raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Nov 14, 2013 12:06:54 GMT -5
I like to hear about people's success', but right now I'd really like to hear about plans and goals that you made that didn't work out, and what happened next. Did you change or lower goals, go in a different direction, give up entirely?
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Nov 14, 2013 12:10:20 GMT -5
shorter list is probably the successes I tend to be a wee bit critical of myself.
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Regis
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Post by Regis on Nov 14, 2013 12:10:27 GMT -5
Did you change or lower goals, go in a different direction, give up entirely? “Never give in–never, never, never, never, in nothing great or small, large or petty, never give in except to convictions of honour and good sense. Never yield to force; never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy.” - Winston Churchill
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Nov 14, 2013 12:13:03 GMT -5
I thought I would have a business by now, I don't I thought we would have at least 2 rental properties, we don't I thought I would be done with my master's degree, I am not
And of course, I thought my kids would be the best behaved kids, who ate what I gave them, slept when I wanted them and listened every.single.time. They are not. None of them. I am thinking I should have another one, since odds should be in my favor.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Nov 14, 2013 12:13:07 GMT -5
Good thread! We often talk about our successes. But, what about what we have learned from failure?
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Nov 14, 2013 12:13:22 GMT -5
Plan was to go to a 4 year university straight thru and count on all the awesome scholarships people kept assuring me I'd get because of my grades and extracurricular activities.
Yeah. . .not how it worked. So I ended up going the transfer route. It was either that or don't go at all until I could afford to pay a hefty hunk out of pocket myself or take on even more SLs than I already have.
While my SIL balance makes me a tad ill I'm glad I did it the way I did because I got in, got out and got a job in my field before funding started going poof. Also going that route I avoided private loans which seem to be what tripped up a lot of my former classmates. At least mine are all federal.
Lost my first job here in a rather spectacular manner. However once you've been hired you're now an "internal candidate" and for any job you apply for they're pretty much forced to interview you. That's how I ended up in my current lab at the right time. They had to interview me and I was the first person to walk in the door with the animal skills they needed. Despite not knowing how to do 99% of the job I was hired the next day.
A lot of that was pure dumb luck but I also have to give the animal handling skills I've developed credit. If I didn't have those I would have gone into the shred pile.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 14, 2013 12:15:20 GMT -5
I think I have ADHD, so find it hard to stay focused on any goal.
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milee
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Post by milee on Nov 14, 2013 12:19:20 GMT -5
I'm failing my youngest son right now.
He's not in the right school environment for his needs at this age, but I haven't found a good alternative. He's struggling academically so he's starting to think he's stupid. I'm frustrated with him and lose patience when I'm trying to help and so now he doesn't even always ask for or want help. He's miserable and I'm miserable and it's taking me forever to figure out the things that can change to help him.
Sucks.
But I know I will figure it out, we'll make whatever changes are needed or do whatever work needs to be done and he'll be OK. And I'll be OK. But it's not fun right now.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 14, 2013 12:19:30 GMT -5
Me too, LW!
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cronewitch
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Post by cronewitch on Nov 14, 2013 12:26:43 GMT -5
Faulty memory I can't remember the goals I gave up on.
I failed at marriage. I told him when I married him I would stay married 50 years until the party then divorce him, nobody I knew married more than 50 was still happy. I divorced him after 17 and felt like a total failure.
I failed to have children. I tried everything I could think of like fertility drugs but no luck. I was so desperate I almost tried sex.
I failed a few dozen diets.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Nov 14, 2013 12:28:32 GMT -5
Hardest thing was for me to drop out of my PhD program. I'm now ABD. This is the first time I have not completed something that I started.
I ran into a lot of roadblocks while trying to write my thesis that ate up time and I simply ran out of it. My original project I had completed about half of it when I determined that the Medicaid numbers I had received were wrong....really wrong. A lot of it was GIGO and I had done a lot before I realized that the numbers were impossible. Punted on this, but I had a Plan B AND I had the data. Only problem was that the PI that did the research was no longer in our lab and I needed her ok. She took several months to get back to me to get the ok. In the meantime, the university shut down my email address and I lost access to the university resources that I needed (statistic packages, library). It took another month to get that one resolved because that was over the Christmas holidays.
