sheilaincali
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 17:55:24 GMT -5
Posts: 4,131
|
Post by sheilaincali on Nov 14, 2013 14:17:14 GMT -5
Drama- It has it's perks but it's still awkward when people are on FB being all doctors and lawyers and shit and I'm all "I work for my dad". That's why I only refer to him as "Bossman" if I talk about work on FB- hoping that keeps it vague enough that most people don't realize that I work for my dad.
It's not bad just not where I expected to be at this point in my life.
|
|
NomoreDramaQ1015
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
Posts: 48,082
Member is Online
|
Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Nov 14, 2013 14:21:53 GMT -5
Yeah it's awkward when I read about people buying homes, apartments etc and I rent from my parents. Who also happen to live right across the street. It's a win-win set-up for us and my parents. Gwen adores being so close to her grandparents but it feels embarassing to be 30 and rent from my parents. I feel like from a YM standpoint I might as well be living in their basement doomed to loserville. It feels like I "should" own a house or something by now even though I admit to myself I don't have much desire to be a homeowner, I'm totally fine with renting. Then I'm a YM loser because I am a no-good lousy teneat instead of a landlord making profits off losers like me.
|
|
sheilaincali
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 17:55:24 GMT -5
Posts: 4,131
|
Post by sheilaincali on Nov 14, 2013 14:27:00 GMT -5
It's ok- I'm 38 and I rent a house that my parents bought for me. To be fair I couldn't get a mortgage after the foreclosure in 2009. I pay all the maintenance, taxes, insurance, mortgage, etc. on what they call "my" house. I'm supposed to be transferring the mortgage into my name but I've been dragging my feet on that. In 2005 I had a huge 6,000 SF custom built home in an exclusive neighborhood and now I rent a 2400 SF house that my parents had to buy. I had a rough couple of years there.
|
|
reader79
Well-Known Member
Joined: Dec 30, 2010 8:48:07 GMT -5
Posts: 1,053
|
Post by reader79 on Nov 14, 2013 14:30:09 GMT -5
You know, if we're going to do this, we need some munchies and booze. I can't drink alcohol now because it conflicts with one of my prescriptions. Not that I drank much before, but I wanted the option to be a sloppy drunk if I needed to.
|
|
Wisconsin Beth
Distinguished Associate
No, we don't walk away. But when we're holding on to something precious, we run.
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 11:59:36 GMT -5
Posts: 30,626
|
Post by Wisconsin Beth on Nov 14, 2013 14:32:03 GMT -5
You know, if we're going to do this, we need some munchies and booze. I can't drink alcohol now because it conflicts with one of my prescriptions. Not that I drank much before, but I wanted the option to be a sloppy drunk if I needed to. Jeez. I'd be a (worse) wreck if I couldn't drink.
|
|
swamp
Community Leader
THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 16:03:22 GMT -5
Posts: 45,617
|
Post by swamp on Nov 14, 2013 14:34:44 GMT -5
On Tuesday, DS has hip hop dance at 4:30 and DD has figure skating at 6. My plan was to pick DD up at DS's class, take her to my parents, cook dinner for her there, and do homework with her before skating. I got held up in Family Court and got to my parents at 5:15. The kids got McDonald's for dinner. And Friday night I am leaving my kids with my elderly parents/dementia addled mom so I can go to a gathering at a friends house. DH is working.
|
|
Sum Dum Gai
Senior Associate
Joined: Aug 15, 2011 15:39:24 GMT -5
Posts: 19,892
|
Post by Sum Dum Gai on Nov 14, 2013 14:37:44 GMT -5
I dropped out of high school to attend community college full time. I was supposed to have an AS in computer programming before my friends had even graduated high school, then transfer to a university. Instead I dropped out after a year and bummed around working shit jobs for a couple years. Then I met my wife, had an unplanned pregnancy, and I had to join the military to support my family. I enlisted for 6 years so we'd both have time to finish degrees before I got out. Neither of us did. The plan after that was to get out and work for a defense contractor being overpaid to do very little. That plan actually worked out pretty well, until I got sick of being paid to do nothing all day and quit.
