:26 GMT -5
I think if a couple wants lots of kids and is willing to do what it takes to give them a good life they should do it. More aren't that much more expensive unless you use daycare or they are special needs. Ummm... college? Sure, you can tell them they're on their own and I know many people on this Board got through that way, but the cost of an education is skyrocketing, even for state schools. It would hep if you could take some of that load off your kids and it's a lot harder with more kids. DS wants to have a lot, with a SAH wife (whom he's still seeking). Since he's an only child, the more he has, the better. I'd never criticize their choices unless I could see them suffering a lot of emotional or financial stress.
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imawino
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Post by imawino on Feb 23, 2011 10:14:20 GMT -5
Susana, I do see 3 kids becoming more and more common these days. I think telephus makes a good point that is is much more common among SAHMs, but I also work with a few women who have 3. I don't know how they do it.
FWIW, I didn't read any snark in your comment at all. I thought it was fairly clear that you were joking whether 30 was too old to teach them where babies come from.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Feb 23, 2011 10:21:39 GMT -5
Probably a little of both. People have gotten so used to the idea of just 2 kids that anyone having more seems "odd" and gets joked at.
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Poppet
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Post by Poppet on Feb 23, 2011 10:27:48 GMT -5
Three kids isn't anything new. When I had my second child in the 90s dh got a vasectomy while our friends went on to have that 3rd child.
We've been happy with two. It's easy when they're babies. Changing diapers and pushing strollers is nothing. It's when they become teens and young adults and have to go out into this world and figure out how to get further educated to earn a decent living is when I start to stress.
One down, one to go. I can't imagine 3, 4, and 5 kids. I worry too much.
For the record, I am an "accidental" fourth child that was born 7,8 and 10 years apart from my siblings. As far as birth order is concerned I am "the baby" but I have a lot of only child characteristics because of the age gap.
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Urban Chicago
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Post by Urban Chicago on Feb 23, 2011 10:28:09 GMT -5
I'm the oldest of 5. I have 2 and am pretty darn sure I'm finished. A lot of times, families get away with having so many kids by dumping a lot of the work on the older children. I don't want to do that to my kids.
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kimber45
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Post by kimber45 on Feb 23, 2011 10:37:45 GMT -5
I am the youngest of 4, DH the youngest of 3. We only had one child by choice. I had a tubal when he was 10 or 12. DS is now almost 24. I have asked him if he "missed out" on anything by being an only child, and he said no. He had cousins the same age to play with, so it wasn't like he was always alone.
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misspt
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Post by misspt on Feb 23, 2011 11:24:03 GMT -5
My sister is the middle child, and while she was a PITA growing up, she is my best friend and confidante. She is also a great mom, I wouldn't trade her for anything in the world, even though she won't be on time for her own funeral........
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Waffle
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Post by Waffle on Feb 23, 2011 11:42:13 GMT -5
I am an only child and I wouldn't wish being an only child on anyone.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 23, 2011 11:49:28 GMT -5
I am an only child and I wouldn't wish being an only child on anyone. I think it depends on how you were raised, friends, etc. My wife was an only child and she loved it because she always had friends / cousins around her age; and the fact that she had her mother's attention all to herself. Tow of her cousins were only child and they both hated it. One of them already have three kids and the other one is pregnant with her first and she also wants a big family. My wife would not mind an only child also, but I want at least two so we settled on that.
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Clever Username
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Post by Clever Username on Feb 23, 2011 11:55:37 GMT -5
There is a certain economy of scale that goes along with "condensed birthing." I've got 4 girls born roughly 2 years apart. I'll tell you, clothes don't get thrown out for being outdated (at least not yet, this may be utterly unacceptable to teens). I use private school. #3 is starting and the tuition discount is dramatic. #4 will be almost free. By the book, 5 or more is free. But there are logistic challenges to achieve that.
I think of this as a major life planning scheme. Maybe the Duggers want to be parents to youngsters their whole life. I'm more goal oriented. I plan to put a fork in that one day.
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alabamagal
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Post by alabamagal on Feb 23, 2011 11:56:44 GMT -5
I personnaly believe that children are better off growing up in a large family. The "only children" that I know are generally very self centered, although I am no judging, and there are many reasons that people chose to have only 1 child. Some families that I know that have a large number of children have raised some really great kids. I have 3. That is all I want. I love the family dynamics with 3.
BTW my grandparents on my dad's side had 10 kids and 12 kids. They were not very well off and all the kids went to work at very young age. When you compare to that time 3 is not a lot.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 23, 2011 12:03:29 GMT -5
DW and I are talking about 3 kids and she even brings up 4. i would love to have a big family like that, but the $$$$ that dance in my head make it hard to concentrate on anything else.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Feb 23, 2011 12:10:26 GMT -5
I hated being an only child, personally, and while I would prefer to have two children, I'd be happier with three than with one. Growing up without any siblings bites the big one.
I would think you'd be happy with lots of grandchildren. My grandparents were always all over my parents for not having more kids. Too bad they didn't listen. Of course, now my dad says he wishes they'd had more children *headdesk*
Are you worried that there won't be enough turkey or something?
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sheilaincali
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Post by sheilaincali on Feb 23, 2011 12:13:35 GMT -5
georgiagal- With my only child we had more of an issue of him not being able to relate to groups of kids. He was so used to it being just him or one or two friends over that anything more than that overwhelmed him. Even when his cousins come for a visit (2 boys 1 and 2 years younger than him) he has to take a mental time out. He isn't used to the noise and chaos that sometimes surrounds multiple kids.
Plus he still doesn't share very well. He is ok now but when he was younger he felt like the other kids were "messing with" his stuff and playing with it wrong.
I don't know that I'd call him self centered though. I do ask him every once and a while if he wishes he had brothers or sisters and his response is always "Hell no".
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Feb 23, 2011 12:13:39 GMT -5
After being on YM for so long, I didn't think I would see a post that would surprise me, but this one just keeps making me shake my head. May be I live on a different planet, but in my world grandparents LOVER having lots of grandkids.
And the idea of not having a child, so there won't be a middle child just sounds quite bizarre to me.
Lena
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