Opti
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Post by Opti on Dec 16, 2013 18:05:33 GMT -5
I wish people would always show up if they say they will, but they don't. Perhaps I'm the only one who believes taking that into account is wise?
To change the subject slightly I'd love to hear about people's experiences when it comes to the hardest to attend event for them that they RSVP'd for. Mine was a wedding that was in January in my home state while I was attending college. This was before weather.com and back in the day when calling for time and tempature was common. I drove three+ hours north to stay at my Mom's for the weekend so I, my sister, and BF could attend a wedding. We anticipated really cold weather, but not below zero with minus 70 windchill. Going to church wasn't bad as it was close by and still day light. The venue was a significant drive North and it was brutal. If I think about it I can see the three of us sitting on the couch when we got back with our coats on.
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Dec 16, 2013 18:27:33 GMT -5
"how would one work out a 10% fudge factor when it comes to chairs and tables and plated dinners?"
Not easily unfortunately. Lucky for me most of my fudge factor happened early with the RSVPs. I think one has to plan everyone might show up unless of course it was a weekend like this one. In that case I would have fudged the attendance numbers down for the catering, probably by 5%. Many venues can handle a surprise additional plate or two with notice that day.
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Dec 16, 2013 18:31:42 GMT -5
"We'd get home and find them all sleeping in a pile in the living room, completely exhausted from playing soccer and inventing new Wii characters. " How cute. Not sure I'd be OK with the scooters though unless it was downstairs in the basement.
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Abby Normal
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Post by Abby Normal on Dec 16, 2013 18:36:14 GMT -5
Can't you just leave them at home? With the dog? Now that they're a little older (13 and 9), I can. But that doesn't mean the house is going to look remotely the same as when I left it.
A couple of months ago, the little one got very excited when describing what a great night they'd had when we (DH and I) were out. His eyes lit up and he squealed, "Mom, we got to ride the scooters - IN THE HOUSE!!!"
And last time we were getting ready to go out, the little guy appeared in my room and was buckling on his helmet while innocently inquiring, "So, when are you leaving, Mom?"
DS is a little more science oriented. He decided to see what happened when you through a wet washcloth into a fast moving ceiling fan. It took me quite a while to get out of him just how this decorative glass piece was broken. We have vaulted ceilings and the piece sat pretty high on a shelf. I did manage to hold in the laughter until after he left the room.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Dec 16, 2013 18:38:02 GMT -5
I want to ride scooters in the house! Come to my house. I let my kids do it.
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cktc
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Post by cktc on Dec 16, 2013 18:39:15 GMT -5
I don't know about everyone else, but I certainly didn't have a single negative thought about anyone who RSVP'd that they could not attend. I can't even remember who said NO. but I can remember who said Yes and then decided they had better offers that day. and those who legitimately could not attend (and I had zero issue with them) Well this is because you aren't an asshole. I was married to one so I understand the counter thought quite well, facts and reality don't matter, just the story. You RSVP yes, so you care a lot and really wanted to go. You were unable to attend because you were horribly sick. (Not really, but that is irrelevant.) Bride didn't call to check on you and had the gall to complain you miss the wedding. You are now a terrible victim of inconsiderate gift grubbing bridezilla. You win at humanity.
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Green Eyed Lady
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Post by Green Eyed Lady on Dec 16, 2013 18:51:19 GMT -5
I wish people would always show up if they say they will, but they don't. Perhaps I'm the only one who believes taking that into account is wise?
I don't think anybody (or at least not me) said it wasn't wise to expect some no-shows. I said that those no-shows are rude and inconsiderate, regardless of whether or not we should expect some people to be rude and inconsiderate. It doesn't excuse them because "it should be expected" and I'm not willing to place even one small iota of blame onto the bride for picking the wrong date or not being wise enough to expect some people to be rude and inconsiderate. I think we are all just arguing now for the sake of argument and wanting to have our opinions validated. I'm sick of the subject and prefer to talk about riding scooters in the house! I never got to do that! My brother did, though. He was spoiled rotten.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Dec 16, 2013 19:05:23 GMT -5
I'm really bad because we offered one meal only. That was before the fad of vegetarian, GF, and whatever else is the flavor of the month. The two no-shows that I paid for? We boxed up the food and took it!
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Dec 16, 2013 19:07:36 GMT -5
"I think we are all just arguing now for the sake of argument and wanting to have our opinions validated. I'm sick of the subject and prefer to talk about riding scooters in the house!" Probably true. I only had two people not show up and not say anything so I guess I'm hoping the norm is 1 to 2% really rude invitees with the majority of any no shows letting you know early they wouldn't be coming and why. I don't think I've ever ridden a scooter but this time of year I'm jealous of the kids that get the fake cars you can ride in for Christmas. I also wish I had the money to buy a helicopter from Brookstone. I had fun flying one when when one of the demo people let me try it for awhile. If I lived near Milee I think I'd volunteer to babysit, at least once. Might be fun.
