When have you failed?

[happyscooter]

I have failed at too many things. Important things. But I pick myself up and move on. And try not to look back.

[zibazinski]

Trust me, I raised the daughter from hell.  This forum kept me from totally losing it.  She isn't perfect now but damn close! Hang in there but take no crap. It does her and your relationship no favors.  Turning point for DD and myself was my ultimatum to her. Yes, I could have played my hand and lost but turned out I played my hand and won. But I was serious about walking out of her life until she stopped her self destructive path and her blaming everyone but herself for her behavior and her choices. Had I done it sooner, I wouldn't still harbor resentment for what she put me through. As it is, I have to swallow it down. Occasionally she apologizes and acknowledges what she put me through, but I allowed it, too. 

[zibazinski]

Btw, my DD pulled the same comment with me about her sperm donor. Don't let your guilt over that guide you. I did and it did me no favors.

[Pants]

@debthaven2 - Debt, I've said it before, I'll say it again. NORMAL teenage girls are monsters to their mothers until at least 22. As long as you don't think something is seriously wrong with her (like pathalogically), just do the best you can, and she will grow up and realize she's been a horse's ass. Every single girl I know pulled some crap with their moms like what your daughter was pulling. They all now have perfectly acceptable, if not entirely perfect, relationships with their parents.

It sucks, and now I have a young daughter and I get to look forward to that hell. My mother reminds me at least weekly.

[chen35]

Nov 25, 2013 13:39:33 GMT -5 Pants said:

@debthaven2 - Debt, I've said it before, I'll say it again. NORMAL teenage girls are monsters to their mothers until at least 22. As long as you don't think something is seriously wrong with her (like pathalogically), just do the best you can, and she will grow up and realize she's been a horse's ass. Every single girl I know pulled some crap with their moms like what your daughter was pulling. They all now have perfectly acceptable, if not entirely perfect, relationships with their parents.

It sucks, and now I have a young daughter and I get to look forward to that hell. My mother reminds me at least weekly.

I was horrible to my mother, and I would like to think I'm basically a decent human being otherwise. I don't know what it is about that relationship that causes so much friction?

[sheilaincali]

Nov 25, 2013 13:39:33 GMT -5 Pants said:

@debthaven2 - Debt, I've said it before, I'll say it again. NORMAL teenage girls are monsters to their mothers until at least 22. As long as you don't think something is seriously wrong with her (like pathalogically), just do the best you can, and she will grow up and realize she's been a horse's ass. Every single girl I know pulled some crap with their moms like what your daughter was pulling. They all now have perfectly acceptable, if not entirely perfect, relationships with their parents.

It sucks, and now I have a young daughter and I get to look forward to that hell. My mother reminds me at least weekly.

My parents still cringe and have flashbacks when they remember my teen years.  I used to refer to my family as "you people" and it drove them crazy.  My mom and I aren't super close now, as in call each other twice a day close.  But we have a decent relationship and get along fine.  My dad and I get along great now.  But for a few years there it was very rocky and 97% all my fault.  I put them through hell- skipping school, sneaking out at night, tattoos, married someone that they hated, etc.  They cheered when I said I wanted a divorce 4 months later. 

[Chocolate Lover]

Nov 25, 2013 13:39:33 GMT -5 Pants said:

@debthaven2 - Debt, I've said it before, I'll say it again. NORMAL teenage girls are monsters to their mothers until at least 22. As long as you don't think something is seriously wrong with her (like pathalogically), just do the best you can, and she will grow up and realize she's been a horse's ass. Every single girl I know pulled some crap with their moms like what your daughter was pulling. They all now have perfectly acceptable, if not entirely perfect, relationships with their parents.

It sucks, and now I have a young daughter and I get to look forward to that hell. My mother reminds me at least weekly.

My mom refuses to discuss it at all. I haven't decided yet if it's bad memory and won't admit she doesn't recall or PTSD. I kind of vote for the PTSD though. 

[Deleted]

You guys all rock. Thank you. 

To answer Pluggin's question, DD turned 21 late last summer. She has been absolutely angelic since that episode. She has been happily working downstairs with us, instead of being holed up in her room like she usually is.

I know that this too shall pass. I know she has "issues", but I definitely don't think there is any psychopathy involved, not at all. Tonight when I came home from rehearsal she was downstairs (rare for her), and greeted me very nicely. She waited for DH and DS3 to leave the room, and told me she is having a very hard time with the fact that her former BF of 4.5 years has a new girlfriend. (They ended things while DD was in CA, supposedly by mutual consent, but SHE was the driving factor, because she wanted "to be free". Now she's back home and she regrets it. It hurts, believe me, I know. But that's life. That was her decision, and everything has consequences.)

