HoneyBBQ
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Post by HoneyBBQ on Nov 18, 2013 11:28:24 GMT -5
Interesting. My H and I have a large age difference but it hasn't seem to be too much of a problem. He gets along with my friends and I get along with his. Though I think most people think he's about 10 years younger than he actually is. And he tends to act like a 12 yr old boy. Someone saw my AARP card once and they were like HOW DO YOU HAVE THAT?? I explained once someone in a household is over 50 you can get it -- they were like WHO IN YOUR HOUSEHOLD IS OVER 50?? Um.... lol.
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HoneyBBQ
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Post by HoneyBBQ on Nov 18, 2013 11:29:40 GMT -5
Chances are it was insulting, but that's OK, because I probably would have found it funny. I'm an extrovert and I can tell you, insulting IS funny! I have a sarcastic sense of humor...I've learned people either really like me or they really don't. I'm ok with that. I can't have a stick-up-the-ass friend to worry about offending every conversation we have. See - that's the problem with being a sarcastic introvert. We're funny and sassy but we're really not sure if we are or not. LOL. Sucks to be us.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 18, 2013 11:42:47 GMT -5
Compared to some of the other fails on this thread - this may seem trivial - but it occurred to me that I have failed repeatedly at breaking my addiction to Pepsi. It started when I was 18 and I think the longest I've ever gone without it has been about a month. My kids did that for me. I eat fairly healthy and never bought soda to have in the house, but regularly used to order diet Coke or Pepsi when we went out. Of course, I don't let my kids drink soda at all and one day they asked why it was OK for me to drink it and not them. Hate those little logical boogers! It was hard for a month or two, but I'm mostly out of the habit now. Down to around 1 a month, mostly at social functions when I don't want an alcoholic drink but don't want water either. So, Waffle, see if your kids can guilt you into the change. because there are things adults get to do that kids don't - drink alcohol, drink soda, drive, curse, etc.
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milee
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Post by milee on Nov 18, 2013 12:02:56 GMT -5
My kids did that for me. I eat fairly healthy and never bought soda to have in the house, but regularly used to order diet Coke or Pepsi when we went out. Of course, I don't let my kids drink soda at all and one day they asked why it was OK for me to drink it and not them. Hate those little logical boogers! It was hard for a month or two, but I'm mostly out of the habit now. Down to around 1 a month, mostly at social functions when I don't want an alcoholic drink but don't want water either. So, Waffle, see if your kids can guilt you into the change. because there are things adults get to do that kids don't - drink alcohol, drink soda, drive, curse, etc. Of course. The problem arises because most of those things has a logical answer for why the item might be appropriate at different ages or stages of development and which is backed by science. Alcohol impacts growing brains differently than mature brains and people with mature brains are expected to have the prefrontal cortex development, experience and judgment to be able to drink responsibly, etc. As far as I know, all the reasons that soda is bad for kids - destroys teeth, causes health issues, empty calories - are also exactly the same reasons that it is bad for adults. Tough to say that yes, this is a really bad thing to do for health - it's so bad that I will not let you do it, but I'm going to do it 'cuz I'm the mom. That would be a lot like trying to teach your kids to eat their veggies while you down a Quarter Pounder with fries in front of them. Or sitting on the couch and yelling for them to exercise. One of the most powerful teaching tools a parent has is leading by example.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 18, 2013 12:20:05 GMT -5
because there are things adults get to do that kids don't - drink alcohol, drink soda, drive, curse, etc. Of course. The problem arises because most of those things has a logical answer for why the item might be appropriate at different ages or stages of development and which is backed by science. Alcohol impacts growing brains differently than mature brains and people with mature brains are expected to have the prefrontal cortex development, experience and judgment to be able to drink responsibly, etc. As far as I know, all the reasons that soda is bad for kids - destroys teeth, causes health issues, empty calories - are also exactly the same reasons that it is bad for adults. Tough to say that yes, this is a really bad thing to do for health - it's so bad that I will not let you do it, but I'm going to do it 'cuz I'm the mom. That would be a lot like trying to teach your kids to eat their veggies while you down a Quarter Pounder with fries in front of them. Or sitting on the couch and yelling for them to exercise. One of the most powerful teaching tools a parent has is leading by example. their bodies and brains are still growing, mine are heading towards their expiration date. when mine were younger, the only time they got soda was when we ate out....I got my fix at work.