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The Captain
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Post by The Captain on Dec 16, 2013 20:11:04 GMT -5
Got a question for the board peeps. You get any invitation to a wedding and get six weeks notice. You need a baby sitter. Do you find one before you RSVP yes? If the babysitter cancels how many fallback options do you have? At a minimum one parent stays home with the child while the other attends the wedding and gives regrets (in person) for the peep unable to attend. DH and I had a fancy holiday party to attend last Saturday. DD got sick at last minute (literally after babysitter showed up). We paid the sitter for her time (5 hours), sent her home, and I stayed home with the sick kid. We've had babysitters bail on us a few times and have always had at least one parent go.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 16, 2013 21:34:08 GMT -5
"I'm extending to the other guests the same benefit of the doubt that everyone has extended to Mid. Mid RSVP'd to an event, with her DH, that she had a better than 50/50 chance of not being able to attend due to her delivery date. They couldn't make it and made up two of the no-shows. If you look at Captain's example only one of three RSVP's were able to make the holiday party. That still means two "no-shows" even though one was able to attend."
Where did you get the 2nd no-show? Their kid wasn't going to the party (that is why they needed a babysitter). Nobody is saying things don't come up. But if you are already starting out with the mindset that I will say yes unless something better comes along, that is more than rude IMO. If you say yes to an event, you should put it on your calendar and unless an emergency comes up (ie getting emergency C-section), you should show up. Mid thought she could make the wedding and she RSVPed yes but then the baby came early so she couldn't make it. I don't think it is the same for someone who has other plans come up. (the "you" here is not you personally even though I am responding to your post) And although it is possible the remaining 33 people had emergencies that stopped them from going, it is not very probable.
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sarcasticgirl
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Post by sarcasticgirl on Dec 16, 2013 23:23:15 GMT -5
Not a single person in this thread has said that a medical issue is inexcusable. Everyone gets these things happen. No need to convince everyone that they do.
Someone get me a freaking scooter so I can scuff these hardwood floors!
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justme
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Post by justme on Dec 16, 2013 23:35:19 GMT -5
Haven't had kids, but 39 weeks isn't exactly early or late, no? The emergency c-section does throw a wrinkle into everything, but even without it there's good odds of delivering naturally (meaning not induced or scheduled c-section) at 39 weeks and I would think even a birth close to unicorn farts and rainbows still wouldn't leave the mom wanting to go to a wedding the first week after. So, based on what I know, Mid was way optimistic to RSVP yes to a wedding at 39 weeks.
Though I'm sure the friend also realized how far along Mid would be a that time when she sent out the invitations and her having the baby before the wedding wasn't entirely unexpected. Or that Mid informed her of that. So not saying Mid was wrong in any way...but giving birth unexpectedly at 39 weeks isn't that unexpected.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 17, 2013 0:04:29 GMT -5
"..but giving birth unexpectedly at 39 weeks isn't that unexpected."
She didnt just give birth earlier than she planned though, she had to have emergency c-section. So i would say that is unexpected.
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justme
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Post by justme on Dec 17, 2013 0:33:42 GMT -5
"..but giving birth unexpectedly at 39 weeks isn't that unexpected." She didnt just give birth earlier than she planned though, she had to have emergency c-section. So i would say that is unexpected. True, and I think I allowed for circumstances in my post. I didn't say Mid was horrible or in any way wrong about not making the wedding. Just, as a whole, giving birth at 39 weeks isn't so out of left field that most women would feel 100% sure they could make a wedding during their 39th week. In other words, even if you hadn't given birth at 39 weeks you might not feel well enough to go to a wedding. But, again, I'm sure Mid's friend knew this - if not the friend is a dolt! I'm sure an emergency c-section after an induction sucks monkey balls. At the very least because anything emergency dealing with your child has to be awful. I was just stating, based on my knowledge, that since 36 weeks is "full" term and 40-41 is definitely textbook full term, giving birth at 39 weeks isn't that unexpected. I know I was at least a week early, and my cousin was a few weeks early - all falling close or slightly before the 39 week mark with no complications. Though, again, you never know when you're giving birth or how long it would take to recover - and as a bridge I would completely understand a friend that was pregnant having to miss my wedding for practically any reason.