No, it's obviously NOT a reason to treat me like Shite, but I'm happy that she's really "talking" to me. She tends to stay in her bedroom with her pet bunny, but since that awful episode, she has made the effort to stay downstairs with us (me, DH and DS3) and work (study) downstairs. 

BSB, I have a(n undergrad) degree in psychology, I read A LOT, I know all about Freud, but frankly, I still don't understand why mother-daughter relationships tend to be so fraught. I have a great relationship with my 3 boys ... they have had, and occasionally still have, their moments. But they were never "vicious" like DD is, and they were always so much franker, and less manipulative, and less complicated than DD.  

I told my boss about this today (she comes to my campus from the main campus on Mondays). She has become a close friend at this point. She said, it's common courtesy ... you leave the house, you tell the people in the house where you are going, and why. (Because there was an episode about that too). Today I left at 7:30 pm for choir practice, said, Bye, see you later, and DD raced down the stairs and screamed out, "Where are you going?!" (DH and DS are used to my going out on Monday nights.) I told DD, choir practice for our next play, I've already told you I have choir practice every Monday night.

I was SOOO tempted to tell her, "None of your F-bomb business," just like she has recently taken to telling us. But I refrained LOL. 

Again, thank you all. 

[Deleted]

I need to go to bed now, and I hope my part of this thread will finally die down.

Susanna, I'm truly sorry for "hijacking" your thread. Have you heard anything from the university? I really hope they give you another chance, it was such a minor "blip" in the scheme of things. Yes obviously you were wrong not to have realized that it was 5 units instead of 4, but hey, even teachers are human sometimes LOL.

If a new teacher had made the same mistake, they probably would never have known how to incorporate the essentials from Unit 5 into the other lessons. And kudos to you for making sure your pregnant student finishes her class. 

I truly hope they give you another chance ... and that once given that chance, you finish out this online teaching for the school year, end on a good note, and then tell them you've decided not to do it next year.

I would take it as a sign that perhaps it's time to give yourself just a little bit of a break?! All the best to you, as always. 

[Deleted]

Nov 25, 2013 19:56:04 GMT -5 @debthaven2 said:

BSB, I have a(n undergrad) degree in psychology, I read A LOT, I know all about Freud, but frankly, I still don't understand why mother-daughter relationships tend to be so fraught. I have a great relationship with my 3 boys ... they have had, and occasionally still have, their moments. But they were never "vicious" like DD is, and they were always so much franker, and less manipulative, and less complicated than DD.  

Just my observations, but I tend to notice that girls usually throw down with their moms, and boys often start battles with dads.  

All three of us sisters were pretty much daddy's girls, we had our tussles with mom in our varying ways.  Almost all our guy friends got along fine with their moms, even if the moms did questionable stuff and/or remarried jerks, while they'd rage about their dads or stepfathers, or hold broken promises from them a lot longer.

My guess is it's partly hind brain, and partly the same gender parent is the one that the kid is either deciding to model after or not in whatever respects, so there's a lot more scrutiny.  They're the closest potential template, and decisions are assessed more keenly/harshly.

Good luck with your daughter!  It does get better!  



As for what I've failed at: oh god.  So. Much.  I was the kid mom had to collar to keep from heading off on my own in stores, and I'll take flying leaps off cliffs if the odds seem worthwhile.  I generally allow that my first attempt at anything will be an utter disaster, and am surprised when it's not 

I've gotten truly KO'd a couple times at life; turns out I need a partner to head off into the yonder with, or I shake apart mentally from lack of contact.  That's embarrassing.  I'm still plumper than I would like, after being US Marine style fit and strong (using male standards) in high school.  I'm still sort of messy given the freedom, and get daunted now that I have more life experience.  I'm too intense and head-down at work.  I care a lot, and I get large volumes done to very high standards, but I don't have that free and easy mellowness that lends itself to promotions.

