Irritated as hell!!!

[Wisconsin Beth]

MittyKitty, I don't know how much help this is for you.

When my kids were in an unlicensed, home dcp we paid $25 a day per kid.  So $50 a day for a total of $250 a week, payable on Fridays.  Kids could be dropped off anytime after 7am and needed to be picked up before 6.  My parents lived across the street and if I was going to be later than 5pmish, I'd ask my Mom to walk over and get the kids.  DCP had multiple kids of her own and child seats, so if she needed to go somewhere with the kids, it was ok.  Or she could leave them with my parents if necessary.  Rarely, she'd have her oldest DD watch them.  I wasn't so comfortable with this but it was usually 20-30 minutes at the end of the day. 

My DCP was being paid around $2K a month to watch 4 kids M-F.  I provided milk/formula for mine but once they hit solids, she took care of feeding them.  I doubt she spent more than a couple hundred bucks a month of food/new toys. 

There's being nice and there's being a pushover/wuss.  You're being a wuss with this.  Figure out what you want to charge/need to make and what rules you want (there's a list of questions to ask a dcp when you're interviewing them buried in the parent thread on WIR, I'll try to find it and you can work backwards with it), tack up a flyer at church or the grocery store.  Find a responsible parent who will be grateful for reasonably priced summer day care and replace this lady.  Your health is important to your child(ren) and your DH as well as yourself.  Find something that works for YOUR family. 

[michelyn8]

Still on page one but I have to say this.  Other than the stop to get high, I'm not seeing an issue other than you bit off more than you expected. 

The time the child is with you is actually about normal where I live if the parent works a standard 8 hour day. When my kids had a sitter, I dropped them off at 7:30, drove another 15-20 minutes to work (and I worked within 10 miles of the sitter), worked 8-5 sometimes having to stay past 5, and usually picked up the kids by 5:30 (6 if I had to stay late). 

I understand you're just helping out this time, but if you are really considering being a daycare provider for the extra money, then be prepared for it to be a real job with long hours and not like the babysitting you may have done in high school

[MarleyKeezy78]

DH just told me to give her a months notice and not to worry about it  Thank God!!! I am going to figure out how to tell her and do it on Friday I think. I already feel the stress lifting. I feel bad but really need to get my life back in order.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Admittedly, this was overkill. 

1. What are the fees for daily care, same as what's on the website? If we don't need 3 days a week, is there a fee?


2. What's the process to get on a waitlist?


3. Will we be able to start on 1/30/12? At this point, we’re looking for 3 months or so. Is that feasible?


4. How do you handle having someone other than a parent pick up the kids?


5. How much notice do you need for adding a day or cancelling a day?


6. How do you handle holidays like Easter?


7. We know you're teaching faith, how in depth are you going?


8. What's the drill if we're late picking the kids up?


9. What's the curriculum?


10. How often do we need to bring supplies in? We have 1 in diapers and 1 that's not potty trained at naptime but is ok for the rest of the day. Can we keep a change of clothes there in case of accidents?


11. Do we need to pack lunch/snack? Supplies for the classroom?


12. How do you communicate issues to us? Written documentation? Email? Phone calls?


13. What type of correction methods do you use?

Things to look for:
smell, cleanliness not like making sure toys are picked up but floor dirt/dust that kind of thing.
ask about their toy sanitizing policy
nap schedule and what do they do if they wont nap
outside policy (required to go out at least 2 times a day per weather)
tv watching (sounds crazy, but some centers use it a lot)
what do they provide/what do you provide
hours
pay monday or Friday
vacation/days off schedule for you and the center
Education of teachers.
Then when looking at the centers, just note how the teachers interact with the kids. are they sitting by themselves or on the floor or what.
how are their ratio's looking while there
do the kids seem happy.
another thing you can do is ask for a couple parent references to call as well.
you can ask to see any inspection report if you do not see it, it must be posted. many will be violated for something but usually good ones it is always something stupid, maybe not sanitizing well enough after changing a diaper (I admit I didn't do it as required by state unless they showed up..they have you spray the table, wipe, put child on, put on gloves, change, take child off, wash their hands and yours with soap and water, then spray the table again with bleach and then repeat again for next child.)
If I think of anything else, I will let you know but this is what I can think of off hand.

[MarleyKeezy78]

Thank you Beth! See that is way more than I want to deal with. I am just a SAHM who wanted a side job and it's much more than I can deal with five days a week. 

[Wisconsin Beth]

Yeah, I wasn't sure if it would help or not but figured WTH. 

[zibazinski]

I think you'd be perfect for those occasional jobs especially if you are willing to babysit seniors. HUGE market there for temp/occasional work and the pay is good. Plus, the people you are giving respite to are so appreciative. DFs aunt does not want to drag dementia husband to various appts. Nothing like listening to him constantly call her name when he isn't calling yoo hoo constantly to raise her and anyone else's blood pressure. She has him in daycare 3 half days a week and trying for 4. In the meantime she hires people to watch him so she can escape.