Now I'm just taking things one day at a time. No real plans or goals at this point, just getting by. I'm 31 years old, currently gross $2,500 a month, and almost every dollar to my name is tied up in toys and games.
|
|
Cookies Galore
Senior Associate
I don't need no instructions to know how to rock
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 18:08:13 GMT -5
Posts: 10,891
|
Post by Cookies Galore on Nov 14, 2013 14:40:50 GMT -5
Some days I feel like I've failed every step of the way. I'm not a high wage earner, I never got my master's, I don't have much of a grip on my anxiety and related compulsions, I feel like im slowly going nowhere, I'm not anywhere near close to homeownership, and I haven't been saving for retirement since I was five. Somehow I'm not a completely miserable person.
|
|
giramomma
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Feb 3, 2011 11:25:27 GMT -5
Posts: 22,140
|
Post by giramomma on Nov 14, 2013 14:45:41 GMT -5
On Tuesday, DS has hip hop dance at 4:30 and DD has figure skating at 6. My plan was to pick DD up at DS's class, take her to my parents, cook dinner for her there, and do homework with her before skating. I got held up in Family Court and got to my parents at 5:15. The kids got McDonald's for dinner. And Friday night I am leaving my kids with my elderly parents/dementia addled mom so I can go to a gathering at a friends house. DH is working. Meh. DH is feeling really run down this week. He ordered pizza for dinner on Sunday. DD had one slice in her lunch this week, and then both the kids finished up the pizza last night. DS is having pizza at school on Friday. Now, they are getting a veggie and a fruit with the pizza, and we've been doing no bread/cereal based breakfasts this week. But, still, it's 3 meals of pizza.
|
|
Waffle
Senior Member
Joined: Jan 12, 2011 11:31:54 GMT -5
Posts: 4,391
|
Post by Waffle on Nov 14, 2013 14:48:55 GMT -5
Faulty memory I can't remember the goals I gave up on. I failed at marriage. I told him when I married him I would stay married 50 years until the party then divorce him, nobody I knew married more than 50 was still happy. I divorced him after 17 and felt like a total failure. I failed to have children. I tried everything I could think of like fertility drugs but no luck. I was so desperate I almost tried sex.
I failed a few dozen diets. That was very funny, Crone.
|
|
raeoflyte
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 3, 2011 15:43:53 GMT -5
Posts: 15,010
|
Post by raeoflyte on Nov 14, 2013 14:59:12 GMT -5
It's not bad just not where I expected to be at this point in my life.
This is exactly me, except that I'm throwing myself a deluxe pity party right now. I really appreciate everyone's posts.
|
|
Wisconsin Beth
Distinguished Associate
No, we don't walk away. But when we're holding on to something precious, we run.
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 11:59:36 GMT -5
Posts: 30,626
|
Post by Wisconsin Beth on Nov 14, 2013 14:59:44 GMT -5
So spill rae.
|
|
Waffle
Senior Member
Joined: Jan 12, 2011 11:31:54 GMT -5
Posts: 4,391
|
Post by Waffle on Nov 14, 2013 15:00:40 GMT -5
I think I look like a total failure to some people because I never did the married with children thing - but I don't feel like a failure about either of those things.
I had an opportunity about 8 years ago to leave a job with a 2 year severance package - I'm still kicking myself for not taking that deal.
|
|
Chocolate Lover
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 15:54:19 GMT -5
Posts: 23,200
|
Post by Chocolate Lover on Nov 14, 2013 15:02:50 GMT -5
Yeah it's awkward when I read about people buying homes, apartments etc and I rent from my parents. Who also happen to live right across the street. It's a win-win set-up for us and my parents. Gwen adores being so close to her grandparents but it feels embarassing to be 30 and rent from my parents. I feel like from a YM standpoint I might as well be living in their basement doomed to loserville. It feels like I "should" own a house or something by now even though I admit to myself I don't have much desire to be a homeowner, I'm totally fine with renting. Then I'm a YM loser because I am a no-good lousy teneat instead of a landlord making profits off losers like me. I've even had my youngest sister, who is 30, ask me when I'm buying a house. As if my mother asking every few months for years wasn't enough. At this point, NEVER! You'd think that any of them could extrapolate from my myriad other failures that I don't have the cash handy to buy a house.
|
|
sheilaincali
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 17:55:24 GMT -5
Posts: 4,131
|
Post by sheilaincali on Nov 14, 2013 15:07:22 GMT -5
Rae- I went through a serious phase like that and then just gave myself the "Suck it up Buttercup" speech. I started just dealing with the things I could change/fix/work on/what have you. Douglas Adams is my son's favorite author. I've embraced one of his quotes and it helps me cope with having to be a grown up: I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.