Life is a work in progress.  I push myself, so it's inevitable that I'll fail repeatedly in the future too.  I try to have the attitude that if I learned at least one thing from it, the experience was worthwhile.  And sometimes fails are so spectacular that they're great stories or build a lot of empathy, which I find worthwhile too 

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

I haven't read this whole thread, but I thought I'd throw some stuff in: 

I failed at behaving my senior year of high school. My dad literally has a plaque engraved with "anything less than perfection is failure". 
While he did apologize for that about seven years ago, it's pretty difficult to get over being raised with that. So, instead of being the perfect child who graduated at the top of her class and went to a prestigious university, I got pregnant and went to CC. I got married because I felt like since I had the guy's baby, no one else would marry me. My dad tried so hard to keep me from getting married. So, I failed myself and failed at my first marriage. I'm glad I got married for the simple fact I have my second baby. I also have a Master's degree, so I fixed that issue also. 

My current failure is being a daughter. I cannot get over the issue I have with my mother choosing my XH over me. I cannot get over how she treated my father. He could be a jerk, but she was just absolutley hateful the last ten years. (He passed in Feb 2012.) I cannot stand how judgemental she is. She was at my house this weekend, and I just struggle so much with communicating with her. I want it to be a better relationship, but there's so much I cannot move past. 

I also fail at being a compassionate person. I don't know how to fix that. 

[Nazgul Girl]

    Thanks for the update, Debt.   Glad that things are giong better.

    Chloe, I see my DD going through similar issues with her bio father.   He and his 2nd wife are just hateful to her, on the rare occasion that they choose to even bother speaking with her.   She struggles with her father cutting her out of his life every day, even if she doesn't always voice it to me.   We remember her crying so many times about it when she was younger.

    You are a good and loveable person.   It shines through in your posts.    Your mother must have some demons she struggles with, and sometimes parents pick on a kid when they can't face their own imperfections.   I was sometimes picked on by my mother throughout her life, and I show some of the scars.   I also have a very perfectionistic father, and even though he is quite old now, he's still criticizing and "teaching" me.   What crap.   I love/d both of my parents very much, but I have always felt separated from them, since the overriding message which I received while growing up was that I was just not good enough.   I have decided that I am more than good enough, for ME.  

    If you don't like contact with your mother, I would just see her for a few short hours a couple of times per year.   We aren't obligated to spend time with those who are disagreeable to us.   We're going to be seeing my DF in January, but we will make sure we schedule in many activities that we'll do on our own, and also, we always stay in separate accomodations.  

    I guess we're all working with some difficulty or other from our pasts.  

[msventoux]

Nov 25, 2013 21:15:39 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

My current failure is being a daughter. I cannot get over the issue I have with my mother choosing my XH over me. I cannot get over how she treated my father. He could be a jerk, but she was just absolutley hateful the last ten years. (He passed in Feb 2012.) I cannot stand how judgemental she is. She was at my house this weekend, and I just struggle so much with communicating with her. I want it to be a better relationship, but there's so much I cannot move past. 

I also fail at being a compassionate person. I don't know how to fix that. 

I'm failing at the compassion/good daughter thing too.  My mother recently passed away and my father is constantly calling and wanting to come by because he's bored and or lonely.  I rarely answer the phone or door.  He's been such an ass his entire life that he doesn't really have any friends, and we've never had a particularly good relationship; I tolerated him because of her.   I get that her being gone is a big adjustment for him, but I really don't want to get sucked into his life.  I might feel differently if there was an indication that he cared about anything other than himself, but there's been no acknowledgement or understanding of what others have lost.  I'm forcing myself to have some contact and try to be a good person, but it's not coming easily to me.


 

[taz157]

msven - I'm sorry on the loss of your mother.   

[Jaguar]

Major hugs to everyone,

[shanendoah]

On Friday 11/15, when I first saw this post (but had no time to post myself) I pretty much would have told you I felt like I was failing at everything.

These last couple of weeks have been incredibly stressful. I got selected to sit on a jury right at the time my boss was looking over the progress in the last 5 months and deciding he needed to become more involved in my new department. Now he phrases it as his failure to fully support the pilot and leaving me on my own too long, but any time you use the phrase "If you feel you have to do that, then you should fire me" in conversation with your boss (and let me just say it was in regards to something else, not to him paying more attention to my pilot program), then things are not kosher.
This is my first really big opportunity, job wise, and maybe I am not getting the support I need from the higher ups, but it sure feels like I am failing when my boss starts to feel like he needs to check in with me every day.