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milee
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Post by milee on Nov 18, 2013 12:37:32 GMT -5
their bodies and brains are still growing, mine are heading towards their expiration date. If that helps you justify it, that's fine. But the truth is that soda has the exact same negative health impacts on people of any age. I wouldn't want my kids drinking soda once they're adults any more than I want them drinking it as kids, so I'm trying to set the example. Same reason why I sold my motorcycle. I loved that thing but would not want my boys to ride one, so am setting the example. Some day they'll find a picture of it and ask, but for now they can be under the illusion that I've always driven a mom mobile.
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milee
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Post by milee on Nov 18, 2013 12:43:04 GMT -5
And going a little deeper... I'm in control enough that if I wanted to tell them to do something just because I say so, they would do it. They are respectful and would follow my instruction.
But I would like to raise kids who are respectful but also intelligent enough to question things as appropriate. As long as their questions are appropriate and respectful, then I am willing to listen, consider their input and modify as needed. This was one of those times when I had to concede that their argument (it's unhealthy at any age, so why OK for you and not me?) was logical and better than mine (because I said so or because I'm old I don't care about my health).
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milee
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Post by milee on Nov 18, 2013 13:47:56 GMT -5
Son drinks alcohol, we quit many years ago. Alcohol is not an open and shut case, if you read the studies. There are some diseases and conditions that alcohol has been found to reduce and others that alcohol has been found to increase. Making it even more complicated, the volume of alcohol can have a huge impact on whether it's good, benign or bad for your health and that the volumes are different for men and women. So there's no one "answer" to whether alcohol is good or bad for you. You have to understand your particular health risks, your particular size, consumption volumes, medication, etc. to know if it's helping or harming you. Plus, there's the additional consideration that it may end up causing you breast cancer, but you figure that's a reasonable tradeoff for not killing your children. See? Complicated.
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Formerly SK
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Post by Formerly SK on Nov 18, 2013 13:48:12 GMT -5
Funny, my response to those sorts of questions is "because I'm an adult." I guess I'm teaching them hypocrisy.
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lynnerself
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Post by lynnerself on Nov 18, 2013 14:58:37 GMT -5
We pretty much didn't ban any food or drink, but tried to teach and model moderation and healthy living. My kids had soda, candy, sugary cereal, fast food etc, but within limits and along with good nutrition.
Neither of them are overweight and ironically they are the only ones of their cousins with no food allergies.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 18, 2013 15:02:29 GMT -5
Funny, my response to those sorts of questions is "because I'm an adult." I guess I'm teaching them hypocrisy. I figured I was just a bad parent.... I guess I'm also in the camp of no food or drink (legal) is forbidden.....so mine get soda when we're out to dinner or at a movie or a party.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Nov 18, 2013 15:36:12 GMT -5
Funny, my response to those sorts of questions is "because I'm an adult." I guess I'm teaching them hypocrisy. I float between "my house, my rules" or "because I'm the mom and I said so". I don't feel the need to explain myself to my children. I will explain why things are bad for you, though, and I do try to make healthy choices, especially in front of my kids. I do bring diet drinks into the house and I will not let them drink it. I do tell them that diet products probably aren't all that healthy and their impact is even more on still growing brains and bodies. If they whine they get the "I'm the mom"
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Nov 18, 2013 16:08:48 GMT -5
I failed in caring about doing housework this weekend.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Nov 18, 2013 16:14:17 GMT -5
I failed in caring about doing housework this weekend. I failed in caring about laundry...but it doesn't magically wash itself
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 18, 2013 16:18:02 GMT -5
Did you change or lower goals, go in a different direction, give up entirely? Go with flow I guess, with happening in mind.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Nov 18, 2013 16:20:30 GMT -5
I failed in caring about doing housework this weekend. I failed in caring about laundry...but it doesn't magically wash itself I've conned one kid into doing their own, the other is all, you're washing stuff anyway why not wash mine. The other........he'd probably blow up the washer.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Nov 18, 2013 16:23:13 GMT -5
I failed in caring about laundry...but it doesn't magically wash itself I've conned one kid into doing their own, the other is all, you're washing stuff anyway why not wash mine. The other........he'd probably blow up the washer. Good God, I could never let mine do the laundry. My whites would be pink, my clothes would be shrunk...it is much cheaper for me to do the laundry. But I do make her fold the laundry. I HATE folding laundry!!