I realize that by changing any of the major events in my life I wouldn't have the things I have now. Had I not dropped out of college and joined the AF I wouldn't have met my husband and I wouldn't have DS. Had I not had to move back here from CA I wouldn't have the wonderful group of friends I have now. Being a grown up sucks about 40% of the time but I try to focus on the other 60% of the time
|
|
kcladyjane
Familiar Member
Joined: Dec 31, 2010 12:00:43 GMT -5
Posts: 837
|
Post by kcladyjane on Nov 14, 2013 15:13:43 GMT -5
My failures...not saving much so far for retirement (I am 31), not finding a job I want to stay at for multiple years, weighing too much, not being as interested in sex as I probably should be, and not keeping a very tidy home (I don't dust ever).
|
|
sheilaincali
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 17:55:24 GMT -5
Posts: 4,131
|
Post by sheilaincali on Nov 14, 2013 15:15:48 GMT -5
raeoflyte- my comment might have come off as flippant. I hope that's not the way you take it. What I meant was that it's normal to go through phases like that but that even though it may seem like life is totally overwhelming right now it really can get better. Sorry. I was just thinking back on what I wrote about telling myself to suck it up buttercup and was worried that you might think I was telling you that. That was not my intention
|
|
HoneyBBQ
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 27, 2010 10:36:09 GMT -5
Posts: 5,395
Mini-Profile Background: {"image":"","color":"3b444e"}
|
Post by HoneyBBQ on Nov 14, 2013 15:17:01 GMT -5
I was so desperate I almost tried sex.
|
|
giramomma
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Feb 3, 2011 11:25:27 GMT -5
Posts: 22,140
|
Post by giramomma on Nov 14, 2013 15:21:58 GMT -5
Nothing in my life has turned out like I imagined, dreamed, whatever.
The things that help get through are:
1)Knowing I always have a choice. 2) Accepting that choice and knowing I have to live with the consequences (good or bad) of whatever choice I'm making. 3) Learning so that if it's a negative situation, I will avoid it in the future.
|
|
Sunnyday
Well-Known Member
Joined: Aug 3, 2013 0:36:39 GMT -5
Posts: 1,425
|
Post by Sunnyday on Nov 14, 2013 15:23:44 GMT -5
I failed grad school. Well, I knew things weren't going well, and I had major reservations and just wasn't ready, so I dropped out because my ego couldn't handle the alternative.
I don't regret not continuing because no one I knew in my program ended up in academia. but it still makes me feel like a failure.
and anytime some one mentions where I went to school (think really really prestigious), I get this big complex. like I'm a fraud. In fact, I hide it, because I can't bear even saying the school's name.
issues, right?
I fail diets.
I majorly failed my first relationship.
I failed with natural childbirth.
I fail every day in keeping my temper. Like clockwork, I lose it on my poor husband at least once a day.
I failed to maintain some really important relationships over the years.
good thread, food for thought
|
|
NomoreDramaQ1015
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
Posts: 48,082
Member is Online
|
Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Nov 14, 2013 15:36:06 GMT -5
I failed with natural childbirth
Ya know I understand how/why this phrase was coined but nowdays I think it's code for "not doing it exactly the way I think you should have". Since when did birth have to become a competition? And when did it become the business of anyone besides me and my doctor?
How can I "fail" at birth?
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 7, 2024 18:25:17 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 14, 2013 15:36:12 GMT -5
how you look at your failures is the important part
do you look at them as lessons learned.....
or do you look at them as beat yourself up again episodes
i have failed at so many things in life it isnt funny
but overall, I would consider myself highly successful (many would agree)
i have made mistakes that thinking back make me twinge, thanking god it didnt turn out worse
another lesson from the best guy i have ever known...my pop
"as long as you can look at yourself in the mirror at night, and honestly say you did the best you could, then never regret the failures or the mistakes"
damn...i got lots of great advice from him.....