In addition, to that, our daughter broke her arm about 5 weeks ago. I was right at the start of my bus ride home the night it happened when C called asking me where the nearest ER was. My bus commute, which normally takes 1 hour took 2 hours, so my little girl was in the ER with a broken arm for over 2 hours before I could get there. Yes, C was there the whole time, but I'm still the mom.
2 weeks after that, when C took her in for a follow up appointment (also on a Friday), I actually got home an hour early. I had expected C and Pop Tart to be home by then, but it wasn't inconceivable that they weren't, so I didn't really stress and took the dogs out. I came back in and checked my phone noticing that I'd missed a call from C during my drive from the park and ride to the house. He had forgotten his cell at home, and was calling from the doctor's office, and if I hadn't talked to him by the time I got the message, I should call him there. Which I tried to do, but it was after 5, and I couldn't get anything other than an answering machine. So I got in the car and drove to the doctor's office. I got there just in time for them to be putting a new cast on Pop Tart's arm, after them having had to reset the bones. She was once again traumatized, and I had once again not been there for her.
Fast forward to the 15th. Pop Tart is supposed to have another follow up appt. I sent C a text reminding him, but not until 5 minutes before the appt should have started. 30 minutes later, I get a call from the doctor's office. Me, I get it, not C, even though I have him listed as the FIRST contact on every piece of paperwork, but I'm the mom. So they called me- were you aware of the appt? I said yes, but that her dad was supposed to be bringing her, and then we set up a follow up appt for Monday.
I tried to call C to find out what had happened, but got no answer. I popped over to FB briefly to see if I could get a message to him. No answer. So then I'm starting to worry about traffic accidents, etc. I called the roommate and asked him to have C call me, if C was home and the roommie got home. 10 minutes later (I had got roomie J on his way home) C called. I wanted to be annoyed with him, but Pop Tart started having a breakdown in the background when she heard the words "doctor visit", so guess what, I don't get to have a fit when she's having a fit.
Oh, and to go along with this, she had not felt good on that Wednesday night. She said she felt better Thursday morning, so we sent her to school. I was at work (30+ minutes away) when I got a phone call from the school nurse. (Once again, C is the listed as the primary contact on all paperwork, but they don't call him. They call me.) She wasn't feeling well and the nurse wanted to send her home. I'm far away, about to go into an important meeting (with the workgroup that is asking my boss what I am doing all day and hinting that maybe he needs to watch me all day, which is what prompted my above referenced comment about firing me) AND I start my jury service that afternoon, so I cannot come get Pop Tart.
C is in class, about 45 minutes away from Pop Tart's school, and has his phone turned off. (And before you think that explains why the nurse called me and not him, she didn't get right through to me, either. She left me a voice mail. She did not even call him.) So once again, I turned to J, and he agreed to finish up what he was doing at work (about 10 minutes away from the school) and go pick Pop Tart up.
So that was a fail, too. My daughter is sick, and I can't even go get her from school or work from home that afternoon because I have to be in court on a jury.

So yeah, last Friday, I was failing at both work and parenting, and I couldn't even complain to C because he was the one dealing with Pop Tart's breakdowns at home.

It did get better, but not until last Wednesday night. Court was cancelled for the day due to witness scheduling. I had a full day to spend at work and was able to get a number of things done, but it felt like my boss was keeping me out of the loop regarding the meeting that Thursday with the work group, so I was still stressing about that. But, I was able to come home and talk to C about it. I told him that for the first time, I understood how someone could lose their job and their spouse not know about it, because I hadn't felt able to talk to him about my stress when he was having to deal with all of Pop Tart's stress.
Then Pop Tart had a mini-breakdown that evening (two days before the adoption hearing, so not unexpected) and I was able to just sit with her and hold her and talk to her, which turned out to be something we both needed.

I think the lesson for me is that sometimes stress gets to all of us, and sitting down and taking a moment to just talk about it and acknowledge it is a good thing. Which is why I think this thread is actually helpful. We all have bad times. Trying to pretend those bad times don't exist doesn't actually get us through them any faster.


Other things I have failed at:
Keeping my full ride scholarship- lost it after 4 semesters (should have lost it after 3)
Joining the Peace Corp after graduation (I had done everything and was just waiting for an assignment when I pulled myself out)
Getting a Masters degree in Museum Studies (one of the reasons we moved to Seattle was that UW has one of about 10-15 masters in museums studies programs in the country)
Paying off my undergrad student loans in the 10 years it was supposed to take (I think I still owed more than I'd originally borrowed at the 10 year mark)
And I don't even want to go into the ways I feel like I failed our first two dogs. Let's just say that I was still couldn't think about Moree without bursting into tears over a year after we lost him, mostly due to my regrets about his last day. It wasn't quite as bad with Smokey, but there was still a lot of shoulda/woulda/coulda that I beat myself up with.

