Wisconsin Beth
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No, we don't walk away. But when we're holding on to something precious, we run.
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Nov 19, 2013 9:05:45 GMT -5
I'm sorry for your coworker Taz.
I had a pity party for me last night, around 2am. And I'm feeling incredibly defensive today, about just about everything.
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sheilaincali
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Post by sheilaincali on Nov 19, 2013 9:08:30 GMT -5
Taz- sorry for your co-worker. That has to be just devastating for them. Beth- Sorry you had a bad night
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Nov 19, 2013 9:33:03 GMT -5
I would so get off on telling people I work or played with rats! I'd even exaggerate it a bit to make it really gross. Teaching adaptive PE just makes people look blank when I say it.
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swamp
Community Leader
THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
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Post by swamp on Nov 19, 2013 9:47:11 GMT -5
Hey, I know what adaptive PE is!!!! One of my friends teaches it in a school for special needs kids.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Nov 19, 2013 12:47:27 GMT -5
Thank GOD. I get so tired of explaining it and then the comments you get are unreal.
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chen35
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Post by chen35 on Nov 19, 2013 13:39:24 GMT -5
Taz, that is heartbreaking!
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Sam_2.0
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Post by Sam_2.0 on Nov 19, 2013 13:43:46 GMT -5
Taz - that just sucks I hope they get another placement soon. Such a hard place for all involved. BTW - check out a status I shared on FB recently regarding a baby looking for a placement. Feel free to foward that info along if it would be helpful. DH already told me no. And we don't have the $30k anyway.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 19, 2013 20:05:16 GMT -5
I'm late to the party....
I failed at parenting. I thought if I showed my kids I love them dearly, had fun with them, tried my best to keep them safe, taught them what we're suppose to teach out children about life and choices, and tried to set a good example, they'd turn out ok. Well, so far they're not monsters, but they're not exactly what I call ok.
I failed at relationships. I failed to make romantic relationships a priority because raising my kids was my priority and I never met a man worthy of trying to balance the two. Now I fail at relationships because I'm silly enough to expect people to mean what they say and say what they mean. I'm too old for games.
I could list a few more failures, but I'm having a bit of a pity party..... Wondering what do people WANT from me. Sheesh!
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on Nov 19, 2013 21:25:55 GMT -5
Taz - that just sucks I hope they get another placement soon. Such a hard place for all involved. BTW - check out a status I shared on FB recently regarding a baby looking for a placement. Feel free to foward that info along if it would be helpful. DH already told me no. And we don't have the $30k anyway. Thanks. I sent you a PM.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 21, 2013 18:50:18 GMT -5
Hey, PinkCashmere, I am late to the party, too. And I had a major fail today.
I teach an online course. They are still in the process of designing it (it is a year-long course), and somehow I got it into my head that I was supposed to cover four units. Um, no, it was five. I got an email from one of the people in charge asking if I was going to be able to finish in time.
In real life, I would just incorporate the objectives into whatever I was teaching. Online isn't like that. They were supposed to read To Kill a Mockingbird. I still have kids working in Unit 2; there is no way they will be able to read a whole book in about three weeks. Worse, one of the few students who is passing is giving birth in a couple of weeks.
I confessed my sins, came up with an alternative, and launched it. I didn't ask for permission. I just put it out there so my pregnant girl could finish. She's worked hard.
The university will probably fire me. I honestly don't care, though. It was my fault that I screwed up, but it has been very disorienting to be just a unit ahead of the kids. The whole process has been disheartening. But I will get my pregnant girl through so she can give birth in Dec.
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on Nov 21, 2013 21:33:27 GMT -5
I really liked To Kill a Mockingbird. I do love the read, even in middle/high school. To Kill a Mockingbird was the only book I was ever ahead of for the reading schedule. Good luck with the university.
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Jaguar
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Post by Jaguar on Nov 21, 2013 21:36:30 GMT -5
Susanna wishing you all the best.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 23, 2013 19:16:44 GMT -5
I failed with my daughter. She has been home for two whole weeks now, after six months abroad. Tonight she told me how when she finishes school she will move to Hawaii, and she won't ever have to see me or even talk to me ever again.
I'm a failure because I'm an idiot that thought that she had matured, and that things had changed. I'm a failure because despite myself, she hurt me and I cried and it made her happy. I told her, next time, at least be more consistent. Next time you move away, never to see me again, don't ask me for help, don't ask me for money, and above all, don't make me sleep on the couch for two weeks with my computer on so I'm available to you 24/7 when you threaten to kill yourself while you "settle in". Don't make me keep my cell phone on and run up a $300 bill so I can be available to you 24/7.
But she won't talk to me anymore, because "all I can talk about is money".