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Nov 18, 2013 16:25:30 GMT -5
Hmmm, so it's a GOOD thing my 5.5 year old DD wants to help me fold laundry and then her younger brother wants to help too....
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Nov 18, 2013 16:28:06 GMT -5
Hmmm, so it's a GOOD thing my 5.5 year old DD wants to help me fold laundry and then her younger brother wants to help too.... Sure...in about 10 years it will really pay off
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Nov 18, 2013 16:35:36 GMT -5
I've conned one kid into doing their own, the other is all, you're washing stuff anyway why not wash mine. The other........he'd probably blow up the washer. Good God, I could never let mine do the laundry. My whites would be pink, my clothes would be shrunk...it is much cheaper for me to do the laundry. But I do make her fold the laundry. I HATE folding laundry!! They do their own, none of mine. And if she ruins it, it's her problem. I'm not buying new stuff.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Nov 18, 2013 16:43:56 GMT -5
Good God, I could never let mine do the laundry. My whites would be pink, my clothes would be shrunk...it is much cheaper for me to do the laundry. But I do make her fold the laundry. I HATE folding laundry!! They do their own, none of mine. And if she ruins it, it's her problem. I'm not buying new stuff. LOL! Good job...I'm still afraid she would ruin her own.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 18, 2013 16:50:54 GMT -5
I've conned one kid into doing their own, the other is all, you're washing stuff anyway why not wash mine. The other........he'd probably blow up the washer. Good God, I could never let mine do the laundry. My whites would be pink, my clothes would be shrunk...it is much cheaper for me to do the laundry. But I do make her fold the laundry. I HATE folding laundry!! all my kids do their own laundry and have since about the age of 12...I do my own laundry.
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Spellbound454
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Post by Spellbound454 on Nov 18, 2013 17:28:12 GMT -5
We have pepsi on the odd occasion but not loads of it. I don't know about the science.... but I do know that if you spill it on the table and don't wipe it up immediately........it takes the varnish off. Probably not too good for your guts. but like has been said....a little of what you fancy does you good. Everything in moderation....
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milee
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Post by milee on Nov 18, 2013 17:36:57 GMT -5
Of course. The problem arises because most of those things has a logical answer for why the item might be appropriate at different ages or stages of development and which is backed by science. Alcohol impacts growing brains differently than mature brains and people with mature brains are expected to have the prefrontal cortex development, experience and judgment to be able to drink responsibly, etc. As far as I know, all the reasons that soda is bad for kids - destroys teeth, causes health issues, empty calories - are also exactly the same reasons that it is bad for adults.