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Nazgul Girl
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Post by Nazgul Girl on Dec 17, 2013 4:35:04 GMT -5
One of my friends got married a couple of weeks ago. Invitations were sent out and DH and I RSVP-ed yes. After doing so, I found out I had some pregnancy complications that would require me to deliver early, and ended up with an unscheduled C-section after being induced at 39 weeks. That was on a Monday, and the wedding was that Saturday - we didn't make it. My friend has complained several times (publicly and privately) about the number of no-shows and how much it cost them. I've apologized but she still seems mad. I suspect there were quite a few no-shows and don't think it's all directed at me, but I do feel bad that we couldn't make it. I haven't yet sent the wedding card (we were going to gift cash). I know some believe the gift should cover the cost of the plate if the guests attend - what about those who miss it? The meal was $20 per person. I had planned to give $75 (when we were still assuming we'd be attending) but am now wondering if that's enough. How much would you gift in this situation? I think that compliations from a C-section would be a good enough reason for missing a wedding. Congratulations on your successful delivery and the birth of your child, by the way.
I would send the $ 75 and add on another $ 50 - $ 75 for the two plates, if she seems that miffed.
We had several no-shows at our wedding after they had RSVP'd their acceptances, but most that didn't show were work associates. Only one "friend" didn't show. However, none had decent excuses for not coming, especially the one who had made the big fuss about needing a plate for her "date." She never showed with Mr. Date. That pissed me off. Be that as it may, we were still married, still went on our honeymoon, and still had a grand time at our wedding and reception.
Your friend needs to calm down.
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Nazgul Girl
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Post by Nazgul Girl on Dec 17, 2013 4:36:43 GMT -5
Can't you just leave them at home? With the dog? Now that they're a little older (13 and 9), I can. But that doesn't mean the house is going to look remotely the same as when I left it.
A couple of months ago, the little one got very excited when describing what a great night they'd had when we (DH and I) were out. His eyes lit up and he squealed, "Mom, we got to ride the scooters - IN THE HOUSE!!!"
And last time we were getting ready to go out, the little guy appeared in my room and was buckling on his helmet while innocently inquiring, "So, when are you leaving, Mom?"
That's a cute story, Milee. I wouldn't want them riding their scooters in the house for fear of the paint on the walls being ruined if they fell into it riding their scooters, but the visual images I'm getting are grand.
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Nazgul Girl
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Post by Nazgul Girl on Dec 17, 2013 4:54:02 GMT -5
Of course, at my second wedding, the main issue wasn't that a few guests didn't show. It was that the rabbi didn't show for 2-3 hours ! He was quite aged and was sitting in his study at the synagogue, waiting for DH-to-be and NazgulGirl to show up for the pre-marital wedding counseling/interview. We don't know how he got his wires crossed on that one.
My father and stepmother knew him, and called his cell phone. He told them where he was, and my stepmother told him that he HAD to come NOW, since the synagogue was 25 miles away from the wedding venue, and we had gobs of restless guests milling around. ( We opened the bar BEFORE the wedding, so by the time Rabbi W arrived, everyone was very, very happy and just Looooovvvvvved the ceremony ! )
The rabbi arrived with his golf shoes on, and needed to borrow a sport coat and tie, since he felt that he couldn't perform a marriage ceremony without being properly attired. So, we were married by the rabbi on a beautiful day with my DF having walked me down the aisle (outdoors ) once again, so long as I let him wear a turtleneck instead of a tie. DH forgot to put on his yarmulke in the excitement. Dad and I walked down to Pachelbel's " Canon in D, "and DH & I danced out to the " Can't Help Falling in Love " version from Lilo and Stitch.
Then, we took my (our ) daughter on our honeymoon to Disney World, and came in right after Hurricane Charlie blew through. When we left, storms to potential hurricanes D, E & F were barrelling in.
Evidently, we are a very resilient couple .