[shanendoah]

HoneyBBQ - I know we don't always agree on politics (but then, I don't always agree on politics with C, so I see no reason for that to be a big deal), but if you ever want to get together for a coffee or whatever, let me know. I like you enough here that I would love the chance to get to know you in person, and we live in the same general area.

TheHaitian - Please don't feel like a failure for fertility issues. That is nothing you have any control over. Sometimes the way we start families is not the way we imagined we would or the way we first tried. I adopted. We have friends who are finally pregnant after years of fertility issues and treatments (they are older than me, which means older than you). But if you want to talk about it, or have questions about how we came to our decision, please feel free to PM me.

[zibazinski]

A fair amount of posters know my mom was a lot less than perfect. But I would never been allowed to say or do anything to express my anger at her treatment of me at any time during our relationship and that includes even when I did not live with her. The consequences of my actions would have been painful, for me. Probably why I let DD get away with so much disrespect.  I did look into boarding school but was told by my lawyer that her sperm donor who never paid would be able to go to court and get custody and that I knew would be the end of DDs life. Before she died, I did tell her some of my feelings. She tried to spin it but I wouldn't let her. Just told her I needed to be heard whether she agreed or not. That helped ME and that's what I needed.  She can rest in the peace she never gave another human being.

[Pants]

hugs shane. hopefully things are turning around for pop tart with her arm and for you as a family as the adoption is finalized and you get back to work from jury duty.


debthaven - I'm not sure it's psychological. I think it's partly biological (a recent study I read suggested that human women go through menopause so they aren't competing with their daughters for resources to raise kids and instead help to raise those kids) and partly sociological. There are societies where mother/daughter relationships are not so fraught, but definitely not in ours. I think this is even more of a 20th/21st century problem and has to do with the additional choices women face/things they are supposed to achieve while still being strongly circumscribed in their behavior by society. But those are just my random musings and aren't well thought through.

[HoneyBBQ]

Nov 26, 2013 1:11:03 GMT -5 shanendoah said:

HoneyBBQ - I know we don't always agree on politics (but then, I don't always agree on politics with C, so I see no reason for that to be a big deal), but if you ever want to get together for a coffee or whatever, let me know. I like you enough here that I would love the chance to get to know you in person, and we live in the same general area.

Awww, thanks shanendoah, you are sweet. I would like that.  


*searches back through past political posts to see if I was an ass*

[HoneyBBQ]

Debt- I just read your post. I'm so sorry. I can't imagine how hurtful that must be to hear that. I hope your DD wises up with time and changes her mind. ((hugs))

[giramomma]

Nov 25, 2013 21:15:39 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

My current failure is being a daughter. I cannot get over the issue I have with my mother choosing my XH over me. I cannot get over how she treated my father. He could be a jerk, but she was just absolutley hateful the last ten years. (He passed in Feb 2012.) I cannot stand how judgemental she is. She was at my house this weekend, and I just struggle so much with communicating with her. I want it to be a better relationship, but there's so much I cannot move past. 

I also fail at being a compassionate person. I don't know how to fix that. 

Here's one thing I've learned as a "failure" daughter myself. I want to be in a better relationship, too with my folks. So I worked hard to clean up my end of the street. However, I cannot fix any relationship by myself. Even if I do all my work, and the other party of the relationship is not interested in making the relationship better, it's never going to get better. It's at this point that acceptance becomes your best friend, honestly. For me, personally, I also had to move through the five stages of grief to get to acceptance.

Practically, speaking, I always had good luck with pre-planning communications. I stick to topics that I know are safe. If it veers off to a an unsafe conversation, it's always a one sentence answer followed by another question "What do you think of the way the city handled (a particular event)? How about the (insert name of local sports team)? Is the new pool boy cute?"

I also make sure that I'm not the subject of conversation. I've learned that sometimes, talking at me (rather than having a conversation with me) is enough to fulfill the other person's needs.  Being talked at requires much less risk (emotionally speaking), and is much easier to manage, particularly when coupled with the safe topics.

[HoneyBBQ]

God, I don't think I can handle my DD once she becomes a hateful teen. Please, can I just keep her as a cute little 2 yr old forever? I don't mind the temper tantrums and diaper changes. I am very afraid. 

[chen35]

DSD - 9 is already showing the signs. She is so disrespectful to her mother! I have come through unscathed so far. Not sure how much longer it can last...