|
|
raeoflyte
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 3, 2011 15:43:53 GMT -5
Posts: 15,010
|
Post by raeoflyte on Nov 14, 2013 15:39:38 GMT -5
Let's see... Just focusing on the financials: I reached the peak in my career at 21. If you graph my income/title since then it just keeps falling. I'm afraid I'm failing at my sales job and hate the idea of going back to my operations job. I don't have any prospects on anything else I could do... I didn't finish college and can't figure out how to do it now. I filed a chapter 13 bk after ds was born. My parents are bailing me out of 'el barrio', and moving us into a beautiful home/neighborhood. I'm usually the anti-enabler, but I told them there was no way I could say no when they offered. I'm honestly terrified to make any decision because I'm certain that no matter what, I will make the wrong one. My life is good. I love my kids. I don't want to smother dh in his sleep every night. I have so much more than so many people, and yet I'm whining on a message board about how sad I am. It's pathetic really. I need to let go of my past goals that didn't happen, and figure out how to make new goals, although the fear of decisions is holding me back on that. I can't give up on this job so quick, and need to just push through the pain but I freaking hate pain! I'm trying to remind myself that this is the montage part of my life that I can look back on set to a great 80's soundtrack, but to do that I need to get to some finish line and right now I don't know which race I'm supposed to be in. I didn't take offense Sheila. I really feel the same way, just can't seem to get there today.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 7, 2024 18:25:17 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 14, 2013 15:40:22 GMT -5
ladies I just want you to know that I am here for you and I am a good listener
|
|
Wisconsin Beth
Distinguished Associate
No, we don't walk away. But when we're holding on to something precious, we run.
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 11:59:36 GMT -5
Posts: 30,626
|
Post by Wisconsin Beth on Nov 14, 2013 15:45:43 GMT -5
Rae, you reminded me of a quote from Granny Weatherwax in one of Terry Pratchett's books. It goes something like "everything in life is a test. You don't find out how you did until after it's over."
|
|
sheilaincali
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 17:55:24 GMT -5
Posts: 4,131
|
Post by sheilaincali on Nov 14, 2013 15:50:05 GMT -5
My life is good. I love my kids. I don't want to smother dh in his sleep every night. I have so much more than so many people, and yet I'm whining on a message board about how sad I am. It's pathetic really. I need to let go of my past goals that didn't happen, and figure out how to make new goals, although the fear of decisions is holding me back on that. I can't give up on this job so quick, and need to just push through the pain but I freaking hate pain! I'm trying to remind myself that this is the montage part of my life that I can look back on set to a great 80's soundtrack, but to do that I need to get to some finish line and right now I don't know which race I'm supposed to be in.
Yes- let go of your past goals and make new ones. you will be much happier that way.
|
|
Cookies Galore
Senior Associate
I don't need no instructions to know how to rock
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 18:08:13 GMT -5
Posts: 10,891
|
Post by Cookies Galore on Nov 14, 2013 16:00:24 GMT -5
It's not bad just not where I expected to be at this point in my life.
This is exactly me, except that I'm throwing myself a deluxe pity party right now. I really appreciate everyone's posts. I'm in pity party mode as well. I know we have lot going for us but hubs and I are just both in a slump right now. Knowing that it's only temporary misery makes it somewhat palatable but I'm still thinking "is this my life?!?!" I have no idea what I thought life in my early 30s was going to be like, but I thought I'd have accomplished something major by now. Lol, I'm accomplishing an epic pity party. :-)
|
|
Works4me
Senior Member
Someone responded to your personal ad - a German Shepherd named Tara wants to have you for dinner...
Joined: May 5, 2012 12:11:37 GMT -5
Posts: 2,553
|
Post by Works4me on Nov 14, 2013 16:10:41 GMT -5
I thought I would have a business by now, I don't I thought we would have at least 2 rental properties, we don't I thought I would be done with my master's degree, I am not And of course, I thought my kids would be the best behaved kids, who ate what I gave them, slept when I wanted them and listened every.single.time. They are not. None of them. I am thinking I should have another one, since odds should be in my favor. Lena - Ever heard of the concept of stop while you are behind before you get further behind? Just a thought ... lol
|
|
Wisconsin Beth
Distinguished Associate
No, we don't walk away. But when we're holding on to something precious, we run.
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 11:59:36 GMT -5
Posts: 30,626
|
Post by Wisconsin Beth on Nov 14, 2013 16:15:25 GMT -5
I thought I would have a business by now, I don't I thought we would have at least 2 rental properties, we don't I thought I would be done with my master's degree, I am not And of course, I thought my kids would be the best behaved kids, who ate what I gave them, slept when I wanted them and listened every.single.time. They are not. None of them. I am thinking I should have another one, since odds should be in my favor. Lena - Ever heard of the concept of stop while you are behind before you get further behind? Just a thought ... lol You know, I'm so wishing we still had karma on this thread.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 7, 2024 18:25:17 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 14, 2013 16:22:09 GMT -5
|
|