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 17, 2013 8:28:26 GMT -5
Haven't had kids, but 39 weeks isn't exactly early or late, no? The emergency c-section does throw a wrinkle into everything, but even without it there's good odds of delivering naturally (meaning not induced or scheduled c-section) at 39 weeks and I would think even a birth close to unicorn farts and rainbows still wouldn't leave the mom wanting to go to a wedding the first week after. So, based on what I know, Mid was way optimistic to RSVP yes to a wedding at 39 weeks. Though I'm sure the friend also realized how far along Mid would be a that time when she sent out the invitations and her having the baby before the wedding wasn't entirely unexpected. Or that Mid informed her of that. So not saying Mid was wrong in any way...but giving birth unexpectedly at 39 weeks isn't that unexpected. I RSVP'd yes, and attended, a wedding that was 2 days before my due date with baby #2. in addition, it was a Jewish wedding so it couldn't take place on that saturday night in July until after the sun went down. somehow I managed to attend, in a dress and pantyhose (it was the 90's), and have a good time. It never would have occurred to me to not attend unless I had given birth in the last 48 hours or had a medical reason to not attend (and just being pregnant isn't valid). If one of those issues had come up, I would have called her or her mom and let them know.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Dec 17, 2013 8:33:34 GMT -5
Wow! I attended weddings VERY pregnant but no way right after birth. Crap, I could barely walk!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 17, 2013 8:40:44 GMT -5
Wow! I attended weddings VERY pregnant but no way right after birth. Crap, I could barely walk! my first wasn't a walk in the park but I was fine after 2 or 3 days. I hosted a baby shower when #3 was 10 days old, but I was also home tucking my other kids in bed when he was 6 hours old. I think a hospital birth with all the rules and regulations takes a big toll on your body and I'm so glad I didn't go that route.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Dec 17, 2013 8:45:07 GMT -5
I actually was better with recovery with my second but that's because I left the same day I had her. Had her at 2am and left by 10am. Threatened to walk out without her if they didn't let me go! So I agree that hospitals are no place to recover.
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sarcasticgirl
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Post by sarcasticgirl on Dec 17, 2013 8:46:06 GMT -5
We carpooled to a wedding with some friends a few years back and the wife was preggers and had one of those "puke every day for 9months" kind of pregnancies. We drove from Chicago to green bay with about a dozen stops for puking. We missed the ceremony since we had to check into the hotel first so the preggo friend could clean up... But we made that reception! And thankfully she was totally fine the entire night.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 17, 2013 8:57:06 GMT -5
I don't know about everyone else, but I certainly didn't have a single negative thought about anyone who RSVP'd that they could not attend. I can't even remember who said NO. but I can remember who said Yes and then decided they had better offers that day. and those who legitimately could not attend (and I had zero issue with them) Well this is because you aren't an asshole. I was married to one so I understand the counter thought quite well, facts and reality don't matter, just the story. You RSVP yes, so you care a lot and really wanted to go. You were unable to attend because you were horribly sick. (Not really, but that is irrelevant.) Bride didn't call to check on you and had the gall to complain you miss the wedding. You are now a terrible victim of inconsiderate gift grubbing bridezilla. You win at humanity. Hold the phone! You're blaming the bride for not checking up on you??!? Why can't you, the one NOT planning an event, pick up the phone and let her know you're not coming? Unreal! And Opti, I make sure I have a sitter lined up before I RSVP. If the sitter bails, I have 4 more siblings to call for a favor.
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Sharon
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Post by Sharon on Dec 17, 2013 9:05:43 GMT -5
My DD just got married this last weekend. We had some people who didn't show. I just hoped that everything was okay with them. There were also some of DD' friends who had declined and then at the last minute were able to make it and just showed up. DD was thrilled that they were there. We did do a buffet and not a sit down dinner. It was all good. The kids loved the way the day went and that everyone seemed to have a good time. At the end of the day they were married and that is what is important. Although if anyone wants some left over Mac and Cheese or cake from the wedding, we have plenty. Yes we had mac and cheese as part of the buffet because we knew that we would have a whole lot of kids at the wedding.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 17, 2013 9:51:03 GMT -5
Well this is because you aren't an asshole. I was married to one so I understand the counter thought quite well, facts and reality don't matter, just the story. You RSVP yes, so you care a lot and really wanted to go. You were unable to attend because you were horribly sick. (Not really, but that is irrelevant.) Bride didn't call to check on you and had the gall to complain you miss the wedding. You are now a terrible victim of inconsiderate gift grubbing bridezilla. You win at humanity. Hold the phone! You're blaming the bride for not checking up on you??!? Why can't you, the one NOT planning an event, pick up the phone and let her know you're not coming? Unreal! And Opti, I make sure I have a sitter lined up before I RSVP. If the sitter bails, I have 4 more siblings to call for a favor. I thought the bolded part was sarcasm
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 17, 2013 9:52:23 GMT -5
I hope so. But I can't rule it out after some of the stories that were told!
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cktc
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Post by cktc on Dec 17, 2013 10:49:05 GMT -5
Oh definitely a joke! Sorry if that wasn't clear. I was just trying to demonstrate that no matter how appalling the behavior, some people would rather try to flip it than apologize. Honestly I think the unrepentant no-shows do brides a favor. $700 is a small price to pay to be certain which relationships aren't worth your time.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 17, 2013 10:54:30 GMT -5
Good point! (ETA: Glad to hear it was sarcasm. You have restored my faith in humanity! )
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