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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Jan 25, 2014 9:18:56 GMT -5
If this mom has enough money to buy pot, she has enough to pay you a surcharge when she is late.
I would tell her that she gets one delay each week, and any additional delays you are going to charge $20/hour extra, and it is not going to be prorated.
You are still charging way under market rates, helping her, but attempting to stop her from taking advantage of you. Quite frankly, 2 emergency meeting each week after hours sounds rather suspicious to me.
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resolution
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Post by resolution on Jan 25, 2014 9:29:11 GMT -5
I would just give her two weeks notice to terminate, just like any other job. And call CPS on the drug use since there is a good chance you are a mandatory reporter.
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MarleyKeezy78
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Post by MarleyKeezy78 on Jan 25, 2014 9:38:52 GMT -5
The emergency meeting only happened this week, but after I took took the job she told me she had to stay late two days a week and no compensation for that. But I can see where this is headed, more and more late days. I tried to be cool about the pot but I am starting to see why I shouldn't. This woman is old enough to make smarter choices and in her line of work I would think she would make better parenting choices but I don't see her making them. I had a dream she left the baby at a store to be sold to another family and when I went in and saw the baby there I lost it and took the little one home Yeah, it's affecting my dreams.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jan 25, 2014 9:48:13 GMT -5
It seems im not the only one with the messed up avatar. But anyway, the rate can be and should be changed to suit you and it is based on the hours you actually babysit not a regular weekly rate. If she doesn't like it,she can go elsewhere. If you need a bad guy, use your husband. You can always babysit another baby, there's more of them than there are people to watch them.
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MarleyKeezy78
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Post by MarleyKeezy78 on Jan 25, 2014 9:52:13 GMT -5
I was wondering about the avatars, lol! Hope they come back. Thanks for all the great suggestions everyone!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 25, 2014 9:55:36 GMT -5
Twice recently I had to do something I was really dreading ... telling our old cleaner that I wasn't taking her back (she broke her leg and is off for four months). She has been with us for 15 years, and I've known her for 25.
And getting out of a one-week intensive class with a long commute I promised to teach ON TOP OF my regular teaching schedule.
Both of these issues kept me up nights, I was fretting for weeks and weeks.
When I finally told the other people involved, both took the info very well. But even if they hadn't, the important thing was *I* felt a million times better!!! Instantly! And that's what matters (to me).
It doesn't matter why you can't do it anymore ... all that matters is you can't, and she needs to find a new arrangement. If it's easier for you, yes, blame it on your DH. I can give you a bunch of reasons you can give her (all ones that you have mentioned). But the bottom line is, it doesn't matter what you say, as long as you say it, and get yourself out of this situation.
I'd give her two weeks.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 25, 2014 9:57:01 GMT -5
Well, she sounds like an idiot, but it also seems that you're not saying anything to her and she may have no clue how upset you are about the situation. You need to get up the nerve to tell her what she's doing is not ok and clue her in to the fact that she's on the verge of losing her daycare. That may be all it takes to get her to straighten up and if there truly are late meetings she has to go to every week, then those days should have a surcharge.
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ZaireinHD
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Post by ZaireinHD on Jan 25, 2014 14:42:14 GMT -5
WOW! looks like you are suffering from what I have - good guy syndrome - LOL
The first choice is to - as mentioned call child services or police and report this chick as putting her child in danger
The second choice is to - stop contact immediately! like you have said you didn't sign up for this shit and it's not your burden to bare! Putting yourself out of the way for someone else that appears not to appreciate you and your efforts
The third choice is to - give a short notice to stop babysitting. Well finish out the time you were paid for of course (this way not to end up on Judge Judy). You have said the money is nice, the money is good to have and helps out. But you didn't have it before and you and hubby will get by without it.