I'm also a failure because she desperately wants to move out, and we can't afford her private tuition and rent too, and she refuses to take out a loan, and she tells me to ask her bio-dad for money for her. I tell her to ask him yourself, and she tells me I'm not the one who slept with him, you are, you ask him..
At this point, as soon as we get things in order with the rental (or even before), I will borrow 5K money to pay for DD to live in a studio till she finishes school in June, and *I* will happily pay for it myself.
Unfortunately (because on some level I knew this was coming) nothing I have found is in the slightest bit acceptable, so I told her, I'll pay, but YOU need to find a place. And DH (probably rightly thinks) she has no intention of doing so, she's fine here. I'm not, but she is.
At this point it's not for her, it's for me, which is why at this point I'll happily pay for it myself.
Otherwise, just seven months to go, and counting. For the first time in my life I understand why sometimes parents throw children out of the house. I'll keep her one month after graduation, then if I need to, I'll move or change the locks. It's HELL.
It's very, very sad and depressing to feel that way when you've been (stupidly) missing your DD for six months.
.
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Waffle
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Post by Waffle on Nov 23, 2013 19:24:43 GMT -5
That's really sad, Debt. I'm so sorry
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 23, 2013 19:35:37 GMT -5
Thanks Waffle. I probably would have deleted that post, but what the hell. Sadly, it's the truth.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 23, 2013 19:50:47 GMT -5
debt, I'm so sorry you're having issues with your DD.
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Nazgul Girl
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Post by Nazgul Girl on Nov 23, 2013 19:53:03 GMT -5
I failed with my daughter. She has been home for two whole weeks now, after six months abroad. Tonight she told me how when she finishes school she will move to Hawaii, and she won't ever have to see me or even talk to me ever again. I'm a failure because I'm an idiot that thought that she had matured, and that things had changed. I'm a failure because despite myself, she hurt me and I cried and it made her happy. I told her, next time, at least be more consistent. Next time you move away, never to see me again, don't ask me for help, don't ask me for money, and above all, don't make me sleep on the couch for two weeks with my computer on so I'm available to you 24/7 when you threaten to kill yourself while you "settle in". Don't make me keep my cell phone on and run up a $300 bill so I can be available to you 24/7. But she won't talk to me anymore, because "all I can talk about is money". I'm also a failure because she desperately wants to move out, and we can't afford her private tuition and rent too, and she refuses to take out a loan, and she tells me to ask her bio-dad for money for her. I tell her to ask him yourself, and she tells me I'm not the one who slept with him, you are, you ask him.. At this point, as soon as we get things in order with the rental (or even before), I will borrow 5K money to pay for DD to live in a studio till she finishes school in June, and *I* will happily pay for it myself. Unfortunately (because on some level I knew this was coming) nothing I have found is in the slightest bit acceptable, so I told her, I'll pay, but YOU need to find a place. And DH (probably rightly thinks) she has no intention of doing so, she's fine here. I'm not, but she is. At this point it's not for her, it's for me, which is why at this point I'll happily pay for it myself. Otherwise, just seven months to go, and counting. For the first time in my life I understand why sometimes parents throw children out of the house. I'll keep her one month after graduation, then if I need to, I'll move or change the locks. It's HELL. It's very, very sad and depressing to feel that way when you've been (stupidly) missing your DD for six months. . You are not a failure. Right now, your daughter is failing to recognize what a caring mother she has. That being said, I think she's bullying you. She is hurting herself, so she's making the person that probably loves her the most pay for it. I would never cry due to something she says or does again. Never. No matter what she says to you, she's just projecting her ugly feelings about herself onto others. It's too bad that she does that, but if you blow it off, or tell her that she's just hurting herself more when she pulls this stuff, she will knock it off. She really wants you to hurt down deep. I would not pay for jack shit for the little lass until she learns that she's not going to be rewarded for bad or rude behavior. If she thinks that you're going to bargain or contact her biofather on her behalf because " you slept with him " then she's sadly mistaken. But, she's coercing you into spending five thousand euros that you must borrow just to shut her up. You are raising several children, and she's already quite a bit of money spent on her. Just sit tight, and the nastier she gets, the make sure that your wallet gets proportionately tighter and your emotions less vulnerable. She's (sorry) acting like a little b---- toward you, and what do we do with b------s ? We train them to come to heel. You don't need to accept or live with her shabby behavior. Good luck.
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Nov 23, 2013 19:53:53 GMT -5
Damn Debt, that's rough. I'm sorry she's putting you through that.
After she's been knocked around a bit by the school of hard knocks she'll probably start appreciating what you've done for her. So, there's probably a silver lining, you just have to wait to see it.
What a snot. I'm mad now.