[Sum Dum Gai]

I will continue to watch the baby as I promised.

I know I'm really late to respond to this, but did you actually promise her anything, or did you agree to a business arrangement that's no longer working out for you?  The two aren't even remotely the same thing.

She's paying you $2 an hour to watch her child.  You don't owe her anything.  Unless you really did promise, pinky swear, spit and shake hands, or whatever.  I'm guessing it didn't go down like that though.

[Deleted]

Why wait till Friday? It won't be easier on Friday, and this way you "get it over with". 

[MarleyKeezy78]

Dark there is no contract or anything, we just agreed I would watch him during the week. I just can't take the constant crying and screaming any longer, he's the fussiest baby I have ever met! I certainly didn't think this through in the begining as well as I should have. I don't want to have to deal with the pot thing either. God forbid anything happened and someone came to talk to me. Not something I want to deal with. The more. I look at things the more I see this is not the right fit.

[Sum Dum Gai]

I'm still trying to wrap my head around watching a kid for $2 an hour.  Watching a baby sucks.  There are plenty of easier ways to earn $2 an hour.  Open an Etsy store and sell little crafty stuff.  You won't make much, but you aren't making much now.  Doing needlepoint, making buttons, knitting, making chainmail jewelry, or whatever, all sound way better than watching a fussy baby if the pay is going to be a couple bucks an hour either way.

I could maybe see watching the kid if you were getting a real wage for it, say $10 an hour or more, but doing it for peanuts... forget it.  Worst job ever.

I'm not a baby person though.  I didn't even like my own kids much until they were old enough to walk.  

[Shooby]

A month's notice for a $2 hr job? Seriously. Some professional positions don't require a month notice. But you have all the info u need. Personally I wouldn't waste another minute of my life let alone a month . She showed you who she is, believe her.

[Deleted]

"A month's notice for a $2 hr job? Seriously. Some professional positions don't require a month notice. But you have all the info u need. Personally I wouldn't waste another minute of my life let alone a month . She showed you who she is, believe her."


The notice is not related to pay at all. She tried to do a good deed, it back fired. There is no reason to put the mom in a bad spot after trying to do a good deed. If it is too little notice, she may not find a daycare, may need to stay home with the baby, who knows may lose her job and that would not do her or the baby any good. While it is not the OP's responsibility to make sure they are taken care of, she started out with the intentions of a good deed, no need to be a jerk all of a sudden and say you are on your own starting next week. Also, she never voiced her disappointments/complaints so for all we know the mom is just clueless. 

[Shooby]

I understand she was doing a good deed. But I don't think she is being a "jerk" to tell stoned mom goodbye tomorrow or 3 days from now.

[Deleted]

I agree with Shooby to some extent, a month is too long. If you give her a month, my fear is that she will feel no sense of urgency, and so you'll STILL be doing it after that. I'd give her two weeks. If she is REALLY looking and it takes a week or two longer to set things up, I'd probably cave. 

I asked you a question, MK, and I'm curious about an answer. Why are you waiting till Friday? What will change between now and then? You've apparently already decided you're done (with your DH's encouragement), so why wait?!

PLEASE trust me, the sooner you tell her, the faster she can find another arrangement, and the better you will feel, getting this off your chest. 

You owe it to your family to put a stop to this, yesterday, even if you don't seem to think YOU deserve for it to be over. I think Zib had an excellent suggestion, you could do occasional elder care, or even occasional child care.

If you charged normal rates, you wouldn't be working for $2 per hour for 50+ hours per week, you'd have days off, and you'd either earn more money and / or work fewer hours, or both. You could probably make that much in 2 days a week. AND, you'd have time to look for a "real job" for Sept when your child goes to K. 

Plus, you'd have people on their best behavior, hoping you'd continue to be available for them. No more of these "friends of friends" picking up pot first, and then their baby. 

[Deleted]

MK, IF you decide to change your policy, and do occasional work, here is my best advice ... for free LOL. 

You've done undercharging somebody. It didn't work out very well for you. 

So now, OVERCHARGE (slightly). Charge a dollar or two OVER the going rate for occasional care. Or even more, and offer to provide breakfast / lunch / snacks.  

If you do this, I PROMISE that once word gets out, you will earn the same amount in just 2 days a week. 

Good luck! 

[Shooby]

And amazingly if you charge more people will value you more. We humans are a funny lot. I found that when I tried to give stuff to people they really didn't want it. But if you sell it, they do.