So when I finally got all the oks, and was set up I had less than 6 months to do it (and organize a move). I submitted my first 40 pages of the thesis and still had 3 months to complete it, it took my advisor over 8 weeks to get back to me with corrections and comments, so I had to go on the assumption that I was doing ok. The statistician NEVER did get back to me and I needed her imput on what I wanted to do. Had I been on campus, I could have walked over there and met with them but it is a lot easier to ignore a phone call or email than a person.
It still stings.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Nov 14, 2013 12:30:40 GMT -5
I'm failing my youngest son right now. He's not in the right school environment for his needs at this age, but I haven't found a good alternative. He's struggling academically so he's starting to think he's stupid. I'm frustrated with him and lose patience when I'm trying to help and so now he doesn't even always ask for or want help. He's miserable and I'm miserable and it's taking me forever to figure out the things that can change to help him. Sucks. But I know I will figure it out, we'll make whatever changes are needed or do whatever work needs to be done and he'll be OK. And I'll be OK. But it's not fun right now. Hugs Milee. I know some of how you feel, I think. For me, failure with my kids is so much more painful than failure of my own. But fails for me: degree in archaeology vacation house good homecooked meals.
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Nov 14, 2013 12:31:34 GMT -5
Hey! If it helps anybody, getting old does have an advantage, or two. You forget the failures a lot faster than you forget the successes!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 14, 2013 12:32:02 GMT -5
“Never give in–never, never, never, never, in nothing great or small, large or petty, never give in except to convictions of honour and good sense. Never yield to force; never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy.” - Winston Churchill [/quote] I'm more of a "you got to know when to hold 'em and know when to fold 'em and when to walk away" type of person. Biggest failure was my first marriage, especially propping up my first husband financially for years. Fortunately I married better the second time although we just had an interesting discussion because I'm scared to psend too much because I might need it when I'm 95. Second failure was losing my job at age 42. I got stagnant. I have not let that happen since. Interestingly, I think on eof the best things I taught DS was how to fail. H'es changed jobs 3 times within his ocmpany and has been promoted regularly but he hasn't always gotten the jobs he applied for. He just picks himself up, figures out what he can improve, and tries again. If you challenge yourself you'll fail sometimes. What's important is knowing how to handle it.
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wvugurl26
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Post by wvugurl26 on Nov 14, 2013 12:33:08 GMT -5
That is a really crappy one mich. I remember you working on the thesis stuff.
Let me see, five years out of grad school I still don't have my fraud examiner's license.
I thought my student loans would be close to done by now. I started out paying extra on them. Life happened and I've been on income based payments for a few years. My payments are still going 100% to interest.
The CC debt from underemployment and living alone in a HCOL area.
ETA: losing my first professional job. In hindsight it was a horrible fit but it was devastating at the time. I questioned everything in those dark days.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Nov 14, 2013 12:37:11 GMT -5
I often feel like a failure at life when I read YM and compare myself to other posters, especially ones close to my own age.
When I do that I take a break and I re-examine my life. I have different priorities and when I compare myself to the non-YM universe I'm doing pretty good. I was fretting about finances concerning having another kid and a poster on another board told me I'll be fine I sound like I'm really in control of my finances.
The anoymous compliment really made me feel better because when I look at my bank statements, my retirement account returns, SL balance etc and then read YM I sure as hell don't feel like I'm doing anything right.
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swamp
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THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
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Post by swamp on Nov 14, 2013 12:38:00 GMT -5
I ran for judge and lost. I'm much heavier than I should be. I don't feel like a good parent. I feel like um failing my daughter because she's heavier than she should be and has anxiety issues I regularly fail my husband because I'm not a very good wife.
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Wisconsin Beth
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No, we don't walk away. But when we're holding on to something precious, we run.
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Nov 14, 2013 12:39:22 GMT -5
You know, if we're going to do this, we need some munchies and booze.
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vonna
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Post by vonna on Nov 14, 2013 12:40:24 GMT -5
Listing my failures would be too depressing. . . . . . there's a reason I have selective memory!!