The fourth choice is to - stick out the year babysitting. However look around for pricing at actual businesses that she would have to use once you give notice. Then tell her you have to raise your price and you can go more expensive than what you find out the prices are; in hopes this chick will say 'you want how much now! I ain't pay'n That!' or go just below what the pricing is and you can get more money.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Jan 25, 2014 14:50:57 GMT -5
WOW! looks like you are suffering from what I have - good guy syndrome - LOL The first choice is to - as mentioned call child services or police and report this chick as putting her child in danger The second choice is to - stop contact immediately! like you have said you didn't sign up for this shit and it's not your burden to bare! Putting yourself out of the way for someone else that appears not to appreciate you and your efforts The third choice is to - give a short notice to stop babysitting. Well finish out the time you were paid for of course (this way not to end up on Judge Judy). You have said the money is nice, the money is good to have and helps out. But you didn't have it before and you and hubby will get by without it. The fourth choice is to - stick out the year babysitting. However look around for pricing at actual businesses that she would have to use once you give notice. Then tell her you have to raise your price and you can go more expensive than what you find out the prices are; in hopes this chick will say 'you want how much now! I ain't pay'n That!' or go just below what the pricing is and you can get more money. Good points Zaire! But I would not want to stick it out.
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ZaireinHD
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Post by ZaireinHD on Jan 25, 2014 14:53:21 GMT -5
being the good guy myself - I know and so very understand how difficult doing what is right for you is! having the feeling or the need to be helpful; and not causing this other person to be upset towards you. Thinking about other persons feelings above your own. Thinking what is she going to do once you stop babysitting? How many days is she going to miss from work trying to find a replacement? How is she going to afford and actual babysitter? This is something she has to get done and will pay someone else so it might as well be you?
Will she be upset towards you for dropping her child back as her responsibility? What will happen if she has to watch her child for a while, and smokes around her child? What if she turns out to really be a bad mother? if something were to happen, you could have prevented because you would have been babysitting?
Yea - I'll stop there!
But the truth of the matter - it is not your problem or responsibility! Finish out the time you have been paid for and end this
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Jan 25, 2014 15:05:57 GMT -5
I agree Zaire. And, I know she doesn't want to feel unhelpful. I get it. But, in reality, I have finally LEARNED that in life that you need to claim who you are and stop investing my TIME into people who won't invest an iota of their time into me. This woman doesn't care a whit about the OP except for what she can USE her for, which is cheap and convenient babysitting. I wouldn't waste one more second of my life on that moron.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Jan 25, 2014 15:07:04 GMT -5
But, really, this is a business relationship. If the money is satisfactory to the OP and the terms of pick up, drop off are agreed on and it works for HER, then that is fine. But, even if she was an otherwise great person, the fact that she is showing up stoned is a deal breaker.
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ZaireinHD
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Post by ZaireinHD on Jan 25, 2014 15:14:24 GMT -5
I see your point Shooby. I have zero experience and was hoping out of the box thinking. but I agree with you this is a deal breaker knowing this other chick gets high. I keep thinking about these New York horror stories that come up from time to time is if the OP will be in trouble for babysitting being paid for babysitting without a business license or training?
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MarleyKeezy78
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Post by MarleyKeezy78 on Jan 25, 2014 15:22:03 GMT -5
All valid points! I do not want to open up a can of worms and be in doo doo myself.