Reminds me of a few of my friends that had mom and dad around to pay for college, pay for an apartment, pay for a car, and didn't appreciate any of it. They'd sit there and bitch about this trivial crap and I'm like, "Look asswipe, my mom barely makes enough money to keep a roof over our heads, my dad split when I was 1, and my stepdad is currently in prison, shut the fuck up and go thank your parents for everything they do for you."
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 23, 2013 19:55:38 GMT -5
Thank you Pink, hugs back.
I'm so sorry, SS, I really don't want to hijack this thread. Have you had any news? I think you are probably juggling a few too many balls in the air, but you admitted to your mistake and found a very viable solution, and you visibly care greatly about your students. I too hope they give you a second chance.
And if they don't, I hope you and your DH will enjoy that extra bit of time together!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 23, 2013 19:57:38 GMT -5
Thank you all of you, SO MUCH.
I really don't want to hijack SS's thread any longer but you have all done me a world of good.
Unfortunately, some of us cry easily. Believe me, I wish I didn't.
ETA: Again, I don't want to create another post on this thread but you have all given me food for thought, and I think at this point I will indeed be stepping back rather than trying to make DD happy, because that ambition is indeed fruitless.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Nov 23, 2013 20:40:07 GMT -5
No one can make another person happy.
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Formerly SK
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Post by Formerly SK on Nov 23, 2013 21:03:35 GMT -5
Oh Debt, I'm so sorry. Kids can really be snots (to put it mildly). Your love and concern for her over the past year has practically been palpable from where I stand. I agree with the pp - you can't make her happy and honestly I'd start making very clear boundaries with her. No one should be able to treat you that way. This makes me want to fall on the floor and laugh my head silly. I know you are too close to the situation to laugh, but really, the girl is a riot. You can't reason with that, you really need to write it down in a journal in preparation for a screenplay (and tell her you're going to write it down and ask her to please dish out even more material). Really, it's like the rantings of a toddler. Don't take it seriously.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 23, 2013 21:23:43 GMT -5
His DNA might have trickled out of me, but it's not part of me... So ask him yourself...
(That was a bit crude. I tried to do better, but I'm a bit tired.... )
If it was longer I'd probably suggest showing her the door now. But you can probably hold out... If not though, well, your health and well being should not be sacrificed for hers, particularly because hers sounds iffy anyway... It's a bit like putting on your own oxygen mask first.
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on Nov 23, 2013 22:08:34 GMT -5
debt, I'm so sorry you're having issues with your DD.
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plugginaway22
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Post by plugginaway22 on Nov 23, 2013 22:17:49 GMT -5
How old is your DD? Mine are both now late 20s, and I remember wondering if they would ever be mature adults. It does happen. I also remember during particularly difficult periods wanting nothing more than having them out of the house. Children save their worst behavior for the person they feel closest too. At least that is what I always told myself. They never seemed to behave badly around their father. Good luck, and stand firm for what you will accept in your own home.
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Nazgul Girl
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Post by Nazgul Girl on Nov 24, 2013 7:46:44 GMT -5
I harken back to my own DD, who is the most loving person in the world toward me besides my DH, but a good many years ago, oh boy. I got told a lot of things about myself that really, really hurt me. And, one time, she took on my DH, who had never been anything but kind, nice, and helpful to her. He got informed of some very ugly things about himself, which just aren't true. That really made us angry. Besides hurting him deeply, it changed his opinion of her. She's apologized to us both many times, and I know that she regrets her cruel words ( this was some horrible stuff she said ). I look at her, and I see her biological father's characteristics sometimes, as is to be expected. Being as cruel as possible to people that loved him was one of his modus operandis, too. Thaank God that she has gotten better and more loving in the intervening years. I cried at that time, but not in front of her. I wasn't going to give her that satisfaction, any more than I was going to give it to her father, when he used to be a bastard to me. It's very hard. But, Debthaven, you are only responsible for yourself. Your DD is desperately trying to "pin" something on you, and shift the responsibility for her own decisions to you. Moms can't solve or pay for everything in the world. They have to look out for themselves. That's something that your DD needs to learn. If she's channeling her biodad's characteristics, then that's her problem. You got rid of him, and you don't have to reabsorb the hurts from her. Gotta love those genetics.
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Happy prose
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Post by Happy prose on Nov 24, 2013 9:40:52 GMT -5
When it comes to your kids though, all this advice is easier said than done. Good luck debt.
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Wisconsin Beth
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No, we don't walk away. But when we're holding on to something precious, we run.
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Nov 24, 2013 9:44:25 GMT -5
Good luck Debt. And SS.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 24, 2013 20:10:25 GMT -5
When it comes to your kids though, all this advice is easier said than done. Good luck debt. Ain't that the truth!
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Nazgul Girl
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Post by Nazgul Girl on Nov 24, 2013 20:24:23 GMT -5
For sure. But, Debt has to get through this tough period in her life in order to make the future better for both her daughter and herself.
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