Tough to say that yes, this is a really bad thing to do for health - it's so bad that I will not let you do it, but I'm going to do it 'cuz I'm the mom. That would be a lot like trying to teach your kids to eat their veggies while you down a Quarter Pounder with fries in front of them. Or sitting on the couch and yelling for them to exercise. One of the most powerful teaching tools a parent has is leading by example. But if this is your criteria, than the same can be said for desserts of any kind. Do you not allow your kids to have ice cream or cookies, ever? I try to teach my kids about things in moderation. Soda, cookies, ice cream, cake isn't good for you, but every once in a while it's okay as a treat. Sure, there are - as I said - occasions where I or one of the kids will have a soda. The point of the issue was that in the past, I was drinking them almost every time we went out to eat and was not allowing them to have one, so the difference wasn't that they weren't allowed in moderation it was that adults could drink them and kids couldn't. They pointed out to me that the same rules of moderation should apply equally no matter what the age of the person. Reasonable.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 18, 2013 17:42:18 GMT -5
But if this is your criteria, than the same can be said for desserts of any kind. Do you not allow your kids to have ice cream or cookies, ever? I try to teach my kids about things in moderation. Soda, cookies, ice cream, cake isn't good for you, but every once in a while it's okay as a treat. Sure, there are - as I said - occasions where I or one of the kids will have a soda. The point of the issue was that in the past, I was drinking them almost every time we went out to eat and was not allowing them to have one, so the difference wasn't that they weren't allowed in moderation it was that adults could drink them and kids couldn't. They pointed out to me that the same rules of moderation should apply equally no matter what the age of the person. Reasonable. you must go out to eat a lot. we eat out at the most once every 2 weeks so 2 times a month to me isn't a lot.
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swamp
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THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
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Post by swamp on Nov 18, 2013 17:42:46 GMT -5
Good, because if you told me I couldn't have dessert, I'd have to kill you, sorry.
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milee
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Post by milee on Nov 18, 2013 17:47:03 GMT -5
Sure, there are - as I said - occasions where I or one of the kids will have a soda. The point of the issue was that in the past, I was drinking them almost every time we went out to eat and was not allowing them to have one, so the difference wasn't that they weren't allowed in moderation it was that adults could drink them and kids couldn't. They pointed out to me that the same rules of moderation should apply equally no matter what the age of the person. Reasonable. you must go out to eat a lot. we eat out at the most once every 2 weeks so 2 times a month to me isn't a lot. There's a broad range of what people do. Not sure why it would surprise you that my family's eating out habits are different than some other random family's eating out habits. And whether you eat out twice a month or 200, the same point is still applicable here. I am trying to keep the same standards for the kids and the adults, and that has nothing to do with frequency.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 18, 2013 17:54:32 GMT -5
We have pepsi on the odd occasion but not loads of it. I don't know about the science.... but I do know that if you spill it on the table and don't wipe it up immediately........it takes the varnish off. Probably not too good for your guts. but like has been said....a little of what you fancy does you good. Everything in moderation.... True. But if you put stomach acid on your table it does the same thing.
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on Nov 18, 2013 22:06:32 GMT -5
Your biggest failure, cawiau, isn't a failure at all. It's a loss, to be sure, but it's not a failure. Not everyone can have everything. There are kids out there who'd love to have you and Mrs. C. for their parents, and even an only child has other children to play with. Their parents are those other children when they're very, very young. Hearing the gurgling laugh of a little one having fun will turn anybody with a heart right back into a child again. You haven't failed, cawiau. You're a wonderful, loving human being. That's what it's really all about, isn't it? One of my co-workers is hopefully adopting a baby this weekend. The birth mother was supposed to be induced today and the birth mother has 48 hours to change her mind. Assuming she doesn't, then my co-worker and her DH will be adopting him. They are very reserved but most likely super excited. With my co-worker, I don't know what the "issue" is, but they are doing something that works for them. Not everyone can have it the "old-fashioned" way and there are some that would rather adopt. However you get your family is how you got your family. In the end, you and DW want to raise a child and that's all that matters in the end. Once your child smiles, laughs, gives you a big hug, tells you I Love You, you'll just melt and be so glad for them. Not when they destroy their room, get into something they shouldn't have, then you'll change your mind. Either way, life happens. An update on my co-worker. Unfortunately for my co-worker, the birth mother changed her mind and my co-worker and her DH came home empty-handed. My heart breaks for her and her DH as they've already had failed IVF and a prior failed adoption. Nevermind that a portion of my extended family seem to be very fertile and have no business raising kids at the moment.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Nov 19, 2013 9:01:01 GMT -5
Oh Taz-that is so sad. I can't imagine going through that and being so close, and then it not working out.
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