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ZaireinHD
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Post by ZaireinHD on Jan 25, 2014 15:37:04 GMT -5
see exactly Mitty - putting myself in this situation as being a good guy! for one honestly there is no way I would call cops or child services - I know I wouldn't do that. I would also wonder if I can handle the full responsibility of babysitting? I know I would be and I know how I am with my own child. but I don't know what happens with her child when not around her, no contact with her, and glad when she takes her child back. also say I do handle an emergency situation correctly, will she freak out and still accuse me of mishandling the situation? since we are not friends and have basically recently met, I mean since you and her are not friends and basically recently met, makes this babysitting more of a business deal. if you stick with this, you are going to have to come up with more rules, policy, and guidelines. I have learned that people will use others for their own personal gain, without a second thought of how they are putting you out of your way and inconvenience.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jan 26, 2014 6:50:51 GMT -5
Like I said, I'm sure she thinks SHE is doing you a favor by letting you earn some money while being at home. Find out what other at home sitters charge, it is less than daycares btw, and tell her that's the new price. If you can afford to. If you need to stick it out, then you do but at a higher rate and you get paid per hour not weekly. She picks her kid up late? She pays for that privilege. My old sitter thought she was doing me a favor and I thought it was a mutual thing because I thought she and her kids liked to eat. Turns out I was wrong. Don't know how they ate after I fired her and I really don't care. If you need the money put an ad in CL about home babysitting services.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jan 26, 2014 6:52:46 GMT -5
Also, look into a drop in home care. Sometimes women and men need to have a babysitter during the day because they need to do something sans kids. Like a hospital test or something. That's more per hour because it isn't a regular thing. DFs aunt gets a babysitter for her husband. Babysitter charges $12 an hour, dirt cheap IMHO.
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Jan 26, 2014 8:16:15 GMT -5
So she picks the kid up and she is stoned. What if kid gets sick and she has to rush to ER. They want to know what happened and she says "I don't know I just picked her/him up from the sitter" I see a world of sh## coming your way. No way would I put myself in this situation but I'm not walking in your shoes Oh and I have a strong self preservation instinct built in so not your normal do good person when gut tells me otherwise.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jan 26, 2014 8:44:04 GMT -5
If the OP can tell the mom was stoned, I'm sure the hospital can as well. That being said, the next time she does this, I would call the cops. I'm sure you have her license plate number and model and make of car. You can simply say this car was driving erratically on the road. Let the cops do the rest.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Jan 26, 2014 9:22:24 GMT -5
I agree the priority is either ending this business relationship; or demanding more money. By demanding; I mean you tell the mother tonight that the kid doesn't even enter the premises tomorrow unless you are paid a full day of your new standard rate UP FRONT. Furthermore, each day's standard rate should be paid up front.
The mother has everything to gain by trying to guilt/pressure/nag/bully you into relenting. Don't! Once the kid is in your house, and you haven't gotten your payment, you've lost. She'll have a million reasons why she can't give it to you today but promises to give it to you "next time".
Its up to you whether to involve the law. If nothing happened last time, maybe you got lucky. But don't ever relinquish the kid if she shows up that way again.
This whole thing may indeed be more trouble than it is worth!
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MarleyKeezy78
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Post by MarleyKeezy78 on Jan 26, 2014 9:26:09 GMT -5
Why does doing something nice have to turn into this This is not the first time babysitting for someone has turned sour for me. The last time it was a family memeber and I used to sit her kids and clean, mow lawn, ect... And then she bitched that I ate at her house. She didn't pay for the services provided other than lunch or whatever. We don't talk much anymore. The family memeber is a alcohalic and this lady is a stoner... I see a pattern emerging here. I help people in hopes of them helping themselves and that they do, they help themselves to more alcohol, pot.... Awesome I hate being too nice. This was a very insightful thread for me guys!
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jan 26, 2014 9:47:11 GMT -5
Yup, I babysat ONE time and one time only as a teenager. I cleaned up her pigsty of a trailer after her kids went to bed. Didn't get paid a dime and I was too chicken to say anything. My mom asked me about it the next day and when I told her I never got paid, she went ballistic. Called the mom and went apeshit on her. Turns out that the person who set up the job for me told the lady she didn't need to pay me because my parents were "rich!"
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jan 26, 2014 9:49:41 GMT -5
Now you see it, you can fix it.