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Nov 14, 2013 12:40:30 GMT -5
I ran for judge and lost. I'm much heavier than I should be. I don't feel like a good parent. I feel like um failing my daughter because she's heavier than she should be and has anxiety issues I regularly fail my husband because I'm not a very good wife. You are! Can't comment on the rest of it, bc I don't know, but you ARE a good parent.
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Sam_2.0
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Post by Sam_2.0 on Nov 14, 2013 12:44:35 GMT -5
Can't really remember anything that I spectacularly failed at. Not that I am perfect or anything, but I tend to not try things unless I know I have a decent shot at accomplishing them, so I probably short-change myself a lot and miss out on good experiences for fear of trying. I have felt like a complete failure this year, but circumstances were completely outside of my control (no matter how hard I tried to control them).
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wvugurl26
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Post by wvugurl26 on Nov 14, 2013 12:48:12 GMT -5
Sam, I really admire your grace and strength in how you handled everything this year. I don't see that as a failure. I see an awesome mom who never gave up and tried everything to give that little girl a shot at life.
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on Nov 14, 2013 12:48:59 GMT -5
Sam, I really admire your grace and strength in how you handled everything this year. I don't see that as a failure. I see an awesome mom who never gave up and tried everything to give that little girl a shot at life. Soooooooooooooooooooo yeah that! (((((hugs))))) Sam
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Nov 14, 2013 12:51:38 GMT -5
Well, I was a pretty shitty partner for my husband for the first 10 years of our relationship, including 5 years of marriage. And by shitty, I mean verbally/emotionally abusive. This is really the only time I consider myself a failure. Ok. Not true. I failed my first kid for his first year of life by not bonding with him. I bought into the whole "only REAL mothers breastfeed their kids and change every diaper every day and are there to watch every little milestone happen the instant it happens and tend to every single emotional need" So I stayed away. My DH was a full time SAHP and I couldn't breastfeed. So, I figured there was nothing else I could contribute. So I didn't.
I'm super risk adverse. So, it has led to what some people would consider failures. But I do not consider them failures. I have a fairly lowish paying day job for a family of 5. If we just had that income, we'd qualify for social services, like WIC, free/reduced lunch, free classes through the rec department. But, I have a pension, good benefits, job flexibility, and pretty decent security. (As long as I don't break any laws, I should have a job.)
I ended up changing career paths. The goal I was trained for was to be an orchestral musician. I rejected the path in favor for settling down and getting in a position to start a family. Some people equate that with giving up on my dreams/being a failure. That's their problem. I'm not going to apologize for choose to be a good YMer (have a job, FFEF, and only mortgage as debt) before procreating. And, given my infertility issues, I'm glad we didn't try to wait until I was 40 to try to start having kids.
Another "failure" is that I don't finish any of my craft projects that I start. Again, it doesn't bother me. I'm a process person, not a product person. I also tend to get bored easily looking at the same project for months/years on end.
I'm also really overweight. But, I'm not ready to make the commitment to change my behaviors to lose the weight. I don't complain about it, and I'm aware of the problem. I figure I'll know when I'm ready to really, really fix the issue. Until then, it is what it is.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 14, 2013 12:52:00 GMT -5
I'm about to "fail" relatively soon.... not going into detail on this one.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Nov 14, 2013 12:53:59 GMT -5
You know, if we're going to do this, we need some munchies and booze. And Kleenex The parenting fails are the ones that can drag me down for days, so I'm going to sit over here in Lala Land and pretend I've never screwed up.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Nov 14, 2013 12:58:37 GMT -5
Hugs Jen. We've got your back on whatever it is.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 14, 2013 13:00:00 GMT -5
I'm about to "fail" relatively soon.... not going into detail on this one. We're around if you ever want to talk about it.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Nov 14, 2013 13:00:23 GMT -5
I'm about to "fail" relatively soon.... not going into detail on this one. We're around if you ever want to talk about it.
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vonna
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Post by vonna on Nov 14, 2013 13:01:09 GMT -5
I'm about to "fail" relatively soon.... not going into detail on this one. Just remember, that sometimes we think we have failed . . . then after some time passes, we realize that instead, we moved forward.
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