[raeoflyte]

Nov 26, 2013 11:26:59 GMT -5 HoneyBBQ said:

God, I don't think I can handle my DD once she becomes a hateful teen. Please, can I just keep her as a cute little 2 yr old forever? I don't mind the temper tantrums and diaper changes. I am very afraid. 

I was thinking about this same thing this morning while playing with dd.  I can't imagine fighting with her.  

But there is hope.  I never had issues with my mom.  I was too busy trying to cover my tracks of everything else I was doing that I didn't want to give my parents any reason to wonder what I was up to.  So I kept my grades up and my attitude in check.  Is it better to hope that my kids are really good liars or that we have a few years of real turmoil?  

[Pants]

I think I failed to put deoderant on this morning. Oops.

[HoneyBBQ]

Nov 26, 2013 12:14:36 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

Nov 26, 2013 11:26:59 GMT -5 HoneyBBQ said:

God, I don't think I can handle my DD once she becomes a hateful teen. Please, can I just keep her as a cute little 2 yr old forever? I don't mind the temper tantrums and diaper changes. I am very afraid. 

I was thinking about this same thing this morning while playing with dd.  I can't imagine fighting with her.  

But there is hope.  I never had issues with my mom.  I was too busy trying to cover my tracks of everything else I was doing that I didn't want to give my parents any reason to wonder what I was up to.  So I kept my grades up and my attitude in check.  Is it better to hope that my kids are really good liars or that we have a few years of real turmoil?  

I just... don't even know where to start. I had a horrible relationship with my own mother. And even though our circumstances are light years apart-  I don't even know how to begin to prevent the downward spiral with my child. Maybe I can't prevent it... just know it is coming... and hope I have the strength to weather the storm. 

[Pants]

Nov 26, 2013 12:22:36 GMT -5 HoneyBBQ said:

Nov 26, 2013 12:14:36 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

I was thinking about this same thing this morning while playing with dd.  I can't imagine fighting with her.  

But there is hope.  I never had issues with my mom.  I was too busy trying to cover my tracks of everything else I was doing that I didn't want to give my parents any reason to wonder what I was up to.  So I kept my grades up and my attitude in check.  Is it better to hope that my kids are really good liars or that we have a few years of real turmoil?  

I just... don't even know where to start. I had a horrible relationship with my own mother. And even though our circumstances are light years apart-  I don't even know how to begin to prevent the downward spiral with my child. Maybe I can't prevent it... just know it is coming... and hope I have the strength to weather the storm. 

Honey, I am afraid it's probably the latter. There are things I am thinking about, even though she's still so young, that I will try to instill in her as she grows and hope they stand her in good stead for the 10 years she refuses to listen to a word I say.

[HoneyBBQ]

Nov 26, 2013 12:27:48 GMT -5 Pants said:

Nov 26, 2013 12:22:36 GMT -5 HoneyBBQ said:

I just... don't even know where to start. I had a horrible relationship with my own mother. And even though our circumstances are light years apart-  I don't even know how to begin to prevent the downward spiral with my child. Maybe I can't prevent it... just know it is coming... and hope I have the strength to weather the storm. 

Honey, I am afraid it's probably the latter. There are things I am thinking about, even though she's still so young, that I will try to instill in her as she grows and hope they stand her in good stead for the 10 years she refuses to listen to a word I say.

Ugh. I seriously tear up just thinking about it. Please someone tell me it's doable and once you get a wonderful adult child who is productive and thoughtful it is all worth it. 

[raeoflyte]

Nov 26, 2013 12:30:15 GMT -5 HoneyBBQ said:

Nov 26, 2013 12:27:48 GMT -5 Pants said:

Honey, I am afraid it's probably the latter. There are things I am thinking about, even though she's still so young, that I will try to instill in her as she grows and hope they stand her in good stead for the 10 years she refuses to listen to a word I say.

Ugh. I seriously tear up just thinking about it. Please someone tell me it's doable and once you get a wonderful adult child who is productive and thoughtful it is all worth it. 

I like Rukh's suggestion too to treat teen outbursts with the same emotional control as a toddlers temper tantrums.  Really they are driven by the same issues--emotion and hormones and the lack of maturity to effectively communicate.  I'm not sure if I'll have the maturity to handle it that way, but I am tucking that away for when it happens. 

And nothing is written in stone.  I don't remember having any angst towards my mother as a teen/young adult.  Maybe I was just too self absorbed?