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Jan 26, 2014 9:51:00 GMT -5
Why does doing something nice have to turn into this This is not the first time babysitting for someone has turned sour for me. The last time it was a family memeber and I used to sit her kids and clean, mow lawn, ect... And then she bitched that I ate at her house. She didn't pay for the services provided other than lunch or whatever. We don't talk much anymore. The family memeber is a alcohalic and this lady is a stoner... I see a pattern emerging here. I help people in hopes of them helping themselves and that they do, they help themselves to more alcohol, pot.... Awesome I hate being too nice. This was a very insightful thread for me guys!And that makes you a nice person. Nothing wrong with that but you have to look at where it has gotten you sometimes. Break the pattern and you will be better off in the long run. I can look back and think "wtf" was I thinking sometimes but much older and wiser and that comes with age. Oh and I have the mentality of "sit with my back to the wall and my eyes on the door" But it is good that not everyone is like me. Just have to learn to weed out the crap causing stuff and let it go and not feel bad about it. Ok off my well worn soap box for now
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MarleyKeezy78
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Post by MarleyKeezy78 on Jan 26, 2014 10:30:31 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Jan 26, 2014 10:45:29 GMT -5
I see a pattern emerging here. I help people in hopes of them helping themselves and that they do, they help themselves to more alcohol, pot.... Awesome I hate being too nice. This was a very insightful thread for me guys! Don't hate being too nice. Being nice is a good quality. You just need to stay away from the people who take advantage of it without giving enough in return, and you need to learn to call people on their bad behavior. I'm the same way. You don't need to stop being nice- just stop being nice to the wrong people. The earlier you do this in your life, the better.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Jan 26, 2014 10:54:08 GMT -5
I think we have different ways of qualifying "nice". "Nice" doesn't mean letting people walk all over you , not speaking your mind or opinion, or do something that is not in your best interest. I gave up trying to figure out how someone else is going to "take" something or to think about how someone may or may not react. I finally learned that I don't know how someone is going to think or react about anything. ANd, that it really doesn't matter because my job in life is to do what works best for me and my family and they can think/do/act however they want to think do act. There is nothing "not nice" about saying "i am sorry but I can no longer babysit, this isn't working out for me". PERIOD. Stop giving people explainations. You don't have to explain yourself or reasons to anyone. This is a business relationship. SHe asked you to babysit. You did. SHe agreed to pay you. She did. NOw, you find this job isn't working out for you. So, now you simply end the job. What she will do without you to babysit is HER problem not yours. If you want to make it your problem that is your choice but that has nothing to do with being "nice". Again, and when I talk about simply being direct that doesn't mean you have to unload every nasty thought on her either. You can simply say that this isn't working, thank you very much, goodbye. End of story. People seem to want to make their lives soooo difficult. Why bring in more drama in your life if you don't have too?
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Post by Deleted on Jan 26, 2014 11:08:30 GMT -5
You definitely owe her notice if only for the baby's sake. I'd say one month is plenty. But you also need to think about what you are going to do when the month is up, and she hasn't replaced you. She is going to find that very difficult given what she is paying you and the hours she is demanding.
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wmpeon
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Post by wmpeon on Jan 26, 2014 11:09:57 GMT -5
OP, I don't think I saw anyone else touch on this, but you mentioned how stressful it is for you and that you come home in tears nearly every day. I'm sure it's no surprise to you that it isn't healthy. You're exhausted, under-appreciated, taken advantage of, and not able to spend time with your family like you want. You're burned out. For that reason alone, I'd give the woman very little notice if any. What is the result you want? If you want to leave, simply tell her it isn't working out and you want to focus on your family. I wouldn't mention how you deserve more pay or feel taken advantage of (even though it's true), because it will suddenly become en emotional conversation, and it will open the door for her to negotiate. Once you've made your decision, BE FIRM. Do not let her whine or negotiate or beg you to stay for just "a day/week/until I find someone". This is a business transaction and it is ending. Period. Though I might wish her luck she finds someone else who is willing to work such long hours for so little pay.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Jan 26, 2014 11:16:58 GMT -5
You definitely owe her notice if only for the baby's sake. I'd say one month is plenty. But you also need to think about what you are going to do when the month is up, and she hasn't replaced you. She is going to find that very difficult given what she is paying you and the hours she is demanding. She doesn't "owe " her a blessed thing. If mom shows up stoned and constantly late, um no. However ,if she wishes to watch the baby for a period of time, that is up to her.
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