[taz157]

When DD was a baby, I did have a SAHM watch her during the day as her kids where in school at the time.  We paid $10/hr with a max of $400/wk and DD was an "easy" baby.  We gave her 9 week notice (agreed to 1 year verbally and we were ending it early) that we needed to change our provider due to cost.  She gave me 9 hour notice that she was done.    In the end, I took DD to work with me for half a day, then was on vacation the following week due to DCP's pre-arranged vacation.  Fortunately, I had already checked with where she was going to make sure she could start 8 weeks earlier than expected.  In the end, it worked out.  The same will for her too.

Personally, I think a 2 week notice is more than sufficient and tell her ASAP.

Good luck. 

[zibazinski]

2 weeks is plenty and tell her tomorrow.

[ZaireinHD]

Jan 27, 2014 16:15:52 GMT -5 MarleyKeezy78 said:

Dark there is no contract or anything, we just agreed I would watch him during the week. I just can't take the constant crying and screaming any longer, he's the fussiest baby I have ever met! I certainly didn't think this through in the begining as well as I should have. I don't want to have to deal with the pot thing either. God forbid anything happened and someone came to talk to me. Not something I want to deal with. The more. I look at things the more I see this is not the right fit.

yes exactly!

Best Wishes and hope once this is over you can get back to feeling better. as I understand it you will not have contact with her anymore, so that will help as well.

out of sight out of mind

[MarleyKeezy78]

My reason to tell her on friday is so she can mull things over on the weekend and not worry for the rest of the week. Waiting a few days will not kill me even if it's a bit stressful but giving it time to sink in when she is not preocupied by work will hopefully get the ball rolling for her to start looking for something else. If she can find something right away, great! Maybe I am to nice but I can't help it, I have always been this way. As long as I am getting out I don't care. Soon I will have my life back.
I find it sad that I was taught to work hard and be rewarded and a lot of jobs I have had I worked my ass off and it was never good enough. Only one I ever had was the best place ever and I would still be there if they were still in business. Now to move on and focus on my family.

[Shooby]

Well put this chapter behind you and another lesson learned.

[resolution]

I would just give her the two week (or month) notice today and be done with it.

If I had a baby and needed to find new day care, I would want to find out during the week when things were open so I could call around and check prices, try to find the new care, etc. It would drive me crazy to find out on a Friday evening when everything was going to be closed for two days.

[zibazinski]

Two weeks and be gone the day or not answer door when the two weeks are up. Yes, she needs to start looking TODAY. Daycare isn't easy and it sure isn't cheap. She's going to find out what she lost very quickly.

[Shooby]

Jan 28, 2014 8:01:30 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

Two weeks and be gone the day or not answer door when the two weeks are up. Yes, she needs to start looking TODAY. Daycare isn't easy and it sure isn't cheap. She's going to find out what she lost very quickly.

It really doesn't matter if that lady does or doesn't.   It isn't MK's problem to solve. She gave her notice, case closed. Whatever Pot Mom does or doesn't do is her problem not MK's.  Don't even waste your time thinking about that.

[Deleted]

It would drive me crazy to find out on a Friday evening when everything was going to be closed for two days.

Exactly.

[MarleyKeezy78]

It's not like I am telling her  friday is my last day! She can research over the weekend for places and call on monday then. And aren't some daycares open on the weekend? I mean some parents work weekends too right?

[Shooby]

Jan 28, 2014 10:24:32 GMT -5 @debthaven2 said:

It would drive me crazy to find out on a Friday evening when everything was going to be closed for two days.

Exactly.

Tough taters.  Don't show up stoned to pick your kid late.  Not HER problem.  Wow. 

[midjd]

Jan 28, 2014 10:47:33 GMT -5 Shooby said:

Jan 28, 2014 10:24:32 GMT -5 @debthaven2 said:

It would drive me crazy to find out on a Friday evening when everything was going to be closed for two days.

Exactly.

Tough taters.  Don't show up stoned to pick your kid late.  Not HER problem.  Wow. 

Just because it's not her problem doesn't mean she needs to make things unnecessarily difficult for "pot mom," particularly since it sounds like she hasn't given "pot mom" much, if any, notice that she is dissatisfied with the arrangement.

Yes, this woman is paying waaay below market rate, and she is smoking around her child, but she is still entitled to reasonable notice (particularly as any replacement daycare will be substantially more expensive.)

[Deleted]

Jan 28, 2014 11:25:56 GMT -5 midjd said:

Jan 28, 2014 10:47:33 GMT -5 Shooby said:

Tough taters.  Don't show up stoned to pick your kid late.  Not HER problem.  Wow. 

Just because it's not her problem doesn't mean she needs to make things unnecessarily difficult for "pot mom," particularly since it sounds like she hasn't given "pot mom" much, if any, notice that she is dissatisfied with the arrangement.

Yes, this woman is paying waaay below market rate, and she is smoking around her child, but she is still entitled to reasonable notice (particularly as any replacement daycare will be substantially more expensive.)

she's paying the rate that miss kitty asked for....not mom's problem that miss kitty didn't set her rate high enough